Author Topic: Say it here! ***vent away***  (Read 15584 times)

Virgo

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Say it here! ***vent away***
« on: June 08, 2015, 09:50:43 PM »
I think we need an official 'say it here/vent thread.' A place where we can curse, complain, whine, whatever. No judgements or fear of sounding annoying or ungratful to others.


I'm upset with my dad. He is an alcoholic, but in his mind he's a social drinker. His drinking is starting to effect his relationship with me and my daughters. He's not a mean when he's drinking, but he gets sleepy. He also forgets conversations that they've had with him. I really don't want to limit his time with them, but I'm seriously considering it. I've already told my oldest daughter that they are not allowed to ride anywhere with him. No way! I'm the only one that tells him straight out that he has a problem. Everyone else enables him. Even my brother says it's his way of dealing with my mom's death. He might have increased his drinking since she died, but he has always been an alcoholic. Growing up my dad always had a beer in his hand. It's just one right after the other now.

The selfish side of me feels that it's bullshit that I even have to worry about him. Like I don't have enough on my plate. This probably wasn't nice, but I asked him if he felt that my girls had already been through enough. I sure do! Losing their Memaw (my mom) and then their dad three months later. Did he want to be another loss  that they had to deal with. He said they have been through enough, but he hasn't changed. He has cirrhosis, so it's just a matter of time. The only cure for severe cirrhosis is a liver transplant. If he stopped drinking he could slow the progression of the disease. I'm not sure if his is severe or not. It took a lot of prying just for him to admit to me that he had cirrhosis.

I'm just so angry at him! So, that's my vent. You're turn. ;)
Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

Virgo

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #1 on: June 08, 2015, 09:55:00 PM »
I wanted to add that while my 16yo daughter was looking around my dad's garage (hoarders scene, lol) she said, "you know you're going to be the one eventually cleaning all of this up right?" How sad that she thinks that way. :(
Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

PhotoJunkie

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #2 on: June 08, 2015, 09:59:17 PM »
Big hugs!!  Big big hugs!!!   Im sorry he doesn't seem to understand what he is doing and how it affects hose around him. 

I don't even know where to start with my vent :P  lets just say my first two weeks here in MO have been very interesting and enlightening. 


Trying

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #3 on: June 08, 2015, 10:18:01 PM »
Virgo,I am so,sad to hear about your Dad and yes, you and the girls have had enough loss.

My vent, I hate the realtor I am going through for the house I am buying.  She doesn't respond to text, email or phone calls and is holding up the work, causing me stress!  I hate that my confidence is destroyed by just a few comments about decisions I've made. 

I hate that I am in the position to make decisions alone.  If DH was alive he would take care of inspections and the lawyer and I would take care of packing, unpacking and decorating.  If he was alive I wouldn't be moving, we would stay here forever.
You will forever be my always.

Virgo

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #4 on: June 08, 2015, 10:48:45 PM »
PhotoJunkie- Overwhelming?

Trying- My husband and I dealt with a realtor like that when we sold our first house. We ended up letting him go and choosing another realtor. Is that an option for you. I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this alone. ((hugs))
Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

widowat33

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #5 on: June 08, 2015, 10:57:52 PM »
Edited.
Too much info on an open forum.
« Last Edit: June 09, 2015, 09:55:21 AM by widowat33 »

Virgo

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #6 on: June 08, 2015, 11:09:47 PM »
widowat33- It definitely sounds like you are being taken advantage of. The next time someone mentions helping you with a job let them know what would be a convenient time for you. Ask them how long they think the job will take. If they want a meal just suggest that they order in. Make sure you 'forget where your wallet is' when the food arrives. Stop allowing them to take advantage of you. That's not the type of help or support that you really need. Trust me, you'll figure out who your true friends are really quick. Don't allow family to take advantage of you either. Just say "no thanks, I've got it taken care of already" they next time they offer their 'help.' You can do this!! :)
Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

BrokenHeart2

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #7 on: June 08, 2015, 11:16:11 PM »
I agree with Virgo. That needs to stop ASAP.  Not good at all. And nobody takes anything. Tell them you need to think about it and take your time. OMG some people can be such a'holes!
« Last Edit: June 09, 2015, 08:48:53 AM by BrokenHeart2 »
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

widowat33

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #8 on: June 08, 2015, 11:32:28 PM »
Edited. Same reason as above.
Thanks for the support, just worried that some people I know might find this..
« Last Edit: June 09, 2015, 09:56:18 AM by widowat33 »

Virgo

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #9 on: June 09, 2015, 12:13:05 AM »
No you shouldn't! Honestly, with family being taken advantage of is something you shouldn't even have to worry about but it happens. Why can't everyone live by the golden rule "treat others as you want to be treated." Selfish people!
Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

Captains wife

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #10 on: June 09, 2015, 11:38:00 AM »
Can I just say - I am bloody exhausted, worn out. Between my full time job, my 4 year old (who isnt sleeping through the night right now + I am driving him to Boston literally every weekend to see my inlaws), my extra curricular activities (including my volunteer work) and trying to socialise (including dating) as well as trying to keep in shape is getting to be too much ! I just want to stay in bed for 3 days and do nothing.....and no one on the outside world has much sympathy.....including work people. I am also SICK of listening to married people tell me how busy their lives are.

canadiangirl

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #11 on: June 09, 2015, 09:18:51 PM »
Great thread, thanks Virgo.  So sorry to hear about your dad. 

I just want a day off from responsibilities.  Exhausted from being exhausted.  Major case of the eff-its, and tired of that too. 

Thanks for the non-judgemental space!

BrokenHeart2

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #12 on: June 09, 2015, 09:22:28 PM »
I just want someone to take care of me for a change.
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

Virgo

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #13 on: June 09, 2015, 10:39:07 PM »
More sympathy and understanding..yes!
Day off from responsibilities..yes!
Someone to take care of me..yes!

I agree!
Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

Virgo

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #14 on: June 12, 2015, 12:50:48 PM »
I talked to my dad yesterday. He is a mess. I talked to my brother and he seems a little more concerned, but still feels that there's nothing we can do. He feels my dad has to want to make the changes. I agree, but I wish there was something I could do.

My dad hasn't been maintaining his yard. I'm actually suprised he's maintaining his house. The grass was about knee high until his neighbors got tired of it and mowed the front yard for him. He thought that was funny. I guess another neighbor said they thought he might be ill or in the hospital. He thought that was funny too. My dad was telling me yesterday that he's actually considering getting new fencing and gate so a larger mower can get into his back yard. That way he can hire it done. I wouldn't have an issue with that if his reasoning wasn't so that he would have more time to go out and drink.

All he talks about is going to bars and women. He's still 'got it.' A lot of what he shares with me is inappropriate, or to much information. I don't want to know all of that! Please dad, if you're considering a threesome don't tell me!! (That was during our conversation yesterday.) I just told him to protect himself. lol He didn't seem to think that was necessary 'at his age.' Wow. So, this is what I'm dealing with.

Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss