Young Widow Forum

Socializing => Social Encounters => Topic started by: Sugarbell on March 09, 2017, 09:09:25 AM

Title: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on March 09, 2017, 09:09:25 AM
This is new territory for me..

Last relationship he had been divorced 15 years..she had remarried and they had a civil decent relationship.

My new friend..divorce was final 2 years ago....and she's nuts. She moved to the city 30 miles away..but is in hometown staying at her Parents when she has her daughter. I went to high school with her...we are just acquaintances..she's been my FB friend for 6 years (along with 800 other people). I saw her ONCE in 25 years at a band festival. She clung onto me and sat with my daughter and I . NG was busy working concession stand all day to raise money for the band. (He was always the athlete but is a super Dad and the responsible parent)

So one of my sons friends was at the house when NG was there. He told me his Dad went out briefly with his ex...and that she was crazy.

Every person I have talked to says she's crazy (like has various men all over the country flying her to different places lots of sugar daddies and just really messed up partier). The daughter is a sweetheart. We get along great. She told her Dad she almost told her Mom he was seeing me but was afraid her Mom would freak out. Him and I have been low profile but feel we have nothing to hide and are going to start being more public. Neither one of us care if she tells her Mom she's going to find out eventually but it's totally between his daughter and her Mother.

I really like him. We've been spending lots of time together and actually want to start planning weekend trips for all of us (his kid and my kids). My kids adore him. This is way faster than my usual speed..but neither one of us want to see anyone else...we are in a small town (our hometown)--Lots of folks have been on him to start dating. He's very picky. When I moved here lots were on me to date. I'm picky.

But we click.

What's the right way to navigate a crazy ex who I already know...but don't want issues/drama with?
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Portside on March 09, 2017, 11:55:21 AM

What's the right way to navigate a crazy ex who I already know...but don't want issues/drama with?

Hey SB. Sorry to tell you - this can't be done.

Assuming for a moment that your NG's ex is crazy, then it's the 'crazy' part that excludes this future relationship with the ex as a potential drama free one. 

Your only hope is to keep interactions to a minimum with her.

But - if her craziness is limited to wild parting and slutty behavior and doesn't spill over onto you and NG, you may be able to simply ignore that. That's a big 'but' however. 

Good luck - Mike 
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Captains wife on March 09, 2017, 12:03:01 PM
Ah yes....First of all, this all sounds great re: between you and your new guy so I was happy to read this. I am in a somewhat similar situation (although I didn't know this person before) and its really unfamiliar territory. The divorcee I am dating has an ex who is really really difficult (I don't know about crazy yet) - she is very unpleasant to my guy and doing some things that I really think are very unpleasant in terms of behavior. My NG is awesome and we too get along so well (and he gets along really well with my son) - but this ex provides a black cloud hanging over things sometimes. Here is the tactic I have used so far - avoidance.....My son and I have been through so much I don't need any toxic like people in my life so I purposely keep away from her and that part of the equation. I know this is not sustainable forever but for now I have asked NG if it would be ok if I (and my son) don't attend events where she will be. This is what I need right now although I know it will have to change in the future. We do our own things with the kids and she isn't involved at all and there is no reason for our paths to cross. For your situation, this likely isn't possible but you and NG should just continue down the path you are going (she is going to have to deal), limit any interaction where you may run into each other and when you do see her, be cordial for the kids sake. All the best,
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on March 09, 2017, 02:11:04 PM
I've gotten pretty good at avoidance..our only face to face awkwardness will come from kids activities.

High school football games-We will both be there (well she occasionally shows up to watch her daughter)

Our daughters go to same dance teacher ...different classes (she's 15 my daughter is 9). But dance recitals, etc.

My oldest is one year behind his daughter. They know a lot of the same people. In fact a few girls in his grade have said "He's really nice..especially now that he's rid of Crazy -----"

This is the recurring them I've heard. And when I ran into her at the band festival this fall...she went on and on to me at how if she sees him with another women she will go nuts. (Even though she's been cheating on him since 2006..and has had dozens of men since divorce in 2014..she kept telling me she screwed up and want him back. This was the FIRST time I laid eyes on this woman since 1990! We did not hang out together since high school but she unloaded on me at this festival.

He's damn near perfect for me from what I know so far...but I really really don't want to deal with her hysteria. (-and yeah she's been hospitalized for mental issues..she's a train wreck).

Just hoping maybe my stand offish vibe will keep her away from me. She won't be mean or threatening but she's just nuts.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on March 09, 2017, 02:17:36 PM
Or maybe when she finds out I should just clear the air and be upfront. So their isn't that tense awkward junk going on at public kids activities. P
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Trying on March 09, 2017, 03:07:03 PM
The crazy ex is not a fun situation to be in.  You can't control her or her reaction to your relationship, unfortunately.  It would probably be better if she finds out sooner rather later and NG should decide how best that should happen.

I have a crazy ex situation too but so far she saves her crazy for him and is polite to me in our very limited interactions.  This may change soon because of some concerning situations that may lead my guy to head back to family court.  We have no desire to take the kids away from her but she is not forthcoming about some serious things in her home that directly effect them.  Also now that we are living together he want to enforce the 50/50 custody and she is resistant (he has to be at work before the "before school" program starts so he couldn't have them overnight during the week when living alone and only has them 4 hours after school).

Keep your distance when possible, maintain your dignity and take the high road whenever you can.  If she freaks out and you don't let her see it getting to either of you she will hopefully burn out eventually.
Good luck, this guy sounds like he's worth it!
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Mizpah on March 09, 2017, 03:26:20 PM
My boyfriend has a child with a crazy ex.  She presents an extra layer of complication, though, as she's not merely "crazy," but also highly malicious, vindictive, manipulative, and dedicated to efforts at hurting others emotionally, socially and legally (mostly my boyfriend and anyone associated with him) at any cost to anyone, including to their child at times.  A bit more than two years ago, I completely cut off contact with her and she's not allowed in our home (not even at pickup and dropoff) and I've blocked her number and FB.  (She used to issue death threats against my boyfriend's late fiancee, but she hasn't against me (yet).)  It's far too late for me and her (and always was going to be eventually really - the only thing she ever wanted to talk to me about, from the beginning, was how awful he is (though she tried to get back with him when his fiancee died, so...)). 

My advice: be pleasant and yet distant, and fade into the background as much as possible when things involve her, keeping him responsible for the (co-parenting) relationship.  Don't react if things get heated.  Don't let her or anything about her come between you two; take nothing she says or does to heart.  If I could do it over (and mind you I don't think I could have prevented her exploding the potential for a relationship between me and her, just by virtue of her personality/choices) but if I could do it over, I would make it very clear very early on that my focus with her should be only on pleasantries and (if you and NG get to this level), co-parenting issues like bedtimes, approaches to discipline/teaching, favorite foods, school stuff, and that's all. 

Good luck!

[Edited to add: new territory for me too and wow, what a shock to me, the way some people behave!  I thought this was merely the stuff of Jerry Springer!]
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Adley on March 09, 2017, 05:59:10 PM
All great advice, I'd just like to add- take tiiiime. If she and the daughter are still in contact, then that influence is there to some degree. But if the daughter sees the 'crazy' and doesn't want to emulate, then it could be very positive. I rushed, and the crazy ex factor was just one of many that I overlooked. Take time, and I wish you the best!
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: wecouldbeheros on March 09, 2017, 06:06:57 PM
Show her you are more crazy than her ;)
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: StillWidowed on March 10, 2017, 02:42:38 PM
My non-relationship relationship consisted of him having a "crazy" ex.  He told me how she would make his life miserable, would fight with him all the time about everything, blah blah blah.  As he and the non-relationship relationship started to unfold, I came to realize he was the miserable one and no wonder she was constantly pissed at him.  She had her hands full!

So proceed cautiously....
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on March 10, 2017, 10:58:26 PM
I do realize their is 2 sides to every story. I'm sure she thought he was boring and a homebody. She likes to go out...like ALOT. She been a FB "acquaintance" for years and I've witnessed the trips/messes/break ups with other men..all of it. He's not on social media (always a good sign Lol).. He doesn't talk much about her at all..he's actually embarrassed.

It's been from other folks who have made comments. Every single one.. "She's crazy" and "He's a good guy and the responsible parent"

So not worried it's him..

It's my hometown..we are from the same high school and years graduated. The circle is small it's easy to check anyone out. It's a positive and negative thing about moving home but I made my peace with it before we moved.

I'm just going to keep my distance...and maybe have a glass of wine before the public joint kids events.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: mmg19 on March 11, 2017, 01:07:59 PM
Not in a position to offer advice on how to deal with the ex.  NG got kudos for not talking about his ex.  I respect this in both males and females.  Ex is the mother of his daughter and I would tread lightly never to comment on her actions to him or in the presence of any of the children(yours and his). 

Enjoy the becoming friends stage of the relationship and my hunch is there will be very little drama since she appears to have interests elsewhere and may relish the idea of her daughter being around a stable influence.  I would also clean up my facebook friends or at least restrict any opportunity to have any contact.  NG should handle any issues that may arise.    Good Luck as you move forward. 
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: singinmomo4 on March 11, 2017, 05:41:58 PM
Good luck with that Sugarbell!  No real advice because I've never dealt with that but I hope it all works out.  I'm guessing that knowing her isn't a good thing.  Just let him deal with her, you stay out of it.  Again, good luck!
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Lmsmdm on March 19, 2017, 08:15:14 PM
I remember when Big Guy and I were new...he would always tell me his ex was nuts.....I remember telling him he was being dramatic.... usually both people involved are ok, just not ok together..... boy oh boy was I wrong ha ha ha....there will have to be some interaction, but as said before keep it to a minimum. Biggest challenge is to not fall into their trap and and try to deal with them rationally as it's not possible. Once I realized that, things went smooth... I would yes the crazy bitch and end the interaction asap.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on March 19, 2017, 09:17:29 PM
Oh yea...daughter told her Mom last Sunday...Mom went nutso. We are no FB friends but she's making an ass of herself thru social media. All dramatic and what a tough time she's having. She's been thru many men since the divorce-i am the first woman he's been out with since the divorce and she is nuts over it.

The daughter likes me..and that fuels her anger. We all (all 4 kids) went to dinner and a movie last night..she was supposed to have her but went to a rock concert instead. -He has her 80 percent to the time.

And yes my interaction with be brief and only when I have to. ,

Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: wecouldbeheros on March 19, 2017, 11:30:02 PM
Ignore her totally, believe it it is the best revenge.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on March 24, 2017, 01:04:13 PM
Yep. That's what I am doing.

And its a small town...my daughter had a spring musical at her school..The ex's sister was there watching her son. I got the glare the entire time. I ignored...and kept my nose in the air. Didn't even look her way.

I am just going to stay in my own little bubble. His daughter brought he an ice coffee last week and yesterday when I was subbing at the high school. -This isn't my problem, it's the crazy ex and how she interprets anything (and yes..they've been divorced for 2 years..it's not like I was the "other" woman or something good grief)--I am good with kids..I always have been. If his daughter likes me, well that's just the way I am. I am not doing it to impress new guy..or make ex mad. That's just how I have always been. Why  my house is always full of kids.

Whatever parenting insecurities she has with her relationship with her daughter...it has nothing to do with me. That's all on her. Things are great with NG..I am going to just leave crazy ex outta the equation for the time being. Not my problem...at least not yet anyway
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Bear Shannon on March 25, 2017, 07:34:47 PM
Nothing much you can do about an ex when kids are involved short of shooting her.  ::)
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Trying on March 25, 2017, 07:42:35 PM
I don't know if any of you listen to Dr Laura on the radio.  I love her even though I often don't agree with her and find myself yelling at her in the car.  She says there should never be serious dating or remarriage when kids are under 18, for divorced or widowed or never married.  I can totally see her point given my own situation but I know I am so grateful for my stepdad who help raise me and I hope my youngest and finances kids will feel the sam
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: tybec on March 26, 2017, 06:40:59 PM
I listened to Dr. Laura moons ago.  Her rigidity is concerning.  Even the bible (I think she is Jewish), has arrangements for widows to be taken care of, al beit, not in this century, but still.  She would hold a single parent from any circumstances hostage to being alone to rear children?  Wow!  Blending families is difficult, but rearing children being single for whatever reason is very hard.  Strange advice of hers.  But she never lived it, right?
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: fairlanegirl on March 26, 2017, 07:31:53 PM
She says there should never be serious dating or remarriage when kids are under 18, for divorced or widowed or never married. 
Don't know who this lady is, but that is ridiculous. Sure, not a revolving door of partners, but if you find the right one? Five years into a new relationship, think I have anyway. I will be 60 when my youngest turns 18, afraid my maternal martyrdom does not stretch that far! A happier Mum must be a good thing, usually.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Trying on March 27, 2017, 06:28:21 AM
Yes she is extremely rigid and spouts statistics about the high divorce rate for second marriages.  I know my youngest is benefiting from having a man around the house.  His 2 are young and don't have real memories of their parents being together so I think they are benefitting from seeing a healthy and loving relationship that will hopefully be a model for them.  I also know solo parents who are raising amazing kids on their own.  I wish all kids could grow up in an intact family with 2 loving parents but when that doesn't happen we have to do the best we can. 

Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: TooSoon on March 27, 2017, 08:04:54 AM
She says there should never be serious dating or remarriage when kids are under 18, for divorced or widowed or never married. 
Don't know who this lady is, but that is ridiculous. Sure, not a revolving door of partners, but if you find the right one? Five years into a new relationship, think I have anyway. I will be 60 when my youngest turns 18, afraid my maternal martyrdom does not stretch that far! A happier Mum must be a good thing, usually.

That is ludicrous (I am not a fan of Dr. Laura to begin with).  My daughter is now 10.  She has known Andy since she was 7.  He is going to be the father she knows in this life; she will not really remember her Dad (apart from vignette-like memories probably more from stories told and retold than actual memories) and photographs.  He loves her, and she him.  If something happens to me, he will raise her.  How this can be a bad thing is a mystery to me. 
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: mmg19 on March 27, 2017, 09:26:10 AM
Agree with TooSoon.  Revolving door dating, relationships, involving kids in your personal life when you know it is going nowhere will most certainly not be good for the children.  There has been only one man in my life and in the life of my children since becoming a widow.  He is now their step-father and a father in every sense of the word. 
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: nextchapter on March 27, 2017, 11:32:04 AM
Agree with both statements above, but a little male perspective. you shouldn't latch on to somebody if they are the wrong person just because of the above statements. Slow down, and I think it is ok to have more than a few relationships so long as a bunch of different men are coming through the door 3 or 4 different ones in a year. Other wise several years from now you may find yourself stuck with the wrong person. Every body seems great when things are new.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: fairlanegirl on March 27, 2017, 01:46:40 PM
Agree with both statements above, but a little male perspective. you shouldn't latch on to somebody if they are the wrong person just because of the above statements. Slow down, and I think it is ok to have more than a few relationships so long as a bunch of different men are coming through the door 3 or 4 different ones in a year. Other wise several years from now you may find yourself stuck with the wrong person. Every body seems great when things are new.
With all due respect don't think there is anything particularly male about your perspective there. Most of us, male and female, have been around the block enough at some stage to not stick with the wrong person, I suspect. The thing of course is that unless you have an amazing support system with family who will take the children frequently, your children will see everyone you are with - future or no future, and let's face it, most often you don't know which it is initially. The worry is children getting attached to people only for them to go. No shared custody etc of course so you can't keep your relationships separate. Some here do manage that very well and I take off my hat to you - I'd get too frustrated! I got lucky I guess, reconnected with someone from my past and it has worked, but even that is a risk of course. Plus there is the thing that in some cultures, thankfully not mine, a woman will be judged more harshly for having multiple relationships than a bloke, who may be seen as 'lonely' and needing sex etc whereas women are supposed to be entirely devoted to their children.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Forgottenwife on March 27, 2017, 03:02:12 PM
She says there should never be serious dating or remarriage when kids are under 18, for divorced or widowed or never married.

I will be forever grateful my mother did NOT listen to this silly advice as I had a step father who made my life, and the lives of my siblings and Mom, so much better with his love and generosity and amazing example of how to be a dad and a husband. I will defend my mother's decision to welcome him lovingly into our home.

Dr. Laura doesn't live in my house, and here she is giving advice on a situation she has never lived through. Widowed/Divorced parents second guess their parenting decisions all the time, and then people come along offering their opinions. Many, many people choose to recouple, many others don't. I'm certain none of us should feel guilt for finding love and companionship. I certainly wouldn't have wanted my parents to live the rest of my childhood without their new spouses and in my case, it was the best thing for everyone involved, including my parents.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: arneal on March 27, 2017, 05:44:29 PM
My son was two weeks before his fourth birthday when his dad died suddenly. I am forever grateful to my LH (not my son's dad -- he was horrid. Sad he died like he did but that was not a good marriage -- but my second husband, who died last year) who was a FATHER to a little boy with special needs (autism) who needed that.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on March 28, 2017, 09:57:07 PM
Agree with both statements above, but a little male perspective. you shouldn't latch on to somebody if they are the wrong person just because of the above statements. Slow down, and I think it is ok to have more than a few relationships so long as a bunch of different men are coming through the door 3 or 4 different ones in a year. Other wise several years from now you may find yourself stuck with the wrong person. Every body seems great when things are new.
With all due respect don't think there is anything particularly male about your perspective there. Most of us, male and female, have been around the block enough at some stage to not stick with the wrong person, I suspect. The thing of course is that unless you have an amazing support system with family who will take the children frequently, your children will see everyone you are with - future or no future, and let's face it, most often you don't know which it is initially. The worry is children getting attached to people only for them to go. No shared custody etc of course so you can't keep your relationships separate. Some here do manage that very well and I take off my hat to you - I'd get too frustrated! I got lucky I guess, reconnected with someone from my past and it has worked, but even that is a risk of course. Plus there is the thing that in some cultures, thankfully not mine, a woman will be judged more harshly for having multiple relationships than a bloke, who may be seen as 'lonely' and needing sex etc whereas women are supposed to be entirely devoted to their children.

Yes this.

I've been doing this widow Thing for over 9 years.

Haven't had a revolving door of men...especially in the past 5 years...but certainly made some mistakes.

My kids are (and have been for several years) some of the most well adjusted well rounded kids you will ever meet. Sometimes we need to cut ourselves some slack.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on April 03, 2017, 07:37:11 AM
His daughter just returned home from a week long trip to Disney with the high school marching band.

She bought my 9 year old daughter a little Harry Potter souvenir. With her own money..total surprise to me (and her Dad) but she said she wanted to cause my daughter loves Harry Potter books.

Her Mom found it in her suitcase..started grilling her about who it was for...daughter told her she went nuts. Daughter called her Dad crying..he calmed her down..He was here is the only reason I know..he didn't want me really knowing all the craziness.

She didn't buy it for me...it was for a 9 year old kid...yet Momma goes off on her to the point she calls crying.

This is the kind of nutso stuff I am talking about. Again..I am fading in the background saying nothing but good grief.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: arneal on April 04, 2017, 01:51:24 PM
Sugarbell -- unfortunately, what you just described happens more frequently than you know ...
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Mizpah on April 04, 2017, 02:22:07 PM
It's unfortunate.  My boyfriend's kid's mom does things like tell their son that my daughter isn't his "real" sister (they're half siblings).  If she's mad at my boyfriend, she will wrench him away at pickup, and refuse to allow him to hug his dad/my boyfriend.  She causes scenes at nearly every pickup and dropoff, screaming in our driveway about whatever is making her angry about my boyfriend's existence that given day.  Can you imagine living like that?  It's not good for ANYONE.  Terrible.  I don't get it.  I get the FEELINGS - the hurt or jealousy or anger or resentment or WHATEVER - but not the chosen expression of those feelings.  Yuck.  I don't mean this politically, so please no politics, but, "when they go low, we go high."
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on April 05, 2017, 09:32:14 PM
Good advice...I'm taking the high road.

It does make it awkward for me, because the daughter and I get along so well and do have a lot in common (it's easy for me to talk marching band and dance class because I took from her and my daughters instructor as a kid and same with band). She wants a female adult role model-her Dad has told me that she's over the moon that we are dating. I don't want to overstep-and make life rough on the daughter....but I am also just being me.

Like if Mom wasn't crazy...I wouldn't think twice of making her a little Easter basket. I still give little ones to all 3 kids and I bought extra girl stuff today for her if I make her one.

Then I thought "Oh shit her Mom might go nuts and she's the one who will have to hear about it not me"(It's just little Dollar Tree stuff nothing at all fancy/expensive-it's just what I always do and wanted her to have one too.

Sigh.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Trying on April 06, 2017, 06:45:20 AM
It's a tough line to walk and awful to have to overthink giving a girl a thoughtful little gift.  I say just be you and let Dad talk to her about how to navigate the subject of you with her mom to minimize the negative reactions.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on April 10, 2017, 05:23:45 PM
Luckily I am pretty good at predicting how crazies will react...Dodged a bullet Saturday morning...his daughter was playing in the band for our towns Chocolate festival-My daughter and I skipped it (even though NG and his daughter wanted us to go)...I knew her Mom would be in the area to pick her up at 2.

And as predicted...she ran over to his sisters, Nieces, family during the parade (he was there) and caused a mild scene.

Then started texting hateful texts at 11 at night when she found out we went to a friend of mines house for an Easter party.

Then upset his son (whose 22) and daughter (15).. cause the son wanted to hang out with his Dad at his house (I wasn't there he lives out in the country).. But she said "Well I didn't want your soon to be siblings coming out here)" We've only been going out for 2 months.

And they've been divorced for over 2.6 years...And she's dated dozens of men.

He's awesome. She's bat shit crazy...like needs committed .

Guess no relationship is perfect. Just staying one step ahead.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: arneal on April 10, 2017, 05:49:01 PM
Hugs, Sugarbell!
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Captains wife on April 12, 2017, 07:06:26 AM
Sugarbell - you are dealing with all this madness very well. I'm seriously impressed as this situation seems very toxic -  and all caused by someone who can't control her emotions. I hope it's not creeping into relationship with NG. I'm dealing with a milder version of this right now and sometimes I'd rather just not deal at all. These people are lucky to still have the other parent, family etc in the picture and it makes me so angry when I see all these negative afflictions on others.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on April 12, 2017, 07:23:20 AM
I think it helps that I knew of her since high school (we weren't friends but knew about her) and knew of him. Every person I have run into since we've been going out has said the same thing "Oh he's great ..and his ex is nuts"...she made quite a spectacle of herself over the past 10 years here. And she's only in my little town 2 days a week and has an apartment in the "city" 30 minutes away.

Even my oldest son hears how crazy she is from his classmates (kids whose fathers went out with her, etc).

No not affecting me and him. He doesn't talk much about it...but she's an emotional basket case. Her mood depends on who her latest man is and how things are going there. It's just bizarre behavior out of a 45 year old (well actually anyone).

I'm just staying very low key here. He came to my sons baseball game last night and met my family...but that's a safe place I knew she wouldn't be.

Maybe someone rich guy will marry her and she will move away. Oh I can hope. 😳
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Mizpah on April 12, 2017, 09:03:08 AM
Maybe someone rich guy will marry her and she will move away. Oh I can hope. 😳

Careful what you wish for.  This is what's happening right now in my little world, and she's trying to take their son.  It's costing us amazing amounts of money in lawyers' fees that we can't afford, and he might lose anyway, and only see his son twice a year.  It's horribly upsetting.  NO ONE wins in situations like this.  Especially not the kid. 
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Captains wife on April 12, 2017, 11:10:50 AM
Wow - sorry Mizpah....that's awful... I hope the courts come to their senses and don't allow her to go with their son. My NG's ex is threatening to take their son (who is only in kindergarten) across the country to live nearer to her family and the current custody battle is terrible and expensive.

I wish we could all find a way to deal with these exes who are making life difficult for all, especially the poor children. Sigh
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on April 12, 2017, 12:08:40 PM
Ugh...that's awful for both of you-I really don't understand the selfishness with kids..Somehow their feelings and needs just get lost in all the ex drama. It's really sad..and I don't understand why a parents would want the child not seeing the other parent..It's almost like they've reverted back to middle school selfishness.

NGs ex tirades (she started cheating in 2006..it was just a total mess) really affected his son who was only 12 when it started. And she's very controlling of this poor now 22 year old kid.

The daughter luckily has him and all his extended family and is very grounded. But she's always upset when she's with her Mom and very on edge. I'm glad she's older so Mom can't take her across the country. But her Mom throws on her face all the time "When you graduate I am going to Florida...only 3 more years and I am leaving this place"--I've never been around this side of dating with toxic exes. I honestly feel like it's very middle school/high schooling except it's now involving kids too.

She's not going to ever get a reaction at of me. I figure my best bet is to keep my nose in the air and pretend she's not around. I respect their daughter too much to ever have words with her Mom. All I can say is Karma is a bitch..and all her craziness is coming back to haunt her.

Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: MrsDan on April 12, 2017, 12:55:09 PM
Another one dealing with this. Ex took daughter out of state without permission - she'd probably get it if she formally requested it. At any rate, it IS very middle school, and all the more ridiculous when you've been through trauma that is real and not manufactured. I can't imagine denying a child a relationship with her father; it's the one thing I wish I could give mine.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Mizpah on April 12, 2017, 03:27:25 PM
She's not going to ever get a reaction at of me. I figure my best bet is to keep my nose in the air and pretend she's not around. I respect their daughter too much to ever have words with her Mom. All I can say is Karma is a bitch..and all her craziness is coming back to haunt her.

More than two years ago, after a particularly ugly incident (one-sided, I didn't engage), we decided it would be best if she were no longer allowed in our house and if I blocked her on my phone and in social media.  It's worked really well.  There's no new fodder for her to use except her baseless opinions and from whatever little snippets she thinks she knows from trying to pump their kid, if she does, and from what she imagines or speculates.  And I don't have that anxiety every time I used to "have to" interact, always trying to dodge her trying to get me to talk $h!t about NG with her, or to try to get me to "open up," knowing she'd use anything I said later and twist it.  For a while, I second-guessed the decision, thinking wouldn't it be nice if we could get along and get past it and be close?  Wouldn't it be best for their son if we could all "co-parent" with love and good intentions and focused on working together for what's best for him?  But slowly came to realize that not everyone is like me and that I was the only one of the two of us (me and her) that wanted that and that any kind of interaction/closeness would just feed the ugly crazy damaging stuff. 

Long-winded way of saying I think it's smart to avoid and ignore!
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Trying on April 13, 2017, 08:22:31 AM
Mizpah, what an awful situation.  Having never been divorced myself it's hard for me to imagine letting my own ego and hurt get in the way of what is right for my kids but you hear it happening way too often.

Our lastest was an email from ex stating that after the school year ends she doesn't want them staying with us during the week and wants him to pay for the before school program so she can drop them off at 6:45 am before work (they are 6 &7) instead of getting on the bus here at 8:30 the 2 days she works.  Her latest reasoning "it's nothing personal, I just love being a mom".  Well, too bad, it's supposed to be 50-50 custody, he loves being a Dad and they love (and need) their time with him!  I have a feeling he will be heading to court before long too. 
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on April 13, 2017, 05:15:08 PM
Oh dang Trying she sounds like a whack job!!

and again it's "I love being a Mom...I I I " not what is in the best interest of the kids. Dropping a 6/7 year old off at 6:45 am instead of letting them sleep and get on the bus at 8:30? Yeah that's really good for them..NOT! It's just her way of having "control" instead of looking out for the kids.


Again....Middle School selfishness. Ugh! Sorry you are dealing with that nonsense
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: tybec on April 14, 2017, 10:43:42 AM
This stuff is so hard. I heard the stories due to my job, but being involved with someone with it is another ball game.

My NG had bought a condo on purpose on a cul-de-sac with a huge Soccer park at the end of it, and a block from his kids' school, so another playground and being familiar to his sons.  So, he had no yd. to deal with but two parks he could throw a rock to for his kids to access.  His ex, a teacher, had the kids in that school as it had the best scores, though she taught elsewhere. Amazingly, when she moved to another school, she moved them to her school.  Now, no one will say anything as she takes them with her, and her new school has the same scores, but how convenient to move them from their father's home district next to their school.  The other drawback is the kids attend a school way out in the county, so they have no neighborhood friends to play with.  Had they continued in the school next to Dad's house, they could have had opportunities for kids to play with in the neighborhood that attend their school. Some old time normalcy.  Ex didn't care. Away from dad and convenient to her.  No kids to play with in their neighborhood at either parents home as they are never there and the kids at their school live out in the county.  More losses for the kids becasue of parent's decisions.  SMH
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Trying on April 14, 2017, 11:20:41 AM
Tybec, its that kind of selfishness that I just don't understand.  Grown ups should be able to push aside their own egos and agendas and do what is best for the kids. None of these children asked for the divorce yet they pay a heavy price.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on April 24, 2017, 01:01:17 PM
Met his Mom, sisters, nieces/nephews this weekend. They are great.

They were having a large birthday party/dinner thing and invited 80 people (way onboard in my book but it was for his nieces new baby birthday) anyway..we went out Sat to help decorate and party was Sunday afternoon at 2. His daughter was getting dropped off by her Mom. Mother wasn't invited. I told them "She will come in..and I don't want a scene or anything at this little girls birthday party. "

They didn't think she would. NG went up to my folks for lunch after church...he told his sister to text him when his daughter got there and we would head down.

Sister called...daughter was there...Ex dropped her off..came in, strutted around..made everyone uncomfortable then left. They were appalled she came in scoping out the place for him/us.

I know crazy. Better than most...continuing to stay one step ahead..but I know eventually we are going to run into each other.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: tybec on April 24, 2017, 02:49:02 PM
Wow, SB.  Just WOW.    Keep up the good work of taking the high road.

I went to NG's son's play. His ex was to be there, of course.  Her family had been the night before.  I felt nothing. I didn't have stress.  I am no threat and have nothing to be concerned about.  She came in, touched younger son's shoulder and went backstage.  Didn't talk to him, really.  I hate they are like this.  Can be in the same place but their kids get the message that if it is the other parent's time, then off limits.  HOW WEIRD for the children!  They get it, the body language.  The "actor" came out and talked to me and my DS afterwards instead of going to his mother.  He knows the unsaid rules. 

NG asked if I saw his ex give me the look over.  NOPE, didn't notice, not worried. 
 
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: MR on April 24, 2017, 03:57:00 PM
Wow SB you are good at it, You are spending some time and brain to make sure no wanted scene is created. Happy that it worked out as you planned. I suppose it is worth thinking all this and avoiding as far as you can and hopefully she will get message.
I suppose after some time our of the forum member can write book about Dating div.....

Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on April 25, 2017, 09:57:37 AM
It's a challenge...in my small hometown..we know lots of the same people. I'm not really used to being on guard..but I grew up here..so it's not hard to stay 2 steps ahead of the crazy.

Her latest is she's telling folks she's being tested for MS (Multiple Scelerosis). When he finally had enough 3 years ago and they separated she told everyone she had cancer and he was leaving her and not there for her during treatments. (Uh he left her cause she started cheating in 2006...and never really stopped and he finally had enough. His only regret is he didn't leave her sooner)
She never had treatments..it suddenly was gone once the attention stopped and she realized he wasn't taking her back.

My Mom has MS...she's had it for 30 years. It aggravates me that she's got her daughter worked up over her MS testing (which is just an MRI..maybe they are trying to find a reason for the Crazy).

I'm almost at a place that I am ready to stop tip toeing around about the relationship and avoiding her at all costs. I am really taking the proactive high road because I really care about this guy and his daughter.

My inner redneck wants to start messing with her head..Holding off hoping she just flits away
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: MR on April 25, 2017, 01:29:57 PM
I think what you are doing is right as once she stops getting attention she will not bother you and him.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: mmg19 on April 25, 2017, 06:42:38 PM
Stay on the high road.  You are not responsible for her words and behaviors.  NG will always need some contact with his ex if they are sharing custody.  Daughter will and should always be concerned for her mother.  Her medical issues do not concern you.  A fire always burns out when no fuel is added.  Patience, kindness, and maturity are qualities to serve one well. 

Sooner or later you are going to be faced with face to face contact.  A pleasant hello and move on as you would with any other acquaintance without emotion or need for conversation would be my choice.  No explanation needed and NG and daughter will appreciate not feeling any stress.  Good Luck.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: tybec on April 25, 2017, 08:41:15 PM
Good job, SB.  When you said crazy, it is really on a whole other level.  Sorry to have to deal with that. Our hearts fall for who they fall.

I have been prepared for everything I have dealt with in my life, whether I liked it or not.  I think you got this, prepared though you didn't know you would be.  ;)
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on April 26, 2017, 12:29:21 AM
My DH had a wackjob ex.  Stay the course SB  You're doing great.  Just don't expect it to end.  Expect the unexpected and you won't be suprised.  LOL 
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on April 26, 2017, 07:17:50 AM
Thanks for the words of wisdom everyone. I will stay the course being proactive. I catch myself always staying Astro ahead but I know some unexpected encounters are eventually going to happen.

You are right...her health doesn't concern me. I think the whole MS thing really hit a nerve with me...because my Mom was diagnosed when I was in High School and she did everything to keep us shielded from it for a while...the ex hasn't even been diagnosed but is already worrying her daughter about it for sympathy. (Bet my life savings she doesn't have MS).

I haven't posted a single pic or anything on social media of us because she has mutual friends with me and I'm just staying private and invisible (don't want to fuel any fire). And again..I could care less how angry or whatever the emotion is of the day she is with me....but she drills her daughter and drives that poor kid up the wall when she's upset so for her sake...I stay invisible.

Oh and she's intentionally overdosed twice when she gets upset (usually over one of her man friends) My sons friends Dad went out with her briefly..when he tried to dump her she overdosed and had to have her stomach pumped. So I'm expecting that to happen eventually too for attention.

Good grief.🙄🙄. But NG is worth her headache. I'm not going anywhere.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Trying on April 26, 2017, 08:05:57 AM
When there are kids involved you definitely have a different level of responsibility when dealing with a crazy ex.  It sounds like you are very sensitive to the impact on NGs daughter and letting that guide you instead of your own ego is the way to go.  Its too bad she doesn't realize the same thing and put her daughter first.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on April 28, 2017, 08:03:19 AM
NG poor daughter...I hope I don't unintentionally make things worse. She went to ballgame with us last night...We were talking about our Finger Lakes vacation in June (all 6 of us are getting a lake house). She is so excited. Then my daughter grabbed my phone and started showing her pics of our various trips (I've taken lots of mini trips solo with my kids). She just got quiet then said "Well my Mom is flying to Key West tomorrow morning since she's kid free till Monday..another one of her get always with "friends".. I wish my Mom would take trips with me".

Her Dad said she cried all the way back to their house...saying how selfish her Mom was.

I know it's not my concern...she's anxious to get her drivers license...so she can stay at her Dads all the time and not be forced to stay with her Mom in the city and her partying friends.

I just have a soft spot for kids...I verbalize nothing to her about her Mom..I'm neutral Switzerland.

I'm sure when she chooses to stay with her Dad all the time that will be blame on me. 🙄
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: MR on April 28, 2017, 09:12:44 AM
I feel for your NG daughter. Yes you will be blamed for everything so get ready  :) :)
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: arneal on April 28, 2017, 12:39:05 PM
Yes, Sugarbell -- the second mom or second dad is always at fault  ::) That's why I used that term with my son -- my second husband was his second dad; his first dad was dead so there was no drama, but for my stepdaughter, having a second mom for real (someone her ex married, not just a girlfriend) was problematic for a long time.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on May 01, 2017, 03:26:45 PM
Over the weekend we all hung out...NG and daughter went to games with us..they came up Sunday for my birthday dinner at my parents. He dropped her off to her Mom at 5 (supposed to be 2..but her flight was late from Key West 🙄).

I was teaching at High school today...this afternoon daughter comes bobbing into the classroom with homemade cookies she made for me last night. She said she wanted to bring me cookies on my birthday. She is the sweetest kid. I asked NG after work if she caught Hell for it...He laughed and said "No..she told her Mom she was making cookies for her friends at school so she wouldn't flip out on her. "

Gawd this women is going to hate me even more...hope I don't come home someday and find a boiling rabbit in a pot in the kitchen (Fatal attraction)
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: arneal on May 01, 2017, 11:29:50 PM
Sugarbell -- sounds like she is a great young lady, NGs daughter. That is a blessing right there. Mom? Not so much  :P Which makes it difficult to stay neutral. However, you are doing a fabulous job of navigating these choppy waters. Good for you as you are being a role model for NG and his daughter. That's fabulous. (((hugs)))
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on May 02, 2017, 05:31:41 AM
At ballgame last night...daughter called her Dad..45 minutes of crying.

Mom threw fit over something...she packed up all daughters clothes screaming "I'm going to drop you off somewhere else to make you happy..just live with your Dad and her" (and no we are nowhere close to living together)

Clothes were all over the yard, suitcase..She finally calmed down and went to bed (Mom) Dad told daughter to go to bed. He expects her Mom will wake her up in the middle of the night to apologize. He says that's usually what happens.

Bat Shit Crazy.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Captains wife on May 02, 2017, 06:50:58 AM
First of all you wonder how great guys marry crazy women like this. And I feel so bad for the great daughter- it makes me disgusted his ex is behaving this way. Sugar bell - I admire your resilience towards this situation. Make sure you share techniques of how to block out this toxic behaviour.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on May 02, 2017, 07:20:03 AM
Bat shit crazy sounds right.  Why is BF allowing his daughter to live with this nutjob?
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on May 02, 2017, 07:39:03 AM
High school sweethearts...married at 20. She wasn't crazy in high school.

She stays at her parents in town when she has her daughter. He was upset her parents didn't say anything..but I think they walk on eggshells too. I think he just wanted out of the marriage and it was joint 50/50 custody and he felt better that she would be at her grandparents on days she's with her Mom. Mom has rental house in "city"but it was worked out that she would stay at her folks on days during the week when she had her daughter. She holds a full time job in the "city". Even my sons middle school coach..who talks about no one said to me the other day "Glad you are with him..he's a great guy but his ex is a crazy ass".

I think it upset her that this weekend daughter was at my parents with him for dinner and my Mom (retired high school teacher) really hit it off with her too. The kid just wants a peaceful family life-she gets along with everyone-she hasn't rebelled or anything (in spite of her mother). She failed her learners permit for her license last week and wants her license so bad so she can have more say about where she goes. She's 15.. I believe kids at 15 are allowed to choose aren't they? And he hasn't dated anyone in 2.5 years since the divorce..pretty much because of Moms volatile behavior..so now it's cranked up because he has a girlfriend, his daughter likes me and my kids, our families like each other, etc.

I'm staying as neutral as I can...but I am no longer going to hide " us" and walk on eggshells worried about this woman. She kept screaming "I probably have MS..and look what you are doing to me".

I expect an overdose soon...and plenty of drama/show to come with it. I know I sound callous ...but it's too predictable. And I really am falling for this guy. He is just such an amazing man of character.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on May 02, 2017, 07:46:23 AM
I think the way of blocking her out is..I've fallen for him. I know him..I have people locally vouching for his character who have known him for 40 years. He's solid..he's what I've been looking for..I don't fall easily..but we just flow together-we are easy it's not work. So I ignore her..and everyone I encounter is happy for the two of us and say she's crazy. That makes it easy. She won't get a word outta me..nothing. Saying nothing around Crazy is better than being nice and trying to reason with them or play nice.

I don't play with crazy toxic people. Just nothing.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on May 02, 2017, 09:58:23 AM
Good plan!  I used to say to DH "I don't do crazy well" and he knew it.  I did the same, said nothing.  As the kids get older there will be even less reason for her to contact your NG so there is that to look forward to as well.  Good luck SB!!
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Forgottenwife on May 02, 2017, 11:41:18 AM
Mom threw fit over something...she packed up all daughters clothes screaming "I'm going to drop you off somewhere else to make you happy..just live with your Dad and her" (and no we are nowhere close to living together)

Clothes were all over the yard, suitcase..

Someone could have called the police. Imagining if my boyfriend or roommate or SO started screaming and throwing my belongings around, I would immediately leave. And if they tried to stop me from leaving and I was able to, I would call the police. In my opinion, this is not just crazy, its abusive. If one of your friends told you this story, would you feel that they should immediately leave the situation? No different just because she is a minor. Being treated like that by your mom is bullshit.

I really feel for this kid.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on May 02, 2017, 12:48:00 PM
Yes you are right...it's abusive. That's why NG was so upset that the grandparents did nothing.

I'm hoping she goes off the deep end and moves south to the beach like she keeps threatening too. It would be the best thing she could do for her daughter is to just leave.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Forgottenwife on May 02, 2017, 01:08:43 PM
Ugh, I'm so sorry.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on May 02, 2017, 03:10:39 PM
Argued all morning in car..Her Mother said she's just too much for her to handle right now..Had daughter in tears at school this morning.

Then this afternoon had flowers delivered to the school to her daughter apologizing. (I subbed at high school today)

Classic textbook abusive relationship. Absolutely insane. Daughter knows and called her Dad on school bus..He told her to just act appreciative..She has dance class from 5-9 so she won't have to see her Mom much tonight and she's with him rest of the week.

Sigh..finally find the man of my dreams and his ex is absolutely bonkers.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on May 02, 2017, 03:40:08 PM
Maybe it's time BF went back to court to get his daughter out of the nut house.  Obviously her parents are not any help.  Why should she have to suffer the craziness of her mother.  Doesn't sound very fair to me.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on May 03, 2017, 08:05:21 AM
He doesn't even need to go back to court...In WV kids 14 and older have a say and she could stay with her Dad all the time. He's been wanting her too for some time.

This last stunt I think about did NG and his daughter in. He was up all night the night it happened worried about her. His daughter is a pleaser....a peace maker and thought if she spent 50/50 with both parents it would keep Mom happy.

It's not working...I look for her to gradually spend more and more days with her Dad. It's already 70 percent of the time instead of 50/50..cause he gladly takes her when Mom takes her unexpected sugar daddy trips.

I
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: MrsDan on May 03, 2017, 11:39:45 AM
Maybe it's time BF went back to court to get his daughter out of the nut house.  Obviously her parents are not any help.  Why should she have to suffer the craziness of her mother.  Doesn't sound very fair to me.

This is often a lot easier said than done. SB's NG is fortunate in that his daughter is old enough to have a say. But for younger children winning physical custody away from one parent is tough, and expensive. Like, upwards of tens of thousands of dollars. And being emotionally abusive or just a shitty person, that won't cut it. The burden of proof is extraordinarily high. In my opinion, the system places the rights of the parents over the rights of the child.

Every time there is an issue with one parent being non-compliant, whether it's involving parenting time, scheduling, providing information or whatever, the other parent has to file a motion, which is a few hundred dollars right there. Both have to pay, even the party who has been denied their rights. Everything, discovery and all that, it costs money. What galls me is all the money being wasted by parents who want to cock block, that is all money that could be spent on the kids. It's crazy.

Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: kjs1989 on May 05, 2017, 07:18:52 PM
Great stuff!!

NG's ex served him with divorce papers while he was on a rare golf outing with buddies nine years ago.
She threw away a perfectly good, hardworking, and honorable guy  who was a great dad, and immediately moved herself and their two kids in with a guy from her high school class who did prison time for drug dealing.

So, she has regrets now. Early on I actually defended her a bit and tried to empathize with her situation and get NG to see things from her perspective when she would text or  call about various issues.

Well, that was just dumb on my part because I now understand she is a truly bitter and toxic person.  She left me alone for awhile, but now I am often a target of her vitriol which is ridiculous as she only saw me in passing once at his daughter's college graduation.

So yeah,  such a tough situation  when there is an angry, irrational  ex inserting herself into your relationship. I truly feel like there are three of us sometimes in this gig. NG does not engage, but that does nothing to make her go away.

Wish I had some advice for you, can only  commiserate.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Forgottenwife on May 09, 2017, 02:51:07 PM
Well, that was just dumb on my part

Nope, not dumb at all. Just being a reasonable, nice person. I'm sorry for you that she is bitter and toxic and that it is affecting your life. Its really too bad people can't just be nice. 
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on May 15, 2017, 06:10:38 AM
Mothers Day weekend....

NG had daughter...dropped her off to her Mom Sunday morning. Mom had sent daughter a list of things or ideas of what she wanted for Mothers Day (yea seriously no shit-unbelievable).. Daughter just got her a card..Mom upset. Then started bitching (during drop off) about how she spent 10.00 on a dance tshirt for daughter and he didn't pay. He gets out of car hands her a 5 and leaves.

Hour later NG gets a marathon of bitching texts about how he keeps her out too late and she always comes to her exhausted. This is because they were at my house till 12:30 one night this weekend (even though Mom has her out till 1am sometimes)-He didn't bother to respond. So then starts in on how she's the mother of his 2 kids..they were married for 20 years and he can't get her anything for Mothers Day or wish her happy Mother's Day and how she doesn't want to be enemies blah blah blah. So he responds "Ok Happy Mothers Day"

Just nuts. He handles her usually just by ignoring and not responding. Oh and Mothers Day-Left her daughter alone all day once she got her and went kayaking with her friends.

Daughter says she goes to try to stay with her Dad a lot more this summer. This woman is just too crazy and looks to pick arguments.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: trying2breathe on May 15, 2017, 08:35:36 AM
SB   I feel for you, she does seem pretty nutty.  Although difficult to live with, it makes it easier for your NG to know that he's made the right decision to not be with her, and to enjoy time with you.  In a strange way, I wish that my NG had a wacky ex - his is perfectly sane, from what I understand an intelligent, caring, nice person, and every once in awhile NG gets together with her and his daughters to have his kids' milestone celebrations together.  Makes me wonder if he might still have feelings for her, and might get back together with her.


So ..... in a warped kind of way, enjoy ex's wackiness.  Maybe it's a blessing in disguise?
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on May 15, 2017, 12:25:02 PM
I guess you have a point. Ideally it would be nice if he had a sane ex..or was remarried or in a serious relationship..Shes going to pick, play victim, and be disruptive..that's just her.

Not going to engage..He told me he Loved me last night (Huge huge step-) and I do love him. Can't believe I am actually saying that. We are far far off from any type of "living together or marriage" thing. But the feelings are there and will hopefully continue to grow.

She needs to move to the beach. Myrtle Beach or Daytona Beach (where she wants to move) is exactly her year round speed. Bat shit wild woman crazy.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: mmg19 on May 15, 2017, 03:50:48 PM
Sorry about the "nutty" ex, but it sounds like NG has a grip on the situation and is being a good father in spite of the ex's desire for drama.  I can understand the frustration but less said the better as the two of you evolve into a loving respectful relationship. 
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Trying on May 20, 2017, 05:54:07 PM
My craziness is not on the same level as yours Sugarbell but our latest is a text from his ex of a picture of the fruit we put in his kids lunch boxes after he tried to discuss with her that donuts and potato chips as the only food offered all all day is not a great choice. They eat fruit happily at our house all of the time and pick which fruit I put in their lunch boxes. When he asked her what the point of her texting a picture of the fruit was she replied "go back to your beer, vodka and pills and have a nice weekend". To clarify, fiancĂ© may enjoy a drink here and there but no pills and no problems with alcohol and what does that have to do with feeding the kids fruit? 
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: arneal on May 21, 2017, 06:12:54 PM
Trying -- for some reason, any good you do together is an affront to an ex's ability to good. As if one has any bearing on the other or it's a game of one upmanship. It sucks. You and your guy, keep doing what you are doing. Show those children what unity is all about (that was actually the topic of our message at service today ...).
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on May 21, 2017, 08:37:47 PM
Trying-She sounds nutty too..good grief...Why can't these people look at what is good for the kids instead of being fueled by jealousy?? She ought to be happy her ex is with someone who loves those little boys and wants to make them happy.

Too many things to list from the weekend...but she's a nut job train wreck. I'm done walking on eggshells...I won't interact with her...but I have really tried not to throw stuff in her face and worried about not being in places with him where she would be. I'm done..It's too small of town and by walking on eggshells (like everyone else has done for years) her behavior doesn't improve-it gets worse.

I will be classy...But I have a feeling I am going to make her head spin now. I'm just being me..he loves me..I love him...and if were ever in the same circles of people/events...she's going to have to suck it up.

Or move to the beach. 😎-Which I predict will happen in the next 12 months.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on May 21, 2017, 10:48:36 PM
Atta girl SB, stay classy and live your life.  No eggshells are just messy. Time for you 2 and she just needs to get over it.  As DH used to say " suck it up buttercup". Not to me of course. Lol

Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: tybec on May 22, 2017, 08:44:10 AM
Learning the unsaid rules.  This is hard.  Went to a soap box derby event NG's son was in.  My son is 4 yrs. older, so I am that many steps ahead of all these things NG's kid is doing.  Well, pull in and think I see his ex. walking in parking lot.  Running late, get to furthest parking lot area and swing in a space.  Getting chairs out of trunk, and notice van with a sticker on it that could only be hers.  She walks around about then and gets something from her vehicle.  I play it cool and move on.  Tell NG and he tells me to move my car! 
Now, NG is standing behind her seats as their children are sitting with her as she has chairs.  I plop my chairs down and ask where we are to sit.  He is like,"I don't know what to tell you."  I am kinda oblivious, and his kids are there with her, but his weekend.  I finally put it together that WE need to be elsewhere.  OK......

Move on, and NG is helping with the his kid, the other child is with his mother, and we are at the finish line.  His child is winning and winning, and we are that bottom, so one time, he is so excited, he high fives my son, and runs and hugs me.  I turn around to his mother behind us.  I said, "Go hug your mom!".   I stayed clear of her the rest of the time.  She helped her son, and NG was at the top of race track helping out.  It worked out, but OY!  The piddly stuff to deal with! 

NG's son finally lost.  I sent my child to tell him good job, good sport, etc., as we have done the same over the years.  NG's ex tells my son that was very nice of him.

Hoping we can forge a civil relationship, although I am taking cues here, to stay out of the way!
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on May 29, 2017, 12:43:42 PM
Ok so imitation is the sincerest form of flattery right? Now it feels creepy.

I took my kids and NG daughter to a state park Friday for a day of hiking while he was still working. Daughter loved it and said she's never been hiking or to state parks in the area..We had a blast. Her mother hates that kind of stuff (I know) That evening we get a puppy that was found on NG farm. My son and his daughter were so happy and excited and my son was texting daughter after she left to go to Her Moms and sending her photos of the puppy walking, etc.


So next day Mom gets a pit bull puppy and keeps texting daughter pics (that's all this woman needs is a pit bull) Then
Mom gets bitchey...2 days later when she gets the daughter drive her 3 hours in the rain to go to a different state park and she said she wants to take up hiking.

Daughter is trying to have fun with her Mom...but is a little wigged out at this sudden spontaneous change. I am s little creeped out. Probably harmless--but it's very weird to me just because I know her and her history/tirades/instability. Any psych folks have any input???
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: arneal on May 30, 2017, 12:59:04 PM
Yeah, Sugarbell, ex's get weird when things seem to be going well with their former other signif. So sorry you are going through this (although my BA is in psychology and my EdM is in counseling education, I say this from a step-mom point of view). My LH's ex was strange like that for most of our 16 year relationship. Early in his illness, she took him to court for child support; he had received his medical retirement and had already had two operations for a pacemaker by then. In court, she verbalized out loud that she did not believe he was all that sick, that he was faking it not to pay. Part of why he owed more than usual was because back in the day she had gone on welfare and he was charged to pay it back. During that time, their daughter did not see much of that money as mom spent it as she saw fit. The judge looked like he wanted to kick her out and did not honor her request for more money while telling her that LH was in fact not lying about his health ... Another time, she came to our house so their daughter could do her hair. Mind you, daughter lived with mom most of the time and only came to us on certain weekends (by that time it was more often when they weren't getting along). I said she could but that they would have to do it in daughter's room, not my living room, in front of my big screen tv ... it was hot up there and before she finished, mom decided to leave. She made it down off the stoop and the sky opened up in a thunderstorm. LH and I laughed until we cried. Good times  ::) :o
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on June 04, 2017, 01:57:44 PM
Leaving on first vacation with all of us this afternoon...5 days 4 nights on the Lake.

His daughter is so sweet and excited. Her Mom was so upset she had to book a 4 day trip to Florida on one of her Sugar Daddies. I really hope she doesn't call her daughter and upset her..I mean I know she will be calling and texting her non stop...but hoping she doesn't go apeshit on her and get her upset. It's pretty predictable though...I'm sure it will happen.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: arneal on June 05, 2017, 10:07:53 AM
Hope you have a wonderful time, Sugarbell ... maybe while you all are doing fun stuff, you can encourage everyone to leave their mobile phones on off or leave them at the hotel ... think of it as an 'unplugged week'. Even if you or your NG have yours with you in case of emergency. That way, she can't get upset by what mom does. Just a thought.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on June 10, 2017, 08:00:43 PM
Awesome vacation! Her mother was partying at the beach and didn't call much.

But she's nuts...as we were driving home from vacation she had just gotten back into town and started with the texts/calls. This is hard in a tiny (5000 pop) town...
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: arneal on June 11, 2017, 03:14:41 PM
So sorry, Sugarbell. You got this though. You are doing a great job!
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on July 05, 2017, 10:16:21 PM
Bitch is crazy... (although I think her cocaine addiction over the years certainly made her normally crazy worse)

She's at the beach with her relatives and kids (he has a 22 year old son too).. Parties first night with son..son fell off a wall?.?...anyway she had her daughter call NG then she got on the phone saying he broke his back.

His back isn't broken..but he did need stitches over his eye.

Then yesterday...she must have been posting some jealous nasty things and dogging him and what a bad parent he was. Then puts as her cover photo a pic of all of them drunk on the beach and their son "mooning" the camera. I am closed lipped about it...she's just a piece of work.

I've handled running into her a public events with class (dance recitals) I spoke and went on. Keep my distance. Publicly I say nothing...she's making an ass of herself.

I'm just venting on here. I've honestly never seen anything like it out of a 46 year old woman. Bat shit crazy.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Trying on July 14, 2017, 08:34:18 AM
In the car this morning on the way to drop his kids at camp 6 year old says to me "mommy said if she gets us a puppy we can't stay with Daddy during the week any more".
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Mizpah on July 14, 2017, 09:09:26 AM
Going on vacation in August (we have NG's son for a week then).  Decided where - we do lots of outdoors stuff - hiking, camping, canoeing, etc.  NG's son's mom does none of this.  But to pre-one-up NG and so NG's son would be all "been there done that," she decided that they would go exactly where we're going, two weeks before we do.  She keeps texting him photos of highway signs and license plates just to show him that they're where we had planned to take the kids in two weeks.  Can't make this $h!t up!  It's crazy!  So pathetic and insane.  And what's she gonna do there, other than feel psyched that she did this to NG?  Before her, I didn't believe people could be this....  Malicious, empty, spiteful, obsessed?  You name it.  Yikes. 
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: Sugarbell on July 14, 2017, 09:23:34 AM
Going on vacation in August (we have NG's son for a week then).  Decided where - we do lots of outdoors stuff - hiking, camping, canoeing, etc.  NG's son's mom does none of this.  But to pre-one-up NG and so NG's son would be all "been there done that," she decided that they would go exactly where we're going, two weeks before we do.  She keeps texting him photos of highway signs and license plates just to show him that they're where we had planned to take the kids in two weeks.  Can't make this $h!t up!  It's crazy!  So pathetic and insane.  And what's she gonna do there, other than feel psyched that she did this to NG?  Before her, I didn't believe people could be this....  Malicious, empty, spiteful, obsessed?  You name it.  Yikes.

Yes this. Somedays I feel like it's "mean girls" high school.

Trying-crazy ex..when we got a puppy...she told her daughter she was getting a puppy pit bull...Luckily her landlord told her "No".

Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: arneal on July 14, 2017, 12:20:30 PM
Hugs to all going through this. I don't miss all that with LH's ex.
Title: Re: Those dating divorcee with nutty ex
Post by: StillWidowed on July 17, 2017, 02:39:37 PM
I think this is why I'm not in a relationship.  I just don't think I have the temperament for all the drama and games.......yet I miss companionship.  <sigh>