Author Topic: Say it here! ***vent away***  (Read 15594 times)

swilson

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #15 on: June 12, 2015, 01:01:40 PM »
No disrespect Virgo, your Dad sounds as though he is close to needing an intervention. Grass and weeds are bad enough but if he ends up with a nasty STD he will really have something to be depressed about.
~ she's gone to Heaven so I've got to be good, so I can see my baby when I leave this world ~

Trying

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #16 on: June 12, 2015, 01:12:59 PM »
Virgo it must be so hard to see your Dad acting so unhealthy and irresponsible.  Your brother is right that your Dad has to want to change but voicing your concern to him and setting some boundaries on his behavior around your family.  And Dad, enough with the over sharing!
You will forever be my always.

Virgo

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #17 on: June 12, 2015, 02:22:19 PM »
I spoke with my brother about taking my dad to an AA meeting, but he didn't think my dad would stay even if we managed to trick him into going. I have talked to my dad several times about his drinking. Even yesterday during our conversation I told him that instead of changing his fencing maybe he should just start making time for other things besides going out and drinking.

I agree about the STDs too, but I can't really make him use protection.

Something else my brother mentioned was that maybe my dad has lost the will to live. He just doesn't care anymore what happens to him because he misses our mom so much. I can understand that, but I know my dad wouldn't want to intentionally hurt everyone that cares about him. I just think that he alcohol has taken over. I wish that I could get other relatives to realize that instead of enabling him. When he goes out drinking he's usually with his siblings. When I talk to them I hear, "he's an adult and can make his own decisions." "He just misses your mom." "He needs the escape." I miss my mom. I miss my husband. I'm not an alcoholic. He NEEDS help.



Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

SimiRed

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #18 on: June 12, 2015, 07:31:11 PM »
Exhausted from being exhausted. 

Yep, this is me....

I just want someone to take care of me for a change.

I wanted this too...But, now I'm scared of it.

Virgo, my FIL (late husband) did the same thing when my MIL passed away, it lasted for 2 years.  He finally came around again, it was his way of dealing with grief, I guess.  I feel bad that he lost his wife and then 19 years later lost his son, my husband. 

My vent:  I hate my life, I want a do-over...
~Tracey~
My wonderful husband Rick of 19 years, 12/11/67 - 9/20/09 Neuroendocrine cancer.
I still miss you everyday, I go forward, but my mind stands still.

nonesuch

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #19 on: June 14, 2015, 08:32:21 AM »
Not to steer anyone away from here, but this is an excellent forum specific to the problems of alcoholism:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/

Just saying.  The membership is pretty good about supporting each other, enforcing boundaries,  "attack the argument, not the person" type of stuff.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.  My husband was much the same...after being fired was toying with the idea of being a self-employed handyman...which he could have done, sober.  But he had no time management skills, or rather, no time management other than waiting for noontime when it would be okay to start drinking. 

My beef is with my boss.  Boss #2 is a good soul, but he is cheap beyond belief.  He's hired someone and paying him off the books to help him around the store.  He thinks he's helping the person he hired, but that person doesn't reaaallly want help.  Sketchy the employee has already used the POS system to credit his own pre-paid credit card, and Boss is keeping him on because he thinks he can get enough work out of this guy, (or have him pay Boss back out of his SSDI) to be made whole on the theft.  Sketchy is a loud, abrasive, rude, know-it-all who was making 95K after he graduated from high school but at the age of 50  has still not paid back his student loans.  ::)

I've tried to tell Boss that for what he gives Sketchy, he could pay a competent, pleasant individual to come in two days a week, get all the effort and none of the attitude.  My suggestions fall on deaf ears.  Literally, because my other beef is that he doesn't wear his hearing aide.

Virgo

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #20 on: June 14, 2015, 12:00:04 PM »
Thanks for sharing the link.  I'll check it out.  I'm starting to dread talking to my dad which is awful I know.

Hopefully your boss will realize sketchy needs to go.
Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

Grammy

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #21 on: June 14, 2015, 12:48:16 PM »
(((Hugs))) To All.  This is really a great thread. :)  I know I need to vent. 

MamaZ

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #22 on: June 14, 2015, 03:19:45 PM »
I've got two beefs at the moment:

1. I just got back from a vacation at the beach with my teens. I have better fitness and energy levels than they do, typical if we older gals take care of ourselves (and our kids are not atheletes). They wanted to do very little, yet certain activities are unsafe alone, or for a woman alone. (Surfing big wave conditions, snorkling off shore when rip may be present, etc). These kids are about to leave the nest. Remarriage seems highly unlikely. Am I to pass on the adventures in life because D died? I didn't! I am, thankfully, still healthy and alive!

2. I just want to scream a big "F--- You" to the know-it-all stay at home mom preaching that "at least she does not let someone else raise her kids" while some of us "choose" to work. WTF does she know? AzzHat!

(Thanks, that felt gooood!)

Virgo

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #23 on: June 14, 2015, 09:42:05 PM »
1. MamaZ- Maybe a friend would be interested in joining you for some of those activities? If not I'm sure there are classes or groups that you can join. I'm on the other side of the sahm vs working mom wars. Lol!  Basically, what works for one family might not work for another. Tell her to mind her own business. She's not raising your kids.
Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

Baylee627

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #24 on: June 14, 2015, 10:53:24 PM »
I just want to scream a big "F--- You" to the know-it-all stay at home mom preaching that "at least she does not let someone else raise her kids" while some of us "choose" to work. WTF does she know? AzzHat!

Yup, eye roll. I'm not a parent, so I'm definitely of no repute on that subject, but I will say it gets super vexing to listen to the drivel and droning from both SAHM'S and working mothers. Both "sides" seem so imperious and touchy, and I find it plain catty and disrespectful.

Why is it up for debate how you decide (or circumstances dictate) to raise your child? How about mommas just decide to each "keep their eyes on their own paper"! And would it kill them to be gracious and support each other?

Anyway, my complaint: listening to the endless, vapid non-problems of those around me. Know your audience. If you're worried how your new poolside, outdoor kitchen and bathroom construction is going to coincide with yet another a Disney trip being planned...yeah, I'm probably not your girl.

Baylee
Though lovers be lost, love shall not, and death shall have no dominion--Dylan Thomas

Virgo

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #25 on: June 23, 2015, 01:41:35 AM »
It is interesting to see how people filter their conversations around us wids. I had a friend that started to complain to me about father's day, but then changed the topic really quick. I told him it was ok to go ahead and vent away.
Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

BrokenHeart2

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #26 on: June 23, 2015, 03:27:10 AM »
Virgo, sounds to me like you have an awesome friend that hit the reset button once realizing what he was saying. That's infrequent in my world.
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

Trying

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #27 on: June 23, 2015, 06:31:26 AM »
Here's where I come off sounding like a total bitch, but here goes.

I don't visit the cemetery very often though I drive by it daily.  His ashes weren't supposed to be in a cemetery but last minute he wanted it for his mom (turns out my older boys go often too so he was right).

Whenever I do go my MIL has it filled with mementos and stuff and it makes me crazy to the point I get agitated and need to leave.  On Fathers Day we had DHs 2 nephews baptized then had the family back to my house after.  My youngest and I stopped at the cemetery on the way home and there was the usual "stuff" every where plus 2 balloons.  1 was Worlds Greatest Dad. Not from my boys, but from her.  I knew this would bother them, he was their Dad, they should bring what they want.  The other was a heart shaped balloon that said I Love You with hearts all over.  Again, more appropriate from a wife than a mom. 

It took everything I had not to pop the balloons and throw them away.  It was a rage that was so out of proportion to the situation.  The rest of the day everything she said or did annoyed me and I wasn't very warm and loving.  Not real proud of myself for acting that way but my reaction was so strong and I could not get past it.

Even typing it out I feel like such a bitch.
You will forever be my always.

nonesuch

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #28 on: June 23, 2015, 06:53:09 AM »
I got another notice from the health insurance company, or rather Late Husband did.  "Sign up for Medicare Supplemental Insurance before it's too late."

Okay, I've already called them once but what the heck.  I dialed the number on the letter.  I listened to the options and figured pressing 2 is the closest thing to "you're sending letters to a dead person."  The pre-recorded message told me to hang up, and dial the 1-800 number on the back of my membership card.  I didn't feel like digging the card out of my purse and squinting at microscopic type.  I dialed again, knowing that the odds were better this time, they're 50-50 now that I pick correctly.

Ordinarily, I have a pretty good sense of humor.  I don't know why this irked me, but it did.  A nice woman who answered told me the call may be recorded and monitored for training purposes and asked what she could do. I told her that I just got another letter asking for Jeffrey to sign up for supplemental Medicare insurance before it was too late.

"Well, it is too late.  He's dead, " I said.

She apologized profusely and put him on the "do not contact" list.

I recounted this incident to Flavor of the Month. He said, "You didn't actually say that, did you?"  Gee, after all this time, I thought he knew me.




nonesuch

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Re: Say it here! ***vent away***
« Reply #29 on: June 23, 2015, 07:37:50 AM »
Here's where I come off sounding like a total bitch, but here goes.
Snip...


Nope, not at all.  There would be two things that would drive me bonkers about what you've described. One is just the accumulation of junk.  I'm not nasty neat, but tchotchkes  drive me nuts. I would want a grave site to look like a grave site, not a six-year-old's birthday party.

A  collection of the things left by one person would be interpreted by me as someone who thinks she's demonstrating she cares more because she's always leaving crap there. 

Kudos to you for your restraint.