Author Topic: Confessions of a widow  (Read 75790 times)

serpico

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #390 on: June 16, 2017, 02:18:24 PM »
And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Interesting way to sum up your post, given that you spent most of it telling arneal otherwise, lol.

She said 'we can lose self-respect'... how about we take her at her word?  She didn't say 'we/you will', 'we/you should', or even 'TooSoon will/should'.  She spoke her view, which is just as valid as anyone else's.  How about we leave her word stand?
'I think I got some of your pickle'

arneal

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #391 on: June 16, 2017, 02:31:07 PM »
Very good point, TooSoon. I feel like I have made choices in life, particularly after being widowed the first time that made me feel like I'd lost a few respect points for myself (self-respect). I got over it, but it's like self-esteem, right? How we view ourselves during the learning process. I have made choices that others might not agree with since being widowed a second time but they were choices that were in my best interest and increased the respect points I had for myself. It is a journey for sure :)
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

TooSoon

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #392 on: June 16, 2017, 04:00:53 PM »
And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Interesting way to sum up your post, given that you spent most of it telling arneal otherwise, lol.

She said 'we can lose self-respect'... how about we take her at her word?  She didn't say 'we/you will', 'we/you should', or even 'TooSoon will/should'.  She spoke her view, which is just as valid as anyone else's.  How about we leave her word stand?

I mean, don't let anyone tell you how to choose, think, process, progress, develop, evolve.  Do what you need to to; learn from it.  Mistakes are not always mistakes if you learn from them.   

Listen, serpico, you've been responding to me like this for years.  Let's just agree to disagree.  Maybe you men who know how we women should act/feel/behave really should  have your own page. 

And I was actually validating the OP in her choices and feelings. Which you will probably take issue with because you think all we do is tell each other every thing everyone here does is ok, right?  Isn't that your historic line of reasoning?  I, for one, need help and reinforcement sometimes.  I need to falter and learn from my mistakes and pick myself up and keep going.  I'm glad you and portside have all of the answers but your need to criticize everything I write says more about you than it does about me.  I think you need to chill.  I've gotten a bit off topic but I am sick and tired of you (and portside) trying to undermine the conversation with your judgments.  A differing viewpoint is one thing and welcome - but your delivery and selected responses tell me you want the argument more than the discussion.



« Last Edit: June 17, 2017, 08:46:59 AM by TooSoon »

Love2fish

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #393 on: June 16, 2017, 11:22:24 PM »
I hear what you are saying TooSoon,

"No moralizing or guilt is necessary or productive"

Most of the time that is true.  I have learned a lot about my limits as you so aptly put it.  I have been hurt,  i expected that and won't complain.  Finding what I am looking for is tough!

Unfortunately, I have also made some errors that hurt very nice ladies.  Those are the times that I lost some "self respect".  I never set out to hurt anyone.  I was just testing the limits.  Now I feel badly about how obtuse I was to the feelings of some very wonderful women.

I have had the experience of true and complete forgiveness. DW did that for me.   I hope I can earn it once more time.   I don't think there is any guarantee about that.


66etype

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #394 on: June 17, 2017, 09:16:14 AM »
I'm just over 5 years out from DH death. I grieved hard for 2 years, spent 2 more years being lonely and working on myself physically (losing weight and working out at the gym), then going into the 5th year I met a young man, 20 years my junior. He wants autonomy in his life, yet we have a committed sexual relationship. My internal rules made this relationship hard in the beginning and then I realized I want the same autonomy in my life he wants. I like being able to come and go, do what I want and not checking in with anyone. We text during the week just to say hi and have a great day.
I put a lot of pressure on myself to be in a relationship, then I realized I don't want one yet. I'm enjoying this time in my life. I'm no longer grieving and I consider myself single... really single for the 1st time in my 53 years of life. When I want to settle down this young man door will shut and the long term relationship door will open.
We have traveled to central america together and it was so fun. I am having the hottest, sexiest and most naughty sex I've ever had in my life and I love it!! I don't care what anyone thinks... I just don't. Go out and enjoy it all. I told my kids (who aren't much younger than him) that when I die, I want them to tell stories and memories of what I did in my life. The stories post DH death are much more fun!! The best advice I've gotten is from my oldest son... he said "go do you mom, go do you. You've raised us to be responsible adults, suffered and grieved enough".. that kid is a blessing! Go out and do you!!

BrokenHeart2

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #395 on: June 17, 2017, 12:08:40 PM »
66, I want to live your life!!! Since I'm only at 4 yrs.....hey, you just never know :) 
Wow, sounds like you raised some terrific kids!!  "Go do you Mom"  I love it!!
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

arneal

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #396 on: June 19, 2017, 09:17:45 AM »
Thanks, 66 -- I so needed to read your post today. It brought tears, but they were happy ones. I am so tired of feeling like people are feeling sorry for me because I've been widowed twice in my 48 years of life or thinking that I'm 'the widow', sitting around grieving. I stopped grieving early, having started before LH died because he'd been so sick that last year. The doctors were not sure he'd live when he ended up in ICU in spring 2015 and that's when the grief started for me. It lasted through his coming out of that and me becoming his caregiver. About two weeks ago I realized I was tired of being 'the widow' and started ticking the 'single' box on forms (I tick 'prefer not to answer' when it says 'single/never married') and removed my relationship status from social media. I have someone in my life now who is only five years older than me (both my husbands were older than me, the first by about 12 years who died at 42 and the second at about 15 years who died at 62) and like you, I am having the time of my life. I hope that we continue to grow closer as I wouldn't mind being married again or living with someone.
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

Virgo

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #397 on: June 19, 2017, 07:58:31 PM »
This Thursday will be 4 weeks since I've been on a date. I have to say that I'm enjoying my break. I thought I would be craving the physical contact, I normally do, but I'm not. I've been so underwhelmed by the men who contact me it makes it easy not to be tempted. I'm open to dating, don't get me wrong, but I want something more. Not sure what that looks like for me, but a step foward.
Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

Mizpah

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #398 on: June 20, 2017, 10:45:15 AM »
Go out and enjoy it all.

Yes yes yes yes!  Just reading this made me feel a little secondhand-high on freedom and joy in life.  It is true bravery to shed our preconceptions of ourselves, and the handed-down judgments of others.  Go you!  Yay!
widowed 2011 (DH 28)

66etype

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #399 on: June 20, 2017, 10:07:10 PM »
Our people did not die in vain... go out and fucking enjoy it all in there name...and ours! We are still here and they are not. Celebrate them everyday.. even if it wasn't something they would understand. Who cares? They are gone and we are still fucking here.. live it people!! Live it!

Metv

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #400 on: June 30, 2017, 12:07:22 AM »
Confession of a widower. It gets lonely sometimes, but sometimes I remember the great times I had, which I'm really really thankful for.

swilson

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #401 on: June 30, 2017, 06:30:51 AM »
Not proud of this but had to use a bath towel to dry a few dishes  :-[
~ she's gone to Heaven so I've got to be good, so I can see my baby when I leave this world ~

Love2fish

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #402 on: June 30, 2017, 06:38:32 AM »
Not proud of this but had to use a bath towel to dry a few dishes  :-[

Dishes need to be dried?
Who knew?

Needytoo

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #403 on: July 01, 2017, 07:11:45 AM »
During my kayak lesson, the instructor touched my bare shoulder. It felt really great.

BrokenHeart2

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #404 on: July 01, 2017, 07:33:23 AM »
I hear you NT :)
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.