Author Topic: Surprising Realization  (Read 1092 times)

lcoxwell

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Surprising Realization
« on: June 15, 2015, 05:49:20 PM »
In the last couple of days, I have been thinking about the fact that I seem to be on three month cycles, where I will go through a period of time, when I can sleep ever so slightly longer (only waking up 3 or 4 times a night, instead of hourly) and when I feel I am handling my life and my grief just little bit better than a was a few weeks before. Then, about once every three months, I have a couple of weeks of downward spiraling, where I have difficulty sleeping, and where the grief comes crashing down on my head and I am drowning in it.

I was sitting here dwelling on those thoughts, when a sudden realization occurred to me. During the final few years of life, Kenneth seemed to be on a three month cycle, where he would make some improvements and would be doing a little better, then would take a turn for the worse and end up in the hospital for a few weeks or a month. The thought occurred to me, that maybe I had developed a rhythm of life, I which once every three months, or so, my body naturally goes into crisis mode. My three month cycles seem to be corresponding with his three months cycle timeline.

Now I am curious. Have any of the rest of you experienced anything similar to this?
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.

Dahlia

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  • And I am rich in all I have lost. S. Sassoon
Re: Surprising Realization
« Reply #1 on: June 16, 2015, 09:53:55 AM »
I think we do get into patterns. I do, at least. I always get irrationally stressed when i am out for more than an hour because for years and years, I couldn't be gone for more than an hour. I have an internal clock that immediately starts warning me to get home. My heart races, and I try to figure out how to extricate myself from the conversation. I can ignore it now, but it definitely impacts me regularly.

Everyday for the last 2.5 years was super challenging and a constant fight against death, so I don't have the same experience as you. I do find I need a lot more exercise to just get through everyday. I have so much extra energy that needs an outlet.