Author Topic: With family like this ... who needs enemies?  (Read 827 times)

Carey

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  • Widowed 11/23/13 Joined YWBB 12/2/13
With family like this ... who needs enemies?
« on: June 22, 2015, 09:53:38 AM »
So I'm sure most of you read the horror story of my weekend. I had been trying nonstop to reach my sister, who I knew was also vacationing in the area ... she was maybe 45 minutes away from me. I couldn't get a response of any kind. She and I used to be BEST FRIENDS.  She is also the principal of my daughter's school and she has always been very close to my daughter. Today... after the crisis was resolved she sends me a facebook message and asks me is my daughter wearing a bra or swimsuit top in her pictures from the weekend on facebook!!!!...goes on to say it "looks like the June edition of Playboy".  I kid you not.  It's a 40s style vintage swimsuit and I actually thought it was way more appropriate than others she's had.  Do ya'll experience that? Like your family members being more in your business now after losing your spouse?  I am literally not speaking to one of my brothers, to the point of even unfriending him on facebook because he would say things like "are you sure you can afford that", if I was out with the kids somewhere, or why are you there when your kids are at home alone (hello they are 18 and 16), what are they having for dinner, etc. on public social media no less.  It's like without Chad I can't take care of myself? The kicker is , they didn't like Chad all that much and I'm sure they didn't assume he was taking care of us, so why do they feel its their inalienable right to butt in now?  It's such a strange thing that I can't figure out the correlation between him dying and all my relationships changing so drastically. I've seen my new great nephew ONCE since he was born, no one calls unless it's to bitch, I get left out of things or not told of changes in plans (missed thanksgiving dinner over that one).  It's a real phenomenon I think cause I've heard many similar stories here, I just can't figure out the reason. :smh:
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter

anniegirl

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Re: With family like this ... who needs enemies?
« Reply #1 on: June 22, 2015, 10:59:22 AM »
I am not particularly close or bestie with any of my siblings but my mother and I are close.

In the first year of widowhood, she and I clashed a lot. More than we ever had. Not even when I was a teenager. She could give me no advice at all that didn't rub me the wrong way. It got so bad that I stopped talking to her for a week and my sister had to intervene to patch things up.

Even in retrospect, I am not sure what was going on other than - life had taken a drastic turn and everyone was reeling a bit.

When someone dies, everyone has to shift and find their new place. The best thing, imo, is to keep lines of communication open and as drama free as possible, realizing that this probable a best case scenario that won't always happen.

My sister (who has no daughters) loves to give me advice about mine. I mostly ignore her. If she had asked me something like that about a swimsuit, I would likely have been very matter of fact "Why no, it's a vintage swimsuit." And let her stew in her embarrassment.

I am sorry to hear that your weekend didn't work out as planned but glad that you got things straightened out.

As for your family, you might seem like yourself to you but they probably see things differently and are trying to figure things out still. Best thing is to simply just remember that you can't control anyone but you and to be very clear on how you want to be treated. Usually things settle and conflicts resolve without much more than doing that.

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