Young Widow Forum

Time Frame => Shock Wears Off, Reality Sets In ( 6 to 12 months) => Topic started by: James on February 01, 2018, 12:44:15 AM

Title: Just Writing
Post by: James on February 01, 2018, 12:44:15 AM
It's been awhile, but when I was at my lowest this forum was there to pull me through.  Thanks again to the creators and mods.  THIS IS A BIG DEAL.

One year anniversary is upon me.  On the positive side it can't be worse than Christmas.  It's just a date.  i was SLOWLY rebuilding, decided not to die, but haven't decided to live.  I'm trying to find my purpose now.  Then Christmas was arriving and I started sinking.  All of the traditions and happy times with her.  She had an overflowing heart filled with goodness.  Tears flowing.

So I sank down into the pit. It took weeks to crawl back out and stabilize.  And now the 1 year is upon me.  I know to just take each day as it comes.  What is "normal" when one half of you was ripped away and you lie in a pool of blood?  So you take each day and try to improve just a little.

I am grateful to have this forum.  You my brothers and sisters are the only ones who CAN understand the full meaning of the word:  LOSS
Title: Re: Just Writing
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on February 01, 2018, 03:18:11 AM
Yes James, at almost 5 yrs I remember feeling just as you described. 
Hugs to you.
Title: Re: Just Writing
Post by: Eddienhp on February 02, 2018, 06:52:53 AM
James,

I am just over 6 years out. How I remember those early days. Days so unbearable I couldn't wait to sleep. I nearly had enough energy to move.

I can say it is survivable. It will get better. There will always be a place where your love resides. It sounds strange but somehow we become able to live in the present with our loved ones in our minds and hearts at all times.

Sending you strength
Eileen
Title: Re: Just Writing
Post by: beth_krkswidow on February 09, 2018, 07:26:21 PM
Perfect perfect description...

Decided not to die, but haven't decided to live.

Perfect. And NObody outside the widowed understands that. For a year I actively wanted to be in the ground with him. I wanted to drive off a cliff.
Somewhere close to a year i came to where you are now. Decided not to die but hadn't decided to live
At 20 months, I  find joy in some parts of living.  So that is different.  It's progressing I suppose. Still haven't figured out a REASON to live. He was my reason to live.
So sorry you're in this hell with the rest of us
Title: Re: Just Writing
Post by: James on February 16, 2018, 11:42:22 PM
James,

I am just over 6 years out. How I remember those early days. Days so unbearable I couldn't wait to sleep. I nearly had enough energy to move.

I can say it is survivable. It will get better. There will always be a place where your love resides. It sounds strange but somehow we become able to live in the present with our loved ones in our minds and hearts at all times.

Sending you strength
Eileen
  Not strange.  Before Christmas I was starting to concentrate on the love in my heart for her.  Thanks for all who replied, I just need to write sometimes.
Title: Re: Just Writing
Post by: James on February 16, 2018, 11:47:49 PM
I had a weird dream last night.  I was walking down the stairs and there was a small pile of dust with a dustpan and broom next to it.  I was staring at it and thinking "why did someone leave that there?"  Then as I was waking up I said, because you're gone and you aren't coming back.  Unfinished.  Loss.