Author Topic: Confessions of a widow  (Read 74799 times)

Tweety76

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Confessions of a widow
« on: March 10, 2015, 04:27:48 AM »
Migrating this one over to the new board. The confessions thread was started in YWBB in 2005 by Penta with these words:

"One of the awesome things about the YWBB is that we know we can say things here that we can't say elsewhere... things we MIGHT tell our best friend, but would never say to our family. ... Anybody else need to unburden their souls, share their darkest secrets?"

Here are mine for today:
- I cannot be bothered to wash dishes so I keep using the same set of a plate, a mug, fork, knife and spoon until they are so disgusting I have to
- My diet is so crappy I'm actually starting to get worried. If I have a day off or work from home, I live on an apple (yes 1) and Protein shake combo and wonder why I feel so horrible in the evening. Plus I forget to drink water
- I have feelings for a colleague but I keep those to myself for he is married (get out of my head now please!). Good conversations though :)
- I have a walking date tonight but expect just about nothing of it. Good online conversations though again

Who's next?

Mangomom

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #1 on: March 10, 2015, 06:28:21 AM »
This thread was a life saver for me.  It was oddly comforting to know that the "confessions" of others were actually things I had been doing and was afraid to let anyone know.  I honestly can't even remember what my confessions were, but I know I laughed and cried right along with all of them.  Thank you for resurrecting it.

JacklessSally

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #2 on: March 10, 2015, 07:10:50 AM »
  • I asked a friend out to dinner, no interest there at all, just tired of going home and sitting in the dark alone
  • I am back to wearing B's boxer briefs..
  • I had a bowl of chex for dinner last night, I guess at least I ate something..
  • I look for him in traffic.. I keep expecting to see him. I think the Idea of him leaving me is easier than dealing with the idea of him being dead..
B.H.S. 1-20-1974 - 11-13-2014

You will always be my Jack and I will always be your Sally. For we were simply meant to be.

Virgo

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #3 on: March 10, 2015, 07:13:44 AM »
13 months out, and I just threw away his deodorant. I kept it for the comfort of his scent, but it dried out and no longer smelled like him.
Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

littlebirdie

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #4 on: March 10, 2015, 08:24:40 AM »
I see happy couples and wonder which one of them will die first.

I copied the above from the other thread because I still do this sometimes...

Mangomom

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #5 on: March 10, 2015, 08:26:31 AM »
Here's an old one of mine...  my kid took my glass of "water" to take his meds...  It was straight vodka.  At least is was his evening meds and not morning.  Talk about a red flag.  This is partly why I no longer drink.

Tweety76

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #6 on: March 10, 2015, 11:02:55 AM »
I see happy couples and wonder which one of them will die first.

I copied the above from the other thread because I still do this sometimes...

This! I remember doing that too :) Haven't for awhile and I just noticed when you posted :)

LostMyCharles

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #7 on: March 10, 2015, 11:22:40 AM »
  • I haven't vacuumed in 3 months.
  • I haven't cooked an actual meal for my DD or myself in probably the same amount of time; so glad she keeps requesting quesadillas for dinner!!
  • I am paralyzed at the thought of spending any money to replace our old, dying electronics because we always consulted each other first.
  • I sleep with the shirt he was wearing the day he died. I've sweat and cried all over it so it smells nothing like him anymore. I smear his deodorant on it once in a while to "freshen" it up.
  • When I smell his deodorant now, my mind barely recognizes it as "his scent" and it terrifies me that I'm losing him that quickly.
  • I look at his pictures and watch video to remember his face and voice, but it's like stabbing myself repeatedly. I need it, but it kills me.
  • My electricity and water bills have decreased dramatically, so yay!
  • I have much less laundry to do each week, and I feel guilty being happy about that.
  • I celebrate the small things like putting the registration tags on my car by myself, or figuring out how to turn on the automatic sprinklers, which were typically his domain.

Jessica
"He was my North, my South, my East and West..." W.H. Auden

My love is with you always, Charles. 6/29/66 - 12/08/14

JacklessSally

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #8 on: March 10, 2015, 11:48:21 AM »
  • I sleep with the shirt he was wearing the day he died. I've sweat and cried all over it so it smells nothing like him anymore. I smear his deodorant on it once in a while to "freshen" it up.

Jessica

Jessica,
I did this too, B had class the day he died and I had his under shirt on his pillow up until a few weeks ago, it was starting to turn colors. I smeared deodorant on it every night so I could "cuddle with him" The clothes he died in were burned by my father out law, he was trying to protect my love's mother and I from having to see them. In hind sight I wish he hadn't done that.. I'd give anything to have the shirt he passed in...
B.H.S. 1-20-1974 - 11-13-2014

You will always be my Jack and I will always be your Sally. For we were simply meant to be.

anniegirl

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #9 on: March 10, 2015, 05:24:18 PM »
Been so long. I forgot that Pentha started this one. Thanks for the reminder.

My favorite (because I could relate to it) was about clothes:

If it's on the floor, it's dirty. In the basket, it's clean.

And all these years later, this is probably still true. At least about clothes in a basket. My family has had to adjust to the new normal of wrinkled clothing.
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lcoxwell

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #10 on: March 10, 2015, 07:21:46 PM »
I reached the one year anniversary today, and I went into work.  My teaching assistant was MIA today (of all days), and I was not only grieving, but sick.  I tried to be a good teacher today, really I did, but by the end of the day, I was just done.  When my students came in for the final period of the day, I told them honestly I was having a bad day and that all I wanted was for them to just give me quiet and to stay in their seats.  After spending about ten minutes reading aloud to them, I told them that they could pull out the Chromebooks and play cool math games for the remainder of the period.  I didn't even bother to try to teach. I did, however, give extra credit for making good choices to those who opted to work on homework or missing assignments instead.
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.

anniegirl

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #11 on: March 10, 2015, 07:32:22 PM »
lcoxwell,

I can't even count the number of days my students didn't get me at my best.

You did better than I did on the first anniversary. I called in sick. I was but in better times it wouldn't have kept me home.

You did good!
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kmouse

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #12 on: March 10, 2015, 08:04:42 PM »
I tried to be a good teacher today

You were, I promise. I was an elementary school principal when I lost my husband and some days it was just about all I could do to walk in the door, especially on the hard days (which they pretty much all were for a really, really long time.) You just do the best you can, do a periodic head count to make sure you still have them all :) , and get through the day. Some time with the math games is a great reinforcer and it gave you a breather! Well done for making it through the day! Don't forget a mental health day here and there...gotta take care of yourself.

K
Once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale. -Anonymous

And sometimes it can give a second. -Me

RWV 7/7/56-4/13/09 I would have waited forever.

Jess

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #13 on: March 10, 2015, 09:59:04 PM »
Last night's dinner was a piece of cheese and microwave peas as that was all the food I had in the house- unless you can call rolls in the pantry so moldy they were turning a bit black food.
On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. - Unknown

Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous. - Hazrat Inayat Khan

Joe: 1979- 7/2014

Wheelerswife

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Re: Confessions of a widow
« Reply #14 on: March 10, 2015, 10:22:14 PM »
Ummm...Jezzy?  When have you had time to grocery shop?

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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