Young Widow Forum

Specific Situations => Other Circumstances => Topic started by: Michael797 on May 03, 2017, 12:03:54 PM

Title: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 03, 2017, 12:03:54 PM
Reopening soon, back later tonight. Just putting cobwebs back on the microphones (who cleaned up while I was gone?). At least the picture of Jezzy is still here.  :)
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Wheelerswife on May 03, 2017, 02:40:56 PM
Hugs, Michael. I don't have much else for you.

Maureen
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: quovadis on May 03, 2017, 04:34:41 PM
Michael,
I am so very sorry for your loss. (hugs)
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on May 03, 2017, 07:45:16 PM
Welcome back Micheal, it's been a while.  I hope things are good for you.  Hugs!
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Jen on May 03, 2017, 07:55:51 PM
Listening.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on May 03, 2017, 08:01:03 PM
Me too but I still can't hear anything.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 03, 2017, 08:21:54 PM
I'm coming, I'm coming... hold yer hosses.

So lovely to see faces waiting. This is so much better... quiet. Nothing about Facebook is quiet. Sure hope none of you are going through anything like this right now.

Jenni... good answer. Love you too.

Thank you for being here. Let's get to the lists. We make lists around here.

As always, we at RH remind you that nobody belongs here, so get out!
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 03, 2017, 09:05:26 PM
So we have to reply to ourselves? Weird, I don't remember that. Anyway....

Before we resume broadcast, we're required to air our updated Terms of Service - which are:

1. The Gandalf-looking guy who calls himself "God" ain't welcome here. A) This is Hell, duh; B) Anyone who kills his own son should be jailed, not worshipped.

2. Other than #1, censorship is prohibited. Fasten yer seat belt. Don't like it? Turn the dial. They're probably playing "Wind Beneath My Wings" on iheartradio - go listen to those bastards.

3. If you're pregnant or nursing - well, we love and envy you, but you shouldn't be here.

Last chance to bail - you could go find a bago.

Fine, if you're that goddamm persistent, we'll be back after commercial with a report from the funeral home.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 03, 2017, 09:26:39 PM
We're back, with only three days left until the BIG EVENT. Let's find out what preparations are underway from our field reporter:

"Today the bereaved parents went to the funeral home to view their son's body for the first time! As expected, the former occupant was nowhere to be found. But what a vehicle! Shiny, sleek - dressed impeccably and looking every bit as gorgeous as before the accident. If it wasn't for the plastic-looking coating on his face and the white lips, you'd almost be convinced he was just sleeping. In any case, the parents are now pre-disastered and have two days of empty space ahead as they stagger toward Saturday's memorial.

An unexpected bit of bonus information came from a later meeting with the parents of the deceased's girlfriend, who informed us that, given his age, he will probably become an URBAN LEGEND at his high school. Guess that's a form of immortality, isn't it?"

That's it for the report. Coming up next - enjoy some ventriloquism as a dozen psychics make OTHER PEOPLE'S VOICES come out of their mouths. You won't want to miss it.

Thanks for listening. Go get a life.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Sandi1970 on May 03, 2017, 11:24:42 PM
So radio hell, huh?! I haven't been to this site in a very long time but here I am! Kinda dusty in here... where is everyone? Sleeping probably, hopefully. Michael how are you holding up?
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Mrskro on May 04, 2017, 07:15:40 AM
Michael.

There are no words.    I am so sorry.   I'm listening too.

Nic
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: donswife on May 04, 2017, 07:58:17 AM
listening ..
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 04, 2017, 08:24:06 AM
So radio hell, huh?! I haven't been to this site in a very long time but here I am! Kinda dusty in here... where is everyone? Sleeping probably, hopefully. Michael how are you holding up?

Not so great, Sandi - but then, this is Hell. And I hope everyone slept peacefully.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 04, 2017, 08:30:04 AM
Today we have a special treat - the list of songs that Rachel picked out for Bud's funeral. We give you the Playlist from Hell. They're all on YouTube, feel free to listen.

1. Crowded House - Don't Dream It's Over
2. The Wonder Years - Don't Let Me Cave In
3. Moose Blood - Knuckles
4. Cage the Elephant - Cigarette Daydreams
5. The Wonder Years - Woke Up Older
6. Hozier - Like Real People Do
7. Young the Giant - Every Little Thing
8. The Fray - You Found Me

TTFN, so get out.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 04, 2017, 08:30:54 AM
Hugs, Michael. I don't have much else for you.

Maureen

I may finally have some idea of how you felt, Maureen. So very sorry to have to reopen the station. Thank you for being here waiting.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Jen on May 04, 2017, 09:04:02 AM
Plot twist: I thought I would pass out cold and stay blissfully unconscious for at least 8 hours, but I barely slept at all. Too much time alone with the hamster in my head running like a crack-fueled lunatic. I wish there was something practical I could offer-- if you think of anything that requires doing, I'm at your service. Beats sitting here crying all day.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Newgirl on May 04, 2017, 08:07:31 PM
What crotchety bastard opened this place up again? I brought some cheap vodka for molotov cocktails, and a paddle with "bitch" embossed on it so we can bitch slap the mortals.

You are loved, Michael.

Receiving your transmission, loud and clear. I'm listening.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 04, 2017, 08:53:29 PM
Yep, it's hell all right. Jenni, so glad we talked. New Girl, you cracked me up at a time when nothing whatsoever is funny. Love to you both.

It's a race to the finish line now for Saturday's big do. My eulogy has been cut down to five minutes; basically, I'll be thanking the church for their big infomercial and secretly handing out my email address so folks can contact me. I've been told there won't be time to actually talk to them at the service.

We'll be off the air until after Saturday night. So grateful there's a bago waiting. Be nice to each other until then, please. And if you can, send some groovy vibes to my son, because I miss him so very very very very much. Cyas!
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: rifatheroffour on May 04, 2017, 09:01:28 PM
I just can't imagine...so very sorry...
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Trying on May 04, 2017, 09:13:19 PM
I'm listening and sending hugs, condolences, and whatever else I can from afar.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on May 04, 2017, 10:01:34 PM
OMG, I was clueless in my previous posts.  Michael I am so sorry.  There are no words.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Lisa on May 05, 2017, 04:28:34 PM
My heart is with you every awful step. I'm so sorry. I will be listening.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Jess on May 05, 2017, 07:57:42 PM
Glad you left my old picture up! Also listening.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: MeAndTheKids on May 05, 2017, 10:32:35 PM
Also listening..
(actually, I came back just for the broadcast)

Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Wheelerswife on May 06, 2017, 08:53:14 AM
Thinking of you today, Michael.  Sending more hugs...

Maureen
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Lisa on May 06, 2017, 04:10:08 PM
You're in my heart. 
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 07, 2017, 10:27:27 AM
We'll no doubt be back in the middle of the night with more of the meaningless bullshit you've come to expect from RH, including a recap of yesterday's big celebration. For now, here's just a few bits of bullshit to get things going again:

1. Shopping list: Kleenex

2. Some quick math: I was 40 years old when Bud came along. He was around for 19 1/2 years. I'm now the ripe old age of 60 (fortunately, widda doesn't have an age limit). I figure it will only be a few more years until I can maybe see Bud (and Marianne) again, so the numbers are sort of working in my favor.

3. Having said that....

There better be some seriously BIG-ASS REWARD waiting when my time finally comes. If there's really nothing but dirt waiting in the end, I'm going to be REALLY REALLY PISSED.

4. Maybe Bud got off easy. With madmen who place no value whatsoever on human life running the show, it probably won't be long until we ALL get to see Bud.

5. Today's agenda includes checking in on Bud's mom. I know something that she doesn't yet realize - they don't come back. Ever. She'll learn way too soon.

Out for now. Go hug a kid.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Jen on May 07, 2017, 10:32:25 AM
I'm going to Wegmans. I'll grab you a couple boxes of Kleenex. (I'm looking for any tangible stupid thing I can do. Sue me.)
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: adp on May 07, 2017, 10:45:04 AM
Michael, I didn't want to be there yesterday, none of us did, you most of all, but I was glad I could be and to be able to give you a hug. I'm sorry I never had the chance to get to know your son; but it was good to see the many beautiful pictures of him and to hear you loving, sweet, eulogy. It was clear he was a very fine young man. Much love and more hugs.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: MissingSquish on May 07, 2017, 10:50:29 AM
Sending much love to you Michael. I have no other words. We are here for you.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Wheelerswife on May 07, 2017, 10:54:05 AM
More hugs from afar...somehow, they seem to temporarily lift the angst a bit.

And as far as Kleenex goes...I much prefer Puffs Plus.

Maureen
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 07, 2017, 08:01:46 PM
(Inspired by hanging with Jenni today):

Deep booming voice: I am DEATH!

Switching to James Woods-type voice: Hi, how ya doin'? Here, take one of my cards, why don't ya?

The card is black (of course) with a cheesy-looking skull and crossbones logo. Embossed in red are the lines:

Death P. Schaeffer
Bringer of Doom, Destroyer of Worlds.
Weddings, Bar Mitzvahs, Funerals
Phone:(800) 666-2017
Email:death47539@gmail.com
Twitter:@therealdeath #jesuswept #suckstobeyou
Like us on Facebook!

On the back is the single word "Boo."
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Lisa on May 07, 2017, 08:50:52 PM
Keep posting when you can. Rest and drink that water. Love you. (Hugs)
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 07, 2017, 09:31:30 PM
Dear Recent Posters (aka long-time listeners): Congratulations, you've all been promoted to MIDDLE MANAGEMENT! Radio Hell salutes you and wishes you good luck with that. We are confident you will move forward with your positions in the usual, most logical way - by bulk-emailing your resumes to every other goddamn place you can think of.

Ok, as promised, here's the recap of yesterday's BIG EVENT. Since this is such a yuge deal, we've chosen to present the highlights to you completely in MIME! We're doing this because:

A) Being quite aware that radio is a SOUND-BASED MEDIUM, it seems kind of appropriate for Hell.
B) Mostly we're just bored as fuck with monologues.

Here we go - listen up!

(Mime enters, indicates a big, majestic room, makes awestruck reaction faces)
(Change to mime dancing and gesturing like a minstrel show singer, mouthing lyrics with a huge grin, rolling eyes and clapping hands joyously)
(Change to mime dropping to his knees and bowing rapidly and deeply over and over)
(Change to mime standing perfectly still, frown on face. Begins thumping his chest and pounding his fist into the other hand. Gestures as if lighting bolts are shooting from his fingers)
(Change to mime suddenly becoming humble, hunching over and mumbling silently)
(Change to mime standing more upright, mouthing words with an apocalyptic look on his face)
(Change back to mime dancing like a minstrel, but more enthusiastically and happily. Big finish as he drops to one knee and spreads his arms wide, grinning broadly, gesturing that we can all applaud now)

Couldn't you just feel the excitement? Bet you wish you'd brought a beach ball or something.

There you have it, now get the fuck out!

But special thanks and love to those who were there. Let's not do this again real soon.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 08, 2017, 10:19:36 AM
WARNING: The following transmission is REALLY REALLY MORBID. Please don't read any further if you don't have the stomach for creepy dialogue. Go. Now.

Are all the normal people gone? Are we absolutely sure??

For those still here, you know what it's like after the service; everyone vanishes as if you never existed. In that deafening silence, all sorts of goofy thoughts come to mind. It has occurred to me that I've never issued any wishes regarding how I'd like my big day to play out, so I'm going to ask those of you who have insisted on staying on the bus to bear witness to the following directive in the event of my annoyingly overdue demise. It's not written in stone (tomb or otherwise), so feel free to modify as you think is appropriate. I trust you.

AFTER I’M GONE – DIRECTIVE OF MICHAEL797

I wish the following to be carried out regarding any services that may take place in the event of my death.

1. There is to be no organized religion of any kind mentioned or implied during the service. Mention of or reference to a Christian god is specifically prohibited. No hymns may be played. Any mention or promotion of the service in an obituary or other public media must state clearly that the service will be non-religious so as to inform/warn possible attendees. Talk of a spiritual/metaphysical nature is fine. Jesus may be mentioned, but not dwelt on.

2. Nothing about the service or the contents of speakers therein should contain information of a financially profitable nature. This directive includes all conditions set forth in Directive 1.

3. Whatever’s left of my body can be discarded as anyone sees fit; either a McDonald’s dumpster or Trump's doorstep seem especially appropriate. Please make sure I’m actually dead first before disposal.

4. I’m not leaving much in the way of audiovisual records, so you’ll have to wing it. Pictures of Bud are plentiful, so maybe someone can find some on my laptop or something to use as a substitute. I'd be happy if he was remembered as well.

5. Below is a suggested agenda of events:

a. Song: “Heavenly Bank Account” – Frank Zappa
b. Introductory remarks as appropriate about the guy you’re sending off.
c. Community joke-telling: I know I didn’t make it easy, since I was spewing out stuff for over sixty years and nearly all of it’s evaporated into space/time. But if you remember anything funny I ever said, please offer it up. I’ll try to whip up some sort of official statement beforehand, but we all know how that goes.
d. A lively discussion of where attendees think I wound up is encouraged. Odds are that I couldn’t possibly be in a worse place.
e. Closing Songs: “This Is Not an Exit” – American Psycho; “For Good” – Wicked.
f. Ingestion of any foodstuffs/beverages/trendy chemicals would make a fitting finale. I promise not to bitch about what you’re consuming.
g. Go forth and try not to be as big a fuckup as I was. I’m happy to act as a bad example as long as you learned something from it.

You're stuck with it now. How many times did I tell you to get out? You only have yourself to blame, you know.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: TooSoon on May 08, 2017, 11:01:20 AM
For what it's worth, Andy and I had a lively discussion about funereal playlists on the way home (inspired by the music at the service, which was perfect, hymns (if you can call them that - hope I can say that) notwithstanding during which Andy informed me that he might leave a playlist or two for me in the "event of."  This made me inquire: "Don't you trust me to make one for you myself?"  To which he replied, firmly and without missing a beat, "No." 

But I have a question.  Am I allowed to do some casual low-level rapturing/waving of lighter during whatever songs you do choose?   Deeply secular low-level rapturing, of course.  Don't even answer because I'm going to do it anyway.....

xoxox
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 08, 2017, 02:28:19 PM
My dearest TS,

As long as the fire codes allow it, you may wave whatever you wish. Frankly, "For Good" is kind of made for that anyway. I admit I hope I get to see you waving for the Zappa song.

Above all, you don't want to leave any of this crap in the hands of total strangers, do you?

Approved!
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Jen on May 08, 2017, 02:53:02 PM
What about karaoke? I've got a few selections in mind...
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 08, 2017, 03:04:28 PM
If one of the songs is "God, I Hate Shakespeare," approved.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Jen on May 08, 2017, 03:14:02 PM
You're a bloody mind reader. Done.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: TooSoon on May 08, 2017, 03:38:51 PM
What about karaoke? I've got a few selections in mind...

I'm in!  But Michael, only if we do that BEFORE you check out as me singing "Brandi Your'e a Fine Girl" or/and (if you're lucky) "Don't Rock the Boat Baby" is a sight to behold.....Listen, I realize these songs don't suit the moment but listening to me sing them is pretty Hellish.  I, too, approve of "God, I Hate Shakespeare," believe it or not.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 08, 2017, 09:08:27 PM
We're back. So glad we're all having so much FUN planning my demise.  :P

Loyal listeners to the previous incarnations of RH know that this is right about the time when the station tends to have a HEAP BIG GRADE A HISSY FIT. Why? Because we notice that about a hundred pairs of eyeballs are tuning in every day now - and our marketing team sincerely doubts that it's the same five people twenty times a day. That means there are OTHER PEOPLE LISTENING. And that means it's time to OPEN UP THE PHONE LINES and listen to YOU for a change.

We know what you're thinking; "There are no words - that's my story and I'm sticking to it." Fair enough, we'll GIVE you some. Here's a poll you can take to let us know how you think we're doing here at dear ol' RH. Just send your responses in a private message (PM) to the station manager and we'll tally the votes. All submissions will be kept confidential. Here comes the poll question:

SO... UM... LIKE... REALLY?
A. Free Bird!
B. You're, like, effed up, 'ight?
C. I was looking for the poetry thread.
D. Must be Hell, who listens to radio?
E. You speak for those of us who don't have voices - and who are too fucked up on Ativan to type.
F. Can I come to the funeral so I can make sure you're DEAD?
G. Other (please specify):

Life is short, so vote today! Hasty lumbago from your fiends at Radio Hell.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: quovadis on May 08, 2017, 09:26:06 PM
(G)
Before you depart, could you fill out an absentee ballot or 2 or 99?
We need more flaming liberal votes in these parts.
Thanks

Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Jen on May 08, 2017, 09:49:50 PM
Well, here's the deal. I keep thinking of things to say, I start to type, then hit delete. It SUCKS. I'm an expert at grieving, but when it comes to supporting a loved one... I'm a novice. I know how to talk to women who've lost babies. I've lost a baby. But it was a clump of tissue, not a real person (NOT TO START AN ARGUMENT WITH ANYONE). It was sad, it hurt, it took time to get over. It's nothing-- NOTHING-- compared to this nightmare.

So it's really, really hard to find anything to say that's not a) painfully repetitive, b) clichéd and deserving of being throat-punched, or c) downright offensive. Doesn't leave too many options, frankly. I'm open to suggestions. Hissy fits are completely welcome, but at this point I don't have much more than "there, there," unless you want a full-blown thread-hijacking rant. Which this is quickly becoming, so I'll stop now.

Also, I hate Free Bird. Not big on poetry these days, either. I love you, though.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: MeAndTheKids on May 09, 2017, 06:36:35 AM
Since your music options (with or without karaoke) are under control I'll step in to handle the food- if you've never made a shiva call (a shiva is the jewish version of a wake) the most noticeable difference is the food.

Its traditional to bring something sweet and round (continuation of life, circle of life, that sort of thing) if you hadnt already sent a food platter.   So were talking an average of one cake coming in with every two or three people.

By tradition the food cant leave the house  unless its going to another house in mourning (except for charitable donation )  so after a week the house looks like the sorcerers apprentice went beserk at a bakery.
So- any favorite you'd limlike e to see featured? (Stick to soft favorites- me and the rest of the guests would like to be very old with failing teeth when this shindig goes down)
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 09, 2017, 09:02:10 AM
Now we're rolling! Let's do some VIEWER MAIL.

(G)
Before you depart, could you fill out an absentee ballot or 2 or 99?
We need more flaming liberal votes in these parts.
Thanks

Bud's best friend's parents are both Russian Muslim doctors. I met them on Saturday; with tears rolling down their faces, they told me how Bud used to play with their autistic son. Nobody blew up the church on Saturday; maybe you can't fit a bomb in a tailored suit or something.

I'll do you one better, QV. I'll change my voting status to "Van full of illegal Muslim transgender Freedom Caucus supporters who don't have health care." That should keep 'em guessing, eh?
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: sojourner on May 09, 2017, 09:05:37 AM
Michael797, I am so, so sorry for your new loss! Beyond mind-boggling. :'(
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 09, 2017, 09:09:29 AM
By tradition the food cant leave the house  unless its going to another house in mourning (except for charitable donation )  so after a week the house looks like the sorcerers apprentice went beserk at a bakery.
So- any favorite you'd limlike e to see featured? (Stick to soft favorites- me and the rest of the guests would like to be very old with failing teeth when this shindig goes down)

Approved on many levels. A field trip sorta sounds nice, weather permitting. I'll trust you with texture choices as I'll be through with chewing.

Better yet, maybe we can make it a costume party. If you show up dressed as a Hasidic Rebbe, I'll push to get you a seat next to the Big G when it's your turn.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 09, 2017, 09:13:14 AM
Michael797, I am so, so sorry for your new loss! Beyond mind-boggling. :'(

Mind-boggling indeed. As you can see, I'm now a babbling idiot. I feel your pain and can tell that you feel mine. Truly sorry about that.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 09, 2017, 09:29:58 AM
So it's really, really hard to find anything to say that's not a) painfully repetitive, b) clichéd and deserving of being throat-punched, or c) downright offensive. Doesn't leave too many options, frankly. 

You already know where I'm going to go next, don't you?

Today's sermon is about stupidity. In the aftermath of Bud's passing, all sorts of issues that everybody's been dragging around for so long are being resolved. I've resolved decades-old crap with my family. People that have rained shit on me for my entire life are being stood up to. Bud's mom has told me that everything she thought she knew seems wrong now (not that it was), and she's reinventing herself. All this great and powerful stuff is being wiped away, presumably for once and for all. Sounds good, right?

Nope, it's incredibly fucking stupid. We didn't all become demigods all of a sudden; we didn't inherit magical powers from a spider bite. We're still just human - which means we could've fixed all of this crap all along. It didn't take a tragedy of biblical proportions to make our lives better; we could've just clicked our heels together and dealt with stuff.

I propose a new gospel - where everyone learns to go forth and fix their shit before they have to. It could change the course of destinies and save you boatloads of regret if something really mind-boggling happens.

Just throwing it out there.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 09, 2017, 10:01:49 AM
This just in - a vote has been cast for A) Free Bird. Here in Pennsylvania (or what I like to call "North Arkansas"), that song has been played at more funerals than "Amazing Grace." Go check it out on YouTube. Or don't.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Monique on May 09, 2017, 12:03:09 PM
I second the vote for Free Bird. Even though (or maybe because) it makes me cry now.

So sorry for your loss(es) Michael.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 09, 2017, 12:09:04 PM
Sorry for yours as well, Monique. Playing Free Bird right now just for you. You don't have to listen; we'll play it real quietly.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: MeAndTheKids on May 09, 2017, 02:41:38 PM
Ditch Lynard Skynard and go with Claptons- Tears in Heaven;  a real 3-tissue box song
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: MissingSquish on May 09, 2017, 05:29:58 PM
This just in - a vote has been cast for A) Free Bird. Here in Pennsylvania (or what I like to call "North Arkansas"), that song has been played at more funerals than "Amazing Grace." Go check it out on YouTube. Or don't.

I prefer "Free Falling". But you need to sing the lyrics like this:

"Free BALLING".  As in you're going commando.

No, that's not a typo. Carry on. Sorry to interject with my ridiculous humor.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on May 09, 2017, 06:05:24 PM
OMG that's hillarious MS.  Michael, are you up for it? OK now we are out there.  MS started it!
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Jen on May 09, 2017, 06:16:06 PM
Here in Pennsylvania (or what I like to call "North Arkansas"), that song has been played at more funerals than "Amazing Grace."

I would like to humbly suggest you go with "North Alabama" instead. We do have some semblance of civilization out here-- theatre and art and radio stations that play something other than all Lynard Skynard, all the time. Just sayin.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 09, 2017, 09:21:11 PM
It's HELL, we have to offend somebody! Ok, not you. Let's go with "Hell West" or something like that.

To be honest, I'm having trouble listening to any music right now. Carry on.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Wheelerswife on May 09, 2017, 09:29:25 PM
Who can listen to music when this country is such a mess?  When one of a list of things keeps going wrong?  When dear people die on us?  I try to listen...then shut down.

Xoxo

Maureen
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Jen on May 09, 2017, 09:30:43 PM
Weirdly enough, I keep humming selections from Sideshow. Maybe because being in hell makes me feel like a freak?
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on May 09, 2017, 10:00:14 PM
Being in hell makes us all feel weird doesn't it or is it just me.  My favorite hockey team won tonight. does that help.  Oh Hell what difference does it make anyway.  We need some music! Where did the dj go?  RH Manager are you slacking again? Am I going to have to change the dial?  Awe shit..what is this world coming too.   <3
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Sandi1970 on May 09, 2017, 10:54:24 PM
Hey there!
Yes yes yes Free bird & definitely Zappa
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 10, 2017, 08:16:17 AM
Sorry for delays. The Widz/Bereaved Parents World Tour is hitting the road today cheering up other people. We'll be back later with more random madness. In the meantime, due to popular demand, we're putting Free Bird on a continuous loop. Cyas later.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 10, 2017, 09:16:22 PM
We're back, sort of. As previously mentioned, we were on the road with lots of visitation - including landing at Bud's mom right on top of a crisis. It seems the funeral home had delivered Bud's cremains just minutes before, so we arrived just in time to defuse another major meltdown. Good timing, yes?

Anyway, tomorrow is another big day for slightly different reasons. By tomorrow night, we may be reporting the acquisition of a YUGE WORLD-RENOWNED SPONSOR. It should be pretty exciting, so we'll give you more details as soon as we have them.

For now, we wish you all a pleasant and nightmare-free evening. Over and out from Radio Hell.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Jen on May 11, 2017, 03:11:26 AM
This station needs a graveyard DJ. It's 3 am out here in West Hell, well and truly the witching hour. Creepy thoughts galore, despair lurking in the corners. Anyone else out there hoping for a call in show?
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 12, 2017, 08:40:15 AM
Sorry for the delays, but - you know, life and stuff. Since this is the first weekend since Ground Zero, we may or may not be doing any live broadcasts for the next few days. But before we put the mp3 player on autopilot, we'll put up a few broadcasts to cover the interim.

One is a rerun from way back in September of 2014 when your humble station manager was only about six weeks out; you'll note the complete lack of style, finesse, or anything else that humans sometimes possess. It may inspire some discussion, which is still not a terrible thing. Feel free to post your comments.

The other is a blob of fresh snark resulting from recent events. Hopefully, none of it will mean anything to you, but you're free to use any of it as you see fit.

From Radio Hell, have a weekend.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 12, 2017, 08:43:05 AM
Original airdate: September 9, 2014

In spite of all better judgment, Radio Hell is back. And today’s transmission is not for the squeamish (or easily bored). Today we take on the very stuff of life itself in our first segment of “Point/No Point.”

Today’s topic: Is There a Point?

You’re widowed. The other half of your very soul has been snatched from your loving arms. You’ve lost the right to be loved, to be touched, even to be looked at. You’ve become a five-year-old child who somehow got separated from his/her parents at the store. You’re lonely and terrified. But nobody’s calling the courtesy desk to reunite you with your lost lover.

In the aftermath, you distract yourself as best you can – but as soon as the distraction ends, all the sorrow comes flooding back as if it never left. You don’t know what to believe anymore. There isn’t a bumper sticker on earth that has the answer to your problem.

You’re asking yourself “What’s the point of all the pain, the desolate isolation, the absence of human contact, the sleepless nights?”

And that’s a very good question to ask.

Is there a point to living after loss, or isn’t there? Does life have a purpose, or is it just a random bunch of stuff that means nothing in the end?

Let’s examine your options.

POINT:
You’ve decided that there is a purpose to life. Your spouse’s death was a test, sort of a purification process. Everybody loses someone eventually; it was simply your turn.

Perhaps you believe in a higher power. Your body is like a vehicle that gets your spirit from one place to another. Even if your car becomes totaled in some unfortunate accident, or perhaps simply rusts away from old age, it doesn’t mean you’re done driving.

Someday you’ll be reunited with your departed lover. In fact, they’ll be waiting for you in the light. The two of you will get to shoot pool with Ben Franklin while you listen to Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and two of the Beatles (three, if you think John buried Paul) wailing on the stage. You’ll swoon to Sinatra or indulge in debate with Einstein and Newton. All you have to do is stay pure of heart and take better care of yourself. Be patient, and be kind and sympathetic to all your fellow souls. You will find your redemption, and it will be worth the wait. All are equal in the eyes of your Lord.

Perhaps you believe that everything happens for a reason. Your bereavement is part of your destiny. You’re spiritual, but you don’t buy the thought of a Gandalf-looking supreme being with a long white robe and beard (or a little old man with a Hofner cigar, for that matter). You were with your spouse to learn about love. Now that you understand what true love is, perhaps you’ll recognize it if it comes again. You’ll take the lessons you learned and use them with someone else. You won’t be alone or lonely for much longer. Fate has more in store for you; all you have to do is be there to receive it. You will be with your lover again, but it will be much more evolved; it will be deeper than what earthbound life allows.

Perhaps you believe there’s a point to life, but it’s not redemption. Perhaps you feel that your loss is some sort of punishment, that you’re steeped in bad karma. It is not your lot to be happy in this life anymore; your only hope is in the next one. You’re simply paying off your eternal debt.

NO POINT:
You’ve decided that there’s nothing after this life. There is neither fate nor destiny. You’re in for the dirt nap, you’re going boots up, you’re worm food, your next stop is the ashtray.

So where do you go from widowhood?

Perhaps you go through an appropriate period of mourning – then you explode back into life. You decide that your time here really is too short; you have no intention of wandering the earth as a vagrant ghost, always observing but no longer LIVING.

After all, nothing ever drops into your lap, does it? It’s life’s cruelest joke; the more you need something, the less likely you are to receive it. There are no miracles. There’s no divine intervention, no rest for the weary. You decide that life must be sought after and taken. Who cares if you make a few mistakes on the way? Who dares to judge you? Nobody! You’ve paid your dues, you’ve stared death in the face and survived. You plan to live again, love again, and make every second count. You’re grateful for the good times, yet you have so much more to share. Your new life begins now.

Or perhaps your period of mourning isn’t going away. You really put all your eggs in one basket, didn’t you? Your spouse was everything – and now you have nothing. And you’re completely unprepared for life now; you’re paralyzed by fear. You’re incapable of choosing anything. You suffer in silence as life slips away. You find no redemption, and you’ve stopped looking. Your party is over and you’re stuck with the check. You’re not ok with that, but you’ll never be ok with anything ever again.
There is no point to anything anymore. You simply wait for death to take you. Perhaps you decide not to wait.

One way or another, you have to make a choice. What do you choose? There WILL be a test. In fact, you’re taking it right now.

As always, Radio Hell welcomes opposing viewpoints. Today’s transmission was sponsored by the Society for Octo-Polarity. And special thanks to Jims_Jen for proofreading and acolyte duties.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 12, 2017, 09:25:27 AM
People are strange when you’re a stranger. And nowhere else is that truer than when people approach you after your loss. In keeping with our policy of public disservice, RH would like to offer up some of the comments we here at the station have heard over the past few weeks, followed by some of the replies we wisely kept to our own damn selves. It is our hope that you won’t relate to any of them.

TOP TEN OR SO THINGS FOLKS MIGHT SAY TO THE BEREAVED

1.   “It takes time.” - Ok, see you in 20 years; I should be fine by then, right?

2.   “God never gives you more than you can handle.” - Yes, he does – that’s exactly WHAT he does.
2a.   God did this to test my faith? Tell him I failed big-time.

3.   “(Your dear departed) is everywhere now.” - Everywhere except right where I left him, here on earth.

4.   “You’ll see him again.” - If you know so much, what was he wearing when he hit the pole?

5.   “Want to get drunk?” - Absolutely. Waking up in a dumpster would enrich this situation so much more.

6.   “God loves you.” - Yeah, like Glenn Close loved Michael Douglas in Fatal Attraction.

7.   “I’ll call you when things have calmed down.” – Given how far you’re about to run to get away from me, a phone call is probably logical.

8.   “Sorry for your loss.” - Apology accepted, but you better not ever lose anything of mine again.

9.   “God called him home.” - So God can use a telephone, but he doesn’t know shit about email?

10.   “Have you thought about adoption?” - No, but I bet your parents did.

11.   “There are no words.” - Actually, there are. “Anytime, anywhere, for any reason at all. If you need me, ask me.”

NOTE: None of the above applies to widow/ers. They get it. We promise. TTFN from RH.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Jen on May 12, 2017, 10:30:57 AM
Ohhhhh, I remember this one very well. I still haven't successfully resolved the question, but at three years out, maybe I can stand to get a little philosophical.  I guess you could say I took option 4: ingest a lot of antidepressants, get good and numb, and hope it all goes away. Life in hell becomes existence in purgatory... eh, you get used to it.

But I have to say that this is a timely topic. For some time now I've been asking myself, "What comes next?" I have no idea-- none, zip, zilch. I was up at 4 am pondering this, in fact, but I'm no closer to an answer. Nothing I wanted out of life is relevant anymore. That's not all bad; it means I've accomplished what I intended. So I can go, right? All done?

Nope. In the course of achieving my various ends, I've acquired certain... obligations. Family. A few friends. Not a lot, but enough to keep me here for the time being. Truth to tell, it really bites sometimes.

Okay, so I'm here. Looking down the barrel of-- what, thirty, forty years? More? (Not less, obviously. Life is not guaranteed to any of us, I realize-- now more than ever-- but I couldn't get that lucky.) How do I fill that time-- productively, if not exactly happily?

Good damn question. I'm drifting along waiting for lightning to strike, for screaming klaxons, for something. I know, I know, I'm supposed to be responsible for my own future, but I wouldn't mind a few hints.

My therapist intimated to me yesterday that she doesn't feel I need regularly scheduled sessions anymore-- "just check-ins now and again." Does that mean I'm fixed? Or at least Beyond Active Grieving? Past the acute stage and into the chronic, maybe, because we all know that it never goes away. Mostly I just feel... empty.

So, yeah, what's the point? Keep breathing, keep being useful in some way. Keep hoping for better, some would no doubt add, but I'm not among them; whatever hope I had for resuscitation or renewal is long gone. I have no idea what happens now, what possible purpose my life can have beyond the standard obligations. I'd like to think there's something down the road-- this long, long road-- but I've lost any capacity I ever had to imagine what it could be.

Those are my singularly unhelpful thoughts. My apologies-- they're probably better left unspoken. You'll have to look elsewhere for sentiments like "this can only make you stronger" and "it'll be okay in the end," but commiseration and a sounding board? That I've got.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Eddienhp on May 12, 2017, 10:43:11 AM
So sorry. You have been dealt way too much.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Monique on May 13, 2017, 01:09:35 PM
Yes to #2a and 8.

Thanks for keeping this going. It makes me feel less alone. Hopefully it does for you too.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on May 13, 2017, 01:30:15 PM
Can I add to that list?
#12.  "He's in a better place" - really not as far as I am concerned, a better place would be here with me.
#13.  "Everything happens for a reason". I hate that one. Lucky 13 eh.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 15, 2017, 08:38:00 AM
Having survived the weekend (barely) and the power outage (someone unplug a cord yesterday morning?) Radio Hell is back, reminding you that things can always get worse.

The Japanese have a tradition called Kanreki, which loosely means second childhood. When you turn 60 years old in Japan, you wear a red hat and/or vest to signify that your second life has just begun; you're considered a kid again. Isn't that kinda cool?

Here in the states, we honor our children (depending on your political affiliation), but we don't hire them. Suffice it to say that your humble station manager has been income-less since the beginning of the year. That may change with an exciting opportunity to work for the good folks at Starbucks; I'm basically hanging around the phone in the hope that they call by tomorrow as originally promised.

All of us here at the station are hoping you'll send some vibes our way so we can land this job and take our shot at Kanreki. Please send your auras in care of Radio Hell - and thanks in advance for the karma. We'll keep you posted.

And thanks for the responses to our previous broadcasts; we love us some feedback!

If anyone needs us, we'll be at the storage unit looking for shit to sell on eBay. Laters.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 16, 2017, 09:04:15 AM
We're back. Some progress has been made, one might say. I actually got through a night without a nightmare. Given that the past few weeks have consisted of replays of the car crash mixed in with various scenarios where I'm being shot at by SWAT teams, last night might be considered sort of a huge deal.

None of this, btw, is meant to scrounge for pity. It's just residual psychic garbage that tends to pile up unless there's a nice big hole to regurgitate it into. This thread is my landfill, and as long as it's here, no pity is required.

So let's move forward (or something) and bring up the role of FAMILY in the healing process. Judging by some of the threads popping up here of late, family can be a questionable source of comfort for the bereaved. Many of you have experienced whatever-the-opposite-of-comfort-is at the hands of your blood kin. Impressively, sometimes your family can shock you even when you were convinced that nothing could ever shock you again.

There’s an appropriate quote floating out there that says something like “Your friends are the family that you choose for yourself; your family are the strangers that you grew up with.” I’d put my two sisters up against the strangest members of your family any day of the week. Example: I mentioned to my sisters on Mothers’ Day that I had applied for a job at Starbucks. After a solid barrage of comments along the lines of “There are plenty of jobs out there!” (No, there aren’t), “Starbucks doesn’t pay anything.” (Actually, it’s not that terrible and they offer health insurance and college), and “You might as well just go to McDonald’s.” (which is sort of true), they both looked at each other and, in unison, came to the conclusion that it was my destiny to be a Manager at Burger King.

Nothing against the hardworking employees of Burger King or the foodstuffs they offer, but I would assume that the franchise would be more likely to hire managers with something resembling managerial experience. But my sisters were undaunted, insisting that Burger King will train anyone to be a manger, including me. They PERSONALLY KNEW A GUY who went through management training at Burger King and is now living a FULFILLED LIFE (at about 36 grand a year). Sounds sweet, doesn’t it? When I left, they were both chanting “Manager at Burger King!” to the tune of “No Wire Hangers!”

I got a text from one of them this morning; “Have you checked out Burger King yet?”

Folks, with that kind of support, how can you go wrong? No, I didn’t tell them about my nightmares; I’m sure that would convince themselves that all my sleepless nights would be cured with a liberal dose of Whoppers.

Let’s end this transmission with one last quote. “All in all, you’re just another brick in the wall.”

Better luck to you, dear listeners. Laters from Radio Hell.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 16, 2017, 09:18:40 AM
Bonus Rerun Transmission - because whatever. Original airdate: 10/19/14, sort of modified.

Here are the latest transmissions (there’s something REALLY WRONG with that radio):

15. Saw this old, old man, all hunched over and with a cane, hobbling into a restaurant, and thought “lucky bastard.”

16. Where did all my friends go? Do I have the smell of death ON me or something?

17. Is it possible to be octo-polar?

18. You couldn't at least give me the lottery numbers in a dream?

19. I bet she's hanging out with Robin Williams and Joan Rivers. I'm jealous.

20. I wonder if you could get thrown out of a grief group for “bringing everyone down too much.”

21. Here’s the problem. You were intending on spending the rest of your life with this person because he or she taught you what love really is; love works best when it’s being transferred back and forth between two people. It’s that constant flow from one to the other that builds up that energy, that euphoria. And you think that now that you’ve found that person to give and receive all of that love with, you’re going to be able to feel that bliss forever and ever and ever….

And then suddenly the other person’s gone. And now you have this huge backup of love that you’ve been collecting and growing… and suddenly you have absolutely nowhere to go with it.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 16, 2017, 08:24:18 PM
We're back with more bitching. And bitching about bitching. And bitching about that.

That's pretty much the inherent problem with anger; it's the most flammable of the emotions. It burns up all your oxygen and just sorta leaves you with a fuse that pathetically fizzles out.

And when it's all just a smoldering pile of shit, you're right back where you started - with nothing but that searing pain and those horrible flashbacks.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross - nothing against her personally. I do have to laugh that when you google her name, you get results about how she had second thoughts about the whole five stages thing SHORTLY BEFORE HER DEATH. Wonder which ones she questioned....

Ask any widow - they would tell you that she missed about sixty-seven more stages. What about paralysis? Despair? Loss of meaning? Disorientation? Aversion to sunlight? Jealousy of other, happier people? Thoughts of suicide? You could say the same thing about meth, but at least the effect from meth is temporary.

Ah, but I've been here before, and I know this ride's just beginning. Gonna need to do some serious venting somewhere....

Um, oh. Sorry, do carry on.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 18, 2017, 01:16:17 PM
Today's Horoscope: Pisces

"Your day may include a bit of friction, Pisces. You may encounter rude people and frustrating situations. Your day may not go according to plan. Even so, you need to summon your inner warrior in a peaceful way, and react with patience, understanding, tolerance, and compassion. If you do, your day will be much better than it might be otherwise. And it will also pave the way for a sweeter tomorrow. In fact, the reactions you choose today can have a powerful impact on all of your days ahead."

LOL! Now that's funny. If there was ever advice that required ripping to shreds, there it is. Let's begin!

All day long, people have been texting me with that mind-numbing question, "How are you doing?"

Let's see: my son, my reason for living whatever life I had, is a pile of ashes sitting on his mother's mantle. I'm going through storage piling up all the things that he won't inherit. The trees are all weird, ugly colors, there's no point to anything anymore, and there's no way to get any of it back.

Of course, all that crap won't fit in a text box, so they're eating static today. Not replying to any of it is about as patient as it's going to get for a VERY LONG TIME.

I sure hope tomorrow's horoscope says "You're going to die today and see your son again."

How about a little compassion for the bereaved for a change, huh? How about a day where I don't have to lie to or console anyone else? Just one day, maybe?

Doesn't work that way, does it? Nope, folks still need to have the old dancing monkey that they thought they knew and loved. Shame he died 2 1/2 weeks ago, too. And, like his son, he's not coming back again ever. We place too much attachment on the body when the only thing worth shit is what's inside. Maybe all of my "friends" can just get together and rip my body apart looking for the other guy. It has the virtue of being a different way to go.

Somehow I think they'll be getting static for breakfast tomorrow as well. RH, O&O.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Mizpah on May 18, 2017, 03:21:23 PM
I'm so sorry, Michael.  Bearing the unbearable.  There are no words.  I'm thinking of you, for whatever it's worth, and I know right now: not much. 
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Jen on May 18, 2017, 05:15:23 PM
.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Lisa on May 19, 2017, 01:50:44 PM
Such agony. I'm sorry Michael.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: oneoftwo on May 19, 2017, 04:29:21 PM
Michael797-
your posts are some of the hardest and most cathartic I've ever read.
You have "the gift of the gab", and it is helping alot of us.
I hope it is also helping you.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: MissingSquish on May 19, 2017, 08:39:09 PM
There is nothing much I can say here aside from fuck everything.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 20, 2017, 10:34:18 AM
There is nothing much I can say here aside from fuck everything.

Funny you should say that. I spent last night reading all 25 pages of the "Fuck You" thread. I found it both heart-ripping and inspiring. Here's my list, kept a safe distance from people who actually care about recovering:

1.   Fuck today being three weeks and that’s roughly the number of people who still give a fuck that my son is dead.

2.   A FUCK of biblical proportions to the fact that he died alone at 4 in the morning.

3.   Fuck funeral parlors and all their theatrical bullshit.

4.   Fuck the afterlife and all the pointless, stupid, unanswered questions like “If your baby dies, will it still be a baby in Heaven?”

5.   Fuck all religions. There are as many churches as there are Chinese restaurants, and every fucking one of them pushes a different god with different rules of who’s worthy and who’s not. Fuck their propaganda and may they vomit into their collection plates.

6.   Fuck any minister who owns more than one suit.

7.   Fuck FAITH. What’s there to have faith in?

8.   Fuck that man has made god in his image instead of the other way around.

9.   Fuck the Westboro Baptist Church for all eternity for claiming that they’re doing god’s work when all they do is show up at funerals and sue anyone who denies their “free speech.” Fuck those monsters.

10.   Fuck being liberal – where did that get me? My son was more liberal than I was and he’s dead.

11.   Fuck-directly-to-hell anyone who would think that my son deserved to die because he actually wanted to care about people and make sure they were educated and fed.

12.   Fuck our baboon-in-chief for being the most repulsive, psychotic, ignorant man-child on earth. Fuck anyone who believed his lies just because they wanted some population to be exterminated. Fuck anyone who called him a “successful businessman” even though there isn’t a financial institution in America who would do business with him. Fuck that he’s NEVER EVER suffered. Fuck him for not giving even the most remote of fucks for another single human life. Fuck him and his worshippers. Fuck them forever.

13.   Fuck Democrats for not having any sense of direction. How hard could it be to run on a platform of feeding and educating people? Fuck them for fucking it up.

14.   FUCK AYN RAND and her “survival of the fittest” bullshit. Fuck anyone who thinks that’s a good idea.

15.   Fuck anyone who thinks being ignorant is a career choice. Fuck people who think intelligence is a deformity.

16.   Fuck being sixty and worthless. I’m an old white guy – where’s that getting me? I’m excluded from every club.

17.   Fuck money! Fuck not being able to even afford going to a homeless shelter.

18.   Fuck all of the stuff that I saved of his over the years. Fuck that none of it will ever mean anything again.

19.   Fuck my family. Fuck my sisters for waiting around for my mother to die just for a couple of bucks. And fuck my mother for enjoying trying to destroy what’s left of me with the dementia-riddled venom that spews from her mouth whenever I see her.

20.   Fuck having nothing to care about anymore.

21.   Fuck all the agonizing hours I spent wondering if my son would even survive on this shithole of a planet. Fuck that there are worse things than death in America now.

22.   Fuck that nothing brings me pleasure anymore. Fuck that life has lost all its meaning.

23.   Fuck people who don’t “get” death. Fuck people who run from it. Fuck people who think two weeks is enough. Fuck happiness – it’s a dream, people!

24.   Fuck that people we love are dying and we’re not allowed to know where they went. That’s the stupidest thing ever!

25.   A big fat MEGA-FUCK to anyone who claims to see what’s going on “behind the veil” and will tell you for a dollar. FUCK ANYONE who would exploit the bereaved. That is a Trump-level bunch of sick shit.

Well, that felt truly horrible - guess it worked.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 21, 2017, 08:55:16 AM
While we're trying to sort out the meaning of life, here's another blast from the past. Originally dated 11/25/14:

The Top 10 Perks of Being Newly Widowed

10. ‘Bagos!

9. When someone tells you to “get over it” or “toughen up,” you can look them right in the eye and say “Yeah, that’ll work!

8. You now have so many pillows that the cats are inviting their friends over for parties.

7. You follow more TV shows than the FCC.

6. You can have all the pizza and ice cream you want – and you don’t have to clean up afterwards.

5. You can watch the look of horror come over people’s faces when you tell them.

4. Laundry day is only once a month.

3. You're allowed to chalk damn near anything up to "widow brain."

2. You can choose a screen name for the board like “TheSunWillNeverEverEverShineAgainInABillionYears.”

1. When it happens to someone else, you’ll know exactly what to say to them.

Happy Holidays from Radio Hell – dousing your fires and raining on your parades since 2014.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 21, 2017, 08:58:54 AM
Another, dated 12/07/14. What will YOU do about the holidays? Best to plan ahead.

Radio Hell is back with the first of our oh-so-extra-special transmissions for the impending holidays.

As you know, it’s been our long-standing policy to discourage folks from coming here; yet those of you who have nothing left to lose still somehow wind up taking that left turn at Albuquerque and landing smack-dab in the center of our frying pan like a flapjack.

In the interest of simple human decency, we’re going to try yet again to keep you from ever wanting to come back. In our latest attempt, we take on PSYCHICS.

(Yep, the exit’s just up there in the upper-left corner. Thank you for leaving.)

Cable channels are packed with shows hosted by people claiming to have exclusive insight into the great beyond. We’ve had everything from Ghost Hunters to the Long Island Medium conveniently delivered into our homes. All of these gifted beings immodestly brag that they can provide the secrets of the afterlife within 42 minutes (with time out for commercials). Yes, it would appear that spirits will pose for pictures and provide sound bites.

What are we meant to know about the afterlife? Is it truly possible to punch a hole through the veil to see the other side? Will there be a McDonald’s there?

Radio Hell presents – with no joy whatsoever - The Top 10 Things a Psychic Will Say to the Bereaved.

10. I completely understand how you’re feeling. I’m here to help you.

9. Yes, I accept MasterCard. I also give discounts for cash.

8. I sense you’re…. distressed about something.

7. All the others are frauds; I’m the only real one out there who can actually communicate with the departed.

6. I do parties and group events.

5. Your husband’s name was Bob…. No, Jim…. No, David…. Yes, David.
5A. Yes, of course his name was Milton – but he liked to be called David.

4. Perhaps you saw me on Joan Rivers or Jerry Springer.

3. Sessions with me make great gifts.

2. I need you to be completely open to the experience. If you have any skepticism, we will achieve nothing here today.

1. All I need is your full name and birthdate. Yes, I need the year in order to fine-tune the spirits.

Special Bonus Item:
1A. For another $50, I can tell you even more.

Special Note: At least half of the items above came from websites of actual psychics – including #1. Radio Hell, as always, is truly sorry for your loss; we only ask that you please grieve responsibly.

See you next time.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 21, 2017, 10:21:43 PM
Some bumper stickers from 2015. I still like 7, 7a, 11, & 12.

1. Red, bled, and dead – nobody rides free.

2. My other car is a Hearse.

3. If you can read this, you’re about to meet my spouse.

4. This vehicle stops at all widowbagos.

5. Warning: driver has widow brain

6. 10-4, dead buddy.

7. You have NO idea how fucking lucky you are.

7a. Try raising three honor students by yourself!

8. My baby’s in Heaven, but I went to Hell

9. I brake for hysterical sobbing.

10. Heaven took back the angel it was missing.

11. I have no idea where I’m going.

12. Happy people suck.

Bonus stickers:

13. Follow me – to my therapy session.

14. I went through all the grief stages seven times before the first traffic light.

15. This car stereo’s tuned to Radio Hell (shameless promotion)

16. Another morning of mourning.

17. It’s a widow thing – be grateful you don’t understand.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: adp on May 22, 2017, 08:01:27 AM
Michael took Radio Hell on the road yesterday. Thanks for coming over, it was good to see you.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 22, 2017, 08:13:34 AM
Michael took Radio Hell on the road yesterday. Thanks for coming over, it was good to see you.

For nearly three years now, I've been wishing there was some sort of "halfway house" where wids and other bereaved folks could just be with each other in a safe space until they got their shit together. You've provided the missing piece of the puzzle - your place would be perfect! How soon can all 1,400 of us move in?

PS: You might want to run this by TS first.

PSS: Truly grateful for your time yesterday, adp. Thank you.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 22, 2017, 08:45:38 AM
For Monique and anyone else who's listening. Cobbled together from bits first posted January of 2015:

1. Here’s the problem. You were intending on spending the rest of your life with this person because he or she taught you what love really is; love works best when it’s being transferred back and forth between two people. It’s that constant flow from one to the other that builds up that energy, that euphoria. And you think that now that you’ve found that person to give and receive all of that love with, you’re going to be able to feel that bliss forever and ever and ever….

And then suddenly the other person’s gone. And now you have this huge backup of love that you’ve been collecting and growing… and suddenly you have absolutely nowhere to go with it.

And you’re feeling actual physical and emotional pain because it’s so built up inside of you. If you could only, somehow, someway, release some of it - even just a tiny bit of it….

2. Looking back on those posts from MY perspective, they look like someone was just emptying out the cerebral garbage. It's a mental exhaust pipe spewing out monoxide. It has to get dumped somewhere or it will just pile up. But none of it is changing anything; it's not making me feel better.

And that right there is the entire problem.

It's not the head that's going to pull me through this.

It's the heart.

To me, love - understanding - healing - that stuff doesn't happen in a vacuum. It has to be circulated. It cannot simply arise from nothing or just lay there; it has to be spread.

So every time someone comes forth and simply says "I get it," or "Thank you," it's like they're taking a teeny piece of their heart - their compassion - and gently handing it over.

And then, of course, I immediately go scrambling. "Wait, wait... I know I have a piece left for you, too! Here!"

And then I feel better.

It's not the head, it's the heart.

The transmissions will continue until morale improves, so to speak.

But it takes a village to raise an idiot - and THIS idiot is gonna need as much help as he can get.

Your replies mean very much to me - and I hope you know why now. Thank you.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 22, 2017, 09:02:14 AM
What the hell, one more. From January 2015 - and this one's interactive!

Ten Things You Can Say to Someone Who Thinks You're Spending too Damned Much Time on the Widda Board:

1. I’m doing my best to work through the grief – why don’t you work on sympathy?

2. There’s nearly 1,500 of us here; do you really want to piss that many people off?

3. At least on the board, people actually LISTEN.

4. If you have any ideas on how to beat death, now’s a good time.

5. You’re right – let’s sit around and listen to love songs.

6. Ever wonder what it’s like to drown while other people are swimming circles around you? My life is kinda like that.

7. I think things are going to be about ME for a while; does that not fit in your agenda?

8. At least I’m not as bad as that guy on the Radio Hell thread.

9. No matter what time limit you set, I’m going to need to extend it.

10. Here’s a quiz; why don’t you watch me take it?

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/grief-quiz.htm
 (https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/grief-quiz.htm)
Maybe we should post our scores like those mattress commercials do. I got a 66.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: adp on May 22, 2017, 09:08:17 AM
Michael took Radio Hell on the road yesterday. Thanks for coming over, it was good to see you.

For nearly three years now, I've been wishing there was some sort of "halfway house" where wids and other bereaved folks could just be with each other in a safe space until they got their shit together. You've provided the missing piece of the puzzle - your place would be perfect! How soon can all 1,400 of us move in?

PS: You might want to run this by TS first.

Maybe I should just go ahead and do this while she's out of the country?
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: TooSoon on May 22, 2017, 09:59:44 AM
Michael took Radio Hell on the road yesterday. Thanks for coming over, it was good to see you.

For nearly three years now, I've been wishing there was some sort of "halfway house" where wids and other bereaved folks could just be with each other in a safe space until they got their shit together. You've provided the missing piece of the puzzle - your place would be perfect! How soon can all 1,400 of us move in?

PS: You might want to run this by TS first.

Maybe I should just go ahead and do this while she's out of the country?

Have you experienced our basement yet?!?!?!  I'll expect you all to be there in the "widow cave" when I get back.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on May 22, 2017, 10:22:23 AM
Um... shit, our cover's blown.

Just think of it, TS - what could say "Welcome home!" quite like a house full of pathologically grief-stricken folks playing Uno in your dining room?

Fine, we'll wait. It's what we do.

Just get home safely, ok?
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Monique on May 22, 2017, 11:11:31 AM
A widow house? I'm in! Sounds like exactly what I need right now.

And I got a 53.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on May 22, 2017, 11:57:05 AM
Me too!! Thanks TS and adp!  When can we all arrive?
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Newgirl on May 22, 2017, 02:23:07 PM
40!!! Oh wait, that's not supposed to be a good grade...
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Jen on May 22, 2017, 02:45:28 PM
54. And my therapist says I'm doing better.

Hell: the gift that keeps giving. FML. I don't guess I can get a bunk in the halfway house?
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: TooSoon on May 22, 2017, 02:49:44 PM
We might have the world's grooviest 1967 basement and it is definitely not being used up to its full potential.  Hey, its not our own oft-discussed widows' island but for starters, it has patterned carpet, a padded vinyl bar, a fireplace and Art (ie. vintage macrame wall hangings and girlie paint by numbers).  It definitely has potential.  Come one, come all!
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on May 22, 2017, 04:31:55 PM
TS the room kind of sounds great, off the wall sort of atmosphere, I think we may all fit in just fine if you get my drift? ;)
"Come one, come all", you could be sorry you said that LOL
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: donswife on May 23, 2017, 07:05:16 AM
a widow house sounds brilliant , I'll bring my sleeping bag
I got a 55 on the quiz
complicated grief ....No shit , Sherlock
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Mrskro on May 23, 2017, 08:34:29 AM
45 on the quiz, I'll echo Donswife.  No shit, Sherlock.

I'm in on the widow house!  I'll bring my sleeping bag and snacks  :)
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Lisa on May 23, 2017, 11:22:02 AM
i got a 34 and they say it is complicated. i wonder what the hell my score would have been 7 years ago?
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: bromans on May 23, 2017, 12:11:30 PM
To give you an idea Lisa, I got 57. They should add a new level. I'm thinking "unimaginable, soul-crushing grief"
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Monique on May 23, 2017, 12:31:41 PM
Right?! The highest level starts at, what, 20-something? That's a pretty broad range of scores.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: serpico on May 23, 2017, 12:39:24 PM
I took it yesterday and I think I got an 18.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on June 03, 2017, 09:29:17 AM
Listeners: thanks for your responses. To those of you who are moving past, our heartiest congrats. For those of you who are fresh or stuck - well, we get that.

We've been off the air of sorts lately. Many of you know why; for those that don't, I'll try to explain.

Let's say (Trump forbid) that you had your child (or significant other) with you in a public place. You turn your back for just a second to ask a question or something. You turn back around - they're gone.

So you go through the usual shock, disbelief, "This isn't funny, come out right now!" sort of stuff. You look for someone to help you find them. That isn't working; your companion is nowhere to be found.

The graphic details of the aftermath are left to your imagination at this point. Let's just say that the first month, you're in complete denial of what's happening. This simply couldn't be your new reality; you hold out hope that this is just some sort of tragic joke and your child (etc.) will be returned to you in the name of justice.

By the second month, it's starting to sink in. This isn't a joke at all, it's your new reality. Most folks would agree that after the shock wears off, the unbearable horror sinks in. After the first month it gets way worse.

So imagine this scenario, but take away the hope - because you realize you'll never see them again.

That's kind of what it's like right now.

Now imagine being the mother of that child. You get the idea.

So it seems pretty stupid to keep posting updates to that sort of horror. It couldn't possibly be of help to anyone coming to this board looking for answers, could it?

That's why we're dark right now - in every conceivable way. Sorry for the static.

I'm still doing PMs here and there. Sorry for any delays in them. I hope you understand. But I'm still working on the manifesto in the other thread, in case you still want to contribute. An update to that thread is scheduled for a few minutes from now.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Lisa on June 04, 2017, 05:21:59 PM
Thinking of you
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on June 11, 2017, 11:12:52 AM
(http://i50.photobucket.com/albums/f312/groucho797/Bud_zpsnexwugwc.jpg) (http://s50.photobucket.com/user/groucho797/media/Bud_zpsnexwugwc.jpg.html)


Wish you were here.

Love always,
Dada
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on June 11, 2017, 12:54:56 PM
Such a handsome young man Michael.  I'm sure there are no words of comforting right now. 
Hugs to you.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Jen on June 11, 2017, 03:20:39 PM
No words. All my love.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: TooSoon on June 13, 2017, 09:32:43 AM
No words.  Sending you love.  You know where to find us.  We're here.  xoxoxoxoxox
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: quovadis on June 13, 2017, 09:05:47 PM
Sending love to you and your precious son.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Lisa on June 13, 2017, 11:47:02 PM
💙💔💙
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: jgib on June 18, 2017, 03:57:52 PM
I am so very sorry for your loss.

I just found Radio Hell...I am glad I did.

My dad passed, then I lost my oldest sister (my best friend) and her husband, next my mom passed and last but not least, 6 months later my husband left for work and never came home.  All in a 4 year span.  I have often thought that I am glad I never had children because I am sure they would have been next in line......

3 and a half years on and scored 30 on the quiz...that was interesting to take.

Michael, thanks for posting and being here......I am so sad to say.....you get it.....
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on June 21, 2017, 09:12:50 AM
jgib, sorry for your losses as well. We all know only too well that death happens, but he seems to perform his job with monstrous glee sometimes, doesn't he?

I will say this - if one more person thinks that they're helping by insisting I'm still a father, I'm going to start screaming and not stop for a very long time. That's one holiday that doesn't have a shred of meaning anymore.

Given your score, I can only guess you're still very much embroiled in the struggle. If it helps, by all means, take whatever light was allotted to me - it appears I won't be needing it anymore in this lifetime. May it serve you better.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Lisa on June 21, 2017, 11:58:27 AM
Michael, I wish I had words to comfort you. It should only be that easy.  But it is not.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: jgib on June 21, 2017, 03:57:11 PM
Thanks for the words Michael.

I have never really thought of glee in relation to death's performance, it has always been a bit more frenetic in my mind.....I guess glee could be attached to that, it wouldn't surprise me....

I do believe  I am still embroiled but I can say it is not really a struggle anymore.  A battle some days perhaps, but a battle I plan to win.  It is such a different world and life.  I don't really recognize myself anymore.

A phoniex rising from the ashes perhaps...ha, snort...ya right.....

I appreciate the offer of light.  I can honesty say my efforts to generate my own light seem to be coming to fruition.  It certainly has been dim here for a while.

With your strength, compassion and keen mind you will be needing that light.  Store it away for now, keep it safe I think one day you will look for it and breathe a healthy glow to it again.

All just words....I know.....
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: MissingSquish on June 28, 2017, 05:53:08 PM
Thinking of you, Michael.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Michael797 on June 29, 2017, 09:44:09 PM
For those of you who acknowledged today's two-month sadiversary in one form or another, thank you for remembering.
Title: Re: Radio Hell - Ninth Level
Post by: Jen on June 29, 2017, 10:58:53 PM
Never forgotten. ♡