The general blues

[Jess]

Ups and downs, twists and turns, backwards and forwards. I have always hated roller coasters, it this one just keeps going. I have always said I am a positive, happy person inside that simply had something almost unspeakably tragic happen to me. I hold onto optimism not because I want to be that way, but because that is simply built into my DNA, even if sometimes I worry I annoy people with it.

Despite this outlook on life, grief and tough times still happen. It was pointed out to me that I stopped talking about the dark times I am experiencing, so I figured I would put this out there. I have been crying more, feeling exhausted and unmotivated. I have been acting whiny and grumpy.

I really hate feeling this way and need a break from my life.

[Amor]

Jess
I am sorry you are feeling this away at the moment.  I have my days like that too.  I hope for more better days than hard.
Amor

[Wheelerswife]

Hugs, Jess.  This road is hard, even when there are bright spots in our lives.  You've had a lot of change.  Change is hard and stressful, even the parts that are "positive".

Keep on hanging on!

Maureen

[donswife]

right with you Jess !
I find sundays the hardest as these are the days that we would just have time with each other
I was also once an optimist but when life deals you this its almost impossible to find the positive
so just know you are not alone and also I have always hated roller coasters ,
never understood why you would terrify yourself for fun

[Ginger]

((((Jess))))

Unfortunately grief is a roller coaster ride no one is ready for and can't wait to get off. Crying and a lack of motivation seem to be part of the healing process that we must go through. Hoping time will help lessen the sharpness of the twists and turns and your optimistic DNA will help get you through.

Ginger

[swilson]

I'm sorry Jess, I agree with your description of this being a hell of a ride where we can't predict the next crash. On a somewhat positive note, Dr. Robert Jeffress once said, "Going through grief is like going through a tunnel. The bad news is the tunnel is dark. The good news is that once you enter into that tunnel, you are already on your way out."

[Trying]

Stress, big life changes, grief, it's bound to catch up with you no matter how positive and optimistic you are.  I hope you can give yourself a break, some times you just need to ride it out.  And remember, here we don't ever have to pretend that there are no dark times.

[Jess]

Thank you everyone.

I was thinking about it a bit yesterday and realizing what a blessing it is in my life to have people that get me and that I found you all so early in this journey. As soon as I found all of you, suddenly I wasn't alone. Rather, I belonged somewhere and having somewhere I belonged is exactly what I needed to work towards healing. Every time I am down, someone is there to pick me up or simply to tell me I am normal in abnormal circumstances. Thank you!

[lcoxwell]

I am another eternal optimist. No matter what life seems to throw at me, it is simply in my nature to look for something positive in the situation. Like you, I have a tendency to share more of the positive aspects of my life, than the negative ones. But as you said, there are days, when the blues just hit, and no matter how much I might want to sweep them under the rug or focus on the good in my life, the blues insist on being front and center. I am sorry you have those days. I am sorry we all do.

[BrokenHeart2]

I have always said 'I don't do crazy well' and this grief journey is crazy. I'm doing the best that I can.

[Jen]

I have always said 'I don't do crazy well' and this grief journey is crazy. I'm doing the best that I can.

I like how you said this. I think it sums me up pretty well too. I hate feeling so out of control emotionally, and so fragile-- it's like being made of glass, one little bump and I shatter all over again. I never thought of myself as a colossally jacked-up person, but I must be. I want to know how long this stupid tunnel is, and when I can get out of it, because I've never hated anything as much as i hate being here.

[Ursula]

Jess, I can relate so well. I haven't been on the board for quite some time, because I felt so disconnected and tired of this situation that I just tried to distract myself with movies and other stuff. But I have missed it, you and all the other people here. Yes, we all make one another feel less alone, that is so important. And we don't have to grasp for words to explain, becuase everybody here understands what this feels like, so often helpless and desperate and endless with no end and no remedy. This community is so priceless. I  hope you have an 'up' phase coming along and see some light. Good weather and sun and being outside helps my mood for sure , so I hope you have good weather. Hang in there dear.  Yeah, the tunnel idea sounds good, if only it were all painless on he other side of it.
Many many hugs.

 

[mixelated]

Wow, I should have come back here to read and share weeks ago. I've been feeling like I've been circling the drain. But reading where everyone is emotionally (now that I'm in this 6-12 month category) is like remembering to breathe. Oh. You're all here too. Right where I am.
 (hugs)

[Jen]

I've been feeling like I've been circling the drain.

((((Hugs))))) That's a scarily accurate way to put it. I feel like I'm circling it endlessly-- but I never quite manage to whoosh out. I can't quite escape the downward pull, though. :-/