Young Widow Forum

Young Widow Forum => General Discussion => Topic started by: Adley on January 24, 2017, 01:48:09 PM

Title: Personality
Post by: Adley on January 24, 2017, 01:48:09 PM
Has anyone read up on Myers&Briggs personality typing? Just curious. INTP here. I wonder if similar types have processed grief in similar manners. Maybe we can help one another more effectively if we have better understandings of our perspectives. Just a thought. Thanks!
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: Wheelerswife on January 24, 2017, 01:57:46 PM
E/ISFJ here.  My second husband was an INTP.  I tend to like to make connections with others who have walked this road.  DH2 was also widowed, but tended to process more internally.  He read a lot, listened to music, and would come to me for quiet comfort when he was sad, but he would listen to me when I wanted to talk.

Maureen

Title: Re: Personality
Post by: momtokam on January 24, 2017, 04:09:17 PM
ENFP here....
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: MR on January 24, 2017, 04:18:51 PM
ESFP
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: Mrskro on January 24, 2017, 05:11:16 PM
INTJ here
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: Adley on January 24, 2017, 10:15:30 PM
Way cool, thanks! Although my wife was working on her master's in geriatric psy, we never discussed it together. I'm certain she would have tested ESFJ. Our relationship was. . . . . irreplaceable. It's so interesting to me to compare our writings, relationships, and experiences with our 'types'. They're all percentage based, of course, but it is refreshing for me to draw the parallels. Thank you all. And of course, anybody or anybody else that wants to discuss it further, please continue!
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: HCE on January 25, 2017, 02:07:12 AM
I'm an INTJ, and so was my wife. People said she was a female version of me, and vice versa. It's no surprise we hit it off so well....
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: SunshineFL on January 25, 2017, 10:04:03 PM
Has anyone read up on Myers&Briggs personality typing? Just curious. INTP here. I wonder if similar types have processed grief in similar manners. Maybe we can help one another more effectively if we have better understandings of our perspectives. Just a thought. Thanks!


Interesting topic @adley ...had me pondering your question today, and interesting to hear others' contributions so far, too.

Without the time or space to elaborate, I image we all process everything differently - our personal grief journeys included - depending on many factors, including our Myers-Briggs personality types. So much to be said on this topic...wish we could all sit over a coffee and discuss.

An intuitive empath here - an INFJ - who seems to be beautifully connecting with an INTJ.  ;)

Title: Re: Personality
Post by: WarriorModeMom on January 25, 2017, 10:37:20 PM
I am an ENFP:  The Campaigner and Free Spirit (according to the website). 
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: nerdywidow on January 25, 2017, 11:35:53 PM
INTP here as well.  I know that many people don't put much stock in personality types, but the INTP description really does describe me perfectly.

As far as grieving, I feel like I mentally accepted the fact that I was widowed almost immediately, and still don't know even 3 years out if I've actually processed it emotionally, or if I'm just pushing it down.  I'm all about logic and don't deal with strong emotions well.  As a result, I feel like some people may have found me to be cold, or oddly well adjusted early on, and the flipside was that when I was feeling (and still feel) strong emotions I didn't know how to express them to others.  I spent a lot of time that first year appearing perfectly fine and then sobbing in the bathroom at work.

I hope that's the type of info you were looking for.  Interesting topic!  I've often wondered how other INTP's process grief.
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: klim on January 26, 2017, 09:23:28 PM
ESFP, -A/-T

just did the test ...now I have to read what it means...you've got me curious.
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: Trying on January 27, 2017, 06:37:11 AM
ISFG here.  As far as my grieving goes, my personality has caused me to isolate myself.  I don't open up to people easily and constantly feel like I'm being judged for how my children and I are handling our grief and rebuilding our lives. Other people's emotions and moods effect me greatly and can drain me.

I think that's what makes this forum a comfortable place for me, I can be more open here than with friends and family in real life. 
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: trying2breathe on January 27, 2017, 09:01:20 AM
I tested as an ENTJ years ago, just took the test again twice and now am an ENFJ.  Life experiences change us, don't know if it takes the death of a spouse to change a personality type.  Interesting, thanks for the post Adley!
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: 66etype on January 27, 2017, 11:03:51 AM
ESFP - A The entertainer.

I would have tested this prior to Michael's death... Now almost 5 years later I test this way. I'm curious if I still would have tested this way in the depths of grief? Does your basic personality stay in place even during deep and polarizing grief? Interesting question.

Tracy
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: Wheelerswife on January 27, 2017, 12:51:51 PM
ESFP - A The entertainer.

I would have tested this prior to Michael's death... Now almost 5 years later I test this way. I'm curious if I still would have tested this way in the depths of grief? Does your basic personality stay in place even during deep and polarizing grief? Interesting question.

Tracy

Hi, Tracy,

I took the MBTI for the first time when I was 22 and I was an ESFJ at the time, fairly strong in all categories.  Each category is really on a spectrum, so you might be stronger in one area, but closer to the middle of the spectrum in another area. 

Over the years, my extroversion has slid toward the middle of the spectrum, while the other categories have remained somewhat fixed.  I call myself an introverted extrovert.  I do gain energy from other people, however I also require a significant amount of time alone to regroup.  I prefer to be on the edge of the room at get-togethers and prefer one-on-one conversations. 

I do believe that some changes occurred after my first husband's death, and I don't think I will ever be the strong extrovert I was when I was younger.  That is okay, though.  I kind of like this version of me.  I loved the relationship I had with my INTP husband - such opposites in how we functioned, but it really worked well.

Maureen
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: Adley on January 27, 2017, 01:17:35 PM
Thank you all for the feedback! Yes, lol, this should be discussed over coffee. Difficult conversation online.
   Regarding all of us with changing types- I did not find this system until late in my wife's illness. I was desparate to communicate some things to her and had no idea how. Our communication had been at least 75% jokes for years. So I came up INTP on multiple tests. As a father and husband who was desperately studying biochemistry. Then I took more and answered them the way I might have in my early 20's. A little on the ENFP side. Hm. Here was a head scratcher. So I took more and answered them as I would at 12 yo. Strong INTP. I haven't tested since, but I'm sure I'm more introverted postwidowhood. More NTP too. So I wonder do we all become a little more introverted or is there a trend to reverting back to our childhood type?
   I agree with Sunshine, there are LOTS of variables here. Nerdy, I got you loud and clear. You put it into the words I was looking for- almost immediately processed it mentally, but still not sure emotionally. People thought I was fine for a year and a half, though many have told me recently that I looked sick...and I did nearly all my crying alone. I found this site last fall and I think it must have been my first attempt at tackling the emotional side. Lol makes me feel like a big dummy. Thank all you guys for being here!
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: Mrskro on January 27, 2017, 03:56:28 PM
It's funny, I didn't really think about it much until this topic came up. 

I definitely became more introverted after his passing.  Rob was a huge extrovert and made sure I got out there.  Now, because I've had to go to all the kids things alone now, I find it taxes my emotional batteries and I don't have a lot left for other socializing.   Spending 2 hours making small talk with other parents on the team just about kills me. 

I do have to admit this forum has been a huge help for me to work through the emotional side of things.

xo
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: Newgirl on January 27, 2017, 04:26:16 PM
INTP "the thinker"

formerly ENFP when I was 20, though LH taught me about being introverted. I suspect I was "faking" extroversion dor social survival in my environments.

Now I give zero fucks.

A dear friend will often say "I know you love me, but I can tell by the glazed look in your eyes that your 'people time' has come to an end for the day. I'll see you later!"
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: Newgirl on January 27, 2017, 04:27:49 PM
OP- just caught your update... hi fellow ENFP to INTP!
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: Wheelerswife on January 27, 2017, 06:32:33 PM
So interesting.  INTP's are a rare breed, but are showing up here.

Maureen
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: Adley on January 27, 2017, 09:26:27 PM
 Maureen, I love your empathy developer signature at the end of all your posts. It fits you so well, and your insightful posts always drive straight home. Lol, regarding your last, my INFJ sister who is much more well read on the subject than I, has a new tshirt that reads 'Introverts Unite! (separately in your own homes).
  Mrskro, the small talk drives me batty these days. I think Jessica used to handle it all and we could dissect it later. We would watch Seinfeld. I think George once termed it the 'excruciating minutae'. Once we could laugh about it. Now it taxes me to pieces, and thats just one more thing thats no fun. But I know the humor is still there, just gotta find our way back to it . . . . 
  Newgirl, totally dig the survival mechanism. I didnt realize it till years later, so I dont think it was fake. Maybe just a study of yourself and others?
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: RobFTC on January 27, 2017, 11:50:31 PM
INTJ - the few, the proud, the odd :-)

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: twistedmensa on January 28, 2017, 04:35:08 AM
INTP here.
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: donswife on January 28, 2017, 08:11:30 AM
interesting topic , it was interesting to read   ..INFJ here   :)Advocate
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: Wheelerswife on January 28, 2017, 08:32:36 AM
Maureen, I love your empathy developer signature at the end of all your posts. It fits you so well, and your insightful posts always drive straight home. Lol, regarding your last, my INFJ sister who is much more well read on the subject than I, has a new tshirt that reads 'Introverts Unite! (separately in your own homes).


Adley,

My signature line comes from an assessment called StrengthsQuest.  After answering questions on a survey, they give you a list of your top 5 strengths - out of a total of 34.  Mine tend to align in the relationship building domain.  The other domains are executing, influencing and strategic thinking.  I guess it is a good thing I don't want to be a rocket scientist or a CEO!

If you are interested, you can find it at www.strengthsquest.com.  It isn't free ($10, maybe?) but I did it through work with a cohort of colleagues.  It helps to understand the different strengths of team members, and like most of these kinds of assessments, I think they are helpful, but certainly cannot define the complexities of each of us.

Maureen
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: Adley on January 28, 2017, 09:31:31 AM
Thanks Maureen, that is a really cool concept. One day, when I have a real job again, I'll throw that site out there and I know it will be highly valued by our team members. And thanks for tapping the brakes for me. To properly categorize humanity, we need 7+ billion boxes. And there aint nothin proper about humanity lol. Thank you again!
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: 66etype on January 30, 2017, 07:25:57 PM
I just returned from a 3 week trip to Costa Rica. I had much time to reflect on life traveling from beach to beach. One item that popped up on my radar from all this self reflection was how much energy I wasn't spending reaching out to good friends. I realized that in the beginning of grief I didn't reach out to people as I didn't have the energy, nor did I know what to ask for. In April it will be 5 years since he's passed and I now see that not reaching out to people is a habit.... not the result of the grief. It was startling for me to realize that I was neglecting wonderful relationships due to this "habit" I picked up.
I'm not saying that this has happened to anyone else.. I just know I did. I might have tested differently prior to that realization.. I'm not sure, as I didn't take the test before I returned.

Tracy
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: Adley on January 31, 2017, 07:40:31 AM
@66, very insightful. That trip was surely worth it! The difference in habits and our actual selves, what a worthy reflection. I need to investigate this. Hm.
Title: Re: Personality
Post by: Milojka on February 01, 2017, 08:12:38 AM
This topic is sooo interesting to me.

I have been a ISFJ for years, when I was young I used to be an ESFJ. My dh was a INTP.
So just like you, Maureen, and I agree with you that this is a perfect match. :-)

Before his death, we were together on our own most of the time (we also worked together, no children), as that is what we loved doing. We didn't have a huge network around us, which was OK. However, he would definitely have been the more introverted of both of us and people who don't know me often mistake me for someone who is very sociable and extraverted.

The months after his death were filled with legal battles which I had to fight on my own (with help of sollicitors etc) which left me completely exhausted. I hardly realized what had happened, no time to process all the blows I kept on getting, but still I had to proof the others to be wrong, which I eventually did yeey. At the same time, there were many issues with his stephmother who once again showed how evil she was, only now I was on my own to deal with that. So as soon as I could I left for a remote island where I still am, for the sake of my sanity.

So here I am. Alone. I have made some good friends, but we don't see each other that much. I am definitely much more introverted than I have ever been. I don't mind being on my own - although at first it literaly made me panic (no one next to me, no one to care for, no one who takes care of me). I like working outside, without people around me. I do not have a television but I like playing with wool and my knittingmachine in the evening. I am not on facebook or other social media, but I like to read on Widda. What still strikes me, is that I seem to be unable to remember faces and names and relations between the few people that live here and the stories about them. I used to have an excellent memory and interest for those things. In general being among people drains me now. I cannot stand noise at all.

We were together for 23 years and now I am alone since 2 years and I can still be surprised about the person that I am now, and the life I have. I miss him - that pain is always there, as you will all understand. But given the circumstances, it is not a bad life.

It is something that I ask myself often: will I ever be less introverted again? Would I be wanting to live again in a city in the future? And there have been so many changes other than this - will I ever return to that person?

Sorry to have made this so long...