Author Topic: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?  (Read 938 times)

arneal

  • Member
  • Posts: 714
    • The Starving Activist
Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #15 on: November 20, 2017, 02:07:32 PM »
That's good that your son had a relationship with his dad's family, Captains wife. It makes perfect sense in that case.
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

klim

  • Member
  • Posts: 444
Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #16 on: November 20, 2017, 07:17:40 PM »
I've got inlaws galore. My LH had 10 brothers and sisters. I still hang out with them and call them inlaws.

I do a really lousy job of using the term late husband... I guess I confuse some people.

Maybe it will change if I have present husband and a late husband but right at the moment I've only had one husband so  guess in my mind I don't need an adjective to clarify which husband I'm talking about.

Missmybecky

  • Member
  • Posts: 33
Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #17 on: November 21, 2017, 11:13:00 AM »
I do call them my in-laws, they still are and they always will be a part of my life, and my kids lives. My LW has a large family and I am close with them, even though most of them live 800 miles away. I was invited to and attended their family reunion this summer. I use the term late wife more often than not nowadays but, it is, what it is, I guess.

faye

  • Member
  • Posts: 27
Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #18 on: November 29, 2017, 09:55:30 PM »
Outlaws. I call them outlaws. They're nice enough, but we're not close.

LH called his ex's family "the outlaws" too.

tybec

  • Member
  • Posts: 306
Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #19 on: November 30, 2017, 09:07:29 AM »
Mine are not "outlaws" but they are "we will do anything for you, if you move within 10 miles of us."  Nothing they said came true as far as help.  I was a widow with an 8 yr. old, and my LH was an only child to a single mother.  We could have used support, but not really offered unless in their territory.  Apparently common.  You moved away so we will be around but you come to us....  My MIL has moved back "home" and has tons of assistance now.  My LH had no plan to ever move back home.  Farm family.  But he was no farmer.   

MrsDan

  • Member
  • Posts: 471
Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #20 on: December 01, 2017, 03:56:23 PM »
They are my inlaws. As a matter of fact BIL is bringing his son over for a sleepover tonight; he and my daughter are close. My boyfriend is always included in their family events. He came with when SIL and I took our kids trick or treating. My MIL buys gifts for his daughter at Christmas. I'm estranged from most of family so after some water under the bridge with his mom, they are the family I'm in contact with see  most. I'm their family, so they treat him as their family too. BF has no issue with it all, i asked him once if he ever thought it was weird, and he said no, he just thought it was great that i have supportive people in my life. BTW, I also refer to DH as my husband. Only if they don't know do i say Late. With BF's family,when i tell stories that include him, i say husband. That will change if BF and ever get married but right now no one has a problem with it.
You are the Bear of my heart dear,
And nothing can take that away.

faye

  • Member
  • Posts: 27
Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #21 on: December 02, 2017, 07:54:53 AM »
my LH was an only child to a single mother...Snip...My LH had no plan to ever move back home.  Farm family.  But he was no farmer.

His closest relatives would be aunts, uncles, and cousins? 

The downside of technology and changing society is that we no longer expected or required to go into the family business. We are free to seek employment / lifestyle far from our nuclear family.  New Guy's children moved several hundred miles away.  Their children will barely know their grandfather and grandmother. If fact, his ex-wife moved across the country to settle here with him. She has no family here, either.



twin_mom

  • Member
  • Posts: 97
Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #22 on: December 02, 2017, 06:22:27 PM »
I too call them in-laws and call him my husband. I'm not sure what I will call him if NG and I get married as I personally hate "late", so people will probably just think I'm a polygamist.  😁

I dated a guy who thought it odd that I regularly talk to mil- but I made a promise to DH that I'd watch out for her and see is my kids' grandma. I took his uneasiness as a sign that he wasn't the right one for me (among other flags). NG is fine with any relationship I choose to have with people as long as it's healthy for me as in his mind my mental well-being is his priority not whatever they may need from continuing the relationships.

serpico

  • Member
  • Posts: 279
Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #23 on: December 03, 2017, 12:03:28 AM »
On my second date with my current wife, she mentioned to my one of my friends that she was weirded out that I referred to my late wife as my wife. It never would have occurred to me, but it bothered her and I understood.

It made no difference to my late wife how I referred to her in conversation, so it made sense to me to make the change out of respect for the woman in my life who was still alive. I’m glad I did.
'I think I got some of your pickle'

Trying

  • Member
  • Posts: 1646
  • aka MissingmyTim
Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #24 on: December 03, 2017, 07:49:42 AM »
I have recently started saying "late husband" which I had hated for a long time.  I tried saying "first husband" but didn't like that it could be interpreted as divorced or a choice that he was no longer my husband. 

I agree with Serpico about respect.  Current husband respects my relationship with my inlaws and late husband's presence in our family so of course I need to respect his role as my current husband.  I am also slowly changing my last name which is weird but he respects that I'm using my late husband's last name as my middle name now. It ties me to my 3 sons and 24 years of my adult identity.
You will forever be my always.

fairlanegirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 97
Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #25 on: December 03, 2017, 03:11:25 PM »
I still use husband, or 'husband, who died' if necessary, when husband and boyfriend in same sentence I might say that, or briefly mention I'm a widow. just can't do the 'late' thing yet, after almost 7 years. He was just too young, and it consigns him to the past too much in my mind, when he is there very often. I know that is just me though. Maybe one day. My boyfriend has been with me almost six of those years, and is unfazed. I told him right at the start, truthfully, that he wasn't the consolation prize, and he has the emotional maturity to believe it. And the in-laws are still my in-laws, I feel grateful and happy to still be treated as family.

tybec

  • Member
  • Posts: 306
Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #26 on: December 05, 2017, 08:06:50 AM »
Quote
The downside of technology and changing society is that we no longer expected or required to go into the family business. We are free to seek employment / lifestyle far from our nuclear family.

My grandfather obtained his Master's degree in the 1920s. In a poor state with a family farm, there was not enough land to go around to make a living.  He started our family pursuing professional training.  My mother's side all went to college in the 1950s and so has my generation.  We have MDs, PHDs, teachers, nurses, bankers, mental health professionals, accountants,  veterinarians , business men, engineers, missionaries as a result.

My in laws are 30 yrs. behind.  But it is not pretty.  My MIL was one of 8.  The patriarchal system of her father led to the two favorite sons to obtain the farm land. Everyone else had to fend for themselves, and they have not lived as well or as easily.  The women needed to marry, so that made it very difficult for MIL to have a child out of wedlock. My LH and one other branch went off to college and live away, making livings for our families.  It was a necessity.  But, yes, it changed the family structure, forever.

LH only had cousins, aunts and uncles.  My son then is without any siblings or first cousins except on my side.  His great uncles and aunts are in their 70s now and older.  My son is closer to my side even with the distance as his father's cousins' kids' kids are his age range.  Just the way it went. 

It is a blessing to be close to your In-laws. But different dynamics change relationships for sure.

faye

  • Member
  • Posts: 27
Re: So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?
« Reply #27 on: December 10, 2017, 09:03:37 PM »
 "The patriarchal system of her father led to the two favorite sons to obtain the farm land. Everyone else had to fend for themselves, and they have not lived as well or as easily."

Yes, similar story on one of the branches in mine, too.