Author Topic: Confessions of a widow  (Read 75940 times)

momof2obs

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #405 on: July 01, 2017, 07:38:04 AM »
My kids have been away at a camp all week and I have been having a blast enjoying my "freedom"!

Adley

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #406 on: July 01, 2017, 08:35:14 AM »
Yes! I'm in week one of almost three that they're gone to inlaws 1800 miles away. Too long, I know. The pleasure is very guilty. I stocked up on steaks, cheap beer, and second hand movies. I've been sprawled out on the couch for three days, this is better than a luxury cruise! I miss them terribly and worry, really, but this freedom is such a load off my back! I didn't know how tired I was till I got a break.
Here's to my pretty young wife     sleepin amongst the stars           now they say what's hers is mine but I know what's ours is ours

BrokenHeart2

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #407 on: July 01, 2017, 09:16:08 AM »
I hope you get to enjoy your down time Adley!!
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

Monique

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #408 on: July 03, 2017, 08:29:33 PM »
I cried at work today. No one said anything.
Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while." --The Princess Bride

arneal

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #409 on: July 04, 2017, 05:02:08 PM »
Oh, Monique -- {{{hugs}}}
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

Bunny

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  • widowed 2012
Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #410 on: July 24, 2017, 09:58:54 PM »
It's been a little over five years and I still think about him every single day. Will it always be like this? 25 years from now will I still be thinking of him every single day? I mean, it's not like it's debilitating or destroys me the way it used to. He's just...there. I guess I'm just wondering if there will ever come a day when not even one fleeting thought is about him for a solid 24 hours.


In some ways I can't believe how fucked up I still am about some of it. In other ways, I never thought I'd ever be able to heal this much.
It is a fearful thing to love what Death can touch.

BrokenHeart2

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #411 on: July 24, 2017, 10:13:31 PM »
I don't have the answer Bunny but I've wondered the same things.  I'm in a similar headspace as you too. I too never thought I'd heal as well. For that I am thankful!
Hugs
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

arneal

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #412 on: July 24, 2017, 10:23:02 PM »
Hey Bunny -- I dare say it depends. I know, really answer, huh?  :-[ The reason I put it that way is that I would say the thoughts change. My dad died nearly 23 years ago; I think of him every so often and I supposed it's because there are milestones in my life that he never got to see. I occasionally think about the first husband and he's been dead for 17 years. I think about LH at odd times; his death was not sudden, unexpected but not sudden. I am with someone new now and as I was with NG yesterday morning, I thought to myself, I hope [LH] would be proud of how I'm doing this.

It's different for each of us but I suppose they will always be part of our psyche ...
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

Portside

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #413 on: July 25, 2017, 07:20:14 AM »
It's been a little over five years and I still think about him every single day. Will it always be like this? 25 years from now will I still be thinking of him every single day? I mean, it's not like it's debilitating or destroys me the way it used to. He's just...there. I guess I'm just wondering if there will ever come a day when not even one fleeting thought is about him for a solid 24 hours.

I honestly think this is a personal thing and each of us will have our own unique response to the death of our spouse.

I'm at 10 years and I do not think of my late wife daily or even very often now. I've asked my sons and they also do not. That's not to say we never are reminded of what was lost, just that it is not a consuming thought in our heads.

But, like I said - it probably is different for all.

Best wishes - Mike
The war is over for me now. But those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again, to teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life.

Jennica

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #414 on: July 25, 2017, 01:10:28 PM »
Hi Bunny,

You are further out than me, I am just at 11 months. That is the one question I ask myself ALL the time. I replay things in my head over and over. I hate it. I also reminisce good things too. I do this a lot driving and mowing the grass.
I just don't want to think about him all the time. I'd like my mind to be at peace. I don't know if that sounds bad but it gets tiring. He just consumes my thoughts on a day to day basis.
So when you say 5 years, I think ugh. 😔
Jennica

BrokenHeart2

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  • Widowed 2013
Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #415 on: July 25, 2017, 01:50:56 PM »
Hi Jennica,
I'm at just over 4 yrs and yes I do think of him every day but it is very very different than at 11 months I can assure you.  As we know, we all grieve differently but please try not to be overwhelmed that it will still be the same as it is now for you.  I can't guarantee it but just let you know how it is for me now.  I'm kind of thinking that is what Bunny was getting at too.  "He's just...there." Yes, this but it's very different.
Hugs
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

MR

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #416 on: July 25, 2017, 04:10:05 PM »
I am at 11 months and some days feel like 11 months have passed since I last saw her so life will improve for better and some other days are like 11 months of hell how will I survive another 15-20 years without her.

Bunny

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  • widowed 2012
Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #417 on: July 25, 2017, 04:28:52 PM »
Oh, it is nowhere NEAR the torture of my first two years! Every day felt unbearable- I remember so many mornings, as my brain entered back into consciousness, I'd immediately burst into tears. To quiet my thoughts I pretty much drank myself to sleep for two years. I don't do either of those things anymore.

In the beginning much of my grief was focused on him. Now the focus/ the issues center more on me. I don't think of him constantly, he's more just there kinda like people who talk to god, I guess- always available but mostly unobtrusive. Honestly, it's not a bad thing, just a random thought I had and wondered if other people did too. Hell, I still think of my first dog pretty often, still have pictures up, and he's been gone 15 years.

I remember meeting a woman around the one year mark, who, when finding out I was a widow, cried telling me about her first husband dead 20 years. She was happily married again so I was kinda freaked about her tears, but 5 years on, I get it.

Thank you, everyone, for sharing. The differences and the sameness both make me feel more sane.
« Last Edit: July 25, 2017, 05:41:06 PM by Bunny »
It is a fearful thing to love what Death can touch.

Love2fish

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #418 on: July 25, 2017, 06:33:43 PM »
You expressed that so well Bunny.

I can identify with the widow you met.  I am 5 years out. I progressed faster than most (typical guy) but I can be brought to tears over the silliest little things.  Just a few days ago NG said something that I had not heard since DW spoke of it a decade ago. 

My eyes got teary,  I turned away from NG, she never saw my mood change.  I could have bawled my eyes out if I had been with a widow friend.  But NG does not need to hear these things too often and I am also comfortable letting the moment pass with a sweet thought of DW as my little secret.

arneal

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #419 on: July 25, 2017, 08:49:38 PM »
Love2: I don't think quicker progression is typical to any gender. After watching my LH suffer for nearly 17 years with congestive heart failure (three pacemaker/defibrillator replacements: the first one was faulty and shocked him about six times unnecessarily -- that's no joke to watch or experience -- the second one because the battery was run out, and the last because there was a broken lead, which meant replacing all the wiring to the heart and once they were in there they put in a totally different unit because the hospital no longer dealt with the manufacturer of the previous two because of defects), survive prostate cancer, have all the prep for dialysis, and come back from being intubated in ICU and then die suddenly nearly a year after the ICU thing, I was moving on in a couple months. I had mourned all that time, for the pain and discomfort he had handled with such grace, knowing there was nothing I could do except be there. He told me he didn't want me to sit around by myself and when it sunk in that he was really gone, what could I do? I remember sitting at the mortuary, waiting for his ashes, wondering how heavy the box would be because he was 6'2" and around 200lb when he died ... I walked slowly to the car, holding the box and looked in it once I was in the car and truly realized he was elsewhere. He was a very practical man and if I had the opportunity to talk to him, I imagine he would cheer me on for listening to him and doing what he said for a change  :o

This journey is so different for each of us, there is no telling how or when we will continue down the Path of Life ...
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b