Author Topic: sticking around  (Read 2638 times)

Mizpah

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sticking around
« on: March 10, 2015, 08:26:36 AM »
As the Board has moved a couple times recently, it's been interesting to see so many "old" members pop in to say that they still come around, but just don't say much.  It's been almost four years for me, and about a year ago I came back after months or more of not.  I've wondered the whole time why.  But it seems as though I'm not alone.  Once a widow, always a widow?  I have little to say.  I think part of it is because I grieved so totally, so fully at the beginning for so long.  I've said and thought and felt everything I could possibly say and think and feel in some way perhaps.  But "I just can't quit you," and I keep reading anyway, and every now and then saying something.  The journey doesn't end, it just changes, and so I stick around. 
widowed 2011 (DH 28)

littlebirdie

  • Guest
Re: sticking around
« Reply #1 on: March 10, 2015, 08:42:02 AM »
I'm so thankful for the veteran members who still post. Even though I'm coming up on three years, there are days I still look to you all for reassurance that this is doable. So thank you for still coming around. I appreciate you.

anniegirl

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Re: sticking around
« Reply #2 on: March 10, 2015, 02:00:03 PM »
Anniversaries sometimes bring me around to peek in. Read.

Sometimes I find myself wondering about this or that person I met here but lost touch with, so I check to see if they've posted (sometimes they had) and the interesting thing about the closing of the YWBB is that I have rediscovered people who I thought I'd never "see" again. A strange but welcome bonus.

Mostly, though, the board was a real place for me. It's where I met my second husband. I liked knowing it was still there. The absence of it going forward is very real for me.

I want this place to flourish and be a real place for others, so I will stick around a bit before going back undercover.

As a newbie I liked the BAG section. It was more hopeful than not. I liked seeing that there was a future and people living it.

I still like the BAG section best. Because of the hope but because it's also a place where - occasionally - one can still look back. Marvel. Regret. Wonder. Question. And know that probably someone can relate. No matter where they are at on the journey.
This is not the droid you are looking for.

Munsen

  • Guest
Re: sticking around
« Reply #3 on: March 10, 2015, 02:15:25 PM »
I'm the same...I hadn't been to the board in ages when I heard the news of it shutting down. I was surprised at my feelings. Some sad; some ambivalent and yet, here I am checking in too. I'll probably return quickly to the reading and not posting  as well as the extended absences but for now it feels like a good thing to do and a good place to hang out.

((Hugs))

OSAAT

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Re: sticking around
« Reply #4 on: March 12, 2015, 12:33:31 PM »
I agree Mizpah. I have been so happy to see the veterans of YWBB popping up on here. I took a hiatus for a while too, and found myself slowly coming back and reading. Thank you for all your contributions.

Carey

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  • Widowed 11/23/13 Joined YWBB 12/2/13
Re: sticking around
« Reply #5 on: March 12, 2015, 12:42:58 PM »
I struggle making friends.  In "real life" I really have ONE.  And I keep posting away on here trying to make a connection.  I sort of did the same thing but as a newbie. I was here for a couple months and then felt like not only was I grieving my loss I'd come here and grieve everyone else's and was so pissed at life  for hurting all of us.  I felt like I was on the board so much I was IMMERSED in sadness.  I came back in February because my life has really just tanked and people reached out to me, even monetarily which completely FLOORED me .... what  a rich and diverse and wonderful melting pot this is of people that the proof is in the pudding. They don't just say, "We're here for you", they really ARE. And I don't have that here. Except the one person. And I think I am entirely too close to him and he's a crutch. I need to wean a little and branch out some and where better than with people who KNOW. We talk about the DGIs, "not getting it" encompasses SO much more than probably even they understand.  Its almost like being reborn an alien when youre widowed.  All that said to say thank you to the veterans who've been spurred on by the move to come back, and I think I speak for many of us when I say please don't leave, I have so much more to learn, a network I need to build, a safety net I need to know is there.
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter

Mac

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Re: sticking around
« Reply #6 on: March 12, 2015, 08:06:54 PM »
As the Board has moved a couple times recently, it's been interesting to see so many "old" members pop in to say that they still come around, but just don't say much.  It's been almost four years for me, and about a year ago I came back after months or more of not.  I've wondered the whole time why.  But it seems as though I'm not alone.  Once a widow, always a widow?  I have little to say.  I think part of it is because I grieved so totally, so fully at the beginning for so long.  I've said and thought and felt everything I could possibly say and think and feel in some way perhaps.  But "I just can't quit you," and I keep reading anyway, and every now and then saying something.  The journey doesn't end, it just changes, and so I stick around.

This coming up June will equal 3 years. I would say that "Once a widow, always a widow" is true for me so far. The sadness and pain are gone at this point. I am optimistic about the future. In many ways I feel that being widowed has changed me. In many ways I feel like it has just amplified characteristics and traits that I already had. I have experienced death before many times over the years. Friends, relatives, my sister and my parents. For some, I was at their side at their final moment. But as we all know, losing a spouse is in a whole different universe as it relates to pain, sorrow and affects us to our very core. 

I do like to stay connected to this community. It's great to be able to go to a bago and hang with other wids. I enjoy spending time with widowed people that I meet in my travels. And after what we have gone through, we have the ability to help others who have experienced loss in so many ways. So I do hope that when I post here it does help others. I'll never forget the 1st time that I joined an online community and posted about my loss. It meant so much to see the responses, words of support and encouragement.
Grateful for the past. Embracing the present. Trusting in the future.

anniegirl

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Re: sticking around
« Reply #7 on: March 12, 2015, 08:14:54 PM »
Quote
Its almost like being reborn an alien when youre widowed.
- Carey

THIS! Exactly.

You look around one day and think, "Am I new? Or was the world always like this?"

And you don't really ever go back to looking at things the same way. Maybe that's what makes it possible to come back here and still have words to offer?
This is not the droid you are looking for.

moncoeur

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Re: sticking around
« Reply #8 on: March 15, 2015, 10:07:14 PM »
So I haven't been around in a while, at lease 6 months if not more. I was glad I was invited along to the new boards. I really like the new look as well, thought I am sorry to see the history of the old boards go. This is just a quick note to say hello again.
Fais de beaux r?ves mon coeur. Je t'aime pour toujours.

fairlanegirl

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Re: sticking around
« Reply #9 on: March 15, 2015, 11:57:10 PM »
As a newbie I liked the BAG section. It was more hopeful than not. I liked seeing that there was a future and people living it.
Yes. I liked the Social Section too for the same reason.
I used to go to ywbb each day, until the move, and I'm thinking the change might be a catalyst for reducing that. But I can't imagine never checking in. 4 years now.

nonesuch

  • Guest
Re: sticking around
« Reply #10 on: March 17, 2015, 05:46:03 PM »
I had pretty much told  my story.  I didn't have any more to say, and anyone searching the old board could have pulled up any topic I'd commented on and seen my post. Maybe this is an opportunity to tell the tales again--with less  snark.


Trying

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  • aka MissingmyTim
Re: sticking around
« Reply #11 on: March 17, 2015, 06:10:31 PM »
Nonesuch, don't leave out the snark, I appreciate a little snark ;)
You will forever be my always.

marian1953

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Re: sticking around
« Reply #12 on: March 17, 2015, 06:14:28 PM »
Me, too. Snark away?

anniegirl

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Re: sticking around
« Reply #13 on: March 17, 2015, 09:34:35 PM »
I agree. About snark. It's a delicate balance but what's a good war story without a bit of snarky seasoning?
This is not the droid you are looking for.