Young Widow Forum

Time Frame => Newly Widowed (1 day to 6 months) => Topic started by: deedee on March 12, 2015, 06:50:45 AM

Title: 13 Days Ago
Post by: deedee on March 12, 2015, 06:50:45 AM
My husband was killed in an accident at work 13 days ago today.  I have a three year old son and am 8 months pregnant with our second child, a girl. I got the call in the grocery store of all places, just an hour after I had left his office after having lunch with him.  I ditched my cart, jumped in the car and just drove to him.  The police wouldn?t let me see him.  He was covered in a tarp.  His funeral was a week ago today.

Until now, I couldn?t have imagined that a human being could reach the level of despair and sadness I?m feeling almost every second of every day. And I?m afraid it?s only going to get worse. We were so happy - and I mean really happy.  We were together 20 years, and married for 5.  We had such a happy life ahead of us it seems.  Now that's all been taken away.

I?ve been completely surrounded by friends and family almost all day and night, every day since.  I think they?re afraid to leave me alone.  But eventually that?s what I?ll be and it?s so hard to accept.  My only reprieve is sleep?apparently my subconscious has yet to catch up with reality, because my dreams are normal. 

I guess that?s all for now.  I?m glad I found this board because it seems you all might be the only ones that can possibly understand what I?m going through ? and what I?m about to go through.
Title: Re: 13 Days Ago
Post by: Jen on March 12, 2015, 07:14:28 AM
Oh, Deedee... I am so, so sorry. There are no words. You're in the right place-- cry, scream, rant if you need to. We're here and we get it. ((((((((HUGS))))))))
Title: Re: 13 Days Ago
Post by: Carey on March 12, 2015, 07:28:08 AM
My heart goes out to you DeeDee. You have definitely found the right place. Reaching out is a good first step.  I am so very sorry you have reason to be here, but glad you will be here surrounded by so many who DO get it.  {{{{HUGS}}}}
Title: Re: 13 Days Ago
Post by: Chrispy89 on March 12, 2015, 08:07:06 AM
Sorry deedee :( my partner also died in a workplace accident and the police did not allow me to see him. You can get through this. Use that loving support as long as you need it.
Title: Re: 13 Days Ago
Post by: Jess on March 12, 2015, 08:59:45 AM
My husband died suddenly, but from a seizure (he had never had one before and I had no idea he had any health issues). That night, my dad essentially moved in with me for a few weeks and friends started dividing up shifts to be there for me. The support was what I needed. I remember being so very afraid what would happen when it went away. My first day and night to myself was about 3 weeks in. I survived it. I remember getting out some of my screaming that I had been holding back, but in the morning, it was still a new day and the next day, yet another one came and I dealt with it as it came. I am wishing you much peace and comfort.
Title: Re: 13 Days Ago
Post by: Mac on March 12, 2015, 09:05:46 AM

So sorry for your loss. Glad that you found this caring and supportive online community. Sending good thoughts your way.

Title: Re: 13 Days Ago
Post by: swilson on March 12, 2015, 09:14:58 AM
{Hug} Sorry deedee you tragically lost your husband, welcome to a place that has been tremendous help for me. I'm glad you have support of friends and family.
Title: Re: 13 Days Ago
Post by: Justin on March 12, 2015, 09:18:52 AM

I am so sorry, but glad you have found us. This community has been nothing but phenomenally supportive to me. Please post as often as you would like, and don't be hesitant to reach out when you need help - we'll be here.
Title: Re: 13 Days Ago
Post by: Chopperette on March 12, 2015, 09:45:01 AM
Hi Deedee.

I'm sorry for your loss. In our grief we forget to take care of ourselves. Be conscious that is not only you in that body. Please remember to drink plenty of liquids and eat even if you don't have appetite.
Title: Re: 13 Days Ago
Post by: lcoxwell on March 12, 2015, 10:20:23 AM
Welcome, Deedee. There truly are no words, but I want you to know that this community of people is made up of some of the best people you will ever find anywhere. Please, come here as often as you need to, post when you need, read when you need, and take comfort and support from knowing that there will always be someone here to listen. Eat when you can, sleep when you can, and be gentle with yourself. If all else fails, just breathe.  ((((Hugs))))
Title: Re: 13 Days Ago
Post by: LostMyCharles on March 12, 2015, 10:45:42 AM
Deedee, thanks for joining the board and allowing us to support you through this horrible time, as you will also support us in the future. I am grateful that you have such a wonderful support system there for you in person. Do not be afraid to utilize every bit of their assistance. Don't cook, don't clean, don't run errands. Just hug your son and focus on eating and continuing to grow the beautiful human inside you.  You can return to the every day duties of life in good time.


Title: Re: 13 Days Ago
Post by: singinmomo4 on March 12, 2015, 05:53:31 PM

I am glad you found your way here.  My heart breaks for you but you are in a good place.  There is a lot of love and understanding here.  My husband died over 5 years ago and I can't imagine where I'd be if I hadn't connected with this wonderful group of people.  I'm glad you have people supporting you.  (((((MORE HUGS))))))
Title: Re: 13 Days Ago
Post by: MissingSquish on March 12, 2015, 06:16:15 PM
Huge hugs, deedee. Sending peace and love your way for the beginning of your journey. We are all here for you.
Title: Re: 13 Days Ago
Post by: kmouse on March 12, 2015, 08:18:44 PM
Deedee, I am so very sorry that you've reason had to join us. Almost six years ago I made my first post on my own day 13; I wish I could reach through my laptop screen to give you a huge hug on your day 13. This community was a crucial lifeline and with their help I was able to find my way one day at a time. You will find some great advice and ideas for making it through the days...start today by just working to breathe through the next minute. And then 5 minutes. And then 10... 

I'm glad you found us. We'll be here for you.

Title: Re: 13 Days Ago
Post by: deedee on March 14, 2015, 07:46:38 AM
Thank you all so much for your replies.  I've been reading through different postings on this board everyday and it's definitely comforting to see from others experience that this constant pain and sadness I'm feeling might one day let up at least a little.  For now, I'm taking it a minute at a time.
Title: Re: 13 Days Ago
Post by: tmppgh2015 on March 14, 2015, 04:19:36 PM
I'm so sorry you have had to join this group.  Hugs to you.
Title: Re: 13 Days Ago
Post by: BentNOTbroken on March 16, 2015, 08:43:12 AM
I am so sorry for your loss. I know what it is like to be widowed with a baby. God bless you and give you strength. I know you can do it!
Title: Re: 13 Days Ago
Post by: pammierae7363 on March 30, 2015, 09:14:47 PM
Deedee my heart breaks for you. I lost my beloved Bowman in a car crash a little more the. 14 months ago. I, too, had family move in and take care of me for the first week. At first I thought it was a pity part but I realized it was love for me and him that moved them to do it. But you are right. Eventually we have to learn to stand on our own two wobbly feet. That's where it's board comes in. I'd be lost without these kind souls. I'm sorry you had to join our club.
Title: Re: 13 Days Ago
Post by: DrMommy on April 02, 2015, 10:11:37 PM
I am so so sorry for your loss. Eat, what you can to nurture yourself and your kids. Use your supports and resources. We are all here of you....we get it.
Title: Re: 13 Days Ago
Post by: Ursula on April 14, 2015, 12:17:49 AM
Deedee, hang in there. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and father to your children. It is so hard. I hope all goes well with the pregnancy and birth. Hang in there. Come here when you need to. I find this is the place where I feel I am actually understood and it has helped my many many times and keeps doing. Hugs to you.