Young Widow Forum

Time Frame => Shock Wears Off, Reality Sets In ( 6 to 12 months) => Topic started by: JacklessSally on June 29, 2015, 10:18:03 AM

Title: 30th Birthday AKA It's my party and I can cry if I want to.
Post by: JacklessSally on June 29, 2015, 10:18:03 AM
Today is my 30th birthday. Ive cried off and on for the last week thinking about today. I do not want to face today. I do not want to be starting the next decade of my life without him. I got to celebrate his 40th birthday with him, why didn't he get to celebrate my 30th birthday with me. Of course I am happy we got to celebrate my 29th birthday together. It is a memory I will cling onto, but I cant help but feel like all of this shit is unfair.

All I want for my birthday is for him to come home..
Title: Re: 30th Birthday AKA It's my party and I can cry if I want to.
Post by: Jess on June 29, 2015, 11:23:27 AM
First, I hope you do not mind me wishing you a happy birthday even though you are so sad.

Second, the reason it feels like all of this shit is unfair is because it IS unfair and it is okay to acknowledge that it is and feel any feeling that acknowledgement makes you feel. My birthday was less than two months after LH passed and it was a really hard day for me. How was it fair I would continue to have birthdays without him to celebrate? I guess it isn't about fairness, but about navigating a harsh reality, and that sucks.

Do you have any plans today to celebrate or just having a low key day?
Title: Re: 30th Birthday AKA It's my party and I can cry if I want to.
Post by: Jen on June 29, 2015, 01:06:23 PM
((((((HUGS))))))) Happy Birthday, if that's possible. I think I know pretty much how you feel-- Jim died 3 days after his 40th birthday, and 6 months later I turned 40 without him. It sucked (my word for the day: suck, sucks, suckage). I'm so, so sorry for all of this. It's not fair-- it's so not. Jess is right, it's not about fairness but reality, but-- damn. It SUCKS.
Title: Re: 30th Birthday AKA It's my party and I can cry if I want to.
Post by: lcoxwell on June 29, 2015, 05:44:02 PM
I am sorry you are having to face such a significant first birthday without him. I know it hurts, and I wish there was something to take the pain away. As the others have said, it isn't fair, and it just plain sucks. If you can, try to find something good to focus on, the memory of your last birthday together or some other good memory to hang on to. (((Hugs)))
Title: Re: 30th Birthday AKA It's my party and I can cry if I want to.
Post by: linda5 on June 29, 2015, 05:51:14 PM
It certainly does suck!  I'm hoping that there were some redeeming qualities of today that helped make your birthday more tolerable.  Happy Birthday today.
Title: Re: 30th Birthday AKA It's my party and I can cry if I want to.
Post by: donswife on June 29, 2015, 06:22:01 PM
birthdays are really hard , i think mostly because they were the ones that knew us best
and knew what we really wanted on our birthdays
which was being with them
hope in a small way your day got better if possible
Title: Re: 30th Birthday AKA It's my party and I can cry if I want to.
Post by: JacklessSally on June 29, 2015, 08:24:21 PM

Do you have any plans today to celebrate or just having a low key day?
I celebrated with family (mine and Blaine's) on Friday with dinner.

Today I worked and slapped on a happy face until I was on the way home and started to cry.
They threw a party for me at work, my owners are kinda like adoptive parents, they wanted to make sure I felt special.
Title: Re: 30th Birthday AKA It's my party and I can cry if I want to.
Post by: Virgo on June 29, 2015, 10:29:39 PM
That's sweet that your co-workers threw a party for you. I hope just a little bit of the slapped on happy face was the real deal.  Happy Birthday!

Birthdays are tough, and yes it IS unfair! My 40th is in August and I'm dreading it because we planned on celebrating our 40th's together. We had big plans. He died just a week after his 39th birthday. I celebrated my 39th without him.
Title: Re: 30th Birthday AKA It's my party and I can cry if I want to.
Post by: Ursula on July 01, 2015, 04:08:37 PM
Hey Sally, all the best to you, belated ! I hope things get easier for you. Glad people thought of your Birthday and tried to make it special for you, nice.  Wishing you well . Hugs.