Young Widow Forum

Socializing => Social Encounters => Topic started by: momtokam on July 13, 2015, 06:52:01 AM

Title: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on July 13, 2015, 06:52:01 AM
Why do I assume everyone I talk to is honest.

You chat with someone for a few days, make plans to meet, day and time, just need to pick a place, he knows I need to make childcare plans, and poof, the day before he stops responding even though he is seen on the site.  What do these jerks find so amusing about this?
Just man up and say you changed your mind. Don't appear interested if you are not! Sheesh!

I really don't know if I am up for trying this again. It's so infuriating!

Feel free to add your on line dating vents.

Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Captains wife on July 13, 2015, 07:20:53 AM
Yes...been there a number of times. I also found that I would make a date with a guy, then he would find out about my single mother/widow status and then cancel. There was one guy in particular, a teacher, who seemed really into me - we emailed, texted, chatted on the phone, had a great Sat night date planned in Boston and then he cancelled right after he found out I was a widow with a son. (And he did via an email right after phone call but not admitting why exactly.) I went out once with a self made guy in Newport - thought 1st date went well, he seemed really into me, great chemistry, seemed to want to go out again. We texted several times a day for a few weeks. We had a romantic 2nd date planned, I had arranged child care etc, then poof - disappeared.

But then again, we wouldnt want to end up with these types of guys either. I wish people could be upfront in the dating game but most arent. The issue with online dating is there is so much choice out there  - on both sides. Saying that, however, I did meet some really great men when I did online dating so they are out there - it just takes a bit of time to weed through the "un"matches to find your match. Wishing you all the best - none of this is easy!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on July 13, 2015, 08:40:46 AM
Thanks Captain wife. So sorry you dealt with this too.

I know there are good ones out there.  I just wish the jerks weren't.

I wasn't sure I wanted to try again but thought why not about a week ago. This guy is 50, knew my widow status with kids, and seemed very into me. Boy my gut feeling must be really off.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: RobFTC on July 13, 2015, 11:08:50 AM
I have grumbles to match.  On the weekend, two women "liked" me on match, and the second one initiated an e-mail as well.  I contacted the first who seemed interested in meeting and suggested a time, crickets since Friday.  The second one was just yesterday afternoon, so it's too early to call crickets, but I feel like I know what to expect.  I don't understand why people just stop.  An analogy I have used before is people talking on the phone and then wandering off without bothering to hang up.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on July 13, 2015, 01:10:21 PM
Rob, I'm sorry.

Your analogy is right on the mark. Do people feel being on line means all social skills are out the window?

A simple "Thanks for chatting, I'm pursuing something with someone, and would like to give that a chance. Perhaps we can chat again soon" would work for me. We all know that some can have many on the go but a little social grace should still be expected.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Bear1956 on July 13, 2015, 03:38:59 PM
People feel entitled to be jerks with online dating, guys and gals, imho. It is the whole anonymous thing. Very little chance of you running into them at the local food mart.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Bear1956 on July 13, 2015, 03:41:14 PM
I have grumbles to match.  On the weekend, two women "liked" me on match, and the second one initiated an e-mail as well.  I contacted the first who seemed interested in meeting and suggested a time, crickets since Friday.  The second one was just yesterday afternoon, so it's too early to call crickets, but I feel like I know what to expect.  I don't understand why people just stop.  An analogy I have used before is people talking on the phone and then wandering off without bothering to hang up.

Take care,
Rob T

That too.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: nonesuch on July 14, 2015, 08:22:29 PM
I had one fellow email me that he was looking forward to meet me and five days later - ncns.  It wasn't his fault, though. He had revived a former relationship.  Two weeks after that he answered another ad I'd posted.

I chatted with one man at 9 a.m. about meeting between noon and two. He never showed. When I emailed him that evening he claimed to have called me during the morning and getting no answer determined that I had backed out. Nope, not willing to re-schedule, either.  I never received a call, and my cell didn't list any missed calls. A year or so later he, too answered my ad again.  I emailed him and reminded him that a year ago we'd set up a meeting and he'd no called-no showed.  He admitted at that time, yeah, sometimes he just does that. He was sensitive to rejection.

I had a fellow answer my ads a couple times, thinking I was a prostitute.   Nothing wrong with being one, everybody's gotta earn a living somehow.  My ad was quite clear that I was looking for a relationship, though. After a couple times I started to include at the end, "Colonel Jack, I'm not a pro. Don't bother responding to this ad."  Quite a few men wrote, wanting to know what was the deal and who was Colonel Jack?

I saved one cute looking man to my "favorites' list on OKCupid.  A day or so later he blocked me. :-(

Dating (nowadays) is not for the faint of heart.  People who have only typed into the computer don't have as many reservations about hurting our feelings because they've never met us. until they do, somehow we aren't real. There are good people out there. 



Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on July 14, 2015, 08:51:19 PM
I guess I understand the anonymity thing but wouldn't it be interesting to actually run into them in person. Surprise! I'm real you jerk!

Nonesuch, what losers have crossed your path!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on July 16, 2015, 08:14:22 PM
Hi, friends.
I haven't posted in a while, but do read and check in now and then.

Perfectly timed post @momtokam and others ... I've also been braving the online dating scene these past couple of weeks.
You aren't alone in the "bizarr-o" stories. I can spin a tale and have my non-widowed friends laughing, but seriously ... this is our life, right? Not so funny.

I've had a bunch of "...great, thanks for your number, I'll call you this afternoon" - never to be heard from again (then I see them checking out my profile again days later).

One who said it was perfectly fine for me to google him before our planned beach walk and dinner date; I do and see the numerous articles reporting his indictment for drug smuggling - okay, even then I extended him the social courtesy of a note when I bowed out.

Those that text "have a good weekend" - ummm, it is Wednesday, but okay.  Code for I'll never hear from you again. Delete that conversation.

The one who I felt had "potential," who flew in from Atlanta to meet, had a wonderful first meeting at the airport, enjoyed a lovely waterside meal, had an engaging conversation of depth ... when a look came over his face and he said, "Whoa, you are really grounded, centered and so amazing, you've really done your work. I've clearly been faking it and I'm so sorry I misled you that I have it all together; I'm a mess. I'm so sorry." And left back to the airport.  Three and one-half hours - a new all-time low. 

And here is the doozy of the day - there was the one who just today wrote to me, a widowed artist - asking me how long I had been divorced (widowed is in my profile), and answered one of those questions  they ask you ("Is art important to you") with a crass "I don't give a crap about art."
Really.

The ones that call just to have some playful banter on the phone and are always shocked that I am intelligent, fairly articulate and can "keep up." I have no idea who else they are talking to, but those are just one-offs, it seems. Like someone random to talk to for a few minutes.

Oh, how about this one - I don't understand the lack of courtesy of a reply when a woman writes a short note of introduction. Whether interested or not, acknowledge please. I find that rather rude. But just hit delete. 

And I know for sure that the "crazy" works in both gender directions. Just retelling a few of mine in the last two weeks.

This got long - so, I guess I'm making up for not posting for so long!
I'm trying not to get jaded, just using my filter, thinking the initial best of others (unless/until they teach me otherwise), staying hopeful and optimistic, having fun with it - casually dating - and trying not to take any of it too personally. Everything in its right time. 

Maybe a sexy summer romance will introduce himself to me soon ... one that doesn't necessarily end with the turn of the season.  8)

Good luck to us all.
-SunshineFL
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Needytoo on July 17, 2015, 08:04:14 AM
I joined online dating sites way back when I really wasn't ready to date but now I am ready and well..........it hasn't been easy. The last two guys that I met just rambled and rambled about themselves and the last guy smelled so much like diesel I wish I brought my full face respirator.

I have no idea why the conversation just stop or they stand you up.  Seriously why?  Is this how they treat people and if so I recommend them to stay single forever. 

There is one lady where I work.  She is slightly older than me and not to be cruel but she isn't a beauty queen.  She brags about have a different date every week.  I must be doing something totally wrong or she if full of it. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on July 17, 2015, 09:32:51 AM
The last two guys that I met just rambled and rambled about themselves ...

....She brags about have a different date every week.  I must be doing something totally wrong or she if full of it.

@Needytoo - I hear you.
I've had several "over-sharers" as well. I know I'm easy to talk to and a good listener, but giving me the Cliff Notes versions of all their most challenging life stories in a short coffee date is a "tad" over the top.

And, about your co-worker, my guess is that her threshold / standards / criteria / expectations for dating are much different (read, less high quality / less stringent ) than yours.  I'm okay (perhaps you are, too) not going out rather than spend a night out with someone who isn't a good match for me. Maybe she is good with Mr. Right Now (which I'm gathering is easy to get lots of dates with that way of thinking) - rather than laying the groundwork for a long-term, healthy, loving, multi-level relationship.

Try not to compare - you be you.  :D 
-SunshineFL
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: sunshinedaydreamz on July 17, 2015, 01:17:26 PM
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Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: RobFTC on July 17, 2015, 04:57:47 PM
Oh, how about this one - I don't understand the lack of courtesy of a reply when a woman writes a short note of introduction. Whether interested or not, acknowledge please. I find that rather rude.

It's a red-letter day when I get a "thanks but no thanks" from a woman.  The impression of The Abyss is far, far more common.  I think I get more "sure, let's talk" responses than polite refusals, and I think I have only had a woman use the "No Thanks" button at the bottom of *every* match.com message just three times.  I'd recommend just thinking about no response as the way people pronounce "No thanks" on the Interwebz.  I try to respond to every multi-word message I get from a woman (omitting "hi" and their ilk if I don't see a match), but I don't hold myself to perfection here.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on July 17, 2015, 08:37:12 PM
Thanks, Rob.
I think they were your words of wisdom (and you shared a nice phrase that stuck with me) on the former board that helped me make sure I respond even when I'm not interested or don't think we are a good match.
Thanks for that.
I don't really sweat a no response - just move on.
Be well.
-SunshineFL
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on July 17, 2015, 10:14:24 PM
Nice to see you SunshineFL!

My favorite on your list has to be the guy who was OK with you Googling him? Hysterical considering what he knew you would find.

Unless I get a "Hi" only or something x-rated as a message, I will respond. If they make an effort, I make an effort.

Now I have my cousin sending me screen shots of on line profiles I should checkout. Maybe her judgement is better than mine LOL.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on July 18, 2015, 12:56:47 PM
Nice to see you SunshineFL!

Now I have my cousin sending me screen shots of on line profiles I should checkout. Maybe her judgement is better than mine LOL.

Nice to be "seen" @momtokam, and thank you for starting this thread just now; so timely. We can be here for each other as we navigate all this and help each other stay hopeful and optimistic.  :D

Gotta love the helpful friends/family members sending screen shots. Who knows? Maybe that will be the introduction that sparks it all?  8)

I don't even want to imagine if my profile has been "screenshot-ed" and forwarded, saved, whatever. The "ick" side of my love/hate with the internet. (LOL)  [BTW, this board and wonderfully supportive community is on the "love" side.  :)]

I just added match to my repertoire so now I'm giving match and okcupid a shot. I asked a friend of mine why it is that I seem to give more attention, interest or possibility to a man who has been widowed who shows interest in me. Because, we all know that the status and common experience of being widowed alone doesn't make anyone a good match for each other. So many other thresholds have to be crossed and align, right? 

He told me, it isn't that - think of it like a resume and that credential gets him in the door with me. He still has to pass the interview stage(s). <LOL>    ;D  Oh goodness.

Buckle up, friends, quite the roller coaster of summer fun here in "social encounters."
Chat soon, SunshineFL
 
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on July 18, 2015, 11:33:39 PM
Never thought my profiles could be screen shot and sent on! Oh boy!

Tonight I got a very nice response from a gentleman who, I did not have an interest in, thanking me for replying. He thought I was very kind and would be snatched up quick by a very lucky guy.

Now I'm not sure about that. I need someone beyond the 20 year olds who like my hair to message me. Maybe it could be the guy my age, who messaged me looking for a serious committed relationship but says he is strickly non monogamous. Sigh.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: RobFTC on July 19, 2015, 11:26:09 AM
Serious committed relationship + strictly non-monogamous?  What's he got in mind, MTK, a harem? :-)

I catch myself in harem fantasies every so often, and then I remember how much energy it takes to maintain just ONE good relationship.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on July 19, 2015, 12:34:20 PM
Serious committed relationship + strictly non-monogamous?  What's he got in mind, MTK, a harem? :-)

I catch myself in harem fantasies every so often, and then I remember how much energy it takes to maintain just ONE good relationship.

😁😁😁😁😁😁
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: ieh21 on July 22, 2015, 08:50:01 AM
Yeah, my biggest problem with online dating is that no one seems that interested in dating at all. It felt to me like a ton of people were actively scouring the website, sending out feelers, but no one really wanted to take the plunge and you know, meet. It's like online shopping at a luxury goods store. I'm just looking. I'd loooove this item, that item, oooh this is cute, but when comes time to checkout, I see the prices and delete the whole thing.

I think people are really chicken. Or entitled. Or close-minded. How bad can an hour spent with anyone really be? A widow with children isn't looking to get married to you tomorrow morning after one hour spent at Starbucks. So relax on "managing expectations". Flirting takes practice, don't worry, you're just my practice round.

People forget that there's an actual person on the other side of the screen. Or they don't care.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: sunshinedaydreamz on July 22, 2015, 01:55:54 PM
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Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: imissdow on July 22, 2015, 04:17:19 PM
Did on-line for about 2 years. Met some really nice guys and some not so nice ones.  I finally quit when it seemed like all I was attracting was married guys. The last one (i think) was married and  his profile said he lived  less the 5 miles away. However I asked him why he had a Philadelphia number. He came up with I used to live there. I asked what he liked to see/do there he told me about the historic district after going off line long enough to Google something.  I could almost hear the gagging noise when I told him I made several trips that way every year to see my sister.  I got a last name from him and Googled him only to find out he doesn't exist.  On-line is hard. It takes a ton of time and you really need to have a thick skin.  Not sure that the type of guy I want is the type that would be on-line.  It really takes me awhile to warm up to someone and that doesn't seem to be the case on-line.

At one point I tried to respond to everyone who sent me a message. After awhile it felt like to much work and about half of the guys I did do a thanks,but no thanks to wanted a reason.  I have not met you I don't own you a explanation.  I just started blocking them.

At some point I might venture online again. Maybe when I'm bored over the winter and need some new entertainment.

I think this serious yet non-monogamous guy wants a gal that is committed yet he can do whatever he pleases.  Sound like the one guy who contacted me and wanted a committed yet open relationship I responded isn't that  a FWB?
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on July 22, 2015, 04:53:29 PM
For your reading entertainment, here is today's hightlight -

A man reached out to me with a message complimenting my profile words, the best and most articulate he has ever read on *any* site - he states, and letting me know he was looking for a dominant-submissive-psychological thing - not like 50Shades because, according to him, it was a crock and not realistic for the "lifestyle" he wants and lives at all.

I never judge and to each his/her own no doubt - but is this my world?
Goodness.
Okay - feel free to laugh - really, it is the best option?  ;)

~SunshineFL
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: sunshinedaydreamz on July 22, 2015, 04:53:45 PM
Yes it takes huge patience and sense of humor.
Almost everyone I ever met online has a slew of "friends".
I often asked them is this a friends site or a dating site. Endless texts (ok so that's your son texting, you must have an awful lot of sons). Became ridiculous to the point of absurd. I left that all behind and seriously, have taken up fishing, and boating. I meet more single people doing what I like, then ever before on a dating site(s). It's relaxing, don't  have to make excuses, or compete with 14 other (people their dating, or "friending"), and it's more relaxing than I ever thought could be possible. And at the end of the day I'm still able to honor the memory of my lost spouse (without guilt or having to make excuses), with honor, and make new friends. It may work for others (dating sites), but I have come full circle in realizing that's not the way I'm going to meet any new companion, let alone future spouse. I guess I can for the first time say I'm happy and don't miss the sites.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on July 22, 2015, 04:57:28 PM
leh21 that would Be the perfect profile. Just what you wrote.
It would certainly limit the window shoppers !

@ieh21 - I agree with @sunshinedaydreamz (great screen name!  :) - copy and paste and write that. I bet it would help get the "real men" to message you and set up the real initial meeting.
~SunshineFL
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on July 22, 2015, 05:00:56 PM
Yes it takes huge patience and sense of humor.
...
I left that all behind and seriously, have taken up fishing, and boating. I meet more single people doing what I like...

...I can for the first time say I'm happy and don't miss the sites.

Love all this @sunshinedaydreamz.
Well said.
Happy.
~SunshineFL
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on July 23, 2015, 11:25:31 AM
Thank you everyone! Loving everyone's experiences.

Latest update:

-Gentleman 18 years older than me says he knows he is "past my expiration date" on age but his parts are in "working order:! Oddly enough it was a very nice thought out message and not crude at all!

-I've replied to initial messages I have liked and nothing back.

-after replying nicely with a thanks for your interest but no thank you, one man thanked me for "saving" him, and another told me "don't be flattered, why would I think he was interested"

-I started communicating with a very nice gentleman, let's see how it goes


Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: sunshinedaydreamz on July 23, 2015, 01:29:56 PM
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Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Nuggets on July 24, 2015, 08:12:48 AM
I think that a lot of people on dating sites don't really want to date...
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on July 24, 2015, 10:07:59 AM
I think that a lot of people on dating sites don't really want to date...

I think that is true, too, Nuggets. Perhaps wanting the "appearance of connection" online only, not in real life.

Momtokam, glad you are chatting with someone who seems nice and perhaps has potential.  Enjoy and keep us posted.
 
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: nonesuch on July 24, 2015, 04:48:41 PM
Yeah, my biggest problem with online dating is that no one seems that interested in dating at all. It felt to me like a ton of people were actively scouring the website, sending out feelers, but no one really wanted to take the plunge and you know, meet... snip...
I think people are really chicken... How bad can an hour spent with anyone really be?

This.  Even a bad date is practice for when someone good comes along.  I have a job interview tomorrow for a job I'm pretty sure I'm not going to want.  I could be wrong, it could be my dream job.  Don't risk not knowing!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Sugarbell on July 26, 2015, 09:24:07 PM
My brief experience--do not lie about your height!!

If you say you are 6 ft....but are really 5'7...And I show up all 5'10 of me in 2 inch heels...

Well it's embarrassing and awkward.

Even new guy said he was 6....nope he's 5'11...No biggie but come on! You can camouflage a few pounds...but height is cut and dry.

The other crap I could weed through....but height...nope unless they said 6'3 or above I was prepared for anything
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on July 27, 2015, 08:21:25 AM
My brief experience--do not lie about your height!!

So true, Sugarbell. I seem to see it a lot, as well. Height and age.
I see a number that tells me an age but I'm looking at a photo that tells me 10-20 years older and the two just don't align.  It really can't be all genes and DNA, right?

Momtokam and I were chatting about this a little offline, and I thought I'd share yet another of my recent dating "oh my goodness" moments -

I went out to dinner a few times with an unexpected gentleman this past week and we were really enjoying each other, the intelligent banter and great conversations. I thought I was close to enjoying some "trouble" this weekend [LOL  ;) ] until he called and said he couldn't see me any more as he knew he wasn't my long-term forever guy (his explanation: not of the same faith and politically opposite), and that he was at risk for getting hurt because he could see himself falling head over heels for me in love because I am the "whole package" (his words), I am all the qualities and everything he is looking for. I really respected his honesty and showing me his vulnerability in protecting his heart - I completely respect that - another reason why I was enjoying him so much.
But can't a young widowed gal just have some fun?!?!?  ;)  LOL
All I can say is - I can't believe this is my world.
Staying optimistic and hopeful (despite so much evidence to the contrary). 8)
Be well, friends,
-SunshineFL
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Momtojandj on July 27, 2015, 11:16:08 AM
So I had a guy message me today .. Look at his profile and says he's seeing someone. So , I responded and asked , if he's trying to collect women .. Could be trouble. Argh ! Hate online
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on July 27, 2015, 04:05:04 PM
So I had a guy message me today .. Look at his profile and says he's seeing someone. So , I responded and asked , if he's trying to collect women .. Could be trouble. Argh ! Hate online

Maybe he was the same man who messaged me today who said he was polyamorous. :o

Exchanged a few messages today with a local man (college professor) who did this back and forth "tell me something interesting about you" Q&A (just "tell me - not, please tell me").

After the 2nd exchange, he then *directed* that we meet on Wednesday night for a drink and then, if sparks fly, I could give him my number.... no please, no would you like to meet, just a directive.  Where did gentlemenly courtesy and respect go?  And I wonder if there are women who respond to directives like that from strangers and just show up at the designated time and place? 

Strength to us both @momtojandj and to us all.  :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Baylee627 on July 27, 2015, 11:35:13 PM
I'm thinking Mr. Professorial has watched 50 Shades of Grey one time too many and needs a swift reality check. Um, you don't order a woman to report for a drink and she's all shits and giggles just to do so.

Just say no. Make that, hell no.

Baylee
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: sunshinedaydreamz on July 28, 2015, 12:13:40 AM
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Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: fairlanegirl on July 28, 2015, 01:16:55 AM

After the 2nd exchange, he then *directed* that we meet on Wednesday night for a drink and then, if sparks fly, I could give him my number.... no please, no would you like to meet, just a directive.  Where did gentlemenly courtesy and respect go?  And I wonder if there are women who respond to directives like that from strangers and just show up at the designated time and place? 
I'm mildly curious as to how exactly he 'directed' you? Did he say, "Meet me at such-and-such at this time"? Sometimes things can seem blunter written down than expressed vocally, can't they.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on July 28, 2015, 08:02:36 AM
Thanks Baylee, sunshinedaydreamz and fairlanegirl.
I didn't get the sense that he was "inappropriate" in any way, but, yes, brusque.

Of course, tone is hard to read in text/written messages and can sound more blunt and unpolished, perhaps. I always like to think the initial best of others.  However, when read as a collective of correspondence, all of his messages to me were written with imperative sentences without use of any softening, respectful courtesy words - no pleases, no would you like tos, no, I'd enjoy meeting you, are you available this week, etc.

Two of his imperative sentences were:
"Tell me three interesting things about you."
"Meet me here on Wednesday at this time."
These are curt directives - especially since he had never met me or spoken to me as of yet.

I did have an initial phone conversation with him last night (I was curious to see past the written words as he said he is a college professor) - and I could better hear in his voice that he is just like how he writes - high energy, a lot of "I" sentences, brusque, definitive, pragmatic, and I didn't initially sense he was all that interested in starting to get to know me - says he has been enjoying online dating for about two years and meeting all different kinds of women. He did sound like in his heart he is a decent and good man and likely a good match for someone lovely. Not a match for me, but I'm glad I didn't dismiss him based on initial written words alone.

These waters are hard to navigate.
Have a beautiful day ahead, friends.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Wheelerswife on July 28, 2015, 08:45:16 AM
Sunshine...after having been married to a professor...not quite like this guy, though...I have found that some others are a bit direct.  They have really well developed aspects in the intellectual realm, but perhaps less well developed aspects in others?  They are still awfully good people, and capable of learning.  I found with John that I needed to be gentle, but clear about what I liked and didn't like.  He wasn't as aware initially, for instance, that he came across as being so much more logical than I was in making decisions.  He was able to start seeing that I had a different perspective (more emotional) when it came to decision making and we worked things out well.

Maybe give the guy a chance?  If not...give him my number?  (Kidding...just kidding!)

Maureen
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on July 28, 2015, 10:19:00 AM
Sunshine...after having been married to a professor...not quite like this guy, though...I have found that some others are a bit direct.  They have really well developed aspects in the intellectual realm, but perhaps less well developed aspects in others?  They are still awfully good people, and capable of learning.  I found with John that I needed to be gentle, but clear about what I liked and didn't like.  He wasn't as aware initially, for instance, that he came across as being so much more logical than I was in making decisions.  He was able to start seeing that I had a different perspective (more emotional) when it came to decision making and we worked things out well.

Maybe give the guy a chance?  If not...give him my number?  (Kidding...just kidding!)

Maureen

Oh, Maureen - you are such a gem.
Thanks for taking a moment to add your personal insights here ~ and I love that you are clicking over to the "social encounters" board..that is such a good sign of healing growth (((hugs))).

I actually am "giving him a chance" - he sent a nice morning text to which I replied in kind. Nothing is off the table. I was describing first impressions only. You know how "sensing" and calm I am; he just seemed to initially resonate at a much more powerful, louder tone and energetic level than I do. Could be who his is, could be just first phone call nerves. I don't have to know it all today, right?

But you know what - I love, love, love your idea of a fix up introduction! Yes.  ;) 
In fact, I've done it a few times already in this online dating foray. I meet someone that seems nice, but not my guy, and something makes me think that he would be a good fit for a friend here, or a friend there, of mine - and I get their individual permission and introduce them. Each time, they've been open to the match and appreciate me making the connections. Fun, right?

I know you were joking around just now - but good joking around.
Nice. ((((more hugs))))

In the meantime, an interesting gentleman that lives near the beach not far from me reached out yesterday - a few nice emails, texts and then a fairly long and lovely evening phone conversation last night. He asked me out for a dinner date tomorrow and I said yes.

See ... you just never know what a day will bring.  :)
Keeping hopeful and optimistic and open-minded.
Chat soon, SunshineFL
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Bear1956 on July 28, 2015, 04:51:24 PM
My brief experience--do not lie about your height!!

If you say you are 6 ft....but are really 5'7...And I show up all 5'10 of me in 2 inch heels...

Well it's embarrassing and awkward.

Even new guy said he was 6....nope he's 5'11...No biggie but come on! You can camouflage a few pounds...but height is cut and dry.

The other crap I could weed through....but height...nope unless they said 6'3 or above I was prepared for anything

I tend to be attracted to short thick gals like my mom.  :o
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Bear1956 on July 28, 2015, 04:52:19 PM

My brief experience--do not lie about your height!!

If you say you are 6 ft....but are really 5'7...And I show up all 5'10 of me in 2 inch heels...

Well it's embarrassing and awkward.

Even new guy said he was 6....nope he's 5'11...No biggie but come on! You can camouflage a few pounds...but height is cut and dry.

The other crap I could weed through....but height...nope unless they said 6'3 or above I was prepared for anything

I tend to be attracted to short thick gals like my mom.  :o
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: sunshinedaydreamz on July 29, 2015, 02:30:31 PM
Your Mom was attracted to short thick girls ?
Oh, I read that wrong ( :
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Bear1956 on July 30, 2015, 12:17:39 AM
Your Mom was attracted to short thick girls ?
Oh, I read that wrong ( :

I guess a comma was needed.  :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on August 12, 2015, 09:49:05 AM
The latest diary of an on line dating(attempting) widow for your reading pleasure.....

So I have had a married man looking for a fwb contacting me constantly.  I finally replied with a no hoping to get him to stop....he wants to keep talking as friends....seriously?!?!

That guy who thanked me for saving him when I said I wasn't interested a couple weeks ago, contacted me again.....short memory he has!

I've had a few nice messages but zero attraction is there for me. I really feel like I'd be wasting both of our time in persuing. Maybe I need to rethink this one...perhaps in person something could be there. I really am not looking for model material, just something in their eyes or smile that says something could be there.

I've sent out a few messages. ..crickets so far.

More 20 year olds......

And a toe fetish guy......

Stay tuned.....there will be more I am sure, if I decide to stick this out a bit.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Captains wife on August 12, 2015, 11:13:30 AM
Thanks for the update Momtokam...I know....its a jungle out there. When I was dating, I went out with/corresponded with something like 40-50 men before I started dating one guy I really liked. And, I was at one point on 3 dating sites...I saw all kinds, seriously. (I had married guys hitting on me, 20-somethings, guys offering to "loosen me up", guys speculating whether I had too much baggage, guys deciding they were in love right away, etc etc.) I dated some crazies, liars, guys totally not my type but also met some really great men through it - it just takes time and patience. If someone was a "maybe" for me online, I would talk to them on the phone first and then if there was something there I did try a date. I have also established some nice male friendships through all my dating folly - which I am thankful for.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on August 12, 2015, 01:20:37 PM
Thanks Captains wife. It really helps to hear others experiences.

If they are a maybe, I do try and get to know them more. It's the ones that make me say no that I might have to rethink. Still learning as I go.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: imissdow on August 12, 2015, 01:33:43 PM
I made liberal use of the block and hide features. In fact at one point I took a look at who I had done this to and it was several pages long. When they asked for a FWB or got rather graphic with what they were seeking from a "date"  and it was not anything close to what I was looking for.I figured I was just saving myself some frustration and making the site a little more user friendly to me.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: sunshinedaydreamz on August 12, 2015, 02:57:48 PM
I rarely blocked anyone. I found it much more of a positive tactic to not respond.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on August 12, 2015, 08:03:33 PM
Thanks for the update @momtokam.
Good luck wih the current options ... and you never know what a new day will bring.
Seems par for the course; looking for that needle in a haystack that is just the right match for you.

Two days ago, I disabled both of my online profiles on OKC and match. Had enough of trying to filter and navigate it all for now.  Needed a break.

And wouldn't you know ... "coincidently," with all that free energy and time released, my summer writer's block eased and I wrote my August blog entry reflections. The words practically wrote and edited themselves! LOL

Be well, friends.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Needytoo on August 13, 2015, 02:38:51 PM
This past week I have been chatting with a guy and it is just so extremely painfully boring.  I am trying to be patient because lord knows I have writers block as well.  He asks how was my day so I told him some details.  I didn't want to into too much detail just gave him the highlights.  Two minutes after I posted it, he writes back and asks how my day is going?  Just don't think there is a match there. 

I do like what SunshineFl did.I think it is time I follow that path. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Catherine on August 13, 2015, 05:06:36 PM
Glad I am not the only one who feels like this!!!

I don't really like online dating, but as most of my friends are married and/or have kids, my social life is pretty dead!!!  And I work in an office so don't really meet people through work.  I feel like online dating is my online option, which sucks  :-\

I have never hidden I am a widow and when I am on match (taken myself off for now, not been on for a few months as currently can't be bothered LOL) I am honest about the fact I am widowed, it hasn't affected anything as far as I am aware

I have only actually been on one date through match, the guy said he was "separated" which put me off but he seemed really nice so I went to meet him anyway.  He was literally just getting divorced, after being with his wife for 10 years, and I think he literally wanted to meet someone and get straight into a full on serious relationship!

Told him I liked him but could we cool off (because he wanted to see me ALL the time, I have a job ha!) and then just as I decided to give things a go, he said he had started seeing someone else and after TWO DATES they were going to give things ago

So after that I gave up, I am however been persuaded to go speed dating in a couple of weeks, let's see what that brings!!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: sunshinedaydreamz on August 13, 2015, 06:55:58 PM
^^^^
Well he is obviously hot on the trail for a new relationship in the midst of not even being seperated that long ??
Better for you, you should never settle for someone not over a marriage. He's got a long way to go, and from experience, many seperated people all of a sudden try to make amends and go back to their exes. You certainly deserve more ! And never, ever, settle, for second best. You're the most important person, in the world.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: nonesuch on August 15, 2015, 03:38:23 PM
Playing devil's advocate here:   I knew a man who'd been separated for years.  He didn't bother to start divorce proceedings until he met someone special.

On the other hand, I met two men who were separated and told me they had no intentions of getting divorced.  One had a good-ish reason, one said he had no reason to actually divorce.  I took that to mean, "no matter how long we date, I'll never make a commitment to you. I'll always  have an excuse to opt out of our relationship, if I decide to give my marriage one last chance. You can't possibly think poorly of me for doing that." 
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Portside on August 15, 2015, 03:55:52 PM
I'll always  have an excuse to opt out of our relationship, if I decide to give my marriage one last chance. You can't possibly think poorly of me for doing that."

You may be surprised Skippy. I do give him an 'A' for honesty though.

I was always surprised when one of my late wife's friends tried to fix me up with a friend that was still married. "It's complicated" they'd say. "No it isn't" I'd say. If you are willing to date while still married, that tells me something about you - that assessment which with I'm sure you'd violently disagree. Now that doesn't mean I wouldn't go out with you and be open to any and all types of fun that adults may have.

But as far as a potential long term prospect - your chances are now at zero. 

Good luck - Mike
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: sunshinedaydreamz on August 17, 2015, 08:36:50 PM
There is a difference to me between married (physically seperated pending actually divorce), and just, married. If there are young children involved it becomes even more complicated. I wouldn't have plans with someone not filing or still living together, true. But each situation is unique. One size doesn't fit all. The same could be said dating someone hung up on an ex, or just wanting to casually date. If you are considering a future with someone married, best to not get your hopes high just yet. Just an opinion.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on August 17, 2015, 10:20:01 PM
I am however been persuaded to go speed dating in a couple of weeks, let's see what that brings!!

Catherine, I am thinking about speed dating as well. I am trying to convince a friend to go with me in September. Let us know how it goes!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Catherine on August 18, 2015, 05:45:11 PM
I will!!  Was meant to be going on Friday, but me and my friend are going on holiday a week on Saturday, so we have decided to go when we get back
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Helen on August 22, 2015, 08:44:37 AM

If Match is the same everywhere then I find it really difficult to navigate. It is hard to follow a conversation and I have missed a couple of responses from people for some reason.

All good though because:

(http://puu.sh/jKqT7/55e19db008.png)

This guy is probably a keeper right  ;)

One of my best friends is on the same dating site as me and we often have the same men contact us, recently one guy arranged to meet us both on the same day, same place, 2 hours apart. We both decided not to go and told him we were friends and he vanished.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: sunshinedaydreamz on August 22, 2015, 01:27:50 PM
Yes certainly a keeper.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Portside on August 22, 2015, 02:30:40 PM

One of my best friends is on the same dating site as me and we often have the same men contact us, recently one guy arranged to meet us both on the same day, same place, 2 hours apart. We both decided not to go and told him we were friends and he vanished.

Interesting Helen. I honestly do not see the issue. Planning a day like that does not automatically make the man a cad. Neither of you had met him before so there was no relationship in any fashion between the man and either you or your friend. To my mind, there was no disrespect to either of you by the guy. Nothing has been promised or even, most likely, implied yet. Everyone was at the very beginning of only an introduction. He owed you nothing more than being a gentleman when he met you. Perhaps I am missing the boat here - are you wanting a fellow to not ask anyone else out when he is simply trying to meet you for the first time? 

There is a chance you both missed an opportunity to meet a good man.

Best wishes - Mike
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: nonesuch on August 23, 2015, 08:44:10 AM

I was always surprised when one of my late wife's friends tried to fix me up with a friend that was still married. "It's complicated" they'd say. "No it isn't" I'd say.

...snip...

But as far as a potential long term prospect - your chances are now at zero. 

Good luck - Mike

yeah, the good-ish reason of married # 1 was to make sure his fourth(!) wife retained health insurance, which she needed for a chronic illness.  Admirable, but it would have left me in a legal and emotional no man's land.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Helen on August 23, 2015, 08:51:05 AM
The was of course more to this story that in that short summary Mike, the guy was a bit of an idiot and seemed to enjoy playing us off against each other. I am not sure what dating etiquette is and most of us who are busy on dating sites are not keeping ourselves to one contact, I have certainly had arrangements to meet more than one guy, but for me the line would be to not date two guys on the same day. It is fine that others draw this line elsewhere and I respect that, but when you know you are talking to two people who are friends maybe you should be aware of that and careful what you say. This guy telling my friend (who he had yet to meet) that he thought they had a long and happy future together, while also arranging to meet me just before meeting her suggests lack of good character to me.

The pickings are few and I am not passing up on any reasonable opportunities, way too desperate for that!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: sunshinedaydreamz on August 24, 2015, 09:25:00 AM
I guess I'm too not understanding. Whether it's the same day or not should really make little difference to an introduction. 

If you've deciphered the "idiot" factor then it's just to me polite to say or write I wouldn't think there is anymore reason for communicating, but disclosing ones friendship with another lady on same dating site and communications between both, I would find a bit confusing.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on August 29, 2015, 09:10:56 AM
The latest and not so greatest update from my crazy trying to date world....if I didn't live it I might not really believe it at times!

....I usually use my phone to access the dating sites. Last night I used my lap top for the first time with Match which opens up the chatting feature. Within 30 seconds there where 4 men from all over the U.S. (I am in Canada) ready to start a long distance relationship and relocate to be with me! Really? One didn't even read my profile because he was asking questions clearly answered in my profile! I kept chatting with them because I was truly in awe of their suggestions and really couldn't believe it! They were quite insistent! Oh my goodness!!

....I receive nice messages, I reply with nice messages, then they hide their profile.

....I may be starting to understand all the brief "Hi" messages. After sending out nicely thought out messages referencing their profiles...I hear crickets back....I make the effort and nothing.....hmmmm. ....Hi is so much less work.

....More cute young ones messaging me. I'm reading Bridget Jones, Mad About the Boy right now....hmmmm, maybe I need to rethink this. ...lol

....Met someone for a drink last week. He was from out of town, on business here for a week (5 hour flight away). Clearly there was no relationship potential but he was a funny, and pretty good guy so I went. It was fun and lots of great conversation. He was easy on eyes as well...we walked around the harbour front for a while and talked and laughed but I didn't get an "I'm interested" vibe. He didn't even try to touch me and no outright flirting. I thought, hey I made a cool new friend at least! He walked me to my car and we said good night. Then we kissed.....OK,  he was interested... talk about going right over my head! He walked away and I drove home. We had a good laugh over it later on the phone. Said he would call next time he is in town, he comes often. Yeah, we'll see.....he is looking for some fun only.....

As a good friend told me.....who knows what a new day will bring...

Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on August 29, 2015, 10:06:36 AM
Helen, I hope you are having better luck on Match the last few days.

I so agree with you though....the pickings are very few it seems.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: RobFTC on August 29, 2015, 11:17:57 PM
I have not figured out if I have any use for Match chat yet.  So far, all the inbound offers feel like organized scammers, every last one.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: nonesuch on August 30, 2015, 06:53:00 AM
 They try like heck to get you to keep your profile with them if you make moves to take it down.  It's always suggested that you just make your profile inactive, rather than remove it. I'm guessing there is a reason:  I suspect the dating site uses all profiles to send flirts or whatever to others to keep members interested.   I had nicely (and painstakingly) replied to a Hi, and the next day when  I looked, saw his last time online had been **months** before.  I told the company not to send me any more of these, and the weird "Hi"-s from men who weren't online stopped. If you're hearing crickets when you respond to a Hi, I'm guessing the man whose profile it came from doesn't know anything about it.

I had started to suspect the profile phantom thing...Then on the old board, a woman whose hadn't been online in months asked a still active friend to look up her old profile. There was the woman's picture, along with "Last active on site [previous day]"  !
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: sunshinedaydreamz on August 30, 2015, 09:38:41 AM
A lot of commonality ^^^^
After being OFF the dating sites for 3 years, I regularly get 5 "wanna hook ups", on my email, various foreign women Facebook requests, porn pics on my messages, you name it, each day. Actually 5 or six women I "chatted" with on the dating sites minimally, later "found" me, on Facebook, by "people you may know", when I never gave any info other than a first name. When you sign up for a dating site, somehow your email address is fair game by default. I triple checked this by putting an alternate email address on a specific dating site.
And Craigslist. Omg don't even go there.

When I put widowed on the profile it was like putting an L on my forehead.
I got responses from 20 year older women showing sagging cleavage. And 20 a day Omg im so sorries. Even if a woman doesn't post a pic, from experience she will get 50 to 1000 more messagess per day than a similar guys profile. Reason being men, or I guess one can call them that, regularly scan and message hundreds and more of women every day, which essential keeps these dating sites going.

I'm sure there are vast differences in age where maybe it would be more of an asset, but my experience it was better to simply say single and explain it later. Anyway yes these sites kept inactive profiles for years, and they say "was online yesterday". Not to mention the countless women I chatted with, with the first question being what do you do for a living? Before even asking my name. When I said Dr they would follow up with immediately wanting to marry. When I said I worked in a factory poof.. Gone.

Not hindering anyone from wanting to go on these sites, just simply writing of my experiences. I meet much classier people at restaurants, shopping for groceries, and just by meetings with friends and family.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on August 30, 2015, 09:58:22 AM
Rob, I think you might be on to something. They were all from far away and insistent on a long distance relationship within seconds. Very scammer like for sure.

Nonesuch, if this really is true, I really don't know what to think. It's already hard enough, without fake messages coming through just to keep you hooked.

Sunshinedaydreamz, I recently started to use a new separate email just for these sites. Just thought it would safer somehow, just in case.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: sunshinedaydreamz on August 30, 2015, 10:07:39 AM
Just be safe and take these sites for face value. There are some nice single people, even online. Trick is deciphering and super careful screening. Best wishes : )
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on August 30, 2015, 10:14:47 AM
Thanks sunshineanddaydreamz. It really shouldn't be this hard.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: sunshinedaydreamz on August 30, 2015, 10:16:59 AM
My thoughts exactly. You are special. Make sure you're treated that way !
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on August 31, 2015, 12:40:26 PM
Sunshinedaydreamz,  definitely....

Oh, I forgot a tip I got from that out of town guy. We were taking about on line dating scams. He is also targeted by scammers apparently. He asks them to send a picture of themselves holding something specific, pen, book, etc. If they are real and not a scam, you will know. A good tip I wish I knew in my first attempts at on line dating.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: sunshinedaydreamz on August 31, 2015, 01:18:15 PM
I always made it a rule not to meet with "out of towners".
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on August 31, 2015, 02:58:09 PM
I am a relationship person as well, aways was. It just doesn't seem to be in the cards for me right now. I'm 50, with 3 kids from 11-17.  I'm so off the radar for almost all men in my age bracket. They either want much younger women or they want a free as a bird woman to take off at a moments notice.

I'm easy going, funny, decent looking and don't look my age, but that does not seem to matter. I'm not looking to snag a new husband or father for my kids anytime soon. It would be nice just to get out, meet some new people, and maybe it could lead to a nice relationship. I didn't  think it would be so hard.

I did casual only once in my life for one year between relationships in my early twenties. I didn't enjoy it then and don't know if I would enjoy it now. Sometimes I think it would be simpler to just look for casual now. Maybe that's why I actually decided to meet up with this out of town guy. To see if I could actually do it or not. I knew he was not interested in a relationship up front. Even that didn't seem to work out for me!

Honestly, not sure about any of this anymore.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: sunshinedaydreamz on August 31, 2015, 03:31:55 PM
.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Sugarbell on August 31, 2015, 04:10:22 PM
I am a relationship person as well, aways was. It just doesn't seem to be in the cards for me right now. I'm 50, with 3 kids from 11-17.  I'm so off the radar for almost all men in my age bracket. They either want much younger women or they want a free as a bird woman to take off at a moments notice.

I'm easy going, funny, decent looking and don't look my age, but that does not seem to matter. I'm not looking to snag a new husband or father for my kids anytime soon. It would be nice just to get out, meet some new people, and maybe it could lead to a nice relationship. I didn't  think it would be so hard.

I did casual only once in my life for one year between relationships in my early twenties. I didn't enjoy it then and don't know if I would enjoy it now. Sometimes I think it would be simpler to just look for casual now. Maybe that's why I actually decided to meet up with this out of town guy. To see if I could actually do it or not. I knew he was not interested in a relationship up front. Even that didn't seem to work out for me!

Honestly, not sure about any of this anymore.

I totally get this....At 44 with 3 kids ages 8-12...It was a similar boat...Men 10 years younger than me had kids my kids age....and
Were looking for a step momma for kids....Men my age had grown children and were just more free as you say and in a different stage of life.

Oddly...I found a man 8 years my senior who had a college age daughter....And even though he's free to go...he actually gets that my life is very tied down. And he accepts it and likes it. Like you I was not looking nor am I now looking for a Dad for my kids. He's just a cool guy and we have fun together.

They are out there-but I agree it can be exhausting weeding through potential dates. It always just seemed like another job.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Bear1956 on August 31, 2015, 04:53:53 PM
Unfortunately, most guys/gals in their 50s have done the whole family thing and are looking forward to their kid free twilight years. At least that was my experience so I waited until my youngest was 18 to start dating.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: MrsDan on August 31, 2015, 07:38:13 PM
I dunno, I guess I see the whole  messaging a bit differently. I'm supposed to respond to every message that says something beyond hi or a bit of a cougar aren't you? (Yes, I got that.) Even when we're like a 40% match? That's a full time job! And not interested in opening doors I would just slam in someone's face. I figure when I send a message, maybe I'll get a response, maybe I won't. That's just how it goes. That like button though, that pisses me off. I got a like from someone I hadn't noticed before and sent him a message. If I don't get a response, well that's a little irksome. If you like someone, maybe then you should respond. But I guess I don't really expect strangers to respond if they're not at all interested.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on September 01, 2015, 12:21:48 AM
Thanks Sugarbell.....I know they are out there....I just wish we could find each other!

MrsDan,  I know what you are saying about opening a door to just slam it shut. For me, if they make a nice effort, I do respond. But I certainly see your point. And the like or wink stuff....yup, reply to those and then nothing back. They must send out to everyone, who knows!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: MrsDan on September 04, 2015, 06:33:06 PM
Okay ladies and gentlemen, top this. I messaged this guy, he messaged me back, it went back and forth for a while, and he asked if we could talk on the phone. OK, sure. It went okay for a while. He'd mentioned having a bird and I thought, haha that's kind of funny, made me think of Maddelena. So he's talking and talking, asking me questions but not giving me a chance to answer. Then he tells me his bird was eaten by a rat! He went on and on, then mentioned he'd had a few cocktails. Big groan. Anyway, we're talking, he's name dropping (PS, I'm not impressed that you met Bruce Campbell. Bruce Campbell is awesome, and very well known for being really great with his fans.) So come to find out he's been married three times. Okay, whatever. THEN he asks me how many times a week I masturbate. Oh no. Then when I wouldn't answer, the question, he asks if I'm sexually inhibited. No jag bag there's a difference between being inhibited and being discerning about who you share it with. Anyway, I got off the phone and he texted me a few times. I saved his number under the name, Gross in case he calls or texts again.

Who goes for this crap?! I've messaged back and forth with a few guys; there have been only two guys who actually seem genuinely nice. And one I'm starting to strongly suspect lives with his parents. But okay, at least he's sweet. Everyone else seems to be either a total perv, or they act like they're too good to continue a conversation that they decided at one point to engage in.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: lcoxwell on September 04, 2015, 07:05:16 PM
I saved his number under the name, Gross in case he calls or texts again.

I have to admit, this gave me a real laugh (though I am sorry online dating is not going well).
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on September 04, 2015, 08:18:36 PM
Yikes MrsDan!  A real winner you found there! Don't be selfish and keep him for yourself!! ;)

I had a guy message me....his profile mentioned "my woman" 3 times and he wanted to take me to a mall and walk around so he could see my angel face and he would bring me a rose!

I really get a kick out of the too perfect profiles though ...cute guy, widow, model photograph,  profile reads like a girl's dream...I know it can't be real but I message them for fun....he always appears recently on line but the messages are never read. Are these bait profiles the sites set up?
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: MrsDan on September 06, 2015, 01:17:52 PM
Well, it's not all bad. That guy I had lunch with and I have been texting. He's on a trip, so I think it's kind of nice that he's still in contact while he's on vacation. I had a few qualms, but my friend came in from back home and we talked about it and I feel better about it. I wasn't sure when he was back in town so I asked him if he wanted to have coffee ( I'm kid free until Tuesday). He said he's not back until Wednesday but, "I want a raincheck!" Shit. I better work harder at finding a babysitter.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on September 07, 2015, 05:31:01 PM
.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: nonesuch on September 07, 2015, 07:43:13 PM
THEN he asks me how many times a week I masturbate. Oh no. Then when I wouldn't answer, the question, he asks if I'm sexually inhibited. No jag bag there's a difference between being inhibited and being discerning about who you share it with. Anyway, I got off the phone and he texted me a few times. I saved his number under the name, Gross in case he calls or texts again.

 I think we have a winner. 



Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: MrsDan on September 10, 2015, 10:25:01 AM
Okay, although I generally dislike the brief criptic messages, I did appreciate this one: " You look like you're 25" ( I'm 39).
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: sunshinedaydreamz on September 10, 2015, 12:17:37 PM
That's the first line most guys learn online.
That after "hey cutie"
; )
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on September 10, 2015, 05:28:22 PM
That's the first line most guys learn online.
That after "hey cutie"
; )

Or ...
"Hi Beautiful"
"Hi Sexy"

My favourite...

"You look great for your age." Not sure how to take that one! 😁😁😁😁
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on September 11, 2015, 08:00:42 PM
After another "emotionally unavailable, non-communicative" man I met on OKC crossed my path this month, I found this article in my inbox this morning. Felt on point to this thread, perhaps helpful to others as well - thought I'd share (equally applicable to both genders; just switch the pronouns):

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/9-tips-for-anyone-who-dates-emotionally-unavailable-people/
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on September 19, 2015, 10:32:01 AM
Hi, friends.
I didn't think I would need to add another post to this "online dating vents" thread, but this morning's slew of unbelievable messages topped off a week of them, so I might just share a few here.

After about a month break from it all (which was needed, lovely, but as I am still not in the beautiful relationship that I'd like to be), I updated the words and photos and enabled my accounts a week or so ago. 

I am enjoying getting to know a couple of interesting gentlemen, perhaps meeting one in person tomorrow, but I am still so creeped out by how some men can be so crude in their initial contact with a woman they don't even know.  And once you see something, or read something - you can't un-see it or un-read it, right?  :-\  These are a just a handful of what my eyes have been assaulted with this week in initial, out of the blue, unsolicited messages:

"Your hair is gorgeous. I just want to run my hands through it, pull it, yank your head back and do you."

"I'm looking for the elusive 'squirter' - could she be you? ....and his profile photos were all of women's genitals doing just that.

"Your profile paints an intriguing picture of who you are  - I'd like to see behind the painting. Can you send me naked pics of you?"

"I loved your profile and see you are Jewish. Do you date non-Jewish men?  I click over to his profile and see he is married, looking for the hook-up and casual sex. I replied then blocked: "I do date non-Jewish men, however I don't date married men."

And the "last straw" that just happened this morning and sparked me to "vent" here:

"I was hoping to send you a far more detailed introductory message, but am short on time. Perhaps we can talk more about your profile soon. Sending you good wishes in the New Year - Shanah tova"  It is the High Holy Days currently between Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur - and his profile name is the phonetic spelling of a holy prayer service at this time of year called "Kol Nidre" and he used it as a play on his name - Ray. Wait - it isn't rude and disrespectful yet.... his profile image was of a crude doodle of a stick figure man "doing" a bent-over stick figure woman in front of him with a smile on her sketched face with the text bubble saying something like, "Oh, Cole...kneed...Ray" or something like that.

Mind you - I get that these sites also attract those looking for a hook-up, casual dalliances, fetish-seekers - the gamut. That is fine and I hope they find the match that aligns with whatever they are into.  But when you see that my profile communicates that I am an articulate, real woman who is looking for a long term relationship, I wish they would just be respectful, click to the next screen and not write to me, be respectful of all women and stay on their side of the screen. 

One really needs a strong protective bubble to filter and stay true on some of these online dating sites.  And believe me, I know it works both ways. Switch any number of pronouns, I'm sure there are similar stories of unwanted communication. I have heard from my male friends and from some nice men online in email conversations, that they are "assaulted" by words from aggressive and rude women, as well.

Okay, thanks for listening - maybe I'll go take a cleansing swim and rinse this all off of me (LOL), so I can stay hopeful for the good and real man who shows up and teaches me he is good, respectful, loving and "gets it."

Be well, friends - have a good weekend.

Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on September 19, 2015, 04:17:07 PM
LOL SFL!

Here are some of my latest....

Initial first messages in their entirety....

"Scale from 1-10 how submissive are you in the bedroom hun? Hope you're having a nice weekend,"

"How dominant are you?"

"U want to come over"

"i love your nose"

"Heard you need a massage"

After I didn't reply to a message after a few hours...

"Your kidding right?" his spelling, not mine.

Sigh......please read my profile before you send a message OK?

Good luck tomorrow if you meet up SFL!

I do have one very nice potential....got a second reply today...we shall see.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on September 19, 2015, 05:27:37 PM
Ohmygoodness, momtokam!
Yours are unreal, too.

Here are two more I forgot to mention earlier:

I just decided that it is time that we met each other. (When I inquire what in my profile drew him to that conclusion, he said...) I just came to that decision and decided not to overthink it. (oh, okay)

I know you; I've seen you in a porn movie, right? (what?? omg)

Thanks for the good wishes momtokam. To you as well.
 ;)
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on September 19, 2015, 05:51:51 PM
Ok... the porn movie one beats them all!!

Hahahahaha!!!!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Abitlost on September 19, 2015, 06:54:12 PM
OMG, MTK and SFL! Please tell me which sites you are on so I know which ones to avoid!!!!!

abl
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on September 19, 2015, 07:03:14 PM
OMG, MTK and SFL! Please tell me which sites you are on so I know which ones to avoid!!!!!

abl

None are exempt from this sadly....

I'm on 3, POF, OKC, and Match. All 3 get these! A little more on the first 2 free ones but it happens on Match too.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: RobFTC on September 19, 2015, 07:50:39 PM
Avoid them?  No way -
(http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/01/01dc6337573e5b0c902805f31b0b2195924465806fd7f84f005c71aaa6ab0a87.jpg)
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on September 19, 2015, 08:24:24 PM
OMG, MTK and SFL! Please tell me which sites you are on so I know which ones to avoid!!!!!

abl

Match and okc, abl.
Agreed, Rob....so true. Funny (and sadly not, right)
Your graphic says it all.   ::)
Perfect.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Abitlost on September 19, 2015, 08:50:16 PM
I don't think I am cut out for this.  :-\
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on September 20, 2015, 07:57:31 AM
I don't think I am cut out for this.  :-\

You know, the first messages I got like this were upsetting to me. Then I realized not to take them personally, they are what they are.

Now I see them as entertainment and a good laugh!
If I am in the right mood, I might even cook up a choice response to a few!

For the squirting one and porn one I could have lots of killer responses!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Portside on September 21, 2015, 07:26:12 PM

 ....and his profile photos were all of women's gentiles doing just that.


Sunshine, ok - what's in the quoted part above made me laugh out loud. While I imagine some 'gentile' women do what he is interested in, we shouldn't exclude Jewish women's genitalia from the population this bozo is talking about. I'll admit the origin of the word you wanted is also from the Latin 'gentilis' so it's not a major foul.  ;D

What would Freud say about the slip? Quite alot I imagine. :)

Still chuckling, Best wishes, Mike
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on September 22, 2015, 04:54:15 AM
Ohmygoodness, Mike. Lol funny is right. :-[
Blasted auto-correct!
You know I am an attentive proof-reader, but that typo sure did get by me. And in the context, additionally hysterical. No Freudian anything, but thanks so much for pointing it out ...duly edited...and glad to add a smile to your evening. ;)
Be well.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on September 22, 2015, 08:19:45 AM
I poked around a new site that is supposed to be popular in my area. I have no pics up, no bio written, only my stats are up.

Received this message....

"You have a cutie smile, looking so gorgeous, 
alluring, charming still doesn't express how 
adorable You look. Good afternoon pretty"

Cut and paste much?????
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on September 28, 2015, 08:30:56 AM

Cut and paste much?????

So true, momtokam!
Goodness ... I have had a few messages lately also "cut and pasted."

I deleted the data/photos from my match profile last night and pared down photos on OKC. My tolerance for it all waned yet again. I think I only have about a 2-3 weeks energy capacity to field and navigate it all.  Time to breathe and stay open to meeting someone special in an off-line way.  8)

Let's add a little levity here (have to, right?)  ;) and finish this sentence:

"You know you have been online dating too long when....."

I'll start.

You know you have been online dating too long when ....
....four different people who I had communicated with previously, wrote to me expressing their interest in me with exactly the same intro messages and completely did not remember me and our prior interactions, some of which included in-person dates (a pizza place, a baseball game and one who I had given my number to and then he never called.)

That is when you know you have been online dating TOO LONG!!!  ::)

How about you guys and gals?
Any "have been online too long" indicators?


Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on September 28, 2015, 07:37:02 PM
Got to love those cut and pastes!

The best ones are identical in not only words,  but spacing and punctuation as well! Some are days, weeks or months later....

I know I have been on line dating too long when....

....I get the identitcal message from the same guy, who I do reply to, and then hear crickets back,  twice, about a year apart...why would I think a year later he would reply?

....I see the same men, with the same pics, 2 years later....

Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: nonesuch on September 29, 2015, 06:30:04 PM
I poked around a new site that is supposed to be popular in my area. I have no pics up, no bio written, only my stats are up.

Received this message....

"You have a cutie smile, looking so gorgeous,
alluring, charming still doesn't express how
adorable You look. Good afternoon pretty"

Cut and paste much?????

I got a reply to a Craig's List ad...The reply-er had sent the same message to three other women besides me, and had forgotten to use the blind carbon copy option.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on October 03, 2015, 02:47:53 PM
Hahahaha Nonesuch!

Today's prospect......

35 year old music composer for Hollywood films, making $1,000,000 a year, messages me...."What's cookin' good lookin'!" 😀😀😀😀😀
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: RobFTC on October 08, 2015, 02:23:05 PM
Time for a vent from me ...

So I met someone I liked in July, and we got several dates in.  She's a musician and teacher with an easy smile and a great laugh, and we always seemed to talk well when we got together, but stuff like kisses really have been a fail.  Our interest in each other seemed to get smaller as time went on.  She's somewhat timid, which is not great for me, and has the idea that she could never imagine asking someone out, so tangible signs were not thick on the ground.  She did ask me to a free world music concert/demo that was cool, but that was a little last-minute, and was after mentioning that she was doing it on a prior date.  Last Friday at lunch, she mentioned that the concert I knew she's been rehearsing for was happening the next night, and didn't so much as hint that I might be welcome to show up and hear her performance.  I have interpreted this as a finally fatal lack of interest.  Fortunately, I wasn't too attached.

So, onward.  Two more opportunities came up.  The first was a divorced woman that contacted me and seemed nice, and was initially up for meeting for coffee, but then thought we should talk on the phone first.  We did that last night, and I thought it worked out, and we had plans to meet in person.  Just now, she sent me a message stating that she felt sorry for lying, but that she was in fact still married and was struggling to accept that her marriage was over and file for divorce.  I am not sure how to respond to that, exactly.  Not the worst thing, but she admits that she'd love to reconcile, so I would have to trust HIS reluctance.

The other opportunity is with a woman who responds with tiny and sometimes incomplete sentences to me.  Her first response seemed interested, then her profile went down, and then she responded that she'd been out of town.  I will replay her messages in their entirety
since her return, with summaries of my messages in parentheses (can't give away all the Rob T magic!):

--
Just got back from 2 week vacation

(Cool, where?)

National parks in the west

(I liked Yosemite.  Coffee maybe?)

Sure

(How about place X / time Y?)

Can't have a meeting
--

I am trying to figure out if she's just a crazy-busy professional barely stuffing all her tasks into 24 hours or if this is a filter to get rid of guys who are easily discouraged.  I have not fully decided how much I want to find out.  I guess it's early into my three strikes count.

I am getting too old for this crap.  I think I have better skills at all this than I had a year and a half ago, but it's hard to really prove it.  My old friend the "It'll never happen" monster visits me regularly.  It's anniversary season here anyway, so I am not really sure I should be out there.  Hibernation plus gym visits may maintain my sanity better.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SimiRed on October 08, 2015, 07:45:20 PM
Hence why I will never go there.... I'm on the "what's meant to be will be" train.  I'm thinking it'll take me longer than most, since I won't trust the intentions of anyone anytime soon.  The silence just gets louder and louder. 

I do laugh at the stories above though, it is quite hilarious that one can not remember who they have contacted. 

Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Guaruj on October 08, 2015, 07:51:37 PM
I am trying to figure out if she's just a crazy-busy professional barely stuffing all her tasks into 24 hours or if this is a filter to get rid of guys who are easily discouraged.

You are overly generous to describe her as "professional". She writes like an idiot. In those four lines you copied from her, the only punctuation I saw was the apostrophe in "Can't".

I suppose one explanation was that she was using a smartphone to chat with you. In any case, one has to wonder how seriously she takes all of this.

|+|  M a r k  |+|
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on October 08, 2015, 08:47:48 PM
Rob, I'm sorry to hear the first lady is not working out.
If it takes too much work, this early on, to create a mutual desire for both, then it is not worth your time, or hers. I know you were hopeful. Kissing should just happen and should not be tricky. It should just be awesome!

As for the married lady, way too common on these sites. So many married men contact me. Some openly, some only admit after I prod a bit. The man I met last night told me he met someone, a doctor, who could only see him Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays. She eventually fessed up that she was married.

Your minimal messager....well I have one of those right now and we actually met for a coffee last week. In person he talked up a storm though. Now we are back to short texts.  Still wondering if he is interested or not.

Rob, tell that monster to take a hike!! It will happen. That Rob T magic will work! Explore other options that you may not have before. Someone that is interesting but maybe not your usual type.  You never know. I took this approach and am chatting with a few right now. I met another gentleman yesterday and I was pleasantly surprised. We shall see what happens next. He asked me on a "real" date and I accepted.

Mark, re the punctuation, you are so right. I read that last line as she can't have any meeting with Rob, not that she had a meeting! My minimal texter also does not use punctuation and as short as his messages are, there are times I have to double check what he is trying to actually say.

Tracey, I am glad that at least some of these stories make you laugh. I was just telling a friend from here that, in a way, this is part of why I post some if these crazy stories. We all need a good laugh once in a while!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on October 08, 2015, 09:58:29 PM
Glad you could come here to vent, Rob, but sorry you had reason to.
I like everyone's good words shared here with you.

I wish it wasn't such a minefield to navigate, but it is. And the energy required to stay hopeful and present with it all is challenging, for sure. And those anniversaries sure do trigger and bring raw stuff to the surface. We get it.

Maybe reminders to be gentle with yourself and take a breather for a little, the gym like you mentioned and, like momtokam suggested, doing some new things in town and considering giving some "a-typical for you" women a chance and see.

But what do I know - I'm still navigating in the dark minefield as well.
Wishing us all a fun weekend - you really never know what a day will bring, right?
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on October 12, 2015, 06:34:08 PM
RobFTC, wondering .. any other communication with the succinct texter?
Anyone new with potential?

For the optimistic/hopeful/sociological experiment that is the 5 days and counting down until my match subscription expires, I made my profile visible, updated the words and photos, and added the tag line "carpe diem."

Sure 'nuf, another two men reached out to me who completely forgot our prior interactions.

To the first, a retired world traveler, I replied:

"Hi, ***,
Thanks for your note and nice words. Similar to the one you wrote intrigued by my last profile, which led us to several nice texts and phone conversations, a shared meal at Carrabbas, an impromptu visit to Best Buy where you kissed me in the parking lot ...never to hear from you again.
I hope you are well."

He actually replied with - "Hey there! I knew you looked familiar. How are you doing?"

 :o Really?

Pollyanna over here...you never know what a new day will bring.
Let the 5 day countdown to offline begin....

Anyone else with online updates - hopefully good and happy ones?
Chat soon.

Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on October 12, 2015, 10:26:24 PM

Sure 'nuf, another two men reached out to me who completely forgot our prior interactions.

To the first, a retired world traveler, I replied:

"Hi, ***,
Thanks for your note and nice words. Similar to the one you wrote intrigued by my last profile, which led us to several nice texts and phone conversations, a shared meal at Carrabbas, an impromptu visit to Best Buy where you kissed me in the parking lot ...never to hear from you again.
I hope you are well."

He actually replied with - "Hey there! I knew you looked familiar. How are you doing?"

 :o Really?

Pollyanna over here...you never know what a new day will bring.
Let the 5 day countdown to offline begin....

Anyone else with online updates - hopefully good and happy ones?
Chat soon.

Hahahaha!!!!! Love your reply! Some of these guys just boggle my mind!
Good luck with your 5 day countdown!

My latest update...
Date 3 for me tomorrow, with my gentleman from last week, if I don't get a work call in the morning...☺ The "real" date is still scheduled for this Saturday night but we have not been able to wait till then!

I'm actually a little tiny bit sad I don't have any funny stories to share in this update. Maybe, just maybe, there won't be anymore for a while! 😉

Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: RobFTC on October 13, 2015, 10:25:56 AM
RobFTC, wondering .. any other communication with the succinct texter?
Anyone new with potential?

No, my third attempt at suggesting a time was ignored, so I am done.

I did hear back from Mrs. Still Married, who was impressed with the way I worded my refusal to date a married woman and would like to get to know me more as a friend in some fashion.  I have not sorted out my thoughts on that enough to quite know what to say.  I could see an attachment developing when it should not, and could also see the banality of life killing all interest the same way that texting too much turns you into a zoo specimen and exposes the unattractive tics you have because you're so damned single.

Other than Mrs. Married, I think I have no prospects right now (no frowny face here).  That might be a good way to leave it for winter, really.  I have some other things I really should fix in my life.

Edited to add: I can step back from match.com, as I have contacted enough women to keep the six-month guarantee alive this month.  As if I want to keep in going another six months, right?

Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: imissdow on October 13, 2015, 01:40:06 PM
For some reason ,boredom maybe, I went on line the other week.  Got  a message, one from a guy I had 2 dates with 2 years ago. On the second one he asked me for some details on my DH's death and I actually cried. I never heard from him after that although I have seen him several times. He attends my church.  Not sure why he contacted me if he wanted to talk he knows where to find me every Sunday. 

Got another message from a guy who has at least 2 profiles or maybe a evil twin. I got messages from both profiles a couple of days apart. So I did reply as he appears  to be someone I could at least do something with. I find it interesting that  I have yet to receive a  reply. Not that it really matters.

I went out on 3 dates back in the spring with a guy I really like. He owns a business and is super busy so we haven't gotten together since. I do talk to him semi regularly  and he does return calls. It's just a shame he's so busy because I really enjoyed him. Yet I also know that I would never be happy with a guy who's top priority is always his job. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on October 14, 2015, 06:34:41 PM
He attends my church.  Not sure why he contacted me if he wanted to talk he knows where to find me every Sunday. 

... a guy who has at least 2 profiles...

I went out on 3 dates back in the spring with a guy I really like. He owns a business and is super busy so we haven't gotten together since. I do talk to him semi regularly  and he does return calls. It's just a shame he's so busy because I really enjoyed him. Yet I also know that I would never be happy with a guy who's top priority is always his job.

imissdow, such a minefield at times, right?
Sorry you have these lackluster experiences.
You may or may not have been asking for insights, but this is what I hear when I read your post....

I sense the man from church preferred the perceived anonymity of the screens between you on the dating site rather than be a stand-up gentleman and maybe ask you to lunch after church one Sunday to talk and get to know each other. You don't want him anyway. Wish him well and happy Sunday when you see him next, head high.

The two profiles man....I've seen that online as well. It is so obvious when the main photo is exactly the same and only the screen name is different and they are side-by-side on my search results.    ???  If anyone really wanted two profiles for some reason (different ages, stats, etc), at least change the main image.  Perhaps it is as simple as they "forgot" the other one and made a new email address and profile to log in again?

And the nice man from this spring that you enjoy and keep in touch with - it sounds like perhaps there is potential to explore there, like a friendship has been developed to grow from?  Maybe we can hear from the awesome men here on the board, but my male friends tell me that when a guy is really into you at the same time that he is fully ready to be "all in" a relationship - he is never "too busy" or working too hard to make time for you.  He lets you know with his words and actions that he wants to spend time with you.  So, perhaps it is just timing or finding out with a nice conversation with him if he can shift you in his mind from friend to "potential?" 

I know it is all so new and challenging, but I wish you - and us all well.
(three days and counting on my match subscription....tick tock LOL  8) )
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: RobFTC on October 15, 2015, 11:27:44 AM
He attends my church.  Not sure why he contacted me if he wanted to talk he knows where to find me every Sunday. 

I sense the man from church preferred the perceived anonymity of the screens between you on the dating site rather than be a stand-up gentleman and maybe ask you to lunch after church one Sunday to talk and get to know each other. You don't want him anyway. Wish him well and happy Sunday when you see him next, head high.

That seems quite a harsh judgement.  I find it kind of a zoo at church on a Sunday morning, and trying to A) get time to talk to someone and B) to do it in so public a fashion does not work well for me.  Plus we have multiple services and attendance isn't always reliable, so I have never been able to reliably click with someone in particular.  For these reasons, I have in fact responded to ads on dating sites instead of trying to get it done in church.  Maybe they thought of me as you do of this guy, but I'd maintain I had sensible reasons.

Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on October 15, 2015, 04:41:25 PM
Oh goodness, Rob, no harsh judgment or any judgment at all intended or inferred to that gentleman, to you or to anyone. It was only one sense of an infinite number of things it could be. None of us, other than imissdow, knows that gentleman personally; none of us knows what his motivations or lack thereof entail, nor do we know the size of the congregation, number of services, or how easy or difficult it is to connect with congregants there socially. Is there an church directory, a direct way of saying hi by email, a casual hello at a random passing in the social hall before or after a Sunday service? May I get you a lemonade? Would you like to join me and sit here and have some dessert together? No need for us here to get into the details and I apologize if any cursory response on my part struck a personal nerve with you for any reason. I was being gentle with one member of our supportive online community; we are all simply trying to find our way.  I was just sharing one scenario of one possibility with imissdow after a social interaction she had with one person that triggered her tears. That's all.
Be well.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: singinmomo4 on October 17, 2015, 12:34:31 PM
My frustration (and why I never seem to stay online for very long) are the number of scammers or non "talkers" I get.  I can't stand when I get messages like the ones I got just this morning.  One guy with no picture and very little in his profile messages me to say "Hi".  Yes, that's it, just "Hi".  Then an hour later he sends me another message that says "Good Morning".  Then there is another one who says "Hello, how ru".  Really?  I don't need a novel or anything but something that would require more of a response than "I'm well thank you" or "Good Morning" back.  And it seems to be all I ever get.  I'd like to know the person has a pulse and isn't just a scammer sending feelers out to get a response. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Bear Shannon on October 18, 2015, 05:48:37 AM
My frustration (and why I never seem to stay online for very long) are the number of scammers or non "talkers" I get.  I can't stand when I get messages like the ones I got just this morning.  One guy with no picture and very little in his profile messages me to say "Hi".  Yes, that's it, just "Hi".  Then an hour later he sends me another message that says "Good Morning".  Then there is another one who says "Hello, how ru".  Really?  I don't need a novel or anything but something that would require more of a response than "I'm well thank you" or "Good Morning" back.  And it seems to be all I ever get.

I get that daily on FB from both gals and dudes, SMO4.  :)

 
Quote
  I'd like to know the person has a pulse and isn't just a scammer sending feelers out to get a response.

Yep .. any future love connection will happen in real life or not at all for Bear. Online just seems too weird from what I've read on the board.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on October 20, 2015, 06:41:46 PM
Hello fellow online daters,  hopeful daters, and funny story sharers and seekers!

I have good news and bad news....

First the bad news...4 dates and done.  Too bizarre to even try to explain in a public forum, so I won't go there.

Good news...I will probably will be able to share funny stories again! Not sure when though. Can't handle getting back on the sites quite yet. We shall see!

I do hope to be making you all laugh and smile again soon though!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: MrsDan on October 22, 2015, 06:55:53 PM
Here's one. People who message, there's some back and forth, but they do nothing to advance the conversation. I'll ask questions, or make a comment, but they don't ask any questions. And I would think, okay, they're just not interested, but they keep responding. And then it feels like I'm doing all the work. Only two guys were really good at it, one the guy I liked who disappeared and the other I'm still texting and like personally but just don't feel an attraction to.

One guy seems reason interesting on paper, and he messages me every couple days and asks how I'm doing but offers nothing by way of sharing interesting things about himself. And I've given him opportunities. It's completely boring. But I'm still talking to him because he keeps reaching out to me. How am I doing? Shit, that's how I'm doing! But I'm not going to share that with you because despite my attempts, we're not really getting to know each other are we? And I don't get the vibe that he's just some jerk stringing me along, I think he's probably very sweet but just not very good at this. But dude, give me something to work with!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on October 26, 2015, 05:20:29 PM
MrsDan,

Try seeing if he is up to a phone conversation maybe.
Some are not good at text/written communication but maybe over a real conversation may be more personable. Worth a try at least.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: MrsDan on October 26, 2015, 07:01:24 PM
Oh get this I did get him talking. We messaged for awhile, then he asked about my weekend, then didn't read it and hasn't logged back on. I answered his bland messages for two weeks, because I kept thinking, there has to be more to this guy, there was, and then poof! I should work for witness protection. I sure am good at making guys disappear.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on October 26, 2015, 09:43:09 PM
Oh boy!  It's not you MrsDan. Don't take it personally at all.
It's the on line dating "poof" phenomenon!

Not sure why someone can't just say something after numerous conversations with you. Instead they choose to just magically go "poof"!

Before my 4 date whirlwind disaster, I was chatting with a couple other gentlemen as well. One really wanted to meet and we had talked on the phone and had a very nice conversation. Then I met my whirlwind man.  I told this other man I wanted to give this a chance and I wasn't very good at dating mutiple men at once and I explained the whole poof thing to him and that I didn't want to do that to him without an explanation. He was so appreciative and nice about it. Hoped we would have another shot at a later time.

I know... I'm an odd duck in this crazy pond!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: TalksToAngels on October 26, 2015, 10:00:09 PM
The online is at times so inpersonable. If someone isn't interested it will seem to them "why bother responding. All etiquette goes out the window. If someone is interested usually it seemed, to me anyway, they would make it known. If not, it usually means time to move on.
Mrs. Dan I would not take it personal. Most people, if they haven't met, or even if they have, it seems with this age of tech, don't weigh their feelings or feel need for explanations. They just vanish.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: MrsDan on October 27, 2015, 08:29:49 PM
Well, he did respond, so I asked him for coffee. We'll see....
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: nonesuch on October 28, 2015, 06:43:03 AM
What may be needed is less social media, more social skills
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on October 28, 2015, 05:37:46 PM
What may be needed is less social media, more social skills

You would think that men in my age range (45-55) would have developed some social skills because we didn't grow up on social media. I can understand this maybe from the younger set, but I didn't expect this from my age range.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: MrsDan on October 28, 2015, 07:38:06 PM
I just got the dickiest message:"I know I messaged you a few times, your not interested just say so​". Fuck you dude, I don't owe you anything. Did you message? I don't remember, which means we were a pretty low match, or your message wasn't memorable. Also, the fact that I didn't respond IS me saying so. Then I got this gem:  "Going by your profile, I deserve you more than you can ever imagine..." oh, okay I'll just take your word for it. Now, I did get a nice message from a guy saying he wanted to reply to my thoughtful message, but he's pretty busy and doesn't have time for much meaningful correspondence. So I wrote back, telling him that was the nicest thanks but no thanks I've ever gotten. And it was. I probably wouldn't have bothered.

In other news, aforementioned guy and I are trying to get together for coffee. I actually suspect he is probably not wired for social media communication, but think he's worth the chance in the real world. I kept going back to his profile and thinking, I don't know I just think there's more to this guy than his messages indicate and once I got him talking, he was as interesting as I suspected. But I can't really fault him, it's such a weird place to communicate, and there are so many conflicting opinions on how to successfully navigate it. Wait this long, say this or that. All these "rules" about what you're supposed to do.
 
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Torn on October 29, 2015, 07:40:18 AM
  So a female "friend of family" suggested that I consider online 'dating' websites (wait for it).

 So I was considering doing so and had started a profile,when I got a message from a lady my age ,I said hello & we messaged back and forth for 15 minutes,when she asked me if I could receive photos & videos.
  She proceeded to send me a video of her as she put it 'pleasuring herself'.

 Holy smoke, I deleted my profile & haven't considered online dating anymore.
   Have I lost my mind or was that a CRAZY thing to do?
 
  Is it common that dating sites , have lunatics like I just mentioned? I'm really interested to know.
  Thanks to all of you men and women who posted their crazy and funny stories to this thread.
 I'm still laughing inside thinking of several WINNERS mentioned.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Virgo on October 29, 2015, 09:49:43 AM
Here's one. People who message, there's some back and forth, but they do nothing to advance the conversation. I'll ask questions, or make a comment, but they don't ask any questions. And I would think, okay, they're just not interested, but they keep responding. And then it feels like I'm doing all the work. Only two guys were really good at it, one the guy I liked who disappeared and the other I'm still texting and like personally but just don't feel an attraction to.

One guy seems reason interesting on paper, and he messages me every couple days and asks how I'm doing but offers nothing by way of sharing interesting things about himself. And I've given him opportunities. It's completely boring. But I'm still talking to him because he keeps reaching out to me. How am I doing? Shit, that's how I'm doing! But I'm not going to share that with you because despite my attempts, we're not really getting to know each other are we? And I don't get the vibe that he's just some jerk stringing me along, I think he's probably very sweet but just not very good at this. But dude, give me something to work with!

I haven't ventured into online dating, but this is how I feel about the guy I'm dating. We've been out three times.  He's really sweet,  admittedly shy, and a lot of fun. I just wish I didn't feel like I was initiating all contact  and conversation. 

Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: RobFTC on October 29, 2015, 10:50:28 AM
Torn, that pleasuring woman was probably the fictional creation of some guy in an overseas boiler room whose goal was to extract money from your wallet.  That happens, and has  nothing to do with online dating except for camping out on that particular communications mechanism.  You can get used to "smelling" them rapidly.  What dating site was that?  On match.com, they go 'poof' as their fraudulent credit card payments fail or as they are flagged and deleted.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: nonesuch on October 29, 2015, 07:19:08 PM
I had as many dates from Craig's List as I did conventional dating sites.

Actually without a profile to fill out, I think it was easier to tell the fakes from the legitimate.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Torn on October 29, 2015, 07:26:14 PM
Ya know that would make great sence Rob, the crazy thing is this person 'not a lady' I have seen around my area, she actually live 5 minutes from my home, I know this because she told me her street name & I realized that's why she looks familiar,I've seen her and her mom shopping.
    I'm telling ya man, NO WOMAN I've ever dated would've shared a video like that.
   I'm no saint or a prude,but I really think some people do crazier things than I had imagined.
    Before the porno clip she text me, and honestly I'm a very lonely person, I miss talking to a female my age & don't think I'd consider anything serious anyhow,it's just plainly put I'm 42 and have had a steady long-term relationship that was a love based relationship since I was 13.

 So I miss lil things like the way a lady paints her nails & considers new hair styles purely put the girlie part of a woman.
      Maybe one day but not on "Plenty of fish" dating website.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Meema on October 30, 2015, 10:39:41 PM
Every once in a while I scroll through my filtered messages on OKCupid. I found this one tonight: "Look, you owe me 99 cents because your profile melted my heart like a snickers bar in a pocket on a hot summer's day."

Is that ridiculous or just depressing? I can't decide.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: JeanGenie on October 31, 2015, 08:43:42 AM
Meema, Not quite sure...but it definitely made me laugh!!! So thanks for sharing! :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SimiRed on October 31, 2015, 09:14:19 AM
What in the world did people do before all these "dating sites" were available via technology?  I'm not venturing onto dating sites...there may be "real" honest people on there, but I'm not in the mood to be "fishing" through a lot of lunatics to find one.  I do enjoy reading some of your classic adventures though, some are just plain ridiculously funny!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Bear Shannon on October 31, 2015, 05:30:18 PM
What in the world did people do before all these "dating sites" were available via technology?  I'm not venturing onto dating sites...there may be "real" honest people on there, but I'm not in the mood to be "fishing" through a lot of lunatics to find one.  I do enjoy reading some of your classic adventures though, some are just plain ridiculously funny!

Dated local gals/guys, friend of friends, other church members, etc.  The internet is a blessing and a curse. Too many choices make people confused, imho.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: RobFTC on November 05, 2015, 08:17:31 AM
POF seems really nutty right now - all of a sudden, the Raging Grannies seem to be after me.  I got a number of messages last week from a woman in Denver who's ten years older and retired; I was polite and explained that the distance would not work for me, and best of luck.  She appears to have forgotten she contacted me, and tried again this week with the same initial approach.  Yesterday, I got a message from someone 18 years older, also a bit too far away.  And my last nine profile views have included women 14, 11, 11 and 23 years older.  This is not quite the demographic I would like to excite!  I try not to buy into the norm of older guy/younger women, but I'm 54 and am starting to feel weird looking at women 45 or younger, and these gaps aren't more comfortable.  Do I look that old? (Don't answer that!)

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on November 05, 2015, 01:03:32 PM
Rob, you young stud you!
POF was the same here for me this time. I completely deleted my account there because it was just much older in age or in looks contacting me. It was much different 2 years ago and I actually met my one relationship on there then.

I'm not really going on the other 2 sites right now, but recently on OKC it was only men far away in the US or UK contacting me. Scammers?  Maybe. Who knows, too far for me so it doesn't matter.

My friend is trying to convince me to try Tinder. She is insisting it's not a hook up site for my age group and has friends in relationships from Tinder.  I can only imagine the stories I  could share from that experience!

Right now I'm just laying low for a bit. My minimal texter from a few weeks back is still sending texts like "Hey". We did meet up last weekend for coffee a second time. But still getting minimal contact after that. He is very busy, but a nice guy and does lots of talking in person. I'm still trying to figure him out, but it's probably the speed I need right now after my last crazy whirlwind.

Tracey, there are nice ones on the sites, look at all of us on there.😊
You need to be in the right frame of mind to weed through it though. Not always an easy task.

Bear, yes, the too many choices confuse people and keep many from continuing conversations. Someone better comes along and they go "poof" on you. What happened to giving someone a chance first?

I'm in the "whatever" mood right now with all this stuff!

Keep sharing your stories everyone! We all need a good chuckle as often as possible!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: MrsDan on November 05, 2015, 11:34:53 PM
Well, I met with him. Not quite what I expected, but very, very sweet. Like really really sweet. Maybe I'm an idiot, but it seems genuine.  And while his demeanor isn't the type I'm normally attracted to, I find his profession totally hot . So we'll see. Quite frankly, I could use sweetness at this point in my life.

But this is a vent post, so I'll add that I got the nastiest post from is other guy about all the things he would do to me. Classy.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Mrskro on November 06, 2015, 09:02:56 AM
Hi how are you today sexy?  ( I have a pic of a sunset up)

I'm good....we've actually met

I'm Dave...what's your name?

Still the same .... but last time you were Ben..

What is wrong with people?
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on November 06, 2015, 12:43:03 PM
Hi how are you today sexy?  ( I have a pic of a sunset up)

I'm good....we've actually met

I'm Dave...what's your name?

Still the same .... but last time you were Ben..

What is wrong with people?

Hahahaha!!!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on November 06, 2015, 12:46:55 PM
Well, I met with him. Not quite what I expected, but very, very sweet. Like really really sweet. Maybe I'm an idiot, but it seems genuine.  And while his demeanor isn't the type I'm normally attracted to, I find his profession totally hot . So we'll see. Quite frankly, I could use sweetness at this point in my life.

But this is a vent post, so I'll add that I got the nastiest post from is other guy about all the things he would do to me. Classy.

Sweetness is very good!

Classy for sure! I guess they feel a computer screen allows for this kind of communication? Would they say those things if they met out in person somewhere?  I think not!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: MrsDan on November 06, 2015, 01:57:17 PM
No, they wouldn't do it in person, and the fact that they have to know that people aren't actually going to respond in the affirmative makes me think of it more of an emotional assault, a virtual slap in the face.

Just got one: "Would love to kiss those lips." Ugh, gross. Like that's it. No, hi, how are you? No attempt to disguise the fact that now I'm just whack off material to some guys out there.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on November 07, 2015, 06:56:06 AM
I often wonder MrsDan, why do they send these messages of they don't get responses. Then I thought maybe they do, which is even stranger to think about.

One time I actually responded with "Does this actually work for you?"
I think I really put him off balance and he said things like,  sometimes and depends. It was an interesting conversation for sure!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: nonesuch on November 07, 2015, 08:16:27 AM
I think I only had one or two men actually send me pictures of their genitals. Both were responding to a CL ad.

I must not have written very interesting profiles, or I don't photograph well.  I didn't get a lot of Hi sexy messages, maybe because I mentioned I was still an A cup.

In years past, maybe people belonged to bowling leagues?  Or visited aunties in the hospital, who had a friend who had a niece or nephew who was single?  It seems people stayed in contact with relatives more, and lived closer to them.

I was talking with a younger colleague who admitted to bailing out of socializing with friends to pull on her pjs and watch tv instead.

When my parents were my age, they still played bridge, socialized after the Friday night basket ball games.



Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on November 07, 2015, 11:44:51 AM
Sending wishes that only respectful, kind, genuine and good people cross your path in the online dating world today.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on November 07, 2015, 08:05:54 PM
I really don't know what the magic formula is to meet someone.
Online, in person, through osmosis, etc. My thought process these days is very open. I am hoping that the right person is out there and somehow we will find each other. It may not be now or soon, but hopefully at some point. Delusional...maybe!

In the meantime, I'm taking it one day at a time and keeping my "whatever" attitude in check! We shall see. Hopefully I can still have a few laughs through this process! 😊


Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: SunshineFL on November 07, 2015, 09:23:39 PM
I really don't know what the magic formula is to meet someone.
Online, in person, through osmosis, etc. My thought process these days is very open. I am hoping that the right person is out there and somehow we will find each other. It may not be now or soon, but hopefully at some point. Delusional...maybe!

In the meantime, I'm taking it one day at a time and keeping my "whatever" attitude in check! We shall see. Hopefully I can still have a few laughs through this process! 😊

Really sound perspective, momtokam.
Like. :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: TalksToAngels on November 07, 2015, 09:27:56 PM
If one seeks laughs, you can certainly find entertainment online. I think I will hold out for the real thing. Had enough laughs ; )
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: MrsDan on November 09, 2015, 07:06:28 PM
Received this message:
" Time to join the revolution beautiful,  black men are taking over, first we took sports, then music, now white women. its working too, now days surveys say white girls in highschool prefer black men, and almost all white women who cheat cheat with black men"

I don't know who I'm more offended for, black men, black women, white women or white women. Actually, I think I'm just offended for all of humanity. Also, I'm looooong out of high school. So I'm not sure how that statistic is relevant.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: MrsDan on November 12, 2015, 10:49:29 AM
Here's another one. You don't call someone cutie, or sweetie, or any other term of endearment in your first message. Completely unacceptable. The right to use terms of endearment with me have to be earned. Who the fuck do you think you are?
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: RobFTC on November 12, 2015, 11:19:55 AM
I have eleven days until match.com runs out, and I can't figure out how to accept the six-month guarantee if they offer it without risking a renewal that I don't want to pay for.  It's nuts how they obscure that.  I am ready to be done for awhile - I had a woman I liked click on the "I'm interested" button in the daily matches and then ignore my nice e-mail.  WTF?  If I'm just going to be ignored, I should just take myself off the market until I have something better to offer, or at least better marketing language.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: TalksToAngels on November 12, 2015, 11:48:01 AM
Make sure you delete all pics otherwise the sites will have you on forever.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: Guaruj on November 12, 2015, 03:16:03 PM
You don't call someone cutie, or sweetie, or any other term of endearment in your first message.
[...]
Who the fuck do you think you are?

I'm just trying to be a nice guy, cutie pie! ;)

...but I agree, it's cheap and sleazy to talk that way to someone you don't yet know.

|+|  M a r k  |+|
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on November 12, 2015, 07:46:15 PM
I have eleven days until match.com runs out, and I can't figure out how to accept the six-month guarantee if they offer it without risking a renewal that I don't want to pay for.  It's nuts how they obscure that.  I am ready to be done for awhile - I had a woman I liked click on the "I'm interested" button in the daily matches and then ignore my nice e-mail.  WTF?  If I'm just going to be ignored, I should just take myself off the market until I have something better to offer, or at least better marketing language.

Take care,
Rob T

I have not checked on this. I'm guessing the more confusing, the better for them. Can you email anyone there to find out? I went back on, to send 2 messages today, to fill my 3rd month guarantee commitment.  I was 2 days away from my month end. Of course, crickets so far and one message was very witty based on his profile!

If you have earned your free guarantee, make sure you get it, if you want to use it or not. Why should they not own up to it? Take a break from it if you want, but make sure you have that free extension, if you ever want to use it. You earned it!

And this other woman, well a non reply is just dumb if she showed interest. It's not a reflection on you, but her. Maybe she is just feeling out the site to see how it works, who knows.  Never feel it's a reflection on you, it isn't.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on November 12, 2015, 11:08:45 PM
The ultimate cut and paster....must read the entire dialogue 😁

Oct 6
Him-
I don't know what kind of chance I have but, I couldn't go by without stopping to tell you how gloriously divine and beautiful you are

Oct 6
Him-
It would be a pleasure, to get to know you. Not just the beauty of your physique, but the depth of your mind, complexity of your intellect, history of your personality, and exquisiteness of your smile.

Oct 6
Him-
My name is xxxx, and I really believe that conversation is the start of enjoying the full beauty and depth of someone else

Oct 6
Him-
Would you like to have an engaged, honest and hopefully fun conversation, sometime?

Oct 6
Me-
Sorry, but I am looking for someone closer to my age.

Oct 6
Him-
Cool, thanks for the reply.
I don't think my previous messages implied but I was looking something more along the side of fun and not serious to be sincere.
I hope I didn't offend you in anyway.

Oct 6
Me-
Not at all offended. I get it a lot on here. I got your implied message.

Oct 6
Him-
Lol. Ok. Well, thanks for the reply.
You really are gracefully gorgeous and wonderfully elegant. Wish I had a shot to know the rest of you too.

Oct 6
Him-
Have a good one.. Keep smiling it's a truly wonderful and expressive smile you have.

Today ? 9:08am
Him-
I don't know what kind of chance I have but, I couldn't go by without stopping to tell you how gloriously divine and beautiful you are

Today ? 9:08am
Him-
I've only ever been with older women, and they were about your age or older. I only say this to be honest and clear, showing some of my traits. And to give you the reason why I'm contacting you.

Today ? 9:08am
Him-
It would be a pleasure, to get to know you. Not just the beauty of your physique, but the depth of your mind, complexity of your intellect, history of your personality, and exquisiteness of your smile

Today ? 9:10am
Him-
My name is xxxx, and I really believe that conversation is the start of enjoying the full beauty and depth of someone else

Today ? 9:10am
Him-
Would you like to have an engaged, honest and hopefully fun conversation, sometime?


Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on November 13, 2015, 07:13:28 AM
Here is a laugh for this morning...

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1105868

I actually found this in my local matches yestersay on OKC but for a 48 year old! And here I thought he was being so original!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: RobFTC on November 13, 2015, 09:05:19 AM
All that cut-and-paste - wow.  I think he didn't compliment you enough G, what do you think? :-)

I heard back from the one who showed interest, and she may be up for a date (still have to work that out).

Yes, I will message match.  I would like to land my six extra months and then hide my profile and take the first two off :-)

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on November 13, 2015, 03:04:01 PM
Yes Rob! For just a few more compliments, I may have caved! 😁

Good luck on your potential date! So glad she responded. Hopefully it might turn into a good prospect.

Perfect plan! Get your freebie and then take the break. It will give you some time to see how you may want to come back and retry. Breaks are always good from these sites. My little break is/was good. It made me see how sad it all was. Still not giving up yet though . Poking in and out a bit at a time for now. Not going crazy with too much on line time.

Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: MrsDan on November 14, 2015, 09:08:39 PM
Been messaging with this one guy, then he kind of stopped. So tonight I figured what the hell, and sent a message. So he writes back, oh sorry, I didn't realize you had written. Dude I can see when you've read my message. And that you visited my profile yesterday. At least just say you've been busy. Or nothing I mean whatever, you don't owe me an explanation.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on November 17, 2015, 09:59:01 AM
Ok, here is one from a few days ago.

I think we have all seen profile pics with the bathroom selfies...ewwww

Didn't think it could get more icky?

I saw a public washroom selfie with someone in the background!
Oh my!!!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: RobFTC on November 17, 2015, 05:05:28 PM
I saw a public washroom selfie with someone in the background!
Oh my!!!

Homeless people need love, too! :-)

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: twistedmensa on November 17, 2015, 05:53:01 PM
Homeless people need love, too! :-)


Thanks....I spit coffee all over my laptop!  ;D


I finally broke down and registered on a site. Maybe it doesn't have a lot of volume, there doesn't seem to be a lot of activity. But I can say that if the most creative message you can send me is, "Hi," I don't think you are the one for me. Intelligence and creativity are aphrodisiacs for me, I may have to figure out an alternative method for meeting people.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on November 17, 2015, 08:32:02 PM
I saw a public washroom selfie with someone in the background!
Oh my!!!

Homeless people need love, too! :-)

Take care,
Rob T

😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on November 17, 2015, 08:39:03 PM
Intelligence and creativity are aphrodisiacs for me

Yes! Knowing the art of flirting helps too!

The "Hi" only messages are on all sites. Be patient, some actually do write more than that. You may not want to see what they write, but they do! 😁
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: MrsDan on November 30, 2015, 07:54:48 PM
I'm so sick of guys who come on really strong, then have second thoughts and disappear. This isn't an interview for a job you might decide you don't want. People's feelings are involved. Calm the fuck down, make sure it's a road you really want to go down before falling over yourself acting like you are.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: TalksToAngels on December 01, 2015, 02:07:19 AM
It's like The Hunger Games. If you have the bow and arrow, you'll win.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on December 01, 2015, 03:24:52 PM
I am getting very good at the following skill....
Getting men to hide their profiles...all I have to do is message them! 😁
I didn't think I was THAT scary! 😨

Oh, and here is a sad new question I get asked....
"Are you single?" Why would I be be on a dating site if I wasn't?
I know, I know, most on these sites are not single. 😯
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: RobFTC on December 01, 2015, 10:44:43 PM
MTK, I have that skill too - and I don't (usually) even put "BOO!" in my messages :-)

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: twistedmensa on December 02, 2015, 12:22:05 AM
I think I'm going to remove my profile from the site I was on. The only hits I've gotten thus far are either under 30 or over 65...I'm not a stickler for age, but under 30??? No thanks, I already have two kids...lol.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: TalksToAngels on December 02, 2015, 08:36:39 AM
You mean your not interested in the "cougar" thing ? Oh my all the people I meet on these sights love the idea of this. And threeesomes, open relationships, spending someone else's money, then moving on to someone else.
One person told me (as they were on another date the same day), cmon get with it this is the way things are done today. I guess I'm boring. Thought I was a cool person. Guess not.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on December 07, 2015, 05:43:56 PM
I am getting very good at the following skill....
Getting men to hide their profiles...all I have to do is message them! 😁
I didn't think I was THAT scary! 😨

Well! What do you know? I did it again! One more unread message and profile hidden! I really am perfecting this skill!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: TheOtherHalf on December 07, 2015, 06:24:35 PM
Well I've got to hand it to you for knowing what you want and being so determined to find it. I really do. In that spirit, and to give you further encouragement, it only takes one man to strike the fire and be there to fan the flames of love for years to come. Who knows where you'll find him, but you won't find him if you don't put yourself out there. And these jerks are doing you a favor by showing their true colors from the git. Between that, and your intuition, you may need to throw a lot of profiles into the round file before meeting your love match.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on December 12, 2015, 11:30:13 AM
Not sure I am that determined. I try and that is all I can do. I know it only takes one.  Who knows how we will find each other eventually.

In the meantime....more interesting stories to share.

I had someone contact me. Their picture had a copyright from a blog of a 27 year old motorcycler in the US. This man's profile shows 51, and in my city In Canada. He says he is clean shaven now with shorter hair and wants to send me new pics (that's because that is not him in the picture of course). I play along and ask about the picture to see how far he will go.

After a couple messages I call him on it and of course no more contact. I contacted the blogger but have not heard back yet.

He wasn't even smart enough to crop out the copyright before posting!
Even dumber is he still has the picture on his profile.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: TheOtherHalf on December 12, 2015, 12:19:48 PM
I get this more deeply than you know. Coupledom has never really been  my thing. When I was young, I needed a man around at all times. I could not bear being alone. With all my men (ha ha, I make it sound like there were a lot, but there was always someone, and usually each boyfriend lasted between 4-6 years until I married, ostensibly so I'd never have to be alone again) what made it worth it for me was all the laughter, sex, food, and long walks. Lots of long walks. And lots of sex. And food. And music. This alone made life worth living to me, and I never wanted anything else really, outside these things - except to settle down and have a family when the right time availed itself.

But relationships never worked out for me. There was always some irreconcilable struggle, and I switched from wanting to be a part of a couple to wanting friendship above everything else. The kinds of friendship I remember as a child and young adult when I had good friends. Lots of give and take and laughs - but the best part is that friends, by and large, don't leave you and don't break your heart.

So my aim for friendship has been so consistently thwarted over the last 15 years, I have finally given up on that as well.

I  meet lots of would be friends, who would bend my ear endlessly about their lives, and very few would even pretend to take an interest in mine. Or, when I came to talk about my life, they would literally laugh at my problems. And that was after bending my ear, sometimes for hours about their problems, their interests, their lives. They didn't even appreciate all the listening I did, all the thoughtful feed back, all the carefully couched, circumspect advice. They didn't care about my care at all.

So I'd meet each potential new friend like you would meet each potential new mate. With high hopes getting dashed at every turn.

I no longer believe in friendship and no longer look for it. If I want that in my life again, I am going to have find it through the dating game. But relationships for me, end up being a thousand times lonelier than being alone, especially if you're peaceful and happy in your own skin, which I mostly am by now.

My words were meant to give you support and encouragement, but it seems I missed the mark.

The reason why I'm offering this now, is that I attract the same kinds of blindly self serving two faced jerks as potential friends over and over again. So I have pulled out of the friendship quest altogether until I find out what it is about me that makes people think they can take whatever they want, then walk all over me as if I am garbage.

That's how these guys are treating you. If I were in your position, ,that's how I would feel too. It's not that you and I are garbage, but I think it behooves us both to find out either why we are drawn to people who treat us like that, or figure out why we may actually feel like that on the inside, unconsciously.

The unconscious is so powerful it will draw people who are a reflection of us in some capacity. So if they treat us like nothing, I think we need to find out what it is that makes us feel like we are nothing on the inside.

Not sure if this is going to make any more sense to you or not. I do feel badly to see so much hurt and disappointment come to you and I do hope that turns around for you.


Edited to add: My favorite, when it came to "friends"  is how some of them would wax poetic about how wonderful they are. What great mothers they are. What a fantastic work ethic they have. How the shine in all they do, and are a beacon to all who's eyes light upon them. And how they are loved and surrounded by love - how they have lots of friends who adore them, how they are at the top of their game in their respective careers, etc. Then, after they've reached some kind of cerebral orgasm with all that, turn their attention to pointing out everything that's wrong with me. Like "You really like mythology, don't you. That's a bit weird..."  and the unasked for critique would begin to gain momentum until some kind of explosive, cerebral multi-orgasm is achieved. And then people wonder why I want to be a prostitute. It's because I want to be paid for a change for all the pleasure I give.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on December 13, 2015, 12:39:53 AM
TheOtherHalf, thank you for offering support and encouragement.
You didn't miss the mark at all.

Most of these stories are from on line encounters before I've met them and mostly have no intention of meeting those particular prospects. They have not hurt me in any way, just given me some insight on what is out there and some entertainment value.

When I first started on line dating, I had no clue what I was doing. I had not dated in 26 years.  I started this thread to both share my experiences as possible help and support for others like me and to offer some much needed laughter at times that we all need.

When I see others post on this thread with similar stories, it helps me to not think I am nuts, and that I am not alone in my experiences.  I hope I can make others feel the same. I wish I was given some of this insight early on.

Hurt and disappointment  are part of this on line dating stuff but I get it and I am strangely accepting of it in a weird way. Thank you for the good wishes. I know one day good things will come. In the meantime I will keep enlightening and entertaining you folks with the not so good!

Sorry for rambling so late....I just can't seem to fall asleep tonight.

Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: TheOtherHalf on December 13, 2015, 12:53:15 AM
Oh I'm glad. I get very self conscious about my posts. I got to do a lot of venting myself and feel much better for it, so thanks for allowing me the room. I've been dying to get all that off my chest forever.

Of course you should keep venting. I shall try to refrain from rescuing you from this worthy enterprise.

I'll just offer my own vents, about a boyfriend situation that, you guessed it, no one on this earth can relate to. But, I don't have to date him, do I? That's what your thread did for me. Thank you for starting it.

I'm up too, as you can see. Take care.
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on December 13, 2015, 07:13:19 AM
Vent away and I'm so glad this thread helped you!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: momtokam on January 09, 2016, 10:45:47 AM
Time for an update 😊.....

...So you all thought "Hi" was as lame a message as you could get???
I received a "H r u"....couldn't even type out the words!

...Received "STD free?"..... as an entire first message....

...Decided to message a few more after a little break...Progress!...no replies but....they didn't hide their profiles! 😀

...New feature on OKC...you can link up your profile to your partners if you use any other status but single....All I can think is 😨

I need a palm hits forehead emoji.....

...Forgot one...."Such a babe"....he was 37!
Title: Re: On line dating vents......
Post by: RobFTC on January 09, 2016, 05:58:44 PM
I saw that on OKCupid.  I guess it goes with some of the couples I have seen on there looking to add a third, which also sorta fits the astonishing number of people listing as bisexual on there.  All very interesting.  Makes me feel way more vanilla than I actually am! :-)

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on January 09, 2016, 11:03:24 PM
Yes Rob, I think it may be for the 3somes...
Not sure if men are approached for this but I know I have been. I never would have thought it was a big enough deal to have a new feature geared for it. Oh boy, I guess I am too vanilla as well.

To all those that read this thread....

I thought I would change the title of this thread a little. I wanted it to better represent how this thread has evolved to include some of the laughs as well as the vents. ☺
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on January 10, 2016, 10:35:23 AM
Yup, ya gots ta laugh!  8)

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on January 10, 2016, 01:17:52 PM
Yup, ya gots ta laugh!  8)

Take care,
Rob T

Sure do!
Guess what?
I did it again! A man I messaged hid his profile!!! 😁
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Torn on January 10, 2016, 01:27:18 PM
Ya know...hmmm hmmm
  What tha heck are people thinking?
Well never mind,I really don't care what they're thinking.
  I'm so vanilla,I'm like French vanilla smirl with basic vanilla.

Its odd to me that promiscuity has become a quality to some degree..
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: fairlanegirl on January 10, 2016, 03:50:43 PM
  I'm so vanilla,I'm like French vanilla smirl with basic vanilla.
Thanks Torn that made me grin - I am happy enough to be vanilla (each to their own of course!), but prefer to think of it as French vanilla made with real vanilla pods, free range egg yolks and organic cream perhaps. Maybe in an affogato :-)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Meema on January 11, 2016, 09:41:18 PM
I've been chatting off and on tonight with someone on okcupid, silly light-hearted stuff, until he just asked me if I'd ever been slapped around by a man before. Nope. No thanks. BLOCKED
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: daysofelijah on January 12, 2016, 05:45:34 PM
Oh my there's some good "bad" stories in this thread. Thanks for sharing. I met my late dh online, and my current guy as well. So things weren't all bad. I don't have horror stories. I don't get what the guys are thinking though, when their first contact is to ask what size my breasts are. I want to say seriously? does that like work for you creeper? But I just blocked and moved on, lol.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Lisa on January 13, 2016, 09:52:44 AM
Just saw and loved this http://www.theonion.com/article/woman-feels-shes-finally-ready-start-receiving-uns-52143
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Guaruj on January 13, 2016, 05:43:52 PM
Just saw and loved this http://www.theonion.com/article/woman-feels-shes-finally-ready-start-receiving-uns-52143

I read this and it's hilarious! Then I started reading the other stories on that site and....

Beware! There's a sick joke of piece with the title How to Talk to Your Child About Death, which is only funny to those who have not yet experienced a tragic loss. Skip that one if you can.

Sorry for the off-topic digression.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on January 27, 2016, 08:22:28 PM
Well.  Closing out the weekend, I thought I had three dates - a first date today with a woman I have been messaging with for awhile, a fifth date Friday with a woman I've got on well with before, and a first date with a widow who I expected to be "just friends" with.  The first one cancelled on Monday, saying her Mom was sick and she had some bad job news and would not be good company.  I might hear from her later on.  The second one had already had to decline a date offer last week, and Friday was the rescheduled time, but she cancelled earlier today due to just being too busy.  The third one I did meet, and I liked her but don't see a connection.  Oh well, January started with great promise in other areas, so to heck with it.  I kinda wish chat were still a thing we did here.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on January 27, 2016, 08:44:50 PM
I'm sorry Rob....

It has been an interesting month...

Met one gentleman, very nice but not more than friends.
Chatted with another, widower, new in town, when I suggested we meet, he went poof! Scammer for sure.
Chatting with a new gentleman I am enjoying very much. Plan to meet after I get back from my trip. Some spidey senses that there might be something fishy. We shall see.
Had date 5 with my minimal texter. Movie only, no attempt to touch me until the good night kiss...still don't know if am I am a buddy with kissing benefits! He is really nice and texts me every day. He did ask tonight if I packed a bikini for my trip!

Rob, you can chat with us ladies in Florida if you want!!! 😊
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on February 10, 2016, 02:08:25 PM
Time for a little update!

Gentleman (using the term loosely) I was enjoying chatting with seems to have gone poof! I don't think I was providing the pics or dialogue he was desiring. Suspicions he may have been a loan shark too!

My widower (who went poof), new to my city, said he was a pipeline engineer, he was from match.

Oh, guess what, I have a new match on tinder.....a widower, new to my city, who is a pipeline engineer....😨 You just can't make this stuff up! I am not holding anything back with this one!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on February 10, 2016, 04:43:26 PM
Hey G, I'm an engineer who's seen a pipeline, would you date me?  ;D   Talk about trends!

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on February 10, 2016, 04:55:46 PM
Hey G, I'm an engineer who's seen a pipeline, would you date me?  ;D   Talk about trends!

Take care,
Rob T

😁😁😁😁😁

If only you were not so far away!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on February 10, 2016, 05:45:07 PM
So after being turned off by match and pof .. My friend convinced me to try tinder. I do like a lot about it. Of course normal, guys email then poof...one guy though , darn I wished I screenshot it to show you guys. He basically needed to know my freak factor and what I'm willing to do behind closed doors. Told him shame he didn't try to meet me or get to know me first , that I've been known to bring men to their knees. His response , no women will ever do that to me , then wait...  so what do you do ? Lmao ... Block , next . 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on February 10, 2016, 09:07:43 PM
I can't remember the last time I knew of anyone swiping right on me on Tinder.  I need to get my butt off that site!

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on February 11, 2016, 06:35:38 PM
I can't remember the last time I knew of anyone swiping right on me on Tinder.  I need to get my butt off that site!

Take care,
Rob T

http://m.kiss925.com/2016/02/10/how-men-can-up-their-tinder-game/

Apparently you need to wear red, scowl, and hold a dog. (In your case one of your kitties) 😁
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on February 11, 2016, 11:42:22 PM
Love how everything is "studies say". Who the heck are they interviewing anyway.
My analysis of over 45 dating sites is that almost everybody you will meet are fed up w the sites, have been in multiple relationships, and will gladly tell you ALL about them, including sexual details which will make you wish you stayed home and watched Netflix.
Really sad pool. Think I'll stay on the dry sand.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on February 12, 2016, 08:32:09 PM
Does pipeline engineer = overseas a lot, and frequently needs money wired to him to cover expenses?

Inquiring minds want to know.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Wheelerswife on February 12, 2016, 09:34:31 PM
Well, I guess I'm going to get my first opportunity to post on this thread.  I've opened myself up to the possibilities of meeting new people.  I've had a couple first dates, nice men, but definitely not the right men for me.  They were the kinds of situations where it didn't take long to know that there wasn't any chemistry at all, but they weren't uncomfortable, either.  Then there was the guy I met waiting in line at the deli counter at the grocery store.

I was wearing a fleece jacket with a logo from my university.  He struck up a conversation by asking me if I worked at the university.  I told him I was a student.  We continued our conversation for several minutes, discussing education...he has a bachelor's degree, a master's degree and an MBA.  He had received his first degree from my university, and he had moved back to the area recently.  He asked me if I would be interested in having dinner some time.  I said sure...and I gave him my phone number.  He texted me the next day and asked me out to dinner.  We made plans.  We met at a local restaurant.  I asked him a few questions about his past, where he had lived, why he had returned to the area.  He skirted some questions and said he didn't want to talk about our pasts, just move forward.  I wasn't having it.  My spidey senses were at full attention.  I told him that our pasts were a part of us, and I needed to understand where he came from and that I was not going to pretend anyone's past didn't exist.  He realized that I meant what I said.  Things would go nowhere if he didn't level with me.  So...he started leveling with me...somewhat.  I could tell he was hiding things.  I kept a really calm and accepting exterior, all-the-while becoming more concerned.  Eventually, some truth started coming out.  He has some level of a drinking problem, has at least one DUI back in Texas, he has been arrested for domestic violence and he and his ex-wife were charged with tax evasion - 7 years that his ex-wife apparently didn't file their taxes.  I'm not sure how such a highly educated man doesn't know he hasn't signed his tax forms!  He used to live in high society and can name drop all over the place, but right now, he is living in a completely VA supported apartment, gets support from the Salvation Army, doesn't have a penny to his name....and he feels entitled to all of the support he is getting.  He managed to blame everyone but himself for his own predicament.  He tried to tell me just how brilliant he is - MENSA brilliant.  Perhaps he is smart, but he wasn't too perceptive about me.  And...he couldn't even pay for his own dinner.  I managed to be kind to him and treat him with dignity, but I let him know I wasn't attracted to him.  He persisted in texting me and I finally had to bluntly say that his communication needed to stop and I wasn't going to remain in contact.

UGH!  Dating in small town America!

Maybe I just need to give up on this idea.

Maureen
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Torn on February 13, 2016, 03:35:07 AM
Maureen,
  Congrats for trying to get out and meet new people BUT:

  that fellow drinks and has been charged for domestic violence...hmmm,well I doubt you missed anything substantial in him.
     
 Personally I tried to make a date with a local lady & through talking to her I had a realisation, I'm afraid I'm not ready.
  Once I heard the sports bar,going out and all well I just gave up, I'm not the bar type and enjoy more personal connections between men + women.
    Best to you all next time
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on February 13, 2016, 01:43:43 PM
Maureen, don't give up!
It's so good that you are getting yourself out there.

Many Mr Wrongs will cross our paths before the Mr Right will.

Take it one day at a time and remember to laugh at these experiences  because laughing is way better than crying! 😊


Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on February 13, 2016, 02:29:39 PM
Does pipeline engineer = overseas a lot, and frequently needs money wired to him to cover expenses?

Inquiring minds want to know.


Never got far enough to find out! 
Engineer #2 went POOF when I mentioned my coincidence chatting with another widower, new in town, pipeline engineer! 😁😁😁😁
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on February 13, 2016, 02:34:38 PM
Torn, you may feel more ready when the right situation presents itself to you. This just wasn't it. And that is OK.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SimiRed on February 13, 2016, 07:07:58 PM
Whew, Maureen...Glad you got that information out of him!!  And I can't believe he stuck you with the bill!

Good for you for getting out and meeting others!

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: kjs1989 on February 13, 2016, 08:18:19 PM
Maureen,

Wow. I had a couple of dates like that, too. Seemingly nice guys on the surface, but yeah, that feeling that there may be some history looming beneath the surface. I am a snoop. I actually went on my state's court site where you can plug a name in and up pops all kinds of interesting things. The domestic abuse thing ruled out even a first meeting. I don't care what his side of the story is. I don't want to sort it out. NEXT!!!

NG received the same snoop treatment from me. His divorce was listed along with a speeding ticket ten years ago. That was all. No lawsuits, no bankruptcies, no domestic abuse, no back child support, no DUIs.

DING DING DING!!!!!  We have a winner!!!!

Hang in there! There are nice guys to be had. You will find him!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on February 13, 2016, 08:29:39 PM
Wow...didn't know those types of search options were available via state court sites. Thanks for the date snooping tip! : )  There are so many crazies out there- and liars as I have found out!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Mrskro on February 16, 2016, 07:45:33 AM
I'm just not cut out for this online dating thing....

Guy ....Hey there, how are you doing today?

me .... Hello,  I'm pretty good.  How are you? 

Guy ...I'm ok, just trying to stay warm (it was -30 here that day.

me ....  lol  I know what you mean, I was in an arena for hockey earlier and it was warmer inside!   

Guy ...  Well come over here and I'll keep you warm.

Me ** head bang**
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on February 16, 2016, 09:39:13 AM
Another, new to my town, widower, gold merchant this time....

Do I have "Scammer Target" tattooed to my forehead in my profile pictures?

I'm so fed up, I'm done! It's just not meant to be!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: sojourner on February 16, 2016, 10:31:26 AM
"Does pipeline engineer = overseas a lot, and frequently needs money wired to him to cover expenses?

Inquiring minds want to know!"




Somehow, and maybe I'm too suspicious, when I read "pipeline engineer," what my mind reads is "drug runner!" :o
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: sphoc on February 16, 2016, 10:40:19 AM
Another, new to my town, widower, gold merchant this time....

Do I have "Scammer Target" tattooed to my forehead in my profile pictures?

I'm so fed up, I'm done! It's just not meant to be!

I think it's everyone - I get more scammers than anything else. I amuse myself by calling them out on their shenanigans.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on February 16, 2016, 01:09:39 PM
Another, new to my town, widower, gold merchant this time....

Do I have "Scammer Target" tattooed to my forehead in my profile pictures?

I'm so fed up, I'm done! It's just not meant to be!

I think it's everyone - I get more scammers than anything else. I amuse myself by calling them out on their shenanigans.


I call them out on it too......I also will waste some of their time on purpose if I'm bored!

It's just getting to be way more than I've had before.
I think it's time for a break.  I will have to rely on you all to share some laughs with me!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on February 18, 2016, 06:53:13 PM
I know nothing should surprise me anymore , but I guess I'm naive . So just in last two months... Three guys online ( different sites ) one was separated for a second , back with wife but profile still up . Another guy , wife is in rehab for drugs and yup he's online, last one , as far as I know still married, still showing united front with wife , but online. (Tinder) That one I want to call out .. Small town so I know these guys . I swear I'm naive .. Is this really how people are now ? Ps not to mention the people I know who are having affairs , just not online.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on February 18, 2016, 08:01:18 PM
One of my Facebook friends is a man I had a terrible crush on in high school.

Ya know that song "I thank God for unanswered prayers"?

Once we became Facebook friends, is profile said. "It's complicated"

A couple weeks later he was "married."

A couple weeks after this it was "single"

Soon it was "In a relationship" along with lovey-dovey posts to the new girl.You know, "I'm in love with the most wonderful girl.  ...I love you Shmoopie" etc.   I thought, "Dude, stop!  You're still married to someone,  Just. Shut. Up."
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Mrskro on February 19, 2016, 08:12:27 AM
First email from this guy....

"I know a lot of guys on here probably message you to try to get in your pants, I want to tell you that I'm not going to try to do that. I want to get you out of those pants ;)"

Uh what the hell? 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on February 20, 2016, 08:07:01 AM
I got a generic introductory email in response to a Craig's List ad.

The  responder had sent the same note to three other recipients, and had forgotten to use the BCC option, so I saw their addresses.

The guys at work wanted to fix me up with someone they knew. Same trade as I'm in, he's personable, reliable, a widower...

Then the fellow suddenly up and marries a man. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: tybec on February 20, 2016, 08:37:10 AM
You would think my stubborn head would learn to stop saying NEVER.  I am on line, just 2 weeks.  My widowed brother waited his obligatory yr. to get on line/date, and he has met a lovely lady, so far.  He is 16 yrs. older than me, no kids, and only married once at age 50 to have his bride succumb to cancer 10 yrs. in.  But I decided if my crazy brother could, I could.  I appreciate all the comments here.  I have two single friends giving me guidance, safety issues, etc.

Never say never... ;)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on February 29, 2016, 06:52:11 AM
Ok - on a whim and out of restlessness I resigned up to Match.com over the weekend just to dip my toes in the water after a bad break up a month ago. Although I have had a lot of obligatory "hi" or double "hi" emails, I observed something new- some men now have these long, canned reach out emails so it looks as though they are sending you a thoughtful personalized email but it's really a copy and paste (generic sentences describing your profile plus tidbits about their life and interests). I just got one very corny one and wish I could figure out how to copy and paste it here from the site via my iPad.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on February 29, 2016, 08:27:35 PM
CW...I've seen those copy and paste, pseudo personalized ones, too.
A few times, the same men sent me the same intro note as they had the last time I was on the site.
Have you figured out how to share it from your email to here? Could use a chuckle.
I hope this foray goes well and you meet someone you want to enjoy time with.

And typec, it has been a little while since you posted that nice reminder to never say never. What is your update? Make any interesting connections you are enjoying exploring?

Momtojandj, mrkskro, Sphoc, robftc, anyone else I can't see on my little screen here....meeting new potentials?

This thread needed a bump ...I'm ever hopeful for us all.  ;)

Looking forward to the updates.
Chat soon.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on March 01, 2016, 05:00:05 AM
Sunshinefl..... I just went back to try plenty of fish . I tried tinder .. Which was married guy after the next , or old profiles not to hopeful with online . However keep saying , it only takes one . And I'm hopeful for us all too !!!!!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on March 01, 2016, 06:14:07 AM
I'm still trying to get over the confusion I caused myself of particularly pof,
met 100% users and losers. Needed a counsellor to get me over the types of people I loathed.
Trying to seperate myself from a latest "friend" I've been seeing. Had enough grief with that site it's done forever. Wishing others better results : )
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on March 01, 2016, 10:40:54 AM
A few little tidbits from me...

So....My gift to myself last Monday was to hide all my online profiles...Best gift I have ever received!

Right before I hid my Tinder, I received a match, 19km away. When we started chatting, he told me he is was back in California, where he lives, after being in my city making a proposal to.....A pipeline company!!!! Forgot to add...He is also a widower!  Here we go again I thought, another scammer! The conversation was so boring though.....My scammer was too dull to keep my attention!!!

I tried to have a second date with someone. I liked him personally, we are both foodies and had a lot in common. I didn't really feel a huge attraction but I thought a second meeting would be nice, when he asked to meet me again. I gave him some dates to choose from and he left me to choose. The day before, he cancelled because he was too busy due to work.  He then asked again, a week later. I was busy in the evenings during his free time, explained all my reasons, but offered a lunch on Friday (was tomorrow) which he was free for. I told him I would need to book off work, but I would be ok with that. Response I received was "Ok, maybe tomorrow If I am not too tired. I will know in the morning." I replied I would not book off work then, until I heard from him. I did later get a work call, and let him know I was no longer free. I have not heard back. Crickets! Really? So, I should have booked off work, not get paid, in the hopes that he might not be tired, and we could maybe have lunch? Not happening!

I really would not believe this stuff...except that it actually is happening to me!!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on March 01, 2016, 06:28:25 PM
I would get better results throwing a bottle in the ocean. Seriously met every deranged person there was on pof.
I punched in Google pof sucks and found I was not alone.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Max2507 on March 01, 2016, 06:44:53 PM
No loss Momtokam, if he is potentially too tired for lunch he will be too tired for anything and everything else.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on March 01, 2016, 07:15:11 PM
No loss Momtokam, if he is potentially too tired for lunch he will be too tired for anything and everything else.

😂😂😂😂😂😂
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on March 01, 2016, 07:19:54 PM
I would get better results throwing a bottle in the ocean. Seriously met every deranged person there was on pof.
I punched in Google pof sucks and found I was not alone.

What is funny is my one and only post wid relationship was from POF, met about 2+ years ago. That site was about the same level as the others in my area. This time, quality went way down!  I got off there in a big hurry!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on March 01, 2016, 08:17:33 PM
What I don't get , is all the people that do find someone online.. What I find is married, guys message than stop, message and never ask out,  it really does hurt my self esteem .. I go off them, but then go back because I'm not meeting people in real life . Ugh ..
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on March 01, 2016, 09:05:58 PM
No loss Momtokam, if he is potentially too tired for lunch he will be too tired for anything and everything else.

So true.
I concur. ;)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on March 01, 2016, 09:16:30 PM
What I don't get , is all the people that do find someone online.. What I find is married, guys message than stop, message and never ask out,  it really does hurt my self esteem .. I go off them, but then go back because I'm not meeting people in real life . Ugh ..

(((Hugs momtojandj))))) ... I hear you.
Echoing your "ugh."
I've experienced those situations, as well.

But it hurts when I read that the horrible cycle of bad online experiences has started to hurt your self esteem, though, as you phrased it.

I don't have answers specifically because we are all so different, but knowing you aren't alone on the journey and have others to help remind you of your goodness as you find your way...I hope that helps. A step further... Feel free to PM me any time if you want to chat. I'd welcome that sharing and time with a new friend.
Chat soon.

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on March 01, 2016, 09:45:28 PM
Quote from: Momtojandj link=topic=1090.msg25585#msg25585 date=t debt
What I don't get , is all the people that do find someone online.. What I find  married, guys message than stop, message and never ask out,  it really does hurt my self esteem .. I go off them, but then go back because I'm not meeting people in real life . Ugh ..

Momtojandj please don't let this get under your skin. It's definitely not you. Yes, online works for some, but not for others. Some find it quickly,  some it takes longer. I  have had the same experiences as you. I think it's the same for most. The problem is, that the good ones, like us, are out there, but in much fewer numbers than all the creeps. I am sure your standards are high, like mine, and it will take longer to sift through all the losers to find our gem. Maybe on line, maybe some other way.

Please remember to not see it as a reflection of you in any way. 😊
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on March 02, 2016, 11:07:22 AM
Right now I don't think or believe someone dating multiple people or just wanting to chat endlessly would be for me, especially in my age range. These people act and carry on like teenagers on a field trip. I think someone would now have to find me at the park while dog walking. The people on the dating sites view it as well ill see what's out there, and if I meet someone better, well it's ok to break people's hearts anyway, it seems that's what it's all about. I almost feel it's a virtual "the bachelor". I can date 10 people, and if it's not ok, there's plenty of other options. Broken hearts are all around, who cares if i break another ?
And if I get mine broken I can just go back to an ex, or two.
That's the new dating game.
I think I should just be happy, living alone, and being me.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: MrsDan on March 02, 2016, 01:23:36 PM
What I don't get , is all the people that do find someone online.. What I find is married, guys message than stop, message and never ask out,  it really does hurt my self esteem .. I go off them, but then go back because I'm not meeting people in real life . Ugh ..

I met my boyfriend on OKCupid. At one point he said we could do a commercial for them. But he also found it jading I think. A lot depends on the region; where one site is great in one area, it might have nothing to offer in another part of the country. Which is a shame because there is a range in quality of the sites themselves. I joined Match a couple of times, but I found it completely useless. Way too general. I found OKCupid much more user friendly, but if no one promising is on there in your area you're kind of out of luck. I know I got really lucky. I wasn't even on it that long and I was already getting jaded. My approach was to message for a while before meeting. All my offline experiences except for one (a phone call with the guy with the dead bird who asked how many times I masturbated, see above) didn't end up being creepers. They were pretty nice guys that I just didn't have a connection with and/or attraction to. I did meet one guy after not messaging all that much, because some people here and a friend of mine prefer that approach so I thought I'd give it a try. He was nice enough, but just not the right guy. And that approach wasn't for me. It seems like I've read tons of posts saying there are nothing but creepers and scammers online. I get it, I do, and I got plenty of gross messages. But I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt my feelings a little bit. I mean, I was on there. My boyfriend was on there. A very good friend is on there. My coworker met her boyfriend on there. Besides, for some the other options are limited. I work in a female dominated profession, and the few guys I was interested in were unavailable. I don't go to bars, and I have no friends here. I'm too busy for hobbies.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on March 02, 2016, 01:54:37 PM
Edited
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on March 03, 2016, 07:24:17 AM
Ok - I can seriously live without the emails from men 15 years my senior (and outside my requested age range) who claim to be young in mind and body - and still plenty virile. Ugh.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Mrskro on March 03, 2016, 08:06:38 AM
Captains wife......I find those as funny as the men 15 years my junior who claim to be just attracted to older women; but don't have their shit together and just want someone to cook and clean and do their laundry for them.  Or worse still want kids (when I clearly state I do not)  UGH!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Portside on March 03, 2016, 09:39:08 AM
I don't know ladies - is it different for men than women regarding the large age differences?

I was 51 when I started dating again. I went out with women aged from 32 to 71 (I wasn't doing the asking out most times either). I never had a bad time but obviously not all dates were matches for me. I learned something from every woman I met.

I understand if you want to weed out the players and the scumbags as I had to weed out the gold diggers but could it be you may find "the One" who is outside your normal age range?

Good luck - Mike
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on March 03, 2016, 11:44:17 AM
Portside, for me - age makes a pretty big difference and this is partly as I have a very young child and trying to date. I have some flexibility but 15 years is too much for me - I have tried to date men up to 13 years older but it didn't work for me (in all cases).

On another dating vent, does anybody else hate the last minute date cancellation (from those guys who seemed so eager to meet you)? I am sympathetic to certain life issues that cause this (kids etc) but its annoying when it happens twice in a row with same person. My schedule is already tough enough to juggle around. NEXT!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Mrskro on March 03, 2016, 11:53:31 AM
Portside;

I don't have an issue with a large age gap either.   In my experience the young ones seem to just want a mommy figure to do the stuff they never figured out how to do; but honestly for me the ones I have dealt with either still live at home or with a roommate.  I've tried but with the younger ones it seems to me that my 16 year old is more mature and has it more together.  (although I will admit, she is the adultiest person in our house sometimes)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Wheelerswife on March 03, 2016, 01:00:29 PM
Having already outlived two husbands who were 6.5 and 5 years older than me, I would certainly entertain the idea of dating someone younger.  He must be potty trained and weaned from nursing from his mother. 

Maybe I should have a few other qualifications on my list?

Maureen :D
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: MrsDan on March 03, 2016, 02:32:09 PM
I'm 39, my boyfriend is 34.  I don't know if I could go much further beyond that range. I like being able to relate to a lot of similar things. We each have one young child; that can make a huge difference. And I'm sorry, I'm just not attracted to guys who are a great deal older. I thought maybe I could go as young as thirty. I did think, I don't want to turn someone away who might be a great match just because he was a year or two higher or lower than my desired range. So I set it to 25-45. I got accused of being a cougar. Nice. I bumped it up to 30.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Mac on March 03, 2016, 03:53:08 PM
DW and I were the same age. I've dated women who have ranged in age from 14 years younger to 6 years older than I am. Age doesn't matter much to me.

Early on, DD who has been so encouraging with my dating gave me the following request: "Dad, i would prefer that you would date someone who is closer to you in age than me."


Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: twistedmensa on March 03, 2016, 06:57:27 PM
My husband was 17 years my senior...the age gap between myself and my daughter's father (he died in 1999) was a few years more. My mother used to tell me I was 13 going on 30 and that I had an 'old soul.' It doesn't seem to work in the opposite direction, though. Younger men just seem...well...younger...lol.

When I had a profile at a dating site, I got quite few hits from twentysomethings. My profile specified an age range from 45 to 55. While I'm willing to extend those ages a few years in either direction, I'm not ready to extend it that much. I aleady have two children....lol.

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: MissingMyJon on March 04, 2016, 12:21:18 AM
Well, for me, my first husband was just a few years older than me.  My DH was 11 years younger than me.  It is funny in that my first husband in most ways was much more immature than my second husband.  And I met my DH when he was just 21, and I already had kids from my first marriage.  He loved my kids and was very involved with them.  My DH was just the perfect balance of youthful energy and optimism wrapped in an old soul.  My DH was perfect for me, and the age was only an issue for our families.  Jon and I used to joke when I would say, when we get older.  And he would smirk and in jest say, what do you mean, "we."  I thought that since women outlive men by about 5-10 years that would be perfect for us.  We would die together.  I did outlive him in the end, but that gap will now be ridiculous.  <sigh>  Anyway, I think age isn't a factor with the right person.  It depends what qualities you want in your future mate, and whether or not qualities affected by age (such as maturity, wanting (or not) wanting a family, youthful energy, outlook on life) work for or against what you are looking for.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on March 04, 2016, 01:33:14 AM
Looking for someone much younger than me, with an endless bank roll, and has a garage full of antique autos.
Who wants a non committal relationship, and will give me access to their bank card.
How'd I do ?
: /
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on March 04, 2016, 07:57:20 AM
Age is just a number, but...

One person who answered my ad graduated from law school the year I was born. I wasn't looking for occasional company on a platonic level, which he frankly told me he'd be.

Another one had numerous opportunities to tell me his age over the two months or so we emailed and phoned, but didn't.  He wasn't in great health, either.  I finally added, "Must be able to walk a 15 minute mile" to my advertisement. I *wanted* to put in things like "No nut jobs, embittered divorcees, or alkies," but that starts to sound kind of negative.  Once time I did put in, "Hey, Colonel Jack, I'm not a pro, you needn't answer this ad."
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Abitlost on March 04, 2016, 11:20:19 PM
I got punked and am feeling rather foolish. I was emailing this guy who seemed perfect on the site. Then he wanted to start texting. I did my homework first -- Google image searches on his profile pics and several text searches of his verbiage plus a quick phone number search; they were all clean. So I agreed and we spent the entire day engaged in a text conversation. We must have exchanged 500 texts. He had me fooled with his vocabulary, his story was flawless, he definitely is local because he knows all the spots, schedules, nuances, etc of the neighborhood. I kept thinking this guy is too good to be true. Then something he said gave me pause. First thing this morning I asked him to send a selfie doing something specific, a hostage photo if you will. Crickets. Of course he can't produce the photo because he's not really the guy in the profile pics. What a fool I am. But what gives? What is his M.O? I. Give. Up.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on March 04, 2016, 11:38:15 PM
Not a huge fan of texting although it's sometimes a necessary evil.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on March 05, 2016, 08:22:13 AM
I got punked and am feeling rather foolish. I was emailing this guy who seemed perfect on the site. Then he wanted to start texting. I did my homework first -- Google image searches on his profile pics and several text searches of his verbiage plus a quick phone number search; they were all clean. So I agreed and we spent the entire day engaged in a text conversation. We must have exchanged 500 texts. He had me fooled with his vocabulary, his story was flawless, he definitely is local because he knows all the spots, schedules, nuances, etc of the neighborhood. I kept thinking this guy is too good to be true. Then something he said gave me pause. First thing this morning I asked him to send a selfie doing something specific, a hostage photo if you will. Crickets. Of course he can't produce the photo because he's not really the guy in the profile pics. What a fool I am. But what gives? What is his M.O? I. Give. Up.

Don't feel foolish, even though it is hard not to. It has happened to me. Many of these scammers/fakes are really good at it. They try to build your trust with what they say and what they know.

They may not all be after money. Some may indeed be local but just want to lure you into sexting or phone sex. Some may be married. They are always too good to be true.  They can't show their real face as it's not them. Asking for a photo of them doing something is the best way to see if they are real. I'm glad you did this and I hope it was before you wasted too much time on him. I have mentioned this trick here before. Everyone with doubts should use this. Honest/real people will not have an issue doing this. I wish I knew this trick in my early on line dating days. Would have saved me lots of time!

I  hated that I  became cynical of messages I received that seemed too good to be true.  I am by nature, a very trusting person, always feeling that what I see is real. Why wouldn't it be? Well, I've learned that is not always the case with on line dating.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Portside on March 05, 2016, 10:22:01 AM
So I agreed and we spent the entire day engaged in a text conversation. We must have exchanged 500 texts.

(snip)

 What is his M.O? I. Give. Up.

Further proof that my deeply held belief that texting is not communication is valid.

Don't feel bad you got sucked in. No harm done, you just wasted the day, that's all. That IS his M.O. by the way. To engage with women and text the stuffing out of them for a day or so until they get wise is the whole point of his exercise.

Voice to voice communication is good but nothing takes the place of face to face. Tone is damn near impossible to convey through texting. What you gain in convenience you lose in understanding/nuance.

Good luck - it's a jungle out there. Mike 

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on March 06, 2016, 03:59:24 PM
Received an email today , should've known when he said he keeps getting blocked by girls on the site . When he asked if I'm a good kisser, told him odd first choice of first question. He then responded , I won't use actual  words as to not offend anyone but had to do with oral sex. Um ok next ... Told him go away lol
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on March 06, 2016, 06:27:43 PM
Meh. Once I had a phone conversation at 9 a.m. to set up a meeting at noon.

No call, no show.  Thankfully, I had asked that he call me when he got to the neighborhood, rather than waiting at the restaurant.
 
I emailed him that evening. He told me he'd called and when it went straight to voicemail, he "knew" I wasn't going to show.  The problem was, he was lying.  My phone never rang, no phone call was missed or logged. I thought hey, cell phones aren't perfect, would he like to try for a meeting again?  No, he told me, he'd moved on.

A year or so later he answered my ad again.  I reminded him we'd almost met before, but he blew me off.  Yeah, he wrote, sometimes he does that because (wait for it) he doesn't like being rejected.

I think I refrained from actually calling him an asshole, but I sure thought it.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on March 06, 2016, 06:44:50 PM
Edited
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on March 07, 2016, 11:07:14 PM
Low and behold, I have some tidbits to add here!

Today has been an intersting day! I have been sick for a week and booked today off work to try and get better. It was also very entertaining!

My suspected loan shark "gentleman" who was looking for photos, emailed me last night, asking me to text him. It's been 6 weeks since I heard from him. I could have ignored it but thought this could get entertaining. I was right! I told him he had my number and why didn't he text me? He kept begging me to text him. I called him out on going poof,  forgetting my name, and my number. Today I get a text. I asked where he found it. He said in an email I sent. Wrong, I never emailed him my number.  He also found/remembered my name somewhere. Still he is begging for pictures.  I gave him a little reminder about what I'm all about and probably not what he is looking for. I assume he has gone poof again! Hopefully!!!

A friend mentioned the Bumble app to me. It's similar to Tinder but once you match, only the female can initiate contact and it must be within 24 hrs. I thought I would explore it. There are a few issues with it for me. I can't set my correct age and it keeps putting me back to 18! I explain in my profile that I'm 51 and can't seem to fix it! Well I poked around anyway, not expecting any matches. I search for 45-56. I assume they would not be searching for 18. I swipe for a few, some I've seen before on other sites, some new to me. Don't I get a match? Someone I matched with on Tinder, who I had messaged, and who never replied. I message for fun, not expecting a response. I did get a response. Cordial hello and then "18?" I answered back with a laugh and explanation and jokingly ask why he is searching for 18 yr olds. No reponse back! 

Then I get a private message from meetups. Model looking photo, new in town,  wants to meet people and be social. Hometown says Las Vegas, location shows Buffalo.  The message came in the evening. The message started with "Good morning". Sigh......the scammers are following me everywhere!

And here I thought I wouldn't have any new entertainment for you all! 😁
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: mo12 on March 08, 2016, 10:19:56 PM
I haven't read through much of this thread but looking forward to hilarity:)  And sometimes just frustration!!  I keep my profile hidden so I can choose who I get in contact with but I still seem to choose some doozies... One guy asked as the first question whether I want more kids... I joked that maybe we should chat a bit first... then no reply.  Actually I do want more kids but not if you're only interested in my uterus.  Thank you and good bye.   ???
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Portside on March 09, 2016, 06:38:43 AM
. . .  Actually I do want more kids but not if you're only interested in my uterus.

I'm going to go out on a limb here - believe me, he doesn't have the least bit of interest in your uterus.  :o

Mike
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on March 09, 2016, 05:54:53 PM
Ya think ?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: mo12 on March 09, 2016, 10:43:46 PM
Haha.  A bit socially awkward in any case. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Missmybecky on March 10, 2016, 10:41:16 AM
Haha.  A bit socially awkward in any case.

I do not like those kind of questions, they just seem awkward. Many of the dates that I have had from women that I have met online ask me if I want more kids and if I want to get married again. Those questions right off the bat are such a put off!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Forgottenwife on March 10, 2016, 06:20:57 PM
Haha.  A bit socially awkward in any case.

I do not like those kind of questions, they just seem awkward. Many of the dates that I have had from women that I have met online ask me if I want more kids and if I want to get married again. Those questions right off the bat are such a put off!

I am glad you shared this view as I did not realize this could be off putting. To me, I know for sure I do not want more children. This will not change. I see these questions as a quick measure of possible compatibility. I once met and chatted with a man that wanted marriage and children. I may have enjoyed many, many things about him, but if we dated, I would simply be wasting his time.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: kjs1989 on March 10, 2016, 07:39:04 PM
The on-line thing is rough for sure. I ended up hiding my profile so I could have complete control on who I communicated with. Got weary of the weirdos very quickly. Not everyone will bite of course, but it was a chance I was willing to take. It worked out quite well actually, and that is how I met NG. I just went for someone that I was mildly attracted to, was employed, and could write a sentence decently. We laugh now, because of course guys are very visual, so when he received my email with the tiny picture that was still visible even with the hidden profile, he did all he could do to blow it up for a better look! After a couple of emails I played fair and emailed him some photos.

I know it is discouraging. I think I was willing to keep at because I knew of several friends with success stories, so I knew it could   be done. I do think demographics and geography play into it, and that was a bit rough for me because  the area where I live can be slim pickins' for educated, up and coming types! Ha. I had better luck when I looked toward the Chicago area, but a situation like that was just not going to work for me distance wise at that point.

I think what we need to remember is, we are nice people, that means there are other nice people out there looking for us!  We just have to find each other and it is  hard! NG had his horror stories, too. He told me about being catfished twice, hook, line, and sinker! But, thankfully, he also kept at it with an open ( if at times discouraged) mind and eventually we found each other.

Hang in there!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on March 11, 2016, 02:36:01 PM
I ended up hiding my profile so I could have complete control on who I communicated with.

It seems like you might do about as well by almost completely ignoring inbound traffic, leaving your profile visible, and making a point to contact guys you like.  That all seems like a fine idea, knowing the cesspool guys' attempts to reach out tend to come from :-)

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: kjs1989 on March 11, 2016, 03:51:57 PM
Rob, I didn't feel right ignoring people--- and to be honest, the slew of "incoming" was overwhelming and I just didn't want to deal once the creepos came into the mix.  They ruined the fun to be honest, and made me uneasy, but yet I still was open to meeting a nice person, if just as a new friend. I was lucky, I will admit. I think the hidden profile may be more likely to work for a gal than a guy because most people understand a woman's concerns about privacy and safety and might take a chance. And who knows, I may have missed out on meeting some nice guys, too.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on March 14, 2016, 09:38:49 AM
Sometimes its hard to know when a scammer is circling....sometimes it is so clear (only 1 pic, looks like a model, bad spelling, grammar, claims to be a widower, tries to get personal info out of you too soon) but sometimes its so hard to tell. Today I received an email from a nice looking guy who was 57 (outside my age range) but his pics looked like he was 25, seriously. Then he admits in his profile how he lied about his age on his profile (it says 54 but his text write-up admits to his true age of 57)  Then he wrote me a very long eloquent email about how he happened to me moving to the town next to mine, how he happens to be in Boston frequently (which I am), how he too is looking for a long-term relationship, he happened to travel to all the places listed in my profile, how he happened to also work in finance, how my profile "inspired" him. I don't know....something just felt off....so I deleted that one. I only re-joined Match recently out of pure boredom but my radar just feels so off after my last 2 relationships. Even the nice guys give me pause....I enjoyed online dating before but now it feels tiring and like a huge game.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Joey on March 14, 2016, 12:37:00 PM
Sometimes its hard to know when a scammer is circling....claims to be a widower

Widower.... just curious why that claim would be made... Is this actually a coveted thing in online-dating circles?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on March 14, 2016, 12:49:14 PM
I have had this issue before - but I saw through it, easily. The guy was a clear scammer in my case. Certain scammers online dating have adopted the widower status to play the sympathy card. Its really sick.....But unfortunately there are also a lot of widows/widowers online : ( I try and give people the benefit of the doubt but I have seen it happen and its scary that people do this so I am ultra cautious.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on March 14, 2016, 02:06:39 PM
CW, So sorry you are dealing with this too. I really thought it was me, giving off some weird vibe to scammers to come find me.

I've hid my profiles for now.  I was really disappointed.

I give all the nice guys the benefit of the doubt, but I have been wrong every time this round!

Sending commiserating hugs to you.😊
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on March 14, 2016, 02:11:30 PM
Sometimes its hard to know when a scammer is circling....claims to be a widower

Widower.... just curious why that claim would be made... Is this actually a coveted thing in online-dating circles?

Yes, widower, new in town/area, charming.....
Most of mine have been some kind of engineer or gold merchant!

It's the sympathy play for sure...so sad because it makes the real widowers who are engineers suspicious!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on March 14, 2016, 04:36:19 PM
I'm an engineer, but I don't lay pipe! :-)

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Missmybecky on March 14, 2016, 10:22:27 PM
I am an Engineer and I design pipelines, what's the big deal?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on March 14, 2016, 10:52:26 PM
Rob and MMB you are too funny!!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on March 15, 2016, 08:24:29 AM
I hate the ghosting that goes on, on dating sites. Some guy contacted me last week (cute, professional), we emailed back and forth a few times and he seemed very eager to meet up for drinks. We were supposed to meet tonight so I emailed him yesterday to check in and sort out plans....I could tell he read my email but no response (so rude!!) .....Since I had to change my train schedule, sort out babysitting to plan this date I was pretty annoyed. So I blocked him and planned a new date with a new man. NEXT !
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on March 15, 2016, 08:27:12 AM
One of the more odd but funny emails I received last night - "Your profile left me speechless. Maybe that's more appropriately termed mind-numb-cant think of- anything-clever-to-say. This might take some time for me to write something (ignoring the fact I just wrote this...)"

Thought I could make a few people smile today...Ill keep 'em coming.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Forgottenwife on March 15, 2016, 12:48:23 PM
I always found the most confusing messages were the unsolicited penis pics... Does that ever work?! I became expert at knowing the block feature on the sites I was on.

And then I weeded through all the men and found a keeper. It was entertaining and funny and sometimes sad and lonely.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Portside on March 15, 2016, 08:57:55 PM
I always found the most confusing messages were the unsolicited penis pics... Does that ever work?!

In a word, "Yes". That's why they do it. It's purely a numbers game. If the guy sends out 100 p pics and he gets 2 interested replies, he considers it a win. (Actually two wins) Believe me, there is always that percentage of any population that will respond to outrageous behavior.

The reverse happens too - morally broken women send unsolicited mommy part pictures to their targets. Many times, it gets a rise out them. Ummm. . . . . well, you know what I mean.  :-[

Mike
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: MrsDan on March 15, 2016, 09:36:50 PM
I always found the most confusing messages were the unsolicited penis pics... Does that ever work?!

In a word, "Yes". That's why they do it. It's purely a numbers game. If the guy sends out 100 p pics and he gets 2 interested replies, he considers it a win. (Actually two wins) Believe me, there is always that percentage of any population that will respond to outrageous behavior.

The reverse happens too - morally broken women send unsolicited mommy part pictures to their targets. Many times, it gets a rise out them. Ummm. . . . . well, you know what I mean.  :-[

Mike

I disagree. My sense is it's more of a kind of virtual assault; guys enjoy making women really uncomfortable with their junk.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TormentedTwoStep on March 16, 2016, 07:13:57 AM

I disagree. My sense is it's more of a kind of virtual assault; guys enjoy making women really uncomfortable with their junk.

Not this guy!  I always enjoyed making one woman feel really "comfortable" with my junk.  Though it's been so long I don't know about that capability any longer.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on March 16, 2016, 09:41:30 AM
I'm an engineer, but I don't lay pipe! :-)

Take care,
Rob T

Darn! You don't?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on March 16, 2016, 09:43:53 AM
I am an Engineer and I design pipelines, what's the big deal?

And if you messaged me on a dating site I would be suspicious now.
Why the scammers have chosen this MO, I have no idea!

No word of a lie, I've had at least 5 scammers like this!  😨
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on March 16, 2016, 09:45:32 AM
I hate the ghosting that goes on, on dating sites. Some guy contacted me last week (cute, professional), we emailed back and forth a few times and he seemed very eager to meet up for drinks. We were supposed to meet tonight so I emailed him yesterday to check in and sort out plans....I could tell he read my email but no response (so rude!!) .....Since I had to change my train schedule, sort out babysitting to plan this date I was pretty annoyed. So I blocked him and planned a new date with a new man. NEXT !

Fun right? 😕
Unbelievable I know. This drove me insane too.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on March 16, 2016, 09:49:47 AM
I always found the most confusing messages were the unsolicited penis pics... Does that ever work?! I became expert at knowing the block feature on the sites I was on.

And then I weeded through all the men and found a keeper. It was entertaining and funny and sometimes sad and lonely.

You know, out of all the crazies I've had, only one ever did this.
I did respond to some of the crude messages I received, asking if it actually worked for them. 😀
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on March 16, 2016, 08:01:04 PM
If one more guy starts a conversation with me , just to poof into thin air I'm going to go crazy . I could see if I said I have three heads , 85 children , and male female parts... Then yes, run.. But I'm talking where do you live, kids .. And poof ...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on March 17, 2016, 08:24:16 AM
OK - I have a good one. On the first go around on Match.com 2 years ago, I was "dating" this guy in Boston who was slightly older, we had a lot in common and he seemed like a decent chap. Never got physical so pretty casual relationship and he went "poof" on me one day. I wasn't too upset, met someone I liked much better anyway. BUT he resurfaces about a year later (by then I had deleted his number on my cell) and checked in to see how I am and my son is. I was polite but didn't reply to his last text. THEN about 6 months ago he sends me some pervy texts out of the blue - really inappropriate so I asked him to leave me alone, that his behavior was beyond offensive. His response - "Well, I am a pervert and you are a princess so we would make a great match"...Im serious...SOOO I blocked him and moved on. WELL, last night I received a message from him on Match.com (new pen name) that acted like none of this had transpired - he said "Hi Gorgeous, was wondering how you were. Thought it would be nice to get together and catch up....etc." WOW - are you kidding me ? I didn't respond and blocked him right away. Creep....
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: StillWidowed on March 17, 2016, 09:17:24 AM
Met a guy online once.  Hadn't communicated much, but accepted his invitation to dinner.  While waiting for our table in the bar area, another man sitting next to me says hello.  I greeted him back.  As my date continued on with the online guy, it just got worse and worse.  I couldn't get out of that restaurant fast enough.  The next day I went to a fundraiser.  The guy that said hello to me from the night before, recognized me immediately and came rushing up to me.  Said "hey didn't I see you last night as such and such a restaurant".  I recognized him and we had a good laugh over my disaster of a date.  He said he could tell right away that I had way too much class for that other guy and he'd love to take me to dinner.  I wasn't attracted to him, wasn't feeling it, so instead I got his number.  He couldn't find a pen and paper fast enough to write it down and give it to me.  So I waited, thought about it, and decided to go ahead and contact him.  He asked me out to dinner for the following weekend.  Ok, I thought.  He seems like a nice guy and seems genuinely interested.  So we had plans to meet for dinner on a Saturday night.  One hour before he texts me and tells me he can't make it.  No explanation.  No nothing.  Just sorry, I can't make it.  So it's not just the online guys that go poof.  The ones you meet in real life do too.  I read once that you need a thick skin if you're going to date.  So I decided I'm going to keep my skin the thickness it is naturally, and just forgo the dating scene.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: MrsDan on March 17, 2016, 12:45:56 PM
CW a guy that I went on a few dates with last fall who then disappeared contacted me recently too, although not nearly as offensive. Said he was sorry, his mom and his dog got sick, he got a new job, blah blah blah. He was sorry he hadn't reached out earlier. (In other words, pickings on OKCupid got pretty slim). So I thought I'd be magnanimous; I wrote back, saying I was sorry to hear he had such a tough time, it's normally a hard time for me but I met a wonderful guy who I've been seeing the last few months. He wrote back saying that's great that I met someone, he hasn't gone out with anyone since, he realized he needed to work on himself, and that he's sorry he dropped off but he's bad at those sorts of conversations. (In other words, he's a giant pussy). I thought okay, that's cool, I was polite, but that should close things. But then a few days later he sent me a message recommending some music. Oh no dear, this is not a thing here. I appreciate your apology, I guess but yeah, I've moved on to MUCH better things. Bye dude.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Mrskro on March 17, 2016, 01:25:49 PM
Not so much a vent....but I think I'm doing this online thing wrong  :P

him: nice
(not even sure why I responded)

me:  nice ?  but thank you

Him: nice profile

Me:  thanks.  How are you today?

Him:  I'm well.  So coffee in an hour?

UMMMM  after 4 words?  I don't think so
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on March 17, 2016, 11:13:49 PM
 ::)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on March 21, 2016, 05:49:05 PM
That's funny Mrs. Dan. A giant one ; )
Mrskro you should have responded you don't drink coffee.
And if you wrote him back nice I guarantee he would respond the same.
Nice..
Nice what ?
Ass.
(You're an Ass ; )
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Quixote on March 21, 2016, 07:05:45 PM
Gah.  I took the plunge a month or so ago and made a profile on Match.com  but didn't activate it.  Or so I thought. I mean, I didn't pay for anything, just kind of did a rough draft thing I did as a mental test run.  Despite that, I'm getting spammed with all these "so and so winked at you!" or "N women checked yes!" emails.  No idea if they're real or if it's just the service trying to soak me for cash.  Either way, it's incredibly cheesy. I know it's the service and not really the women concerned, but still: Holy Buzzkill, Batman.

Hate the very idea of online dating, but-- and I know I'm not the first to say this-- all the age appropriate (late thirties to forties) women I know are married, gay, or crazy. Sometimes all three.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on March 21, 2016, 11:42:11 PM
Quixote even though you made a rough draft it is visible to others. You just can't respond until you pay. Yes it's their way of sucking you in, I once got 30 some odd "likes", winks, messages, etc. when I paid none of them responded. And trying to close your account will never happen. Profiles are left on indefinitely to make it appear there's these huge amounts of people that want to meet you.
It's BS.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on March 22, 2016, 10:43:21 AM
Everyone should hide their match.com account if they are not looking.  If you don't, your image will be used to try to interest others and will sometimes generate fake views even if you stop logging in.

I think I am hiding my account tomorrow.  The five-date widda I took on a picnic a couple of weeks ago seems to have gone poof - I'd asked her to breakfast on her day off tomorrow, but it's been enough days since I heard back that I don't expect to do so.  I hadn't thought she was a poofer, but you never know.  If I try to Get A Life(TM) in April and actually try to get some PICTURES OF MYSELF WITH OTHER PEOPLE, maybe I will come across better.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Quixote on March 22, 2016, 11:04:38 AM
Thanks guys, confirms my suspicions. I'll have to figure out how to hide it.  I thought it wouldn't be active until I completed everything.  Still ambivalent about dating, tbh.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: kjs1989 on March 22, 2016, 11:57:15 AM
Yeah, I don't think I would have stuck with Match either it it had not been for all the success stories with friends and acquaintances that made me persistent. I just want to nod my head at what everyone is saying here. The scams, the pervs, the losers, the ones who contact you months and months later after going "poof" or after clearly not being a good match. Ugh.

Here is a crazy success story:

 I have two very good friends, both divorced after horrible marriages, who met on Match ten years ago. My female friend absolutely refused to do a profile, wanted nothing to do with it. But, she did peruse the male profiles with a friend and took an interest in one particular guy. His profile name contained a four digit number, so she assumed perhaps it was his home phone number (What are the chances it was not a cell??) and went through the phone book for hours until she found a name and address with that number. She wrote him a letter. He responded. They met. Her name is Kathy. He was dating two other Kathys at the time. It was not long until he was dating one Kathy---her. They have been married seven years now, managed to combine their families beautifully, and are one of the happiest couples I know. Lucky them!

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Quixote on March 22, 2016, 12:50:20 PM
Think I managed to pull my profile.  Got a confirmation number and everything. Maybe I'll change my mind, but right now all those spam emails were just annoying me.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on March 22, 2016, 05:33:58 PM
Soooo, I thought maybe the 1st day of spring held a little promise, so I unhid my profiles....

Him...
My name is XXX and I am a 53 years old straight male. 5'10" tall 170 lbs Short grey hair and brown eyes.
I too am looking for a woman who may not like but understands my crazy work hours and wants one person to spend time together and have a special friendship. I have great endurance and I love to lick xxxx for hours

Me....
So tell me XXX, does this approach of an opening message actually work for you?
I seriously must be doing something totally wrong on here then.

Him ...
no wasn't thinking sorry

Hey, at least I received an apology....That is a first!


Oh....the men going poof...they don't seem to be slowing down at all.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on March 22, 2016, 05:44:16 PM
Everyone should hide their match.com account if they are not looking.  If you don't, your image will be used to try to interest others and will sometimes generate fake views even if you stop logging in.

I think I am hiding my account tomorrow.  The five-date widda I took on a picnic a couple of weeks ago seems to have gone poof - I'd asked her to breakfast on her day off tomorrow, but it's been enough days since I heard back that I don't expect to do so.  I hadn't thought she was a poofer, but you never know.  If I try to Get A Life(TM) in April and actually try to get some PICTURES OF MYSELF WITH OTHER PEOPLE, maybe I will come across better.

Take care,
Rob T

Yes, always hide your profile. If yoy won't be back for a while, delete the pictures as well, just in case. You never know what can be done with them if they still exist on there.
.
I'm sorry about 5 date widda. I know you were hopeful.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SimiRed on March 22, 2016, 06:09:13 PM
.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Forgottenwife on March 22, 2016, 08:19:41 PM
I too am looking for a woman who may not like but understands my crazy work hours and wants one person to spend time together and have a special friendship. I have great endurance and I love to lick xxxx for hours

I can't even... what?  :-[
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on March 22, 2016, 08:29:38 PM
The five-date widda I took on a picnic a couple of weeks ago seems to have gone poof - I'd asked her to breakfast on her day off tomorrow, but it's been enough days since I heard back that I don't expect to do so. 

Well, awhile after I wrote this, I heard from her.  It looks like she might have flat-out missed my invitation, haven't actually talked so it's unclear.  We're set for a walk Thursday.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on March 23, 2016, 08:09:20 AM
 ::)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: MIK3 on March 23, 2016, 11:40:58 PM
I had an interesting encounter. Normally I ignore the simple "Hi" or "Hey there!" intros, but I responded to one who listed 'widowed' as her marital status. I offered my condolences and asked "how long has it been?".  She responded that she didn't know what I meant and she'd forgotten what she'd written in her profile. Later, she explained that she was really divorced and that she was trying an experiment to see if 'widowed' would get her more hits on her profile.  She said, though, that she knows what it feels like to be widowed.  I told her that her experiment makes it clear that she doesn't.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Mrskro on March 24, 2016, 07:00:31 AM
MIK3 ..... Nope just Nope

That one might take the prize as all time worst.  :( :o
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on March 24, 2016, 03:39:53 PM
Yes a low way to attract another : (
Poo poo award
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on March 24, 2016, 03:54:02 PM
Might as well start the relationship honestly, with a lie, right? :-)

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on March 24, 2016, 06:06:11 PM
Bottom of the barrel if you ask me.  Nope, you're outa here real fast!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on March 24, 2016, 06:33:13 PM
Geez! What a real prize she is! 😨
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on March 25, 2016, 05:39:26 AM
Met a guy a few days ago on match, talked on phone, texted. Had drinks wens night. Cute, nice time . Texts when I left , sounds promising . Text yesterday good morning etc. all good. Last night .. The odd questions started .. The best was am I the agreesor in bed... Didn't respond, he txt sorry about question. So I said I have no issue talking about sex, but I just met you .l. With that I get sorry won't happen again , and I'm tired going to bed night . ... Well alrighty then . Would be shocked if hear from him again . Next ....
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on March 25, 2016, 07:33:16 AM
Momtojandj....agreed, that guy was being really inappropriate and that's a red flag to me. An ex of mine made some lewd comments early on and since he apologized I just left it. But it was a precursor to the kind of guy he really was- i.e. Not a good guy. The sexual upfront questions when you meet is NOT sexy and guys should have figured that out lol. On my end, had a fabulous match date 2 weeks ago- cute, we had tons in common, lots of chemistry. He texted he really wanted to see me again and we set another date for last night - we texted a bit in the interim. About a week ago, I responded to his text with a question and he went silent on me....but since he is in my favorite contact list (he liked me) I could see he was constantly online. Then no follow up about our date. I just left it because I am not chasing anyone. But the as yesterday passes I started to get really annoyed- I had put this night aside, booked my nanny to babysit and he couldn't even bother to cancel. So I sent him an email on match - firm but fair- that I'm fine if potential dates cancel, move on etc as that is the nature of online dating but it's incredibly rude to ignore a text and then not even let me know the date is cancelled and ghost on me. His profile said he was a gentleman - I pointed out he was NO gentleman. Surprisingly I received a nice apology - and he admitted he was in the wrong. He claimed there was some person stuff going on with his family and he was only now getting his head on straight. Honestly I'm not even sure he was telling the truth but nice to get an apology as he could have bloody well just sent a quick cancellation text. Next!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on March 25, 2016, 07:40:44 AM
Spoke to a guy on the phone 2 days ago as I call screen everyone now as my time is precious....he claimed he was a really positive person, great dad and liked the positivity on my profile. Then we are talking and he just keeps complaining, about match.com, life etc Then I asked him about his daughter and whether she was an only child and he lets a big hmpf and says oh god one child is ENOUGH! Not cool to say that to someone with kids- and his negativity was brutal. No wonder he was looking for someone positive. Next!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TormentedTwoStep on March 25, 2016, 07:51:43 AM
Like most here, I've been out on several dates with great ladies, but sadly none has really clicked with me.  Typically if a first date goes well enough, good conversation, etc., I will ask for a second date to get a better read figuring the next one all the nerves will have subsided and I can tell if we'll have any chemistry.  So, it's usually been two dates, no spark, and I typically call the day after the date, thank them for their time and great company, and express my regrets that I don't think we're quite right for a match.  Game over, and most of these ladies have remained casual friends.  A couple of them have let me off the hook after several dates, and the same thing happens.  They are very kind and gracious, we still chat from time to time, but there's no romantic intention and I don't take it personal.

But I have one that I went out with twice, we seemed to click, we know a lot of the same people, run in similar circles, but a week after the second date, I just couldn't conjure up any feelings for her and decided to call her and graciously move on.  I thought it went well.  She texts me last night to ask if I thought we may ever have a chance at getting together, should she wait to see if I healed more, are we just friends or just on hold, etc.  What???????

I texted back a lengthy response, told her I didn't see her in a romantic light and regretted it since she's smart, charming, adventurous, great personality and very beautiful-but I just couldn't manufacture the chemistry.

No return text, complete radio silence.  So let me ask the women-how do you prefer to be let off the hook?  I don't ghost, I don't lead on, I don't give false hope, I'm frank, but at the same time very gentle and gracious.  Can I get some pointers for if I every find myself in this situation again?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on March 25, 2016, 08:24:59 AM
TTS- honestly I do something similar with guys- some take it well, say I get it and sometimes ask if I ever want to grab drinks as friends, others don't take it well. Honestly, I prefer honesty (even if it's disappointment news) vs ghosting. Don't take it personally that some dates aren't taking it well - you are being honest and a gentleman here. Throwing in a few compliments is always an easier let down too. Amended to add- you don't need to give them several rounds of explanations.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on March 25, 2016, 08:50:10 AM
I don't think there's such thing as "friends" on a dating site. This is a major problem for me, as the "friends thing" turns out to be exes and FWB's. Dated and had several relationships from the sites where these friends came out of the woodwork and the oh I didn't tell you's ?
To the point of getting myself ill over it. And no one is worth losing your dignity over.
M2J I wouldn't give him a second glance or even respond. Aggressor ? Sure, I tie you down and strip you naked and then videotape it for FB. ((Next..))
CW you don't need ghosters, or explanations, you are too kind and upfront and deserve the same.
T2S I couldn't help w it I have the same issues. Telling someone they are not really a good match, either nicely or not, sometimes induces an angry reply. Honesty is best, but it's a dating jungle these days and times. Going home from a nice date to find the other person back on line immediately and constantly means they are players, the date didn't go as well as we may have hoped. Time to move on.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SimiRed on March 25, 2016, 11:06:45 AM
Tormented, I think you handled telling your dates that the relationship won't go any further perfectly.  You're honest, mature and sensitive to them by not "ghosting" or just vanishing without a trace.  Honesty is the best policy, I'm sure telling someone "I'm not interested" is a bit uncomfortable, but it does give the other person closure. 

I agree with Captains Wife and TalkstoAngels, no long winded explanation is needed.

As long as you are being yourself, you are not doing anything wrong.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TormentedTwoStep on March 25, 2016, 12:21:29 PM
Thanks for the support, all.  I've had a couple ladies tell me over the phone, and one in person that I'm just not their cup of tea.  Great!  Thank you for being honest and not allowing me to get my hopes up or waste my time!  I'd even rather have someone get up in the middle of a date if it's going nowhere, excuse themselves and wish my a nice life.  I never take it personal.  What I do take personal is the flakey ones that give me a case of the heebie jeebies, I politely dismiss, and they get crazy upset and act like I've torn up the marriage license. 

I mean, she told me she quit her career in nursing to live out her passion of driving an ice cream truck.  For real.  I put on my oversized clown shoes and pedaled my unicycle right outta there  ;).  Why do I attract crazy?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on March 25, 2016, 12:39:57 PM
Yes, honesty over the "Poof" every time!
Why do people have a problem with honesty. Come on, we are grown ups right?

Oh wait....forgot some may not know what being a grown up is all about!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on March 25, 2016, 02:39:32 PM
Wow, after reading all this I am no where near ready to date.  Ugh
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on March 25, 2016, 08:57:17 PM
Here's a question... Anyone I have dated really has been in real life meeting. The few dates I've done online , were usually one and done. So.. Isn't purpose of dating is to date one person , and see where it goes? Or do most online people just multi date ? Guy I had date with , is still dating others. Yes I could too , but if purpose is to have a relationship , wouldn't you want to see how one pans out ? Confused lol  interested in opinions
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on March 25, 2016, 11:05:41 PM
Momtojandj, I think I see good reasons and bad reasons to date multiple people.

The good: Many people just out on the market don't know what they want, or perhaps what their choices are now.  If they have to figure that out by focusing on just one partner at a time, it can take a very long time.  If you can find a better match by figuring out what you want, dating multiple people until someone stands out can be good.

The bad: If people are either very picky or focus on the richness of choices out there (or both!) the "just click next" thing is too compelling.  I think there's a whole lot of people out there looking for purple unicorns, and a beautiful horse without that horn on their head or sporting a different colour need not apply.

I think dating multiple people can be OK as long as people are honest and can talk about wanting or not wanting an exclusive relationship.  I think people do better if they slow down and don't expect to know the outcome right away, which can give time for more than one set of dates.  If you have The Talk, and the both break off with the runners-up and hide dating profiles, no harm done (he says hopefully).

By preferring one at a time, might you be trying for exclusivity too soon, or do you just feel overwhelmed by juggling too many people?

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on March 25, 2016, 11:14:07 PM
Rob, purple unicorns .. Funny .
I feel overwhelmed , I barely can keep straight my life ,two kids , two dogs.. I am sure I would get two or more people mixed up.. As in which one had three kids ? Who was going away ?  Maybe I should try dating a few.. O wait I would have to have more than one sane person interested at a time .. 😜
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on March 25, 2016, 11:36:11 PM
I've found 95% plus on dating sites are not ready for any commitment. I've seen it all, from the serial daters to the ones hiding they are married or looking to upgrade. Dating sites are for dating, thus this gives the impression that relationships are few and far. I thought I knew several nice people, even after over a year that I thought we were a couple, only to find hidden agendas, threatening exes calling my phone, and people looking for comfort and security, something that should establish itself over time, not a pot of gold at the end of purple unicorn rainbows. 3 date rule.
If you don't find honesty trust, and someone who actually finds you irresistible, MTFO,
I won't go down that path again..
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on March 27, 2016, 12:24:40 AM
I've avoided this topic because I have not checked out online dating sites, but I was curious about your dating experiences. It's interesting how some of these topics have come up with other friends who are dating. Going ghost, feeling like high school, immaturity, booty calls, on and on.

All of the guys I have dated have also mentioned that they know how to cook, are not slobs, and have great relationships with their mothers. Is that in a 'what women want' dating handbook? Not that those aren't great qualities, but for all of them to mention them on the first date is amusing to me.

Dating makes me appreciate what my husband and I had even more. All of the guys I've gone out with are good guys, so no horror stories.  Just not for me. They all still contact me.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on March 27, 2016, 01:41:55 AM
Virgo, if I ever decide to venture out there, maybe it'll be not by starting with on line daring.  Don't know if I could endure this craziness.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on March 27, 2016, 07:01:21 AM
I met my late husband on match.com in nyc so I don't fully disregard this way to meet a potential partner. However, the key problem with online dating is that even if we are using it as a means to meet a potential lifetime partner, many on there are not - and many are not upfront about it. I have multi dated (just dating no physical) and I don't think there is anything wrong with it, as long as you are upfront about it. Dating just one person at a time could mean a long time to figure out false starts. I have also admittedly used online dating to just dip my toes in the water (about 14 months after my husband died) and see who was out there and also try dating men who weren't usually my type. This time around I am looking for a serious boyfriend but want to move slowly - so I am trying to weed out those early on who are serial daters, on the rebound, non commital etc. Not an easy task but sometimes you can tell from their profile or what they say on the phone and I try and ask the right questions without it seeming like an interview. I refuse to date anyone who is separated or fairly recently divorced - I've always had issues here. I feel if by date 5 or 6 the person you are dating is perpetually online, hasn't queried about getting exclusive then it's not a great sign. I don't want to date someone for 3 plus months if he is dating several other people. If we decide to get intimate then I would expect him not to date anyone else- if he is still online, I would move on.  I think we know several dates in if we want to see what happens and if the guy isn't there...I move on. Ps - momtojandj - I put notes in my phone to keep track of multi dates lol.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on March 27, 2016, 09:20:05 AM
Purple unicorns, I like it. 
For a while I have been working on myself. Allowing myself to get out there and take art and exercise classes it sure beats staring at the walls at night.  I also have taken on a few extra assignments at work.  I need to have a plan for my week and to do this I sign up for these classes sometimes months in advance. 
 I tried online dating awhile back and it just didn?t work for me, and honestly I wasn?t ready for it.  This might sound a little weird but I really want to start to date but I don?t want to lose myself. I have started e-therapy and I feel pretty good about all of this.  I put up my new profile and getting replies from guys.  Some went poof, which didn?t surprise me.  One of the gents I really liked but he would give me a warning of a few hours to meet him.  I am all for meeting but giving me a few hours warning with my schedule just doesn?t work. Is this normal to do? He has gone poof.
 I made plans to meet this other guy on Saturday but wouldn?t you know it I woke up with one nasty cold and had to cancel.  We have been talking on the phone so at least he could hear it in my voice that I am sick.  We are planning to meet Thursday after my work and I am so darn nervous.  Now for my truth to come out, I am nervous because what if our coffee date takes too long.  I was planning on getting my marking done that night.  How does one manage all of this? 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SimiRed on March 27, 2016, 02:24:12 PM
Not an easy task but sometimes you can tell from their profile or what they say on the phone and I try and ask the right questions without it seeming like an interview. I refuse to date anyone who is separated or fairly recently divorced - I've always had issues here.

Hmmm...what would be the "right" questions?  Seems like I would have a ton of questions!  But, I would scare anyone away with all the questions that are in my head. 

I agree, that anyone recently divorced or separated is not a date I would choose to go on.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on March 27, 2016, 02:34:04 PM
Virgo, if I ever decide to venture out there, maybe it'll be not by starting with on line daring.  Don't know if I could endure this craziness.

All of the men I've dated so far I either graduated high school with, was set up by a friend, or they knew  (or knew of) my LH. My LH was a LEO. I'm actually talking to a fireman, dispatcher, and someone I graduated high school with right now. I've been debating going out with them or taking a break from dating lol. I won't say I wouldn't try online dating, but I prefer not to. At least for now.

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on March 28, 2016, 07:41:59 AM
SimiRed - I used to go and ask WAY too many questions at the start as I didn't trust anyone and I probably came across like I was interviewing and too intense...but now I ease them into the conversation once they bring up certain topics (i.e finding out how long been out of marriage/relationship, some ideas about how last relationship ended and their attitude towards exes, how long been on Match.com, their "ideal" dating situation).

So....I have 5 new dates (coffee, lunch, evening drinks, dinner) this week so wish me luck - hope I have something good to report afterwards : )
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SimiRed on March 28, 2016, 07:12:54 PM
Good luck CW!  I get the trust issues, that's what I'm afraid I'd do...I'd machine gun the poor guy with a bazillion questions!  Probably all the wrong ones!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: tybec on March 29, 2016, 05:11:40 PM
Still off here most of the time.  BUT I AM DATING!  I got two kittens for Christmas as my 12 yr. old cat died in July earlier.  When someone commented on my cats (cat lady), that threw me in.  I am not that person, so date 4 is planned for this weekend.  Talk nightly.  Text daily.  Feel like a crazy teen.  It is fun, unnerving, scary and exciting.  But so glad I took the plunge.  Thanks to the forum for giving insight.....
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on March 29, 2016, 08:22:46 PM
Some weeks I had two or three dates with different men. I never minded that, and sometimes one date was enough to determine there would be no more.  I generally assumed if I didn't feel any chemistry by date #3 I was wasting my time and his. I didn't think that was leading anyone on.

Current Beau had a date lined up with another woman before he and I met.  Rather than cancel, he went through with the meeting, but there was no second date.  I've talked with other people who did the same thing: followed through with meetings already scheduled, even if they *may* have met someone they really liked. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on March 30, 2016, 05:49:35 AM
I thought I was ready to try this online dating thing again but now not too sure.   This time around I find I am much more open but maybe I am not asking them the right questions in the first place. I am back in therapy because I feel sometimes I am a "cold fish".  My therapist suggested a few things and one of them is to start to set up boundaries which is a whole other topic. 

Last Friday I had a coffee date planned with one of the guys but came down with a cold and cancelled.  I know it must look like I might be wimping out on the date so I actually called him to cancel so he could hear that I had a cold.  My schedule is very busy right now and I understand that it might look odd to someone and have them question if am I stringing them along.  We planned to meet Thursday night but there was a death in the family and now I have to drive down to the funeral Thursday so I texted this guy.  His reply was "looks like we are at different stages of our lives bye bye".  Do I reply? 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Mrskro on March 30, 2016, 07:46:55 AM
Needy....Different stages?    Because of a funeral and a cold?   Sounds like the guy has no sympathy to me .... I wouldn't reply or would just go with "good luck"

Tormented....I had a an ex (from high school) that did the same thing...."you just need time"  I felt horrible, I was honest.  I mean he was an ex for a reason and unfortunately time didn't really change the reasons why we weren't a romantic match to begin with.   We are still friends but I get the vibe every now and then that he thinks if he waits long enough I'll be "ready".

I vote for honesty.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Portside on March 30, 2016, 09:02:04 AM
We planned to meet Thursday night but there was a death in the family and now I have to drive down to the funeral Thursday so I texted this guy.  His reply was "looks like we are at different stages of our lives bye bye".  Do I reply?

No, I wouldn't. He has, for whatever reason, decided he isn't interested in finding out if you two are a match for each other as it's too much work on his part.

These things happen and it's obvious he is not willing to give you any latitude.

Good luck - Mike

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on March 30, 2016, 12:16:17 PM
N2,
No. I would not reply. Bye bye ? Come on.
Any sincere person would say, hey that's ok, or I'm sorry for a death.
Bye bye ?
Make it final.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on March 31, 2016, 11:44:40 AM
Needytoo, it looks like he believed you were stringing him along.  This could happen if you didn't counter-offer for the cancelled dates - if it's you having to break the date, it should be you showing you're still interested and not just making a polite excuse.  If you came up short, he could read it as lack of interest.  His response was not very gracious - a gentleman would express condolences and leave it open for you to get in touch later, even if he expected that to not happen.  So you don't appear to be missing much.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on April 01, 2016, 11:56:24 PM
You cancelled two dates.
It's not your fault, but it's probably not the first time he's been rejected.   Frankly, a fellow cancelled twice on me, and on our third "date" he was a NCNS.  If your prospect had as many potential meetings go "poof" as I did, he thinks he's being sandbagged, and  cutting his losses.

Sorry it didn't work out.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on April 01, 2016, 11:58:08 PM
 ::) ::)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on April 02, 2016, 07:32:13 AM
Good morning everyone, thanks everyone for your comments.  I do understand how this guy would think I am stringing him along and he doesn't know me but I don't lie and to make that comment I agree he isn't worth my effort to get to know him. 

Now I need some advice.  I found that last two guys have gone poof because it most likely does appear that I am stringing them along.  I do work too much and I am trying to cut back on that but it takes time, I need to finish the work and hit the dead lines. Another two more weeks and more work load will have decreased way down.   I also take art, exercise and creative writing classes.  I really feel without all of my fun stuff there is no way I could handle the stress of all my work.  To be able to do all of this I need to schedule stuff way in advance in my calendar.  Doesn't seem too hard of a concept to me.   I have had two guys give me a days warning that they want to meet and I have to turn them down and they comment that I am way too busy.  Is this normal?  Sounds a little too demanding to me.  Now don't get me wrong I am looking for a relationship that has great communication but also allows the other person to have a life outside the relationship. 

I do believe in honesty but I also believe in being safe online and all people need is my first name and where I work and they can find out my last name.  I think I have had now four of the guys show up under my facebook account as people I may know.  What do I do about this? Should I be that concerned? 

Last question does Match send out icebreakers to people?  I had a message from a guy and it appears I sent him something that I didn't?

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on April 02, 2016, 08:26:22 AM
I always google search the person I'm talking to so I would expect that normal people are trying to find out about you too. So they might connect to facebook. I'm just saying I'm not a stalker/scammer or other type of deviant so I wouldn't worry too much about that.

As far as scheduling things you do sound busy....but the first meeting doesn't have to be huge. Maybe you could say  something like:I've got art class tuesday but if you want to get a quick cup of coffee before I head in theres a shop just up the street......That way you're not always postponing their curiosity and yet maybe you can fit some meet and greets in that could lead to further full sized  scheduled fun dates. Not sure it's feasible but it's an idea.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on April 02, 2016, 11:13:04 AM
if I had that much going on, I wouldn't be trying to schedule dates as well.  WE know you mean well, but you're not trying to get a date with US.   If people are eager to meet, it makes sense to strike while the iron is hot.

 After a while online, I took "Can you get back to me next week?" as a polite brush-off, and it was.  I'd get back to them next week and I got crickets chirping. The other people you're trying to connect with online are getting rejected from time to time (or maybe a lot).  Because frankly, not everyone will come right out and say, "Thanks, I'm not interested."  They SHOULD, but they DON'T. Saying you want to date and being "too busy"...well, they don't know you. They are going to go on their past experiences which are not positive.

Alternatively, since you have all these things going on, be up front about it and say, "The only good times for me right now are X on Thursdays and Y on Sundays."

First meetings for me were usually a coffee or a beer.  One of the men I met said the same thing and commented he'd had meetings when the coffee didn't even get cold. 

Why tell people where you work?  I don't think I did. They don't need that info to have coffee at Tim Horton's.  They need to know I have dyed red hair, I'm 5'5" and weigh about 140.

Tighten up the privacy settings on your Facebook account.  I don't know how to do it, someone had to talk me through it. Someone can do that for you, too.

If they give you a name, you can google that. If they give you an email, you can google that, too.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on April 02, 2016, 06:15:59 PM
It's been a busy dating week for me. It just so happened a few potential prospects contacted me so I staggered 5 dates this week- phew. Day 1 - coffee date that I unknowingly stood up because his confirmation message didn't get through, Day 2- Lunch with very cute and outgoing widower and really enjoyed myself plus felt some chemistry. He took my arm as we were walking out...such a gentleman. Day 3- Quick drink after work with crazy real estate guy. Hands down one of the worst dates I've ever had. He shows up half an hour late, REEKS like pot (I kid you not), talks non stop about how his ex left him for a friend with more money, talks non stop about money, talks about how a lot of single mothers in their 40s just want him for sex and then when I ask to see a pic of his ex (out of curiosity) he has this one on his phone with her posing on a bed in tacky lingerie trying to look sexy. Oh boy... Then at end of date as I'm making early exit he thinks date was great and asks me out again- I politely declined. Day 4 - local dinner date with preppy no kids guy. Had a very nice time and we got along well but I'm very wary now of preppy, professional 40 something men with short marriages who don't have kids. But he made me laugh. Day 5 - dinner with short, cute British guy. Had a very good time and he was easy to talk to although could have something to do with 3 glasses of wine I had lol. So 3 good dates in a week - and 3 potential 2nd dates as they asked me out again. 3 out of 5 isn't bad although don't think I've met anyone that's blown my socks off yet. But all in all a successful dating week and a good laugh! Sooo glad to be home the rest of the weekend.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Wheelerswife on April 02, 2016, 06:22:11 PM
Can you send some men to Kansas, CW?

Maureen
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on April 03, 2016, 11:21:54 AM
I have had two guys give me a days warning that they want to meet and I have to turn them down and they comment that I am way too busy.  Is this normal?

Nope - a man should be able to schedule something with a little notice, too, and not get bent out of shape when a busy woman says that's what he needs to do.  But do remember to counteroffer, not just turn them down, if you're interested.  That means having your own calendar in order.  "I'm pretty busy" is the leading signal for "not interested" these days.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on April 03, 2016, 03:52:32 PM
My new mentor Captain's wife.  ;D

Thanks everyone for your advise.  I am back chatting with a few fellows with even more open attitude and  will see what happens. 

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: kjs1989 on April 03, 2016, 05:16:45 PM
Wow, CW, I am exhausted for you! Sounds kind of fun, though. I'm pulling for #2. Keep us in the loop!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on April 03, 2016, 05:21:44 PM
CW it sounds as if too much is going on. When I was on a dating site (which I'm not now anymore), and I connected with one person, and wanted to see where it could go, obligating to rest of the week or month dates and meetings always got in the way. And people will sense that, and back off, and you could end up losing someone really nice. I don't know maybe it's just me, but it seems many just want to do this casual dating scene, which if that's what you want, is fine, but I always looked or needed something more. Any way, not judging, but good luck.

Also reiterating what someone else wrote. Never disclose where you work, or the spelling of your name to someone you don't really know. Intentions may be good but there is certainly a dark side to offering info to someone you have not met, or just have met. There are some shady people on anonymous internet sites. Caution is never a bad thing.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on April 03, 2016, 06:10:47 PM
Multi dating is tiring but also fun and dating one person at a time also doesn't work for me, unless we are in a committed relationship. I know my 3 dates I enjoyed this week are on other dates so I'm not about to wait around for any of them this early on and I want to explore my options. Plus after brutal break up I'm enjoying this casual dating a lot : ) Widower date did tell me that I was his "favorite" of the women he has corresponded with on Match so we shall see. I prioritized this date as I'd like to see what happens with him and we have our 2nd date this week. However, he isn't nearly as far out as I am so I am proceeding with caution. I'm hopeful but feel less urgency to meet a boyfriend vs my first round on match.com almost 2 years ago. Good luck to all - it's a jungle out there!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on April 03, 2016, 06:20:15 PM
Whether he's far out (sounds strange ), or not as far as being widowed sometimes has little bearing on whether someone's ready, or not, as I've experienced. I've met some women weeks and months out that were genuine and looking for someone nice, and others 10 years out, who I considered would never be ready. It's all a crapshoot.
Good wishes, to you !
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on April 03, 2016, 06:38:34 PM
I was always different maybe, in my thinking. Maybe it was from being with one person for so many years and not given the opportunity to "date". I wanted someone to spend every happy moment together, not wondering, and have them want.. To be with me. Agonizing every second we are not together. Anticipating the moments we are, together, without wondering, well is this person real. I had it once, probably won't find it again, but it's just a dream and perhaps, fantasy, I've always hoped for. Unfortunately, it starts with dating. Something I never really quite was able, to understand well.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on April 03, 2016, 06:45:59 PM
TalksToAngels, you can probably your one special person, but if you focus on one person at a time, there's a risk that you are measuring them for a permanent relationship.  That can send people scurrying.  Dating multiple people until something clicks and someone you want wants to go exclusive is one way to avoid that by deliberately keeping commitment off the table.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: kjs1989 on April 03, 2016, 07:39:21 PM
When I first started the online thing it was more about just meeting people, connecting, living life, and just getting off the corner of the sofa where I had sat practically catatonic for three months after D died.  I really think it is better to just keep your options open rather than immediately try to focus in on one person. I am still  friends with three guys I met online. We were not cut out for a love match but we did connect in other ways.  One gave my son a summer job and I helped him make some business connections, another ( an accountant) advised me on some business decisions, and another, a widower and coach, steered me through some really dark moments with thoughtful advice on helping my teenage sons through grief, and I, likewise, helped him with issues concerning his 12 year old daughter.

I did eventually find someone I felt I had the most common ground with from both a pragmatic (!) and a chemistry standpoint, and we have been together three years.

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on April 03, 2016, 11:32:15 PM

There is ALWAYS a risk. Have to make sure the benefit outweighs the risk.
Never marry / date a pretty woman / handsome guy.
Someone told me that. I should listen.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on April 04, 2016, 08:07:56 AM
All of my dates this week (3 of them - two 2nd dates, one 3rd date) are with men about my height (5' 8")- On the first dates I was taller than them (or at their height) as wearing work heels - does this mean I have to run out and buy kitten heels/flats for this weeks' dates ??? LOL
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Quixote on April 04, 2016, 10:13:50 AM

There is ALWAYS a risk. Have to make sure the benefit outweighs the risk.
Never marry / date a pretty woman / handsome guy.
Someone told me that. I should listen.

I dunno. I married a drop dead gorgeous woman.  And I'm what could be charitably referred to as "dork chic". Fortunately for me, love was blind. Worked out well for two decades.  It's not the face, it's the person.

That said, if someone is a complete narcissist about their looks, yeah, that's a negative-- just as if they go on about how awesome they are in other ways (as a rider, know it all horse girls bug the bejeezus out of me)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on April 04, 2016, 11:24:30 AM
Just when I thought I might take a break from dating  ... I have a date Friday.   :)  Not an online match. I'm looking forward to it.  We've been messaging off and on for a long time!

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TormentedTwoStep on April 04, 2016, 12:00:58 PM
Just make sure he's wearing a raincoat if you two decide to share one of those hugs that have been mentioned on another thread!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on April 04, 2016, 01:49:18 PM
Just make sure he's wearing a raincoat if you two decide to share one of those hugs that have been mentioned on another thread!

My plan is to keep my pants on.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on April 04, 2016, 03:00:50 PM
I'm getting very tired of picking a place to meet my dates. Don't men plan locations for dates anymore??
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Mrskro on April 04, 2016, 04:31:14 PM
haha Captains Wife....I'm not sure that counts as a legitimate dating vent when the rest of us can't get any.......

But seriously that would drive me crazy
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TormentedTwoStep on April 05, 2016, 06:23:38 AM
I'm getting very tired of picking a place to meet my dates. Don't men plan locations for dates anymore??

What the heck??? That's pretty lame on their part.  Not that I get many opportunities, but when considering asking a lady out I pay attention to what has been said during the communication phase-especially online-and pick someplace to meet that's in keeping with her interest.  Does she like to read?  A book store with a coffee nook.  Like to hike?  We have several parks in my areas with easy trails.  Farmer's Markets?  I'll show up with her favorite coffee (I've asked first) and we browse the stalls.  What's so tough about that fellas?

I've been chatting with two ladies online that seem like good prospects, and I'm trying to arrange dates this weekend.  Oddly, one is 11 years younger than me and the other 11 older.  They live in the same part of town.  Now that I think about it, they kinda look alike....did I just get in on a mother/daughter deal?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Portside on April 05, 2016, 08:38:29 AM
Now that I think about it, they kinda look alike....did I just get in on a mother/daughter deal?

You say that like it's a bad thing.  ;)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TormentedTwoStep on April 05, 2016, 08:55:09 AM
No, not at all Portside.  But should we click and decide to be polygamists, I just don't know that I want to be in a position to bring prune juice and pureed supper to the one, and maternity clothes, folic acid and prenatal
vitamins to the other.  I dunno.  Seems like it could be fun at first, but I'm thinking on down the road it might get weird.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TormentedTwoStep on April 05, 2016, 10:35:41 AM
Okay-it just got weird.  The mom half of the equation just told me she's been married 32 years.  Mom and daughter tag team?  Still weird for me, but I'm open minded  ;).  Dad in the pic?  Nope-I'm not one to swing that way, thank you.  If this keeps up, they'll wanna get Aunt Bertha and Uncle Frank involved in this mess.

One good, sane, has-her-crap-sorta-together, attractive and affectionate, emotionally available woman.  Seems like a short list.  I'm discovering it's a tough thing to find.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TormentedTwoStep on April 06, 2016, 07:13:32 AM
And we may have a clear front runner.  10 years younger than me, really cute, and tells me she has a "condition" with her lady bits (nothing catching) that requires therapy help from a partner. would I be willing to help her?  8) :-[ :-\
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on April 06, 2016, 07:52:05 AM
Ok - now that's odd. There is some odd things going out there in the dating world. I was texting with a guy I met on Match for a bit, we hadn't even talked on the phone and he was signing his texts "XOXO".

Um - not cool for me and too personal too early. NEXT !
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TormentedTwoStep on April 06, 2016, 08:28:03 AM
Uh-yeah.  I will admit to a flagrant mistake very early out.  In desperation and loneliness, I logged on to a site.  I didn't throw out any invites, messages or anything.  Long distance lady hits me up, we start flirting, I get sucked in.  We wind up on the phone every night for hours the next couple weeks, and agree to drive and meet up on the weekend.  I didn't care a wit about anything else to do with her, she was into me and I had a date.  We took off like teenagers, got caught up-all because of messaging and phone calls.  Then reality set in and we both moved on.  Lesson learned.

Now I know exactly where the brake pedal is and apply it judiciously.  And there are never any xoxo's in any correspondence.  I'm no longer one for premarital typing short hand  ;)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on April 06, 2016, 10:01:22 AM
I might be getting stalked by an online guy - he seems relentless and thinks on paper we are a great match. He copied and pasted my list from my profile (of things I thought men might like to know about me) and responded to each one individually.... I think he looks too good looking for me....I never trust "those" guys....
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Tweety76 on April 06, 2016, 10:11:00 AM
Now why is it, that when you turn someone down, they have to sucker punch you with inventive insults? Like, wow, thanks...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TormentedTwoStep on April 06, 2016, 11:58:53 AM
Now why is it, that when you turn someone down, they have to sucker punch you with inventive insults? Like, wow, thanks...

Thin skinned, insecure jerks that shouldn't be online if they can't take simple, non-personal rejection.  I don't understand these guys that try and convince you and wear you down until you say yes.  I don't want to be with anyone I have to work hard to convince-too much of a chance of heartbreak that way.

These guys need to grow into full grown men and realize she either feels a spark, or she doesn't.  His self worth shouldn't be shattered if a gal doesn't click a thumbs up.  Move on, dude-stop being a pathetic douchebag full of desperation.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on April 06, 2016, 12:50:39 PM
Now why is it, that when you turn someone down, they have to sucker punch you with inventive insults? Like, wow, thanks...

That's brutal. At least you are being honest and not ghosting on them. After a phone conversation with a guy recently, I could tell we had nothing in common so when he asked me out via text as follow up I wrote him a very polite email that I thought we weren't a good match for a few reasons but I enjoyed talking to him plus he had very handsome pics online. He wrote back that he really appreciated the response and it was classy and kind of me to respond and explain why. Now there's a gentleman....

Tweety - its not you, its them....Good for you for being honest.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on April 06, 2016, 02:45:03 PM
All sounds like wonderfully good times
: /
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TormentedTwoStep on April 06, 2016, 02:55:28 PM
And it's way more expensive than a bottle of hand lotion too.  I'll tell ya that!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on April 06, 2016, 04:12:59 PM
TTS if you are new to all this be prepared for a roller coaster ride and don't take it too seriously.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TormentedTwoStep on April 06, 2016, 04:47:34 PM
Thanks very much for the advice, TTA.  I'm not exactly new at this, but I'm not an old pro either.  But I have already encountered some unsettling weirdness.  Like the pre-op tranny with heavy stubble that hit me up-no joke. Sorry, dude. I don't date anyone that's packin' wangage. Past, present, or future!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on April 06, 2016, 05:14:19 PM
I think I'm done with the on line crazies again.

Finally chatted with someone that seemed real, not a widower engineer new to town! Conversation and banter was great over a couple days. When I suggested adding voices to our words and talking on the phone, he deletes his profile.

Another multiple cut and paste master would not let up and finally asked if I was shy. I replied no but I am not interested in multiple copy and paste messages. He replied that it worked and he finally got my attention. I reply yup he did but I still wasn't interested. Then he started calling me difficult and said I didn't know how to laugh. Well bud, you have no clue about me or how much I actually laugh! Block!

Another widower wanted to email off site after message one. I replied that I would love to email,  after a couple messages on site to get to know more about him. Poof!

Serioisly, it's just so frustrating.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on April 06, 2016, 07:53:46 PM
Online now talking to mr negativity .. Trying to get him to say one positive thing.. So far I'm failing. I'm bored , telling him he's not for me soon .. 😂😂
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on April 07, 2016, 08:20:35 AM
Hi, friends.

You know I shut down my online profiles months ago, but I've been here now and again reading and feeling for all the struggles, vents and frustrations so many are experiencing. I don't understand it, but believe me, been there, I get it, ugh. (Take my word, the light is brighter and the day is clearer without the "crazy" online stuff running in the background.) :)

While I don't have a vent or laugh to contribute this morning, I thought I would share a link to a new dating site I learned of recently. I haven't made a profile on this site, so I can't attest to how it works, the people there, etc, but I have been enjoying a lot of really good articles, from a mindful human perspective, about being single, online dating, relationships, knowing and healing yourself, and a broad range of on point topics. Something for everyone, and even if you don't agree with all that the writers' offer, certainly good points for thought, dialogue and conversation:

http://www.meetmindful.com/category/dating-single/

If you do make a profile and engage with others there, I'd love to hear your thoughts. When I get my dating mojo back and reinforce my protective armor, it was one site I thought I would venture to try, rather than jump back in the fray of the big sites like match, okc, pof, etc.

I also finished a book recently that I thought I'd mention as well (since we are the bunch looking to date, meet new good people, and hopefully find a special love connection at this unique stage in our lives).  It is called:  "In the Meantime" by Iyanla Vanzant. It is an older volume, published in 1998, so maybe check for a used copy or at your local library.  Whether you like her today or not, I liked her reflection of using this moment, the "in the meantime" between important relationships, as the perfect time to metaphorically clean house, to look at old patterns, heal and grow ourselves in important ways. What do we do in the meantime ... ready ourselves, be the best versions of ourselves to enter that next love relationship.  She uses a lot of examples of different couples to illustrate each level, so there is something for everyone to maybe see a bit of ourselves in each of them.  I'm sure there are a ton of other books like it, but something to learn from many sources.  Just like with each online interaction, with each text, phone call, coffee date or five dates in ...we learn something more about ourselves, peel away another layer of learning and healing, and understand better what works for us and what doesn't from a heart place of truth and honesty.

Wishing us all goodness and kindness today.
Chat soon, SunshineFL


Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on April 07, 2016, 01:13:24 PM
Hey SunshineFl,

Thanks for mentioning your impressions of meetmindful.com - I have been reading stuff from them for awhile as well, and some of the articles are good.  I have a limited profile there, and haven't paid them money; for me, the population density means there just are not a lot of people nearby on the site.  But it could be good for people nearer to or in cities.  Worth checking out, especially if you like yoga :-)

I hope you're well, it's good to hear from you!

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on April 07, 2016, 05:25:34 PM
Thanks SunshineFL.  There are some very good articles there.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on April 07, 2016, 07:00:17 PM
I think many of the vents are things that many of us have experienced.
The most aggravating to me seems to be you anticipate a nice meeting sit down whether dinner or coffee or drink whatever and within minutes start hearing about bad date and ex stories. This is was always the precursor for me, that the person was not near ready to meet or date. I think part of the problem is too many people on the sites are just wanting to meet too many people, with unrealistic expectations.
Thanks for the article SF I've previously seen these, wish there was a "dating after wid handbook".
That was realistic and informative. Unfortunately all the ones I've read seem way outdated.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on April 07, 2016, 09:20:42 PM
Thanks, Rob... nice to be heard from.  8)
Thanks for the insights into meetmindful. I was thinking the same thing about big city and more opportune demographics; true for a lot of the sites, I think (but also wondered if, perhaps, there might be less rude/crude behavior and less disappearing without a word?). How is your yoga practice going? There is a little chuckle somewhere in there about being "flexible" but I'll leave it on the table.  ;)

Momtokam, glad you are enjoying some of the articles, too.

TTA, I hear you. In fact, one of the articles that caught my attention on that site was entitled something like what are the two topics that you never talk about on a first date ... Reading the article revealed the answer to be: your past and your future. Staying focused on a getting to know who the person is that you are meeting today, their likes, interests, hobbies, etc. I've been on those meets also where the discussion went right to their past and I felt like I was their therapist. I should have learned to have a bill for therapy services ready at the end of the hour.  ;) lol

Be well, friends.
Chat soon.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on April 08, 2016, 02:14:33 PM
Love the articles SunshineFL. 

I think I have a date Saturday.  Have no clue what we are doing but I think we are going out for supper.   Trying to keep myself calm. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Mrskro on April 08, 2016, 03:34:09 PM
I just don't get it.   If you don't want to actual start a conversation why message someone.  Is it just me? 

him - hi  (I shouldn't have responded)
Me - hello, how are you today?
Him - ok, nice profile
me - thanks  (his says absolutely nothing about him)
him - yw
and then nothing.

Why bother???
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: 2ManyQuestions on April 08, 2016, 05:10:14 PM
Mrskro - Sorry but that is 2 funny....
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Portside on April 08, 2016, 07:16:49 PM
I just don't get it.   If you don't want to actual start a conversation why message someone.  Is it just me? 

him - hi  (I shouldn't have responded)
Me - hello, how are you today?
Him - ok, nice profile
me - thanks  (his says absolutely nothing about him)
him - yw
and then nothing.

Why bother???

Oh, it's annoying no doubt but could it be this guy is so damn shy that just saying 'hello' was a huge leap for him?

Possibly it's a jungle out there for him too.

Good luck, Mike
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on April 08, 2016, 09:06:55 PM
Mrskro... I've learned I always answer , then ask a question . It's like leading a child to talk... Sorry guys on here 😉
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on April 08, 2016, 10:58:35 PM
My date cancelled on me. He mentioned rescheduling. I told him I was available tomorrow, but he didn't text me back. I won't be contacting him.

I agree ... why bother?  Why ask to go out at all?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on April 08, 2016, 11:19:29 PM
To me Hi or Hey is the lamest excuse for an introduction.
Why bother, is right.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on April 09, 2016, 07:03:39 AM
I find starting and keeping a conversation going very difficult, but I agree you can tell right away when the conversation just never going to develop. 

Sorry about your date Virgo.  I have no particulars on my date tonight.  Not sure what to do about it?  Still early in the day, hopefully he lets me know.   
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on April 09, 2016, 01:49:12 PM
So much for the promise of spring!
Profiles hidden again. Just like the actual weather, spring has decided to be elusive so far!

Have fun tonight Needytoo!

I have a movie date with my minimal texter tonight.
Getting out will be good!

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TormentedTwoStep on April 09, 2016, 08:40:16 PM
Had a second "phone date" with a real promising prospect tonight.  All was really going good.  We were really clicking, better than I'd anticipated.  I was getting excited, and so was she.  Then she brought up having kids.  She's 10 years younger than me (don't judge) and raring to find a husband, bed him like mad and start a private ball team.  I'm not there.  That was a while back for me, didn't work out and I've moved through it.

She's on to a guy that wants babies outta the chute.  Oh well-I could always answer the 61 year old nurse that had three grandkids living with her.  I'm getting so hard up that something seems better than this continued nothing.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: tybec on April 09, 2016, 10:20:38 PM
Well, I started on line the super bowl weekend, and I have been seeing a man ever since.  I contacted him, we chatted for several nights, then phone, then face to face.  I like him, a lot.  I married the only guy I dated since age 14, 28 years together, my late husband.  Can lightening strike twice?  Crazy, we talk so much and get along.  It is complicated, and I had to stop being a crazy teen like person, waiting for a message or text.  But it is getting easier.  Others are contacting me now, and coupled friends are living vicariously through me.  Could it be?  Could this work?  IDK  Oy, this world is so strange, isn't it?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on April 10, 2016, 07:07:07 AM
Wow we all have been busy. My date texted me in the afternoon and we met for coffee and then went out for supper.  He is a little bit shorter than myself although he mentioned we are the same height. 

I am looking for someone that is a good communicator and enjoys life as well as some other things.   This guy could talk that is for sure. He loves his fishing, hunting and camping. It has been 8 months since his break up with his 23 year common law marriage. He talked about when he broke some vertebra in his back and other injuries, that was a little weird.

 He opened doors for me paid for dinner.  It was a nice evening.  Can't say there was any sparks flying and I didn't think there would be the first date. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on April 10, 2016, 07:39:47 AM
I was hesitant about date 2 with this guy I planned to go out with last night - let's call him preppy boating guy. We had a good first date but he had a short marriage and has no kids. I am cautious of perceived bachelor types. But I am resolved to keep my toes in the water. When I showed up I wasn't really attracted to him but as I talked to him more as the night went on he became more attractive (and it wasn't just the wine). Just so great to talk to and we had such good laughs. I also liked he wasn't afraid to ask questions/talk about my late husband - he remembered the story from the news. And I had been admiring his fish cuff links on our first date so he brought me a pair as a gift on our second date- how sweet is that! Just wanted to report some good dating news from my side for a change. There will be a 3rd date....
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on April 10, 2016, 10:42:53 AM
Oh well-I could always answer the 61 year old nurse that had three grandkids living with her.  I'm getting so hard up that something seems better than this continued nothing.

I asked my consort if he had had a lot of requirements when he first started dating again.  Oh, yes, a whole list!  Sooner or later, he joked, the list gets shorter and shorter, until
the only requirement left is "Someone who'll answer my ad."
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TormentedTwoStep on April 11, 2016, 10:20:32 AM
Date number three occurred yesterday.  We spent four hours together, talking at length about everything including widowhood.  She's local to me and we have some mutual friends.  I thought we'd really hit it off.  I felt some chemistry and was looking forward to another date.  Then she tells me she that I'm the first man she's been out with since her husband's passing almost three years ago.  She felt very confused, and didn't exactly feel released by him, or God to step outside her marriage (now over-til death do us part) and couldn't carry on a relationship, though she really enjoyed our time together.  Besides, she's thinking of packing up her house and moving to California where she'd initially met her husband.  That's a long way from our current locale in the Mid West.

I stopped and saw my folks on the way home.  They looked at me with this genuine glare of disappointment that I haven't been able to "move on" as it would look to them.  I left really dejected.  As I pulled up to my driveway, I couldn't bear the thought of walking through that front door one more time with no one on the other side to love.  Just as I've done everyday I've come home for the past two and a half years.  I couldn't help but envision my now ex-almost-Chapter 2 spending her Sunday evening with her new husband.  My fragile heart shattered into a million little shards all over again. 

I drove on past, found a bar and sat there for a good two hours watching basketball and starring at the two beers I'd ordered.  I don't like sports, I don't like basketball, and I don't drink alcohol.

After a couple of hours I put my payment on the bar beside the two beers, walked out and went to the house.  I walked through that solitary door into that solitary house and stood, a very broken, solitary man.

I'm afraid I've become so down hearted I can't be a good catch for anyone.  I'm afraid I've become stuck as the world moves on around me.  I have no single friends anymore.  The ones that were at one time are now coupled, engaged, or married.  We still talk, but no longer really relate in the realm of relationships.

Once again I'm a stranger in my own life, exhausted from all the "work" I've done on myself to improve and move forward, yet nothing changes-ever.  I don't know if I'm going to be able to keep this up. 

How's that for a dating vent?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on April 11, 2016, 11:46:20 AM
That is a great vent TormentedTwoStep, I sure would have enjoyed sitting there with you having a few drinks.  I too wish I had more single friends.

I received a text message from my date, he said his cousin doesn't  think we are a good match? 

I have to agree, if you take your advice from your cousin who I never met we are not a good match. 

One guy on Match made me his favorite so I checked his profile he is looking for slim woman. I do have pictures and pretty well see that I am not slim.  Was going to message him but why should I? 

Trying to keep my chin up but wow this is rough.  It kind of feels like unemployment where you have to keep going to interviews and keep that "positive" attitude. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on April 11, 2016, 01:11:55 PM
That is a proper vent TTS - sorry that this sucks so much. I know it does....

Needytoo - that is the lamest line EVER. NEXT !

While I have had some decent dates recently, I just cant feel that connected to anyone....and I feel like I have my guard up big time. I am having trouble trusting what ANY guy says as I've been burned twice post widow and the thought of getting to know someone all over again just seems exhausting (again!)
I took my dating profile down for a while as I have met a few men that I would like to get to know better. But unfortunately I think some of them are sensing my dating fatigue - I mistakenly told the nice guy I went out with last night that my heart just didn't feel in it (this dating round).

I don't know what happened exactly - I used to enjoy dating but for some reason it doesn't seem as fun this time around : (  Hoping for an attitude change soon !
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Mrskro on April 13, 2016, 11:30:38 AM
Alright all you online daters.   I have a question....I'm sure you've all been asked this before so here goes....
How do you answer "what are you looking for?"

I hate this question.   How do you say I'm looking to date....possibly find someone I'm compatible with .....without it coming off as "I want to get married right now!!"

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on April 13, 2016, 12:15:21 PM
This is what I wrote on my profile: I enjoy meeting new people yet my ultimate goal in online dating is to find my match for a long term relationship. Meeting the right person can take time - let's get to know each other and see where things go. So if someone asked me your question I would keep to that script. I'm not yet sure that my long term goal is to get remarried but I'm keeping it in mind - but don't feel it should be introduced so early in relationship discussions : )
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TormentedTwoStep on April 13, 2016, 01:06:18 PM
If I answered that question honestly, it would say something like this, "I'm looking for and impossibly gorgeous creature with near nymphomaniac tendencies that has the sex drive of an alley cat and the stamina of a Kenyan marathon runner.  And if you like to cook and have a great job making six figures, I will love you the rest of my days-like-for real.  I'm looking for someone that wants to let me make all my dreams come true."

But that's scary and somewhat disingenuous.  I don't ever say, "Just like my dead spouse." either.  Tends to scare them away.  So I wind up going with, "Someone that wants to seek out a life and a love uniquely it's own, whose heart and mind can grow and learn with mine.....and no one with needy 20 something criminal rat-bastard kids still at home."
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Wheelerswife on April 13, 2016, 02:06:45 PM
Someone who is willing to be real with me.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on April 13, 2016, 03:55:43 PM
If you find the person who fits that description you will be in competition with 2000 other local guys.
And then you'll probably find out also, that's she's married and seeing 5 other guys.
Lol gotta love reality.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on April 13, 2016, 08:24:06 PM
Someone "just like my dead spouse" will likely have trouble answering the ad.  Being deceased will likely make him very slow to respond...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on April 14, 2016, 07:24:11 AM
I love kissing etc as much as the next person but guys that get too aggressive physically and talk about sex too much too early puts me off (i.e. Date 3). Sigh - and I liked this guy (widower) but he is clearly out to play the field and just have fun. That's fine for him but not for me. NEXT.....
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TormentedTwoStep on April 14, 2016, 08:27:12 AM
Ugh....sorry CW.  I may talk about it playfully, or very casually if the subject comes up, but never from the stand point of "Hey-you know what we ought to do?"

This is grown ass real adult life.  He needs to go play with the 20 somethings.....
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on April 14, 2016, 09:58:04 AM
Thanks - I don't mind flirting, kissing early on but this guys actions were inappropriate I thought for a 3rd date. And it's too bad because the date went very well up to that point and then ended on a completely awkward note when it became clear I wasn't playing his games. Sigh- can't we ladies have a romance period for a while instead of instantly jumping into bed?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TormentedTwoStep on April 14, 2016, 10:11:00 AM
Though I tease and talk a good game around these parts, I completely agree.  I only want intimacy with someone I'm completely in love with.  I'm completely old fashioned and its simply my choice.  When I read on the dating profiles and the questions portion that some folks expect to sleep together after three to five dates, it's a huge turn off for me.  What can you possibly know of someone in that short a time?  Like I said, just me, but I want time to learn about one another, grown, romance and see if we can really connect.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on April 14, 2016, 11:22:41 AM
Oh and then he brings up the whole"did I feel guilty about messing around because I'm Catholic and I felt sinful?" (Which I'm not but what a weird thing to say!) ugh he seemed so nice at first : (
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Forgottenwife on April 14, 2016, 12:40:46 PM
Oh and then he brings up the whole"did I feel guilty about messing around because I'm Catholic and I felt sinful?" (Which I'm not but what a weird thing to say!) ugh he seemed so nice at first : (

What??? So is he saying you need a REASON to not want to fool around with him? That is how I am interpreting this statement. 'No' is all the reason you need.

And yes, we can have a romance period before jumping into bed. Its about finding someone who wants similar things.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TormentedTwoStep on April 14, 2016, 01:45:48 PM
Last I checked, no is a complete sentence that needs no qualifiers.  I hear it all the time when I ask someone out.  :-X  I take them at their word.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: sojourner on April 14, 2016, 06:41:18 PM
Thanks - I don't mind flirting, kissing early on but this guys actions were inappropriate I thought for a 3rd date. And it's too bad because the date went very well up to that point and then ended on a completely awkward note when it became clear I wasn't playing his games. Sigh- can't we ladies have a romance period for a while instead of instantly jumping into bed?
[/queote]

OK, I probably should stay away from this area as I'm still conflicted about dating- however, I'm feeling somebody needs to say this, so I'll do it, as I'm under the influence of pop music via teenagers.    ;D So, with thanks to Meghan Trainor and to paraphrase.... This guy needs to learn "....my name is NO, my sign is NO, my number is NO... You need to let it go!"

Full lyrics available on the internets!  ;D
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: kjs1989 on April 14, 2016, 08:16:32 PM
Captain's Wife,

Blech. I am with you on the early sex talk.  What the hell? If you're both on the same page, whatever, but you would think guys would be able to "read" a woman a bit and rein it in  if he is getting signals she is not on the same page. And he is a widower?? Double blech. You'd think he may have  bit more intuitive understanding than your average Joe.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on April 14, 2016, 10:01:07 PM
Even worse this widower didn't rein it in when I gave a clear signal that I wasn't heading down the path he wanted to go on. He just tried to get more aggressive about it - then said I bet you like it when guys get aggressive. Ugh! That's when it was time to go home!!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on April 15, 2016, 08:30:59 AM
Alright all you online daters.   I have a question....I'm sure you've all been asked this before so here goes....
How do you answer "what are you looking for?"

Somebody sane that I like enough to let myself fall in love with?

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: kjs1989 on April 15, 2016, 09:15:42 AM
Rob,

There must be lots of nutso women out there, too. I know NG talks about all the unstable women he encountered in the six years of dating after his divorce. Just as many flaky women as guys I guess. Such a drag.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on April 15, 2016, 11:03:34 AM
I have only met a few that were certifiable :-)  I've actually been pretty impressed by the women I have met, just not always their taste in men!

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on April 15, 2016, 12:14:44 PM
I hear you Rob - it's the match part that's the hardest. I love when dates show up early - my date did last night and ordered me a glass of white wine. Was a nice recovery from awful widower date.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on April 15, 2016, 08:08:32 PM
Thanks - I don't mind flirting, kissing early on but this guys actions were inappropriate I thought for a 3rd date. And it's too bad because the date went very well up to that point and then ended on a completely awkward note when it became clear I wasn't playing his games. Sigh- can't we ladies have a romance period for a while instead of instantly jumping into bed?
[/queote]

OK, I probably should stay away from this area as I'm still conflicted about dating- however, I'm feeling somebody needs to say this, so I'll do it, as I'm under the influence of pop music via teenagers.    ;D So, with thanks to Meghan Trainor and to paraphrase.... This guy needs to learn "....my name is NO, my sign is NO, my number is NO... You need to let it go!"

Full lyrics available on the internets!  ;D

"All my ladies, listen up
If that boy ain't giving up
Lick your lips and swing your hips
Girl all you gotta say is

My name is no
My sign is no
My number is no
You need to let it go......"

😊
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on April 20, 2016, 01:26:44 PM
Some guys obviously don't know when the date didn't go well. The late, pot smelling real estate guy contacted me and asked me out for another drink as he thought we got along well and he "felt something" when he hugged me goodbye. Funny

On a more positive note, I am giving big bonus points to cute Turkish engineer who asked me out for date 2 and agreed to go see My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 with me (chick flick). And he took charge and booked everything in one of those theaters with big leather seats that serves dinner and drinks. He said "I deserved it"...so maybe there is hope yet.  Which is good as I was starting to think about giving up.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: MrsDan on April 20, 2016, 02:09:41 PM
Some guys obviously don't know when the date didn't go well. The late, pot smelling real estate guy contacted me and asked me out for another drink as he thought we got along well and he "felt something" when he hugged me goodbye. Funny

On a more positive note, I am giving big bonus points to cute Turkish engineer who asked me out for date 2 and agreed to go see My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 with me (chick flick). And he took charge and booked everything in one of those theaters with big leather seats that serves dinner and drinks. He said "I deserved it"...so maybe there is hope yet.  Which is good as I was starting to think about giving up.

CW, I was talking about this with my boyfriend. I was talking about a date where all we talked about was our kids. It was a nice enough conversation, but I didn't detect any spark. The guys asked me for a second date anyway. My boyfriend said, "Well, you're gorgeous, so any guy's gonna give it a shot." (Yes, he is very sweet).  It's possible he did realize it, but liked you and figured it was worth a try.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: tybec on April 23, 2016, 07:18:59 AM
No expert here by any means.  I chose a Christian site, as that was important to me that at least folks SAID they were.  They all were not, of course.  I decided to lay it out straight.  If they had no interest,so be it.  Like a resume, lasts about 30 seconds, right?  I said I had loved long and well and life changed on a dime.  I noted I KNEW what a long lasting marriage was, as I had it, and was ready to pursue life with another.  I figured all my insecurities could not be worse than for folks who never had a successful long term marriage. So far, I am now with my guy two months, and planning the summer activities. Long distance, but doable, and he is special.  Lightening striking twice, maybe?  Having fun regardless....

Oh, and my playbook of rules has been thrown out the window.  AS NG said, major paradigm shift made.  I have great friends backing me up on my decisions, and that helps.  What a world we are in!  Never thought of all this ever.  ;-)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on April 24, 2016, 09:57:23 AM
On a more positive note, I am giving big bonus points to cute Turkish engineer who asked me out for date 2 and agreed to go see My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 with me (chick flick). And he took charge and booked everything in one of those theaters with big leather seats that serves dinner and drinks. He said "I deserved it"...so maybe there is hope yet.  Which is good as I was starting to think about giving up.

Engineers are pretty cool! 😊

Just make sure he is not a pipeline engineer that will go back to Turkey, on a big business trip, and ask you to courier him a new cell phone because you are the only one who can help him after he "loses" it. 😂
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on April 24, 2016, 04:24:03 PM
Pipeline engineers too funny. 

The online dating thing was very quiet for me till this week and now I have three of them chatting with me.

First guy is 60 years old and has already asked me out for coffee and to give me a ride on his Harley. He is flirting big time. Hate to judge age but 11 years older than me might be a problem. 

Second guy is looks kinda like that smaller guy off myth busters and is just as funny.  He already gave me his cell number.

Third guy didn't send me much of a message just his cell number and wants to meet me for coffee. 

I am not a fan of this chatting thing especially when we know some of them go poof. I am assuming maybe these guys feel the same way. Any advice?  I would really like to meet a someone sane, maybe a pipeline engineer.  ;)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on April 24, 2016, 06:20:25 PM
 8)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Missmybecky on April 25, 2016, 11:29:18 AM
I am a civil engineer and I do a lot of work on pipelines as I have said previously and this thread continues to crack me up!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on April 25, 2016, 12:03:35 PM
Funny ! Ok - so great date with cute Turkish (electrical) engineer on Friday. This was only date 2 although we have been in touch for a few weeks. He sent me a very straight forward text the following day about me hopefully becoming his girlfriend very soon. VERY sweet but much too fast for me right now. Is it bad that I am currently enjoying multi-dating now ?? It just feels comfortable for me after all the BS I have been through - the various guys know I am multi dating and nothing really that physical has transpired yet. I have just met some decent men recently but they are SOOO different so I want to take some time and I'm actually starting to get more comfortable being on my own and my last (failed) relationship is getting further and further in the rear view mirror (yeah !!)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Mrskro on April 26, 2016, 09:20:30 AM
Captains wife....NO it isn't bad that you are enjoying it!  You've been honestly they all know so take your time.  Enjoy yourself IMO
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on April 26, 2016, 04:07:11 PM
I responded to one guy that although I appreciated his email, I am not interested in meeting up now as I have dating fatigue (which I do for some reason). I thought that might deter him - but NOPE...he still wanted to go out. Funny....
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on April 26, 2016, 07:48:51 PM
Ok I'm tired of this , tired of online dating .. The guys who just stop messaging , or the ones who just want to talk and talk and don't ask me out, tired of talking about myself and explaining I'm a widow , explaining the reasons I stopped working until kids are out of high school. We all know nothing matters if there's no chemistry .. So ask to meet , coffee .. Just tired of searching , trying , I reach out , I wait for them .. I need a break .. You think ?? 😜
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on April 28, 2016, 08:39:40 AM
That does suck, lately I am having guys give me their cell numbers and want to meet right away.  I understand this, because this chatting thing and then them go poof, sucks!!  My problem is right now I am so dam busy that I can't even find time to go for a coffee so I need to clear some stuff off my calendar. 

What do you think about speed dating? 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on April 28, 2016, 09:20:52 AM
I tried to sign up for speed dating in Boston but it kept getting cancelled as enough men didn't sign up. I haven't heard a lot of success stories from speed dating but think it's a great idea. Sucess probably depends on timing and location....I say- why not?  : )
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Wheelerswife on April 28, 2016, 01:38:26 PM
I tried to sign up for speed dating in Boston but it kept getting cancelled as enough men didn't sign up. I haven't heard a lot of success stories from speed dating but think it's a great idea. Success probably depends on timing and location....I say- why not?  : )

CW, I had to laugh at this one.  Imagine speed dating in Western Kansas. Would anyone show up??  And the only place people speed around here is on the interstate....and our speed limit is already 75.

:D

Maureen
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on April 28, 2016, 02:47:00 PM
If speed dating didn't work well in Boston, it sure in heck not going to work in Northern Ontario but just for fun I just might call and ask them. 

Had a guy message me today, I read his profile.  He is looking for a girl 18-50 years of age.  Anyone else a little grossed out by that? 

Speaking of age difference I have been chatting with a guy for a week and he appears normal.  He is 11 years older than me.  Any opinions on that? 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Forgottenwife on April 28, 2016, 03:52:38 PM
Had a guy message me today, I read his profile.  He is looking for a girl 18-50 years of age. 

Haha well this thread says vents and laughs, this definitely gives me a laugh. They designed the block feature with this guy in mind, I learned to block these people right away.

11 years is no big deal in my opinion, but more importantly, what do you think? If you enjoy chatting with him and he seems interesting and fun, is 11 years a deal breaker for you? Its your opinion that really matters.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on April 28, 2016, 05:13:40 PM
Some guys age very well. I don't feel age is a negative factor.
Maybe because I've seen great couple many years age difference.
It's the person not their age.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on April 28, 2016, 05:24:25 PM
Ok, so I have a date Friday night. Messaged, texted and spoke on phone. I'm cautiously excited . I even asked him if he had teeth since I couldn't see them in his pictures.. Just needed no surprises . And asked if he was a serial killer . Boy am I jaded or what ?!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on April 28, 2016, 06:47:23 PM
Ok, so I have a date Friday night. Messaged, texted and spoke on phone. I'm cautiously excited . I even asked him if he had teeth since I couldn't see them in his pictures.. Just needed no surprises . And asked if he was a serial killer . Boy am I jaded or what ?!

Early Google chat between Flavor and me:

Flavor:  I can't chat long. I have a meeting at 7.

Me:  Meeting? What kind?

Flavor: You haven't Googled me, have you?

Me:  No *sigh* What is it? Antichrist?  Sex offender registry?

Flavor: Worse.  I'm a politician.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on April 28, 2016, 06:57:23 PM
Hey Momtojandj, you might be onto something there!  Maybe a checklist:

Please enter responses as truthfully as possible:

- Gender: __ Male __ Female __ Who's asking? __ Where's a Target, I need to pee
- Have you ever been a: __ serial killer __ politician __ pipeline engineer
- Are you in the armed forces?  __ Really?
- Have you ever visited __ Ghana __ Nigeria __ Turkey __ Sudan
  - Are you there now? __
- Are you missing: __ teeth __ hair __ an arm __ a leg __ a breast __ multiple parts __ Mr. Happy
- Do you take: __ Viagra __ Cialis __ Addyi
- Men: Insert penis pic into this toxic waste container >> <<
- Women: Flash boobs into your own NSFW container >> <<
- Do you text: __ well __ badly __ yearly __ monthly __ daily __ weekly __ hourly __ omgly
- Do you like: __ walks on the beach __ long talks
- How do you like children: __ OK __ can't stand yours __ can't stand my own __ boiled
Essay section: Write about why you're the right person:
Women:
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________

Men: _____________

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on April 28, 2016, 08:21:26 PM

- Are you missing:  __ Mr. Happy
- Do you take: __ Viagra __ Cialis


Now here is an interesting conversation starter!  😂😂😂😂😂
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on April 28, 2016, 08:28:41 PM

What do you think about speed dating? 

The one time I was booked to go I never made it.

I think it has way better possibilities than on line dating.

Not as many men sign up in our age range and I've heard they say yes to everyone to get a possible match. Don't know if it's true or not.

I say it's worth a try.
Even for a few laughs and potential stories to share on this thread! 😂
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Tatianakm on April 28, 2016, 10:02:43 PM
@RobFTC, that was really funny! Thanks, I needed it at the end of this trying day.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Portside on April 29, 2016, 06:19:48 AM
Speaking of age difference I have been chatting with a guy for a week and he appears normal.  He is 11 years older than me.  Any opinions on that?

Sure - What's the issue? I dated women between 20 years younger or older than me. I had a blast and I believe they did too. I learned at least one thing valuable about myself or of life from each one.

True beauty, grace, compassion and wisdom is timeless. To attempt to put an age limitation on it is a fool's errand.

Good luck and best wishes - Mike
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: tybec on April 29, 2016, 09:17:06 AM
As I am new to this world, maybe someone else may benefit from this tidbit.  I am in a small town, and the dating site required the town you live in. I gave my NG my first name, he knew my town I lived in, and then I told him my professional credentials.  He found me on LinkedIn from that.  He is former and retired Military in terrorist "stuff."And a former MP and officer.  So, he told me he looked me up to show HE was trustworthy and a "normal" guy with lots of security clearance over the many years. He told me I was very evasive for our chats, but having a child and where I live, etc, I did it on purpose.  BUt he still found me..... Doesn't take much, I guess.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: serpico on April 29, 2016, 10:05:37 AM
^^^ No, it really doesn't.  I guess, though, that I don't see it as a huge risk.  I mean, I know all about stranger danger and all, but I'm not sure what sort of harm could come of a person 'knowing who you are' based on a dating website.  If you have a date, they're probably going to know who you are anyway, and even if you don't end up having a date I don't think it's a big risk.

It's a double-edged sword.  We want to know all about our potential dates and we call it a 'red flag' if something they tell us doesn't match up with reality, but if we conceal our own identities we're really doing the same thing.

[Tybec, I'm not picking on you here, it's just that your post brought this to mind]
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: jeff1973 on April 29, 2016, 10:32:08 AM


Tybec,

I guess I would have no problem with a lady checking me out to  know that I'm legit and who I say I am.

In fact I encourage it for their own peace of mind because I have nothing to hide.

I'm not so comfortable of anyone saying they have or can learn everything about someone just to prove a point.

Can that be an indication of control issues somewhere down the road?  I don't know to be honest.

My guess is if a lady doesn't want me to know who she is or where she is then that is her choice.  If I want more then it's my choice to ask or to leave the relationship.  I will never do anything that would make someone uncomfortable.  It's not in me to do that.  To me sharing information is a mutual trust issue and should be treated as such.

Besides I'm too computer challenged to, " Know Stuff ". :-[

Love the Checklist Rob

Jeff1973

 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on April 29, 2016, 01:57:57 PM


Tybec,

I guess I would have no problem with a lady checking me out to  know that I'm legit and who I say I am.

In fact I encourage it for their own peace of mind because I have nothing to hide.

I'm not so comfortable of anyone saying they have or can learn everything about someone just to prove a point.

Can that be an indication of control issues somewhere down the road?  I don't know to be honest.

My guess is if a lady doesn't want me to know who she is or where she is then that is her choice.  If I want more then it's my choice to ask or to leave the relationship.  I will never do anything that would make someone uncomfortable.  It's not in me to do that.  To me sharing information is a mutual trust issue and should be treated as such.

Besides I'm too computer challenged to, " Know Stuff ". :-[

Love the Checklist Rob

Jeff1973

So well said, Jeff.  Mutual trust is so core to all relationships, especially at those initial stages of meeting and starting to get to know the other person. 

I think in this "quick to click" society, the social mores of online behavior are so blurred - or maybe just out the door all together, who knows? I know I'm in the minority, but I still like to have someone share their life's stories with me personally and let it unfold naturally - not show up at the first coffee meet and have them say to me, so I see you went to U.ofWherever ...or, I see you paid $XXX,XXX.00 for your house and I know where you live. Creepy, unsettling, not a way to build trust. But that is just me, who leans toward super-private online.

"So, he told me he looked me up to show HE was trustworthy and a "normal" guy with lots of security clearance over the many years. He told me I was very evasive for our chats, but having a child and where I live, etc, I did it on purpose.  BUt he still found me..... Doesn't take much, I guess." -tybec

I hear you tybec and, like Jeff, I don't find that a valid reason for all his sleuthing. It doesn't speak to his level of trustworthiness or "normalcy."  If he felt you were being evasive or holding back in your early chats, he could easily have asked you in person a kind and gentle question, wanting to learn more about you  - such as, I see you tend to be private. I'm interested in knowing where that is coming from.

I have been "off line" not dating for six months or so (I'll tell you, the days sure are brighter).  One of the last icky connections I made was with a man who, with my first name, profession and that I was widowed, was able to find my husband's obit, articles about his professional accomplishments, with that, my kids, abusive relatives who are no longer in our lives after my husband passed, where I was now living and the two houses I lived in previously and a bunch more that all made my skin crawl....and I'm not in a small town like you are, and this was all after just two days of texting, one phone conversation and before we had even met in person for lunch (where he had the nerve to say "I hope you didn't have as perfect a marriage and as perfect a life as it appears online, so I have a chance with you."). Any of those things would make a protective widowed momma run the other way...but, I'm guessing there are some women who might be fine with all that transparency early on. Not me. Bye-bye. Blocked.

I love information as much as the next person, but at what cost? Civility? Graciousness? Respect? Time and patience? Allowing trust to be earned and offered through actions, words and emotions?

When I was online dating, I did like it when a gentleman said to me early on that I was free to search online for him as he wanted me to know he was genuine and good and that I was safe with him. I appreciated that upfront gesture.

If I never make an online dating profile again, I guess that wonderful man who is out there looking for me is just going to have to be more creative in finding a way for us to meet. I'm staying hopeful, keeping my eyes open ... and my smile bright.  ;)

Be safe out there everyone - but do have fun.
We all deserve more fun and more laughs in the day, for sure.
Have a good weekend.
-SunshineFL

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on April 29, 2016, 03:09:17 PM
There was a post on FB (and I'm not a big fan), about how in 2 minutes someone can steal your identity and hack you, with just a phone number and first name.
VERY Scary. I only say to tybec I do think he overstepped his bounds with the security talk.
I dated a police person for a short while, and I know I was scrutinized.
It made me almost feel a bit violated.

Online has its ups and downs. To me, I don't do it, or play the silly games that seem the norm.
If anyone has seen my posts they know why. Most everyone I met had this notion that I wasn't over grieving and at a point maybe I could see why. But I bumbleeffed my mind thinking that they were somehow good people when in the end I felt I just was there to entertain.
Unfortunately I felt at my expense. Anyway I learned hopefully. I at one point never even again brought up my past, yet had to hear countless stories of abusive exes and bad dates. That was enough after awhile for me.
SF you will meet the right person on your time. And your own special way.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on April 29, 2016, 03:19:20 PM
Hey Gayle,

That is a creepy amount of information.  Maybe the issue is that we don't all know or agree where that 'creepy' barrier is anymore?  In this as well as several other areas?

I've searched a couple of times, mostly when my spider senses tingled for some reason.  One woman had told me about getting sick at one point, but had failed to mention that she'd lost both of her legs below the knee to it - I saw a feature on her in the local news later.  I could see that being hard to know how to talk about, but it made me wonder.  She seemed open when we talked about it, and so I saw her further.  Next there was the double standard she had, talking about how she hated her ex driving by her house and then later talking about walking to the park across from his house.  So finally, she had this consulting business, and it occurred to me to search for stuff about it.  Hmmm - at least a couple of customers had wound up getting stiffed, to hear them tell it.  Next!

To the Google generation, I would suggest that because you can doesn't mean you should, and that getting to know someone over time and learning at a more stately pace can be a pretty good deal.  If you get a good match, lots of good can happen.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: tybec on April 29, 2016, 04:30:14 PM
Well, glad that sparked some conversation.  NG stated he tends to be transparent as his MOA, versus evasive.  I didn't KNOW how evasive I had been, actually.  NEW to this, ya know.  My profession lead me to not want to be found easily, as I didn't want folks in my town seeing me and talking, but it probably has happened a bit.  I live next to a large army post, where LH worked, so I was familiar with some things. I practiced googling myself, and he was right.  3 simple things, first name, location and profession lead to linked in and then FB, too.  He gave me suggestions I could use to change that quick of a search.  I work with law enforcement, too, and they said it would be par for any person in the field to search. NG and I are having lots of fun, and I can't say the other men who contacted me were as direct, honest or gentlemanly as him, even in chatting, etc.  But good to hear different perspectives.  THANKS!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on April 29, 2016, 04:40:22 PM
I too scrutinize and search. It's very easy when you're computer literate. And of course we all want to know the agenda. I keep it to myself nobody really likes to know they're being googled, I would imagine. Sex predators that's fine, but don't look up what I had for dinner last week
; )
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on April 29, 2016, 06:37:09 PM
Glad you are enjoying your new budding relationship, tybec.

"...because you can doesn't mean you should, and that getting to know someone over time and learning at a more stately pace can be a pretty good deal. If you get a good match, lots of good can happen." - RobFTC

So true, I agree.
Patience is a lovely virtue; I hear good things come to those who wait.  ;)

"I keep it to myself nobody really likes to know they're being googled," -TTA

Yes, absolutely.
One might search online for a myriad of reasons, safety high among them, but need not lead with it in conversation straight away.

"SF, you will meet the right person on your time. And in your own special way." - TTA

Thank you, TTA - very sweet and so appreciated.  :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on April 29, 2016, 07:30:52 PM
So date I was supposed to have tonight, I finally texted at 7:30 for him to say he was still at work . ( he's an hour to home, then 30 minutes to meet me half way ) Told him we can meet another night, not thinking positive anymore about this one. Something seems off. Sigh .. I don't get it .. Go online to meet people, but it's all games . How old are we ?!?!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on April 29, 2016, 07:46:51 PM
What a bummer that he was so disrespectful to you, momtojandj.  You had firm plans for tonight and he couldn't find 2 minutes at some point in the afternoon to let you know he had to work late...at 7:30pm you are texting him??? Not cool. Sorry.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on April 29, 2016, 08:29:26 PM
\Something seems off. Sigh .. I don't get it .. Go online to meet people, but it's all games . How old are we ?!?!

Hi Momtojandj,

Good behaviour here would have him planning something definite with plenty of notice and no need to touch base on the day of the date unless it involved a hospital visit.  I'm sorry he didn't think so.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on May 01, 2016, 05:42:09 AM
So date I was supposed to have tonight, I finally texted at 7:30 for him to say he was still at work . ( he's an hour to home, then 30 minutes to meet me half way ) Told him we can meet another night, not thinking positive anymore about this one. Something seems off. Sigh .. I don't get it .. Go online to meet people, but it's all games . How old are we ?!?!
. Momtojandj - this type of dating behaviour totally pisses me off. We all have busy lives (and as single parents we do especially) so I expect other adults to be mindful of that. The fact he didn't reach out to you by that time is not respecting your time. I think better, other men are worthy of your time. I don't know why these crazy online games are played either but I also know there a lot of fish in the sea! Maybe throw him back : )
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on May 01, 2016, 04:17:45 PM
Throwing him would require useless energy.
Psychic senses says he will have an excuse.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on May 01, 2016, 04:31:40 PM
First guy is 60 years old and has already asked me out for coffee and to give me a ride on his Harley. He is flirting big time. Hate to judge age but 11 years older than me might be a problem. 

My mother was student teaching and went to visit a relative a couple towns away.  Relative owned  rooming house.  One of the tenants sent his six-year-old son down with the rent.  Landlady sent him back upstairs and told him to send his father down, she wanted him to meet somebody.  That's how my mother and dad met.

Fast forward a few weeks, and Mom is standing in front of the dean discussing her student teaching and planning for her graduation.  The dean asked if it was true she was engaged.  Mom said yes.  Was it true that he was a divorced man 10 years her senior, with a son?  Yes, it was.  The dean said, "Well, I guess he's old enough to know what he's doing." 

They were married 53 years, till he passed, so I guess he did.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on May 02, 2016, 11:01:19 AM
Had a drinks date on Sat that was perfectly pleasant (and had a good laugh so I am thankful) but I wonder why some guys seem to think we are so compatible when I don't see it at all ? On a more positive note, after date no. 4 with cute Turkish engineer yesterday (in which we both brought our young kids and it was such a lovely day in his neighborhood - he even made all of us lunch) I have firmly decided to hang up my "multi-dating" hat and will go exclusive with the Turk - eeek ! But seriously, he seems great (and he wants the same relationship status) so I am going to take a chance.  :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on May 02, 2016, 11:20:20 AM
Great news CW!!

Sorry about your Friday night Momtojandj.  It does seem very rude. 

I also had problems with guys googling me and then having their picture show up on my facebook of people I may know.  It does bother me, I wish I was invisible online.

 Online dating and trust is a hard one that is for sure.  Once I feel the person isn't a nut case I am trying to be more open, which in all honesty isn't really that open but whatever I say isn't a lie. 

Wonderful story nonesuch.

 Still chatting with this 60 year old fellow and mentioned that I am getting quotes for some renovations.  I thought it was a pretty innocent ice breaker.  He is giving me great advice and actually offered to come look at my windows because he use to be a contractor before his retirement.  Wasn't expecting that.  We still haven't met in person and I told him I would think about it.  My brain has no idea what is the correct thing to do.  I need to trust but I also don't want to be a chump.  Or what if I go with another contractor and he thinks I am an asshole?  Advise wise daters.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on May 07, 2016, 07:28:38 PM
Nuthin to do with dating - be very cautious doing business with a friend. You don't have to use him because you had coffee together, any more than you have to hire your sister's husband because he's "in the business."  If he's feeling he did you a favor, and you're not happy with the job, it's awkward.

 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs.....
Post by: Momtojandj on May 08, 2016, 09:24:54 AM
Ok.. Help me figure this out .. this is the second time I have received a friend request on Facebook  from a guy I spoke to online, but never met in person . Both guys we had just chatted , and after awhile if they don't ask me out I stop responding . Odd ! Why friend request me ? You didn't ask me out when you had your shot...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on May 08, 2016, 10:06:29 AM
Ok.. Help me figure this out .. this is the second time I have received a friend request on Facebook  from a guy I spoke to online, but never met in person . Both guys we had just chatted , and after awhile if they don't ask me out I stop responding . Odd ! Why friend request me ? You didn't ask me out when you had your shot...

Did they have your full name?
Sometimes even without a last name and just some other tidbits of info you can find a lot in a search. They have probably done a search and found you. Or, if you searched them, you could show up as people they might know.

In any case, if you haven't met, and they haven't asked you out, ignore the request. Even if you have met, it's not a valid reason to be friends on Facebook.

Safety over anything.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on May 08, 2016, 10:12:20 AM
So date I was supposed to have tonight, I finally texted at 7:30 for him to say he was still at work . ( he's an hour to home, then 30 minutes to meet me half way ) Told him we can meet another night, not thinking positive anymore about this one. Something seems off. Sigh .. I don't get it .. Go online to meet people, but it's all games . How old are we ?!?!

Next!!!

You deserve  more!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on May 08, 2016, 10:16:40 AM
Momtokam, neither knew my full name and I didn't know theirs , so I never searched for them on Facebook. One had my cell number , we texted but he never asked me out. Th other we only talked on the site . I wouldn't friend them , odd !
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on May 08, 2016, 10:25:59 AM
They must have done a little searching with what little they knew.

I've tried searches on myself with the minimal info I have given out in the past. It shocked me how much came up! I became much more careful after that. It didn't help that DH's death was very public.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on May 08, 2016, 12:04:42 PM
Maybe they did an image search on Google? did you use the same pictures from your Facebook page for your dating  profile?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on May 08, 2016, 12:33:24 PM
Maybe they did an image search on Google? did you use the same pictures from your Facebook page for your dating  profile?




I change my profile a lot. So not necessarily is it the same. But geez if guys have that much time to findme ? Lol
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on May 08, 2016, 05:04:26 PM
Part of dating site madness.
There is a link between the dating sites and email addresses which connect to FB.
Just like 3rd party "cookies" which enable businesses to view internet activity.
Not too much is private.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on May 09, 2016, 10:11:58 AM
You can tighten your Facebook profile.  I haven't gotten any weird requests since I have, not even ___sent you a friend request.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: widowat33 on May 09, 2016, 02:23:06 PM
So even though I was adamant that I would not pursue dating again..about a month ago I found myself on an online dating website. I'm not sure if it was loneliness, or just curiosity..
So I've been chatting with a few guys for the past month..I move very slowly,lol..
On Wednesday I have finally committed to meeting one in particular. We talked on the phone the other night..for six hours,lol. We've been texting, he took his profile down, I didn't ask why.. Anyways I've been very straight forward with him that I'm looking for friends, not necessarily a relationship, and he's really good about it. So we will see what happens...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on May 10, 2016, 08:46:07 PM
I so need a break again from online, so many fake people on there . One guy got mad because I said I wasn't interested since his profile said he smokes, he responds I don't smoke! Um ok.. Another one emailed me, then says where exactly is the town I live ( which is listed ) I tell him and he says too far.. Um you emailed me, look up the town first before emailing me.  Starting to think the chances of finding someone online is as good as winning the lottery . So discouraged :-(
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on May 11, 2016, 08:00:14 AM
Sorry Momtojandj - I have been there ! Online dating IS frustrating and I feel that many men don't have interests aligned with mine but pretend they do for physical reasons. And the ghosting just sucks....So I hope I can provide some words of encouragement. I was getting serious dating fatigue recently - had the ghosting issue, some crazy dates and I felt so frustrated and pissed off with the whole process. I felt burned by my last relationship as well.

I feel when it gets like this you should take a little time away from online and return when you feel you can stomach it again. Or try another site. Then come back to it with a sense of humor and open mind. And I know there are good men out there and we just need to weed through the "undesirables" to find them. Very unexpectedly, I ended up meeting (and am now dating) a guy I wasn't particularly taken with online but then we really clicked in person. And it happened when I was about to throw in the towel on dating generally as I was very discouraged....but I am glad I gave him a chance (as I ignored him at first and was actually kind of rude in my email as I was at that pissed off stage) and that he gave me a chance. Keep going when you are ready - but take a breather maybe and then return to it.....I wish you all the best - you deserve to find someone who will spoil you and treat you the way you SHOULD be treated.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on May 11, 2016, 09:04:49 AM
Dating sites are for dating.
I'm going to start a Relationship site.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on May 11, 2016, 02:33:45 PM
Thank you captainswife, needed to read that . ❤️
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on May 11, 2016, 05:44:57 PM
Thanks, TalksToAngels! That's what we need :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TalksToAngels on May 12, 2016, 03:12:33 AM
Of course !
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: tybec on May 13, 2016, 09:45:42 AM
I admit I am an odd one.  I met my LH the summer going into HS, and never dated anyone but him, married until he died. 

Well, started this online thing in Feb. and NG has professed his love to me now.  He knows I had one partner, ever, finds that  unbelievable and attractive, and when he told me it was a big responsibility to take on, I got insecure (& maybe PO'd) and told him I was a "Grown Ass Woman" and independent, and I chose to be with him, no pressure to "take me on".  He then asked if it would be okay to take on this responsibility because he wanted to do so.  (swoon) He wanted to only be with me and my son, package deal.  I have only chatted with him from on line, met him, been with him, not others.  Can't predict the future, of course, but so far it is amazing.  So, keep on keeping on.  The on line thing can make life pretty exciting!

This from the woman who said she would likely choose to be alone.....Never say never.....
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Mrskro on May 13, 2016, 09:51:41 AM
Tybec.   That's awesome  Congrats!   


It's nice to hear the stories where it works out!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on May 13, 2016, 10:14:55 AM
Thanks, Tybec -- you give me hope :) I started talking with a guy online and things seemed to have been going well. Suddenly yesterday, conversation went a bit cold. Now I know I can tend toward the paranoid (maybe he's got lots of work, other things going on...), but I am quite sad about it. I had hoped that we would be a good connection and it seemed to have been going that way. I am not giving up but guess I better take a few more cold showers and chill out  ;D
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: widowat33 on May 13, 2016, 02:11:15 PM
So I met with the guy on Wednesday, up until that point we had been chatting online, texting and having 5 hour long phone conversations..lol.
Everything  went well. We had coffee, went for a walk. It was really nice, and he seemed interested. I did mention before I was looking for friends only..he has barely texted me since..just the odd one here and there. I'm not sure what that means?! I wish now we had never met, we were cool before,lol.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Trying on May 13, 2016, 03:00:21 PM
widowat33, I don't have online dating experience to back up what I am thinking so take it for what it is.  I don't think most men are on an online dating site looking for a "friend".  Maybe with potential dates you can just say that you are new to dating and not sure what you are looking for but would like to get to know them and see where it goes. You are under no obligation to be physical with any date but most people date to see if there is an emotional and physical connection.

Dipping your toes in is very scary but can also be fun!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Portside on May 13, 2016, 10:48:02 PM

Everything  went well. We had coffee, went for a walk. It was really nice, and he seemed interested. I did mention before I was looking for friends only..he has barely texted me since..just the odd one here and there. I'm not sure what that means?!

I tend to agree with Trying that us guys are not normally looking for friends on a dating site. Not saying your date isn't just I've never known a guy to do that.

If he hasn't been in contact with you much since your date perhaps he has decided you really aren't his cup of tea. I know it's disappointing but that's what this 'getting to know you' period is all about.

Keep your chin up! There are lots of good guys out there.

Good luck - Mike
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on May 18, 2016, 06:51:09 AM
Thank nonesuch for your advise, I have to agree. 

Had a coffee date with the same guy and he was a no show.  He is apologized that he totally forgot.  Not sure if I totally believe it but giving him some slack.

Joined a group on facebook on women over 40 dating.  I have a problem with guys wanted to get together the same day and not giving me notice, then it looks like I am too busy and not approachable. Most of the people agree that you need some warning for a date and last second seems like a "booty call".  But there is this one person who thinks I am so horrible that I just don't drop everything when a man asks.  I am keeping myself calm with her.  Interesting experience, lots of different outlooks.

Now chatting with another guy and he seems human. Keeping my fingers crossed.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on May 18, 2016, 11:00:30 AM
All the best, Needytoo!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Mrskro on May 18, 2016, 11:42:15 AM
@ Needy

Quote
Now chatting with another guy and he seems human

This made me laugh,  I totally relate!

Good luck!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: widowat33 on May 21, 2016, 10:34:52 AM
I've been thinking about what I wrote and the replies. Of course they aren't going on a dating website to make friends..I'm not really sure what I was thinking,lol. We have been talking more lately, I think he wants more than I do. I think that's why it became awkward between us. I could never think of him as more than a friend, he just doesn't have the qualities I'm looking for, but he's still an awesome guy, just not for me!
I am meeting up with someone else tomorrow. We haven't established a friendship, just chatted a little..so maybe this time will be different? I'm going into this with more of an open mind this time.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on May 21, 2016, 10:55:42 AM
Good for you, Widowat33; as an aside, I was widowed the first time at 30, the second at 47 ... I wish you all the best as we take this journey!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Wheelerswife on May 21, 2016, 12:08:11 PM
Of course they aren't going on a dating website to make friends..I'm not really sure what I was thinking,lol.

I'm not sure this is entirely true.  I've been spending a little time on dating sites myself, more or less trying to figure out where I am in terms of readiness for a new relationship.  I have had a few conversations with nice men and I have met one in particular who lives fairly locally, and we have both realized that maybe the best thing right now is to have a new friend.  We have talked fairly openly since we started corresponding and we just put it out there...no chemistry, but we care about each others well-being and we like spending some time together.  So we have a new friendship, and for both of us, that is a good thing.

Maureen
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on May 27, 2016, 06:03:18 AM
I think I found out why that guy stood me up for our coffee date because he forgot.  Last night he messaged me that he isn't doing very well, his prosthetics are making it very hard to walk.  I don't want to sound like a shallow human being but is this something you should or shouldn't tell someone early when you are dating?   
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Portside on May 27, 2016, 09:14:31 AM
I think I found out why that guy stood me up for our coffee date because he forgot.  Last night he messaged me that he isn't doing very well, his prosthetics are making it very hard to walk.  I don't want to sound like a shallow human being but is this something you should or shouldn't tell someone early when you are dating?

I guess I belong to the camp that tends towards not sharing any physical limitations in an online profile or initial phone call/text. They will be evident when you first meet.

A date may not find that important or even noteworthy.

If you are unwilling to further your relationship with this guy due to him having a prosthetic limb, let him know immediately. However, if you liked most of the other aspects of himself that he shared, I urge you to  meet with him.

However - the fact that he forgot the date would signal, to me at least, a lack of consideration.

Good luck - Mike
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Wheelerswife on May 27, 2016, 10:22:06 AM
Personally, I think that disclosure of significant limitations is a matter of honesty. I know that I will eventually ask someone to take on my risks, but I will be up front about those that I know. I don't know just what I will be willing to risk or accommodate to in a new relationship, but we all deserve openness from the start. My first husband never walked a day in his life. He was a great guy. But...I don't know that I could take on that kind of risk again, knowingly. I don't think that makes me shallow.

Maureen
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on May 27, 2016, 10:53:39 AM
So I don't know if anyone has already posted this but I thought I would share. It's called Google reverse image search: https://ctrlq.org/google/images/

We're looking at and reading online profiles, but who knows if the images we see are for real, right? Just like there are services to find out about phone numbers and email addresses, this one gives you a way to search pictures. Just save one or more of the profile pics to your computer and then upload where indicated on the page. It will show you either similar or exact photos.

I posted earlier this month about a man who I met on a site that was just pushing all the right buttons; I used this search after considering (note, I did not act on it!) going to visit him. Come to find out, the reverse image search sent me to like three or four different LinkedIn profiles, each with slightly different names and related stories. I sent an email to him that read something like: 'So I think I told you I am into technology; anyway, one of my software algorithms returned multiple hits on your photos and I'll need to understand that before moving forward. If you're trying to maintain privacy, that's cool, but let's get on a video call to discuss.'

Can you hear the crickets?

No texts, no email response, nothing.

I'm sad, but relieved. As Steely Dan says in the song 'Babylon Sisters', love's not a game for me ... I'm not in this to hurt anyone or to get hurt. Be aware, my friends, and be safe!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on May 27, 2016, 12:10:13 PM
You are correct Portside, I do feel the online conversation should remain very light.  I messaged him and told mentioned that I feel bad that he is in pain and reminded him when he is feeling better we should attempt the coffee date again. Deep down I am thinking this relationship isn't going any further than being online. 

That is very unsettling arneal, good thing you went with your instincts on that one.  I have to say I think I received my official scammer copy and paste message.  Very long message and he went on and on how beautiful I am.  He is says he is a widow as well.  Didn't fall for it.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on May 27, 2016, 12:22:48 PM
Yes, Needytoo: I tend not to be very trusting but got sucked in a bit on this one. However, I learn quickly and thank God without too much collateral damage ...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on May 27, 2016, 05:27:16 PM
Googled a guy I had a date with other night, google says he's 55 not 50. Also can't find separate addresses for the ex wife and him . I did ask him today on phone if she lived close and he said yes. Hmm .. Not sure about this lol
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on May 27, 2016, 05:45:16 PM
Momto -- amazing, isn't it?  ::)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on May 28, 2016, 01:47:50 PM
Googled a guy I had a date with other night, google says he's 55 not 50. Also can't find separate addresses for the ex wife and him . I did ask him today on phone if she lived close and he said yes. Hmm .. Not sure about this lol
Yes - many men lie about their age to date younger women. I was dating a guy from Newport that lied about his age for months until I snuck a look at his drivers license and caught him red handed. So unnecessary.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on May 28, 2016, 02:03:57 PM
Agreed! The crazy part about it is that I know on my profiles I put in the age range I'm interested in. I've had some younger men or men who don't fit my interests as listed try to reach out and I'm like, 'did you not read anything?' lol
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on June 02, 2016, 09:20:44 PM
If anyone needs an online dating laugh today, here you go.
A screenshot of a message I received today. 

(https://goo.gl/photos/TBgXNT1Ec7fMTEzPA)

Okay, well, I tried to attach the screenshot here in a low resolution, but that didn't work. Here is the message exchange retyped:

Him: "Baby, your profile is too long to read. Men in this site want to see pics and easy women. You're too intellectual for them. And they get bored reading you. I think you should change dating site."

Me:  "Love the honesty. I completely agree. Please tell me where the "highly evolved and intelligent humans" meeting site is and I'll jump right on that."

Before I could delete it, he replied back with the word "Me" - ugh!

Seriously - does anyone know of the "highly evolved and intelligent humans" site?
Sign me up.  :-\

This came after another man who would send me "good morning" notes or a random "hope you have a good day" message for about 5 days, and when I added a little reply of "good morning, my OKC pen pal," he replied with asking me out to meet each other: "Would you like to meet for coffee."
I answered - would you like to tell me your name first?
OMG!  :o
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on June 02, 2016, 09:26:50 PM
Thank you for the laughs SunshineFL! 😂
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on June 02, 2016, 09:35:59 PM
  ;) We aim to please, @momtokam!  ;)
A little levity in the midst of the madness.

Okay, then, here is one more from today:

We both click on the "mutual likes" button.
Great.
He messages me a little note of introduction ...in short sound byte phrases, so OKC generates a separate email to my inbox for every single one of them! 15 all told!

Then he tells me his full name, that he is an interior designer with a showroom in my town and gives me the name of the company, tells me he is the CEO and he is sure I must have heard of them from their commercials.

Do people not check these things?  How long does it take to confirm online that information is completely false and there is no such company or interior designer here in Florida with that company name, or his name, etc. Blocked.

Okay, that one is more a vent than a laugh, but enjoy the madness nonetheless, friends!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on June 03, 2016, 09:40:21 PM
Do people not check these things?  How long does it take to confirm online that information is completely false and there is no such company or interior designer here in Florida with that company name, or his name, etc.
While checking the offerings one morning, a fellow popped up in the chat box, declaring he'd go anywhere for love.  Hmmm, his profile lists his residence as only 20 miles away.  My sister lives in that little town.This would be easy! "Where's a good place to get pizza in ----?"  He told me he had to take a phone call.  He came back.  "So, Googling pizza parlors in ---?" I asked.   

  He was gone by that evening.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on June 04, 2016, 10:09:10 AM
Ok, so I was chatting with a guy online , went ok then we talked on the phone , twice. Well his voice and the way he spoke about certain things just turned me off. In my gut said something was off , or just not for me. So I told him nicely today I wasn't meeting him. That didn't go well . Wasn't very nice about it. What was I supposed to do ? Still meet him ?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on June 04, 2016, 11:14:50 AM
Oh my goodness, sorry that happened to you, momtojandj.... no, you don't meet him and you don't apologize for your intuition. It turned out to be correct, didn't it - when he showed you how rude he could be and treat you not nicely. Always listen to that inner voice. In those moments, I always say to myself - "thank you for teaching me who you are."  Better early than later.

I once broke it off with a man I had just been on two or three dates with and he started to scream and curse at me on the phone - completely out of character from our in-person meetings, but I had an inner voice inside tell me he isn't good and not for me and to cut it off with him. So glad I did.  I didn't let the tirade continue either - nobody is allowed to be disrespectful of us, right? - and got off the phone after I said it isn't okay to speak to me like that.

You delete and block his number and block him from contacting you on the site, too. Ugh - why? You don't "owe" him anything more than the courtesy of telling him you didn't feel like meeting him, which you did.
Solidarity sister-friend.

And nonesuch, that was some pretty clever sleuthing on your part. Brave of you to call him out on it in the moment, too.


Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on June 04, 2016, 09:52:08 PM
What was I supposed to do ? Still meet him ?

Hell to the no - like I told someone recently, everyone has a cord to pull to get off at the next stop, and that should be respected.  Agreeing to an initial meeting is not a guarantee.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on June 05, 2016, 08:35:06 AM
I think you should count your blessing on that one Momtojandj. 

I have been continuing on getting advice from one lady online on how to date over 40.  She has some great advice and then some times she contradicts herself, but lets face it life is unpredictable and there is no magic formula to this online dating thing.  I am also reading Deeper Dating, so far really has nothing about dating but how to get in touch with yourself.

I have been having some other life issues this week and avoiding the whole online dating thing. The guy who has an amputated leg is still messaging me and I have no idea what to say to him.  I really like hiking and it might be something he can't do but I have been doing it by myself and really enjoying it so is it an issue? My brain can't decide.  He loves motorcycles and I am a bit terrified of them.  The other guy I have been chatting with decided to end it, he is chatting with another lady and he said it is serious.  Oh well.  Last night was back on there and do these guys actually read what they put in their profile.  I agree profile writing is difficult but when they just write they like the outdoors or when it is totally full of negatives it is very hard to strike up a conversation.   
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: StillWidowed on June 06, 2016, 11:13:33 AM
Speaking of prosthetic limbs....I had a girlfriend who was messaging a guy back and forth on the computer.  They decided to meet.  He had no arms.  When she told us this story I was in hysterics.  I'm sorry, but that's usually something you should tell someone before you meet.  Just sayin'.  Yes, I'm politically incorrect.  Don't send me hate mail.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on June 06, 2016, 11:53:44 AM
Needytoo -- I so was wondering the same thing! Is it that there are trolls who look for women (and men) who have 'widow' on their profile? Is it an automatic assumption that we are desperate? The best one was this guy who sent me a message: 'Are you here for a casual thing too? When are you coming to [named the state]?' -- honestly? No! I am not flying/driving to another state for a hook-up! My profile also states clearly that I am looking for friendship to hopefully lead to something serious. I wrote that I am not looking for a friends-with-benefits type deal. I am not interested in younger men. My profile is very clear about the age range I like, yet I get 'I want to meet you' messages from 27 year olds. My current top range is about 62; I get messages from 70 year olds. And (politically incorrect moment coming -- I'm with you, StillWidowed! ... please don't hate me!) the young ones look like babies while the older set ... thus far anyway ... look a too old and don't seem to have any common interests.

Interestingly, there is a story on the news right now about having realistic expectations about dating. This woman is talking about not getting lost in the fantasy of the thing and not getting swept off your feet. Where was she when I was getting chatted up by the Florida guy lol! I have had a couple of other fakers show up on my time line and I just ignore them when I find out.

On a positive note (so far), I found a guy near me about who I can check a bunch of the good boxes. We've had two dates (one lunch, one dinner) and I'm doing my best not to blow it  ;D
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on June 06, 2016, 09:09:40 PM
Adding to my week.. So mentioned guy going crazy when I said I didn't want to meet.  So today , I reopened by okcupid profile, just so that my friend could have me look for a guy she saw. Anyway , I was on all of five minutes , enough time for someone I messaged with months ago to spot me. He starts sending message after message , that I disappeared on him , that I'm a aloof and a player . Then says I don't want to meet you anymore, then keeps sending messages. I blocked and deleted the whole profile again. Is it a full moon ???
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on June 07, 2016, 06:47:35 PM
Hi Momtojandj,

I had a couple of successful messages with a woman, and agreed to a generic meeting, then got on the phone with her.  She was such. a. drag. complaining about her life - overeducated, not holding a job, kid problems - that after the call, I had this "wtf" moment.  I messaged her back that I didn't want to meet, and good luck.  Well, that uncorked an epic rant that I should go find and repost.  It's definitely one of those messages you don't want to delete from your account because they make good stories!  Message after message about how rotten I was, based on almost nothing other than stereotypes from my profile.  In a performance art kind of way, it was amazing.  I was glad I just didn't care at that point :-)

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on June 07, 2016, 06:56:23 PM
Wow, Rob! That is epic ...  :P
I had another phony reach out to me the other day: I liked his profile and within moments had a message; he asked if I wanted to connect with him off the site, gave me his email address, and indicated that he worked as a doctor for the UN. Yes, go ahead and laugh now. The email was a 'doctor.com' freebie address, his profile photo is on at least half a dozen websites with people of different names, and there is no one even remotely related to the UN with that name. Sad ...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Quixote on June 07, 2016, 07:20:32 PM
Not online, haven't made that move.  And I'm not really sure if it was supposed to be a date.  But I'm pretty sure I got dumped before it even happened. 

I know this horse trainer and playwright--  we'd go for rides together at the old barn, she'd loan me various horses that needed to be exercised.  Really well trained beasts.  Anyway, she's also a playwright and one of her plays was being performed down in San Diego.  She invites me to come see it with her and grab dinner after.

Anyway, I'm not entirely sure why, but two days prior she shoots me a quick text to tell me it's off.  I run into her at the barn and ask her if everything was okay with the run.  She gives me a quick "yes", pops a headset on then rides off.  Keep in mind, we usually would hang out several times a week.  I'm dim, but could tell something was up.  I try to send her a message via Facebook and discover she's unfriended me.

Best guess is kind of hard to explain if you're not into horses, but she's a big time natural horseman/bitless bridle evangelical.  And I just had changed trainers for one of my horses from another natural horsemanship trainer to a more traditional trainer.  It's the only thing I can think of.  Makes me sad, more because of the loss of a friend than the date.  And it was tough enough letting my last trainer go:  she was a friend, but just wasn't getting my mare to where she needed to be. 

Did I mention I just passed the 5 year mark since losing my wife?  Let's just say my willingness to deal with unnecessary social drama is pretty low this week. 

On the plus side, my landlady just brought a new little Icelandic mare onto property today.  So there's a new female in my life after all.  Horses, I understand.  People, not so much.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on June 07, 2016, 07:27:33 PM
Quixote - my first reaction is that your friend was very crummy in how she did all that. To unfriend on social media? Call off a get-together with no conversation? Giving the cold shoulder? Maybe something else is up that has nothing to do with you, but still.

Agreed - it's time out for unnecessary drama for all of us. Wishing you the best!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Quixote on June 07, 2016, 08:13:19 PM
Thanks. Yeah, I would have thought after a year of friendship, we could have a talk at least. I don't know if it's widowhood or just getting older, but I just don't have the desire to deal with interpersonal antics
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Tatianakm on June 08, 2016, 05:23:55 PM
I am only guessing here, Quixote, but perhaps this lady heard it through the grapevine that your were replacing the trainers, so for the fear of being also replaced, she beat you to it and hence the cold shoulder. 

Why don't you approach her and ask her kindly, but straightforwardly why there is such a sudden change of heart. Girls are complicated, temperamental and sometimes downright moody :-) But just like with the horses, you've got to be self-assured, but not arrogant. You've got this. Perhaps this friendship can be salvaged, or at the minimum you can clear the air and file it under lessons learned. Good luck.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Quixote on June 11, 2016, 12:41:33 PM
Oh, I hear you, T. But while I'm sad that I've probably lost a friend, I just don't have the emotional space for confrontation right now.  If she wants to talk, she will. If she doesn't, she won't.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on June 16, 2016, 04:31:32 PM
Was stood up again by one legged man.  Go ahead laugh, I am. 

Was chatting with this other guy that said he just moved to the area.  I noticed he was always showed that he was online.  I finally asked what he did for a living, he then fessed up he was unemployed.  Next.

This brings up a question. I have had a few guys ask what I do for a living. It does rub me wrong especially when they haven't even asked my name yet.  But then again it is a question that you ask people?  Any comments on this?  I just don't think I am asking the correct questions and waste so much time. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on June 17, 2016, 05:47:27 AM
I personally don't mind that question- whether asked of me or whether I ask the guys. (Although it might be nice to ask your name first- there is etiquette to this!) I was looking for a professional while dating so it was important to me- and the guys I dated probably wanted to know if I was financially self sufficient and maybe what my career said about me. Where I am put off is any salary related questions...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Quixote on June 17, 2016, 06:02:47 PM
Yeah, it might be just a "getting to know you" thing--  after all, work is a big part of most people's lives.

Epilogue to my drama.  I decided to text my friend about the whole Facebook thing.  She apologized for being juvenile, but then called my choice of trainers "reprehensible" and told me that she was trying to get her head around the fact that I seemed to be a good person, but did "that" to a horse I claimed to love.

"That", by the by, is having the horse train at a barn with the first American to earn an instructor rating from the British Horse Society, and has turned out several high level competitive eventing horses and riders.  But modern competitions require a bit, and bits are evil (and also used by 95% of the horse world).

For the record, after a month at the new barn, my horse is fitter, visibly less nervous, and to my eye happier.  I told her flat out--  if it's down to her or my horse, it's the horse every time.

Yeah...so, that attitude might explain why I haven't had a date in over two decades :D  Then again, my late wife was kinda nuts about animals, too.  We generally agreed on training methods, though.  Heck, it was something we'd do on a night out--  "Wanna go socialize the dog tonight?"
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on June 18, 2016, 07:04:51 PM
Quixote I think she might have a little bit of an ego problem.  I worked in vet medicine for over 20 years and wow did I see the "experts" in everything.  But there is that side of me which kinda understands her side, because as we know there is always two sides to a story.
Had a guy invite me over for a bonfire on his second sentence.  Just doesn't seem right.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on June 21, 2016, 03:35:59 PM
 :o  Hi, friends.
Just thought I'd add a little levity to everyone's day ... yes, this is my life.

So, with the turn of the summer season, hope sprang eternal again and, despite my clear declarations of "never again," I optimistically created a new account on OKC. "Okay, let the games begin," I joked while securing my suit of armor against potential rude, disrespectful and inappropriate advances and remaining hopeful that the good men will see their way through.

I posted earlier in this thread of the man who messaged me that I was too intelligent and soulful for the site, that men there were only looking for the "easy" women, and I sarcastically replied that I appreciated his honesty and asked for a link to the "highly evolved and intelligent" meeting site.

Earlier this month I enjoyed a nice online conversation with an educated, employed, age-appropriate, divorced, dad in my area. We took it to text, then enjoyed a nice phone conversation. The day after he texted a short "good morning," and I let him know how I enjoyed our phone conversation. He said he did as well and asked what my plans were that weekend. I replied that other than a planned family dinner on one evening, I was pretty open...."How about you?" I inquired.  Not taking the opening, he said he was just "chilling and relaxing and maybe going fishing one morning."

Two days later, I ask how fishing was. He answers that yes, it was a decent day and asked how mine was. I told him I made a few special memory legacy art quilt commissions for clients and he said, "Awesome."

Four days later, I hadn't heard from him, figured he really wasn't interested, but sent a short, friendly note asking how he was doing, mentioned he kinda disappeared, hope all is well, and no worries if he isn't interested in getting to know each other.  He texted back: "Good morning, I'm interested."  I haven't heard from him since.

A couple of weeks ago, I heard from a man who lives about 2 hours away apologizing for the rude man who messaged me about this site being for hookups and I was too intelligent to be there. He was so sweet, genuinely offended for me to have been exposed to that, and wrote elegantly.  I replied in kind, with appreciation and said he gave me hope anew.

Those two genuine gestures of humanity, led to a few nice written exchanges and then to two phone calls this week. I get the sense that he is a good man in a lot of ways, but it was during these initial phone calls, in real voices and kind conversation, that I learn that he is finally at a point where he can wish his ex-wife happiness, but she shouldn't be happier with another man than she was with him (it wasn't sarcasm, it breathed bitterness), that his older son doesn't speak to him (there could be many reasons for that, giving the benefit of the doubt), that he used to give his wife the "silent treatment" for years and is hoping that he doesn't repeat that in the future, and he felt that our second phone call in life was the perfect time to reveal the moment in his life of which he is most ashamed (a 4th grade childhood prank/bully moment against a special needs child, that he never confessed to, never apologized for even though he was in school with him through high school, has haunted him with guilt every day of his adult life and, in tears, said that he was ready to tell Jesus at the Pearly Gates the he wanted to see this boy first so he could apologize to him). 

My heart poured out for his pain....but he is so not truly ready to be in relationship; he has much more healing to do. I wished him well and he wished me the same.

Other than perhaps having made a new single friend in a local man who is an avid sailor, a graphic artist and is looking to expand his circle of friends outside of his sailing buddies and girls he meets on the beach, staying in touch via text with one man in Canada who seems interesting and we might meet up casually, as friends, when I visit Toronto at @momtokam 's bago at the end of next month (YAY...going to be so much fun!), and making an email introduction online to two friends who were both on OKC and both live in Chicago, it is time to take another break from the online for me.

I didn't count how many 20somethings and 30somethings hit me up for the hook-up (a lot), how many cut-and-paste scammers tried to get me off the site with their email solicitations (a bunch), and how many pipeline engineers who are about to come into a huge inheritance in Dubai if I just wire them some funds today  --- hahaha  ;) --- but, for me, best to disconnect from it before my "hopeful" fades or is scarred too deeply.

Everything in its right time, I guess.
Today isn't that day....but it is a sunshine great day in a ton of other grateful ways.
Staying hopeful.

Wishing everyone more luck than this go 'round I just had these few weeks.
Have fun!
Chat soon.


Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on June 21, 2016, 07:05:00 PM
Guy emails me and ask what's my favorite position .. Oo wait .. He did say I was gorgeous first lol. I asked him if that line really works and do girls really say .. Ok let's have sex ?  Ugh ..
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on June 21, 2016, 07:44:02 PM
Guy emails me and ask what's my favorite position .. Oo wait .. He did say I was gorgeous first lol. I asked him if that line really works and do girls really say .. Ok let's have sex ?  Ugh ..

Ugh is right, @momtojandj. :'( :'( :'(

Lots of guys approaching me the same way when absolutely nothing about my profile indicates that is what I'm looking for.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on June 21, 2016, 08:18:09 PM
Ok here's another fun fact.. I have gotten maybe 3 or 4 in last week email me, and not really my type and on top of that they live maybe 1-2 hours away . Now if I really was interested , maybe I would try. Since not my type , I say distance , too far. Well don't you know, all four try to convince me they don't mind driving to meet me . What the heck ! I can't get guys in my town to want to meet me, but guys a state over are ready to meet ? I give !
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on June 22, 2016, 08:15:33 AM
Ugh - what is wrong with some of these guys on these dating sites....

I thought this dating article was interesting....and have seen this myself

http://elitedaily.com/dating/benching-dating-trend-ghosting/1528137/
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on June 22, 2016, 10:09:08 AM
Ugh - what is wrong with some of these guys on these dating sites....

I thought this dating article was interesting....and have seen this myself

http://elitedaily.com/dating/benching-dating-trend-ghosting/1528137/

Wow @captainswife ... Great article! (Meaning honest, clear and so on point - not that the subject matter is uplifting in any way....more ughs.)

"...ghosting (and benching), the fact that I’m even comparing these two pathetic acts is simply proof of the unbelievably passive and dishonest dating culture we’re participating in.

"Honesty is the only real antidote, but since nobody’s willing to just say, “Hey, I’m not that into you,” or “If I’m being honest, there’s someone else I like a lot more,” we’re just getting more and more diseased as a dating culture.

"If you want to have a healthy dating life, don’t waste your time with anyone who’s not a “fuck yes.” You have better things to do than waste months or years in dating purgatory."

Love it!
So true.

Here is a link to one of the other really good articles linked in that article: 

http://nymag.com/betamale/2016/06/benching-ghosting.html
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: StillWidowed on June 22, 2016, 11:14:57 AM
And even if you think he's a "fuck yes" and he's not looking at you as a "fuck yes" then you need to move along in that situation too.  Men really are simple creatures.  If they're hungry, they eat.  If they're tired, they sleep.  If they're interested, they pursue.  If he's texting you and not asking you out, break off contact.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: serpico on June 22, 2016, 01:07:24 PM
And even if you think he's a "fuck yes" and he's not looking at you as a "fuck yes" then you need to move along in that situation too.  Men really are simple creatures.  If they're hungry, they eat.  If they're tired, they sleep.  If they're interested, they pursue.  If he's texting you and not asking you out, break off contact.

I guess you could save yourself some heartache this way, but it seems you could also me missing out with such rigid guidelines.  While some men (and women) are probably this cut and dried I don't think most are.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: StillWidowed on June 22, 2016, 01:19:26 PM
Missing out on what?  A man that isn't showing interest or asking you out?  Yep, I'll gladly miss out on that.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Portside on June 22, 2016, 01:36:36 PM
SW - I think Serpico was suggesting the benefit of dating a 'yes' in order to discover if he/she develops into a 'f*** yes'.

Mike
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: StillWidowed on June 22, 2016, 02:00:19 PM
I understand what you're saying Mike.  My point is that I see many women (my own girlfriends included and in fact one along the lines of this subject right now) that is very much into a guy and he's absolutely benching her.  To her he's a f*ck yes, but to him she's an option. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: serpico on June 22, 2016, 02:01:46 PM
Missing out on what?  A man that isn't showing interest or asking you out?  Yep, I'll gladly miss out on that.

Well, are you showing interest in asking him out?  If everyone used your strategy no one would ever ask first.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: StillWidowed on June 22, 2016, 02:23:28 PM
Most men, not all, want to do the pursuing.  So we're going to go with the majority right now.  If he's not pursuing a woman and asking her out, he's probably not interested or benching her for a rainy day.  We can keep going back and forth on this.  You have your opinion and I have mine. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on June 22, 2016, 04:57:46 PM
uuuhm....guys....do you like whwen a lady contacts you on the online sights or do you find that forward?
I suspect this has been asked before but we're kinda on the topic.

Gals do you do much of the contacting?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on June 22, 2016, 07:10:13 PM
Klim... I have on occasion contacted a guy , and it's never resulted in a date .
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: serpico on June 22, 2016, 08:38:20 PM
uuuhm....guys....do you like whwen a lady contacts you on the online sights or do you find that forward?

I haven't been online in quite awhile but I absolutely enjoyed getting contacted by ladies. Maybe some men are completely different than me but I would never consider it too forward.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Portside on June 22, 2016, 09:46:41 PM
I've been out of the dating scene for years now. But, when I was in the trenches, I very much enjoyed being asked out by women. I found it flattering. I never turned any one down. I did my share of asking also.

I found at 50+, most of the BS surrounding dating simply went away. It was scary at times but only because it had changed so much in 30 years. Maybe I was lucky - All the women I went out with were honest, decent, no drama type people. Certainly they were not all for me, but good gals each and every one.

Mike
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Mrskro on June 23, 2016, 07:29:00 AM
Klim;  I've also contacted guys online and it's never resulted in a date.   
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on June 23, 2016, 09:12:02 AM
Um - yeah, I agree with the above post.....I have never been that lucky asking guys out or even have them replying to me when I show I am interested. I have therefore tended to sit back and wait for them to contact me/ask me out. I honestly don't get it sometimes...Im not that bad lol (Guess guys that I like aren't interested in me....sigh....)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on June 23, 2016, 10:12:38 AM
Ditto here, mrskro, captainswife, stillwidowed and momtojandj.
Trying to be "modern" and "egalitarian" (and hearing from some men on here that they appreciate it when a woman reaches out to them) - I've initiated now and again with a friendly message. While it may result in a few messages being exchanged, it has never resulted in a date with a confident and caring man and, actually, on a few occasions, was even tossed back at me with a sarcastic - "well, remember, you contacted me first" as if to belittle me in some way.  No doubt an ego boost for him, as some have suggested here.  And some men, like captainswife mentioned, never even extend the courtesy of a reply.
Minefield.
(Just my personal experiences; not blanket statements or assumptions about anyone else's personal experiences.)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: kjs1989 on June 23, 2016, 11:31:57 AM
I have been reading these posts and found them interesting to say the least. I had a different experience in the  game of pursuit.

I have been with the guy I met online over three years now. I contacted him first. He was indeed flattered and took the pursuit from there. I wanted some control over the situation which led me to contact the guys I was interested in and thought I had the most in common with. It worked out by far better for me than the other way around.

Ya just never know.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on June 23, 2016, 11:59:19 AM
He was indeed flattered and took the pursuit from there.

Ya just never know.

^^^Right there, that is the key difference. 

He stepped up and pursued you from there, made you a priority, asked you out, showed his interest, aligned his words with his actions and continued to do so. So glad you shared that wonderful experience, @kjs1989 . Happy for you - and I'd say a three year relationship sounds wonderful.

Agreed - you just never know.  :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: azjane on June 23, 2016, 12:03:12 PM
I contacted my boyfriend first. I wasn't actually thinking we'd have much in common but I wanted to comment on one of the things in his profile that I found awesome (didmt expect to get a response, just wanted to compliment him) and hd took it from there.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: kjs1989 on June 23, 2016, 01:00:48 PM
I want to add that my modus operandi in regard to dating during widowhood pretty much matches what I have done my whole life and what I tell my daughter to do.

I have never been afraid to express initial interest. Every long-term relationship I ever had was the result of me throwing the first pitch. It just worked out that way. It may be the other way around for others. That chemistry feeling seems to be so rare for me that I did not want to let it pass me by if I felt it. If he caught the pitch, great. If not, I couldn't be bothered wasting my time and I accepted that it wasn't meant to be. I hate mixed signals. It sucks for my self esteem and makes me crazy. If a guy is interested, he will pursue, or at least give you very positive signs that he wants to know more about you. He won't be willy-nilly or flakey about it. I feel really strongly about that.

I guess the bottom line is, and what I tell my daughter, is go for the guy that likes you just a little bit more than you like him in the beginning, but for whom you feel a draw. It is nice to have the upper hand just a bit,  not to play games or wreak havoc with his feelings, but just to have time to figure out if there is potential. I have found that my feelings typically grow in these situations, and that my instinct and initial attraction is usually right.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: robunknown on June 23, 2016, 01:05:27 PM
I guess you could say I am a seasoned user of online dating now. As a man, my stats line up with what I have generally found online for a guy. Here is my experience. Men do most of the messaging, women do most of the sifting of emails.
I'll spend about 5 minutes writing an email to someone. It will only be 1-2 sentences. You don't need to be cleaver, if she's interested, she'll write back. I don't want someone writing back to me only because of a cleaver comment and then disappear after her one response (She was never interested in me anyways, and it just wastes my time):
- 81% of my messages go unanswered (80 messages sent)
- 15% turn into some kind of back and forth where she disappears when I propose a phone conversation or meeting
- 4% turn into actual dates

It's rare someone messages me. I'll get "likes" and "winks" that sometimes get me to write them an email. I have had only one woman contact me that ended up in a date.

My operating mode is that I don't do texting relationships. This weeds out a ton of people that are only looking for a pen pal, they disappear once you try to move it to a phone call or meet up. Within a couple of email exchanges I'll give her my number to call me to talk for a few minutes. If she calls I'll only talk for 10 minutes before I ask when she is available to go out. I'm ready with a time and place. If you waste all your conversation on emails or phone, you'll have zero to talk about when you meet up. If you tell her all about herself, that kills any curiosity she had about you.

I know people on here will say that they need more time talking to someone before they meet up. I've never had anyone say, "I'm not comfortable talking or meeting just yet", they just "poof" disappear.

This just has been my experience.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: StillWidowed on June 23, 2016, 01:47:51 PM
I'm with SunshineFL as well.  The key is that he pursued.  My point wasn't who did the asking out.  My point was....is he showing interest?  Is that interest then leading to the two of you actually going on a date?  Is he following up that date with communication?   Or is he doing the equivalent of a drive by text?

Dating is tough.  Throw in the loss of a spouse, and cripes O'Malley is it tough.  When you get that spidey sense that something is off, listen to your gut.  Too many times we want to give the benefit of the doubt.  I'm not saying hit the flush handle right away, but step back, pay attention, and let that person unfold without getting attached too soon.  Then if you need to, you can opt out with less damage to your heart.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Abitlost on June 23, 2016, 04:20:22 PM
I always had my profile in "private" mode I think it was called where no one could see me unless I contacted him first, so yes I made all the first moves. I had so many dates I can't even count.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on June 23, 2016, 05:05:59 PM

I do make contact with guys first and some guys make contact with me first.

Here's the funny part: when I pull up the" you made contact first" page with all the thumbnail pictures and compare it with the "they made contact first" page there's a few things I notice

1) people who want me are way older than the ones I want...by an average of 10 years....(and I'm not choosing young'ns, I do tend to choose  my own age).
2) the visuals are more pleasing on the page where I make first contact.....so I guess those profile pics are important.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on June 24, 2016, 10:35:14 AM
So I have to amend my answer, I actually have a date Sunday night with a guy I started contact with online . He then has asked me out, we have texted on phone . No phone call.. But that's ok . Public place . Funny thing is not sure he's really my type, but one of his pictures made me laugh and I sent more of a comment about it . So we shall see.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: tybec on June 24, 2016, 06:21:23 PM
Yeah to MomtoJandJ!

I had a few men contact me, getting on line first of Feb. 2016.  I swear they wanted a green card or were just lonely truckers.   A few contacted me and then ghosted when I replied.  :o Enter the NG.  I looked him up.  He had a soldiers' uniform on, in Iraq at one point.  I live next to one of the largest Army Posts, where my DH worked, too. So, I started with that, asking if he had been stationed there.  Turned out I missed the AF Officer uniform pic, so, no, but he still responded.  Told me he never would have looked at me due to the distance, out of his parameters, had I not contacted him first.   3 plus months, and we are together as a couple.  He jokes he was "plucked off the shelf" by me, likely an ego boost, but he changed his rules to see me  ;D.  So, there ya go... I got off line in March, too.  He is who he said he is, thankfully, based on the stories here.  Wow....
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on June 25, 2016, 12:56:19 PM
Klim... I have on occasion contacted a guy , and it's never resulted in a date .

Same here...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on June 25, 2016, 12:59:21 PM
So I have to amend my answer, I actually have a date Sunday night with a guy I started contact with online . He then has asked me out, we have texted on phone . No phone call.. But that's ok . Public place . Funny thing is not sure he's really my type, but one of his pictures made me laugh and I sent more of a comment about it . So we shall see.

Good luck! :-)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on June 26, 2016, 12:15:41 PM
Interesting conversation while I have been off living life ...

I think the flip side of "a good man will pursue" is that "a good woman will make it clear she likes him".  I have made most of the initial moves, but if I am getting mixed signals or a woman is reading "The Rules" and deciding to play hard to get, I will cut my losses.  There's a difference between a woman who's got a busy life but makes time for me, and a woman following a rule book, and a woman who's just not that interested.  I don't mind not interested, it happens every day, but it's best if that's apparent.  I understand and accept a lack of response, given what women get from some fools.

On the topic of women initiating, I have had that result in several dates, including a woman I had a nice time dating last summer.  For me, I am sometimes getting offers from Large Marge the cowgirl from Nebraska who looks rode hard and hung up wet, or someone else from pointlessly far away, and I don't want it to go anywhere.  Anyone initiating must remember it's still subject to the other person's selection criteria and not take rejection personally.  I'd say ask if you're comfortable, and you might get guys who like that and to heck with those who don't - could be a nice fool filter.  And it can give you some perspective about how smokin' low guys' response rates can be!

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on June 26, 2016, 04:34:14 PM
Update from the North.  I have no issue starting the conversation with a guy and a few of them have resulted in coffee dates.  Still getting messages from one legged man, he has stood me up twice thinking of blocking him. Still more of the guys asking what I do for a living before even asking my name but the mystery is solved thanks to my dental hygienist who has the scoop on everything.  According to her the guys in our area are sick and tired of the welfare Moms. Guess that makes sense.
Another guy messaged me last week to hang out in his second sentence. Honestly not sure how to take this but maybe I shouldn't be so critical.  That is the point isn't, to meet the person face to face.
Another interesting development, I belong to an online facebook for single ladies over 40. There are members from all over the world, wouldn't you know one of the members lives in the same town as me.  We both are going to go to the Speed Dating together, and the 45-55 group is the largest.  Go figure. The next Speed Dating even is July 23 and I can't wait. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Forgottenwife on June 27, 2016, 09:21:50 AM
he has stood me up twice thinking of blocking him.

I would block any man that stood me up - you can do so much better.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on June 27, 2016, 12:48:27 PM
Ok, date from last night changed to Tuesday night . So I will let you all know how that goes. However , chatted with another online seemed nice , pics good. Then he sends me a recent one thru my phone.. Um Ok , the pictures online are easy 10 years old based on his recent ! Geez... I hate online !
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Taurus on June 28, 2016, 11:06:46 PM
he has stood me up twice thinking of blocking him.

I would block any man that stood me up - you can do so much better.
He's got an excuse: he's only got one leg!!  ;D

...unless she meant he has one he doesn't walk on LOL!!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Taurus on June 28, 2016, 11:08:23 PM
Ok, date from last night changed to Tuesday night . So I will let you all know how that goes. However , chatted with another online seemed nice , pics good. Then he sends me a recent one thru my phone.. Um Ok , the pictures online are easy 10 years old based on his recent ! Geez... I hate online !

Doncha know cameras add 10 years on to the subjects...or is that kilograms??  :-\
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on June 29, 2016, 06:54:58 PM
So was supposed to have two dates this week.. One ghosted and other fizzled out.  I don't want to do this anymore . Make small talk , talk about myself to have them poof . It's tedious, I deleted the dating site I was on, went to try a new one and just don't want to !  I think I'm in need of a break , refocus .. Maybe I'm going about it wrong , I don't know anymore .
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: StillWidowed on June 30, 2016, 08:46:58 AM
I had a meet and greet last night.  When I showed up he was standing outside waiting for me.  When he smiled his teeth were as............yellow as the SUN!  Come one people!  Buy some Crest White Strips or something!  It's not that difficult!

End rant
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Mrskro on June 30, 2016, 11:01:21 AM
stillwidowed;

I'm with you, bad teeth is a deal breaker for me. 

:(
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on June 30, 2016, 12:26:51 PM
I have an issue with teeth too, if I can't see teeth in their pictures online.. I'm convinced they have none or are yellow... Lol
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Quixote on June 30, 2016, 01:36:43 PM
Or they're a vampire.  Seriously, don't date vampires. It's not like Twilight, you'll never get past the age difference and the fact that you'll never agree on a restaurant
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Portside on June 30, 2016, 07:09:35 PM
Or they're a vampire.  Seriously, don't date vampires. It's not like Twilight, you'll never get past the age difference and the fact that you'll never agree on a restaurant

Well, that and you won't be able to eat on a patio during the day. At least you will always be sure how he likes his steak.

Mike
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: 2ManyQuestions on July 01, 2016, 09:20:33 AM
:)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on July 03, 2016, 06:51:17 AM
Please tell me why guys ghost , and I'm not talking on the site .. I have seen that . I mean I've done it to, just lose interest or whatever. Three guys this week , got to the point I gave them my number . First set up date , then never heard back. Second one , actually sparked my interest .. Send me a video on my phone to show he was real .. Real teeth , was funny . He has texted for two days now, no mention of a date or meeting. Last one , texted a few days , I messaged him yesterday , no response.  I don't get this ... Isn't the point to meet ? How do you decide after a few texts , nah .???
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: robunknown on July 03, 2016, 09:07:49 AM
Momtojandj:
For one reason or another they are not interested enough, and you just need to remember it's not personal. They could be in a relationship with someone and it was convenient to talk to you at the time. That's why I don't really talk more than a few back and forths before I tell them if they have a few minutes to give me a call. Most people ghost me here, but they weren't actually looking for a date just a pen pal. When they actually call me, I already have a place picked out for a date (if they don't sound crazy) and I set the date within 10 minutes and get off the phone. This helps me weed out those people who, for some reason or another are not available to date me. This is done before I put any emotional time into this person.
Ghosting sucks.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on July 03, 2016, 11:31:02 AM
Robunknown...I try not to take it personal.. But I only give my number when I feel we have enough in commen, I state on my profile a few messages and then I'd like to meet . Just frustrating. Wish people would be honest !
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TofinoMan on July 03, 2016, 02:09:49 PM
In this day and age most online stuff is not serious at all.
A good friend of mine went online.
This guy is the total package.
Smart
Fun
Wealthy
Good looking
Fit

Well the women were creepy or not serious or drunks....he gave up.
I suggested an actual dating service, or ad in the newspapers.
Women who read the paper and write an actual email are a lot more serious than online flakes.
This lady wrote him, and they exchanged a few emails and then a few calls. Now they are together for months and very happy.
She is a sweetheart.
If in 20 years from now i ever want to find someone, online will be my last choice.
I would send smoke signals or stand on a street corner with a sign saying i am single if someone wants to date me....before i would be online dating.
I'm not an Internet type of guy.

I suggest calling an actual dating service and ads in newspapers under the personals....also joining clubs of things that you are interested in....maybe its a walking club, swim group, cooking, etc.

If i was going to date i would put ads in say 5 or 10 newspapers in and around my area for a few hundred miles.
Make a new email address just for the people to write to.

Hypothetically speaking mine would say something like;

Hello Ladies I am serious about finding love again if it exists.
I had it once and its the most wonderful feeling but she passed.
So now I look forward to maybe finding love a second time.
If you are a true lady, but also like adventure and laughing till you cry, are between 28 and 48 years young, little baggage, fit, can get your hands dirty,but clean up nice, who knows what the future holds.
Me, I am a the Father of an amazing 5 year old who is my greatest joy.
Self employed and own a few businesses.
I prefer small towns and quiet times, over huge cities and noisy places.
I'm often found fishing and boating or building stuff in my garage, if not working or hanging with my girl, or out for a motorcycle ride, or relaxing with a few friends.
What do i look like, well I am tall and muscular.
Average looking I guess.
I'm clean and tidy and shower at least twice a day.
I'm quick with a joke, and a damn fine cook to...so if we hit it off I'll make you your favorite meal with my very own hands sometime.
Interested?
Write me and include a few details at Greatguyintofino @ gmail.com

Or something like that.
And no that isn't my real email adress.

But online dating sites from all i hear are mostly for hook ups and flings.

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on July 04, 2016, 01:17:35 PM
Somehow I stopped getting notifications and missed some great posts ... glad I popped in to catch up!

So I started using the 'search google for this image' feature before I act interested in a profile. Sad to say how many photos are fakes -- it's not foolproof but it's a start. I've had a couple men send messages, asking me about what I do, how long I've been on the site, etc. The ones that kill me are the ones who don't match anything I'm looking for. Let's just waste each other's time, shall we? Lol. And the one from cross country I mentioned before? Vanished after I called him on the BS, but tried connecting with me on G+ one day about two weeks ago; had the nerve to say he'd gotten upset because I didn't believe what he said. Mind you, he never answered my questions about all the crap that appeared fake in his profile.

After that debacle, I decided to keep my options open for those who were not within driving distance, just because you never know. However, my 'focus' has been on connecting with someone who I could actually meet for a coffee or dinner. The one dude is supposedly about 40 miles away (still quite local for Southern California) and he texts me (I use a service called Sideline -- it's free and gives you a second number that can be called or texted so you don't have to give out your actual until you are ready) every once in a while to ask how I'm doing. I text back, then nothing. Then there was a guy who lived about the same distance but in the opposite direction. Seemed cool, but ghosted quick. I haven't bothered to text him.

I did meet a great guy from one site and we've gone out a few times. I really like him and am scared that I'll mess it up so I work hard to just be casual. I overthink it sometimes and just pray that it will get better. We are supposed to go to see fireworks together tonight and I've spent at least three days, trying to figure out what I am going to wear lol! And I will take a nap well before he's supposed to get to my house, just to chill out a bit :)

This whole dating thing is harder than I realized :(
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on July 04, 2016, 02:27:31 PM
@arneal .. So glad you have a guy your excited about. It's hard to play it cool ! Easy said than done, just try to enjoy it.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on July 04, 2016, 02:40:43 PM
Thank you, Momto :) I do enjoy every moment ... until I start worrying about something lol!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on July 04, 2016, 05:58:29 PM
Thank you, Momto :) I do enjoy every moment ... until I start worrying about something lol!




You sound like me! I worry too about everything.. I wish you the best and for both of us to figure out how to go with the flow ....
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Taurus on July 04, 2016, 10:17:28 PM
.. But I only give my number when I feel we have enough in common..

Maybe they perceive that you come across as too keen and that scares them away..not necessarily a bad thing since you wouldn't be interested in anyone who gets cold feet so easily!  8)

I have no experience with online dating, but sms and emails make it far too easy for people to say things they may not say face-to-face. It's not your fault...you're better off.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on July 05, 2016, 07:30:05 AM
Taurus, with the phone number , I don't volunteer it . Last two guys actually gave me their number first . However, it seems all games and trying to figure out what's right . I mistakenly assume when online , we are all in the same boat .. To meet someone.. LOL .. However lately it seems , I'm the only one online that thinks that !
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on July 05, 2016, 01:14:06 PM
Agreed, Momto ... I was able to get distracted by telephone calls and making sure the house looked decent before he got here. The evening was nice, and even though the food at the ballpark where we went to see the fireworks stunk, I think we both had a good time. We talk and text during the week and see each other on the weekends, which is cool. It's nice to connect.

I realized that I had no idea how to go about this dating business and decided to do some research; I read information from what seem to me to be good resources on the male-female connection in this new century. One thing that resonated with me was this point that we might feel like a certain person is 'the one', but until that manifests itself, we may want to keep open to conversations, maybe even coffee. That way, if it doesn't work out, we haven't been totally out of the game. Plus, by having other people to talk to, we don't seem stalkerish and desperate with that one person ... the idea is to develop friendships first, not throw it all out there, if you know what I mean :) To that end, I still check out the emails I get from the one online dating site I am active on. I am hoping to delete the profile one day soon ...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on July 05, 2016, 07:49:52 PM
So it  drives me crazy when I try and send a message to someone the same age as me and I get blocked by a message such as "Soulseeker only accept messages from females ages 24- 45" and he's 53.

And I mentioned before that I seem to get a lot of attention from older guys online.....like 10 years older.
And honestly I don't look old/act old.....no grey hair,I'm rockclimbing in my pics...so I don't get it

So now  to top this feeling off  I got picked up by an 80 year old at the park the other day!
Actually it was kinda cute(I think). They have a concert series in the park and went with a friend. lots of people were up dancing including a number of older folk ...the band was playing buddy holly,beatles that type of thing.....so at some point my friend and I decided to get up and join in. We're bopping around for one song and then the next one was "only you" by the platters.....so we and all the other singles exit the dance area. Next thing you know this elderly gentleman has followed me over to my picnic bench and asks me to dance. of course I couldn't refuse. During the dance I found out he was 80.  I think that's a record for me!!!
Thing can only go up from here!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Taurus on July 06, 2016, 02:54:17 AM
Good for you...and for the octogenarian  :D
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: fairlanegirl on July 06, 2016, 03:09:40 AM
So it  drives me crazy when I try and send a message to someone the same age as me and I get blocked by a message such as "Soulseeker only accept messages from females ages 24- 45" and he's 53.

I was fortunate to hook up with someone a similar age I knew before, and never went online, but I guess at least this is one way to sort the wheat from the chaff (ie the tossers with overinflated ideas of their own attractiveness :-) )
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on July 06, 2016, 07:00:04 AM
Been chatting with one guy who gave me his cell number and wanted me to text which was my intention on doing.  I really have stepped up my work outs doing classes at lunches and in the evening and by the time I get my chores done it is after 9 at night and I just don't feel like sitting there texting someone so I haven't.  Going to try texting today and see how it is goes. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on July 06, 2016, 11:31:38 AM
Yeah, crazy isn't it, klim? I had a guy check my profile and when I went to the site to see his, he'd blocked me. What is that? I've had young people (like, younger than my 30 year old) reach out as well as those above my age range. I have a wide age range (or so I thought), but it would be nice if some folks read the profile once in a while ...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TofinoMan on July 07, 2016, 11:50:36 PM
This whole ordeal sounds more like torture than it ever should be.

Doesn't anyone just meet someone else while out anymore?

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on July 09, 2016, 02:07:47 AM
I haven't tried online dating sites . Most of my connections have been made through friends or Facebook. I did step out if my comfort zone and contacted a guy first through Facebook. All of the others contacted me first. We messaged for almost 3 hours.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on July 09, 2016, 10:09:41 AM
Good for you, Virgo. Enjoy and be safe!
Tofino -- yes, the online thing is ... weird. Weirder than it should be, in my opinion. I'd like to meet someone in a more ordinary way, but tend toward being an introvert by nature (outside all the mayhem that widowhood can cause) so I don't go many places and my neighborhood isn't as neighborly as I'm used to, so this seems the best option.
On Facebook though, I've noticed I've been getting random friend requests from men who have no connection to me and who, after further investigation, have fake profiles. No matter where you are trying to meet people, be vigilant. I check phone numbers when people offer them quickly; if the area code is far away from the place they say they are from, I ask what's up. Some people say that they used to live in the place where the phone number is from (no problem there -- my son still has a Jersey # even though we've lived in CA for many years), but if I don't get any answer? Yeah, I start wondering what's up.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on July 09, 2016, 11:29:25 AM
Everyone I talk to on Facebook are my friends or suggested friends, so friends of my friends. The guy I messaged is a LEO. :) I agree with you Arneal, I don't accept friend requests from anyone I don't know. I always get a few when I change my profile picture...delete.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on July 09, 2016, 06:03:15 PM
Next thing you know this elderly gentleman has followed me over to my picnic bench and asks me to dance. of course I couldn't refuse. During the dance I found out he was 80.

You made that gentleman's day.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on July 12, 2016, 02:32:08 PM
So despite having a main interest who I met online (and who I have been out with), I still have my profile up on this one particular site. I gave my alternate number to a couple of guys and we have texted. I am slightly annoyed at their terms of endearment (sweetie, honey, dear) or the one's 'romantic' overtures (the other day he writes, 'I woke up thinking of the most beautiful person I know - you') because they don't know me. Just can't be satisfied lol!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on July 12, 2016, 04:34:02 PM
Loved your story Kilm.

Ghosting? What is up with that.  I did text one guy and we chatted back and forth and I thought we were going to make plans to meet, and then poof no response  I see he is online all the time too, am I suppose to keep messaging him?  I don't get it. 

One legged guy messaged me and I told him I think we are done.  Two coffee dates and he didn't show up for both. 

Another guy has messaged me twice asking me over to his place.  Not once has he even asked my name.  I am no expert but sounds like he wants a booty call or maybe he just doesn't know what the heck he is doing online.  We are having a local reunion party weekend in our area and I told him maybe I will see him there.  Hint hint there buddy I am giving you an opening.  His response was "have a great time".  Seriously, what the heck. 

Lastly this one is for the books.  I belong to this women over 40 dating support site. There are women from all over the world on it and wouldn't you know it there was a women from my area.  Online she seemed great so I suggested maybe we can try speed dating or going to single dances together.  We got together last weekend. Three hours she talked.  To keep it short the woman is a little off. Now because of my big mouth she is going to a concert this weekend with me.  Seriously, I am an idiot.

Arneal your message put a smile on my face, thanks sweetie. lol
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on July 12, 2016, 05:26:58 PM
Oh, Needy! I am so sorry to admit that I had to laugh about your 'sister friend' who you've now discovered is a bit off ... sigh.

On the booty call or fast moving folks, I am continually amazed. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned but despite the fact that I'd like to be close to a man, I'm not going to jump out there at the first thing breathing and who makes the suggestion. I had a phone conversation yesterday with the one guy I am texting (one of the 'babe, sweetie' fellows ... it's a good thing he's cute lol), who told me all about why he liked me and although he is aware that we don't live close and I am interested in connecting with someone nearby, he was willing to 'make it work' (huh? make what work? you don't know me!). I let him know that I am not much of a phone person to sit and chit chat, at which point he went on to tell me that he likes to talk and so I could listen. We laughed about it and then he said if things got too quiet, he would 'make me talk'. Again I say, huh? I told him that would probably be more difficult to do than to say and we laughed. I hope that he doesn't get too weird about it.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: imissdow on July 12, 2016, 08:31:52 PM
Haven't been online in months. Got tired of it decided to take a break. Honestly I don't miss it right now. It's a lot of work. My oldest sister now has a boyfriend that she met on match. He lives about 10 minutes from me , she's 2 hours away.  Go figure!  Meanwhile I have managed to book all but 1 weekend out of the next 8. I will say this for on-line dating. It allowed me to "meet" a large cross cut of society. I dated guys I would never meet in real life. Some were very intersting and fun and a few were boring. Then of course I met several who were just intrested in hooking up. It really made me broaden what I think I'm looking for and helped me relize  some of my deal breakers really aren't as big of a deal as I thought they were.  It also made me relize that as much as I say I want a serious committed relationship I really wasn't ready for one. I might go back online again at somepoint . Taking a break really for me has ended up being a good thing.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on July 13, 2016, 06:52:56 AM
I am glad that I made you laugh Arneal, and I have to add some more information just for your enjoyment.  The lady that I met she is a Sexologist and I got to here all the details.  :o

You are so correct imissdow this online dating is so hard, I try not to let it get to me but it is hard not to. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on July 13, 2016, 10:21:25 AM
Ha, Needy! I imagine there were quite a few 'too much information' moments during that conversation!

imissdow -- yes, online dating is like a job! Interviewing, vetting, second rounds, rejections on both sides. Whew!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on July 17, 2016, 06:51:34 PM
Haven't posted on this thread in quite a while - thought I would check in with friends here and see how you are all doing?

(Looks like I have a lot to catch up on, so instead of "quote" - I'll refer to post reply #s.)

Reply #572 @momtojandj - I hear you with the ghosting. Don't get it at all. I think it is just some weird "fun" for those not really desiring to make real connections.  How are things going with those guys you were texting with, by the way?  When you wrote: "Second one , actually sparked my interest .. Send me a video on my phone to show he was real.."   I know how great you are and always thinking the initial best of others, but that sentence "red flagged" for me - a guy sending a video to your phone seems even more "not real" or possibly hiding something. Be cautious, please.  That can be a video of anyone, anywhere, anytime. No modicum of effort to respectfully meet you in person....no thanks.

Reply #573 @robunknown - Loved, loved, loved your approach to making the online connection with women and setting up a meeting after an actual phone conversation. Confident, smart, effective, well-planned and thoughtful. How are things going by you?

Reply #575 @TofinoMan - You are too early out for me to be lighthearted about dating and such with you (that is a personal refection of mine in caring for your recently and deeply wounded heart right now, not a comment at all about whenever the time will be right for you to date) .... that all said, I think that lovely post of yours sent a ripple effect of some smiles and some swooning around the globe to many who read it.  Hope you are doing well this week. Sending good thoughts all the way up by you in BC.

Reply #576 @arneal - This post and several of your others made me smile at your strength and approach to this online dating madness. I love how you are being brave and also checking yourself with "reality checks" here and there. So, how are things with this gentleman you have been enjoying. So nice to hear and so deserved.

Reply #583 @klim - So brave and optimistic of you to reach out seeking new healthy connections with new people. I know your recent breakup was hard on you, but you seem, from what you are posting that you have such a healing approach and know yourself well. Have you been able to dodge the randy octogenarians  :o and gone out on any dates with those more in an age range that you are comfortable with?  How are things going?  I hope well.

Reply #586 @needytoo - Did you get in contact with the texter you were mentioning? I don't think you need to feel badly about not wanting to get into lengthy texting chats with people you don't know. Maybe finding a mutually convenient time to chat on the phone, set a date to meet and use text for convenience later after you know each other. I was just wondering. I know it was a while ago. How are you doing?

Reply #569 @imissdow - " I might go back online again at some point . Taking a break really for me has ended up being a good thing."  Me, too. Well said - I'm with you there ... but if my "beshert" happens to introduce himself to me in real time, I'm paying attention (and would love that)!  ;)

I hope I didn't leave out any recent posters - if so, please just join in - was just a quick snapshot of posts I missed and thought I'd stop in and say hi. I don't have any real vents or laughs to contribute - been focusing on new directions in my work and enjoying the summer and starting to plan another move, so let's call that "good busy."  8)

Looking forward to all the check-in posts; here to support and encourage each other and share more love in the world - we all (and the world) truly need it.
Chat soon, friends.





Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on July 17, 2016, 07:00:37 PM
Sunshine , thanks for the kind words .. He just stopped texting . Now that I think about it , maybe the video was weird and he sent them to many girls.. No clue why ? I've stopped trying to figure this all out . 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on July 17, 2016, 08:38:47 PM
Hey, Sunshine! Sounds like some good things are happening for you. Funny -- I think the first guy I 'connected' with tried to reconnect on one of the sites today. He's a scammer and the profile was quickly deleted by the admin's. I have a couple of people I am friendly texting with ... wondering if I'll have to kick them to the curb since (I may have mentioned) they get friendly quick with the 'honey' and 'babe' tossed into the conversation. One dude is the poetry master -- must have one of those love poem sites bookmarked on his phone as he's sent me a couple. I mention the author and say it's nice, just so he doesn't think I'm over here swooning.

As far as my 'met in person' person, we've been getting together pretty regularly on the weekends, except for this one. He works crazy hours (confirmed ... he has on-call times as a technician and I've witnessed what that looks like) so I tend to maybe send a text during the early part of the week and another toward the end and we talk to confirm the plan. He's come over and I've cooked dinner, we went to see fireworks on the 4th, we've gone to the movies and out to dinner ... but he fell off the earth this weekend. Last texts were Friday after he worked an extra long day with a suggestion to get together yesterday (Saturday) but I didn't hear from him at all. I tried to reach him today but had to leave a message. Only did that because a two or three weeks ago, he called me on a Thursday and was concerned about not hearing from me; turns out he hadn't received my texts at the beginning of the week. So, will leave it go and see what happens next.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on July 18, 2016, 09:08:44 AM
Hi Sunshine FL, I did texted that one guy.  It went back and forth and stopped at my last text.  I can see when he goes online but I haven't received any messages back.  Guess that one stopped before it started.  Not sure what I did wrong? 

Thanks for asking how I am doing, I can't remember how long someone actually asked that question to me. My weekend kind of sucked to be honest. On Sunday I thought I had enough and sent out some more messages to guys and chatting with a few right now.  I really want to be done with all this solo stuff. 

How are you? 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: MrsDan on July 18, 2016, 09:10:21 AM
The premature terms of endearment were a total deal breaker for me. BF and I didn't even start using them until we had been serious a few months. To me, there is something so presumptuous about it. I mean, the two most important men in my life, my husband and my father (this was before my boyfriend, now he's the third) used them, and I used to think, what makes you think you are on par with them? It has to be earned, the right to use them, in my opinion.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on July 18, 2016, 11:00:17 AM
The premature terms of endearment ... [have] to be earned, the right to use them, in my opinion.

Amen @MrsDan....and makes them that much more precious in a way that sets off the intimacy you each share from the rest of the world. If they are tossed about "willy nilly" like that to every women they chat with, they are meaningless - IMHO.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on July 18, 2016, 11:05:34 AM
Sunshine , thanks for the kind words ..  I've stopped trying to figure this all out .

You are welcome. 

Great first step to being "present" with the whole process and in the moment @momtojandj . What I mean is that it really isn't on us to "understand" the actions/inactions of the one on the other side of the screen so early in the initial "meet" - but more to know our true selves, what feels like self-respect and dignity for ourselves and to communicate in the best way we know how. The rest should flow from there - she typed caringly and theoretically speaking, of course.  ::)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on July 18, 2016, 11:20:21 AM
Hey, Sunshine!

... He's a scammer and the profile was quickly deleted by the admin's.

... they get friendly quick with the 'honey' and 'babe' tossed into the conversation.

...One dude is the poetry master.

...As far as my 'met in person' person,
... but I didn't hear from him at all. I tried to reach him today but had to leave a message
... turns out he hadn't received my texts at the beginning of the week. So, will leave it go and see what happens next.

Hi @arneal! Great reading your update, too.
You're a sharp cookie, my friend.  :D

ID'ing the scammers, calling out the plagiarizers and the false terms-of-endearment ones - well done.

Last year, a man who said he was an architect, environmentalist and into Zen meditation wrote what I thought was one of the most insightful, heartfelt profiles of how to cherish and honor women. It read like a modern poem. I wrote to him and we exchanged a few nice messages, but something felt off. I searched a few lines of his profile and - sure 'nuf - it was a well-published poem written by an author, poet and artist. When I calmly mentioned it to him in a written note - noting that it would have been no issue if he had credited the author and letting the women reading his profile know that she mirrored his sentiments exactly, rather than creating the appearance that these were his words .... he got belligerent and started slinging words back at me harshly. So much for the Zen meditation and lovingkindness.

And, my sense about your in person guy, it is sort of rare to "miss texts" etc and, just from the way you wrote things out, sounds like you may be initiating contact and connection more often rather than either balanced communication or him also initiating times to talk to and make plans to see you. Perhaps mention that to him in a kind question next time he reaches out.

In the meantime, whether true or not, you sound like you do a great job of keeping busy and not letting the process overwhelm or overtake you. Keep us posted. Wishing you all the best on the journey.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on July 18, 2016, 11:37:46 AM
Hi Sunshine FL,

I did text that one guy.  ...  Not sure what I did wrong? 

Thanks for asking how I am doing, I can't remember how long someone actually asked that question to me. My weekend kind of sucked to be honest. On Sunday I thought I had enough and sent out some more messages to guys and chatting with a few right now.  I really want to be done with all this solo stuff. 

How are you?

Hi @Needytoo - oh goodness, I'm so glad I asked, really.
Glad you wrote back with an update and stayed connected.

Of course I wasn't a part of your text conversations with that man, but like I mentioned to @momtojandj in Reply #605 , and like @robunknown mentioned a few posts up - you likely didn't do anything "wrong" on the "right and wrong" spectrum. It just is. We don't know anything about his real motivation to be online, whether his intention is to make one true connection and build it to a relationship or just be on there clicking about - or any number of variations in between. Just let it go with the wind, if you can.

And, as to feeling isolated and quiet for a bit of time, I just read this quote on my Instagram feed, and thought I'd share it with you:

"A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that the next time you feel alone." - Mandy Hale / @thinkgrowprosper

Great that you opened up new options by messaging a few potentials. You just never know, right? It just takes one - in its right time.

I'm doing really well, thanks for asking.
Lots of imminent changes in the coming weeks for me (change is the only true constant, right?  ;) ), so I'm just loving that it is summertime slowdown right now and grateful that things, health, life, my kids and more are good. Stay in touch. Chat more soon.  8)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on July 18, 2016, 02:04:11 PM
Yes, Needy -- so good to see you! And no, you did absolutely nothing wrong. I had a guy message me a while ago. We texted for about a day or two and then he ghosted. Whatever. I don't have time for that. Had a guy send me the online dating equivalent of 20 questions yesterday or day before ... his last questions were about what I did for a living and when I told him, he then asked me if I liked what I did. My response: 'Of course -- if I didn't, I wouldn't be in debt trying to make it work' (closed with a nice smiley face and lol). He disappeared. Again, whatever. Don't try to get all up in my business and get judgmental ... it'll make me think that when you saw 'widow' you also saw dollar signs. I work in education, so I'll most likely be cash-poor until after I die ...

Sunshine -- can't remember if it was on this thread or another, but I mentioned reading a bit about zodiac sign traits. Again, I don't read horror-scopes (lol) or any of that muck, but from the psychological perspective, I am interested in how much like our star signs we are. I see a lot of Aquarius in me, so when I found out he was a Cancer, I had to go research. It seems that our star signs are not naturally compatible but with work can be a dynamic duo. That was good news :) In reality, I see that his communication style and mine tend to be different, which is okay too. We're in the learning stage, right? Got a text this morning; he said he went off grid for the weekend and he'll ring me tonight. I can understand that; I live by my own schedule and can happily not deal with people for long stretches if needed for my own mental comfort. I plan to have a conversation about where I'm coming from, as you mention, in a caring way. After all, we can only come from the spaces we know best.

As another aside, one of the 'terms of endearment' fellas texted me this morning to ask if I missed him. Really? My Jersey girl almost came out but I replied nicely that I would reserve my answer since we don't know each other that well yet. The second 'terms of endearment' fella texted something about thinking of me all the time. Again, really? You don't know me, dude. Guess you're thinking of the me of your imagination ... lol.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on July 19, 2016, 06:46:21 AM
Thank you Arneal and SunshineFL it means a lot that you guys care. 

Now on to the update one guy messaged me but I didn't notice he lived a distance away, he is willing to relocate.  I have no idea what even his name is.  Thinking I just might ghost on that one.

Another guy has asked me what I do for a living before asking what my name is. Weird stuff.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: serpico on July 19, 2016, 07:38:47 AM
Thinking I just might ghost on that one.

How about instead letting him know that you're concerned about the distance and you just don't think it would work out?  Nobody enjoys being ghosted.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on July 19, 2016, 07:58:09 AM
Hello friends!

I haven't posted on this thread in a while.
I haven't had any material for you!

It looks like there are many of you that have kept this thread alive though. Kind of sad in many ways what we have to encounter in the crazy on line dating world.

Please don't take these crazies out there, personally. I know it's hard and I have fallen in that trap many, many times. Don't be afraid to tell them what's on your mind. You just may be entertained in their responses! And we all can use some laughs! Perhaps some honesty and prodding might even bring out a different side of them. Stranger things have happened!

To the most recent dating posters, Momtojandj,  Arneal,  Needytoo, Klim, Imissdow,  SunshineFL....I am sending the biggest hugs!

I want to know how you all are doing...really.
You are amazing ladies, don't let anyone make you feel otherwise! 👭

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on July 19, 2016, 01:00:14 PM
Thanks so much, momto! I am making necessary changes in my life, which keeps me busy when I'm not feeling absurdly lonely for a relationship :) Fortunately, I am much too private a person to do the hook up thing, as based on one of my Facebook friends who delights in sharing crazy Tinder stories, would be simple to find. I have given myself home improvement and personal improvement projects, including cleaning the garage (finished Phase One today! Now I can start re-organizing) and going to the gym regularly. I want to take care of me and mine so when the time is right for me to be in a relationship I will have something to offer that is (hopefully) comparable with whatever he will bring.

Needy -- I agree with Serpico; no one wants to be ghosted and as momto said, don't hesitate to say what you mean. The last two people I've been texting (the early romantics lol) both are at a distance. I was very clear that I am interested in connecting with someone close by and am not in a position to travel. They have continued to text for the most part. Haven't heard much since yesterday when I made it clear that I was not going to quickly reciprocate their endearments. Such is life but at least they know where I'm coming from. We can't always figure out the motives of others but at least we can be clear about our own.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on July 19, 2016, 01:23:36 PM
Sounds like you have a good attitude and making some positive moves in your life Arneal. Way to go girl!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on July 19, 2016, 01:37:34 PM
I'm trying!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on July 19, 2016, 02:41:32 PM
I didn't ghost. Feel really bad for this guy he is very lonely but there is no way it is going to work he lives way too far.

Still getting messages from the other guy at least he hasn't ghosted, yet.  A got a two other messages from guys.  Weird how it comes in packs and then settles down. 

What is Tinder?  I think my kids are on that one.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on July 19, 2016, 02:55:24 PM
Agreed, Needy -- it does seem to come in packs lol!
Tinder is a hook-up site, as I understand it. Swipe one way to indicate interest, swipe the other way for no interest. The messages my Facebook friend mentions are always from guys looking just for sex. I don't have it on my phone so I am not sure if it's more than that ...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on July 19, 2016, 06:46:28 PM
Arneal and needytoo,
  I have used tinder .. But I clearly say I'm looking to date. Believe it or not, I've had a few dates from there . I like it because it hooks up thru Facebook, it will tell you if you have friends in common. It's honestly no worse than the other free sites.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TofinoMan on July 19, 2016, 10:20:51 PM
So what is all this ghost talk?

I admit that I am not an internet guy....but my brain keeps seeing people in a white sheet at a Halloween party.

I might date again in 60 years....those old guys in the retirement home by then shouldn't need for me to be online since we are all locked in the same building.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on July 20, 2016, 07:38:58 AM
Tofinoman...

Funny ...

Ghosting is when you are talking to someone from online , and emails , calls or texts have gone back and forth . A lot of times a date has been set up, and poof they stop calling, texting, emailing .
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on July 20, 2016, 11:51:53 AM
I have a friend who made me try Tinder. She has friends who are in relationships that met on that site. Bumble is similar but the woman has to initiate contact after a match.

No luck for me there. Had not met anyone in person fron there. They had either ghosted or were scammers.

So much fun new terminology for sure Tofinoman.
We almost need a new age dating dictionary.
I have actually Googled some terms that have not made sense to me. Urban dictionary has been a help at times. 😁 So many things have been messaged to me with sexual references and I've had no clue!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: tybec on July 22, 2016, 04:30:19 PM
Random, I know, but with marrying the only guy I dated from HS, there are so many rules regarding dating.  NG told me when a woman wears her matching bra and underwear, she is open to sex on the date.   Who makes these rules? :o
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Taurus on July 23, 2016, 05:47:31 AM
NG told me when a woman wears her matching bra and underwear, she is open to sex on the date....
Not a "rule" per se, more a logical conclusion: after all, why would a woman go to the trouble of wearing matching lingerie on a date if there was not some expectation of being seen and appreciated?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Bunny on July 23, 2016, 08:15:33 AM
The other day, my bf shared an Italian meme with me that basically said: if you seduce a woman into bed and then notice she is wearing matching underwear, it was not you doing the seducing.

While I don't own any matching sets of underwear, I do like to choose complimentary styles and colors every day- for myself. I think it makes a girl walk around a bit more confidently...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on July 23, 2016, 08:17:47 AM
NG told me when a woman wears her matching bra and underwear, she is open to sex on the date....
Not a "rule" per se, more a logical conclusion: after all, why would a woman go to the trouble of wearing matching lingerie on a date if there was not some expectation of being seen and appreciated?

That is the most ridiculous thing I have every heard!

Wearing matching underthings does not mean they are expected to be seen or that someone is open to have sex.

It could just be about how it makes the person wearing them feel.  I had a Skype date with someone very far away from me not too long ago. I wore nice underthings. Was I expecting him to see them?  No! Was I expecting to have sex? No! It just made ME feel good knowing I was wearing them.

Goodness! There is so much wrong with those conclusions, I can't even begin to list the reasons here.



 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: tybec on July 23, 2016, 12:50:32 PM
Oh, it is tongue in cheek.  So many things, memes, generalizations.  I didn't take it too seriously.  An observation, not criticism. I haven't been in the dating world for 32 years.  I like learning new things, al beit, not taking it as written in stone.   ;D
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Portside on July 23, 2016, 08:14:34 PM
NG told me when a woman wears her matching bra and underwear, she is open to sex on the date.   

I'm sure glad many of the women I know were not sticklers for the 'rules'.

Goodness - what a load.

Mike
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TofinoMan on July 25, 2016, 12:35:03 AM
I have some matching socks.....
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TofinoMan on July 25, 2016, 12:37:49 AM
Tofinoman...

Funny ...

Ghosting is when you are talking to someone from online , and emails , calls or texts have gone back and forth . A lot of times a date has been set up, and poof they stop calling, texting, emailing .


Thanks for the good explanation.
I'm sure no one wants a bf or gf that rude anyways so be thankful.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on July 25, 2016, 01:22:29 AM
So I am on page 22 of this thread and am enjoying every post. Thank you to everyone who has contributed. I am going to prematurely contribute before I keep reading the thread to completion(will take a couple more days I reckon).

First let me say I am getting close to 30, and so grew up in the dawn of internet technology as a kid. And the experience was not good. I learned that a lot of men of all ages are looking for kids to have sex with and if not, to send pix of their twinkies to.  So I got jaded early on and learned how easily someone can manipulate others and conceal themselves.....period.. .but especially so online.

Enter age 27 and my husband(who I met playing chess at Starbucks) has just died. I looked around online early on; kind of like going to the circus.....just wanting to see what kind of clowns I would have to sort through and deal with eventually.

I corresponded briefly with one man, who was a REAL piece of work. First off, he lied about military service. He has NO military experience...but he claimed to have been in Afghanistan and in the marine corps....and to have been shot.....and he had a lot of bogus war stories. I kept asking questions and egging him on to see how far down the rabbit hole he would go.  His primary problem is: I WAS MARRIED TO A MOTHERFU*KING MARINE. *ahem*. So. It gets better/worse, depending how you look at it. I did a background check on this f*ck.  When he was 17 or 18, this maggot had an attempted murder charge. No joke.The loooooong string of other charges seem inconsequential compared to that. So anyway. Yes there are some real gems out there, even on match.


I met my ch2 on match....we are going on nine months together now. I will make a separate post on him later when I am not so sleepy.

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on July 25, 2016, 08:52:44 AM
well semperfedelis it sounds like you had both extremes a really really rotten one and one that might be working out.

ok so if a person doesn't have picture on their profile how do you ask for one ...I just feel like I seem shallow if I want a pic. And I've already been involved in a conversation so if the pic shows up and I don't like what I see how do I back out gracefully( guess I am shallow).... This should not be this difficult!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on July 25, 2016, 09:19:28 AM
I am back in the mix after another false start - next !

Back on Match.com and a guy who ghosted on me in round 1 (who I thought I would get along very well with) contacted me again and explained the reason he cancelled our date after our phone call was that I mentioned that I had white carpeting in my house so didn't have a dog in my house so for that reason - and therefore he jumped to the conclusion that we wouldn't be compatible. And that since then he had "thought about me alot" and wondered if we could "say hi" sometime as its better to meet someone in person. Geesh, you think ?? I politely replied back that it was a shame we didn't meet up as I thought we would get along very well and actually I love dogs and it was the prior owners that put the carpeting in the house, not me. And I was trying to preserve the integrity of the house as I may wish to sell at some point. And, I wished him well : ) 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on July 25, 2016, 11:04:19 AM
Captains wife.. You handled the guy great ! What a nut .. I'm over here rolling my eyes at his reasoning for ghosting on you .
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on July 25, 2016, 12:35:55 PM
Semper! So sorry for your early loss ... I get it, having been 30 when the first husband died (another story for another time ... I think I've told it elsewhere on here though). I love your clowns and circus analogy! Perfect!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on July 25, 2016, 12:48:29 PM
klim - great question! On one of the sites I visit regularly, there is an option to choose to see messages and such from those who have photos. I go into the 'not matching your profile' section of my messages to see what's up in case there's an interesting profile in there. Most often, it's like there's nothing on the profile at all, dude is so far from what I said I was interested in, or he wants to text/IM rather than send messages on the site. I ask for photos and if I don't get one at least (which I promptly do a search for to see if he might be legit as a first step), I delete and don't respond -- after all, if you can't send a photo or acknowledge that I asked for one, that's rude! I have about five photos on my profile, so there it is. Secondly, I have him send me his # first. I do a search on it and ask if the #s location doesn't match where he says he's from. People travel -- I get that. However, some of these ehem, gentlemen, don't know how to respond. I've had a few get offended (delete), others not answer (delete), still others who say they have family wherever the other place is and they don't want to lose touch (delete -- even though I get it that some people don't have long distance, but that's less common these days), and some who say they just moved or it's a work # (sometimes give a chance for more conversation). Bottom line is if someone isn't willing to give up more info when you ask (and you're asking because you want to know more about them before opening yourself up), it's probably not worth going too deep.

CaptainsWife - wow ... what a lame excuse to ghost! I too am rolling my eyes all over the place. I have light carpets and dogs. Yes, after having had three puppies in this place, they are a mess: clean but stained from spills and such. I need to rent a rug doctor or something and I shared that with the guy I have gone out with before he came over here. When he got here, he looked around and made fun of me because I had told him not to judge my organized chaos of a house -- said it was lived in and neat. You know that got big browny points straight away :) Another time, he asked if I'd been cleaning and when I said no, he looked surprised. He's never had a problem sitting on dog hairy couches and always says no when I offer to put the covers on. As an aside, we got together this past weekend to see a movie and have dinner. Fabulous time. We might be inching closer to a um ... more personal connection. At least I hope so. I'll leave a sordid hints for the kagill thread though when the time is right LOL!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on July 25, 2016, 01:00:03 PM
NG told me when a woman wears her matching bra and underwear, she is open to sex on the date.

By the time a man could determine I was wearing matching panties and bra, we'd had a conversation about sex.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on July 25, 2016, 04:30:58 PM
Klim, wow, kudos to you being brave talking to someone without a picture. To me that's forbidden territory. Partly on the basis of shallowness and partly on the basis of just wanting a face to a name.....even when I am talking to co-workers IRL, if they are talking about other people  in their lives outside work, I find it super helpful whenever I get a visual to the characters in their lives.... I can somehow be a better listener that way lol. 
I am always a fan of the direct route though, if I was in your position I would be directly asking for a picture in the grounds of curiosity or having a face to a name. Or I would be so curious about their reason for opting out of a profile picture that I would ask why they choose to do so and throw in an "on that note, May I request a picture of you?" or something like that.



Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on July 25, 2016, 06:22:58 PM
All right. This is a long one, on my successful-so-far ch2 that I met online.

Husband died in July 2015.....I went numb, hard and fast.
 I was quick to look at the freaks on online dating websites. Like within the first couple weeks. I didn't make contact but I was very curious what was in my now radically altered future. It also distracted me from my reality. So over the next three months I would alternate between deactivating and reactivating my profile.....I changed the content a lot too. Like a lot of things from that timeframe in my life, I don't remember a lot from my online dating. I spent my time on match.... Okc had a poor selection and I tried some other site that ended up being a scam.

Apparently ch2 had messaged me during my first creation of the profile in July. I have no memory of it... I had ignored his note a long with everyone else's. But we didn't start talking until he messaged me again in September.  I received and ignored messages from virtually all other guys. One guy toI'd me I should change my profile pic to a different pic. I was too nice and said "yeah I like that one too, and was just thinking of changing it to that one too" but I never changed it. He messaged a couple weeks later complaining that I didn't change my profile pic. Lol. I just thought that was funny. I assume he was not really trying for a date.

Anyway. Ch2 succeeded in getting me to reply to his message in september(a 2nd attempt). His opening line was a line of condolences about my husband. Now, let's be clear. His profile was utterly boring. And his pictures left a lot to be desired.....I did not find him attractive AT ALL. But I am a rational thinker....so when he sent the condolence note, I thought to myself "hmmm.... This says something about his character" and that is ultimately what I am after in a partner...... nothing else matters without solid character. So somehow I replied and we had some unremarkable conversation about a common interest(guns). But in that unremarkable conversation I learned something about him that got my attention and was a selling point for me(he is a former LEO). But I still felt like I really had to make myself respond to him.....the issue of being boring in his profile and of being ugly were strong deterrents to me. I thought "who is this guy? Why are we talking?" lol. But I had to remind myself to just give him a chance.....he clearly has a decent heart based on his initial message. And also guts to send that as a first note. I judge by actions, and his seemed solid so far. So I am really glad that I gave him a chance. We exchanged phone numbers (uncomfortable for me) and began texting..... I have never been a texter but it's far more palatable to me than a phone convo. I hate speaking on the phone for a myriad of reasons....I would really rather just talk face to face and have all the nonverbal feedback. So Anyway, we played 20 questions for a couple weeks, staying up way past our bedtimes. And we met for dinner one evening when our schedules lined up.

Folks, this is one of the kindest, most sane, and utterly respectful human beings I have ever met. And simultaneously without sacrificing masculinity. When I sat down across from him I just thought "oh my god. this guy is SO normal!!" it was actually uncomfortable for me BUT I knew  logically it was a good fit for me to be with someone so similar to me in temperament...I had never encountered that before. The context is that my life has been very chaotic and crazy with the husband....I was a full time caregiver to my erratic and chaotic husband who was permanently and totally disabled by PTSD from the war in Iraq. I was the calm while he was the storm 24/7. And this ch2, he is also calm like me.... Very level headed like me..... It is still so novel and interesting to be with someone who is so solid and sane. Oh and did I mention he was super handsome in person? Totally just  unphotogenic.

He didn't make any moves that first date. My experience with men in the past (when I guess I was very young and single, 18-21) was that men always had an agenda and that agenda was made clear early on. This ch2, I thought he might not even be interested in me because he was so polite. He wasn't gunning to get physical. I actually wondered if maybe he was just one of those men who had NO sex drive or maybe his ship just didn't sail. By his words, he just wanted to do things the right way.

I also learned prior to meeting him that his ex was a widow(also to suicide). So none of the crazy things I have been through were a shock to him, nor did they make him uncomfortable.

When my car needed a very expensive repair, he volunteered to do it feee. When my goat barn was gushing water through the roof in the winter, he drove out to my house and secured tarps to it while I was at work. When I my elliptical needed a repair and my chimney needed to be swept, I entrusted him with a key to my house to get it done while I was at work. And I have cameras....so yes, he was being tested. All this happened within the first three months together. He has consistently demonstrated outstanding character. 
And can you believe this gem found me online?

Okay now here where it gets weird/difficult. Because of my life experiences, I do not trust. I basically always feel prepared to find out that I have been manipulated, used, lied to, etc.... So this was hard.

If you read a few posts up, you see I ran a background check on another guy and found out he had been charged with attempted murder. I did a background check on ch2 and it came back clean. But I also do reverse image searches and I googled his name, with clean results. And also I googled his email handle when he gave it to me two months in. The latter item yielded some....very interesting results.

*sigh* I found profiles on sex hookup websites like adult friend finder, and others(swingers). AFF didn't have pics but did have all the "online one day ago" stuff which I know is not legit because of how these websites operate. Ultimately I learned that these profiles we all make get sold and republished elsewhere(the AFF website was found indentically on about 15 other websites who have a nearly identical format, clearly a situation where profiles are being bought and sold and used to lure in newbies)..... If in fact he created a sex profile, I understand he may not have touched it in many years. There were no photos on AFF, but on another swingers website there is a naked (no face) pic that does appear to be him from a long time ago (no tattoos and different bathroom). He denies it is him. He also thought it is reasonable someone else has his handle and matching stats.....which seems insane to me. But then the DOB was confirmed as matching.   SO he maintains vehemently that he has NEVER created any of these profiles. His train of thought is that his ex made them....maybe to make him look bad in court, who knows.  And from what he has told me about his wacko ex before this issue ever came up, it IS consistent and plausible as something she could have done(her late husband and her were swingers...and she is also pretty mentally unstable).... I also do not see the profiles as consistent with his sexual conduct and/or functioning with me( TMI but he really had to get to know me before his anatomy worked...I think he is too tightly wound of a person to be comfortable and functional with  a casual sexual encounter).  This has been a very difficult trust hurdle for me to clear...and I may not be over it completely. But I have had to hold up and compare the profiles with who he is with me every day and face to face. Ultimately I am learning that trust is a choice and I have chosen to trust him - though I accept I could be wrong, but the risk is worth it. And if he made the profiles years ago(one was dated as created and active in 2009), then I just have to accept that as part of his past and focus on what is before me now.

Anyway. Sorry this was so long.and sorry if this belongs in a thread of its own. Let me know if it does. I am still new here.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on July 26, 2016, 06:45:34 AM
Wish I could give you advice SemperFidelis but I have nothing.  I too am trying to be able to open up and really trust people too. 

Was chatting with this one guy, it really seemed great.  Got a message yesterday from him saying I seem normal but he is overwhelmed right now and his friends are hooking him up with some blind dates.  Good for him, not so great for me. 

Chatting with another fellow.  Again another guy who asks what I do for a living before even knowing my name.  I get it, way too many welfare people in our area but shouldn't you ask what your name is first.  He said he is self-employed and I asked for hints on what he does and he gave me no reply.  Red flag? 

Had another message from one - legged man again. 

Adding to my list of things to get "matching bras and panties". lol
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on July 27, 2016, 11:03:39 AM
I am getting creeped out by online guys asking too many personal questions too early via email...and I'm call screening anyone that asks me out. I should have seen the red flags that accompanied that last guy I dated and have since broken up with...for some guys its all about the chase and they can be really obsessive at first. (Ex guy I dated texted me a pic once of his office (early on in the relationship) and I noticed when I looked closely at his work computer that my FB page was up in the background..ugh).
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on July 27, 2016, 11:54:34 AM
Thanks for sharing, Semper -- I love how you are caring for yourself in this process. It is so difficult! Yikes, Captains Wife -- you saw your own FB page?! Were you and he friends on there? I guess I wouldn't mind if we were friends and he sent the pic because he was on FB and was thinking of me ... Needy -- I'm with you. Trust is so hard, especially if you've been duped somehow. I tend not to be trusting in general, which is contradictory to how I'd like to be. I enjoy being a free spirit and having to be on guard all the time just sucks. I am trying my best to be chill with the guy I met (not even sure if it's okay to say 'seeing' since we haven't labeled ourselves ... have been spending some kind of time almost every weekend since late May, outside of our respective work times) but have been open to text messages. Two guys have ghosted on me; they were creeping me out a bit. This last one is hanging in there. Not sure about him yet. He seems in a hurry for us to be an 'us', even though he doesn't live close. I know long distance things happen but I'm not really down for it. Especially since I like this other guy. See? So difficult ...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on July 27, 2016, 08:06:47 PM
Captains Wife, I love your attention to detail.....catching that guys open "you page" on his screen is impressive. Most people don't catch those little things.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on July 28, 2016, 06:47:14 AM
The no photo thing is a hard one but I do know some females that have done this because they just don't feel it is a good idea to have their pictures posted online for professional reasons.

The one guy who said he is taking a break from online dating was online yesterday.  Not really any of my business but when a person tells you one thing and then shows it is a lie it is very hard to trust.   

On the weekend I got my tarot cards and a physic reading both pointed to a new relationship.  The psychic said it is going to be a relationship that is going to take time to develop and the man is much older than me while the tarot cards she felt it is going to come within two months.  Of course I am not totally buying into all this I just do it for entertainment. But...........

Yesterday one legged man messaged me. He appeared very honest why he stood me up (two times).  He is worried about our age difference etc. he is 60 I am 49.  Have no idea where to go from here, still stuck on the trust thing.

Wow Captains Wife I would be a little creeped out by that guy. 

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on July 28, 2016, 09:01:12 AM
The open FB page thing...I admit to trying to find the guys on facebook if I know their name!  More info for me!

opinions please....guy wants to meet for drinks...I'm fine with that ....then he says on his deck....I say no....maybe another time. Next day...we agree for later that day....after I drop my son back to uni I text and ask where should we meet....He says he's in his hotub and I should come join him....I say no....he works on convincing me he is harmless....I say no, not appropriate for a first meeting.
This morning he says ok TIM Horton's then.if he hadn't have tried tose other moves I probably would have said yes....but now I think it's a no.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Forgottenwife on July 28, 2016, 09:46:02 AM
....then he says on his deck....I say no....   He says he's in his hotub and I should come join him....I say no....he works on convincing me he is harmless....I say no, not appropriate for a first meeting.

Yuck. I said no to a few of these men and simply never looked back. He sounds pushy, and rude. I am certain you can do much better. No means no, not just keep trying to sweet talk me. Yuck.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on July 28, 2016, 10:18:49 AM
I agree, Forgotten. I try to be the one to suggest the meeting place. Somewhere that I am familiar with but that is reasonable, distance wise. For the guy I did meet, the first time I chose somewhere that I thought would be about half-way between us. I got there first and scoped the scene, figuring if he looked like his photo, etc. I would give it a go. It was a public place and at lunchtime so there were a lot of people around.
Love that you got the readings, Needy :) I've thought about it too!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on July 28, 2016, 11:21:52 AM
Klim, big giant no on hot tub guy. He has made his motive and agenda clear. He must think ALL the women he meets are idiots.

And you are right about the FB thing....we all do it probably....pretty normal is my guess. It would be another matter if your address was pulled up on Google maps, lol.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on July 28, 2016, 03:52:56 PM
Klim - that's a definite no. Ugh
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on July 29, 2016, 08:38:54 PM
One fellow I met wanted to see my linkedin profile.  I didn't blame him, why not use all the tools at your disposal? 

I Googled email addresses and once one of them was actually identified as a spammer.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on July 29, 2016, 10:05:40 PM
ok you guys are becoming my online dating advice posse....should we have new thread for this?

Right now I feel like a cocktease online. I'm talking to 6 ar 7 different guys...a lot of them hinting toward coffe dates, some of them trying to line them up. There are some of them I think it's a no...but my personality is such that i always try and give people a chance, i root for the underdog, I hope for the best......so am I stringing them along or is this ok to give them a chance.I'm not professing any high interest but just polite conversation, friendly and light.
Thoughts?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on July 30, 2016, 12:04:10 AM
Klim, I would go on the coffee dates. . I dont think your stringing  them along . You said some you feel are a no, they could be the ones that surprise you .
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Forgottenwife on July 30, 2016, 11:43:10 AM
Cocktease is a pretty strong word! Nah, you are just politely chatting. Klim coffee dates sound fun, maybe you can decide based on why you think each one is a no? If you are just wasting your time and you absolutely know, for whatever your reasons are, that it is a no, then skip that one. I liked to put a time limit on coffee dates so before you even go, say you only have so much time and you have to be somewhere at a specific time. Then if it is awkward or just bad you can bail easily.

Have fun!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on July 30, 2016, 06:15:18 PM
klim -- new thread for a discussion of the process of online dating might not be a bad idea, since this one was for venting and such ... would love to join in!

So I started watching Matthew Hussey's videos on Youtube and got one of his online books as well; he talks about the fact that while dating, if we focus on one person, what if he's not 'the one'? We might have let 'the one' go by because we were not willing to take the coffee date. I have had two of three texters ghost on me over the last week and a half, while one is still hanging in there. Texter actually sent me a message a little while ago, asking if he could call me. Haven't responded as I am preparing to have dinner with guy I have been meeting. I'll answer texter tomorrow, since the other thing Matthew says in his videos is that we can take our time ... I know I like to answer messages right away but I am learning to let them sit for a bit. You might want to check him out ... pretty good advice from a cute young British fellow :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on July 30, 2016, 08:01:28 PM
Me, I can't get to far into the "what if I am dating the one who isn't the one? What if I let the one go"

Otherwise I find myself in a sea of discontent and thinking the grass could be greener. Works better for me to commit to one in my mind (of certain criteria are met) and give it my 100%.
This of course coming from someone who has absolutely minimal dating experience, let alone dating more than one person at a time.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on July 31, 2016, 10:13:40 AM
Makes sense, Semper. I guess I would say that also having minimal experience with all this, I am leaving openings for conversation but am fully focused on what is tangible. 'Guy I met' is tangible and I am 100% present in that. Texter gets minimal attention at this point and besides, he does not live around here.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on July 31, 2016, 10:34:26 AM
Hello gang!

Nice to see some nice discussion here. I am enjoying reading these. Perhaps I'll have some more material to add soon.

I have no problems with all kinds of on line dating discussions on this thread.  I think it's good to keep on line  dating talk together....vents...laughs....advice...All of it is relevant to what we face with on line dating. All of it is welcome and I wish more was here when I first started dating!



Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on August 01, 2016, 08:41:34 AM
I think multi-contact, multi-dating is just fine - who  knows what could happen ? And men can go poof very quickly so you need to keep options open until you meet someone you want to date exclusively and vice versa.

I went on a very nice date on Sat night with a decent match for me - but he kept agonizing over the fact that I lived an hour south of the city (even though I work in the city and my inlaws have a house in the next town over). I explained to him that while not ideal in some ways, I have seriously dated 2 men in the past 3 years and one was in Boston and one local and I honestly saw them about the same amount - given how busy everyone is (and this new guy has 3 kids, full time job and lots else going on). So night ends kind of awkwardly and I deleted his number as I didn't want to bother. Then he starts texting me yesterday, just to chat so I do respond to his texts. THEN at 7AM this morning I get this VERY LONG text from him - to tell me that he has thought about me a lot since Sat and  he has been "agonizing" over what to do. While he thinks we are a good match, he doesn't think its possible to sustain a relationship with me "so so far away" and that he needs to go with his gut on this.

I appreciated his honesty - but seriously how lazy are people ? It takes almost 40min to even drive across Boston from where he lives. I guess he is hoping to meet someone within 5 miles - good luck to him. I sent a very nice text back and wished him well but I was honestly thinking - you tool... Next !
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on August 01, 2016, 10:37:07 AM
I'm so sorry CW. Yes he is a tool!

In the spring I had an initial phone date with what I and he both thought would be a fabulous match. His messages to me on the dating site were all about how crazy the same we were. My location is posted on the dating site and we are in the same city.

The conversation was great, etc., and we really clicked. When he realized I was 16km away, about 10 miles, he said it was too far and it would be hard to see each other! 

He wanted to talk again and I asked for a coffee to actually meet. He had his kids that weekend and I said no problem, early in the week would be fine. He said, he didn't want to wait that long and by then "The rose would fade."

Yup! Another tool!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on August 01, 2016, 10:54:01 AM
As to the question....How far and elaborate will a scammer go?

Setting up a company website, company email, photos of directors(yes, plural), and contact info...OMG!
The cherry on top you ask????  Oil industry! 😁

I seriously must have scammer target on my forehead!

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on August 01, 2016, 11:05:49 AM
Ugh - momtokandk...some people are pathetic and I cant stand time wasters/scammers. Wish we could round them all up and throw away the key.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on August 01, 2016, 12:26:47 PM
Ok - so some wise ass just emailed me and asked if I would like to buy him dinner ? And a bunch of guys out of my age range and desirability range just emailed me about how they are the perfect match for "a woman like me".  I'm starting to get dating fatigue again - sigh
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on August 01, 2016, 03:19:57 PM
Momtokam, wow what strange behavior..... I wonder what his deal is. None of his behavior adds up or is cocnsistent.... Well, I guess it's consistently all over the place.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: MrsDan on August 01, 2016, 04:01:26 PM
You know, from my observations, it seems like the distance thing is one area where people have really unrealistic expectations. Some people search their whole lives for their perfect match, and you expect him/her to live right down the street? And it's something that seems to be an issue on both sides, the people my fellow widows are meeting, and sometimes the widows themselves. I don't get it, like super long distance I get, but I've heard of people complaining about a half hour. My boyfriend lives a half hour away; it's not a huge deal.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 01, 2016, 04:11:17 PM
MrsDan -- totally agree. I am in Southern California so nothing is close lol! I am not up for the out of state dude after my first interaction with a scammer and after deciding I don't have a problem looking and even responding to those who might be farther away, I tell them up front that I am interested in someone local, who I could actually meet for a meal or a coffee. The last texter guy may have faded away; he's out of state and sent me a message on Saturday to ask if he could call me. Nope -- I was cooking dinner for the local guy I like :) I actually waited until later to send a message, indicating that I had been busy. He sent a 'hello' message and then didn't respond anymore. He'd also asked me if I thought I was ready for a relationship. Please, guy. But I digress: local guy I like lives about an hour from me. We often meet for meals or movies somewhere in between. When we got together for the 4th of July, he drove to my house so we could ride together to the fireworks location, which was about halfway between anyway. I think it boils down to how interested are both parties.

CaptainsWife -- seriously, we need to do an internet roundup of the knuckleheads. I've had a spat of winks and so on from people who are either not in the age range (what's up with the guys my kids' ages?!) or who have none of the 'looking for' traits I have clearly listed on my profile? I wrote a rant about it (this particular site has a diary section where you can post stuff that others read) and had a very nice young man send me a message, complimenting me on what I'd said and that I used correct punctuation and grammar, which was nice to get instead of his trying to connect lol!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 01, 2016, 04:13:45 PM
Oh, and as an aside, what we've all mentioned here is the tip of the iceberg. If you want to laugh until you cry (or maybe just to cry), check out the Tinder laughs on Pinterest at https://www.pinterest.com/o0ashlea0o/tinder-laughs/. The things people will say are shameless! I have a friend on Facebook who posts some of the most hysterical conversations she's had with these men who want to just hook up. She is crude but they don't seem to care ... it is a crazy world!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: serpico on August 01, 2016, 06:46:58 PM
A moderate distance wouldn't have been a deal-breaker for me, but I also don't think someone who thinks it is should be considered a 'tool'. I wonder if the level of hostility required to make such a distinction is showing through in dating communications?

This probably sounds like a criticism but it's really more of an observation or a question, but one may take it as one wishes...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on August 01, 2016, 08:20:30 PM
I met a man who thought we could maintain a relationship living 100 miles apart.  It maybe might have worked for him, but honestly, I don't make that kind of money.  I really couldn't afford to put 5000 extra miles on my car every year commuting to be with him.  He didn't offer to pay for it, either, and I still work for a living.  I'm an 'old' young widow, at 59, so I didn't want to move and change jobs with maybe six or eight more years of work ahead of me.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on August 02, 2016, 06:28:05 AM
Thanks Serpico - so appreciate your feedback. I don't often get upset about people's responses to my posts but this one was really uncalled for.  I wasn't hostile at all to this person. I was very nice on the date about it and sent him a very nice text in response. The point of this section is to vent and I am venting my frustration. I think I have every reason to be frustrated with dating given some of the men I've encountered and this is my outlet to do that. While I appreciated this guys honesty, ruling me out on a distance seems unfair and I didn't share with the group his correspondence on it or how he handled it. If distance was such an issue we shouldn't have gone out in the first place. And I have a few more dates lined with with new people so I'm moving on.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: kjs1989 on August 02, 2016, 08:19:49 AM
I agree 100% with you, Captain's Wife. Very condescending and patronizing of the guy to contact you again and then say he was "agonizing" over his decision whether or not to pursue getting to know you. 

Just go away then, Dude!

Vent away, CW.

And Serpico, how very condescending of you, too. To label someone hostile for venting frustration, and then backhandedly caveat it by saying you're not criticizing, just observing, but to take it as one would wish ? 

Please.

Why do some veteran posters, of all people, forget this is supposed to be a safe site to say what we need to say without judgment. Time and time again I don't get it.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on August 02, 2016, 11:53:28 AM
If distance was such an issue we shouldn't have gone out in the first place.

This was the point that made him a tool!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on August 02, 2016, 12:16:24 PM

This probably sounds like a criticism but it's really more of an observation or a question, but one may take it as one wishes...


Of course it was meant as a criticism....if it wasn't, you wouldn't need to point that out. When someone feels the need to mention that something is not meant as criticism,  it usually is...

Serpico, you really have no idea what some of us have to deal with, as women, with on line dating and regular dating in fact.

This thread was created to be a safe place to vent our frustrations and share our experiences, and maybe have a laugh or two. It's not a place to be handed some passive aggressive criticism.

End of vent.....
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Quixote on August 02, 2016, 04:20:45 PM
I hope that hypothetical girlfriend would be okay with distance--  I live on the outskirts of a town of 2400 people.  Distance can matter in practical terms, though.  To take an extreme example, I ran into an old friend in the airport (I'm a pilot, she's a flight attendant) and she gave me the "next time you're in City X, let's get together".  But I'm not going to fly three hours on a day off for dinner.  It's borderline stalkerish.  So I doubt said dinner is going to happen. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: MrsDan on August 03, 2016, 07:36:26 AM
A moderate distance wouldn't have been a deal-breaker for me, but I also don't think someone who thinks it is should be considered a 'tool'. I wonder if the level of hostility required to make such a distinction is showing through in dating communications?

This probably sounds like a criticism but it's really more of an observation or a question, but one may take it as one wishes...

See, I think the thing that makes him a tool is the whole "he has been "agonizing" over what to do" part. Because to me it reads as, "I've been trying to decide if you're worth it." He could have presented it much differently. His approach was very self centered, in my opinion.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on August 03, 2016, 07:52:15 AM
Sooo.. guy I dated recently for 3 months tried to friend a bunch of my female friends on FB (who he had only met once) and I found out last night he started texting one of my friends this past week (he had her cell number as he was texting pics of an event we all went to a few weeks ago). He did ask about me BUT he kept just texting her about other stuff, asking how she was, sending pics of him sailing etc. She has since blocked his cell number (as have I). WOW - this is a whole 'nother level of inappropriateness. Nothing surprises me anymore in dating...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 03, 2016, 09:24:49 AM
(shaking head) CaptainsWife -- I have no words. Sending hugs your way! That's just ... oh wait, I do have a word: gross.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on August 03, 2016, 01:44:09 PM
Ok which sites do you use???
People that don't know anything( my married friends) are trying to tell me which site s are for which type of dating. Seems they all have reputations. I suspect there might be better options depending on age as well.
I'm on the slightly older side of "young widow", I'm 54.
I know of 

OKCUPID
POF
TINDER
EHARMONY.

I know of MATCH but right now I'm being fiscal and not paying and they don't let you get too far.

So far I like POF.......
I get the most compliments from the junior set on OKCUPID
And my friends are telling me TINDER is for Hookups but it looks pretty similar to other sites.

OPinions?????      Experiences????
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on August 03, 2016, 02:05:18 PM
Klim
 You know the same ones I have used . I have to say from talking to single people what works in one area , doesn't always work in another. However , my two that I meet the most are pof and tinder. I do state on tinder, I'm not looking for a hookup. I like that since you go thru Facebook, tinder tells you if have have friends in common.  A lot of guys state on there that they aren't looking for a hookup either . Ps.. I went onto groupon and found 3 months for match for only 25 dollars.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on August 03, 2016, 02:12:50 PM
I have done ALOT of internet dating (ugh). I am in my 40s and I have not used Tinder but had friends that have used it and it hasn't led to anything but the odd date/friendship/hook-up.

I've tried OKC, EHarmony and Match. I actually thought OKC was pretty good in terms of the set up/profiles/extensive questions and number of people on the site but since its free you get a lot of scammers on there and undatables and I found I got "harassed" a lot on there. I also dated someone on there who was a complete liar.

eHarmony is a COMPLETE waste of time - its the most expensive, not great matches, a lot of "unreal" profiles on there and the initial back and forth correspondence (before you can email each other) plus inability to pick your matches makes it terrible to use for both men and women.

Match I find has the best selection of people to date but it costs and you still get a lot of creeps on there. I also HATE the Winks, Interested, Likes etc - its SOOO confusing! But I met my husband on Match in NYC so I am a little partial to it and I've had some decent dates from it (and some not so decent dates).I also think a paid service weeds out some of the scammers and really creepy people.  I also think it benefits from a wide membership, depending where you live.

I think there are some new dating sites that try and link you through your friends networks to meet men - I saw an app on Shark Tank plus there is OurTime (over 50 site my friend uses), EliteSingles (not tried it).

All the best as this is not easy although it can be fun ! 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on August 03, 2016, 06:39:51 PM
Can't delete, I guess?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: sdarrah1130 on August 04, 2016, 08:28:29 AM
I met NG on Match 

First and last site...... I paid for the subscription only because I have never truly dated before and wanted to reach out of my comfort zone (2 mile radius of where I live)  LOL. 

I liked it because I was able to narrow my search criteria.  I searched widowers within 35 miles of my area.....  talk about out of the 2 mile radius.......

I met NG, fellow widower, gets me and we just Clicked. 

Good Luck to you.  Our hearts, minds and heads deserve to be happy. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 04, 2016, 10:41:26 AM
Match and eHarmony were a waste of time for me. Like you, sdarrah, I wanted to reach outside my zone in various ways ... I didn't want to meet men who were only from within the site's prescribed age range or race/ethnicity. I joined a couple of interracial sites, which is where I met guy I've been seeing (and am interested in) and the texters. Speaking of which, the one texter popped up today after being silent for a few days. This is an interesting journey for sure!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on August 04, 2016, 10:49:31 AM
What is that definition of "insanity" - doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result?

Well, after several months detox from the online, most of this year actually, and witnessing the bravery of you supportive people on this thread, yesterday I thought I'd jump back in again (okc and pof) and give it a try.  It only takes that one good guy, right?

The "online vents and laughs" have already begun, but staying hopeful and positive.
Wish me luck - keep you posted.  ::)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: MrsDan on August 04, 2016, 10:50:30 AM
I met my boyfriend on OKCupid. I liked the interface of that site the best. I liked that it was more granular than the other sites. Like with match,  it would say someone liked music, but what kind? If that info was on there I couldn't find it. And on OKCupid the matches were broken down you could see which areas were most compatible. BF and I were a very high match overall, but I noticed that we were a ridiculously high match on ethics questions. To me that said a lot. What I didn't like about it is it deliberately doesn't show you all your matches. The only way you could see more matches was if you changed up the filter now and then. It worked out for me though. Actually, it's kind of funny, they have this "quickmatch" option, where you can scan info quickly without actually doing a full search opening someone's full profile. Every single time I did it, my boyfriend came up by like the second or third guy, and many times he popped up first.

I found Match and Zoosk a pain to use, and had heard that Tinder and POF were full of pervs and weirdos, although I never tried them. An I hate that Eharmony is a Christian site without  being transparent about it. I mean, I have no problem with faith based sites. Faith is important to a lot of people and in many cases probably a deal breaker. But at least be upfront about it, like Christian Mingle or J Date.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 04, 2016, 11:53:30 AM
That's interesting about eHarmony, MrsDan -- they have a commercial where the woman says she isn't religious and the guy says that's not a problem. Is there something overt about the faith aspect? I have faith as a component I'm looking for but haven't limited myself to a narrow view. Despite all that, eHarmony just didn't do it for me ...

Late afternoon update -- you all got me curious about this OKCupid so I went and made a profile. Folks sure are friendly over there lol! I got a few emails right away so we'll see. Took a chance and texted someone who had been trying to get my attention on the main site I've had a profile on; his spelling is horrid and he uses text speak almost exclusively, even though he's like 58. Sorry, but I still text with full words and to be honest, it's annoying me to the point I don't want to keep it up. Sigh -- come on, 'guy I like' (fingers crossed that it will continue to develop so I can get off this weird carnival ride called online dating)  :o
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on August 04, 2016, 11:29:18 PM
So I joined a Facebook group, single in NJ. More for advice , and just to see what it is about than trying to find someone on there to date. Anyway .. One guy posted .. Don't you wish people would be brutally honest in their profile , and he proceeded to say what he would write. So I decided to say what I wish I could write on a profile.. Now before I tell you , or maybe it doesn't matter .. But how brutally honest can you be? Or should you be? Maybe if we all were more honest with our wants, needs and our faults , would that help or hurt us online? Hmm .........
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on August 05, 2016, 01:39:01 AM
Momtojandj, it turns out you can be brutally honest and not scare away EVERYONE.

My match profile underwent about three revisions. One version of mine was....uhhh..... *way way way way* too much information. I was all cracked out making profiles within the first months of my husband's death. And I am thoroughly embarassed by this particular (2nd) version of my profile.
Well. My ch2..... He had messaged me once with my first profile, and I ignored him. On my third profile he messaged again months later. I did not realize he had also viewed my profile during the crazy 2nd profile time. Lol. I was so embarrassed to know he saw it. But it showed me something I appreciate about him, that he cannot be scared away....he cannot be shocked..... And he has patience and understanding for me in my craziest hour even at the very beginning.

So post away. Post some crazy sh*t and scare off the cowards.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Forgottenwife on August 05, 2016, 10:27:48 AM
So post away. Post some crazy sh*t and scare off the cowards.

I posted a little crazy stuff too! It worked!! Being your genuine self is the best way to find someone who is right for you, but its ok to temper that with putting your best foot forward too. I met my Chapter 2 who I have been exclusive with now for more than three years on OKCupid. I thought OKCupid was good for many reasons: There was no limit to the number of people I could chat with, I could see where we had beliefs and attitudes in common, and I found the interface very easy. My partner is all that - funny, loving, interesting, passion for his work, reliable, kind and a great companion. Loves his Mom and all that. And he was just hanging out on OKCupid too! I had to put myself out there for rejection, weed through lots of weirdos, endure some unsolicited penis pictures, hear that I live too far or I was too fat or whatever. I also met lots of regular, successful men looking for a partner. I say take a chance and don't take the weirdos and the ghosters and insulting creeps too seriously.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on August 05, 2016, 10:57:20 AM
Forgotten wife, you nailed it with the attitude necessary for online dating. Cheers!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: MrsDan on August 05, 2016, 11:10:29 AM


 Loves his Mom and all that.

This cracked me up because one of my favorite pictures of my boyfriend on OKCupid was of him and his mom. I just thought it was so sweet. And they are close, although he is also good about boundaries too. Apparently, I owe a lot to his stepsister. She told it was time for him to get back online, and she encouraged him to use that picture. He was like, "Really?" And she was all, "oh yes, definitely."
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on August 05, 2016, 12:01:09 PM


 Loves his Mom and all that.

This cracked me up because one of my favorite pictures of my boyfriend on OKCupid was of him and his mom. I just thought it was so sweet. And they are close, although he is also good about boundaries too. Apparently, I owe a lot to his stepsister. She told it was time for him to get back online, and she encouraged him to use that picture. He was like, "Really?" And she was all, "oh yes, definitely."

Lol, that's outstanding :-)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on August 05, 2016, 12:21:07 PM
Ok, so I said the heck with it .. And this is my new profile summary .. Please be honest

After trying dating sites, I decided to be blunt , and honest .   I'm 47 years old, a widow and mom of two teenage boys . I have no time to chase any guy , I think the guy should make the first move . Enough with the likes, winks and favorite bulls@@t. Send an email . If I've given you my phone number , I would actually like to meet , not text endlessly .
I would love to have someone to share my life with , but I was lucky to be in love and had a wonderful husband . No reason to settle . Sadly after reading some profiles and going out on dates , I realize why some of you are still single.
What do I have to offer ? I'm always smiling. I realize life is short, so I have no time for petty arguments , or grudges. I'm a great kisser , cuddler and more 😉.
I love vacations, I believe it recharges the soul. I'm a whiz in the kitchen , but I also love to go out and try new places to eat . I love going to the gym , but I'm up for kayaking , walking , or doing a rugged maniac race. I'm a great mom , friend and person .
What am I looking for ? I won't date anyone old enough to be my dad or young enough to be my son . Married, still in love with your ex, or blame her for the breakup.. Move on .. So am I too blunt .. Maybe .. But I'm looking for a man , not a child that plays games .
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on August 05, 2016, 12:46:54 PM
Momtojandj, love the forward approach. Here are my suggestions (hey I never knew I enjoyed proofing so much lol).

If I was tweaking it, I would omit the part about being a good kisser etc.....strictly to keep those at bay who have no serious intents and just want a hookup.....unless you are open to that too.

I might also consider adjusting the bit about "I realize why some of you are still single. " as you want to keep it clear who you are writing to....the exceptional guy who gets a date with you or the no good weirdo. It might come across as a premature insult to the good guy. A more palatable variation could be "I realize why some men on here are still single".

I would also re-order/merge your last paragraph with your 2nd paragraph. This keeps it more in order. Basically moving final paragraph to be right after the bit about seeing why some men are single. This also leaves your summary on a high note(you).
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on August 05, 2016, 12:57:46 PM
Semper.....great advice! Reworked :

After trying dating sites, I decided to be blunt , and honest .   I'm 47 years old, a widow and mom of two teenage boys . I have no time to chase any guy , I think the guy should make the first move . Enough with the likes, winks and favorite bulls@@t. Send an email . If I've given you my phone number , I would actually like to meet , not text endlessly .
I would love to have someone to share my life with , but I was lucky to be in love and had a wonderful husband . No reason to settle . Sadly after reading some profiles and going out on dates , I realize why some men on here are still single. What am I looking for ? I won't date anyone old enough to be my dad or young enough to be my son . Married, still in love with your ex, or blame her for the breakup.. Move on .. So am I too blunt .. Maybe .. But I'm looking for a man , not a child that plays games .
What do I have to offer ? I'm always smiling. I realize life is short, so I have no time for petty arguments , or grudges. I love vacations, I believe it recharges the soul. I'm a whiz in the kitchen , but I also love to go out and try new places to eat . I love going to the gym , but I'm up for kayaking , walking , or doing a rugged maniac race. Curling up on the couch and watching a movie or going to see a band play . I'm a great mom , friend and person .
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on August 05, 2016, 04:13:48 PM
My updated profile, based on some of my experiences with on line dating....

14 reasons why you should NOT get to know me:

1. You send me a message with one word....I know how to read more than one word.
2. You have multiple pictures in your profile holding fish....I like to eat fish but don't care how many you have held.
3. Your profile pictures do not contain one smile on your face...I would like to date a happier person.
4. Your profile states you want a woman 25-35 years old and you are over 50......I know that with age comes so much more. Use your imagination.
5. Your pictures only show you wearing sports gear, ski suits, scuba suits, hockey gear, and bike helmets.... I wonder who is really under there.
6. You are only shown wearing sunglasses..... I wonder what you are hiding.
7. You fav me, wink at me, like my pictures and then immediately hide your profile or ignore my messages......I wonder why you bother.
8. You say you are easy going, fun, like to spend time with friends, and love your kids....I wonder why you need to point these things out.
9. You have 2 profiles up with different ages and locations but the same profile picture......I am not stupid.
10. You take selfies in the bathroom.... I am surprised that you didn't clean the bathroom first.
11. Your pictures are with a group of people......I don't know which one you are.
12. You are a pipeline engineer, you will say you are a widower, and you are out of town on important business, and will suddently need my help financially......Can there really be that many of you?
13. You don't reply to nice messages that clearly show I read your profile, even if to say "sorry not interested".... I do respond to messages like this, or I used to, until I recieved angry messages back.
14. You are not, nodding in agreement, smiling or maybe  even laughing at this list...We would not get along.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on August 05, 2016, 04:51:26 PM
 ;D Hail to the Moms!  @momtojandj and @momtokam ... you go! Fun, lighthearted, senses of humor, honest, clear, confident, intelligent and beautiful. Really showing up.  Nice. 

Anyone who is sharp and empathetic, who could possibility put themselves in your shoes for just a moment, will appreciate your clever narratives.

Well done - thanks for sharing.
With a spark of inspiration from an awesome "writing elf" friend of mine (thanks momtokam!), I just posted a profile weaving a baseball narrative. Several men have written enjoying it, some have even responded in like fashion, jumping right into my tone of voice in my writing and continuing the story - very cool. We'll see - it only takes one. 

It is a little long to post here, so if you are really interested with nothing else to do for 10 minutes or so (LOL!), PM me and I'll tell you my screen name online there and you can read it.

I'm going to a singles meetup tonight in my area. A whopping 4 people RSVP'ed!  ::)

Chat soon, friends.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on August 05, 2016, 05:05:17 PM
Thank you my friend....

And SunshineFL's profile is definitely worth the read!
I just provided a little inspirarion and the writing queen made it come alive! I bow to her writing skills! 😊
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Portside on August 05, 2016, 09:35:06 PM

Anyone who is sharp and empathetic, who could possibility put themselves in your shoes for just a moment, will appreciate your clever narratives.


I love you guys but no, I must respectfully disagree. Remember, the idea is to market yourself to the broadest swath of decent men on the site you belong to.

I fear that both of these profiles try a bit too hard to be clever and come across as a bit smartassy. Yes, that's a word. I'm not confident guys on a site are seeking that.

I don't want to be critical without offering what I think are good alternatives so, if I have time later, I'll post some profiles from sites that I would find beckoning as examples.

If you shop your profile around and all your girlfriends think it is a home run, it probably isn't. After all, you aren't trying to land a woman. You have to write for the guys. This is true both ways - guys must write to appeal to the gals, gals must write to the guys.

My first attempts at profiles were disasters until I had some women friends help me edit them. 

I had much better success after their input.

Good luck - Mike
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on August 05, 2016, 10:04:32 PM
Not really feeling the teachable moment here, Portside, but it is possible, without tone or context in email, that there was a subtle miss on reading the playful sarcasm trying to be conveyed. Similar profiles have definitely achieved the spark to prompt fun and kind messages and conversation from men online.  Playful banter. Lighthearted conversation back and forth.  Not all are the same-intentioned online, no doubt.  But sure, do share, would love to read some profiles from sites that you would find beckoning as examples.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on August 05, 2016, 10:15:30 PM
Sadly after reading some profiles and going out on dates , I realize why some of you are still single.
If I ever have to do the online thing again, I am so using this.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on August 06, 2016, 08:22:36 AM
Portside,
 I could see how my profile would be smartassy, but I only did it after much thought. For some reason match has never worked for me , no clue why . I only rejoined because the price was too good to pass up. I have tried the nice approach, stole profile ideas from others and still I get looks and the only emails are guys I'm Not interested in or they ghost on me.
So I decided to be honest and write what I felt, even with what I put .. I'm getting again lots of likes, and winks. Clearly , at least in my case the guys aren't even reading my profile .
I will leave it as is for awhile, then might rewrite it . Then will stick to free sites, at least there I've actually gotten dates. 🙄
I do thank you for your opinion , nice to have a guy chime in. 😀

 Ok this is my edited version :
I'm 47 years old, a widow and mom of two teenage boys . Sometimes I will send a wink, but then I think it's up to the guy to email and really make the first move . If I've given you my phone number , I would actually like to meet , not text endlessly .
I would love to have someone to share my life with , confide in , fall in love with ,travel with . Nothing  beats that connection two people have , when sometimes you don't need to say a word and they make your soul melt. I was lucky to be in love and had a wonderful husband . Hopefully , I will find that again.  Sadly after reading some profiles and going out on dates , I realize why some men on here are still single. What am I looking for ? I won't date anyone old enough to be my dad or young enough to be my son . Married, still in love with your ex, or blame her for the breakup.. Move on .. So am I too blunt .. Maybe .. But I'm looking for a man , not a child that plays games .
What do I have to offer ? I'm always smiling. I realize life is short, so I have no time for petty arguments , or grudges. I love vacations, I believe it recharges the soul. I'm a whiz in the kitchen , but I also love to go out and try new places to eat . I love going to the gym , but I'm up for kayaking , walking , or doing a rugged maniac race. Curling up on the couch and watching a movie or going to see a band play . I'm a great mom , friend and person .
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Mrskro on August 06, 2016, 09:34:11 AM
I am smartassy, so I think it's probably better to get it out there in the beginning of my profile.  :)

But I can see Portside's side of things.  Men and women do look at things a bit differently.  I can see how having the opposite sex help write a profile may help.

I will say you've all given me a kick in the pants to re-write mine.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: tybec on August 06, 2016, 10:23:30 AM
I by no means have any clout or real experience in the dating world or on line.  But I wrote a short bio in Christian Mingle, as that was important to me for the man to share my faith.  I am writing this from NG's home as we just got back from a night out to see the Googoo Dolls, but he had to get to a breakfast meeting.  He is the only guy I talked to on and off line, and so far, the stars have aligned for us.  5 months yesterday for first face to face meeting.  :)  This is a paraphrase of my writing.  I did get some attention.  I posted about 5 pictures and put dates on them, as ten year old pics are not honest. Boy I wish I looked like I did ten years ago!

"I have loved well and long, and life changed on a dime. I had to admit I had not put God first in my life and trusted Him.  So with time, here I am ready for Chapter 2.  I am a responsible, independent, serious and sometimes funny person who likes to try new things.  I love live music, traveling, experiences.  I have learned that experiences are far more valuable than anything, making memories.  I am searching for more JOY in my life independently but am ready to share with another.  I know what it is like to have a life long companion, and hope that is in my future. "

Then there were some demographics in there, and that was it. I put widowed.  It is who I am.  I contacted one guy just because his profile was so absurd,  and I was curious.  He was funny but almost manic.  He briefly talked to me, but he was not a dating choice for me or vice versa.  There were others that I sent a message and some contacted me, but this guy I am with now is great.  Good luck with the writings and searching.  I am enjoying this chapter.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 06, 2016, 10:28:11 AM
A different take on smartassy? Had a guy on OKCupid send me a message. I messaged back. He sends all this contact info (IM, email. phone# ...) and is pressing to know more about me. Minimal info on his profile, didn't give up much when I asked him, other than he's posted in Syria right now (go on and roll your eyes, I did). My reply? 'As I am not able to travel right now, I am looking for someone closer to me so we can meet. Best of luck with your search.' His reply? 'You could post a sign in front of your house saying you want to meet somone closer and then maybe you will' (paraphrase). Didn't you know I was far when you answered my message.' (yes, closed a question with a period lol)

So here we go -- maybe this is the site where I learn how to ghost. Nope. I answered: 'Yes, I saw you were far but answered because it would have been rude not to. Again, all the best in your search.'

Am supposed to get together with my local guy this weekend. Still looking forward to the day when I can delete these profiles lol!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 06, 2016, 10:29:31 AM
Good for you Tybec! So happy for you as well and can't wait to tell such a great story :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: JoviGirl on August 06, 2016, 07:08:40 PM
Like many of you here, I go on and off the online dating sites, hiding my profile for a while, and then reactivating when I feel alone and frustrated that I just don't seem to meet anyone in my every day soccer mom life.  Reactivated my OKC profile this morning,and already received this gem of a message LOL.
"I love your long legs, and can't wait to think of them tonight when I have a release."  Ugh.  Same old same old.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on August 06, 2016, 08:21:52 PM
 >:( Ugh @jovigirl .... gross and so disrespectful.
Report them on the site, then...
Block
Delete

I just added this sentence to my online profile. If you like it, you (anyone here) are welcome to copy/paste/edit to make it your own:

"Please - my being here online is not an invitation to expose me to anything rude, disrespectful or inappropriate. I'm the real deal seeking the real deal - and I trust that interactions here will only be with like-minded, age-appropriate, respectful, kind and caring individuals."
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on August 06, 2016, 08:45:57 PM
Jovigirl, I cringed when I read that. I wonder if this has got to be a scammer or something..... Sounds like weird language someone might use as a second language.

If not, gawd......So weird.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: TofinoMan on August 07, 2016, 01:33:04 AM
Klim, wow, kudos to you being brave talking to someone without a picture. To me that's forbidden territory. Partly on the basis of shallowness and partly on the basis of just wanting a face to a name.....even when I am talking to co-workers IRL, if they are talking about other people  in their lives outside work, I find it super helpful whenever I get a visual to the characters in their lives.... I can somehow be a better listener that way lol. 
I am always a fan of the direct route though, if I was in your position I would be directly asking for a picture in the grounds of curiosity or having a face to a name. Or I would be so curious about their reason for opting out of a profile picture that I would ask why they choose to do so and throw in an "on that note, May I request a picture of you?" or something like that.

I don't want to date, but if I was going to try online dating I would not want a photo. It could make it to easy to judge a lady on her looks, and not on her heart.
Better to be with a 4/10 in looks with a 10/10 personality....than the other way around.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: tybec on August 07, 2016, 06:57:02 AM
TofinoMan,

I so agree about the photo/pic thing on line. But my brother lost his wife a year later after I lost my DH.  He started the on line dating one year to the date, taking the grieving recommendations from Griefshare.  He had a friend that helped launch one of the main dating sites who helped him with his profile.  She noted that you get more reads if you have picture, a significant amount, though the percentage leaves me.  Also, ChristianMingle only allows head shots for the profile pic and approves all pics and profile writing, an attempt to keep the site in line with the faith base. There are no risque pics, no bathing suit shots or such.  In chat, you can't even use certain words as it will not allow it. My guy I see works at a government contractor that makes explosives, and I tried to type "blow" up things, and it would not allow it.  I realize there are still the crazies out there, the scammers, and you must beware, but at least this site for me worked. 
I hate pics.  In fact, NG tried a selfie at the concert, and I said no.  Took one, and it is awful! 
I did chat for 2 weeks with NG before we met up. I knew we needed a face to face.  There is something unexplainable about a connection, a chemistry, and on line loses that, I am afraid.  I know, there are exceptions, but I guess I am not that evolved.  I didn't fall in love with my husband of 21 year by looks, but there was some kind of physical connection between us that you can't get on line or even in Skype.  The presence of that human is powerful.  I am thankful for that!  Good luck everyone!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 07, 2016, 11:53:09 AM
Ugh, Jovi! That's too much.

I deleted all my profiles ... I wasn't satisfied with the conversations that were popping up and it was too much of a distraction. I had a wonderful date with my local guy and will focus my attentions there. I know he's real lol!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Portside on August 07, 2016, 12:59:18 PM
"I love your long legs, and can't wait to think of them tonight when I have a release."  Ugh.  Same old same old.

Ugh! What a ass. Block. Next. I must admit, some of the fella's calls/mails and texts to you all are embarrassing to me as a fellow guy and human.

There is a positive to be gathered here - he selected himself out of your pool of possibilities. That's important. But still, wow. Loser.

Here are some profiles that I thought are decent examples. Of course, not everyone needs to (or should!) follow this template, it's just few items to get the thoughts going.

#1

“It sure is hard to meet people! I thought I'd give this a try. I'm looking for someone who's at a place in his life where he's comfortable with who he is, has a good sense of humor and has common interests...and chemistry! I like to do all kinds of things....the mountains and the beach..boating, hiking, cooking...depends who I'm with. I have 2 twenty-something sons who I'm very close with - one's in Thailand with the Peace Corp and one's in med school. I'm not sure what else to write, so if you want to know something, just ask. :)”

Again – a quick note with just enough to catch a guy’s interest. She provides an opening and seems approachable – “Just ask.”

#2

“I am not new to the online dating experience, it is different for sure, especially at this age. I am not on here to see how many men I can go out with, I am only looking for one. I don't play games with anyone's head or heart, I expect the same consideration.

I am a woman with many sides, I can dress up, dress down, whatever the occasion calls for. I love history, exploring small towns, finding the best out of the way places to eat. I enjoy being around the water, it brings tranquility to the soul. I enjoy motorcycle touring, festivals, cooking for family and friends, just to name a few.

I am a Family oriented woman, a mother and a grandmother. I don't want us to have separate lives, I want us to enjoy both of our lives. I am not your ex so please don't compare me to her. I am my own person, I treat everyone I meet with the respect they deserve. I am kind and loving, would like to meet someone that is the same.

I am tall, so I love being with a tall man, lets me wear all my heels:-)

I do not want to email endlessly on this site, if you are interested in meeting, and I feel the same, let's meet.”

Again, a good one. Here the woman is upfront that she is seeking a guy for a serious relationship – not something casual. Good to know.

#3

“In my youth I lived in and traveled to several countries in Central and South America before I settled down to have a family. Those were great adventures. I spent 25 years caring for my family and nearly 30 running a home business to support us. Being a mom has been an even greater adventure. My youngest is 23 so the parenting is pretty much over. I loved being a mom and now I love being a grandmother. When I turned 65 this June I began thinking about the changes I need to make. I am downsizing my business. I am hoping to find a companion for new adventures. I am a Christian and my relationship with God is the foundation of my values and my life.”

Short and easy to read. Guys loath lengthy profiles. Loads of info packed into a tiny space: Mom and grandmother. Widely traveled. Christian faith is important. Self-starter as she ran her own business. A guy knows right away if he would find this woman interesting or not. 

To sum up – while what every man is looking for varies by the individual, I think most good men hold some common traits important; good guys want to know you are a non-crazy, interesting woman. Comfortable with herself and someone that can see the beauty in a world that has its ugly side. A woman that takes care of herself as best she can and is willing to bring the guy into her life as well as allow herself to be immersed into the man’s life. 

I must say though I am getting discouraged by some of the garbage you are getting back from some guys you meet at the dating sites. I honestly don’t know what to tell you so as you do not run across the crumbs.  I am sorry.  :(

I hear you that I may have misinterpreted the sassiness within the profiles earlier in the thread. Tone is very difficult to convey within a profile so maybe, if there is any question, it might be best to reword it. If I misread it, possibly other men might too. Or not, you never know.  ???

Good luck - Mike


Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: tybec on August 07, 2016, 02:38:37 PM
Oh, a FYI that I find funny.
 
My brother 16 yrs. older was widowed in 2013 and went on line after the obligatory one year wait recommended for grieving.  Anyhoo, I read his profile as I was ready to jump as I figured if he could, I could.  Well, my brother is as fundamentally Christian as they come.  We don't agree on everything by far and I am a Christian, too.  So, I am reading his profile, and I just couldn't help but get silly and a bit snarky.  He stated he was a first born, and you know from birth order what that means.  Ummm, no, I told him.  He is far from a first born, not being a leader,  does not take initiative, not helping with care of our parents despite being closet to them geographically.  My 2nd eldest brother and I take care of my elderly mother, financially and physically.  He didn't like that.  He also put down he speaks German.  Umm, no.  That makes it look like you are fluent.  You are not.  "I took it in high school and speak some."  I took French for 4 years but don't speak it fluently.  He also had something down about certain exercise classes he did.   Yeah, 30 years ago.  He closed the computer on that critique.  My point, my very honest straight laced brother did not see a problem with umm, embellishing his profile.  Be careful out there!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on August 07, 2016, 03:28:04 PM
Tybec, yikes! Classic!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 07, 2016, 03:41:00 PM
Tybec -- that's rich! LOL!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on August 07, 2016, 04:50:30 PM
Hmmm all of this has me wanting to see I can find my old profile that my ch2 responded to.... I am curious to read it with a new perspective

Arneal, congrats on the profile deletion step you are taking with your local guy. Sounds like things are moving in the right direction for you!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 07, 2016, 05:24:30 PM
Thank you, Semper - we had a lovely time. I am very hopeful.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on August 08, 2016, 07:15:36 AM
By the way I like some of the  sassy/ sarcastic/witty profiles, they catch my attention. I don't like when they go too negative about the online dating scene( if you're on it you know it's not perfect).....I feel like these people will go negative on other aspects of life as well and I'm looking for a positive person.

ok this may sound weird but one aspect of this online dating that I don't like is rejecting people. I have preferences so obviously some guys that reach out to me do not impress me or I don't think they are compatible. I hate telling them that. I often just ignore but it's worse if I start a conversation or have coffee and realize somethings not clicking. How do you gracefully tell someone NO.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Portside on August 08, 2016, 08:04:52 AM
I hate telling them that. I often just ignore but it's worse if I start a conversation or have coffee and realize somethings not clicking. How do you gracefully tell someone NO.

The next time you talk to them maybe say something along the lines of "Thanks for the coffee/dinner/whatever last week but I don't think we are a match. Good luck with your search."

Mike
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 08, 2016, 11:01:24 AM

ok this may sound weird but one aspect of this online dating that I don't like is rejecting people. I have preferences so obviously some guys that reach out to me do not impress me or I don't think they are compatible. I hate telling them that. I often just ignore but it's worse if I start a conversation or have coffee and realize somethings not clicking. How do you gracefully tell someone NO.

klim - this is something I struggled with as well. I had someone nicely give me a rejection and I've mirrored it. So I had sent an innocuous message like, 'I really liked your profile' and he wasn't interested. His response was something to the effect of 'Thank you for stopping by my profile. While I appreciate it, I am not sure we'd be a match. Best of luck in your search!'

I've had a few be weird about it, at which point I ignore them. Occasionally, if they say something that gets under my skin, I have a comeback but try to be decent. Higher road and all that ;)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on August 10, 2016, 11:39:25 AM
Some profile thoughts, since I am reading them again :-)

I would be careful with the negativity.  What's the purpose of dwelling on the negatives of online dating?  In driving training, they tell people to look where you want the car to go, not at the hazards, and I think some of that may apply here.  When I read a profile with a lot of complaints, I wonder if that's how the date will be.  And I've had dates where the major topic of conversation was bad dates - guess how I judged the quality of those dates.  I'd at least keep the negatives clumped together instead of sprinkled throughout.

That doesn't mean that comic set pieces like momtokam's aren't OK, mining something for humor is can be great fun.  And if you're first language is sarcasm, don't waste your time trying to channel Polyanna.  I also don't mean to diss deal breakers - if you won't date a smoker, or won't date someone with kids of any age, or you would be allergic to my cats, it's a time-saver to see this.

I tend to like to know what people are looking for, though I think some people need to give their heads a shake to see if their "asks" even make sense.  For example, one woman here has a horse property with horses and loves the lifestyle - and insists that her suitor also has a horse property with horses.  Is that really necessary? :-)

One more idea: having had two contrasting dates recently, I will be looking at profiles for hints about what I might talk about with a woman.  One woman I met didn't seem to be living a very interesting life, and the topics of conversation were not very interesting, either.  Another had us talking about Henry The Eighth, birth order dynamics, how parenting is different for Moms and Dads, and team leadership.  Guess which lead to a second date and more good conversation?

Regarding turning people down, I greatly appreciate a clear "no thank you" because I can stop waiting and wondering.  I think situations that feel wrong are most often not as much about someone being a bad person as the "fit" just not being right, so something that focuses on that is ideal - Arneal has a good thing there.  I know many women won't do this because they have had blowback from jerks.  I used to take the silence personally, but now I expect to be ignored most of the time (sigh), and just resolve to not do this to the women who express interest in me.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on August 10, 2016, 01:04:40 PM
Okay I thought I would see if I could dig up my old profile summary, and I succeeded. This profile yielded my amazing ch2, and I did get quite a few responses from guys who seemed lovely and decent (but just not for picky picky me) and spent some time on their initial messages to me. I did also still get responses from people way outside my stated age range. I remember one fella was in his 80s. Yeesh.


"Strenuous long hikes in the wilderness are what I look forward to every week, ending each night with a thought-provoking book about neurology, psychiatry, war, or theoretical physics.  Add my dogs into the picture, and I am content.

Integrity, patience, dedication, courage, honesty, perseverance, humility, wisdom.....these are the virtues I strive to embody, and I look for the same on others.

I am testing the waters here on Match. It takes a lot to get me away from my little paradise in the woods, but with the right bait I'll emerge. "
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 10, 2016, 01:18:18 PM
I love that, Semper! I wish I'd saved the one that I had on the site where I met my current prospect ... don't remember what his said either, but the cool thing about the site was that you could indicate interest in someone and if they indicated interest back, the two of you could message one another as much as you wanted for free. We sent a few messages and he sent me his #; I sent him mine and he called in about five minutes. We set up a lunch date and the rest is unfolding now. Guess that means something I wrote and said was working lol!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: StillWidowed on August 10, 2016, 02:05:38 PM
Here was mine.......

I enjoy strenuous long periods of time on the couch while watching The Kardashians, ending each night with a titillating book like 50 Shades of Grey.  Add my ability to break out into night sweats before I even fall asleep and I have another sleepless night!

The ability to know the difference between their, there and they’re, and you’re over half way their…wait they’re….crap, there!

I am testing the waters on this seemingly website of freaks.  It takes a lot to get me off the couch, but with the promise of a really big cheeseburger, I’ll emerge.

No wonder I can’t get any dates……
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on August 10, 2016, 02:11:24 PM
Here was mine.......

I enjoy strenuous long periods of time on the couch while watching The Kardashians, ending each night with a titillating book like 50 Shades of Grey.  Add my ability to break out into night sweats before I even fall asleep and I have another sleepless night!

The ability to know the difference between their, there and they’re, and you’re over half way their…wait they’re….crap, there!

I am testing the waters on this seemingly website of freaks.  It takes a lot to get me off the couch, but with the promise of a really big cheeseburger, I’ll emerge.

No wonder I can’t get any dates……


Lol, hahaha, I think I just died a little of laughter.  ;D

Please for the love of god, someone go forth and use that profile and come back with the results!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on August 10, 2016, 02:15:36 PM
but the cool thing about the site was that you could indicate interest in someone and if they indicated interest back, the two of you could message one another as much as you wanted for free.

Cool template for a site - so if I understand right, no messaging unless mutual interest was expressed? If so, it seems like this would effectively weed out the nasties.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 10, 2016, 02:20:50 PM
Right, Semper -- that's how it was most likely intended. However, there was still the lack of reading on the part of some who expressed interest.
For example, I had one guy message me who lived in Virginia or somewhere. After the first few messages, he asked when I was coming there. I said I wasn't and asked when he was coming to California. He said he wasn't. I said, 'Good luck with your search.' He replied with something like, 'Oh, that was quick.' To which I responded with a bit of logic: If I'm not traveling and you're not traveling, it seems our ability to meet would be um ... limited. He answered with an 'okay' and asked if I was on the site for a hookup. When I said no, he ghosted. The next person I got a like from is the guy I've been seeing. Didn't go back on after that, other than for a quick look around once and then to delete my profile.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on August 10, 2016, 06:49:54 PM
Arneal that sounds like Tinder...

So.... I let one guy know I wasn't interested ia second date saying he was nice but I didn't think our activities/ interest matched...He texted back

"LOLhahaha"
"Too Shallow"

I did not understand so expanded "I like hiking you like antique hunting ec.

He responded "well you were too old but I didn't care, you said it!"  ( he was 49 and I'm 54)

I have no idea what his problem was but as you can see that is why I wanted advice about letting them down easy........and I also think I'm happy I made the call as early as I did based on how he handled it.


Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on August 10, 2016, 07:19:21 PM
Klim, I think some men will start behaving childish with ANY rejection. (And I am sure some women behave the same). For some, there just is no such thing as an easy letdown. You can only Do the best you can do, and how they respond is up to them.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on August 10, 2016, 07:54:52 PM
In one of my profiles I wrote that I could patch sheet rock, mow my own lawn, and swap out the kitchen faucet on my own.  One man replied that he was good at watching joint compound dry, like to watch grass grow, and could turn faucets on and off.  Yes, we went out for a while, but we were at different places in our lives.  He was looking for someone ready to retire.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 10, 2016, 09:04:33 PM
klim - that reminds me of the guy who told me I should put a sign on my lawn that I was looking for someone close by. Some people will be jerks via online media. Doubt they'd have the stones to say it in a face to face situation. Although, I wouldn't bet on it  ;D
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on August 12, 2016, 08:18:49 PM
I've encountered a couple folks who didn't add a picture to their profiles.  One was a doctor who wrote he didn't want his patients trying to fix him up.  Another was a local radio personality.

Current Beau was careful about dating people in his home town:  He was on the city council at the time.  e didn't want to deal with gossip, or accusations that this woman or that one got a variance for zoning or got a ticket "fixed" or whatever.  He dated a couple discreet women, but was glad I lived in another town.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on August 12, 2016, 09:47:14 PM
I've encountered a couple folks who didn't add a picture to their profiles.  One was a doctor who wrote he didn't want his patients trying to fix him up.  Another was a local radio personality.

Current Beau was careful about dating people in his home town:  He was on the city council at the time.  e didn't want to deal with gossip, or accusations that this woman or that one got a variance for zoning or got a ticket "fixed" or whatever.  He dated a couple discreet women, but was glad I lived in another town.

I was contacted on Match by a guy without a picture but he promptly sent one by email. He explained that he was a local attorney and wanted some privacy. Made sense to me.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 12, 2016, 10:13:05 PM
If you use Google Chrome, you can right-click on the photo and search Google for it. That way you can find out if it's been used on scammer profiles. There's also https://ctrlq.org/google/images/ for Google reverse image search if you don't use Chrome :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on August 14, 2016, 06:41:58 AM
Not sure if it is just the bad luck odds from dating sites but I am attracting some weird ones again.  Here is my profile any advice I would greatly appreciate it. 

I can swing a hammer (but I wouldn’t stand too close, seriously stand back a bit), kayak, zip line, and get thrown gracefully off a sea do. But there’s a lot more to me than that, I’m a traditional and sophisticated/outdoor, lady who loves to have fun and let loose.

Here’s what I figure, I’m living my life enjoying my friends and family, seeing and exploring new places, challenging my mind and body and inspiring others to live their best lives. I am very outgoing but sometimes I just like to sit back and listen.

Meantime, I keep learning and getting inspired by taking all kinds of classes from yoga, meditation to the arts. I have to say I am more connected to life and living in the moment than ever before. I am loving life but still missing that connection that amazing wow factor of life.

One of my favorite places on this planet is sitting on the beach at Windy Lake watching my dog swim and just observing the waves and the landscape. Combine that with the right man would be one of my ideal perfect portrait of a wonderful day.

You understand that being bold and gentle, adventurous and kind can co-exist. You also have created some security and success in your life, but that doesn’t define you….you know there is so much more. Maybe you haven’t travelled the world but you accepted your past and who you are. If you’re smiling and this sounds good, get in touch with me and let’s talk.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on August 14, 2016, 09:01:54 AM
Needytoo, looks great to me! I laughed at the first line!

I don't necessarily think there's a strong correlation between the quality of a profile and the weirdos it attracts.....I think the weirdos will respond to anything.   And sometimes too there's just a lull in whose out there... I checked match every month for three months and saw a few recurring faces but plenty of new ones each month.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on August 14, 2016, 09:30:18 AM
Needytoo, I'm sorry you are dealing with the weird ones again. The good ones are out there, it's just that they are harder to find. They are mixed in and rare, amongst all the crazies.

I really like your profile. It's honest and real. But, I'm not a man out there looking. I often wonder what they really are looking for or what will get their attention. My latest crazy sarcastic profile was an attempt to see if a different approach would get a different response.  The jury is still out on whether it has worked or not.

I still believe that being yourself in your profile is the way to go. You want someone to gravitate towards you for the real you. Not some made up idealistic profile. If it takes longer, then it is what it is. I have a new attitude towards all this dating/relationship stuff...If it's meant to be, it will happen. I am not overthinking anything. I am enjoying what comes and open to different scenerios...even surprising myself.

I know it's really hard Needytoo. I hope that real and deserving men will show themselves to you soon.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Portside on August 14, 2016, 11:21:17 AM
Not sure if it is just the bad luck odds from dating sites but I am attracting some weird ones again.  Here is my profile any advice I would greatly appreciate it. 

I can swing a hammer (but I wouldn’t stand too close, seriously stand back a bit), kayak, zip line, and get thrown gracefully off a sea do. But there’s a lot more to me than that, I’m a traditional and sophisticated/outdoor, lady who loves to have fun and let loose.

Here’s what I figure, I’m living my life enjoying my friends and family, seeing and exploring new places, challenging my mind and body and inspiring others to live their best lives. I am very outgoing but sometimes I just like to sit back and listen.

Meantime, I keep learning and getting inspired by taking all kinds of classes from yoga, meditation to the arts. I have to say I am more connected to life and living in the moment than ever before. I am loving life but still missing that connection that amazing wow factor of life.

One of my favorite places on this planet is sitting on the beach at Windy Lake watching my dog swim and just observing the waves and the landscape. Combine that with the right man would be one of my ideal perfect portrait of a wonderful day.

You understand that being bold and gentle, adventurous and kind can co-exist. You also have created some security and success in your life, but that doesn’t define you….you know there is so much more. Maybe you haven’t travelled the world but you accepted your past and who you are. If you’re smiling and this sounds good, get in touch with me and let’s talk.

Needy – If you don’t mind, I’ll offer my comments. A profile and how it impacts a reader is a very personal thing. Just because it leaves one person lukewarm, doesn’t mean it isn’t a great one so please accept my comments in that spirit. Thanks!

First off, very well-written – it flows nicely, spelling and syntax are great and you made fine use of paragraphs. That’s not important to many but for others, poor writing skills make one winch.

As a guy, however, it just doesn’t reach out and grab me. (The hammer comment does though! Good one!  ;D) In general the profile leads a guy to come to the idea that you are on an ongoing quest for self-improvement and that this is important to you. While, I think we can all agree that is a wonderful and worthy goal, that is not what a man wants to read in a profile. I know, I know – what could be wrong with that you ask yourself. Rightly or wrongly, most men don’t care about that. We aren’t interested in your self-growth. Oh, it is certainly a commendable way to live, but guys don’t want to hear about your yoga or meditation activities. That’s girly stuff. We want to know if you would be a good fit for me. Self-centered yes, but that is how it is. A man’s take may be – after all this self-improvement stuff, she’s gonna come after me with it and he’ll run screaming from the room. And “living in the moment” is a meaningless phrase to us.  That phrase means nothing to a guy other than what they hear if listening to advertisements on the Lifetime channel or scan the magazines’ covers in the checkout line at the grocery store.

I mentioned earlier in the thread how one must be careful to write for your prospective matches, not your own sex.  Portions of the last paragraph – “Maybe you haven’t travelled the world but you accepted your past and who you are.”  - will confuse most men. What does traveling the world have to do with my past? Does traveling necessarily mean I have accepted my past? What does ‘accepting my past’ even mean? I haven’t accepted who I am? Wait – what? It’s confusing is all I am saying. Men are, by and large, simple creatures who don’t want to read a profile that causes them to ponder more questions than it answers.

I’m not sure a profile itself attracts or repels creepizoids or the weird. They don’t read profiles for content anyway. They are primarily looking for the desperate and the weak but will toy with a well-adjusted woman if she offers herself. Writing a profile in a particular way will not deter them. I suppose you just have to put up with them until you weed them out.

As I said, what jumps out and reaches me is only one man’s opinion. Please take it as food for thought only.

Good luck! Mike
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Trying on August 14, 2016, 11:49:13 AM
I'm not doing online dating so my opinion really means nothing but this thread is always interesting, making me laugh or cringe at times. 

I think it's a great idea to have a few people of the opposite sex read a profile and give opinions because men and women really are so different.  Needytoo I loved your profile but maybe because it made me want to hang out with you and be friends! Reading Portside's take on it made me look at it in a different way and I could literally hear how my DH would have reacted to any talk of self improvement or self discovery and it made me laugh. I'm also wondering how many men read past the first 2 sentences unless something is in bold...

Good luck to all of you brave enough to put yourselves out there, keep your sense of humor, stay open to different possibilities.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on August 14, 2016, 12:04:15 PM
Thank you for the advice Mike. I think you are correct drop the girly stuff. I will try to change things up and get everyone's opinion.
Momtokam I find writing these profiles very difficult and showing the real me is very difficult.  My sons and I had some pictures taken with a photographer I included one picture in my profile and one guy said he would be worried my sons would kick his ass. At first I was worried about posting a picture with them but I think I will keep it for awhile. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on August 14, 2016, 01:03:39 PM
New revision, and I am up for suggestions.  I find guys ask what I do for a living before asking what my name is so I thought I would answer that question. I live up in Northern Ontario and most of the guys online like fishing and hunting.  I have fished but haven't for years.  Do guys really want girls that hunt? 

I can swing a hammer (but I wouldn’t stand too close, seriously stand back a bit), kayak, zip line, and get thrown gracefully off a sea do. But there’s a lot more to me than that, I’m a traditional and sophisticated/outdoor, a lady who loves to have fun and let loose.

Here’s what I figure, I’m living my life enjoying my friends and family and love to explore new places but feel something is missing.    Yes, I am employed and have the best job. I get to challenge my mind and inspiring others to do as well. I am very outgoing, but sometimes I just like to sit back and listen.

Currently, undergoing a bunch of home renovations and have to admit I am a little overwhelmed.  Just had the weeping tiles changed no more leaking basement which is great but where the heck is my lawn?  Now to make my new shed, I hope I got this.   So glad there is such a thing as wine therapy.  On a brighter side all of this has urged me to find the perfect recipe for Sangria. 

  One of my favorite places on this planet is sitting on the beach at Windy Lake watching my dog swim and just observing the waves and the landscape. I am now out venturing other lakes and going kayaking, sure would be nice to have some company.

You also have created some security and success in your life, but that doesn’t define you….you know there is so much more.  If you’re smiling and this sounds good, get in touch with me and let’s talk.


Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 14, 2016, 05:20:28 PM
needy - I think your profile is very good. I laughed at the first line as well :)

Do you put 'widow' as your status? I think that's a weirdo magnet sometimes. I wonder if those persons think we're desperate, needy, stupid, wealthy, or some combination of all. Sigh.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on August 14, 2016, 05:58:21 PM
I do have widowed as my marital status.  In the beginning of online dating I found when I read that a guy was single I found I "judged"  thinking there was something wrong with them. I don't feel that way now, guess time has changed the way I think about all of this. 
Maybe I should change that as well.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 14, 2016, 06:16:41 PM
I would be curious to know if anyone has 'experimented' with both statuses to see if there is a difference in the caliber of people who respond. I did not do that but I think it was OKCupid did not have widow as an option so I went for single. Got more hits for the little bit that I was on there, but I don't know if that was a status thing or just due to the site itself.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: tybec on August 14, 2016, 06:40:08 PM
I think it was on the former web site that someone recommended not to put widow.  When I finally took the leap, I put widow.  I am single by legal standards, but all singles are not the same.  WE have commonalities, but there are some huge differences in never married, divorced, and widowed.  I didn't limit my matches to widowed, though, and have accepted life is just going to be messy with whoever I date but that it can be grand.  Hope is the anchor to my soul  ;)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 14, 2016, 06:55:26 PM
Agreed, tybec! I was irritated by OKCupid that there was no widowed option. It seemed wrong because as you said, there is a difference.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on August 14, 2016, 08:25:32 PM
I have experimented with widow, and single . Honestly saw no difference . What I do find l even if I list widow , guys seemed surprised when I mention it . Maybe they don't look at that part of the profile ?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 14, 2016, 08:50:20 PM
Thanks for sharing, Momto ... there are many parts of a profile that don't get read :) That was one of my pet peeves. I'd get questions from people and I'd say things like, 'Guess you didn't read my profile -- it's all there' ...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on August 14, 2016, 08:52:02 PM
I am sad that some feel they need to avoid listing their widow status, because I know as a widower I would prefer to find someone who Gets It.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 14, 2016, 09:34:46 PM
Agreed, Rob -- and that we are discounted by some sites, like we shouldn't mention it or something.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: patswife22 on August 15, 2016, 11:24:23 AM
What a learning experience online dating was for me.  I did a profile without putting personal info on it as directed.  However, when I listed my marital status as widowed, I was unindated with what I eventually found to be scammers.  The chats were amazing.  Just what I wanted to hear.  Then the shoe dropped.  They asked for $$$$.  Don't even ask cuz I don't have any to give to family members much less to a total stranger. 

I ended the chats for a bit and educated myself with the help of a fellow widow.  I then changed my parameters to within 50 miles from my home.  I was soon contacted by other guys.  I made a date with this one guy at a bar less than 50 miles away from my home.  As soon as he stepped out of his vehicle I knew it would NOT lead to a 2nd date; he lit up a cigarette.  My one big no-no. 

I had set up another date with this one guy.  He was a no-show.  I got home and found out he had left me a message 10 minutes before we were suppose to meet.  I did not have internet on my phone.  He didn't want to re-schedule so I wrote him off.  Another guy I met up on all days, Mother's Day.  We met at a restaurant/bar.  He was more interested in the hockey play offs than chatting.  I finished my drink said my good bye and left. 

Eventually I struck up another online chat with one guy.  As soon as I suggested meeting up he got evasive.  We did exchange cell phone numbers.  At the same time I was also chatting with another guy.  This guy was more interested in online chatting.  I told him that I was in the midst of something.  He told me he would be patient but could we still chat online.  What harm is that?  When the other guy thought I was after his money I told him I was done.  Good luck with his life and I was in the wind.  I then pursued the other guy for the next month or so. 

Soon after chatting for about a month or so he asks to meet.  I had absolutely no idea it would come to this.  I was hesitant at first then thought WTH!!!  I suggested a place closer to his place.  I thought if it didn't work out I wouldn't have to worry about running into him again.  The 3 hour coffee date turned into a date at the ballpark later that day.  At the game I met his daughter and her boyfriend, his grandson and granddaughter and his ex-wife (the mother of his children) and numerous others.  They all welcomed me into the group.  To make a long story short that relationship turned into a full fledged relationship.  He recently moved in with me.  We've been together for alittle over 3 years and we couldn't be happier.  Luckily, our families and friends have welcomed our relationship.  Luckily, for me he understands my widow status as his previous wife passed away from breast cancer more than a year before we met. 

As each of us go through different aspects of our widowhood, learn from it.  In this new relationship we tell each other "I love you", give each other a hug and NEVER take each other for granted.  Keep the lines of communication open and go with the flow........whenever possible. 

This may not work for alot of you.  You will know when it is your time to accept someone in your life.  For me it was 6+ years of widowhood. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 15, 2016, 11:43:50 AM
Thank you for sharing your story, patswife ... you are right about each of us knowing when we feel ready to have someone in our lives again. And even when we think we know, it may not be right. I had that moment of panic a while ago and it was precipitated by a person I was texting who asked me if I felt ready for a relationship. I hadn't actually thought about 'being ready' until he asked. The problem was, he was trying to press me to meet. I need to decide those things on my own terms. As you said, I was in the wind quick with him :)

The guy I am talking to now was different. There was something about our initial online chats and the first phone conversation. I knew right then I wanted to meet him and we set it up at a place I knew that was about halfway between us for two days later.

I had an epiphany about dating the other day. This is really my first experience that I would call dating. With my first and second husbands, we were in close proximity to each other -- first husband worked as a contracted driver at the university where I was a student so out of seven days, we probably saw each other five or six days even when before we started talking. My second husband and I worked at the same college and saw each other about five days a week as well. I was reading some info on how to conduct yourself in dating situations and one of the things the writer mentioned was giving yourself time to miss one another. I didn't realize how it worked after my previous two relationships that seemed to develop quickly -- it wasn't that they developed quickly, it was that we were always around each other! With ng, we typically see each other on the weekend because we work weird schedules, text after a date, and then text again maybe mid-week to say hello and figure out what we want to do the coming weekend. It is an interesting experience that is teaching me a lot. I had to consider that since the end of May, we've seen each other about every weekend except maybe one or two, so the progression in our connection to one another is pretty appropriate ...

Yes, patswife -- learning experience is the perfect term!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on August 15, 2016, 12:51:32 PM
Patswife, thank you for posting your story. I found it very interesting. I love the lack of hesitation in introducing his family, so cool!

Arneal, I hear ya on the dating thing. Things with my husband also progressed quickly, and we committed to each other rapidly.....me working two days per week and him being medically retired, I feel like I spent more time with him in our 6years than many couples do in 20years. When I was married, I never understood why other unmarried couples I knew didn't tie the knot faster.... I thought "shi*t or get off the pot". But I just didn't know anything else. Anyway, its really weird and new to be moving at such a slow pace with new guy. I understand those people now who are dating or engaged for years before marrying. A slow pace is good for me now.....and gosh the dynamic is just soooo different.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: MrsDan on August 15, 2016, 02:34:25 PM
In general the profile leads a guy to come to the idea that you are on an ongoing quest for self-improvement and that this is important to you. While, I think we can all agree that is a wonderful and worthy goal, that is not what a man wants to read in a profile. I know, I know – what could be wrong with that you ask yourself. Rightly or wrongly, most men don’t care about that. We aren’t interested in your self-growth. Oh, it is certainly a commendable way to live, but guys don’t want to hear about your yoga or meditation activities. That’s girly stuff. We want to know if you would be a good fit for me. Self-centered yes, but that is how it is. A man’s take may be – after all this self-improvement stuff, she’s gonna come after me with it and he’ll run screaming from the room.

I completely disagree. This may not be what YOU care about. But it is what some men do care about. My boyfriend said that what he was really looking for was someone who had their shit together (pause for laughter at the fact that he ended up with me). But what he meant was, he was looking for someone with a good foundation or solid goals to get there. Someone who has things they are passionate about. I would definitely say he is interested in self improvement. He also does yoga and meditates.

While I believe one should keep the person they are trying to attract in mind, I don't believe those things are as gendered as you do. I think you should write your profile with the person who are trying to attract in mind. If self improvement is important to her, why on Earth would she want to go out with someone who doesn't care about her self improvement? Or who only cares about what a potential partner can offer them? That sounds completely unappealing to me. You're operating from the assumption that those are the only type of guys available.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on August 15, 2016, 03:29:24 PM
Portside, I liked reading your feedback. Mostly because it basically summarized how I felt about a lot of men's profiles on Match.

When I was on Match, I saw a lot of men's profiles that had self-improvement bits too....meditation, yoga whatever. For me, I steered clear of those. Even though I am sure they are wonderful men with a lot to offer, I don't have the emotional energy to be a part of someone's spiritual quest. It also makes me feel like if I got serious with that person then they might ditch me in the name of self improvement and enlightenment.

So I think MrsDan is onto something. There are indeed men who are minded like Needytoo.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: MrsDan on August 15, 2016, 03:41:28 PM
One thing that really aggravated me were all the guys who were looking for "active" women. Women who lived lives of non-stop excitement. One guy even said, "You'd better keep up." I'm a mom. My life is not exciting. I feel like anyone can appear fun when you're in a fun setting doing fun things. Sort of like The Bachelor, where they are always in these exotic locales. The people you can bring joy and fun to the everyday, to real life, that's who makes a good partner in my opinion. Someone you're perfectly content to do absolutely nothing with. With my boyfriend, I was honest, and the fact that he didn't run away when he'd ask about my weekend and I'd talk about how I did my cooking for the week, is pretty telling.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on August 15, 2016, 04:42:53 PM
One thing that really aggravated me were all the guys who were looking for "active" women. Women who lived lives of non-stop excitement. One guy even said, "You'd better keep up." I'm a mom. My life is not exciting. I feel like anyone can appear fun when you're in a fun setting doing fun things. Sort of like The Bachelor, where they are always in these exotic locales. The people you can bring joy and fun to the everyday, to real life, that's who makes a good partner in my opinion. Someone you're perfectly content to do absolutely nothing with. With my boyfriend, I was honest, and the fact that he didn't run away when he'd ask about my weekend and I'd talk about how I did my cooking for the week, is pretty telling.

Yeah, I found those type of profiles to be pretty fishy. I am insanely active myself, but I don't give a rip whether my partner is active with me or without me or not at all. It doesn't tell me anything about who that person is REALLY deep down.  Anyone can do fun stuff together....but like you pointed out, it's the downtime compatibility that matters most.

I will admit, when men would state in profiles they were seeking active women, I couldn't help have the hunch they might just be looking for a certain physique.....not sure.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 15, 2016, 05:55:46 PM
I had to laugh about the activity report on a profile because I made sure to say I was going to the gym regularly and was hoping for someone who shared an enjoyment for being fit. I just started going after my husband died because I work a sedentary job and it showed  :P I wanted to put it out there that I was a work in progress and wanted someone who could appreciate that. As it turns out, ng sustained a back injury and lost quite a bit of muscle tone (so he says ... guess I'm just partial because he looks just fine to me lol). He appreciates talking about ways he can get back into strength training and all that so not having a gym partner was certainly not a deal breaker for me. I also stayed away from the profiles where the guy did everything from biking to kayaking to skydiving, etc. If you've got all that going on, I'd never be able to keep up with these knees! And as far as excitement? Not here. I work from home, try to pay my bills, and take care of my dogs  ;D However, ng is pretty low key as well and since I do pretty okay in the kitchen and his ex didn't cook, I've gotten brownie points there! It's about figuring out how you connect with someone. How can we relate to one another in a positive way that brings joy to us both.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on August 15, 2016, 10:34:30 PM
Rightly or wrongly, most men don’t care about that. We aren’t interested in your self-growth. Oh, it is certainly a commendable way to live, but guys don’t want to hear about your yoga or meditation activities.

Men are, by and large, simple creatures who don’t want to read a profile that causes them to ponder more questions than it answers.

Hey, what's not to like about yoga? :-)

I guess I am not as simple as you, Mike.  I have been paying some attention to a relatively new site that seems to be on the rise, MeetMindful.com, which is aimed at people who are a little more thoughtful and comtemplative.  Less makeup, more granola, more Birkenstocks, that sort of thing.  I'd have to head to Boulder to do really well on that site, but it is interesting.

As always, not all of us fit the stereotypes.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: tybec on August 16, 2016, 08:44:39 AM
Just wanted to say I appreciate the different perspectives on things shared, .  I may not always agree, but getting me out of my comfort zone is the only way to grow.  Porterside, I see your points.  I married a Marine who was in Desert Storm, date a vet, come from a family of men, dad being in WW II.  I get your info.  That being said, my one brother is a marriage and family therapist who played football, wrestled, coached, and is a trainer for play therapists for children now,  and he and his wife have the marriage I hope to have some day, a total partnership.  So, I can appreciate the other aspects of lots of men, too.  I guess I am growing to the point not to get offended at a difference of opinion.  Today, at least.   ;)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on August 16, 2016, 09:45:08 AM
I'm having a little trouble with the "active" label. DH and I were active together, that was our thing....it's what I know. It's what I feel comfortable with. I like to hike to camp to bike..but I like hamburgers and fries....it's a balance. I consider myself  tall/big/fit but I'm not buff or lean. I don't have the classic physique of an active girl.

So I go looking for those seeking an active partner and yes quite often I think they are just saying they want someone lean and fit. That is not me.

So I try saying outdoorsy...and I get people that want to camp interior for the whole summer and eat dried whatever....

 Just saying, labels don't always help, that is why these sites are hard to navigate.


Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 16, 2016, 10:45:34 AM
and yes quite often I think they are just saying they want someone lean and fit. That is not me.

So I try saying outdoorsy...and I get people that want to camp interior for the whole summer and eat dried whatever....

 Just saying labels don't always help that is why these sites are hard to navigate.

klim -- yes! 'eat dried whatever'! Made me laugh because that is so on point. LOL!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Mrskro on August 17, 2016, 07:55:59 AM
So this just happened.  Was I too subtle about the skipping the dating part?


Him:  hi there. How is your search going?:)

ME: Oh you know it's internet dating lol. How is yours going?

Him:   Same. I think people like to hide behind their phones:) looking to meet someone. You?

Me:  Oh I definitely agree. But on the flip side I've found a lot of people aren't actually interested in the dating part either, so it's easier to hide behind a phone until you get a feel for someone.

Him:  Are you open to a lover ongoing. One fit and passionate male

UMMM WHAT?!?!?

Me:  Nope, I need the dating part first. But good luck in your search
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on August 17, 2016, 09:22:51 AM
Mrskro, wow....just wow...bizarre.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on August 17, 2016, 10:02:22 AM
Oh boy - why are so many people relationship adverse??? I wish there was better segmentation of dating sites - Ie one site for hook ups, one site for friends with benefits, one site for people really looking to properly recouple ? And everyone sticks to meeting people on their designated site... Lol
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on August 17, 2016, 05:10:03 PM
So after taking a break from online and dating . I went back in , and have a date Thursday night. I have already spoke with him on the phone, and googled the heck out of him. Lol.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on August 18, 2016, 06:20:08 AM
I'm not sure this was a good opening line  what do you think

"You have the prettiest nose I have seen in the longest time. What's your secret"

I just didn't know how to answer??!!??( plus I didn't want to)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on August 18, 2016, 07:41:46 AM
Oh boy klim! 
I've had the nose guy too! And my nose is not small and cute. I gave credit to my Greek parents!  😂
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on August 21, 2016, 07:42:27 PM
Second date today , really wanted to feel a spark, chemistry and nothing ....Sigh . I tried. Now to tell him .. :-(
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on August 21, 2016, 10:11:41 PM
Sorry @momtojandj - always takes a little bit each time we try. Better to know sooner than later, right? I'm sure you'll find an honest way to let him know and wish him well.

I just had a man spend 3 days of phone conversations and texts telling me he is genuine and honest, sane and good, intelligent and spiritually curious, enamored with me, was enjoying getting to know me, looking forward to meeting in person, made and confirmed plans to see me today. Then today came and nothing - no call, no show, no text, no nothing.  Unreal. But he was still alive ... I saw that he clicked on my profile this morning. What? Why bother. What crazy game is that? If you can't make it or even if you want to bow out for any reason at all, just be a grown up, extend courtesy and respect to another human, and just say so. No worries. But this weird behavior, I really don't get it.

Please tell me - what is the magic question to ask to unearth the truth during the "getting to know each other" vetting process?  I don't think crazy/ill-intentioned people are going to say they are crazy and ill-intentioned straight out, right!? LOL ???  Is there some kind of badge or code word I'm supposed to be aware of?

And the cherry on top today - an 18 year old boy just messaged me with this high level line: "Wanna hook up and f**k?"  I asked him if that ever works with women my age and did his mother know what he was up doing tonight? Block.

Where are the legendary real men of which I hear tell?
  :o

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on August 21, 2016, 10:27:42 PM
Sunshine .. Ok the 18 year old.. Ugh! And the ghosting guy ? I don't get it .
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on August 22, 2016, 06:41:48 AM
yes what questions do you ask to get the ball rolling and get a feel for a person ,without it sounding like an interview....
two I  sometimes use are...1) pretend you have $20000 and you have to take a holiday in the next 2 weeks, where would you go and what would you do there?

and then i follow that with 2) ok switching it up a bit you have $20 and a full tank of gas ,how do you make a day of it?

Any other ideas?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: sdarrah1130 on August 22, 2016, 07:11:36 AM
I met NG online.   We played "would you rather" as an ice breaker and to get to know each other.....
e.g. Would you rather steak or seafood, beer or wine, bike or swim. 

Once we got to know each other the would you rathers became quite interesting............
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: twin_mom on August 22, 2016, 05:23:11 PM
I always asked the: you can vacation anywhere, where would you go? Because that has no "wrong" answer, but can tell you so much about a person...
Other things I asked (NG says I was pretty intense with my questioning but subtle which I deny, but I did hit it off with all the people I met in person, so maybe he's right?)
-worst job they ever had and why
-best thing about their job now
-best thing about their most recent ex/relationship- because let's face it, all relationships have something good at least in the beginning and if he can't say one positive thing about his ex then that's an issue
-worst present they ever received
-best present they ever gave

I think these types of get-to-know-yous can really tell you a lot about the person and if their priorities line up with yours.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on August 23, 2016, 07:58:57 AM
SunshineFL,

We gravitate to thinking the best of people and assume they are being honest and genuine. It's pretty sad when we have to start wondering about someone's motives if they seem too nice or too interested.

But we can't change who we are. We can't get jaded. The real deal is out there. It may take some time for them to find their way to us, but I trust that they will.

Is this too PolyAnna thinking? Maybe.

In the meantime, enjoy what comes, have fun, flirt, whatever.... Do what makes you smile. We all know, life is too short. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on August 23, 2016, 08:03:30 AM
In terms of questions, I really don't have a routine or list I go through with new people.

I find it best to just be myself and go with the natural flow of the conversation and let them be themselves. If it flows naturally, it works for me.

If they are psycho, they will soon show their true colours! 😁
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Portside on August 23, 2016, 08:45:35 AM
I also did not have any special list of questions to pose to a date. Honestly I disliked the make-believe scenario type questions from a date as they seemed to me to be a contrived method of just talking. They felt like they were lifted from a copy of Cosmo or something similar.

I've had a very interesting life - ask me about it. Likewise, I'll ask you about you.

There is always something to talk about. It can be as simple as "How was your day?" or "Did you do anything for yourself last weekend?". 

Good luck - Mike

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 24, 2016, 12:30:35 PM
Agreed, Portside. I think because I spend enough time asking interview-type questions for work, I wanted to avoid that on a date. In hindsight, the best thing I did was be me -- the me I am still becoming in this new life. I realized the other day a couple of things that make dating weird:

First, it dawned on me that I've not been single for about 25 years ... nearly half my life. When I got married the first time, there was no social networking and barely personal computers.

Second, in both instances, conversation was much more organic because we saw each other every day (first husband was a contractor at the college I attended and second husband and I worked in the same building). Questions like, 'Hey, how's it going?' weren't awkward.

Now that I am on the other side of both those experiences as a widow, I realized another couple of things:

I need to be me in all instances. I'm too old to be anyone else so I better like me. I better enjoy my own hobbies. I better know how to laugh at my own jokes (and at myself) before trying to allow someone else into my circle. I think I mentioned that I have dogs; I refer to myself as the pack leader and everyone who knows me also knows these two monsters are closer to me than my children. This is my real life so whoever connects with me should be willing to understand my quirks just as much as I try to understand theirs.

For me today, the organic nature of conversation and connection is the same, but different (groan - can't believe I wrote that  ;D). If I meet a new person and only see him once a week or so, I can't expect the level of connection to happen as quickly as it had in my past relationship(s) where I was seeing the person nearly every day. That was an epiphany for me ... NG and I have seen each other nearly every weekend for the past three months, but that would equate to two weeks' worth of conversation between my former husband and me.

When NG and I first met, I can't begin to tell you what we talked about! The phone conversation lasted more than an hour and the first time we met face-to-face, we talked for almost three hours. I think there was a level of compatibility there so we talked about family, where we were from, what brought us to this area, what sort of work we did. We still talk a lot about those general topics, which is also real life, right?

After that long-winded rabbit trail, my advice would be to be comfortable. If playing 20 questions works, go for it. But be sure to listen to what the other person is saying because it goes a long way if you show interest in what he or she says and can remember it later.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on August 25, 2016, 09:25:04 AM
Oh I agree on a date you just have to let the conversation flow...be yourself....

I was more talking about the text you send through the online dating site....the opening line as they say. To see if you want to converse on the phone or meet.

"I like you're profile, how was your weekend?"  .....only takes you so far.

Thanks for the ideas this or that sounds like a fun thing to use.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Mrskro on August 25, 2016, 09:32:35 AM
Klim;

I'm right there with you.  My last few conversations have gone that way.
 Hey, how was your weekend/day/night/?     -  Great, I did x, what about you?   - Oh it was good thanks. -  and then "when can we meet?"

The last guy I asked, why would you want to meet?  We've exchanged a handful of meaningless messages.  You haven't even attempted to engage in a conversation. 

I'm thinking I'm doing this online thing wrong, but I have no desire to get ready and go meet someone that can't be bothered to actually try and converse first.  I don't have a lot of free time to just go meet someone that I may have nothing in common with. 

Is it normal for guys (and I'm sure the guys can say the same about women) to rush right too it?

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 25, 2016, 11:04:29 AM
MrsKro -- I think it depends. There are the creeps who say all sorts of things and then there's, for lack of a better way of putting it, chemistry of some sort. NG and I chatted online for about 15 minutes and I suggested we meet up for lunch because the chats were flowing. That was the first time we 'met' via the online site. We exchanged phone numbers, he called, and we talked and made actual plans. So far, it's going well and we're about three months in since that first face to face meeting that we scheduled for two or three days after the online chat and initial phone contact. I don't know how typical that is. However, the first guy I chatted with online and exchanged numbers with was one of those creeps. We had even talked about meeting, which would have meant I was going to travel. So glad I wasn't able to really consider it!

I think the online chat or text thing is fine but I need to hear a voice. Can we make conversation? What's it like? It will be awkward because we don't know each other, but what do we make of it and do we both feel like a face to face will be cool?

Be your most authentic self. Sure, look good and smell good, but don't go out of your way to be something you aren't. If bubbly isn't your style, don't try it. You'll be able to pick up on whether he is putting on airs for you too :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on August 25, 2016, 02:19:47 PM
Is it normal for guys (and I'm sure the guys can say the same about women) to rush right too it?

I prefer to get the full experience in person.  I figure I can know some details about a woman from the profile, and so I have an idea whether meeting would likely be interesting or not, and my preference is to just make that happen without too many days of messaging.  I don't have to worry about filtering out creepers, I have only had a couple of women turn out to be so bad I wished I hadn't taken the time.  Your mileage varies, of course.  I am happy to message for awhile before meeting, and happy to get on the phone before meeting as well.  There's a countervailing risk that the person will chat your leg off and waste time without ever intending to meet.  I have had that happen, and won't stay in orbit for that long if I see it heading that way.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on August 25, 2016, 08:06:15 PM
Interesting to hear different perspectives on questioning, and how soon to meet.

I didn't ever understand the introductory message of "how's it going?" or "how was your weekend?" call me crazy but I find those to be sort of personal questions, because we have no clue what's going on in each other's personal lives.....and especially being a widow there's just a lot of stuff not ideal for first date discussion.....and I'm not one for pat empty exchanges. That's just me. I would rather share those kind of casual exchanges once mutual and genuine care and interest has been established. Then it feels more meaningful.

I like to get the nitty gritty of someone's life....I ask lots and lots of questions(but not hypothetical imaginary stuff.....more like questions about family relations, values, life experiences)so I can construct an image of who this person is. And I will repeat questions later down the road to check for consistency.

Ch2 and I waited two weeks to meet....which was a bit long for both of us but it's what our schedules permitted. We got a lot of texting in, in the meantime. Not into the phone conversation thing...... I don't have a good auditory memory so I really rely on a combination of clear words(text) and on nonverbal body language..... Having the visual feedback helps me remember what someone says too.......and HOW they said it.



Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on August 29, 2016, 06:50:02 AM
Ok - this is a new one. Texted with a man on Match for a bit. He was a fair bit outside my age range but he seemed a gentleman and from his profile we seemed to have a bit in common. So then silence - which is fine as there are plenty of fish in the sea. But then just heard from him again and his text goes something like- Hi, know I haven't been in touch but was thinking about things and have some concerns about you living an hour south of the city. So - why don't you convince me why I should date you given the distance ? 😳 Oh boy- next !
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on August 29, 2016, 07:16:57 AM
Ok - this is a new one. Texted with a man on Match for a bit. He was a fair bit outside my age range but he seemed a gentleman and from his profile we seemed to have a bit in common. So then silence - which is fine as there are plenty of fish in the sea. But then just heard from him again and his text goes something like- Hi, know I haven't been in touch but was thinking about things and have some concerns about you living an hour south of the city. So - why don't you convince me why I should date you given the distance ? 😳 Oh boy- next !

Thank you so much for contacting me again after your quiet spell. I so appreciate it as you have now CONVINCED me why I should NOT date you!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on August 29, 2016, 08:11:15 AM
Here is one from last month...

Him- Has it been a while

Me- Seriously? Not long enough!

Him- Dam your lucky (his spelling)

Him- You do have nice legs

I really need a face palm emoji! 


Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 29, 2016, 11:50:35 AM
I am over here cracking up about the face palm emoji! So, help me understand why people think such statements as 'convince me' and 'you do have nice legs' after writing something weird is going to make the reader swoon?! I am very confused.  :o
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on August 29, 2016, 03:22:54 PM
"....So - why don't you convince me why I should date you given the distance ? - Oh boy, next!"

Ohmygoodness @captainswife...seriously?

Loved @momtokam's reply suggestion.
Face palm emoji, for sure! LOL ;)

Here is one that just happened this morning.
I clicked on this one man's profile last night and received this note from him this morning (remember, I have a baseball narrative woven through this recent profile of mine):

"you just hit a foul ball because you didnt send me a messasge...lol here's your next pitch....what are you going to do with it...lol" - and gave me his phone number directing me to call him.

I clicked away from his profile last night because it was filled with contradictory messages and I couldn't quite tell if he was there for the hook-up or for a monogamous relationship. There were sexual requirements listed together with sentences that said he was looking for "true love."

But then I was stopped short when I read the next sentence:  “...oh and I'm not attracted to BBW's or "very" over weight women..I prefer thin, athletic built women but if you think you have curves in the right places, I will take a look.

I totally get that we all have our preferences (he was a man of some size himself), and have a sense of attraction at a chemical and visual level, what does it for some and what doesn’t for others, and I don't judge, but I was so stunned when I thought of all the women reading that - - any woman who has any grain of self-esteem and self-respect is never going to (should never) send photos of herself to anyone so her body can be judged by anyone to determine if her “curves are in the right places.” Seriously?  >:( That is just so offensive and demeaning to all women. That is where he lost me.

So I wrote back:
"I think I’m going to call it “hit by a pitch” and take my base – and with bases loaded, bottom of the ninth - thereby breaking the tie and winning the game. Maybe next season."

Moving forward.
Here's hoping the madness stops soon and only the good people step forward on our paths.

BTW, if anyone is in need of some laughs and for some clicking around online about dating, etc, I stumbled upon a lot of fun content and videos here:  http://www.nerve.com/dating-2
Really funny stuff - funny because darkly true! Ugh  ;D LOL

Have a great day ahead, friends.

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on August 29, 2016, 05:11:21 PM
Sunshine.....good grief.

That's all I can say for now, lol
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: fairlanegirl on August 29, 2016, 07:52:16 PM

But then I was stopped short when I read the next sentence:  “...oh and I'm not attracted to BBW's or "very" over weight women..I prefer thin, athletic built women but if you think you have curves in the right places, I will take a look.

I totally get that we all have our preferences (he was a man of some size himself), and have a sense of attraction at a chemical and visual level, what does it for some and what doesn’t for others, and I don't judge, but I was so stunned when I thought of all the women reading that - - any woman who has any grain of self-esteem and self-respect is never going to (should never) send photos of herself to anyone so her body can be judged by anyone to determine if her “curves are in the right places.” Seriously?  >:( That is just so offensive and demeaning to all women. That is where he lost me.

[/quote]
So he's basically a fat bloke supremely confident that hordes of thin, athletic women are going to find him irresistible. Good luck with that, mate. Buwahahaha. At least he's honest, in an odd, dodging-a-bullet sort of way. Something tells me not many larger women are going to state a preference for a thin, athletic guy and demand to check out bits of his anatomy though...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on August 29, 2016, 08:57:15 PM
Oh boy SunshineFL.....Don't hog this guy all for yourself now!

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on August 30, 2016, 10:29:29 AM
fairlane -- you are spot on with that assessment!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on September 01, 2016, 04:32:09 PM
I have been lurking for awhile.  Right now because of some other issues I am facing I decided to take down my online dating profiles.  I might try speed dating, next event is Oct. 1. 

Hope someone is having success with it.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on September 01, 2016, 07:55:53 PM
Hope you are okay, Needy. I understand -- after my experience with the creep back in the spring, I put a halt to my online dating adventures. Be well! Hope you'll come back with good vibes from the speed dating event!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on September 02, 2016, 08:04:26 AM
I have been lurking for awhile.  Right now because of some other issues I am facing I decided to take down my online dating profiles.  I might try speed dating, next event is Oct. 1. 

Hope someone is having success with it.

I hope everything is OK Needytoo. Sending you hugs.

I have always wanted to try speed dating but never did. The one time I was booked to go, I ended up cancelling when someone I had just met felt threatened. Yes, that was a stupid move and my first sign that he was psycho!

Enjoy it and let is know how it goes! 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on September 03, 2016, 02:49:56 PM
Hi Arneal and momtokam.  Going through some renovation nightmares, jerk I hired did a shit show of a job and everything has to be redone.  Taken me two weeks to get a lawyer and I meet with her next week.  In the mean time I hope we don't get a good rain fall or my basement might get flooded.

So needless to say I am having a bit of a trust issue.

 I did before all of this mess did update my profile and made it less girly hippie and did get more responses.  One guy did seem promising then I mentioned my weeping tile issue and he said he has his own issues and actually told me to F off. That is when I took down my profile. 

I haven't slept a whole night since this all started and started online therapy again.  This therapist thinks I am so resilient, haha got him fooled. Got some more sleeping pills from the doctor and slept well last night. Sleep does a body good, doesn't it. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on September 03, 2016, 03:00:11 PM
Hugs, Needy! I hear you. My former husband (FH -- that's the term I've taken a liking to ...) was quite handy and taught me some of his tricks but it sucks to have to handle every household mishap alone.

I hope you meet someone who isn't concerned about his 'own issues'. Ew. Not worth your time if he can't even offer a bit of consolation to a lady trying to keep a house together. NG is a technician and is dying to rewire my audio systems -- cracks me up because the way FH did it quick and easy, not trying to hide any wires, which is the way I would have done it on my own as well. I had an issue with my garage door opener a couple months back; it just gave out. Thought I'd have to scrape up more cash that I didn't have to fix it, but one of the days he was here was an on-call weekend so he had some tools. He got up on the ladder, checked it out, and discovered I had a dead outlet. One extension cord later and it worked. A bit of time went by and I thanked him for fixing it and he commented that he'd found the problem but hadn't fixed it; I had to remind him that where I come from, fixing means whatever you did to get it to work. I think he liked that.

You are resilient, my friend. I wrote something about that on my facebook feed today; we are fragile but the other side of that coin is resiliency. It's there -- sometimes it's just not as strong as we'd like ;) Once you get to a place where you are happy (or at least not worried!) about your personal space, you may feel like getting back in the dating ring. In the meantime, take care of yourself. And pop in here to chuckle at our stories :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on September 03, 2016, 04:54:47 PM
One guy did seem promising then I mentioned my weeping tile issue and he said he has his own issues and actually told me to F off.

What???  Good Lord, some people's children.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on September 04, 2016, 02:46:03 PM
Needytoo, I bet he was assuming that you were just looking for a guy to fix things around the house. His response was a very rude, immature, overreaction though. Delete...next!!

I'm not online dating, but wanted to share that I have a date tonight. This was very unexpected! Long story short, I've been dating two guys off and on. I  decided to take a two week break from both, and have. I recently had to buy a new dishwasher. There was an issue with the outlet. I asked a friend, former electrician, if he could help me. Last Sunday he said he would drop by, but he bailed. I haven't heard from him since, not surprised. Another friend, also a former electrician, offered to look at it. He came by Wednesday and fixed it. He mentioned that he got a divorce last October. I had no idea. Obviously it had been awhile since we had talked. I had plans that evening to see live music at a local bar. I messaged him from the bar that I would have to take him out sometime for drinks. He asked when. I mentioned that I usually have Wednesday and Friday evenings to myself. In fact, I was out now. Anyway, he ended up dropping by. We had a great time. He said he should personally thank the installer for messing with the dishwasher outlet, and the guy that bailed on me. Then he asked me if I wanted to go out Friday. We did! Now we're going out again tonight.

It's unexpected because I have known him for a long time. I've never really thought about him this way. He's not the type of guy I would normally be attracted to, but he's a great guy. For those of you that don't know, my LH was a K9 officer. NG is a detective at the same police department. Right now we are just two people enjoying each other's company. If we start dating the fact that he works for the same PD might make things awkward. Especially for him.

Side note: he told me about his Match experiences, hilarious!!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on September 04, 2016, 06:20:17 PM
Good for you, Virgo. As an aside, many years after my dad died, my mom began a relationship with a man who was our neighbor when I was growing up. Talk about potentially messy -- he had been a friend of my dad's and before my mom had been living with a woman she had worked with for years. It started as a friendship between two widowed people and now they are involved. It can happen and work out. Forget what people say; my pastor just said it today -- people will talk about you, so let them :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on September 06, 2016, 05:04:57 PM
Very true Arneal, people will talk. Well, we were together Wednesday, Friday, Sunday, yesterday, and today! There's just a mutual feeling of comfort and connection. It's nice.

We did talk about the potential awkwardness, especially for him, if this turned out to be more than friendship.  After talking we both agreed that we wanted to see where it was going.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on September 06, 2016, 05:24:57 PM
Glad you are on the same page and hoping for the best for you both, Virgo!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on September 06, 2016, 07:50:00 PM
Needytoo,

I'm sorry you have to deal with all this, and then that idiot and his ridiculous response...Geez!
You are resilient....you are strong. Don't ever forget that!

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on September 06, 2016, 07:50:36 PM
Sound great so far Virgo!  Good luck!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on September 13, 2016, 09:50:28 PM
Here is a new text exchange today with a gentleman on OKC who is interested in getting to know me. Only you folks here will think this is funny/weird but also get it (this is my life?):

Him: How long have you been single?
Me: (not wanting to get into *it* via text, so simply reply) 7 years, You?
Him: 3
Me: (We had spoken on the phone about his son, his ex and some other things the night prior, so I just put it out there because can't hurt to be a bit candid, after all the divorced men I've met who are bitter and angry). Are you on good terms with your ex? No unresolved hostilities or bitterness?
Him: We get along better in tiny doses. You?
Me: (Okay, here we go, have to say something) We parted involuntarily and with a lot of love in our hearts. Cancer. 7 years ago. So, yes, we have an open, loving, one-way dialogue now and can talk about anything without judgment or bitterness. Lots of life lessons learned. ....I wish I could see your face when you read this, or better talk in person.
Him: I'm glad for you my dear. ;)

Haven't heard from him since.
That was at 11 am this morning.

I know he meant the "no bitterness" part, but it was still so awkward and not what I expected to read/hear.  Not reading into it. Don't know him. Not judging him. We'll see if I hear from him again or not.  Just another odd blip on the path of widowed journey dating world, I guess...but a little weirdly humorous for your late night reading pleasure. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on September 13, 2016, 09:58:34 PM
(hugs) You know we get it.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on September 13, 2016, 10:25:02 PM
Thanks @arneal. 
As I read back the text exchange in my post here, I'm laughing because it could really sound or be interpreted out of context that I talk to dead people - which I do, which we all do in some way, right? lol - but not in a text reveal! hahaha maybe that is how he read it!? Who knows?
Maybe I'll get the chance to ask in a light-hearted way if we talk again.
He just texted a moment ago that he had a long and not good work day and that he'd call me soon. So, likely didn't scare him off too badly.  :o
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on September 13, 2016, 10:32:58 PM
Cool! Hope you have good conversations!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: StillWidowed on September 15, 2016, 10:41:17 AM
Soooo....I'm chatting with this cute guy online.  He tells me that he works a lot.  After a little more idle chit chat, he tells me when he isn't working he's at home all the time because his dog has separation anxiety.  What the what???  I think to myself.  Then I put fingers to keyboard and asked him why in the world he was on a dating site if he worked a lot and when he WASN'T working had to stay at home with an anxiety riddled dog?  I reminded him that a dating site was to well.....actually.....ummm....DATE!

His response?  "I didn't think of it that way".  Huh?  I think.  "Maybe I should take down my profile".
Me:  "That's a good idea".  Oy vey!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on September 15, 2016, 10:47:08 AM
Oh, wow, StillWidowed! I have two dogs, one of which is a major ball of anxiety. I talk to her lovingly and still go out :) I am working up to being gone overnight but it's more an issue of having some extra $ to give to someone to check in on them. I have a neighbor who has graciously volunteered so I'm on my way :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on September 15, 2016, 02:27:52 PM
I have been emailing with a guy who gives me one word answers - I have decided to throw in the towel. The last straw - He asked about meeting with drinks - I threw out some dates/times and all I get back is "OK"

Next !

On the more positive side, had 2nd date last night with cute dad my age with young kids who is very funny. Not sure he's a match for me for a few reasons but I enjoy his company and he is a nice guy. He took me to dinner and a concert and we had too much to drink and kissed like teenagers during the concert. Fun !!

Have 2 more dates with different guys this weekend. Just enjoying the casual dating scene for the time being.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on September 15, 2016, 02:38:05 PM
Good for you, CaptainsWife! From all the newfangled dating info I've been reading, keeping your options open is what helps you find that right one. You aren't sitting around, waiting for it to fall in your lap.

The 'kissing like teenagers' made me smile. Yes, nothing like good kissing for sure :) NG and I went to a comedy club last weekend and for the first time it was like a storybook date ... holding hands, arm around me, all that. Not used to it at all, but it was nice. My former husband was affectionate but we didn't do this sort of stuff much and when we did, he kept his affections since I wasn't really into it. First husband was abusive, so there's that. But now, I'm ready :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on September 15, 2016, 08:26:55 PM
So I had a guy email me on match , say I'm a great girl , loves my profile but he's worried about distance . He's maybe an hour away . He emails me a few times, I'm thinking um ok why are you chatting with me , if you feel distance is an issue . Then he stopped. Honestly I don't care. My new horrible attitude. Sigh .
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on September 15, 2016, 10:43:36 PM
Momto -- that's not a horrible attitude. If he was interested for real, he'd do more than send an email occasionally. Okay, so you're worried about distance; are you willing to overcome it? That's a half hour for each of you if you met in the middle. Not a deal breaker, or shouldn't be. Now if he's hoping you'll chase him, there's that. However, if you're not feeling it's worth the effort, don't do it.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Justme2 on September 15, 2016, 11:15:50 PM
How does he know you're a great girl if he's never met you ?
I don't get it and gave up a long time ago. But everyone keeps going right back ( ;
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on September 16, 2016, 06:26:15 AM
Arneal, I'm ok with distance , because where I live I realize I need to be more realistic and expand the distance. He's the one that said he believes I'm too far. Then emails a few times , no mention of meeting, so I wrote him off as he wants a pen pal and that's not for me.

Justme2.... He assumes by my pictures and my profile, that I'm a great girl. The reason I keep going back and trying online is because I have to believe there is someone out there for me , and the chances of meeting someone in real life is just as hard.. So try all avenues .
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on September 16, 2016, 06:55:18 AM
@momtojanaj at least he wasn't this guy who "liked" me this morning....
"I'm a romantic, passionate, single and active 53 years, 5'6", 185 lbs. looking for a loving, sweet woman to share all of life's adventures together in a strong partnership of honesty, trust and love. My herpes has been dormant with no outbreaks for more than ten years but I believe its better to be honest up front so there are no surprises when it comes time for intimacy
I'm looking for the same and I hope you are to."
Bonus:
His stats said he was 46.
 :o
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on September 16, 2016, 08:12:57 AM
Okay, I like honesty as well as the next person. (It's over-rated, like controlling depression with therapy alone)

"My herpes has been under control..." is like saying,  "Anyone who dates me will have to pass muster with Mr. Boots and Fluffikins."  It may be true, but do you really want to lead with this information?

I would never be intimate without passing on this information. I figure it's in my own best interest to give men an opportunity to experience my warmth and wit, first. In fact, no man has ever back out after hearing this info.  I don't know whether this means I truly an warm and witty, or men are congenitally pre-disposed to take every opportunity to get lucky. I suspect it is the second.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on September 16, 2016, 08:48:10 PM
Mentioning herpes in your profile? Wow! He should be honest and forth coming when intimacy is discussed, not in his profile!

My guy and I are still talking and seeing each other almost daily.  It still feels very comfortable.  Earlier today we went shopping for items for his new house. Tonight we're going out.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on September 16, 2016, 11:18:19 PM

My guy and I are still talking and seeing each other almost daily.  It still feels very comfortable.  Earlier today we went shopping for items for his new house. Tonight we're going out.

Happy for you.
Nice how you are staying present with it @virgo ...enjoy, so deserved.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on September 18, 2016, 05:25:07 PM
Oh, Sunshine! Herpes? Really?! Yes, honesty is a good thing but wow, this takes it to a new level.

NG and I are still doing our weekends. I realized last week that I get to about Wednesday or Thursday and end up texting him about the weekend; I decided not to do it this week and was pleasantly surprised that he reached out. He's sometimes more of an introvert than I am :) He also mentioned plans for next weekend before leaving my place, which is cool.

Funny on the communication thing: I was fretting for a while because we don't talk during the week. Then I realized we actually do -- on Facebook LOL! In this day and age, being able to share public but private conversations (last night we were talking about flowers and continued it online today -- nobody would have a clue as to what started it) on social media is communication ...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on September 19, 2016, 06:38:44 AM
Finally some good dating news- had one of my best ever first dates last week with a guy I met on Match. He picked a gorgeous place to meet in Newport for lunch, made reservations and the day of he was running a few mins late so he called ahead to the restaurant to buy me a drink while I was waiting. He found out it was my bday that weekend - so he slipped out in the middle of the meal and asked the waiter to bring me a chocolate torte cake with a candle in it (my fav dessert). So thoughtful, so classy. And as well as being handsome he has a great personality and I saw him tearing up when I was talking about my LH (he asked a few questions). So kind, and sensitive. Who knows where this will go but it was nice to be beaming after a date and see some great, compatable men out there for me. He asked if we can meet up again...and I of course said yes. Swoon...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on September 19, 2016, 08:02:31 AM
 :) Great news @captainswife!
So refreshing to hear a positive dating story...and so deserved.
Swoon away ... And happy belated birthday to you.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on September 19, 2016, 12:23:46 PM
Yay, CaptainsWife -- you've made my Monday! And happy birthday as well :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Lisa on September 19, 2016, 10:10:26 PM
What a lovely date. Happy birthday
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on September 20, 2016, 12:36:59 AM
An unusual offer for a first date:

"Maybe this is weird for a first meeting...do you have any interest in seeing the movie the labyrinth with David Bowie Wednesday night at 7:00 at the timberline theater with me?"

Ooh baby, talk Bowie to me! :-)  I let her know I had a conflict, and no other contact since.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on September 22, 2016, 08:16:16 PM
Finally some good dating news- had one of my best ever first dates last week with a guy I met on Match. ... Who knows where this will go but it was nice to be beaming after a date and see some great, compatable men out there for me. He asked if we can meet up again...and I of course said yes. Swoon...

Not quite as "swoony" as CaptainsWife, but after all the (shall-I-politely-say) "odd" online dating stories I've shared here, this week has had a pleasant surprise introduce himself.  He messaged me on OKC on Sunday, answering the last line of my profile: "Off this site forever? Yes! Sign me up!" ... and then further mentioned what else he enjoyed in my profile and welcome me writing back to him.

We exchanged a few nice messages and enjoyed a really fun first phone call the next day. He was calm, intelligent, we laughed a lot - everything flowed so freely and easily. Tuesday, we texted a bit during the day, and when I texted that I just got home from a long day out and about, he quickly replied that he was in the neighboring town and asked was I busy. He asked if I wanted to be impromptu and meet in person for the first time out at the causeway for sunset. I said, "Sure, I'm up for impromptu - I'm on my way."

Well, three hours later on a school night, we wrapped up our first "meet" and he asked if I'd like to go out this weekend. Yes, absolutely - how nice. We've texted and talked each day this week, the conversations are always enjoyable and fun on a broad range of topics, and he seems to not have any lingering bitterness to past exes - how refreshing, you have no idea!!!  He has already bought tickets to a show for us downtown this weekend, which I'm really looking forward to.

Best part ... he shifted his voice down a bit in one of our chats and admitted that on Tuesday evening, he deliberately planned to "run an errand" near my town with the hope and the off-chance that I'd be able and willing to meet up with him that night. Sweet, right?  :)

Just like CaptainsWife said, no future thinking, staying very present; I like how comfortable I am to be myself in all ways around him and am just really grateful to have crossed paths with someone who seems like one of the good guys .... I was starting to think they were just an urban myth in my town.

So not a vent or a laugh, but nice all the same.
With a new season upon us, you just never know what a day will bring, right?
Be well.
Chat soon.

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on September 22, 2016, 08:38:49 PM
Happy for you, Sunshine!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on September 25, 2016, 07:00:00 AM
Very nice Sunshine and Captain's wife.

Didn't sign up for the speed dating, forgot I had plans that weekend.  Going to go see Adele.  ;D

Signed up for OurTime,and it is odd site. It automatically sends you notices so it looks like people are interested in you.  It is creepy.  Did message two guys. First guy doesn't like crowds and rather just stay home.  Kind of hard to date when you are like that.  The second guy too early to tell. 

Since online dating is far from what I was hoping I thought I would try volunteering at one of our local charities.  I went to a meeting and all the members were speaking french. (I don't speak french) Guess that one isn't for me.   
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on September 25, 2016, 07:19:21 AM
Thanks NeedyToo. I find dating sites, venues to meet people hit or miss. Very dependent on timing of who's online, who is at venue. With dating site I wonder how much "fraud" is baked into how it works.I found hobby related Meet up.com groups to be a good social outlet. Swooned at date 2 with aforementioned guy I went out with (aka sexy Rhode Island guy) but had odd date encounter with widower this past week. He said to me on the date- I wasn't sure whether to go out you since you are a widow...hmm. I asked him to elaborate and he said last widow date cried on him and it was uncomfortable. Was surprised to hear that from a widower...and no I didn't cry on him...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on September 25, 2016, 05:33:50 PM
Needy - excellent reason not to have done the speed dating. Sure Adele was wonderful!

Captains - you hit it just right: all dependent on who's online when. The fraud thing is an excellent point as well; I'd read something somewhere that a number of these sites are all tied in together. I was on one and a guy messaged me. We started corresponding and he asked me something that was obviously indicated in my profile; when I said that, he asked me which site I was on. After a few rounds of Who's On First (which site are you on? this one? which one is that?) he told me he was on a totally different site. Weird. I would say the widower comment just reinforces the notion that there is no way to tell when someone is ready to date. However, sad that it was such a scarring experience that he nearly missed meeting such a wonderful person as yourself!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on September 26, 2016, 08:20:22 AM
Thanks NeedyToo. I find dating sites, venues to meet people hit or miss. Very dependent on timing of who's online, who is at venue.Where I live, POF is pretty much blue collar, OKCupid white. With dating site I wonder how much "fraud" is baked into how it works. I think they use your picture to lure other people into being more active on the site. I'm certain they do when you 'de-activate'your profile, and that's why they discourage you from deleting it entirely. I found hobby related Meet up.com groups to be a good social outlet. Swooned at date 2 with aforementioned guy I went out with (aka sexy Rhode Island guy) but had odd date encounter with widower this past week. He said to me on the date- I wasn't sure whether to go out you since you are a widow...hmm. I asked him to elaborate and he said last widow date cried on him and it was uncomfortable. Well,yeah, it would be. If I wasn't up to going out, I'd cancel and re-schedule.Was surprised to hear that from a widower...and no I didn't cry on him...

And yes, many of the sites are the same outfit under different names. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on September 26, 2016, 09:01:54 AM
Well, as long as these dating sites are using my picture in another state on the other side of the country....I can cope with that.
  Otherwise I'd be pretty embarrassed to be showing up locally on a dating site now.  I live in a small-ish area and I saw several familiar faces  when I was on Match. I'd hate for local yokels to see me on there at present.....especially when I am now in a relationship.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on September 26, 2016, 02:54:19 PM
Good point, Semper - you may want to see who owns the sites you currently have profiles on to identify if there might be the off chance that they post to your locale. You may want to just delete them. If you aren't sure, copy/paste your fantastic profile info into a Word doc and save it to your own computer :)
Title: Getting hacked
Post by: RobFTC on September 28, 2016, 07:11:48 PM
Hi gang, I hope others find parts of this funny enough to make up for the length ...

The other week, I happened to notice a, bright, chipper e-mail from match.com, saying this:

"Your account updates went through without a hitch. Take a sec to make sure everything looks OK."
                                   Email address:  william_lester3@aol.com
                                                      <View profile>

OMG, whatchoo talkin bout Willis?  That ain't me!  But sure enough, I can't do squat.  Can't log in, phone app disconnected, etc.  This sucks, I have already had to fix my TiVo twice and had another computer throw a hard drive recently.  I must be tech cursed right now.

So I try to figure out how to contact them - wow, what a horror show.  There might have been a possibility of calling a phone number if I was logged in, but haha, of course I am not, am I?  I find a form that promises a response within 48 hours and fill it in with "I've been hacked!" and as much info as I can think to include.

The next day, I wonder - I reload that e-mail and click on <View profile>.  I get to a screen where I am asked to supply my birth date; when I do so, I find I have account access, and can change my password and my e-mail address.  Wow, cool!  I haven't heard from match, so I poke around.  Our friend Clem Kadiddlehopper kept my opening and closing lines, but rewrote the guts my profile with a lot of The Best Words, including making me a divorced native Coloradoan who'd spent a lot of time out of the US recently and was about to embark on an Exciting Venture.  He'd also made me taller, LOL! :-)  Some of it was SO thick and hackneyed it just hurt.  How did this stuff get through the focus group?  So I rewrite a new profile from scratch, mentioning that I've been hacked and would folks please not think any e-mails on MM/DD were from me.  I can't tell any were sent, but who knows.

The next day, still no contact from match.  I got a ping from a woman who thought I was cute and wondered if I had a beard or not.  Um, I have had this goatee so long, science isn't sure what's under there, why do you ask?  So I go look at my photos - he's uploaded a couple of clean-shaven photos that I don't think looked like me, or as good as me!  (Hijacks-R-Us must not have had the budget to use good pictures.)  And it took me two days to notice :-(  I fix that and reply to said lass that yea verily I sport facial hair.  She thought the hacker's photos were better, apparently.  Hmph, no accounting for taste!  Hey hon, if you find him, I hear he has this Exciting Venture ...

The final calamity was this: after six days (nearly seven), match.com finally thought they Had To Act, overnight, on my earlier trouble report, having seen Suspicious Activity.  (This must have been the Rapid Response Team!)  They announced that they were restoring my profile from backup, at some nebulous time soon.  Which wiped out at least six days of messages, plus all of the sparkly turns of phrase in my new profile that I wish I'd been able to hang onto :-(  And they explained that despite the restore, some settings in a few places would not be set back as they were, and I would have to check those ones myself.

Soon after, they sent out one of those little "did we provide you with excellent service today?" surveys.  I admit I had some fun filling that out, including a detailed account of how they messed me up and a suggestion of what would have actually HELPED me after six days of thinking I was on my own.  I hope my rating spoiled someone's bonus; I know some of my phrases should have warmed their coffee.

All good now, except for an odd uptick in incoming interest from out-of-state that makes me want to go over my settings a tenth time.  That's apart from the ever-present 28-32 year old gorgeous scammers whose profiles self-destruct like Mission Impossible in an hour or two.

So boys and girls, make sure you don't re-use passwords all over of God's green earth, or this might happen to you! :-)

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on September 28, 2016, 08:06:11 PM
Oh Rob! I am so sorry and admit I giggled through this. So sorry you've had all this occur. I wonder who that crack team of customer service specialists are at these sites and how they manage to not have real contact info available when things go kaput. I suppose there's something in those wonderful Welcome emails they send when you sign up, but now that you've investigated and all, that suggestion is a wee bit outdated :)
All the best with your double new and improved profile!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: daysofelijah on September 28, 2016, 11:28:46 PM
Rob, the same thing happened to me earlier this summer on match. I hadn't logged in in a long time, but I was trying to help a guy friend to move on from asking me out multiple times despite me telling him I'm happy with bf, by helping him set up a match profile and he wanted to see my old profile...

Anyway, yeah someone hacked my account, changed all the info, and charged a bunch of upgrades on to my account that was somehow still connected to PayPal. After dealing with the customer service, I got most of the $ back and account deactivated again. What a pain though! Hopefully I don't ever need to use match again!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on September 29, 2016, 01:19:35 PM
Oh, wow, Amy! That is horrible but thank God you found out before more was taken from you.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on October 01, 2016, 08:34:11 AM
 :) How nice to be casually enjoying the company of a really good man these last couple of weeks. Laughter, good conversations, picnic on the beach and ... guess what ... I even trusted him completely to try something new-to-me ... rode on the back of his Indian motorcycle at the beach at sunset!

So
Much
Fun!

Staying present and enjoying new experiences on a lot of great levels.
We are going out for my birthday later tonight - looking forward to that.

Have a happy weekend, friends.
Hope you are all well.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on October 01, 2016, 08:52:00 AM
:) How nice to be casually enjoying the company of a really good man these last couple of weeks. Laughter, good conversations, picnic on the beach and ... guess what ... I even trusted him completely to try something new-to-me ... rode on the back of his Indian motorcycle at the beach at sunset!

So
Much
Fun!

Staying present and enjoying new experiences on a lot of great levels.
We are going out for my birthday later tonight - looking forward to that.

Have a happy weekend, friends.
Hope you are all well.

Congrats Sunshine 😊 Glad to hear you found someone you are meshing with!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on October 01, 2016, 09:59:53 AM
Have fun, Sunshine!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: serpico on October 01, 2016, 01:14:56 PM
I even trusted him  completely to try something new-to-me ... rode on the back of his Indian motorcycle at the beach at sunset!

Don't let him tell you that's a gearshift you're holding on to. It ain't.  :o
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on October 01, 2016, 03:10:27 PM
So funny @serpico!
Yes, don't even get me started on all the heightened and tuned-in senses during the motorcycle ride - arms around man, roaming hands, straddling the seat, breasts on back, nestled close together ... wait, that is another thread here!
Whoa....
...back to our regularly scheduled programming.... ;)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on October 01, 2016, 03:13:11 PM
Thanks kindly @arneal and @SemperFidelis.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on October 01, 2016, 03:14:35 PM
Amen, Sunshine -- my NG has a Harley. We haven't gone riding yet as he's about to upgrade and wants to wait until he's got the bigger one.

Could also be another thread  :o :P
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on October 04, 2016, 07:58:07 PM
Looks like my online is on pause . I need to go get new pictures done, I will attach my new look .. Went for a new look, dark hair . Ignore glasses , I don't wear them . However, could you imagine showing up with such a drastic look on a date lol
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on October 05, 2016, 04:42:14 PM
Haven't been on line much these days but I still have a giggle for you all.

I had been chatting with someone in January and all seemed great until he went poof! He tried to start up again in March. I didn't give him the chance. He couldn't remember my name!   Then this exchange this week on the dating site....

Him -
I want you...
It's XXX... you still have my number?

Me-
Seriously XXX?
You had your chance and blew it!
You probably still can't remember my name!

Him-
really... I don't think we spoke...

Me-
If we didn't speak, how could I have your number?

Him-
ok...so text me then...really like you..

Where is the face palm emoji?

Here is my reply back....

I wish you could hear me laughing!
I have an awesome laugh.
Too bad you can't remember it and that you will never hear it again. 😁
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on October 05, 2016, 05:02:39 PM
There are days, momto, that it seems nearly impossible. We couldn't make this stuff up if we tried. Glad you can laugh about it!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on October 10, 2016, 07:32:08 PM
Two different men who I interacted with ("met" seems weird because we actually never met in person, just online messages, texts and phone calls) from OKC this summer texted me on the same day this past week. I hadn't heard from either in several weeks if not months. They both live on the east coast of Florida, about 3.5 hours away from me. They both thought of me on the west coast of Florida as they were making their evacuation plans from Hurricane Matthew. They both used the phrase....I'm thinking of coming to the town where I know this beautiful, intelligent, mystery woman lives to escape the impending storm and would love to meet up with you.

I couldn't contain my laughter!
Apparently we have now established that it requires Category 4 hurricane force winds, life-threatening rains and imminent flooding to motivate some men to want to traverse the state to meet me in person!!!  ::)

You can't make this stuff up, my friends.


Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on October 10, 2016, 08:31:06 PM
No way you could make it up ... plus, what's with the same lingo in both messages? Same person perhaps?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on October 10, 2016, 09:08:18 PM
...not the same man, @arneal, not identical sentences. I was just being concise and combined the same sentiments they expressed for this post. Thx.  :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on October 10, 2016, 09:12:05 PM
Lol! Well, thank goodness! Online dating world is weird enough  :o :D
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on October 15, 2016, 11:20:06 AM
Question for everyone, when do you give out your phone number? 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on October 15, 2016, 11:51:03 AM
Hi, Needy: I added a second phone number to my mobile. If you search your app store, you should find Sideline -- it's free and works like your regular number. There is a paid version but I don't use it that much. It allows you to make and receive calls and texts. I like it because I don't want someone I am unsure about to have my real # straight away. I used it as the contact number when I signed up on dating sites as well. In the case of NG, I gave it to him the first time we chatted online and used it for about a month of our initial contact. I then gave him my regular mobile #. Funny you asked this question because he happened to call me on the Sideline # yesterday as he still has it programmed in his phone :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on October 15, 2016, 05:47:46 PM
Needytoo, with online I usually offer my number just before first meeting in case someone is running late, and half the time she's offered her number by then as well.  Of course, in person, which is coming up more, I usually lead by asking for a number, and they don't really know a lot about me there.

Arneal, Sideline sounds cool, though my App store is catatonic right now.  Another option for those on match.com is their anonymous matchPhone feature, which appears useful.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on October 16, 2016, 08:13:48 AM
So, I pretty much have my profile hidden 90 percent of the time anymore . Tired of the games that go on ..  Anyway .. Happen to go on the other night and I received a message . So , off to check his profile and he smokes . I respond , nice to hear from you however I prefer to not date smokers , good luck . He responds , ok your so beautiful I will quit . I respond , hold on while I step out of the bull@@ you just left . He says , no really I will quit for you .
Same night , receive a message from a guy I already went out with over a year ago . He doesnt remember me, probably because on the date he stared at my boobs all night .
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on October 16, 2016, 08:19:40 AM
Yikes momtojandj.  I have been chatting with a few guys and now they want my cell number. I have given it out in the past but really having trust issues right now which I know isn't helping me get a date. Wish my brain would shut up.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on October 16, 2016, 08:27:04 AM
Needy,
I actually don't mind giving my number out . I find it weeds out people fast . Also once I have their number I can google and try to get some info. Usually not a lot since it's a cell , but I have gotten lucky on a few . Like the guy who said he was 50 and separated. When I put in his cell number in Google , it went to a resume which led to other things and he was 55 and married still. Hmmmm... Second thought, I get your trust issues .. Sorry ! If it doesn't feel right , don't exchange numbers .
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on October 16, 2016, 01:55:34 PM
I have given it out in the past and you are so right Momtojandj it does weed out those people that really not ready for a relationship.  I need to get over this darn trust issue and the only way if is I trust again. 

This guy that wants my phone number so far is someone I really want to get to know better, the problem is he lives 3 hours away.  Not sure how this is going to work out. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on October 16, 2016, 02:26:02 PM
Momto ... I confess, I had to laugh about the no-remembering-because-of-boobs guy. It is a crazy thing, this world of dating. That's why a couple of dear friends and I call it 'junior high'. So silly.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on October 16, 2016, 03:06:14 PM
Had contact with a guy who on the surface looked reasonable......  Then he turned into mr spamalot.
Want to chatt????
15 minutes later
TOO busy???? it's okay you can just delete me

20 minutes later
You still online ..not to busy now???

10 minutes later
You're beautiful chatt??

 next day starts all over
 why don't you chatt, you are beautiful .i just checked you're widow so sorry I hope I didn't offend. Want to chatt?? want to chatt. YOu can delete me ( then proceeds to tell me how to block him)
 in to the evening
Want to chatt??? now still too busy??
In a 24 hr period he contact me 15 times  I only responded to 2 of them. And yes I could have blocked him but I wasn't annoyed, just amused, trying to figure out his game.
And kinda imagining a feverish squirell type man in frenzied action over his keyboard.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on October 17, 2016, 05:10:37 AM
Some of these posts have me literally laughing out loud.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on October 17, 2016, 06:52:52 PM
Haven't been on line much these days but I still have a giggle for you all.

I had been chatting with someone in January and all seemed great until he went poof! He tried to start up again in March. I didn't give him the chance. He couldn't remember my name!   Then this exchange this week on the dating site....

Him -
I want you...
It's XXX... you still have my number?

Me-
Seriously XXX?
You had your chance and blew it!
You probably still can't remember my name!

Him-
really... I don't think we spoke...

Me-
If we didn't speak, how could I have your number?

Him-
ok...so text me then...really like you..

Where is the face palm emoji?

Here is my reply back....

I wish you could hear me laughing!
I have an awesome laugh.
Too bad you can't remember it and that you will never hear it again. 😁

Soooo....he didn't give up! 😁

Him-
you lost my number...I want to hear you laugh

Me-
xxx-xxx-xxxx

Him-
lol...so text me...I signing off...

Him-
wow...still waiting...lol

Me-
Really?
Hmm....

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on October 17, 2016, 07:41:12 PM
Boy, changed one word in my profile and activity goes crazy. ...

More giggles.....

Him-
Hi. Yes. You. Have hot. Legs. I like. All. Of. You. Xxxx.
Today - 8:02pm

Him-
What's. Your. Name.
Today - 8:07pm

Him-
Why. Are. Not. Talking. To. Me
Today - 8:10pm

Him-
Ask. Me. Aim. Very. Nice. Guy. Italian
Today - 8:18pm

Me-
I. Can. Read. Whole. Sentences. Too.
Today - 8:29pm

Him-
Ok. Good. Let's. Meet. For. Coffey. Say. Yes.
Today - 8:32pm

Edited to add that after a few messages, where he continued his "full stop" approach, and looking at my profile 30 times,  and still asking questions that are spelled out in my profile....He asks what kind of men I date. I asked what do you mean? He said White. Men. Or. Black. Men.

I replied....

I. Found. Your. Last. Question. Offensive.

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on October 17, 2016, 08:49:26 PM
Needy,
I actually don't mind giving my number out . I find it weeds out people fast . Also once I have their number I can google and try to get some info. Usually not a lot since it's a cell , but I have gotten lucky on a few . Like the guy who said he was 50 and separated. When I put in his cell number in Google , it went to a resume which led to other things and he was 55 and married still. Hmmmm... Second thought, I get your trust issues .. Sorry ! If it doesn't feel right , don't exchange numbers .

Sometimes cell phone searches can yield a lot of info and other times nothing.

I try to wait a few messages before giving a cell to weed out the crazies, like the one above who gave his and asked me to text. I waited a few messages and I'm glad I did!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on October 17, 2016, 08:50:45 PM
Some of these posts have me literally laughing out loud.

Me too!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on October 19, 2016, 10:02:53 AM
Momto -- full stop guy: wow!

I have tried the Google search on mobile phone numbers and didn't have much luck, which was why I was happy to find Sideline so I wasn't giving out my primary number straight away. I appreciated the opportunity to connect off-site since many of the ones I had been on required you to pay and I wasn't sure I wanted to do that. However, the number of men who wanted to use apps instead of texting was sort of weird to me. I'd get questions like 'Do you have so-and-so app? Let's connect there and get off the site', or some were more direct and would say, 'Download so-and-so app so we can talk offline'. Really? I downloaded one of those apps when one guy asked me nicely and after our messages on the site were friendly. However, he used too many emoticons and too much text-speak for me (I text in full sentences - ha!). Eventually, I used the free weekend opportunities and tried to stay on the site longer because of the weird experiences. It was one of those free times that I ended up meeting NG :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: serpico on October 19, 2016, 10:29:00 AM
I'm trying to think of a downside for giving your number out when the purpose is to actually date these people.  You can always block the psychos.  Am I missing something?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on October 19, 2016, 10:33:01 AM
serpico -- for me it was a matter of trust. I don't know who's on the other side of the screen. I need a minute to get to know the person. I felt better offering an alternative to my primary mobile # first rather than a complete aversion to giving out a number. Can't speak for others but that was my rationale :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on October 19, 2016, 03:29:15 PM
You are so right Serpico. I battle with the being safe and the trust side of things and then decided to go with trust.  I gave this guy my number who was messaging me a lot using the online dating app since giving out my cell number haven't heard a thing.  Very confused but moving on. 

Had one guy message me and ask why I was single.  I told the truth and then asked him the same question.  He said it was because he hasn't met me.  He has down on his profile he is a chef, so I asked where he works, and he told me MacDonald's.  Yep, trying not to judge.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on October 19, 2016, 04:37:33 PM
Too funny, Needytoo. ;-) At least he's honest?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on October 20, 2016, 08:20:34 AM
Disabled my OKC account - yet another online break seriously needed after yet another married man tried to connect with me.  This one texted with a good morning message saying that he wished I lived closer to him.  Two or three short texts later, I asked if he was widowed, divorced or never married, at which time he reveals his separated status. (Why do people think separated means single when it means still married and legally bound to another?)

He then shared that he has lived apart from his wife for 5 years but hasn't felt the need to press the divorce as he hadn't found anyone new yet?  (WHAT?) I mentioned in my last text reply to him that perhaps that was because women perceive him as not yet available. Seriously odd dating world for me to navigate.

I don't know how some people do it, but happy for them.
Somehow, I hold hope and belief .... everything in its right time.

Sunshine wishes to anyone reading, friends.
Have a good day ahead.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on October 20, 2016, 12:41:15 PM
Thanks for sharing, Sunshine. That is an interesting reply ... hadn't pressed it because he hadn't found anyone new sounds like the not-yet-ex may still be a FWB. My LH had been legally separated from his former when we met; he hadn't finalized because he was standing on the grounds that she should pay a portion of the costs. When that didn't happen, he filed. I actually did the paperwork :) NG was separated when we met and his divorce just finalized last month. It was something I didn't talk about with him, even though he brought it up straight away; I tend to be more of a wait and see, and if you don't do what you say I'll call you on it. I didn't have to call BS in either situation, thank God, and both LH and NG were/are worth the wait in my estimation :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on October 20, 2016, 04:29:04 PM
I don't see separated as a redflag. The separated people( men and women) I know have many different reasons why it takes time. I actually have never met any them that say they are just waiting to figure out if it is for real. Mostly it is just not wanting to deal, financial delays, time to come to agreements...lawyers , court delays...lots of different reasons. Quite often they are ready to move ahead before all this comes in to place.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on October 20, 2016, 04:49:14 PM
Disabled my OKC account - yet another online break seriously needed after yet another married man tried to connect with me.  This one texted with a good morning message saying that he wished I lived closer to him.  Two or three short texts later, I asked if he was widowed, divorced or never married, at which time he reveals his separated status. (Why do people think separated means single when it means still married and legally bound to another?)

He then shared that he has lived apart from his wife for 5 years but hasn't felt the need to press the divorce as he hadn't found anyone new yet?  (WHAT?) I mentioned in my last text reply to him that perhaps that was because women perceive him as not yet available. Seriously odd dating world for me to navigate.

I don't know how some people do it, but happy for them.
Somehow, I hold hope and belief .... everything in its right time.

Sunshine wishes to anyone reading, friends.
Have a good day ahead.


I am definitely of the mindset that marriage is a state of relationship, a commitment. The legal certificate from the courthouse is an entirely different legal matter.....essentially meanjngless in terms of whether someone is single or not. LH and I married early on but waited a few years before getting the marriage certificate....there just wasn't a reason to until of course there was.

So to me having the ongoing legal loose end of unlegalized divorce hanging is not a big deal. No bigger than any other legal dispute. The imperative thing in my mind is that the relationship is over and they aren't savoring any hope for working shit out. Sometimes there just isn't any reason to deal with legal garbage until there is good incentive to do so.

So I would totally agree with the guy that separated is equivalent to single.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on October 20, 2016, 05:51:08 PM
Hi, all -

I didn't mean to start anything of depth here in the shorthand in which we post on this "vents and laughs" thread. We don't know each other personally, our voices or tone or how we communicate or even the "whole picture" of these little vignette "slice of life" moments we share with each other here.

To clarify...
I completely understand that each and every person and their life story is unique and personal to them.
Every marriage and every couple's relationship is different and unique to them.
I solidly get that there are countless reasons why people might separate yet stay married for any length of time and for any reasons that are right for them.
And I don't judge others for their personal choices ever.

I am aware that, as I type this out to the world, there will be some who don't connect with how I express myself or who I am. That is okay. Some will label things with a definition of a word that means something to them - (such as what separated means, etc.) - but that same word means something else to someone else entirely. We all wear our own unique lenses of how we see things.

When I post here to the board, please kindly assume I'm speaking about myself only - not a blanket statement that applies to all.  So, in speaking for myself only and what works for me personally, I just know that to be truly ready to partner with me in all the ways and on all the levels that I intimately navigate the world, that a man will likely have to be disconnected from his past relationship(s) sufficiently to have learned at least some of what he needed to learn from them, grow from them in the ways he needed to grow, have reflection and hindsight a bit from it all, to have some clarity about it, and more - and in most, not all, cases, that usually means not shifting seamlessly from one relationship to the next without a bit of time in the middle to do his own core healing "work."

That is just me - and I get that that is not everyone.  For many, time/divorce/legalities/connections of any sort on any level aren't an issue in the least and work beautifully for them - I love that they have found each other and are good with each other in their new relationship together.  Wonderful.  I don't necessarily agree with the blanket statement, however, that someone who is "separated is equivalent to single."   They aren't, but I get that every circumstance and everyone's situation and sensibilities are different and I respect each person for that completely.

Be well, friends.




Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on October 20, 2016, 08:13:42 PM
I had this come up awhile ago.  A woman I had been talking with on OKCupid last October felt the need to confess before we met that she was separated, not divorced.  In talking with her about it, she was the one holding off, with a serious sense of guilt for having a marriage fail and with some hope of reconciliation.  I declined to meet her, as when literally the easiest thing legally is to reconcile and there's hope of that, it felt like she needed to deal with her stuff first.  I know I don't pursue someone who lists themselves as separated.  I told her I would be happy to meet once her divorce was final.  Interestingly, she popped up on match.com and favorited me in September, and we did wind up going out.  No sparks, though.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on October 20, 2016, 08:53:38 PM
I had dates with two men who were separated and had no plans to divorce.  I didn't want to deal with those complications.  It gives the impression of maintaining a FWB.  I got the feeling if I got too involved, I'd be the recipient of the "Oh, my *wife* and I are going to give it one more try" speech.  It's sort of a no-man's land.

 Of course, couples break up all the time, I know, for all kinds of reasons.  I can see dating someone who has filed and is on the way to a divorce, but not someone who's just taking the path of least resistance.

In my experience, most of the men who stated in their profiles they were looking for someone "open-minded" were married men with no intentions of divorcing.  I'm not that open minded, I guess.

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on October 20, 2016, 10:16:31 PM
I had dates with two men who were separated and had no plans to divorce.  I didn't want to deal with those complications.  It gives the impression of maintaining a FWB.  I got the feeling if I got too involved, I'd be the recipient of the "Oh, my *wife* and I are going to give it one more try" speech.  It's sort of a no-man's land.

 Of course, couples break up all the time, I know, for all kinds of reasons.  I can see dating someone who has filed and is on the way to a divorce, but not someone who's just taking the path of least resistance.

In my experience, most of the men who stated in their profiles they were looking for someone "open-minded" were married men with no intentions of divorcing.  I'm not that open minded, I guess.

Very strange to me - I wonder why they would have zero intention of divorcing legally..... I don't know enough about the legal system to understand what the benefit would be. Puzzling.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Mrskro on October 21, 2016, 08:06:54 AM
I have found people define words completely differently, and I too don't understand why people are content to live in perpetual separation.  A friend of mine is separated from her husband, its been 5 years.  They are both in committed other relationships but neither has taken any steps to divorce.  He has now posted on facebook that he is engaged.   UH what?   How does that work?

I'm not sure it would be a position I'd want to be in.

The term single parent gets to me too.   I had one guy tell me we were in the same position being single parents.  I replied with 'a tough spot to be in free time isn't a huge luxury anymore.'   His response was it's not that bad I have my kids twice a week and every third weekend.   OH yeah that's the same thing.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: kjs1989 on October 21, 2016, 08:59:09 AM
For me, it just wouldn't work to try and move forward in a relationship with a guy who was still legally tied to his wife. The marriage certificate is more than a piece of paper to me.

When I met New Guy over three years ago, he had been divorced for five years. Even after that period and up to the present, his ex has tried to insert her influence quite often in his life, mostly in financial dealings. She doesn't have a leg to stand on, of course, and he does not allow her to cross boundaries at all, but nonetheless she still tries to, time and time again.

If he was still legally married to her, those boundaries would be more difficult to enforce. There would be no way I could see being involved in that triangle.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: tybec on October 21, 2016, 10:46:28 AM
The piece of paper matters or we wouldn't have it IMHO.  It matters legally with fiances, responsibilities, who can do what in a health crisis, etc.  I know someone who won't divorce because he does not want to give up assets his wife is entitled to.  So, he is dragging it out, hiding what he can, having new relationships that really can't go anywhere truly.  My poor brother who married at age 50 married a crazy woman.  We saw red flags, but we were happy he finally found someone. She KNEW that after 3 years of marriage, she was entitled to half of his federal pension and health benefits the rest of her life.  WHO knows that?  He worked 29 years for the feds, had great benefits and she had nothing when they married.  She put them into half a million dollars debt in 4 years, got sick with cancer, and then died.  He has since remarried and they are finding all kinds of things she did financially behind his back.  He isn't responsibly for most of it, but still crazy. There are just so many stories out there about the legal ramifications of the marriage contract.  Can you live with all that? Your call...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on October 21, 2016, 10:56:20 AM
Oh, tybec -- that is horrid. You and others here are right to bring up the tangle of complications that 'separated' can cause. I think it all boils down to having the deeper conversation. Like Rob made the choice to back away and in the end, the date happened (albeit no sparks).
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on October 21, 2016, 11:38:20 AM
Hmmmm..... Maybe I need to have a conversation with NG about this.

Whenever we get married (we have established that we both want that) I am not willing to get a marriage certificate. If I get a marriage certificate I will lose all of my VA benefits as the surviving spouse of a 100% disabled veteran. Any legal arrangements that come with a marriage license can be arranged with other legal contracts(a will or trust, power of attorney). Hopefully this isn't a deal breaker for him.

To me it seems like in the majority of situations the marriage certificate protects or benefits a woman not bringing in her own substantial income..... I don't see much benefit for the man, it actually seems pretty high risk to me since so many marriages fail.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: serpico on October 21, 2016, 12:28:17 PM
Whenever we get married (we have established that we both want that) I am not willing to get a marriage certificate.

How does one go about getting married without a marriage certificate?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: tybec on October 21, 2016, 01:55:50 PM
Funny you ask that, Serpico.  I asked my pastor about 6 months ago about marrying elderly folks in the church who did not want a legal marriage due to losing their spouse's benefits.  She said there were probably folks out there marrying, as it is an issue for some.  The system hurts some folks.  I would not want my mother to give up my father's benefits (health insurance and federal pension) if she found someone to marry who could not provide her this. 


I actually will be talking to my pastor further about this.  I am curious.  NG is afraid to marry after his wife left him and took 75% of his net worth.  I want a prenup to protect my son's inheritance.  He is still unsure.  Would I marry him in a church but not legally to keep my benefits?  Maybe.  Him, too.  Never would have dreamed I would be talking about this ever.........  But I expected to celebrate my 50th wedding anniversary and here I am...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on October 21, 2016, 04:38:09 PM
Whenever we get married (we have established that we both want that) I am not willing to get a marriage certificate.

How does one go about getting married with a marriage certificate?

Re-read my operating definition of marriage.
So to answer your question, you get married by committing to one another.....til death do us part, All that stuff. Marriage can then be marked by rings and/or a wedding or other special acknowledgement.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on October 21, 2016, 04:41:11 PM
Quote
Would I marry him in a church but not legally to keep my benefits? 

Exactly.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on October 22, 2016, 07:14:31 PM
Both men I dated were upfront and candid.

One man had been separated for years.  His wife was on his health insurance, and she had a chronic illness and the insurance was very helpful.

The other one said he and his wife had nothing to gain by getting divorced, and had decided to just not live together. There was something about that situation that just struck me as odd,  as if both wanted to date other people, but wanted an excuse not to get serious.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on October 22, 2016, 09:13:40 PM
Ok, I might clearly need a new plan for online.  In two days , I have had two guys just want to chat and seems they are both hinting .. Let's hook up. Ok no thanks .. Next .. Then I just received an email that says .. You look better as a blonde... That's it , no hi .. Just to the point . Ugh .
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on October 23, 2016, 09:13:45 PM
Yes, Momto -- there are plenty of hook up folk out there. Not my style either. I tell NG that I don't share :) And the hair color thing. Wow.

On a separate note, and I don't remember noticing before, but you're in Jersey? That's home for me (born in Cape May County, went to Rutgers New Brunswick, lived in DE and PA for a bit, met second LH in Salem County ...).
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on October 24, 2016, 11:29:06 AM


On a separate note, and I don't remember noticing before, but you're in Jersey? That's home for me (born in Cape May County, went to Rutgers New Brunswick, lived in DE and PA for a bit, met second LH in Salem County ...).
[/quote]


Yes! Born and raised in NJ . I'm 20 minutes from Seaside . The only thing I don't love is NJ winters ..
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on October 24, 2016, 01:01:27 PM
Ha! It was the snow that drove me west :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: November on October 31, 2016, 12:55:44 PM
So I decided to give online dating a try for the 1st time ever.  I talked to one guy and saw a couple of his pictures he wasn't my type but I decided to give him a chance.  We met at the movies about 20 mins before the movie started.  When I went in to shake his hand I got a foul odor but wasn't sure where it was coming from.  We proceeded to our seats and sitting next to him I noticed that the nasty odor was coming from his mouth!  It was so unbearable I couldn't bypass it.  I did offer very discreetly a piece of gum which he didn't take and he was so eager to keep talking to me so much that at I had to hold my breath so I wouldn't smell his and at one point I had to excuse myself to the bathroom because I couldn't handle it anymore....WTF!

P.S- No goodbye Kiss, no hug..YUCK!!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on October 31, 2016, 01:21:16 PM
Wow -- so sorry, November! That's terrible :(
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on October 31, 2016, 02:05:47 PM
Oh dear November. That's brutal. 

NG had a serious foul mouth odor for the first month or two. I really really thought it could be a deal breaker for me..... I mean, it was BAD. And it was so pungent that after kissing, there was a stinky residue that stuck to my face (you know right below my nostrils too) I could not seem to wipe off on my drive home. It was vile.  But he had so many other good things going for him, I told myself I would address this at some point if things continued to progress with him. Well, after a month of dating he ended up in the hospital related to kidney issues and he nearly died. He was lying in the hospital bed and he would want me to kiss him but holy shit. Even sitting near him was BAD news. So I finally made the grimace l had been holding back and told him, "whoa, you need to brush your teeth....you clearly haven't since being in the hospital. That's nasty. I'll buy you a toothbrush and toothpaste" So I did.

And after that, it hasn't been an issue. I do not know if he simply started maintaining oral hygiene(he uses mouthwash before kissing me lately), or if not eating for a few weeks effectively "cleansed" whatever stink was in his mouth..... I know he also switched from mountain dew to 7up, and overall changed some eating habits.

I have since confessed to him that his mouth wreaked before the time in the hospital. I might be too honest sometimes. Lol.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on October 31, 2016, 07:45:12 PM
Interesting observation about the inline dating scene.

Ok I made a couple of profiles. 1.My real one..me looking for a guy. full detail, pictures
                                              2. A very very vague one . a guy looking for a gal about my age, nopictures
                                               3. A very very vague one   my stats but no pic no detail.
This is all the vague one said
"Say HI or hello, anything to get my attention. Hey you never know what will happen ...a conversation may ensue and we might get to know each other. We may laugh , we may have fun. you never know.

So Say HI.


why  did I make the profiles you may ask.....well the guy one was so I could see who my competition is and what they say in their profiles.......The vague girl one was so I could anonimously check on some one that I went on a few dates with but didn't totally trust.

But here's the interesting observations.......the guy one got very little hits, maybe 2 messages.
 the vague girl one got quite  a bit of interest, even with no picture., especially when it first went active.

My real one is not getting much interest unless I'm on line.

In otherwords I think if I want more interest there is a point where I should shut down my profile and start a new one. I think some people are just perusing new users.

Just me being an analyst of the trends I noticed... I honestly didn't think vague profile with no picture would generate anything....maybe simpler is better.


Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on October 31, 2016, 11:34:35 PM
Klim, very interesting experiment. Thank you for posting!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: serpico on October 31, 2016, 11:43:51 PM
If it's just plain 'interest' you're looking for, you may be on to something, but I'm not sure quantity is better than quality in this case, is it?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on November 01, 2016, 05:47:53 AM
Serpico , you may have a point...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on November 01, 2016, 09:49:49 AM
The one benefit to quantity is that it provides options. Just sayin.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on November 01, 2016, 02:10:43 PM
Nice data mining klim! Unfortunately it can require a lot of quantity dating to meet quality...or at least a decent match. I found there was profile fatigue once I was online for a while. I had a run in with Match so I had to close down and re-open a new profile on round 3. Suddenly there was a flurry of new interest and from a number of guys that contacted me before. Another option is to try a different site ? All the best - its a jungle out there.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on November 01, 2016, 02:26:14 PM
Ah, profile fatigue -- great description, Captains Wife! It is something how, after a little break, the same folks come back round. I often wonder how many of them are copying/pasting information into their messages to multiple people. Sort of like shooting fish in a barrel, I suppose ...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on November 01, 2016, 06:19:31 PM
I think plenty of fish is trying to tell me something. Tried going on line thru phone and iPad and nothing, won't let me on. Two days now .lol
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on November 02, 2016, 07:38:23 AM
Does anybody have those dates that just never disappear ? I have had a few men who I went out with only a handful of times (at most), then either no connection or they go poof and then they turn up MONTHS later and try again (with texts) ? This has happened to me several times...sigh.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on November 02, 2016, 07:52:21 AM
Captains wife, the term I have heard for this is "being benched".  They have a hotter player, but rather than break ties or even just keep dating, they keep you in case plan A (or plans A, B and C) don't work out.  I had someone cancel a date and found it impossible to get another, only to have her message me a couple of months later.  Her problem is that I don't stay on the bench, I go wandering off to find a new ballfield!

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on November 02, 2016, 11:06:05 AM
So strange CW. I never experienced it but from what I gather it is somewhat common. So strange to me....what are these people thinking?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: MrsDan on November 02, 2016, 01:52:35 PM
I think plenty of fish is trying to tell me something. Tried going on line thru phone and iPad and nothing, won't let me on. Two days now .lol

This reminded me of something that happened to me on OKCupid. They have this quick match feature, where you can just scroll through the first page of random profiles. Every time, EVERY SINGLE time I did this on the PC, I got my boyfriend's profile. It was usually by the second or third one in. I'm sure it may have had something to do with how often we were communicating (we sent brief messages back and forth for several weeks before we had a longer exchange and then finally met) or the fact that we were such a high match. But I had a number of other high matches and exchanges and they didn't pop up or if they did it was never more than once. SO even though there may be a logical explanation, I still think it's pretty neat,. MTJJ, maybe there's some Ted Bundy type who seems appealing that POF is trying to keep you from connecting with, lol.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on November 04, 2016, 05:45:59 AM
Good work Kilm, I once snuck onto the guy side to see what woman were posting.  I was kind of shocked and what I saw.  Lots of girls with pictures of them on beds. 

Have to say my less hippy profile has if getting more attention some good and some bad.  I had one guy send me this huge long letter and then said my profile was simple.  Couldn't even reply to it.  Two others asking for sex on the third message and some repeaters that don't even remember we have chatted before.  I had one guy find me on facebook.  I swore I didn't give him enough information to do that but he has managed to find me and wants to be friends. 

I have been chatting with two guys for awhile, still no hint of actually getting together. Just going to try the slow thing and see if it makes a difference.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on November 04, 2016, 10:59:31 PM
Does anybody have those dates that just never disappear ? I have had a few men who I went out with only a handful of times (at most), then either no connection or they go poof and then they turn up MONTHS later and try again (with texts) ? This has happened to me several times...sigh.

Ummm, no, never.  I guess that's the advantage of being an acquired taste, if someone didn't like me right off, he didn't feel compelled to come back for more, later.

I would second the idea of taking your profile down form time to time or at least changing the pictures frequently.  I'm certain when people see the same picture over  and over they don't bother reading the profile.
 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on November 05, 2016, 01:32:35 PM
Oh my goodness......

Another widower engineer is contacting me.
I'm giving him a small chance to see of he's real but I'm not holding my breath!

Updated to add he's another scammer, shock of shocks! Thank you reverse image search!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on November 05, 2016, 05:57:00 PM
I've seen this one a number of times...I don't get what the scam could be? ....but it must be

Hello, I have a very special friend who is a widower, His name is Gary, he's very interested in you but he's not into internet dating and he came across your profile through my account and he's been all over me about getting in touch with you, he said you seem like a woman whom has found balance in all aspect of life which is a hard thing to come by these days. He's 56 yrs old, 6'1 tall, He's a good man, all rounded complete & matured man. I didn't tell him I was gonna contact you, but thought I had to take the chance, you never know until you try. I have found love on here and I have an idea on what we want in a relationship and i believe if you email him, You both will get along and be more than a friend, it might worth it in the end. Please do contact him, I'm assuring you he'll share pictures and more info about himself with you. You can also email him personally on' (garykieser AT yahoo dot c o m )'' '' I am very sorry to bother you, one thing I can assure you is you will brighten his day if you get in touch with him.I am deleting my profile now, so i think you should take the chance to write him.

Not that it matters but does anybody even understand what the scam would be
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on November 05, 2016, 06:18:53 PM
It seems to me there is too much dialogue. I guess it could just be me but when I have been the middle person for a friend I get right to the point. I don't say anything about me. I would suspect the person writing is speaking for himself if I read this o  a site.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Forgottenwife on November 05, 2016, 08:20:53 PM
I've seen this one a number of times...I don't get what the scam could be? ....but it must be

Hello, I have a very special friend who is a widower, His name is Gary, he's very interested in you but he's not into internet dating and he came across your profile through my account and he's been all over me about getting in touch with you, he said you seem like a woman whom has found balance in all aspect of life which is a hard thing to come by these days. He's 56 yrs old, 6'1 tall, He's a good man, all rounded complete & matured man. I didn't tell him I was gonna contact you, but thought I had to take the chance, you never know until you try. I have found love on here and I have an idea on what we want in a relationship and i believe if you email him, You both will get along and be more than a friend, it might worth it in the end. Please do contact him, I'm assuring you he'll share pictures and more info about himself with you. You can also email him personally on' (garykieser AT yahoo dot c o m )'' '' I am very sorry to bother you, one thing I can assure you is you will brighten his day if you get in touch with him.I am deleting my profile now, so i think you should take the chance to write him.

Not that it matters but does anybody even understand what the scam would be

Haha - if this wasn't a scam? No matter, I'm not gonna date a guy who can't even write his own email and intro message! Jeez. I never got a message like this online.

What's the scam? Dunno, but whoever garykieser at yahoo is, he would then have your email address, and can easily get your IP address...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Wheelerswife on November 06, 2016, 11:48:45 AM
Why can he see your profile through her account? You wouldn't think she had access to look at the accounts of women looking for men.

Scam is written all over this one.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on November 06, 2016, 11:55:10 AM
Oh I know it's a scam , it has appear probably 5 or 6 times from different people and probably a different "widow " name.....I just don't get the scam?

am  supposed to get offline fall in love and give him my money????

just wierd
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on November 06, 2016, 12:53:12 PM
am  supposed to get offline fall in love and give him my money????

just wierd

Yes!

It's funny, this is one scam I have not received.
The "widowed engineers" seem to target me!

I disabled my profile again.
I'm so frustrated by the whole on line thing.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on November 06, 2016, 02:02:55 PM
am  supposed to get offline fall in love and give him my money????

Well, now that you mention it, yeah, they would love this :-)

When you think of these folks, imagine a packed little boiler room of scammers. I get likes and winks from the 28-32 year old women's profiles with the lovely pics and the Gmail accounts tortured into the description or stamped onto one of the photos.  (Like someone aged 30 would work for me!)  I laugh at the thought of the slimy little guys hoping for a good nibble.  Just curse them like us poor folks living in the US curse political canvassers, and you'll be in the right mood! :-)

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on November 06, 2016, 04:29:15 PM
I have two guys that right now driving me a little nuts.

First guy I have chatted with for a long time, he stood me up once for a coffee date. Every couple weeks,he sends me a message. I don't get it.
This other guy I really don't know what to think.I swear he is always online. Why? Doesn't he have a life outside online dating sites?  A year ago he chatted with me and ghosted and now I am his best friend? I don't get it.  Really trying to be open, but I am finding it hard.

Might need a break soon.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: First Widow on November 06, 2016, 05:51:37 PM
Thanks for the research Klim!  I've been doing my own research the past week with non pic profiles on 4 different sites.  I'm convinced some of the messages I got right away were fake members to get me to pay the monthly fee. LOL  Match even appeared to like other members for me.  Any recommendations on the best site?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on November 06, 2016, 06:45:22 PM
That's funny, klim!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on November 06, 2016, 10:21:52 PM
Hey First Widow,

I have always liked the features on match.com, and I have found it much better on results this go-round.  I have a better profile and (especially) pics, and I am more playful in my approach.  I find that okcupid.com just doesn't have very many people, and using pof.com on the web is so sad that I don't want to be there despite the good numbers (though the app sucks much less).  I hate hate hate the swiping apps (Tinder and Bumble) - all my time there has gone into a black hole no matter what I do, even as uptake of the apps has gone way up in my somewhat-sparse area.  I clearly don't have the Twitter-style mojo for those sites.

Needytoo, IMO any serious guy should stop messaging and make a date, almost not EVER break it (is someone bleeding?), and he should make it clear if he's interested.  If he doesn't want to meet, he could be married, but wtf do you even care?  I believe that decent people also let you know kindly if you're not the one - I did that the other day after two dates with a nice woman who just wasn't "it" for me.  I know guys don't always feel the need to do that until the relationship is further along, but I don't like that.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: calimom on November 06, 2016, 11:28:27 PM
Thanks for the research Klim!  I've been doing my own research the past week with non pic profiles on 4 different sites.  I'm convinced some of the messages I got right away were fake members to get me to pay the monthly fee. LOL  Match even appeared to like other members for me.  Any recommendations on the best site?

Firstwidow:
Learn from others here. There are wonderful women who, for whatever reason, who: A) engage with obvious online scammers. (it is a complete waste of time); and B) engage with men who are not right for them.

There is a lot to be said for the *delete* feature, and the *ignore* feature. Neither are as entertaining as the stories you might tell, but it will be far more productive to focus on what you ARE looking for than what you ARE NOT looking for. Like everyone, your mileage might vary, but the best advice is to move forward into your new life with what's going to work for you, whether you're looking for marriage or simply a nice person to spend time with.

Wishing you luck and most importantly - lots of fun!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Forgottenwife on November 07, 2016, 11:07:25 AM
Any recommendations on the best site?

I found my Chapter 2 on OkCupid. I think it depends on the area you live in, and what works best for you. I liked the easy interface and being able to see how well we matched up on important issues.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Portside on November 07, 2016, 11:31:22 AM

  Any recommendations on the best site?


Also, there are many niche sites that cater to rather narrow slices of folks looking for a match - perhaps one of them may be for you. If you are a woman of faith - look for a site specializing in your area of comfort. There are sites for farmers, engineers, gardeners, bakers, etc., etc., etc.

Maybe check some of them out - you never know . . . . . I found my match on one.

Good luck - Mike
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: imissdow on November 07, 2016, 04:52:43 PM
First widow: it depends on where you live and who you are. My sister is dating a guy she met on match. I've done pof, OK Cupid, Christian mingle, eharmony, and briefly match. Christian mingle& eharmony don't seem to have enough people using them. Pof I got a bunch of guys looking for a hook up and couldn't hide or filter them out. I didn't care for that.   I probally should try paying for match, i didn't really give it much of a shot. I keep going back to OK Cupid I like that they ask questions and I can typically weed out the guys who are looking for a fling. I still get scammers and guys looking for a hook up but I use the hide and delete feature often. So after a bit it feels more my style.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on November 07, 2016, 04:53:51 PM
I think it might be slightly regional which is better and also the age demographics is different.
I'm  50 ish  and near Toronto and I find the best to be POF......but friends have liked Match. I thought eharmony wasn't any good at all. I've had minor success with tinder and okcupid, but feel like they are better for a younger crowd.

Of course these are recommendations from someone who hasn't really succeeded!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on November 07, 2016, 07:09:29 PM
I agree with Portside's point about niche markets. I found my NG on a special site for interracial dating as I was looking to expand my horizons a bit.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: trying2breathe on November 08, 2016, 09:00:35 AM
I did a halfway attempt at on-line dating, never posted any photos of myself and after a year, realized that absolutely nothing came of it.  Not much ventured, nothing gained.  I think it was more curiosity rather than really wanting to get out there.


Forward to now - last week I joined a dating/matchmaking service.  Members are vetted, profiles are posted and dates are arranged.  I attended a party, met some great people and made a couple of connections, met for dinner with one very handsome guy.  First attempt at dating - this handsome guy is still so damaged from his divorce ten years ago, it's sad.  This was probably one of the most depressing dates that I've ever been on.   It was a slap in the face to realize that it's so much more complicated now.   Ugghhh ...... hopefully some better stories to come.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on November 08, 2016, 07:14:30 PM
Getting you off the dating site is so the dating site can't monitor the communication when he asks for money.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on November 08, 2016, 07:23:55 PM
nonesuch - yes, for scammers! I ran into a bunch of those before NG, particularly those who didn't live close to me. What was weird to me was that they didn't want to use texting as often as they wanted to use one of those video chat apps. Ew! How old are you? How about we text or actually talk to one another instead of using some app with lots of colors and emojis?

NG and I used the site to message one another. We seemed to hit it off and he lives about 40 minutes from me. I suggested we should have coffee or lunch to continue the conversation and he agreed. Posted his real mobile # to me. I sent him the Sideline # I used for dating purposes and he called me. We talked for about an hour + and set up a lunch date for two days later. We were there for 3 + hours that day. We are in month six now :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: imissdow on November 10, 2016, 04:54:16 AM
So on a whim this week I got on OK Cupid. I'm surprised I remembered my password I haven't been on for almost a year, and that was only briefly. So I updated my profile that was at least 3 years old. Started e-mailing a guy, seemed very nice. Said something about meeting him and come to the realization I have no time. The only nights of the week I am ever free are Saturday and Sunday evenings. Typically if there's nothing planned (about50% of the time) I go out with my DDs or run errands and do chores. So actually I'm to busy to date.  I filled up my schedule so I could make new friends and cope with being single. Yet, if I want to date I need to free up some time. Thus also meaning I will probally be home more often. How does one handle this. At the moment I'm committed to all this stuff for the rest of the school year. I could get out of 2 things but that would succeed in freeing up 1 evening , I really enjoy all of it so it's not like I want out of any of it.  Guess to be fair I need to not get online.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: tybec on November 10, 2016, 07:34:46 AM
Imissdow,

I think you should chat with some possible prospects. If someone is interesting, you find a way in your schedule which are weekend nights.  If something happens, you will change schedule.  If not, you are doing things you enjoy.  Win/win.   ;D
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on November 10, 2016, 12:00:00 PM
imissdow - you popped in there for a reason :) Chances are, you are curious about what dating might offer you in addition to what you're doing. Filling time is very different than spending time. Many folks on those sites are busy in one way or another. As tybec said, chat up a few people. A person who has no hobbies or activities becomes needy, quick, and that's a turn-off. We prioritize what we want; having a full schedule is great because if you meet someone who isn't worth your time, you have plenty of reasons not to see them again  ;D
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on November 11, 2016, 05:47:35 AM
I totally understand where you are coming from imissdow.  I had a jam packed schedule and when these guys ask me out, usually with very short warning I had to say no.  Most of them ghosted soon after that.  I can see their point who would want to date someone that is always busy.  Due to a change with relationship status with some friends I now seem to have more free time on my hands, but now I can't seem to land even a request for coffee.  It is good to have alone time but mine is starting to get a little too much.  I have joined some committees at work but still it not filling my time.  Really trying to decide what my next step should be. Should I volunteer, join a social club, try a matchmaker etc. I don't want to get back to where I was insanely busy either.  Not sure why life balancing is so hard. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: trying2breathe on November 11, 2016, 07:55:31 AM
imissdow   I get it too, not much time to spare when a date comes up.  And it's a balancing act to decide whether it's worth it to cancel plans, or go with the date.   I'm just getting into this game again, and surprised that so far have had very little notice when asked out.  Makes it even more difficult to try to get together. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on November 12, 2016, 08:57:50 AM
"If you want to meet me down here we can hang out at my place I can meet you I can come out and get you so you feel safe."

Thank you....What a perfect way to make me feel safe for a very first meeting. 😕
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on November 12, 2016, 09:01:42 AM
Imissdow,

I believe for the right person, we can figure out how to make the time. It's the steps leading up to that point that can be the hardest.

Why can't Mr Right just land at my door step already?  Is that too much to ask? 😁
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on November 12, 2016, 11:12:21 AM
With the holidays coming it might be  bit easier in that many have a day or two when work is closed. That's how NG and I had our first meet up. It was about half way between our homes on Memorial Day Monday. Something to consider, friends!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: First Widow on November 12, 2016, 04:41:20 PM
"If you want to meet me down here we can hang out at my place I can meet you I can come out and get you so you feel safe."

Thank you....What a perfect way to make me feel safe for a very first meeting. 😕

Oh my, momtokam! LOL

I'm having a hard time believing anything anyone says to on these sites so this may not work out for me.  I finally replied to one guy and in the next message he's asking for my phone number and telling me he is available during the day.  ::)  Isn't that code for I'm actually married and don't want my wife to find out?   
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on November 12, 2016, 04:49:54 PM
First - might he work at night? Hoping 😉
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on November 12, 2016, 11:09:43 PM
I finally replied to one guy and in the next message he's asking for my phone number and telling me he is available during the day.  ::)  Isn't that code for I'm actually married and don't want my wife to find out?

Could be, but this work-from-home tech guy finds it nice to break out of my work day to meet someone, and the solo parent likes that it can't effect time with my daughters.  It might be nice to see if you get a corroborating clue before deciding.  Of course, they are supposed to know I'm widowed.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on November 13, 2016, 08:35:31 AM
So.....I decided to try POF after shutting down my previous profile on OKC. I went out with a friend last night and he mentioned it.

I tried a short profile, just to see what would happen. It leads with....

"This should be interesting!
I have been told that this site leads to actual relationships. I am not convinced! Care to prove me wrong?

I love to laugh and banter....It feeds my soul! Are you up for the challenge?"

And this is what I get.....

"As a Teacher you would have a basic understanding of psych - to have a negative as your preamble and indicate a reverse onus that someone else here prove otherwise... would that attract the man with qualities in which you seek... one of which being intelligent...? Something to consider... all the best..."

And this was my reply....

"I see you have not taken my preamble in the lighthearted, humourous, and flirty nature that it was intended.
You can't please everyone.
Pointing out someone's "flaws", which you have done before to me, on other sites, is not a way to attract the woman with qualities in which you seek...
Good luck in your search."

Sigh....
 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: First Widow on November 13, 2016, 10:40:18 AM
Someone here mentioned POF last week and it's the site I've had the most luck with in my area, but I have also attracted my share guys who want to tell me what I'm doing wrong.  LOL  It makes it easy to weed out the messages...I just block anyone with that attitude.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on November 13, 2016, 11:33:17 AM
So nice of them to critique your profile for you.... not!

.Yeah I occasionally read a profile that is so extreme and I have an opinion but I just think wow and move on.

When I first went on line I did have quite a lengthy and detailed back and forth with one guy that although he didn't critique my profile started laying in to me about how I was responding during our texting conversation. It became amazingly heated....after that I realized  I was wasting too much emotional energy defending my responses.I now walk away from those who judge, without knowing.

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: trying2breathe on November 13, 2016, 01:29:33 PM
momtokam   The new profile is cute, a refreshing change from the ordinary I think.  What an a** to critique it - loved your response! 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on November 13, 2016, 02:22:11 PM
Well said, trying2 ... I agree. momto - I thought your profile was great and wished I'd come up with something witty like that! Sheesh. Is it a dating site or a literary critique class (says the university prof lol)?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on November 13, 2016, 03:30:58 PM
Thanks ladies. This same gentleman  (using the term loosly) attacked my 12 reasons not to meet me profile on Match,  which I posted right before my membership expired. He obviously has zero sense of humour!

POF does seem to be a busier site here. I've been inundated with messages. No time to go through them all!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on November 13, 2016, 06:29:06 PM
Sounds like a good problem to have, momto!

I think I mentioned this elsewhere but I realized early into my dates with NG that I was woefully unprepared to date. I had been off the scene (and not really on it, to tell the truth) for about 25 years (across two marriages and widow experiences). I decided to start reading and subscribing to dating advice. I watch videos by Matthew Hussey, many of which are quite funny, but that offer interesting food for thought on how to connect in this dating thing. One point he mentions is having options, so momto, the fact that you've got a number of hits is right in line with the so-called experts. It gives you choices and you get to decide who you will talk to and who you won't. Go, girl!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on November 13, 2016, 10:47:08 PM
"As a Teacher you would have a basic understanding of psych - to have a negative as your preamble and indicate a reverse onus that someone else here prove otherwise... would that attract the man with qualities in which you seek... one of which being intelligent...? Something to consider... all the best..."

momtokam, I thought your quip was good - what a doofus.  I've seen some multi-paragraph rants about how much some women hate the site and why.  The good news is that clicking "next" on those profiles is no harder than on any others! :-)

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on November 15, 2016, 09:22:50 AM
I have to share this ... I woke up this morning to a new message that contained this:

"I have discovered during my two days as a OKC member that this site has lots of creepy guys who send pictures and messages that make me want to abandon OKC completely. It was refreshing to come across your profile. (You´ve restored my faith in finding cool people through sites like this. :-) "

Good living pays off sometimes? :-)

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: trying2breathe on November 15, 2016, 11:01:25 AM
Well done, Rob - what a great way to start the day!  Would definitely boost my ego a bit to get a message like that!  Is there a date being arranged out of this?   ;)


I think I'll check out the advice videos you mentioned, arneal.  I'm woefully lacking in modern day dating skills.  Like texting etiquette - yikes!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on November 15, 2016, 01:00:27 PM
Well done, Rob - what a great way to start the day!  Would definitely boost my ego a bit to get a message like that!  Is there a date being arranged out of this?   ;)

I'd like that :-), she's easy on the eyes as well.  But it could take a little while with all I currently have going on and Thanksgiving around the corner.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on November 15, 2016, 02:43:18 PM
tryingto - Matthew Hussey offers a number of texting suggestions. His videos are free on Youtube but he of course has paid stuff. Part of it, especially once you've made a connection, is to work on your conversation skills. I know for me, that was one of the hardest. I am an only child who grew into a twice widowed woman. Despite a career in education, I don't do well with cross-the-table-talk generally. it helped me learn how to break the ice and be prepared for our time together. I am much more comfortable now after these months but I still continue to read a lot of information to stay ahead of the curve a bit :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: trying2breathe on November 16, 2016, 08:37:01 AM
arneal  MH does have some good texting videos, thank you for sharing this.  Handsome guy that I briefly dated was heavily into texting and I was not.  I now think that I should have been more responsive to his texts ..... sigh.   

Rob  She sounds like she's worth the wait!  It is a difficult time of year to start dating, isn't it?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: imissdow on November 16, 2016, 08:27:23 PM
Watched a couple of those videos. Thankfully I'm much better at texting than I used to be. I think that has really helped me date better. When I first started dating again I hated texting. Now I text more then I call and I'm getting more flirty with them. Still have always to go. Need to go watch a few more.
 Typically I meet these really needy guys and it becomes a real turn off really quick.I would think it's the same for them.  Being really busy has been a blessing in some ways makes it easy for me to not have time to worry about if it takes longer to return a text.  Got a text from the guy I met on Sunday from okcupid He asked what I was up to told him honestly I was out shopping and didn't have time to meet him. I did make time for a phone call. I think we're planning a second date on Friday, least that's what he said tonight and I gave him very few choices if he wanted to see me again. So far so good. We will see what happens but I'm feeling pretty good about all of this.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: sdarrah1130 on November 17, 2016, 07:44:31 AM
When I started dating NG, we texted A LOT!!!  Over 10,000 texts in the first month-6weeks. 

We played the "would you rather" game to get to know each other.  Ex: Would you rather beer or wine, would you rather steak or seafood, would you rather casual cup of coffee or formal date.....
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on November 17, 2016, 10:00:08 PM
Entire first message......

"Uh"

Not even sure what that means!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on November 18, 2016, 01:02:34 PM
momto - your profile was too intellectual for that reader  ;D
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on November 20, 2016, 12:57:37 PM
Soooo....

Talked on the phone with someone Friday during the day. He asked to meet for a coffee on Saturday afternoon and I agreed. He said he would text to confirm plans.

Heard nothing until Saturday 9:30 pm. I didn't reply until early this morning. Told him my day was busy (described my legitimate reaons) but I could meet around 1pm. Heard nothing until 12:10 when he said he could meet today as he was off work.  At this point I'm in the middle of other things and offered 4pm and a nice place to meet.

At 1:15 I get....I am going to the gym.I've no idea when I will be done

Seriously?

I replied perhaps another time....I was being polite. I wanted to just say Bye Bye!

Sigh.....
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on November 20, 2016, 05:38:44 PM
Yeah, momto -- that's messed up for a first meeting opportunity. I mean, life intervenes, but if a person wants to do something, he or she will make time to at least communicate in a reasonable time frame!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: trying2breathe on November 20, 2016, 07:54:48 PM
momtokam    Indeed, sigh .... what's he thinking?  I don't know that I would have been able to be as polite. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: First Widow on November 20, 2016, 09:18:19 PM
Oh goodness Momtokam!  I don't think I would have been as polite either, although I would appreciate the major heads up.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on November 26, 2016, 06:24:32 AM
ok I'm an extrovert, I can talk easily with all sorts of people. I'm relaxed in conversation and can talk with  a ditch digger, a doctor ,a new immigrant  or a car salesmen with equal ease.

So when I go out for meet and greets I have a hard time judging how things went because I enjoy the art of conversation. If they can converse then I had a good time.....but it doesn't necessarily mean I think they are boyfriend material.

Last night I was on a meet and greet that went past the meet and greet stage and turned into dinner. we  conversed for 4 hrs,  it was a nice night out.....             

He's already said we should go out again. I'm sure I'd have another pleasant evening....but I can't figure out whether it could grow into more.... am I supposed to be able to tell?....do you go with the flow and see???



Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on November 26, 2016, 12:34:30 PM
Klim, I would just go with the flow and see where it goes. If  you enjoyed his company why not go out again?

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on November 26, 2016, 01:09:36 PM
I am very much like you klim.
I can talk to anyone and it can get longer than expected without realizing, very easily sometimes. I take that as a positive. That is one hurdle you have jumped. You two can commicate well together.

If it was a fun night, go out again. See if you get any more indications that he could become boyfriend material. I try to give it a second go if the first meet was pleasant but no sparks flew right away. Sometimes sparks flew the second time and sometimes not. You can then decide.

It's hard to know sometimes and more time may be needed.  It really depends on the people and personalities involved.

Good luck.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on November 26, 2016, 02:49:17 PM
Was this a first meeting? That's a bit quick to get into the boyfriend frame of mind. The thing is, it's easy to start feeling for someone and getting caught up in those feelings can lead to heartbreak if that person doesn't feel the same way. Take it easy, as best you can. I agree that good conversation is a fabulous start. The fact that he wants to see you again is absolutely a bonus. The deal is to take it one date at a time and see what happens.

My first online dating thing was weird because I started having feelings for someone I didn't know at all. I was caught up in the moment and he was fraud. I made sure when I met NG that I kept myself in check. We've been together for about six months now and it's all good. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: imissdow on November 26, 2016, 03:30:03 PM
Klim: I had a second date with a really nice guy on Friday a week ago. I heard from him on Monday, a text message or 2 on Tuesday and Thursday and then nothing. Not sure if I should be moving on or thinking I will hear from him.  2 dates hardly make a relationship. Yet here I sit wondering if I've been kicked to the curb.
Typically guys go way faster then I'm comfortable with and are way to attentive. Yet I find myself not liking this either. Oh to find a guy I click with and have enough contact to make me feel comfortable with. Maybe I'm asking for to much. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on November 26, 2016, 05:49:39 PM
 thanks for an input
Oh I don't jump to boyfriend mode ...I am very very slow on the connection factor

What I worry about( a bit) is whether  I mislead guys because I can have a pleasant conversation with people I don't even like.

Imisswidow...at this point just to nudge I would send a blank text...see if that jumps starts any response......or if you're brave you just send the text....hey what's up?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on November 27, 2016, 07:13:03 AM
Sometimes the meet and greet was enough, and we'd shake hands and one or the other of us would say, "Nice meeting you, but I don't think we have enough in common."

Sometimes if he asked me out again, I'd say it then. 

I had a three date rule:  If I didn't feel some kind of connection or appeal by the third meeting, I would turn down another date.  Sometimes I didn't have to: sometimes HE didn't call again.

I had about 31 meet and greets, few second dates, third dates I could count on one hand.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on November 27, 2016, 01:53:31 PM
Thanks for explaining a bit more, klim -- as someone who is not the best conversationalist straight away, I admire those who are at ease like it sounds you are!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on November 30, 2016, 10:43:35 PM
ok had a doozie tonight.... yesterday I was talking to a fellow on POF...figured out he went to the same university and was in the same program I was in. Of course there were 300 people in the program so not surprising we didn't really know of each other , but I did have an old picture from the graduating class photos and found his name so could see who he was.

today he gives me his phone number so i text him. half an hour later he gives me a call. it starts off pretty normal but he seems really hyped up.....I'm intrigued but almost in a he is really bizarre way.....but an intelligent bizarre way....so I keep on talking. At some point I beginning to suspect that he is just looped . either drunk or high. He asks me a rather suggestive question and I snap a one word answer at him and then.........i think he passed out.
Half an hour later he phones...I'm not answering  he texts "why are you mad at me?".....phoned 2 more times after that. ......

one of those people that I'm glad showed there true colours early.....jeez what a nutcase.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on November 30, 2016, 10:54:59 PM
Wow, klim! Yes, thankfully you were able to sleuth out who he was and that there were some issues at work there. So sorry :(
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: imissdow on December 01, 2016, 05:18:43 AM
Someone on here once said when people fly their "freak flag "believe them. I want to say it was robtc ? That phase has stuck with me and really helped me not try to rationalize away so pretty weird/different behavior that I couldn't  deal with.  I'm also a person who believes we all have our own " freak show" behavior. I work in a male dominated job so I've been told that makes me odd.  So it's really about finding what works for you.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on December 02, 2016, 03:03:49 PM
"When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time. " Maya Angelou

That's hard advice to follow. Actions speak louder than words yet we fall for their words first. I'm currently living this. NG said all the right things but his actions were the opposite. Nice guy, poor timing, and emotionally unavailable. I'm moving on.

Since I stopped communicating with him four men have contacted me. Three on Facebook, which I think is funny. It's almost like a dating site. The fourth is a man who I dated from January to August, off and on fwb. I think he's wanting more. We have a lot in common, have a great time together, but I can't picture us long term. #1 and #2, not interested. #3 I agreed to get together with soon.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on December 02, 2016, 03:08:38 PM
Great point, Jen -- and hope things go well with #3!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on December 02, 2016, 03:20:13 PM
Was rainy around here the other night so I mentioned it in an exchange.  18 hours later the guy told me he was out driving in the rain right now. ...it was clear and sunny out at this point so I asked him what he was doing

Answer: "I was driving around road patrolling for the city. Looking for damage or safety issues"


I'm thinking he doesn't live in my city like his profile says.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on December 02, 2016, 04:01:39 PM
Oh my, klim  :o Do you have his phone number? I used to check area codes and ask them how come their phone number is associated with [X city and state] and the profile says they live in [Y city and state]. Some would vanish, some would get indignant (had one guy ask me why having a # from somewhere else was an issue and get huffy, then disappear), and some would answer right back that they used to live in that one place and since there was still family there, they kept the same #. However, the weather claim is a new one to me!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: imissdow on December 02, 2016, 04:22:21 PM
Omg! I just checked my message requests on Facebook. Earlier this week I deleted a friend request from a guy in  Pakistan. He also sent me a message request and a marriage proposal. Even included a phone number. Oh my!! That's the second marriage proposal this year! 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on December 03, 2016, 09:46:25 AM
wow Imissdow....think you could have been married twice already!!!!
seriously does that ever work???
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: tybec on December 03, 2016, 11:32:38 AM
NG is still waiting on his green card, he tells me!   ;)  Had a bunch of them at first on-line!

 A Meme I received:  In reality, all girls (and guys) are crazy, so you just better pick your favorite kind!  Yuppers!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on December 03, 2016, 08:26:38 PM
Oh my, klim  :o Do you have his phone number? I used to check area codes and ask them how come their phone number is associated with [X city and state] and the profile says they live in [Y city and state].

I haven't met a single person, ever, who changed his or her phone number voluntarily. Most try to keep whatever mobile number they have and port it from one carrier to another.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on December 03, 2016, 08:30:15 PM
Sure, people do that. I know a few people, myself included, who changed phone numbers when I moved. I ditched my Jersey number for one in California not too long after I got here and have family who have done that when they moved as well.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: imissdow on December 04, 2016, 06:27:42 AM
Sometimes just asking is enough. Had a guy give me his number it was a philly area code. My one of my sisters live there so I recognized it right away. I asked about it he told me he had moved. I asked a question about what his favorite place to visit was. It took awhile for him to get back to me and then he picked a well known tourist trap. Sooo did you google that?
If you put a phone number in the search box for Facebook, can bring up their profile. Had a it guy tell me this after he found out my last name and were I lived. Was a tad creepy!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on December 04, 2016, 03:27:21 PM
Gotta love some scammers for entertainment!

Tinder match with a B level celebrity. I didn't notice until he mentioned it. He is engaged to a super model but things are "not going well" and is looking for someone "different and genuine". Women there only want him for his money and sex. I told him I didn't have interest in his money but sex would be good. 😁

Said he was deleting the app and wanted to communicate off site. Told him I messaged his Facebook page and to reply to me there! (I actually did with a screen shot of the conversation. Not sure if they can go after him or not but thought I would try.)

He said I was ignorant and insulted him! Yet, he kept trying!

Pure entertainment I tell you! I couldn't stop laughing!

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on December 04, 2016, 06:52:25 PM
That is rich, momto (pun intended)  :P
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on December 04, 2016, 07:11:15 PM
Just a random share of what one of my friends would call a junior high moment in the world of dating:

So NG is in another state for work just now. We had Thanksgiving at my house; it was the first time in five years that he hadn't cooked for himself. I invited his daughter and granddaughter as well but they went to her mother's this year. He said it seems she's alternating holidays as she spent last Thanksgiving with him. Anyway, we were going to get together for a movie night on Saturday but the weather was so horrible that he didn't come over and we didn't go out. I felt some type of way for a moment but after snuggling in because the rain had gotten fierce, I got over it quickly. Anyway, it turns out the job called him out of state (second time in about three weeks). A few days after he left, he texts to say he was sorry we hadn't gotten together.   :D

Fast forward to yesterday. I posted on social media about getting a friend request from some random alleged widowed guy who I didn't know and who wasn't connected to anyone I know. I made a joke of deleting the request. I had a bunch of friends make jokes and so on. NG pops in and posts that the guy better back off.  ;D ;D I replied with something like, 'Exactly -- that's what I'm saying'. He put smileys and said he'd be home in a week.

Giggle.

Thanks for letting me share and hope you're all having a good weekend!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on December 04, 2016, 09:29:33 PM
Was rainy around here the other night so I mentioned it in an exchange.  18 hours later the guy told me he was out driving in the rain right now. ...it was clear and sunny out at this point so I asked him what he was doing

Answer: "I was driving around road patrolling for the city. Looking for damage or safety issues"


I'm thinking he doesn't live in my city like his profile says.

Yes klim...

I tried a new app. Bagel meets coffee. It's supposed to be more about communication and no swiping based on looks.

Started a pleasant conversation. I asked what part of the city he lives in as it states he lives in my city.

He says a town almost an hour west.
I say not XXX then  (my city).
He says here in my city.
I say his town is almost an hour away.

POOF! He vanished!

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on December 09, 2016, 08:49:58 AM
Did anyone hear an announcement for Catfishing Friday?  It must be - I woke up with three expressions of interest today:

- an OKCupid message from a 29-year-old in Wide-Spot-In-The-Road or something Wyoming who would like me to contact her - off-site at an e-mail address with a Russian domain name - sounds legit :-)

- a fave and a like on match.com from two different lovely women, ages 30 and 31, in Casper, Wyoming - who happen to have included the same Gmail address for further contact.  I guess it was too hard to yell across the boiler room to coordinate who was going to use the "rossewewa" account today.  Did I mention the profiles were word-for-word the same, too?  I should point them to each other, they'd get along well!  :D

Ready to get off of all these sites in 3... 2... 1...

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on December 09, 2016, 10:35:19 AM
Oh, Rob! Sigh ... they just don't quit, do they?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: kjs1989 on December 09, 2016, 10:51:36 AM
Ack, it is so unfortunate there are so many scammers, questionable motive types, and issue laden people on these sites.  I lucked out and met someone "normal," as have many friends and acquaintances, but the process can sure take a lot out of a person in the meantime.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on December 09, 2016, 10:57:16 AM
Agreed, kjs -- the first person I met turned out to be a faker. A couple guys after that ghosted or tried to tell me how to start a relationship by rushing me to meet. Never do that to an introvert. I ended up on a site in late May and like you, met a normal guy. The end of this month will be six months that we've been involved :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on December 09, 2016, 06:10:52 PM
ok heres my complaint ...why is everyone my age so friggin short. I'm not having much luck online and really like meeting people in a situation better. But honestly I go out dancing and to gatherings and am in a room of 40 people and there's  only 2 people taller then me!   I want someone taller then me, I may have to change my mind  about this.

I'm 5'9" .....does height differences bother anybodyelse?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on December 09, 2016, 06:37:53 PM
Ha! I am 5'4" so it's harder to be irritated about height  ;D
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: tybec on December 09, 2016, 06:49:57 PM
Ha, the height thing made me chuckle!  NG is 5'11''.  I am 5'5" 1/2.  With heels, I am respectable to him, but he still calls me short.  MY DH was 6'2'', so he is short to me!  It is all relative.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on December 09, 2016, 07:25:49 PM
Ha! LH was 6'2" and claimed he wasn't tall. I would say when you are 5'4", it's all relative :) NG is 6' and it's funny that I see him as sorta short.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Wheelerswife on December 09, 2016, 08:38:15 PM
I'm 5'9" .....does height differences bother anybodyelse?

I had to chuckle at this.  I have no idea how tall my first husband was.  He was never able to stand and walk.  I got used to towering over him. I had to bend over to kiss him.

My second husband was 6"4+.  He had to bend over to kiss me...and I occasionally stood on a step for a face-to-face hug and kiss.   :) :)

Maureen
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on December 09, 2016, 11:49:31 PM
My LH was 6'3, so every guy I've dated seems short. The height doesn't bother me though. What bothers me is the lack of energy in guys my age. I'm 41. They act like they're in their 70s.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: imissdow on December 10, 2016, 04:55:41 AM
I'm 5'9" I gave up on wearing heels decades ago because of this. My first husband was 6'4" my LH was 5'10" if you could get him to stand up straight. He had broke his back several times and had probally a foot of his back all fused together. The guys I date now are typically my height. I would like a taller guy but it's not a deal breaker. As a 49yo I find the guys who want to date me are 56-65 . The lack of engery is a huge issue. I love movies but I don't want to sit and watch them all the time. That and dinner out seems to be all that most of these guys can handle.   Really, mini golf, bowling, a nice walk, or something more active is way to much?  I just don't get it! 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on December 10, 2016, 02:02:54 PM
imissdow -- interesting you say that. NG is 52 and certainly loves to just chill (also broke his back a few years ago ... lower back issues galore) but we had a great time at one of those escape rooms. However, while I go to the gym, I am not a particularly outdoorsy sort so chilling (and cooking!) works for me. Now, back to my steaks for tonight ;)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on December 10, 2016, 02:44:17 PM
If I mention the gym they normally laugh. One guy did go to the gym with me and said, "never again." He did  his own thing. It's not like I was running him through my weight routine. I miss going to the gym with my LH. He helped motivate and challenge me. Not just in the gym.

I agree imissdow. Movies are nice, but I want to go out and do fun activities too. Be active!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on December 11, 2016, 08:18:55 AM
OMG I'm 54 but I'm viewed as active even in an active group.....

I'm capable of relaxing but yes I need to be doing. I have a picture of myself rock climbing in my profile.....not because I love rock climbing( it was a one time thing) but to show I'm active.

,,,,,,,and yet i still get people 10 years older then me that look like a walk by the lake would get them breathng hard contacting me.

Realistically I'd like to meet someone of similar age and similar activity level....how hard can this be???? :P
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: nonesuch on December 11, 2016, 09:34:07 AM
Around 50 or so, men start to shrink, too. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on December 11, 2016, 04:55:02 PM
My theory is all the tall ones are taken! 😁
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: trying2breathe on December 12, 2016, 08:24:11 AM
5'2", so height isn't a big deal for me.   :D   


Yup, the energy thing - I'm having a different kind of a problem though.  Guy that I've seen a few times is super active, but mostly wants to do his thing - stand up paddle boarding, surfing, rock climbing.  At my age, it's unlikely that I'll keep up with him with his sports.  My dancing, hiking and going to the gym seems boring to him.   sigh .......   
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on December 12, 2016, 10:48:28 AM
Trying -- maybe you all could meet in the middle since you like hiking, which it seems like he might enjoy as well. And then you could always swim while he paddle boards. A girl's gotta keep her own pleasures but have fun with her fella as well :) That is, if you're both open to a bit of compromise.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: trying2breathe on December 12, 2016, 11:16:22 AM
arneal   I will try to include him in on my activities.  What bothers me is that he was incredulous that I wouldn't join him for a night-time paddle (chilly night!) to see the moon rise.  Sounds romantic, yes - but I think it would have been a miserable experience for me.  Feeling old.  Guess I should feel lucky that he's active, though.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on December 12, 2016, 11:31:26 AM
Trying: You might want to have a conversation with him about your likes and so on if you haven't already. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to do something like that. My NG was shocked that I didn't play board games; I explained (kindly) that I am not really competitive. He gave it a bit of thought and surmised that since I didn't really grow up playing them as I have no siblings, I didn't grow that competition gene :) I think he is sometimes a bit disappointed but I told him he could teach me. In actuality, I just don't pay attention to rules very well so most games tend to overwhelm me even when they are viewed as simple. We've got to work this thing to find some common ground and then accept where our differences are :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on December 12, 2016, 01:55:45 PM
My Personal Safety - Public Service Announcement of the Day:

I didn't like how a man who I had met was speaking to me via text.
I asked him to stop, then I asked him to not contact me again.
I learned how to use the block feature of my phone and didn't think about it for a few days.

When I opened my blocked messages folder, there was a barrage of texts, over the course of a few days, spewing derogatory curse words at me, and the last text which threatened bodily harm to me and one of my children.

In Florida, the electronic communication of threats of bodily harm is a 2nd degree felony.
This morning, I went to the local sheriff's office and filed a report, and then followed that up by going to the local courthouse and filed an injunction for a protective order for me and my children. If granted, uniformed officers will be serving him within the next 24-48 hours and detectives will be investigating.

Be careful out there, friends.
I know we like to think the initial best of others, but it can be a minefield out there.
Reality.
Too many internal emotions raging to type them out here, but I'm guessing you can imagine.
 :'(


Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on December 12, 2016, 01:59:42 PM
Oh, Sunshine :(
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Forgottenwife on December 12, 2016, 02:24:05 PM
My Personal Safety - Public Service Announcement of the Day:

I didn't like how a man who I had met was speaking to me via text.
I asked him to stop, then I asked him to not contact me again.
I learned how to use the block feature of my phone and didn't think about it for a few days.

When I opened my blocked messages folder, there was a barrage of texts, over the course of a few days, spewing derogatory curse words at me, and the last text which threatened bodily harm to me and one of my children.

In Florida, the electronic communication of threats of bodily harm is a 2nd degree felony.
This morning, I went to the local sheriff's office and filed a report, and then followed that up by going to the local courthouse and filed an injunction for a protective order for me and my children. If granted, uniformed officers will be serving him within the next 24-48 hours and detectives will be investigating.

Be careful out there, friends.
I know we like to think the initial best of others, but it can be a minefield out there.
Reality.
Too many internal emotions raging to type them out here, but I'm guessing you can imagine.
 :'(

Wow. What a creep, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I trust the authorities will set him straight. My guess is a visit from uniformed officers will get him to immediately stop. You definitely made the right decision to go to the authorities.

Unbelievable, I am shocked. Thanks for this cautionary tale to be careful.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on December 12, 2016, 04:26:02 PM
Wow SunshineFL. So sorry that happened!! That is def a cautionary tale - I've been harassed from online dating but that is a whole different scary level. Smart to take action....be careful out there ladies.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Trying on December 12, 2016, 06:31:21 PM
Yikes Sunshine!  That is creepy and scary.  I'm glad you took it seriously and took action, you really never know what people are capable of.  Always trust your gut!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on December 15, 2016, 08:57:55 AM
Hugs my friend SFL, and stay safe!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on December 15, 2016, 09:00:09 AM
If my dating life was not comical enough already...

I am meeting a 6'3" actor for lunch today!

If you have read any of my recent posts, you will find this pretty amusing!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on December 15, 2016, 11:46:12 AM
Just don't giggle in your beverage as you think of those posts yourself, momto  ;D
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on December 15, 2016, 08:27:03 PM
If my dating life was not comical enough already...

I am meeting a 6'3" actor for lunch today!

If you have read any of my recent posts, you will find this pretty amusing!

It's nice to finally get a chance to meet a nice person, and have a great conversation for almost 2 hours.  I was beginning to doubt they existed or if they would ever cross my path, through on line dating. He even asked to see me again.

Who knows where, if anywhere, it might go, but it was nice to meet a true gentleman.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on December 15, 2016, 08:30:34 PM
Just don't giggle in your beverage as you think of those posts yourself, momto  ;D

I told him my actor story and he couldn't believe it! 😁
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on December 15, 2016, 09:20:11 PM
Glad you had a good time!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on December 16, 2016, 12:23:39 AM
Glad you had a good time! I hope the 2nd date is even better!

I had another guy contact me through Facebook.  We've been chatting quite a bit the past few days.  The guy I was dating wants to go out tomorrow or Saturday. I think we're leaning more towards the friend zone.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on December 16, 2016, 10:41:21 AM
Nothing wrong with making some friends along the way, Virgo -- hope 'the one' shows up for you though :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on December 20, 2016, 01:02:26 AM
We ended up not getting together for our talk. I figured if he really wanted to talk he would have rescheduled a time. I didn't contact him.

The two guys I'm talking to are around my age, tall, and active. I thought that was funny since we were talking about that. One is 6'6 and the other is 6'4.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on December 23, 2016, 11:54:25 PM
I debated cancelling my date for tonight, but I'm glad I didn't. Really nice guy, complete gentleman. We both mentioned going out again.

The reason I debated, I wasn't in the best mental state. I took my dad to the ER around 10am and was with him until 5pm. The MRI showed brain damage from multiple  mini strokes and alcohol abuse. For those who don't know, my mom died 3 months before my husband. She had ALS.  It's going to be a long, hard road with my dad. I just don't feel strong enough this time. Everyone is waiting for ME to take control. Completely baffles me! I already started looking into obtaining a power of attorney. Next steps will be moving assests, assisted living, and selling my childhood home. :( My dad is 66. From the years of alcohol abuse they are saying his brain is comparable to a 85 year old.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on December 26, 2016, 12:12:20 PM
You are in my thoughts, Virgo. Becoming a parent for our parents is tough. I am an only child and my mom is back east, so it is a constant thing on my mind. Glad you had a good date though! Good for you!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on December 26, 2016, 12:39:55 PM
Well you guys. I will be joining you in the online dating world soon enough. Shit just ended with NG after 14months.

I need a break, but I also don't want to avoid the hard work of dating....so I will probably start up sooner than later, maybe in a couple weeks once I see what my new school schedule is like....but then again maybe sooner because I am a curious bird.
 I am really trying to not be discouraged by all this.....I mean wow. Giving another man a fair shot is going to really test me....it's going to be hard But I must try to be as fair as I want to be treated. *deep breath*

I'll keep everyone informed of whatever online dating adventures I have, lol.

But deep down I am hoping I just meet someone in the real world..... That's how I met LH.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on December 26, 2016, 12:45:15 PM
Semper -- you will find a guy who is there for you as you will be for him. I think there are opportunities for online dating to be the jumping off point to meeting a good person in the real world. NG and I met online, messaged on the site, had one phone conversation to firm up face to face meeting plans, and followed through. I hope that it will be a long-lasting situation (it's been about seven months now) but realize there are no guarantees. However, I totally agree with you that continued online back and forth is ... weird ...  :o Hope you find a special situation sooner rather than later and that any adventures are fun and harmless. I know that you will come back with something entertaining though because you are so good with words :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on December 26, 2016, 09:29:36 PM
Semper, all of my dates have either been from meeting through friends or Facebook. I haven't ventured into online dating yet.

The guy who I met up with Friday is talking about getting together Wednesday. I'll keep you posted. I'm still chatting with the other guy, but he is dating someone. Stepping back a bit. I do enjoy talking to him though.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on December 27, 2016, 12:38:04 PM
Hi, friends - I hope the holidays are treating everyone well.
I'm just popping in for a moment with an update to my prior PSA post about personal safety (Reply #1007) and encouragement for others to stand strong in your truth and to listen to your intuition.

The hearing in court was held today on my motion for a permanent injunction and protective order. I appeared. He didn't. The judge granted my motion and ordered him to have no contact with me (in all its forms which are detailed and enumerated in the document) for TEN years.

He'll be served at work again by a uniformed sheriff. In addition, for the public safety as well as mine and my children's safety, he will have to turn in any firearms he might own and is forbidden by law to own or be near any firearms or ammunition for ten years as well.

We each have a voice and a right to not have anyone threaten us in any way.  It was very uncomfortable and trying for me to walk through this, but I did and if ever any of you need to as well (but I hope you never do), you know you can.  We have all survived much, much worse, right? (hugs)

As my dear sister-friend north of the US border reminded me to now do - EXHALING.
Thank you.  I hope my sharing publicly helps someone in any way.

Back to our regularly scheduled "Online dating vents and laughs" program, please...with emphasis on the fun, the laughs, the joy, the good and kind and respectful connections with good people!!


Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on December 27, 2016, 01:23:53 PM
I am cheering for you, Sunshine! You go, girl!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: trying2breathe on December 27, 2016, 04:30:59 PM
Sunshine   Glad to hear that you followed through with an injunction and protective order.  Thank you for sharing your experience with what must have been a frightening time!   


To better times ahead with good, kind, and respectful people!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Trying on December 27, 2016, 06:53:46 PM
Sunshine what an awful ordeal for you to go through.  I am so glad you had the strength and insight to follow through and protect yourself.  I hope you can begin to put this in the past.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on December 27, 2016, 08:26:56 PM
Sunshine my friend, you are a strong woman.
Biggest hugs....

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on December 27, 2016, 08:31:37 PM
First date suggestion after initial meet and greet....

"Would you be up for coming to my place tonight and chilling?"

Sigh.....
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on December 27, 2016, 09:24:15 PM
mtk...reminds me of a guy in the summer who tried to convince me that coming to his house for a hot tub was a good first date!?!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on December 28, 2016, 08:06:35 AM
Klim, I am at a loss to understand some of these men. The sad part is, it must work for them or they wouldn't suggest these things.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: trying2breathe on December 28, 2016, 11:51:52 AM
Guy I've seen twice asked me for dinner at his place - not ready yet for that.   He has yet to ask me out for dinner - I'd be happy to share the check.   Whatever ......   :-\
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Portside on December 28, 2016, 06:32:20 PM
Klim, I am at a loss to understand some of these men. The sad part is, it must work for them or they wouldn't suggest these things.

It does work - that's why they do it. Some 'Ladies' say similar things too. Not everyone is a decent guy/gal. If you are in the dating market for any length of time, you'll run into one.

It's no different than high school except for the fact that the players are older.

Good luck - Mike
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: wecouldbeheros on December 29, 2016, 04:29:16 PM
Think this crosses over the gender gap, maybe it's the day and times, but I've seen an equal number on both sides.
Online complicates it, and imo accelerates it, because it's so easy to multiple date, so many seem brave with their approach, because there's always someone who will listen. Just a thought.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on January 02, 2017, 05:13:29 PM
Make it go away ! After a hiatus from online , I went back. So far 2 scammers, a lot from states far away . And the topper today I see a guy that looks familiar, because his wife and him come to my gym class . I know both of them . I seriously want to stick pins in my eyes , it would be less painful!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on January 02, 2017, 07:14:23 PM
Momto - there are some major creeps in the world. When my first husband died, my nextdoor neighbor's husband tried to get my attention. Ew.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on January 02, 2017, 08:48:48 PM
I'm already losing interest. I'm not as patient with the crap anymore. Not interested in drama or games. I'm good by myself. If the guy doesn't add to my life...bu...bye!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on January 02, 2017, 09:34:53 PM
Sorry momtojandj.
I found scammers galore this round too.

Pins in my eyes....Yup!
Way less painful!

Virgo,
Yup, I have lost all my patience as well!


Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on January 02, 2017, 09:39:13 PM
Random Happy New Year texts came in on NYE.....

One from Mr "Can't meet you for coffee because I don't know when I'll finish from the gym".

Second from Mr "Come to my place and chill on a first date".

Yes, I laughed! 😁
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on January 02, 2017, 10:47:11 PM
I got a Happy New Year text from all of the guys I've dated. Plus a text from from a guy that I haven't been out with. He was out with his girlfriend.  😂
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on January 03, 2017, 09:51:23 AM
Well I jumped on match again about a week ago. But I kept my profile in "hidden" mode so that men couldn't contact me or see my profile unless I had initiated some kind of contact with them.

Honestly most of the profiles seemed like duds. It was actually kinda discouraging. I just felt like "oh my Gawd I am better off alone I think".  Which I guess is not the worst way to feel.... After the wacko I just ditched, I feel really okay with being alone for now....strange concept after being widowed....but the bad profiles just reinforced that feeling.

But I saw one fella who really caught my attention with what he wrote, and it turns out what I wrote really resonated with him too. Blah blah blah turns out he is a Persian gulf vet & 14yr navy guy, wants to live as far outside of the city as possible just like me.... Lives a very similar lifestyle to me and to the way LH was raised also. We went on a date yesterday and it was a hit. :-) Actually he initiated a lot of curiosity about LH and I didn't feel weird talking about LH at all. The give and take of our whole date felt very balanced. It was great to talk to someone familiar with the VA and all the veteran craziness. He even had inquired about how LH and I met, and smiled and laughed at the story. I felt like I was in the twilight zone.....especially after dating a guy who fundamentally did not respect LH or my decision to be with LH as long as I was. This guy point blank told me how much he respected what I went through with LH, etc.  Having that understanding off the bat is a really good place to be starting.

Anyway. A good experience. We'll see where this goes.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on January 03, 2017, 12:14:34 PM
Okay, Virgo -- out with his girlfriend?! Really? Pins in eyes for sure!

Semper -- yay!!! Your date reminds me of my first phone conversation and date with NG last spring. All the best, friend!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on January 03, 2017, 07:07:58 PM
This seems to be the time of year for online dating - the activity pickup is giving me whiplash! :)  I am actually conflicted about how many threads I am willing to pick up.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on January 03, 2017, 09:16:45 PM
Oh  definitely think this is a heavy season for online..new year new life....
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on January 05, 2017, 05:55:10 PM
Yup! Busy season!

The widowed, pipeline engineers, working overseas, are in full force!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on January 05, 2017, 06:29:55 PM
Right momto!

In other news, is it just me or has the 'like' button disappeared?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RyanAmysMom on January 08, 2017, 01:25:38 AM
Created a profile on Match for about 20 minutes last night.  Was browsing my "matches" and saw my daughter's piano teacher's husband.   :o :o :o :o  Yup.  Deleted my profile.  'nuff of that nonsense......
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on January 08, 2017, 09:51:16 AM
I'm sorry RyanAmysMom.

The married guys are everywhere, even the paid sites.

My match has expired since last August. I had deleted pics and all narratives. Just my stats are there.

I added I am no longer a member on my status line and in my info section I wrote saying sorry you missed out, I'm no longer a member, too bad as I am a good catch!

I added a pic back 2 days ago, as an experiment but did not change my words....

I now have likes, winks, messages! This proves that most men don't read, they only look at pics! Geez!!!


Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on January 08, 2017, 04:53:18 PM
Momto -- sad, isn't it? I think what stumps me most about dating sites is how many people are there looking just for sex and how many seem to think that's all anyone wants. I guess the translation for 'looking for long-term relationship' is 'looking for long-term f*** buddy' :(
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on January 10, 2017, 01:04:13 PM
Created a profile on Match for about 20 minutes last night.  Was browsing my "matches" and saw my daughter's piano teacher's husband.   :o :o :o :o  Yup.  Deleted my profile.  'nuff of that nonsense......

Oh crap. Yeah. Sad.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: wecouldbeheros on January 10, 2017, 03:51:09 PM
Maybe the marriage is ending and PT's wife is on there also. You never know.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on January 10, 2017, 05:00:14 PM
You really can't make this stuff up!

Message on Match.  I can actually read it as this member has the reply for free option....

"I really enjoyed reading your profile. I just wanted to say hi…."

This is what my complete profile says...

"Find me before August 17th, 2016...I will expire after that...
You didn't find me...
So I guess I have expired...
Too bad...
I am a great catch too..."

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on January 11, 2017, 11:55:11 AM
Where is the like button? :)

Of course the guy who I enjoy talking to the most is unavailable. He's in an on/off relationship with his girlfriend. 
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: wecouldbeheros on January 11, 2017, 12:44:26 PM
Time to switch it to "off"
Lol
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on January 11, 2017, 04:16:43 PM
Where is the like button? :)

Of course the guy who I enjoy talking to the most is unavailable. He's in an on/off relationship with his girlfriend.

Wow I am surprised he was forward about this. Kudos for the honesty I guess?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on January 11, 2017, 11:20:09 PM
We're very open, very comfortable talking with each other. That's why I'm so attracted to him. I love his personality, and we have a lot in common.  When we started talking to each other it was like we had been close for years. We talk daily, all throughout the day. I hope we at least remain friends. I really enjoy talking to him.

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on January 11, 2017, 11:25:20 PM
Time to switch it to "off"
Lol

That's his decision to make, but I think it's just a matter of time. He has to see it.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on January 12, 2017, 11:57:12 AM
I have been chatting/talking with a guy that lives 3 hours away for months now.  I like the guy but I just don't think it is going to go anywhere.  I keep asking when we are going to meet and he avoids that question.  Time to move on.

Went out with supper with some old friends this week, each of them met their significant other online so I opened up my profile, yet again. 

Lots of "likes" and one message.  The guy's profile is so "wild", it is so long and doesn't make any sense at all.  I am trying to be open, but...????
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Forgottenwife on January 12, 2017, 12:32:50 PM
Hi needytoo! I met my current partner online, it took time and patience. I chatted up and met a lot of men and then one day found my match. You can do it!

Not sure what to say about the long nonsensical profile? I would be sort of turned off and cautious. Who knows?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on January 12, 2017, 12:49:47 PM
Yes, Needy -- as you know from my posts, NG and I met online. Patience and a sense of humor are definitely necessary  :P
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on January 12, 2017, 04:55:59 PM
Years ago when I first ventured onto the sites I thought it was going to be so easy. Little did I know how many "weird ones" there are out there, but I guess it is better to find out online than in person.  Then I find someone that I think there is hope, but they end up ghosting, just want to chat or want to meet right away and sometimes my schedule I just can't make it on short warning.

Maybe I should suck it up and try one of the paid sites again instead of the free ones.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on January 12, 2017, 05:01:42 PM
Needy, I agree with you. I found that the trolls seem fine with paying too, unfortunately. I think it's about gaining experience and reading posts here to learn about the potential pitfalls!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Portside on January 12, 2017, 06:17:27 PM

He's in an on/off relationship with his girlfriend.


I'll bet he is.  ;D

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Forgottenwife on January 12, 2017, 06:25:16 PM
Years ago when I first ventured onto the sites I thought it was going to be so easy. Little did I know how many "weird ones" there are out there, but I guess it is better to find out online than in person.  Then I find someone that I think there is hope, but they end up ghosting, just want to chat or want to meet right away and sometimes my schedule I just can't make it on short warning.

Maybe I should suck it up and try one of the paid sites again instead of the free ones.

There were so many weirdos! Ugh, I remember that and I had to block a couple of people. I just kept at it and finally weeded through the ghosters and creeps and met some actual regular people. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it.

Not sure about the paid vs. free sites, I have heard people have success with either. I found someone on a free site. I seem to remember a discussion on here (maybe even this thread) where people talked about what site was best depending on a variety of factors like age, religion, region, things like that.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: wecouldbeheros on January 12, 2017, 07:14:39 PM

He's in an on/off relationship with his girlfriend.


Times have sure changed.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Virgo on January 12, 2017, 10:59:06 PM
It's like high school. Breaking up and getting back together. I don't understand that. To me they're settling while hoping it will get better. I'm not going to settle or be settled for. Moving on.... :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on January 13, 2017, 05:00:29 PM
This week has provided a couple doozies....

1. Conversing with someone I was really enjoying. I got the best first line ever, about him saving a bird on his property, when I asked him to tell me something about himself. He seemed extremely interested and we made plans to meet this Saturday. Then late Wednesday....POOF! Stopped responding. Completely out of character as he was a prolific caller and texter. Another one Ghosted!

I decided to reply as follows....

Hey XXX,
I'm guessing you are no longer interested? Not sure why the complete reversal of intentions within hours.
I wish you could just be honest about it. Trust me, I have survived much worse! Why men feel the need to just vanish in thin air, I don't know. Good luck in whatever you are looking for. I hope you find her. I am quite a catch and the right real man will be one lucky guy!

I felt much better after that!

2. Matched and messaged with someone and seemed ok to exchange numbers with. First text I get was a picture. I was worried it was "one of those pics". Nope, it was a pic of a much older and heavier person. I was not impressed and said so. He tried to say hello a couple days later.

Then looking through my FB people I may know....are 2 profiles....young pic with name he gave...older pic with a different name. Called him on it and he brushed it off as lots of people have 2 FB profiles. I told him to bugger off and within minutes I get a group chat set up on Viber from younger profile with a bunch of other women. None of us had a clue what was going on. I blocked and reported it. I threatened him with telling the head of his company what he did. Ironically I know the CEO of where he works. He denied everything. Block!!!

I felt such ICK after that. I hid all my profiles!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on January 13, 2017, 05:11:59 PM
Oh, momto ... glad we have the 'like' button back, but I couldn't use it, even though I wanted to give you kudos for calling them both out!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on January 13, 2017, 05:22:34 PM
I have been chatting/talking with a guy that lives 3 hours away for months now.  I like the guy but I just don't think it is going to go anywhere.  I keep asking when we are going to meet and he avoids that question.  Time to move on.

Went out with supper with some old friends this week, each of them met their significant other online so I opened up my profile, yet again. 

Lots of "likes" and one message.  The guy's profile is so "wild", it is so long and doesn't make any sense at all.  I am trying to be open, but...????

If he can't commit to a meet, he never had an intention of meeting. Just my experience.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on January 14, 2017, 08:07:21 AM
I think you are right momtokam, he just wants a "text" buddy and I am alright with that, I enjoy hearing his text early every morning. 

Received a message back from the "weird" one, there is something not right with him, staying away from that one. 

Momtokam, I wish I had the guts to say the truth to these guys. 

I seem to have a repeat problem with online dating:

-1st the ghosting problem, am I that boring?
-guys who don't even send a message just their cell numbers.  Is it because they don't have data on their phones, want to send "those" kind of pictures, want a hookup?
-first meet, all they do is talk about themselves

Any opininions?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SemperFidelis on January 14, 2017, 08:30:20 AM


Then looking through my FB people I may know....are 2 profiles....young pic with name he gave...older pic with a different name. Called him on it and he brushed it off as lots of people have 2 FB profiles. I told him to bugger off and within minutes I get a group chat set up on Viber from younger profile with a bunch of other women. None of us had a clue what was going on. I blocked and reported it. I threatened him with telling the head of his company what he did. Ironically I know the CEO of where he works. He denied everything. Block!!!

Wow, lots of people have two FB accounts? Omg. What a joke. Only people trying to decieve and conceal have two FB accounts. Classic.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on January 14, 2017, 10:02:04 AM
Needytoo,

Ghosting sadly is the norm rather than the exception. I am definitely not boring and I get ghosted. I think these guys have many on the go and pick and choose who to continue with. This is fine, it's not like we are exclusive at this initial point.  My issue is that they are not upfront about it and they feel disappearing is easier than saying something. My ghoster from above really bugged me though because the time and effort he put in didn't feel like he was juggling with anyone else. Lesson learned!

Phone number only in the first message? This is a no for me. It's a sign they want you off the site to communicate. It could be for many reasons,  most not good. I need a few messages on the site first to rule out any major red flags or deal breakers.

My first meets generally go very well. But I am a talker and an extrovert so I have no problem keeping things going back and forth. I've never had a first meet that didn't want to see me again. I am the one that has chosen not to continue at times.

My problem is getting to the first meet. I really don't know why for sure. I still suspect that my age, 51, and having 3 kids, 2 youngish, has a lot to do with it. The men my age want younger or very free and available women it seems.

The much older men who contact me have not appealed to me. I'm ok with 5-7 years older but more than that doesn't appeal to me. Just like more than 5-6 years younger doesn't appeal to me.

If anyone has suggestions to get to the first meet stage, let me know!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on January 15, 2017, 07:20:53 AM
I can't say I had very many first meets but each one has been the same. They ramble on and on, pretty sure they are doing it because they are nervous.  I too am very outgoing, but for some reason, I can't be myself on these first meets. Not sure what the psychology with that is? Hopefully next time it will be better.

I am a bit of a sign-up junkie. I would have so much stuff going on that when I guy would ask me out I would have to say no. A dating coach suggested I "make room" for dating.  I cut back on everything and then I went through very lonely to enjoying my solitude a little too much.  This year I am hoping to have a little more balance.  My new theory is I need to meet new people, male and female.  I joined a ton of committees at work and trying out a community club to see if I want to join. 

How much effort does everyone put into this?  I have found in the past it seemed this online dating stuff sucked up so much of my time, but I do want to meet someone.  I am going to try datingadviceguys advice on sending out a few messages on a Sunday.

I am up for any suggestions for first meet as well.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on January 15, 2017, 08:38:01 AM
I dropped off Match 4 months ago (hidden profile) and I just got a message from a guy who ghosted on me very quickly over the summer. His email said that our timing was "off" but could we reconnect? WTF? I've been internet dating for years and ghosting is so common...so don't take any of it personally- usually has nothing to do with you but the other persons situation.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on January 15, 2017, 03:38:04 PM
The ghosting thing is a mystery, isn't it? Sometimes it seems that for one or both people, either the conversation isn't going where they want (suggestion to hook up not coming quick enough, not enough common interests really) or they don't want to say that the other person isn't what they were looking for. The first time I reached out to this guy on one dating site and he said I wasn't what he was looking for, I was sort of hurt, but then I appreciated his honesty and took a lesson. I started doing the same -- thanks, not interested, good luck with your search sort of thing.

As far as first meets are concerned, if you haven't made the suggestion before, consider doing so -- as in not waiting for the guy to do it. NG and I hit it off on the dating site messaging; I wrote something like 'we should meet for coffee or lunch or something'. He agreed and gave me his #. I gave him one of mine (the one I used exclusively for dating at that point -- I didn't give out my real # right away so as to avoid those that turned into weirdos lol). He called me and we talked for about an hour, then made plans to meet two days later. That was Memorial Day weekend last year and we're still connected :)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on January 15, 2017, 06:44:24 PM
... he brushed it off as lots of people have 2 FB profiles.

Um ... what the absolute fuck?  I've seen dual profiles a couple of times, mostly when someone forgets how to log into their first account!  :)

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RyanAmysMom on January 15, 2017, 08:02:57 PM
Can I ask a very frank question that really demonstrates my naivete?  (and insecurity...)
I'm in two conversations online with men who seem to be quite handsome.....
Do men really actually like women with a little meat on them?  'Cuz I totally thought I wouldn't be attractive to some of the men that I am chatting with......  I mean - I'm at the top of the plus-size range....
So guys.... Are you interested in heavier girls?  Or am I being "played" here?  Please be honest.....
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on January 15, 2017, 09:37:01 PM
@RyanAmysMom - I responded to your post on your other "dating newbie" thread. 
(((Hugs))) it can be a jungle out there in the surreal world of online dating.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: MrsDan on January 16, 2017, 08:03:35 AM
... he brushed it off as lots of people have 2 FB profiles.

Um ... what the absolute fuck?  I've seen dual profiles a couple of times, mostly when someone forgets how to log into their first account!  :)

Take care,
Rob T

Dan had two profiles. One used a nick name, and was him at his most real and personal. That was the profile I was "married" to. He also had a profile that used his real name. He used that profile for patrons, board members, certain coworkers, and some family members. Dan was a children's librarian, and very much loved, so people wanted to friend him on Facebook, and he also announced library programs there. Because Dan was completely irreverent, he also wanted to post where it wouldn't adversely affect his career. So he had that profile too. There was a lot of overlap in the friends list.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on January 16, 2017, 11:22:13 AM
My reaction was more along Rob's reaction.

I guess I can see it in your Dan's situation MrsDan.
This guy's one profile seemed so vague though and seemed to be a way to get attention from someone (younger picture) and then come clean once he had your contact info. That did not sit well for me.

I guess if I want to be more anonymous I could create another FB profile and just use that one for dating.
What I did do was remove my cell phone from my profile.  It wasn't public but I think if someone has it in their phone,  FB likes to say they might know you and you show up in their recommendation, as part of their algorithms.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: trying2breathe on January 16, 2017, 02:05:04 PM
Good dates, bad dates or otherwise, the start of this year has been not a good scene for me.   Even my matchmaking service has come up with ..... nothing.   I was so discouraged this morning that I got out my wedding ring and I've been wearing it all day as a reminder that I was once loved.  To hell with it all ......  :-[
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on January 16, 2017, 02:10:43 PM
Great point, MrsDan -- I have two profiles but I never thought of it that way ... one is the general one and the other is my author profile. Some people are connected to me only through my blog and writing, rather than personally. I didn't share my social media with anyone in the online dating world and it seems none of those who reached out to me was savvy enough to know how to find even my public professional profiles. NG and I are friends on Facebook but that came a number of months after we started seeing each other. He knows about both my profiles, even though he only follows my 'personal' one.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on January 16, 2017, 05:52:09 PM
Oh trying tobreathe ...it's good to be able to remind yourself... if putting your ring back on works....perfect!!!

It's a tough game to play.....and it's not really a game but if I put that spin on it I feel like I have to enjoy the effort I'm putting into it.

I mess with scammers, laugh at the youngster and oldsters trying to get my attention , try and brush off those that reject me ( usually by being juvenile and in my head go through everything that was wrong with them even though some of them looked pretty perfect)...and lastly try and hold out hope that the next contact is going to be "the one"

Enjoy the ride as much as possible.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on January 17, 2017, 06:57:11 AM
I sent out three emails on Sunday and had one response.  He answered my question and that was it.  Guys, why don't you ask a question back so we can keep the conversation going?  Is this one of those "Men are from Mars" moments? 

The one guy that I have been chatting with also has two facebook accounts.  He told me one was hacked, that is why he has two.  Not sure if a facebook account can be hacked. I just assumed he had two because one was his life before his divorce.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: wecouldbeheros on January 17, 2017, 08:48:05 AM
What's with the two Facebook accounts. Never post what you don't want on the front pages of a newspaper. If one would ask FB has a habit of ruining relationships why would one want two. I dungetit.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on January 17, 2017, 02:59:20 PM
Needy -- yes, FB account issues are a real thing. A few of my very good friends have had it happen. I would get a second friend request and all of a sudden they would send a message saying to us not to accept it because it wasn't them :(
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: trying2breathe on January 18, 2017, 09:16:56 AM
Thank you, klim.  Right now I'm happily wearing my wedding band, and taking some time off from trying to date. I'm so cranky, nothing seems right.  Not a good state of mind to try to meet a guy.   


I'll hopefully hop back on this horse soon  ::) , and then enjoy the ride.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on January 20, 2017, 11:32:00 AM
try2breathe I have tried the old dating thing on and off for awhile.  I went in totally blind and I don't recommend that, ask as many questions you would like to. 

Had my teeth cleaned a few days ago, my dental hygienist is so full of information on on-line dating.  All her children found their partners that way.  She is so inspirational.

One guy sent me back two emails and pretty sure he has ghosted now.  My texter from afar lost his job last night.  I sent him a supportive text, but I am really thinking he is going to hit me up for money.  Is it wrong to always assume the worse? 

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on January 20, 2017, 07:33:36 PM
Is it wrong to always assume the worse? 

I had a discussion about this very thing today.

Not wrong at all when you have seen the same pattern over and over. I do believe that not everyone is like this though and the good ones, that will change this point of view, are out there. I am an optimist and always believe in the good in people. Sometimes this gets me burnt. I keep trying.

I hope I can share a good story one day soon...

Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on January 21, 2017, 01:33:54 AM
ok I've gone on 4 dates with a tall,wealthy fellow that is fun,flirtatious and enfactuated with me. I'm having fun but I don't know, I'm not totally relaxed....it's like i don't beleive he could be that taken with me.....and of course I'm over thinking everything.....why can't I just relax!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on January 21, 2017, 02:16:36 AM
kilm - meet him and see, if that feels safe.  All you can do!

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on January 21, 2017, 09:19:21 AM
I am really trying to be an optimist as well momtokam. Learning to use boundaries and when to be assertive which in general has improved my life so much but there are still those life moments or certain people that I still have some issues on how to handle them. 

Kilm, I can understand your feelings and I wish I could give you some answers but unfortunately I have nothing.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on January 21, 2017, 09:50:12 AM
Klim, I totally get the "This is too good to be true" feeling.

It's so hard not to feel this. Most of the time it seems to be true. But, we have to try and think that sometimes it can happen.

Are there any red flags worrying you, not letting you relax?
Over thinking has been my specialty. I'm trying really hard to just go with the flow more. If it doesn't feel dangerous or overly worrysome, give the guy a chance. If you find yourself being too drawn in, too quickly, try and hold back a little. My specialty here too, so easier said than done.

Maybe I'm trying to give myself some advice here too. (Very deep I know! 😁)

And hey, of it works out, see if he has a friend for me! 😁(Kidding...maybe!)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on January 21, 2017, 09:52:03 AM
Just keep trying needytoo....😊
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Captains wife on January 21, 2017, 11:39:54 AM
I hear you - I'm having trouble trusting...I'm dating a great man right now but I keep looking for red flags. #whatswrongwiththisguy.  Just enjoy your time with these good dates klim! : )
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: trying2breathe on January 21, 2017, 01:50:19 PM
klim  Maybe proceed with a little bit of caution with your new guy?  Hope for the best but prepare in case something goes awry.  I like the adage "there's a lid for every pot" - believe in the possibility that you may be a great fit for him, and enjoy!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: trying2breathe on January 21, 2017, 02:04:03 PM
  Is it wrong to always assume the worse? 
I don't think it's wrong, it's necessary in today's world to have a sense of caution with dating.  I'm a glass half-full kind of person - although I know it's important, for me it's difficult to get into this mindset.  Not to mention that it's disappointing when things don't go well. I'm trying to learn to be careful, have no expectations, and be pleasantly surprised when something goes right. :D   Easy to say, not so easy to do.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: RobFTC on January 21, 2017, 11:41:04 PM
I think the biggest thing for me was to learn not to take anything personally.  Women won't respond - who knows why?  Women flake - I don't know why there, either.  I'm not their flavor of the month; they have an oh-so-close-to-a-relationship pending; they aren't paid up; it's none of my business.  I only need to worry about the ones who do want to meet.  It's been easier.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on January 22, 2017, 10:12:40 AM
I am trying momtokam.  I find it remarkable that so many people find their partners through online dating because I am not finding it very easy at all, but I try to keep positive.  I do understand that it most likely very hard for guys in my age range as well. 

I am reading profiles and trying to decided on who to send a message to.  Right now I am on a free site and it seems like all the guys are truck drivers, handymen or retired at 50 (which translate to me to being unemployed).  My husband was a truck driver so I know how that is.  Handymen, guess some do well for themselves but right now I am suing one so really rather stay away from that.  Guys who play in bands, great to have a hobby but dam hard to make a living on it.  Their profiles either don't say anything at all or talk about fishing or hunting, I can't even come up with a question to ask them.  Or the guys whose profiles are demanding a certain "model" type and then have a picture of themselves that looks like it is a mug shot,they really push my buttons. 

Maybe I should just try Match again.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Momtojandj on January 22, 2017, 11:35:01 AM
Trying match again .. can we all write a book one day about our stories about online ?  I really think it would be a best seller !
Like others, online isn't easy for me . I'll keep trying though .
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: SunshineFL on January 22, 2017, 12:10:15 PM
Just keep trying needytoo....😊

Dory Quote: Just keep swimming.  ;)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on January 22, 2017, 05:20:57 PM
Yes, klim ... I know that feeling. I think recognizing it is vital -- knowing that you can go overthink mode is important so you can pre-plan how to try and not let it bleed into your time with this person, particularly if you like him as well :) All the best!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on January 22, 2017, 06:36:06 PM
Trying match again .. can we all write a book one day about our stories about online ?  I really think it would be a best seller !
Like others, online isn't easy for me . I'll keep trying though .


Good luck and here's to it happening this time!

Oh boy, the stories we could write!
I have been tempted to start a blog.

Writing these adventures out can be therapeutic sometimes.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on January 22, 2017, 06:52:47 PM
Needytoo,

There is no rhyme or reason for picking who to write to. Different things get my attention depending on the profile.
I also don't send out tons of messages. I am very selective.

I have everything hidden, but on pof, messages still come through if you've been in contact before. I received a another message last week, from a persistent man too far from me. I went on to reply. While there, a profile caught my eye. Nice smile and funny headline, right up my alley. I added him as a favourite so I could find him again when I wanted to go back in at some point. Well apparently, once you do that, they can see your profile. I received a message back pretty quickly. We talked the whole week about everything and met Friday. We are still talking and arranging another date.

My point is, I guess I can be pretty picky but sometimes something just stands out for me. It's not always the same thing. Be open and go with your gut, is the best advice I could give you.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on January 22, 2017, 06:57:45 PM
Rob,

Sadly I have usually stopped responding if I am not interested. If I see a fabulous effort with real thought,  I still will respond as a courtesy.

I've had some backlash and it hasn't been worth it.

Yes, concentrate on those that are interested and don't worry about the rest.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on January 22, 2017, 07:27:01 PM
I have read so much about on-line dating, I even paid for a "course" on how to write an on-line dating profile.  I think we should write a book and make millions. 

I guess I am the same as you Momtokam, there is something in the profile or their pictures that draws my attention.  I sent out two emails and also received two emails from two different guys.  One guy is younger and is very nicely built and he has no shirt on. Oh my!!  Pretty sure he is looking for something I am not willing to offer. 
The other guy's picture is well, totally horrible.  He has his face pushed up against a window. Why? I ask why?
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on January 22, 2017, 07:51:29 PM
Up agaist a window?   Ok!

And the young studs? They want a cougar experience. There are obvious takers as it seems to be quite a thing!  No thank you!

I forgot to mention before. I saw you mentioned earlier about the hunting and fishing guys....

The man I just met got me with his headline...

"No fishing, no camping"   I was hooked! 😁
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: wecouldbeheros on January 23, 2017, 02:52:27 AM
ok I've gone on 4 dates with a tall,wealthy fellow that is fun,flirtatious and enfactuated w me

My first question (sorry but had to ask), why would he need a dating site to meet people? I wouldn't tell anyone I had any money until the 5th date ( :
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on January 23, 2017, 06:45:48 AM
he didn't tell me it's an assumption I made from car, house location, and owning a business....he could be in debt up to his eyeballs but he's not renting a room in a house like some of the guys I've met.

 also keep my finances quiet for a while but as soon as people know where I live they know I'm not dirt poor.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on January 25, 2017, 04:42:24 PM
How is it going, everyone? Anyone have an inspiring story? 
My texter from afar, lost his job last week. Last night I received a message from someone that wasn't on my contact list.  It was him; I assumed he used his work cell to text me before.  Today he texts me to ask advice with his girlfriend. 
When are we starting to write the book? 


Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on January 25, 2017, 10:48:09 PM
Needytoo,

If he is asking advice about his girlfriend, cut him loose. You do not need that drama in your life. You deserve more. You deserve the real deal. This is not it.

Nothing overly inspiring to share. My profiles are all still hidden so no funny material for you.

I am getting to know my no fishing, no camping guy. No clue if something will come of it or not yet.

I did go on my first ever, set up/blind date, today. That was interesting. Very nice man. Older than I expected but did not look his age. No immediate spark but may consider another outing if it comes to that.

I have not experienced getting to know more than one person at a time, so that could get entertaining!
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: trying2breathe on January 26, 2017, 09:04:27 AM


Needytoo  Geez, what's he thinking??  Block him!   

Matchmaker set me up with a new guy - we've texted the past 2 days, mostly dog pics.  Seems sweet, maybe we'll see each other this weekend.   Not really feeling it, but we'll see.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on January 26, 2017, 11:19:52 AM
not really feeling it but we'll see...story of my impression of online dating.....

I don't know I think its just the inorganic nature of it......it takes time to form an opinion.

In the past generally you got to know someone peripherally and then if they intrigued you then you try to become more engaged with them....that warm up period is missing in online dating.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on January 26, 2017, 11:59:18 AM
Well-said, klim! There's something sort of odd about messaging, figuring out whether to make that phone call or text or not, and then figuring out whether to meet face-to-face. Maybe it was the surprise of meeting right away that made it different before ...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: klim on January 26, 2017, 12:57:31 PM
wecouldbeheroes just read your reply again....  "why would he need a dating site to meet people"...why do any of us need a dating site!?!


cuz we're not meeting people in our daily lives. I don't think online dating is restricted to one economical or societal class of people....rich people don't necessarily have more friends.

I don't know that's my opinion......do the rest of you feel like online dating brings in a certain type of person?

( ok  I know...fisherman and offshore engineers)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on January 26, 2017, 01:10:11 PM
It could depend on the site, klim. There is a sort of new one (at least I think it's new) targeting doctoral level professionals. There are also those sites for people 50+. Neither of those sorts of age or profession-related targeting speaks to personality, however  ::)
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: wecouldbeheros on January 26, 2017, 04:22:01 PM
You answered your own question.

Makes no bit of difference to me, that is financial status. I once was on the jungle queen cruise ship in Florida. Long story short. Guy brings his gf on, they are sitting and then pass a multi million dollar home (if you were ever there you'd know), gf says omg what a beautiful house. Mind you she thought he was poor. He says you like it ? Yes.

Happy Anniversary...

It's yours.

My point. Geez I have no idea.
Oh yes, money is fine, great and everything, but in the end, matters little. It's the love people share. I guess I'm old fashioned. Maybe just old lol.
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: Needytoo on January 26, 2017, 04:59:51 PM
I joined Our Time, DO NOT BOTHER.  It is a scam.  You get randomly generated emails from guys. 

I think you are all right about "texter from a far". 

"Window face squisher" has made me his favorite on POF. 

I wish someone would set me up with a blind date.  Only had one person suggest it to me and then took it back and said she would feel bad if it didn't turn out. 

I do like the idea of a Matchmaker, there is one in the area, but I don't think she has a very active service and she is very expensive. How much is yours Matchmaker trying2breathe.  I know this one lady who use to put on over 40 single dances, but she stopped.  She said guys would call her and asked if she would guarantee that they would get laid if they went. 

What is going on with the world?  Speaking of that my ex-husband contacted me through Facebook.  Haven't spoken or seen him in 27 years.  He apologized to me for how awful he treated me.  It has been interesting.

 

 



Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: arneal on January 26, 2017, 06:00:50 PM
We live in a strange world, Needy (as an eHarmony add plays in background ... 'we found our best match in life' says one of the people on there) ...
Title: Re: On line dating vents and laughs......
Post by: momtokam on January 26, 2017, 10:12:33 PM
Klim,
"do the rest of you feel like online dating brings in a certain type of person?"

I'm not really sure. Yes, there are lots of creeps, married people, losers, those that have no intention of ever meeting, those you think couldn't find a date any way else.
But, then there are us. We are none of the above. Maybe there are less of us but we are there. Is it just harder to find those like us because there are less of us?

It's hard to meet people in real life. At least for me. Single men my age just don't appear in front of me daily. I've been trying to meet people off line. I went Salsa dancing a few weeks ago an