Author Topic: New House, New Season, New Death  (Read 5054 times)

K+F

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Re: New House, New Season, New Death
« Reply #15 on: July 22, 2015, 12:30:53 PM »
I am so very, very sorry. 

tk74

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Re: New House, New Season, New Death
« Reply #16 on: July 24, 2015, 12:58:28 AM »
Thanks for all the encouraging words.  Gracelet, I'm so very sorry for your struggle, your daily battle; I know it's hard.

 As for my father in law, I didn't know him for many, many years; but the time we shared, I knew him as family. He was caring, affectionate and heartfelt. He was quick to make me feel part of his family and always treated me as a friend and a son. In the last year he was someone I could lean on and depend on. We grieved together, cried together and tried our best to encourage one another as we dared to walk through this difficult season without ?our girl?.  And just like that, the reset button to my broken and fragile soul had been hit, starting the entire grieving process over.

?Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything.? - C.S. Lewis

Maybe it's the normal ebb and flow of the newly bereaved, or a basic internal 'grief' clock we're all equipped with, but I awake every morning knowing the exact number of days (and weeks) since she passed. Until recently, I've never been so aware of the difference between time and seasons of time. Time moves on, seasons meddle. Time continues at it's usual pace and days quickly move forward; yet this season of grieving lingers. It simply spins round and round in a vast vortex of whirling emotions. Hovering, waiting, then returning without warning. Today, it's been 294 days - exactly eight months and twenty-one days. With even her 'absence' always on the forefront of my mind, how much more would my memories of her presence invade my soul and bring both joy and sorrow? I guess the ultimate goal and prayer is that sorrow and grief eventually turn to joy and gratitude. I'm slowly finding that grief, while remaining true to itself, is changing over time. I no longer question God or come home from work each day and weep. The tears are now occasionally triggered by certain songs or memories, even a voicemail I saved just to hear her sweet voice from time to time. Eventually focus will shift to the season ahead, regardless of the reluctant abandon of the current one and the still, small voice of God will once again direct my path.

Before being faced with such a tragedy, there are a million little things you have no way of knowing or how to be prepared for.  The first few months I dreaded nightfall, because I knew what was waiting.   Losing a spouse is never more real than when you're lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, and knowing you'll never hold them again. And this realization is yours to repeat, every... single... night.  We didn't have the luxury of being together ten or twenty years or enjoy a harvest of having children 'together', as she was too sick even from the beginning of our relationship.  We both knew the likelihood of growing old together was slim, but we thought we at least had another ten years together; at least that's what I held on to.  If the amount you grieve is based on the amount you loved, then I'm in for quite a ride.   I can only surmise whether it's five years or fifty years, time is not the true measure of love or loss, nor is it the summit of what was gained.  Time is relative, temporary and fleeting at best.  For Chanty and I, longevity was, by nature, overrated and presumptuous.  Rather, give me five short years of unbridled joy with someone who redefines the term best friend, passion with one who unequivocally embodies the word soulmate and the kind of love that would make you relive every single day of it.  In the end, that's all we really needed and all our story could possibly tell.





Love is a difficult & lifelong journey.  You shouldn't have to travel it alone.

-tyler white

canadiangirl

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Re: New House, New Season, New Death
« Reply #17 on: August 19, 2015, 08:26:47 PM »
Beautifully put. I am so sorry for the additional loss for your family.

MrsT85

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Re: New House, New Season, New Death
« Reply #18 on: August 24, 2015, 12:41:14 PM »
What amazing and thoughtful words for both your sweet wife and your father in law.  I'm sitting at my desk at work with tears welling up in my eyes.  What a lucky woman your Chanty was, to be loved by such kind and intelligent souls like your FIL and yourself.

Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face

Do You Realize??

01/12/1977-04/06/2013

tk74

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Re: New House, New Season, New Death
« Reply #19 on: August 24, 2015, 09:13:57 PM »
I appreciate your very kind words.

So, I've found a 'GriefShare' group to attend.  It starts tomorrow night.  I'm not the 'group' type of person (INFP), so it's a really big deal for me.  It's about twenty-five miles from home, about twelve to twenty people attending (hopefully a good age range).  I just need to try something different, it has to be worth a shot.
Love is a difficult & lifelong journey.  You shouldn't have to travel it alone.

-tyler white

Jen

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Re: New House, New Season, New Death
« Reply #20 on: August 26, 2015, 09:48:18 PM »
I hope it went well for you! Hugs!
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

linda5

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Re: New House, New Season, New Death
« Reply #21 on: August 26, 2015, 09:52:49 PM »
I attended Grief Share and it did help me. I recommend it.