Young Widow Forum

Time Frame => Shock Wears Off, Reality Sets In ( 6 to 12 months) => Topic started by: LeahRoot84 on January 06, 2017, 08:19:23 AM

Title: Biggest Panic Attack in a Long Time
Post by: LeahRoot84 on January 06, 2017, 08:19:23 AM
I couldn't calm myself down last night. I felt like I was going to be sick or passout, I was sweating and my heart racing uncontrollably! It lasted a few minutes when I finally broke and talked to my Mother while I sobbed.

When does this EVER get better!? I hate waking up and facing reality all over again. I can't stress it enough, I need him home!!!

I know it'll never happen but I'm so over living in a dream just to be close to him. I really wish I could hate him! I'm so mad at him for his decision to take himself out of the equation permanently!! It's not fair!!

Thank you all for letting me rant. I'm just angry at this moment.
Title: Re: Biggest Panic Attack in a Long Time
Post by: Wheelerswife on January 06, 2017, 10:24:01 AM
Hi, Leah,

I had panic attacks and pretty significant anxiety that started immediately after my second husband died unexpectedly.  I had never had panic before, even after the death of my first husband.  My doctor prescribed short-acting anxiety meds that helped me with panic and in getting my head to shut off so that I could go to sleep.  I was not able to tolerate longer acting medications (well, the few I tried briefly) because of unacceptable side-effects.  After a year of dealing with unrelenting anxiety, I chose to get a service dog.  I know that a service dog isn't for everyone; they are expensive, for one, and I had to weigh the benefits with the risks (stigma, etc.).  I decided I was better off taking care of my needs with a dog.  I have no regrets, and over 2 years later, my anxiety and panic are under much better control.  My dog can sense my anxiety and intervenes earlier than she did when I first got her, and I find that I can recognize triggers much earlier in the process and mitigate situations.  My anxiety is much less obvious in the workplace and at home, although I tend to process more of my stressors at home and my dog works more for me at home than in public.

All really to say that you aren't alone in your anxiety.  I was pretty pissed off, to be blunt, to have developed anxiety.  I had enough to cope with (surgery and a cancer diagnosis within weeks of my husband's unexpected death) and I did NOT want to be coping with panic, irritability, over-reactions, etc.

It has taken me time to regain my composure and confidence.  What I know...from too many years of experience at this and having met many other young that it does get better in time.  That being said, I'm not sure that knowledge helped me much when I was in the throes of my worst anxiety.  I guess my advice is to do SOMETHING - whatever might work for you.  See your doctor, a grief counselor, exercise if that is your thing - find something that makes a difference and keep at it until you find something that helps.  It took me a year of floundering and then trying before I found a solution that helped me.

Hugs to you,

Title: Re: Biggest Panic Attack in a Long Time
Post by: RyanAmysMom on January 06, 2017, 04:12:44 PM
I had a "moment" in the grocery store today - reached for something that I always bought for my sweet hubby and he's been gone 18 months....  I just froze, then cracked and sobbed, right there in the grocery store.  I know it's not the same as a panic attack, but I understand the fear and uncertainty of what you're feeling.  I hope - I know - it will get better for you over time.  Be patient with yourself. 
Title: Re: Biggest Panic Attack in a Long Time
Post by: beth_krkswidow on January 06, 2017, 05:06:56 PM
Leah, sending you love and a hug.  I wish I could make it better.  I really do.  I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this.  So sorry we all are.  Love and hugs. 
Title: Re: Biggest Panic Attack in a Long Time
Post by: LeahRoot84 on January 11, 2017, 09:28:49 AM
Thank you all so much!

Today is another rough day. I really hate this!

I'm sorry you all even have to feel what I do. I wouldn't wish this on my own worst enemy.

Hugs to all of you! Xx