Young Widow Forum

Time Frame => Newly Widowed (1 day to 6 months) => Topic started by: MelGibbs on March 25, 2017, 01:58:22 PM

Title: My husband died yesterday
Post by: MelGibbs on March 25, 2017, 01:58:22 PM
He was 44. It was a tragic accident and I don't know how I am going to go on without him. He was my rock. The kids and I are lost and I don't know how I can raise them without their dad. I consider myself a very strong woman so this has really thrown me for a loop. I miss him so much!
Title: Re: My husband died yesterday
Post by: Lmsmdm on March 25, 2017, 03:24:13 PM
I am so very sorry for your loss. Please be kind to yourself. It's a rough road for sure, but things do get lighter with time.

Sleep when you can, eat when you can, and drink plenty of water. Yes, you can cry enough to dehydrate yourself.

I am glad you found this forum, but so sorry you had to join our club.
Title: Re: My husband died yesterday
Post by: Trying on March 25, 2017, 07:36:37 PM
I am so sorry for your loss and the raw pain you are feeling.  I know you feel lost right now, accept whatever help people offer in these early days and maybe ask a best friend or relative to organize help for you and the kids since you probably don't even know what you need right now. You don't have to be strong today, there will be plenty of time for that later.  If possible try not to focus on the future, it is too much to fathom right now, keep your focus on the moments in front of you, sleeping, eating a little, making arrangements and holding your children close.  All of us here have walked in your steps and we will be here while you face the unthinkable days ahead.
Title: Re: My husband died yesterday
Post by: Julester3 on March 25, 2017, 08:34:50 PM
So sorry you are joining us here. Hugs to your and your children. You are in the right place - many of us know what you are going through. It'll be hard to process and things will blur the next few days but take care of you because you are not going to want to and you need to keep the kids in check too. You will all be shocked for awhile. Stay hydrated, eat, sleep as best as you can, accept help, don't be afraid to ask for help, don't let anyone bully you and you don't have to make all decisions right this moment.

We all draw our strengths from different places - you will find yours when the time comes. Again some hugs to help fortify you in the days to come.
Title: Re: My husband died yesterday
Post by: MelGibbs on March 26, 2017, 04:42:45 AM
Thank you all. Words from people who have been through this mean so much to me right now. We had so many plans for our future...his stuff is everywhere. I have clothes of his in the laundry basket. Every little thing is triggering me. There was still ice in his Yeti cup when I had to wash it. I feel like I'm loosing my mind. Lots of friends and family around for the next week which has been great but I can't help but think of how it will be when they all leave and it's just me and the kids.

I at least slept some last night and am not crying as much. I have strong faith and am trying not to be mad at God and have faith he will get is through. I am not one to ever ask anyone for help or show weakness but I am going to try to get over that and accept help and even reach out.

Your replies mean so much to me. It feels like no one around me really understands so I am so glad I found this group. THANK YOU ❤️ Melisss
Title: Re: My husband died yesterday
Post by: Julester3 on March 26, 2017, 06:22:08 PM
If you still have his laundry, take 2 shirts and put them in a ziplock bag. It'll preserve his smell. If you are like me and experience that need for a little bit of him, that familiar smell can help...
Title: Re: My husband died yesterday
Post by: MR on March 27, 2017, 03:55:55 PM
Hi MelGibbs,
So sorry for you loss and you had to join this club. Please take everything easy as first few weeks we don't know what we are doing. Don't think too much about future right now just take one baby step at a time. Hopefully things will be little better.

Title: Re: My husband died yesterday
Post by: Mcdc10 on March 27, 2017, 10:38:37 PM
Hi MelGibbs,

I'm so sorry you are going through your pain.  Please keep the faith you have.  I'm 6 1/2 months out and my husband died unexpectedly.  It's tough, but I'm able to make it through because of the faith I have in God.  Don't beat yourself up if you are not strong or feel as if you are lost.  You don't have to be strong.  Use your support that is around you. You and the children can and will make it through.  Just take it one step at a time. You can do this.  I will keep you in my prayers.
Title: Re: My husband died yesterday
Post by: MelGibbs on March 28, 2017, 08:40:35 AM
Thank you all so much. I am taking it breath by breath. Somehow I am still breathing and functioning. I have a lot of love and support surrounding the kids and I so that is what is getting us through. Preparing for the service on Thursday and gathered photos for the slideshow. Not sure how we are going to get through that. I so appreciate each of you and your replies. Each one gives me hope.
Title: Re: My husband died yesterday
Post by: beth_krkswidow on March 28, 2017, 04:41:56 PM
Oh, so so sorry you are here. So sorry. You are right. NO ONE understands except those unfortunate enough to experience this worst of all losses. Do listen to Julester and put something of his in a plastic bag. I didn't and the only thing I have that has his scent is his hairbrush.  I am so sorry. I wish I had words of encouragement.  It's pure hell, and faith does not ease that. Your Christian NON-widowed friends will expect 'your faith to carry you" through. I was a very "strong" Christian,  a "great" prayer warrior.  My faith has kept me from driving off a cliff, but that's all. Being a strong Christian does NOT  negate the fact that you are now shattered, broken,  irreparably changed. So don't feel as if it should.  One moment at a time.  Warm hugs and I am so very sorry for your loss.
Title: Re: My husband died yesterday
Post by: Lmsmdm on March 28, 2017, 08:50:46 PM
The mind is a beautiful thing....these days will become a blur....and in time, you will only get a glimpse of true of the horror that is today. This, almost 6 years later is still one of my favorite quotes.....

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.
Rose Kennedy

Take the advise of the ziplock bag. There will be days his scent will make you lose your mind, but more often than not, it will save your soul.
Title: Re: My husband died yesterday
Post by: Laura1612 on April 05, 2017, 07:12:28 PM
Oh Mel, I'm so sorry . I remember when I first posted here two days after my husband died at age 43. That was five months ago. I could not believe that I would ever feel any better.

But I do feel better, sort of. It happened, whether or not I wanted it to. As people have said, it's really not better, it just gets easier to deal. You cope better. You understand the pain and it's less horrifying and intrusive.

I often compare it to the film The Babadook, which I think is about grief (the protagonist is a widow with a child). The Babadook is grief: a scary monster that you have to face. Eventually you chain it up in the basement. You can hear it rattling sometimes but you can ignore it and live your life, and even smile. Other times, the Babadook rattles and screams so loudly you have to go and feed it. It's scary and sad to face him, but you do. Then he quiets.

We are here to listen. And anything you feel is normal.

Title: Re: My husband died yesterday
Post by: MelGibbs on April 11, 2017, 12:32:31 PM
Thank you for all the replies. It has been almost 2.5 weeks now. Family is gone and reality has set in now. My boss has been amazing and set me up to work at home for a while so I can heal a little and be close to the kids (I work an hour away). I am not sure how I will ever go back physically to work. The last day I was there was when the cops came and told me the news. Those memories will never leave.

I am in so much pain, I still cannot stop crying and lots has been triggering me. I think I need to go to some counseling or something. The kids are back in school as of last Monday and seem to be doing well considering. I have been having lunch with them some days and taking/picking them up from school. I am praying we get to a place where we feel like a complete family again...I don't see that happening.

I am planning a vacation for the week of Father's Day and my hubby's birthday (they are one week apart). I am scared of that week.