Young Widow Forum

Specific Situations => Young Widowed Parents => Topic started by: Abitlost on June 22, 2016, 04:29:40 PM

Title: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: Abitlost on June 22, 2016, 04:29:40 PM
Let me preface this by saying my kids are generally great. They are brilliant, top of their class, driven, never in trouble at school, not into partying or anything like that, trustworthy to be left alone, etc. I know I am fortunate in all those regards. Everyone thinks they are so wonderful, well-spoken, helpful and responsible.

But this teen thing is by far the least fun part of parenting. They have copped attitudes, find me irrational, irrelevant, and basically go out of their way to refuse to do what I ask of them. Add to that I am constantly being invalidated by the internet and the two of them team up against me. Everything I ask of them is met with a gruff moan. I'm over it.

We're not talking horrible things here, but here is an example: DS1 belched rather loudly after dinner. I told him to say "excuse me". He refused. He stated that burping is a natural bodily function and he refuses to be embarrassed by it or apologize for it. I explain that in our society when someone burps they excuse themselves. This escalated after several iterations. A few nights later, DS2 farted at the table and refused to excuse himself, coping the attitude DS1 exhibited previously.

Another example: I have issues with the microwave and don't use it for much other than popcorn and sanitizing sponges. Recently they decided to cook a meal in the microwave (not reheating it, rather cooking in the microwave). I tell them to do it on the stove. They come up with links and YouTube videos about how there is nothing wrong with microwaves. Same thing with cell phones, they present me links about the safety of cell phones (don't go there guys, my husband died of brain cancer...don't go there...), vitamins, why you shouldn't shower more than once a week, why you shouldn't use shampoo, why you shouldn't use sunscreen...the list goes on and on. It's something every day. OMG I am exhausted.

Then there are house rules, like eating in the kitchen, keeping rooms reasonable, dishes in the dishwasher, fold and put away their laundry, etc. I don't have a ton of rules and don't ask a whole lot of them, but they seem to go out of their way in their refusal to comply.

The worst thing about it all is their disrespect of me. I can't take it. I feel like I have failed completely in raising them to succeed socially. We used to be so close, and now I'm seen as their adversary. I don't know how to parent them anymore.
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: daysofelijah on June 22, 2016, 05:27:12 PM
I don't have advice, but I am feeling the same things. The arguing and disrespect are so frustrating and hurtful from my oldest ds and now my second ds is starting to join in when he was always my "good" kid.

I have in the last year started to be more assertive and firm about punishments and rewards and it's helped some, but not a whole lot. And in some ways it's worse because they balk at me trying to be more firm about rules when in the past I've been pretty lenient, mostly because I was just in survival mode for a couple years there.

I'm definitely not enjoying the teen years beginning, and it's embarrassing to say but part of me looks forward to them growing up and moving out. Nobody shoot me I know parents aren't supposed to feel that way, but...
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: fairlanegirl on June 23, 2016, 04:52:41 AM
No advice I'm afraid, my two are only 11 and 7, and enough attitude already... But a fellow solo mum friend gave me a fridge magnet with one of those Norman Rockwell-style pictures and the text "Be a bad parent, they'll move out sooner!" which gives me a laugh sometimes when I need it. Another friend whose oldest is now in jail i'm afraid and who has been hard work his whole life confided, "I couldn't wait for him to grow up."  So rest assured, having those thoughts is far from unusual.
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: Trying on June 23, 2016, 05:11:51 AM
No advice, just solidarity.  The constant debating and their need to be right gets exhausting.  Just like the terrible twos (which really weren't so terrible looking back) this too shall pass. My youngest is 12 and I would like to freeze him in time before he takes a turn for the dark side of teenager hood. 

Vent away, I am all too familiar with feeling like a failure some days. 
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: Mrskro on June 23, 2016, 07:26:18 AM
I don't have any advice either, but if you figure it out please let me know.   I have two, 16 yr old girl and 13 yr old boy. 

I'm counting the days until they can go off to university. 

I absolutely hate that everyone else can't get over what "great, kind, polite" kids I have.   I've wondered if there's magic on my door that takes all those qualities away from them at home. 

Youtube is not my friend and both of mine should really be the heads of their school's debate teams. 

Is it wrong that I'm glad you posted and I'm not the only one who feels this way?
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on June 23, 2016, 11:49:24 AM
DH and I used to joke that God made little kids adorable and cute.  He made teens the way they are so you can't wait til they move out.  Hahaha
Seriously, I'm sorry you are having such difficulties with the teens.  Especially having to deal with them alone without your spouses with you. 
Hugs
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: Abitlost on June 23, 2016, 04:04:57 PM
I don't know if it makes me feel better or worse that everyone is in the same boat and no one has any advice....
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: trying2breathe on June 23, 2016, 04:36:04 PM
I relate to much of your post - my teens, 17 and 19, are good kids and for the most part have given me relatively little trouble.    Household responsibilities like doing chores are many times ignored, and if I protest they give me 100 reasons why what I ask of them is unreasonable.   I feel like there are times when all that I do is nag, and I can't stand that about myself.  The burp/fart debate is familiar, no apologies here either when that happens.   

The standards for my house and kids have changed - for example my 19 y/o DS rarely gets a haircut and has now decided that washing his hair isn't "healthy"  :o  and he now sports a greasy mass of hair that to me is beyond embarrassing.   Whatever I say about it is ignored, debated and argued about and the end result is that he still has greasy dirty hair.  I would love to put him over my shoulder and drag him into the shower, but he's 19 y/o ...... and well, not only would that be really difficult but just weird.   

So no advice here either - just solidarity in knowing that others with teens are dealing with the same kind of behavior! 
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: Trying on June 23, 2016, 07:03:07 PM
What is it with the long greasy hair thing? My 17 and 19 year old both have longer hair and went from short cropped hair and showering twice a day to not always washing the hair daily! I keep telling myself it's not full body tattoos and piercings, hair is temporary.
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: klim on June 24, 2016, 06:48:47 AM
My sons (18 and 20) are not obedient.....but we negotiate....i pick my battles.

For example I would like them to keep their rooms neat...was a constant battle. Wasn't worth it. The compromise,they have to do their laundry and keep their mess out of the shared rooms.
 
The good thing is that although there rooms are messy , I still have a good report with them.

As far as hair goes my son rocks long hair!  I'm jealous of his thick mane ;D
Not greasy though ...yuk!
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: Portside on June 24, 2016, 08:45:45 AM

. . . . for example my 19 y/o DS rarely gets a haircut and has now decided that washing his hair isn't "healthy"  :o  and he now sports a greasy mass of hair that to me is beyond embarrassing.
   

Don't worry - all that is needed to reintroduce him to shampoo is for one eyelash batting young woman to say how nasty his hair is.

Boys are funny that way.

Mike 
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: Tatianakm on June 24, 2016, 11:06:21 PM

. . . . for example my 19 y/o DS rarely gets a haircut and has now decided that washing his hair isn't "healthy"  :o  and he now sports a greasy mass of hair that to me is beyond embarrassing.
   

Don't worry - all that is needed to reintroduce him to shampoo is for one eyelash batting young woman to say how nasty his hair is.

I was just going to say that! Funny! All this messy hair image will change in a heartbeat when there is that cute girl they would want to impress appears on their radar. Boys are funny!

Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: trying2breathe on June 25, 2016, 07:18:09 PM
.
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: trying2breathe on June 25, 2016, 07:19:13 PM
"Don't worry - all that is needed to reintroduce him to shampoo is for one eyelash batting young woman to say how nasty his hair is." 
 
Portside ^^
 
And I'm hoping that this eyelash batting young lady comes along really really soon!!

Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: RobFTC on June 26, 2016, 09:14:54 AM
Abitlost, sorry for your trials, I have teens :-)  I have had some level of success with taming some bad behaviours.  I try to pick my battles carefully, try to pay the most attention to my own behaviour and reactions, and try to make sure they own the results of their choices.  There's a Love and Logic thread I need to go update where I was trying to get folks together to brainstorm some of this stuff.

Attitude is sometimes a good way for kids to get a reaction, so I try to not react negatively to it - though that doesn't mean a snotty approach gets them anywhere.  I have sometimes said, "Do you want to try that again with a better tone of voice so that I will listen?"  I have also refused to do some of my normal things and imposed consequences for bad choices.  The calmer I can be, the more effective that can be.  Doesn't always work, but even my can-I-just-move-out-now daughter regularly says "Dad, would you be willing to..."

On the bodily functions thing, you could set them up to eat in the kitchen or remove yourself there, if either seems like it would make a point.  Making clear that you want polite behaviour without lectures or emotional reactions is hard, but think of it as not giving them more jet fuel.  Letting mealtime come and go without action, and saying "Oh, I was worried someone would fart or belch, and was trying to figure out what to do about it - we'll eat together soon" might be worth considering.

That last is an example of how you might demonstrate that you value yourself and will only keep the Mom gravy train rolling smoothly when they also value you.  Do these things seem true: they treat others with respect and are good kids outside the home, and save their worst behaviour for home?  If so, they are utterly normal!  They probably will respect others out in the world, but they do still need to be coached into how they treat people closest to them and in the place they feel most secure.  You can encourage this by withdrawing anything they normally get from you if you feel they are not treating you well, and that may be the best thing you can do for them!  If they do get by treating you badly, they could do that with their future partners, too.

This stuff is NOT for the faint of heart, that's for sure.  I think a lot of teen behaviour is about finding and testing the boundaries, and if the boundaries are set as clearly and calmly as possible, it helps them out.  It's sometimes hard to find the right approach, but man, when this stuff works it can take your breath away!

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: Quiet Storm on June 27, 2016, 04:14:08 PM
Oooh do I relate. Last night, my 16 year old called me lazy when I asked him to put the dog outside. What?! I told him, "Don't ever say that to me again." When he countered that I call him lazy all of the time (which is NOT true), I ignored it and let it go. Like others have said, I pick my battles. One thing, however, is that I give them recognition for being good students and for not drinking and doing drugs. That last part seems absurd, but it is what it is. Most of their peers, at minimum, smoke marijuana. "Mom, it's not like when you were a teen. Even good kids smoke." But thank the stars mine do not yet indulge. And they appreciate that I recognize verbally that they make good choices.

My house is a mess, my kids laugh at me like they are my older sibling, and I'm not sure I am the best parent I can be to these boys, but we're getting by. Best of luck to you and to all of us with teens.

(My oldest has super greasy hair, too. I bought him dry shampoo, and he uses it.)
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: Virgo on July 14, 2016, 03:51:53 PM
Thankfully my teens have no interest in smoking or drugs. They've witnessed the long term effects with family members. 

Just a different perspective here. The way your teens are researching a comeback argument (although annoying I'm sure) is impressive.  It sounds to me like you're doing a great job preparing them. They sound like strong willed, independent thinkers.

If you feel they are disrespectful, then I would discuss that with them. That would bother me the most, unacceptable.

My approach is doing things around the house to help each other out. It's our house, not just my house. Pick up after yourself and the house will stay organized.
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: Sugarbell on July 15, 2016, 11:04:28 PM
Omg my 13 year old is going to age me immensely over the next 5 years.
He's always been "Bossy boy"...but "Bossy Boy" lost weight..is 6'1..looks 16..and has quite the entitled self centered attitude. My 9 and 11 year old are still sweet...but he is driving all 3 of us crazy!!

I spend 75 percent of my energy dealing with him. It's not bad stuff..he has good qualities (lawn business, brilliant, gets along with everyone except his siblings and his Mom. Rolls his eyes, thinks I know nothing...very into being with his peers (which are good kids but it's getting exhausting).

I have yet to let him have friends over (still getting settled and I know his friends parents well and frankly I don't want to start being the hang out like I did in Stepford for a while).

He's an Ass. To us. I know his hormones are ranging and going to the gym does help. But bossy boy has turned into "Know it all Asshole". Makes a 4.0 in honor society...is nice to EVERYONE else except us..well we get the attitude.

Then I lose my shit....hardball him, take away his phone...and he tucks his tail and is kind again...
A few days...I ease up...gets privileges back...attitude and asshole again.
Continuous cycle. But the kid does use lawn money and buys his own shoes for golf..tee times..he has caviar taste and we are on a hamburger budget so I appreciate his responsibility.

He's always been a 40 year old man trapped in a kids body. But now he's a teenager with outta control hormones and has physically changed his appearance (5 inches taller since Jan, size 13 shoe, hairy, contacts, looks like a clean cut jock instead of a nerdy little boy)

And I don't think he knows how to handle it. Nor do I. Girls like him (he never had that before).

Oh lord..it's a nightmare.
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: Nuggets on July 24, 2016, 01:14:37 AM
I used to pay mine to shower --- it was part of that 'picking your battles' philosophy. 

The eye lash batting works -- I only had to shell out a couple of twoonies, and nature took it's course.  My daughter went from being paid to draining a 30 gallon hot water heater in about 4 months....
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: mmg19 on July 25, 2016, 10:04:44 AM
Thankful that we are still intact this summer.  13 and 15 year olds must feel it is a right of passage to check frequently on the meaning of the word "NO".    Actually I enjoy the more mature conversations but realize and accept the moods can change on a dime. 

Zero tolerance for disrespect, foul language, and drugs and alcohol.  My learning curve being a parent of teenagers has its peaks and valleys but so far more peaks than valleys.   As someone on this thread said it's not for the faint of heart. 
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: RobFTC on July 25, 2016, 04:16:01 PM
13 and 15 year olds must feel it is a right of passage to check frequently on the meaning of the word "NO".

Oh my gosh, yes.  I have one that has to touch the line and feel how thick it is with her toe on a regular basis, as well as step across it every so often to test whether the limit is really going to be enforced.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: SimiRed on August 03, 2016, 12:56:43 PM
I can relate to everything written here!  Absolutely!  I have a 15 year old son that has to negotiate everything.  I think I have learned to dislike Google, gives him more negotiating power.  He has an answer to everything and anything. 

My 6'4" son is a great person!  He has manners, treats others with respect and dignity, says "Yes Madam and Yes Sir", but when he is home, I have no clue where that kid is...since I don't get that proper, respectful, can I help you with anything attitude. 

I pick my battles, which is difficult at times.  I do have limits on Wi-fi, his phone, computer and xbox all shut down at 11pm during the week.  He does not like that at all, but it's Mom's rule and I'm sticking to it!

Some days I stand there and talk to my late DH about how in the world can I do this, he so like you and you would understand him better!  I do the best I can, some days better than others, some days not so good. 

School starts on Friday, though I'm not looking forward to the homework battles, I am looking forward to some quiet time!
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: JustLola on October 09, 2016, 02:21:08 AM
I have two teens, a girl and a boy. My daughter - who will be 20 next week - has had about a week total of typical teenage behavior so I guess I'm lucky there. My son, though? He's 16 and I can sometimes feel the gray hair growing when I talk to him. When he was 12 my daughter told him "You're more teenaged than I'll ever be."

I don't think it's a coincidence that a lot of the comments here are from mothers about their sons. That's a very special relationship, and as cuddly and close to us as they were when they were small, that's how much distance they want when they're teens. I found this article a few years ago and I refer to it regularly because I find a lot of truth in it: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201011/the-challenge-mothering-adolescent-son

But what to do about it? I find the more space I give my son the better. The less I talk, the more he does. My kid doesn't learn by having things explained to him. I can ask, talk, yell and plead until I'm blue in the face and it makes no difference. He has to feel the consequences of his choices so I make sure there ARE real consequences to his breaking the rules (especially if he's disrespectful), and I deliver them as emotionless as possible. Man, it's hard! He really tries to push my buttons and I fail, a lot. But slowly, slowly I'm seeing the benefit of it.

His room is messier than I like, there are lots of dishes in the sink and I'm only marginally convinced his homework is getting done but our relationship is improving. We fight a lot less than we used to and I know more about his inner life. The other night, just when I was worrying that he was avoiding me, he plopped down on my bed and spent the next 40 minutes telling me about his favorite things. I was so happy I could have cried. Hang in there. It will get better.
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: mmg19 on October 09, 2016, 03:51:05 PM
Thanks for the link JustLola.  Lots of incite and much to think about.  Two teenage boys here.  13 and 15 and so different in the approach of adolescence.  I have much to learn and really try not to be hasty in reacting to the frustrations.  Consistency in my words and behavior seem to have worked best. 

Respect is utmost in my approach.  The 13 yr. old questions me and my decisions more than the 15 yr. old and I have what I would like to think is a good relationship and rapport with both of them.  Picking my battles carefully keeps me from losing my cool with their messy rooms and choice of haircuts.  I figure neither will cause permanent damage.   Listening to their issues and  saying I need to think about them before reacting has worked pretty well for me.  For example, checking out friends and their parents before agreeing to allowing them to visit or engage in certain activities with friend's family.

Right now we are reaching a compromise with the use of phones.  I can't control what other parents allow but I have a responsibility to control what I will allow.  They are having problems with my new found "tech knowledge" in being able to set controls and monitoring.   I believe when you are the sole parent you leave no stone unturned in protecting the safety of your children.  There is a fine line between giving too much or too little space in these teen years.  When in doubt, I take the side of hovering Mom.  Tell myself this will be the way for 5 more years. 

Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: Abitlost on July 10, 2017, 06:46:04 PM
It has been a year since I initially wrote this post. I am happy to report that things with DS1 have normalized; he now values and respects me, we operate as part of the same team, and we have returned to our previous state of closeness.

DS2 is a whole different story.

My youngest was 5 when DH died and is now 14. Since DH died, DS2 has treated me like his enemy. Despite years of grief counseling and therapy, we are in bad shape. Tension between us is at an all-time high. He goes out of his was to annoy me. He deceives me. He lies. He disrespects me, my house, my things, and my rules. He’s like a bull in a china shop and has destroyed so many of my things (denying most of them). He refuses to do what is asked of him — I’m talking minimal house rules. He got himself a job which he enjoys and I have told him he can only work if he does his responsibilities around the house. Still, he fights me. It is ugly more than not.

And then, out of nowhere, he will do something extraordinarily sweet for me. Although it has been a while, I know it's in there and pops out from time to time.

Last week I required him to go to a therapist for the first time in years (he has been refusing to go). This was our first meeting and mostly a meet-and-greet session to see what we want to work on. DS2’s response was nothing, he thinks our relationship is just fine and there is nothing to work on. Toward the end of the session, I was describing a recent behavioral example to which DS2 responded in his typical extraordinarily disrespectful manner. The therapist was completely appalled. For some reason, DS2 thinks it is okay to treat me this way. It is not. The therapist confirmed for me what I already knew - that his behavior is way beyond that of a typical adolescent. Then DS2 said he wouldn’t attend again. I am at a loss.

My son is an ass. I feel a total failure of a parent. If he treats others as he does me, he will be unsuccessful in personal as well as professional relationships. At this point I have given up hope of us ever being close. I now just wonder how we will make it four more years.

abl
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: Trying on July 11, 2017, 08:35:10 AM
I am so sorry to hear you are going through this and can relate to the pain you feel as a mother.  I am wondering about some more  extreme form of intervention like one of those outward bound groups for troubled youth.  It sounds like he really needs a big wake up call.

Make sure you are getting the support you need, my therapist helped a lot with the guilt I feel about my older boys and the struggles they have had.  I still sometimes deal with the guilt and have my moments of thinking I'm the worst mom in the world but now I know that the guilt stopped me from being as strict as I should've been.
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on July 11, 2017, 09:32:57 AM
Wow Abitlost I was at a total loss after reading your post then I read Trying's post and thought excellent idea!!
I am so sorry you are going through this.  I hope you find a way to turn DS around and get some peace and harmony happening.
Hugs.
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: Abitlost on July 11, 2017, 09:07:56 PM
Thanks, Trying and BH2. I have looked at "troubled teen" programs and I think they would actually be a horrible idea. DS2 doesn't cut school, get in fights, do drugs, smoke, drink, steal, run away, hurt himself or others, or any of the other behaviors typical of that group. There was a social media situation his friends got themselves into recently and DS2 had the sense to remove himself and not participate (proud mom moment). His negative behaviors are just things like talking back to me, debating my every word, refusing to do chores, destroying my house, doing things he knows will annoy me for the sake of annoying me, etc.
And then, out of nowhere, he will surprise me by making dinner for me, make me hand-carved animals out of fruit with lovely little messages, make heart-shaped pancakes for me, make me ice cream sundaes, etc. I think being grouped with troubled youth would make him angrier while giving him a plethora of ideas of more troubling ways to act out than he is doing now.

Today was a good day. I got multiple compliments on dinner and he even cleaned up afterward. I received a "thank you" for ordering some new shorts for him. And shocker of all shockers: he held a door for me and didn't walk 50 feet ahead. If he acted like that more often, it would be easier to tolerate the odor stemming from the uneaten, moldy sandwich under his bed...

abl

Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on July 11, 2017, 10:57:59 PM
I hear you Abitlost, I agree it wouldn't be such a great idea.  You seem to be recieving the rath of his anger (pain) and every now and then shows you that he appreciates and loves you.  Interesting.  Could it be that he knows you are safe for him to express this to you?  I don't know what to say.  I hope you find the key to all of his rath.
Hugs.
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: imissdow on July 12, 2017, 04:15:45 PM
Your teen seems somewhat like mine. She's a good kid, got decent grades, volenteers, works, very involved. However at home she's lazy, difficult and does as little as she can. She is rude to me and her sisters. He older sister was much the same at that age, but is now pretty decent 2 years later. Was told by a friend that her dd is behaving quite the same as my middle dd. She leaves for college in y weeks, in some ways I can't wait.
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: Abitlost on July 19, 2017, 06:29:54 PM
Today I was venting about my son's disrespect toward me to a divorced friend who has 50/50 custody and a live-in aunt that helps with her two teens. My friend told me that my son can find somewhere else to live if he doesn't want to follow my house rules. I remind her that I am an only-living parent with zero family to lean on to which she replies, "he is using that against you and you let him". I do not *let* my son get away with his sh!t; I call him on it every single time. She thinks I should kick him out of the house at the age of 14 because he refuses to clean up after himself and talks back to me?? I just love the implication that I'm to blame. Love it.
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: MR on July 21, 2017, 01:04:22 PM
I am speechless after going thru all the posts. Now I think I am lucky that my kids are not behaving same way. My elder is 19+ and lives at university. Last year after my wife death once he misbehaved that how he is going to lose a lecture because some rituals we had to do. I kept calm but gave him some peace of my mind while driving him back. Now he is good since then. The issue I have are not that big compared to what I read. My little one is 15 and her room is all unorganized the same way as earlier but her mom would clean. Now she doesn't want me to clean so she cleans whenever cleaning lady is scheduled which is normally every 2-3 weeks. Both kids are awake till late chatting with friends or studying. Hang in everyone what I have read is kids go away from parents for few years and then they are back with all and improved manners.

Hugs
Manoj
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: Abitlost on October 12, 2017, 01:17:34 PM
Just updating this thread with a positive shift. When high school started, with it came a new attitude. He now thanks me, does (much) of what he is asked to do, stopped talking back to me, follows rules, and is generally a whole lot more pleasant. For now, all is good  ;D
Title: Re: Out of my league parenting teens
Post by: MR on October 12, 2017, 04:00:22 PM
Just updating this thread with a positive shift. When high school started, with it came a new attitude. He now thanks me, does (much) of what he is asked to do, stopped talking back to me, follows rules, and is generally a whole lot more pleasant. For now, all is good  ;D

Enjoy today i hope lasts forever.