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Young Widow Forum => General Discussion => Topic started by: Alexswife on September 10, 2015, 03:10:05 AM

Title: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: Alexswife on September 10, 2015, 03:10:05 AM
It's 4:00 in the morning and my parents just left for the hospital. She fell almost two weeks ago and hit her head. She was just released from the hospital on Tuesday only to go back last night. They found that her brain in bleeding and there is nothing they can do for her.

I am torn. I have never had to be the 'strong' one. When Alex died I fell apart and my family just let me cry, scream, do whatever I needed to. Now I need to be there for my dad but I'm not sure that I know how to.

I am torn between going to work today to distract myself or going to tell her bye. I didn't get to tell Alex bye. I don't know what to do. I wish he were here to help me through everything.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: Trying on September 10, 2015, 03:19:27 AM
I am so sorry to hear about your grandma.  It's very hard to go through these difficult times without our love by our side to support us. 
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: rifatheroffour on September 10, 2015, 03:53:30 AM
I am so sorry, yes these challenges alone are awful. The only thought I have is what would you have done if Alex were here?  Go with your gut feelings say a prayer for her and you can survive this.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: Wheelerswife on September 10, 2015, 07:08:25 AM
Just hugs, Alexswife.  I'm so sorry about your grandmother.

Maureen
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: SoVerySad on September 10, 2015, 07:39:33 AM
I'm so sorry your Grandma is so sick, AW. I think the best way to be there for your dad is just to be yourself - kind, loving, caring, faithful. That's all he will need and you fully embody them all.

Sending you love and tight, tight hugs...
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: Jess on September 10, 2015, 08:17:14 AM
I'm so sorry your Grandma is so sick, AW. I think the best way to be there for your dad is just to be yourself - kind, loving, caring, faithful. That's all he will need and you fully embody them all.

Sending you love and tight, tight hugs...

I couldn't say it any better than this. I am so sorry to hear this is happening.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: IfIonlycould on September 10, 2015, 08:18:57 AM
I wish I could do more,  sending (((((HUGS)))) and support as you and your family go through this....
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: Alexswife on September 10, 2015, 07:03:29 PM
Thank you all for your support. It means so much.

She woke up today. Said she was starving but they will not let her eat. They want my dad to sign a DNR. It seems like a dream.

I decided to work today instead of going to the hospital. They have run test after test on her. They were talking about sending her hOme with hospice and then she woke up so now I don't know what the plan is.

Thanks again for your support. Please continue to pray for my family, especially my dad. My grandma was widowed in her early thirties and never remarried. I know she misses her Bennie. If she passes, I am sure she will finally be whole again.


Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: momtokam on September 10, 2015, 07:37:56 PM
I'm so, so, sorry you and your family are going through this.
You are all in my thoughts....
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: twistedmensa on September 10, 2015, 07:45:33 PM
I am sorry that you have to go through this. Sending hugs.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: widowat33 on September 10, 2015, 09:33:12 PM
Sending thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: lcoxwell on September 11, 2015, 12:58:38 AM
It seems too inadequate to say that I am sorry, but I truly am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I will be praying for you, and for your family. (((Hugs)))
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: donswife on September 11, 2015, 06:43:27 AM
just wanted to say I am sorry you and your family are going though this right now
wish I had more to say but know we are here
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: swilson on September 12, 2015, 04:26:30 PM
I'm sorry you and family are facing this, prayers for all of you.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: MrsDan on September 13, 2015, 05:56:34 AM
A, I just want you to know you and your family have been in my thoughts. I hope your faith and love for one another will continue to provide the support and comfort you need at this time.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: Alexswife on September 13, 2015, 06:43:52 AM
Thank you all for your continued support.

She had a good day on Friday. She was even able to eat some soft foods but yesterday she was unresponsive all day again. They sent her home with hospice care.

My faith is helping me handle all of this. I have heard her say on so many occasions "why won't He just go ahead and take me." I know in my heart that she is tired of fighting, she's ready to go home.

Thanks again for always being here for me. I will keep y'all posted on her condition.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: linda5 on September 13, 2015, 11:55:53 AM
Just want you to know that you've got my prayers too.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: Alexswife on September 14, 2015, 07:55:26 PM
Thank you.

I finally got up the nerve to go see her yesterday. It was much harder than I thought. She didn't really remember me.

When I got ready to leave I kissed her forehead and told her I loved her. She grabbed my hand, looked me in the eye and held on to me for the longest time. It felt like goodbye.

If she keeps holding on I will go see her again this week. My heart is aching for my dad. I know his heart is so broken. Thanks again for all of your support.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: Abitlost on September 14, 2015, 09:21:01 PM
I am so sorry, AW. It is so hard to say goodbye. I believe she knew it was you and by holding on and looking you in the eye she was letting you know how much she loves you.

Many hugs,

abl
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: Alexswife on September 15, 2015, 08:47:02 PM
She has stopped eating and drinking today. She was barely doing both of those things before so I know she has to be dehydrated.

The hospice social worker came by today to talk about funeral plans. My dad refuses to make any plans while she's still fighting.

He is so sad. Please, please pray.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: Wheelerswife on September 15, 2015, 09:05:34 PM
Alexswife,

I'm sorry you are having to watch this process with your dear grandmother.  I imagine that the hospice team has told you that your grandmother is not likely to suffer from being dehydrated.  I hope you encourage your dad to give her whatever medication is available to ease any pain and suffering.  Some people stay longer than others in this final stage of life.  I just hope for peace for her and as much peace as possible for you and your dad.

Hugs,

Maureen
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: Trying on September 15, 2015, 09:11:13 PM
It is so hard to let go even when we know our loved one is ready.  I wish your Grandma peace as she transitions and for you and your family during this time.  Hugs and prayers.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: Alexswife on September 16, 2015, 09:58:55 PM
I hope y'all don't get sick of me posting updates. I just have to let my thoughts out somehow and this feels like the only safe place.

We went to visit my grandma tonight. It was me, my parents, my brother and his family. We took our Church song books with us and sang around her bedside. It was really quite beautiful to watch the peace come over her as we sang about the Lord.  She tried her best to sing along.

I did ok while we were singing but there were moments when she would just freeze and I would think, "Is this it? Is she dead?"
I've never been there when someone died before and I really am terrified that I will be there when she passes. She is not doing good at all.

She would holler out for her brother who has been dead for years. She kept hollering for my dad. It's so sad. My heart is so broken but she is tired. If God takes her home, I won't be mad at Him. She is tired and she is ready. I don't want her to go but I don't want her to suffer either.

Please keep praying.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: nonesuch on September 16, 2015, 10:15:53 PM
Praying for you and holding your family in my heart.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: Trying on September 17, 2015, 09:05:13 PM
I had the privilege of holding both my Dad and my DH as they passed over.  It was a very sacred time and I felt that I helped ease their passage and reassured them both that it was ok to let go and put an end to their pain.  I felt very at peace in those moments and only after did my heart break and the pain hit me.  You obviously have a very strong faith and so does your grandma, so if you happen to be there then remember it is a final gift you can give to her.

I'm keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: Alexswife on September 20, 2015, 06:35:08 AM
I've been trying to post an update but my laptop has been acting crazy so I couldn't.

The night after we did all of the singing and praying we went to see my grandma and she seemed to be improving. She was carrying on small conversations and seemed to comprehend everything she was talking about. Although she was screaming out in pain because of her head and her hip where she had surgery.

Then we went Friday night and she seemed even better. She talked the whole time we were there.  We didn't make it to see her yesterday but the lady she is staying with said she ate a whole turkey sandwich for lunch yesterday. Which is impressive because all she has been eating is mashed up food because she can't swallow well.

The doctors told my parents that if her brain stopped bleeding she could survive this. I am cautiously optimistic that maybe it has stopped and that is why she is improving. I know that God is able to heal and to bring her off of this death bed but I don't want to get my hopes up only to have her get worse again.

It has been such a long emotional week. Thanks again for all of your support.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: mmg19 on September 20, 2015, 07:03:07 AM
You are in my prayers this morning.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: SoVerySad on September 20, 2015, 07:05:58 AM
Thank you for the update, AW. I've been thinking about you and your family. I'll keep holding your Grandma and you/your family in my thoughts and sending my hopes that she may continue to recover. I also hope they can get her pain managed so she is more comfortable. Tight, tight hugs...
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: Wheelerswife on September 20, 2015, 07:55:12 AM
Hugs, Alexswife.

Maybe you will get more good time with her.  I hope so!

Maureen
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: gracelet on September 21, 2015, 06:40:00 AM
Sweetie, sending you a hug.  I'm going through the same thing right now.  Being strong for my mum and her siblings whilst struggling with all the emotions myself.  It's very hard.  Wishing you all the best.  We've got this shit.  Promise.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: biscuit on September 21, 2015, 02:31:00 PM
I am so sorry you are having to go through this,and especially without your love, I can only imagine. Prayers and thoughts your way. No one should have to go through so much...especially so young, wishing you strength
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: Alexswife on December 02, 2015, 07:01:40 AM
After a long, painful battle my sweet grandma passed away last night. We knew the end was near and I had told everyone that I didn't want to be there when it happened. I was there, it was the most peaceful thing I have ever witnessed. If anyone was ever ready to go home, she was. Our hearts are so broken though, especially my dads.

Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: MrsDan on December 02, 2015, 07:23:41 AM
I'm sorry, I know how difficult this must be for you.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: Wheelerswife on December 02, 2015, 08:11:06 AM
Hugs to you, Alexswife, and your dad and other family as well.  I'm glad you had some more time with your grandmother before she passed away.  I know she was and always will be very precious to you.  The next few days will probably be a whirlwind, and I hope you get through them without too much overwhelm.

Maureen
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: Trying on December 02, 2015, 08:55:57 AM
Thinking of you and your family.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: swilson on December 02, 2015, 09:09:05 AM
Wishing you comfort and peace ><>
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: Abitlost on December 02, 2015, 09:45:32 AM
I am so sorry, AW. My heart aches for you and your family.

abl
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: SoVerySad on December 02, 2015, 12:40:38 PM
Sending you tight, tight hugs, AW, as well as love to you and your family.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: Guaruj on December 02, 2015, 04:42:33 PM
Alexswife -

I'm sorry that you lost your grandmother. I am glad that it gave you solace to be there when she passed.

|+|  M a r k  |+|
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: Bunny on December 02, 2015, 06:21:12 PM
I'm so sorry, Amy. I am glad you were there with her and that it was a peaceful experience. Your family is in my thoughts.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: canadiangirl on December 03, 2015, 12:42:35 AM
Alexswife, my condolences as well for your loss.  I am glad for your sakes it was peaceful.  Take care. 
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: Alexswife on December 06, 2015, 05:16:00 AM
Today is the day we bury my sweet grandma. God has allowed me to be strong in front of my dad so I can take care of him but a soon as I hit the bed I fall apart. Mostly because she's gone and I just long to talk to her but also because of the memories this while thing is bringing back from Alex's funeral.

Last night we left the funeral home for the last time. I remember how I felt when it was the day for Alex, when I knew the next day would be the lat day I would ever see his earthly body. It's the most heartbreaking, lonely feeling. Last night my dad was feeling the same way about his mom. My heart is so broken for him.

Please pray and remember us as we move through this difficult day and in the days to come. I know tomorrow will be the saddest day yet. The people will be gone and reality will set in.
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: linda5 on December 06, 2015, 01:44:28 PM
Praying for you and your family in the days to come, Alexswife. 
Title: Re: My Grandma is Dying
Post by: MauiMermaid on December 08, 2015, 04:25:53 PM
(((Hugs, Alexswife))). Thinking of you at this difficult time and wishing strength and peace to you and your family. xoxo