Young Widow Forum

Time Frame => Shock Wears Off, Reality Sets In ( 6 to 12 months) => Topic started by: November on March 20, 2015, 11:29:15 AM

Title: 8 Months today
Post by: November on March 20, 2015, 11:29:15 AM
This day 8 months ago my world came crashing down the life I had/lived and my husband were taken from me and today I can't seem to get it together.  I don't understand I seemed to be fine last month even yesterday, but today ALL HELL BROKE LOSE and I feel so much pain...raw ugly intense pain..My heart aches so bad, I'm dizzy and nauseous, head hurts, my eyes burn from so much crying. And I can't control it I can't stop it.  It's like I'm going under water and can't come up for air.  What happened to "it gets easier with time"??
Title: Re: 8 Months today
Post by: jlp on March 20, 2015, 12:33:34 PM
November, I am on nearly the same timeline as you and the same thing is happening to me.  I was doing really well for a couple of weeks and now for the last week I can hardly stop crying.  And yes, sometimes the grief feels almost as raw as at the beginning.  I think part of it for me is that this time of year we would be starting to get ready for summer -- planning the garden, motorcycle rides, etc.  Now -- nothing.  (I will still garden, but it won't be the same.)

Also, I've started reliving the last few months of his life and at times, it's almost unbearable.  I know setbacks like this aren't unusual, but that doesn't make them hurt any less.  And I'm still doing all the "self-care" as usual and it doesn't seem to be helping.  I don't know -- I wish someone had a magic wand ...
Title: Re: 8 Months today
Post by: widowat33 on March 20, 2015, 08:00:44 PM
I am only a few weeks ahead of you in this journey.
Although I know he's gone, sometimes it just hits me, and it's overwhelming.
When you feel like you are underwater and the waves are knocking you down, remember to breathe.. There are some breathing techniques that really do help anxiety attacks.
It does get easier, then harder, then easier and so on...
Sending you hugs!
Title: Re: 8 Months today
Post by: lcoxwell on March 21, 2015, 05:23:01 PM
I am about 4 months ahead of you, but so far, this has been my experience, also.  I will have a period of time, be it days or a week or two, in which I will feel like I am making a little progress and the pain is easing up, just a bit.  Then, another wave of grief will hit, and I feel like I am drowning all over again.  Hang in there, and this wave of yours will also subside, once again.
Title: Re: 8 Months today
Post by: Captains wife on March 22, 2015, 07:01:03 AM
Im so sorry....none of this is easy. I am almost 3 years out but do remember the pain of my first year as a sudden widow. The grief does change over time and it will get easier to deal with, although I know it must be so hard to see that now. Please be good to yourself, in any way you can - rest a lot, spoil yourself, let yourself grieve and get it out. Things that helped me get through the darker times were: seeing a grief therapist, connecting with other widows, keeping otherwise occupied (I took up all sorts of projects including working out, which help with the endorphins). Please take care and keep keep us updated.
Title: Re: 8 Months today
Post by: Jess on March 22, 2015, 11:42:25 PM
I am 6 days behind you. I find myself having what I call quick hiccups of grief. I will think of something out of the blue and lose it and gather it back in quickly. I have days where I don't want to move at times. I wish this journey was more linear instead of so up and down and back and forth. I think even though months have passed, there is still shock that is peeling away that this is our reality. Peace to you.
Title: Re: 8 Months today
Post by: November on March 24, 2015, 12:21:17 PM
Thanks everyone.  I'm a little better.  I don't know why this wave is so hard to shake out of.  I have this overwhelming sadness that stays all day and hits even harder at night.  I will be going out of town to visit my sister.  I was going to wait til the weekend to leave but I feel so consumed with my grief right now that I asked for a couple of days off from work and I will be leaving tomorrow. Hopefully a change of scenery will help. 

Thanks again and I will keep you guys posted.
Title: Re: 8 Months today
Post by: Carey on March 24, 2015, 12:55:39 PM
Never let anyone tell you there are five stages of grief. Blah blah blah.  I was fine all morning, lunchtime I bawled in the car again. Yesterday shoulda been a sadiversary of sorts (anniversary of daddy's death and 16 months for C) and I was fine. It's nonsensical. It gets better, it gets worse .... but as time goes by the better does show itself more than the worse. I'm only at 16 months myself but it's more cycles than progression. I hope the trip to see your sister helps.
Title: Re: 8 Months today
Post by: Ursula on April 23, 2015, 10:22:39 PM
Hola guapa, I hope the trip and change of air helped. 8 months sucks, I remember. Unfortunately it is not, that it feels that much better at 14 months....darn. Wishing you well.