Young Widow Forum

Time Frame => Newly Widowed (1 day to 6 months) => Topic started by: Mishka3086 on May 06, 2017, 02:21:55 PM

Title: When did you stop wearing your ring?
Post by: Mishka3086 on May 06, 2017, 02:21:55 PM
Hi everyone...

I've been debating whether I want to keep wearing my ring or if I want to invest in a nice necklace to wear it around my neck... I love my husband dearly and I am still very much married to him "in my mind"... But I find myself looking down at my ring on my finger and getting so depressed at the reality that he is gone. I'm just curious to know how soon or how long it took you all to take that step? Obviously, if I feel like wearing it on my finger any day I will... But for now it just seems to cause me more sadness, although I want to keep wearing it forever. Not sure if anyone else has felt this way?
Thanks and wishing you all a peaceful and blessed weekend ❤
Title: Re: When did you stop wearing your ring?
Post by: KrypticKat on May 06, 2017, 02:53:17 PM
It's a very personal thing. My husband and I had only been married for just under a year before he suddenly passed away. So my Rings were still a very new thing to me and I love them so much. I probably stopped wearing them after about 1 to 2 months. Then oddly enough I started wearing my husband's ring on my right hand. I still wear it and it gives me comfort. Everyone is different though. Some people wear their rings around their neck. Some people don't wear them at all. Some wear them just the way they palways did. I'm actually debating having my wedding rings turned into a cocktail ring similar-looking to the first ring my husband bought me. That way I can wear it and itwill still remind me of the wonderful relationship I had. But I'm a bit like you where when I looked at my rings it caused a lot of pain for me because it was just a reminder that he was gone. Your marriage is so much more than just the rings on your finger but I'm glad that you recognize that. You'll know what's right and when it feels right and don't let anyone tell you otherwise how or when you should wear your rings. Sending you lots of love. KK.
Title: Re: When did you stop wearing your ring?
Post by: maddalena on May 06, 2017, 10:37:51 PM
Took me 2 years and a boy friend
Title: Re: When did you stop wearing your ring?
Post by: HCE on May 07, 2017, 04:54:00 AM
It'll be six months tomorrow, and I'm still wearing mine. I can't bear the thought of removing it.
Title: Re: When did you stop wearing your ring?
Post by: JeanGenie on May 07, 2017, 06:45:56 AM
I don't recall exactly when I stopped wearing them on my hand but it was about 2 years out. The engagement ring I brought to the jewelers to be inspected and cleaned and then put it away in his jewelry box for safe keeping. Our wedding bands I wear every day on a gold chain that I splurged on. They are usually hidden under my top so they are known only to me and closer to my heart there.

When to stop wearing them (or not) is totally a personal decision. I know I did it because I would see other woman wearing wedding bands and think "how lucky for them" and I didn't want people to look at me and assume I was happily married, because I wasn't married and I wasn't happy. I know realistically wedding bands do not mean someone is necessarily happily married, but I was.
Title: Re: When did you stop wearing your ring?
Post by: Julester3 on May 07, 2017, 11:06:45 AM
Within the month. All the paperwork was getting to me and I had to write either single with children or widowed with children. As much as I loved my husband, I felt I was advertising something that I no longer was - a wife. The law said I wasn't so I switched to my anniversary band for a bit and then just got an entirely different ring altogether that I wear on my middle finger. It's a simple silver ring with entwined 7 small bands - represents the 7 things I was to my husband: his friend, his girlfriend, his lover, his fiancée, his wife, the mother of his children  and his soulmate. It's symbolic and it reminds me why I was important and am still important.
Title: Re: When did you stop wearing your ring?
Post by: Trying on May 08, 2017, 06:40:34 AM
8 months after he died was our 21st wedding anniversary. I had tried removing our rings on and off for a few months (I had added his band to my band and engagement ring right after he died).  After 21 years of never removing my rings I found that kept reaching to the empty finger to twirl what wasn't there.  So on that first anniversary without him I bought myself a new ring to symbolize my new life. 

I hope you find what works for you, brings you comfort, and makes you feel true to yourself. 
Title: Re: When did you stop wearing your ring?
Post by: TornApart on May 08, 2017, 07:03:41 AM
About a year. I kept his wedding ring on a chain for about a month and then I had the gold and diamond recrafted into an eternity ring. I wore them both on my wedding ring finger until a while after the sadiversary, and then moved them to my right hand where they still are over four years later. But I swapped them back and forth between hands for months. I wasn't ready to not be a wife. It caused me great anxiety - I wanted everyone to know that I was loved. I wanted the reminder that I was loved. My engagement ring fitted onto my middle finger so it lives there.
Title: Re: When did you stop wearing your ring?
Post by: Laura1612 on May 08, 2017, 10:41:33 PM
I'm at six months, and I still wear mine and his! I know I'll be ready to take them off at some point, but not yet, and I don't care what anyone thinks!
Title: Re: When did you stop wearing your ring?
Post by: beth_krkswidow on May 23, 2017, 07:41:43 AM
Day after tomorrow will be One Year. I  haven't even considered moving or removing thrm. And I  wear his on a chain around my neck.
As everyone says, it's your personal decision.  There's no right or wrong answer.
Title: Re: When did you stop wearing your ring?
Post by: Lmsmdm on May 25, 2017, 02:19:53 PM
You'll know when it's right. Until then, you do what you must. I wore my band on my ring finger for a little over a year. I am at the 6 year mark in July. I still wear mine on a chain, and his on my right thumb. I don't think I'll ever take his off, but I have started thinking about turning my band into something else.
Title: Re: When did you stop wearing your ring?
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on May 25, 2017, 05:34:52 PM
I'm at 4 yrs and I wear my band when I feel like it.  I don't give a sweet flying fox fart (local radio host used to say this lol) what anyone thinks.  What in my head doesn't reflect what's on my finger.  Do what is right for you!
Title: Re: When did you stop wearing your ring?
Post by: Mizpah on May 26, 2017, 01:32:27 PM
His first birthday that he wasn't here for, about 9 months in.  I looked down at my finger, and thought how RIGHT it looked, how I never ever wanted to take it off, and then in a strange moment of disconnect between thought and action, I took it off.  I wear it once a year on his birthday, as a kind of gift to him. 
Title: Re: When did you stop wearing your ring?
Post by: oneoftwo on May 27, 2017, 12:33:36 AM
My husband and I had matching, thin, gold wedding bands.
I slipped his ring on my middle finger, when I found it after he died (he didn't always wear it), and it fit perfectly.

I have both of our rings on my left hand, side by side. A mobios strip, now, I guess.
It's been a long time- I don't plan on removing either of them
Title: Re: When did you stop wearing your ring?
Post by: CandiceS on June 07, 2017, 04:39:53 AM
It's only been about two months for me, but I still wear mine. We weren't married, but it still means a lot to me. It has our names and it's engraved with little heart shaped stones. I'm planning on wearing it as long as possible and giving it to our daughter one day. It makes me feel closer to him somehow.
Title: Re: When did you stop wearing your ring?
Post by: Mac_Encheeze on June 07, 2017, 10:27:32 PM
At work I am around rotating machinery, so I never wore mine. Very rarely did I ever in the almost 4 years we were married . I never wore it in case my hand got caught and the ring crushed around my finger.

Since May 31st, when I found my wife, I put mine on and haven't taken it off except to shower and wash my hands. I could've worn a Qalo ring but I was so used to not wearing one that I didn't want any. Plus I love my ring even though i almost never wore it.

So, I apologize. I don't have an answer for you. I'm 8/9 days in to this. But I don't ever plan on taking mine off until I'm ready.
Title: Re: When did you stop wearing your ring?
Post by: Bereft on June 11, 2017, 10:04:09 PM
I wear my rings... doesn't seem right not to.

I have his wedding band and the first piece of jewelry he gave me on a gold chain around my neck.  I find comfort knowing that ring around my neck was his pride and joy on his finger for so many years.
Title: Re: When did you stop wearing your ring?
Post by: Monique on June 11, 2017, 11:04:21 PM
My ring was a gift from Sam's mother and doesn't look like a traditional engagement ring. I'm at about 3 months and still wearing it. I don't intend to stop. I can't wear it at work, but I just move it onto my necklace until the end of my shift. We weren't yet married when he died, but I do have my wedding ring as well. I wear it occasionally, but mostly I stick to the engagement ring.
Title: Re: When did you stop wearing your ring?
Post by: Mishka3086 on June 13, 2017, 12:52:02 AM
My husband never got his band... But I love and cherish my ring so much!! I have gotten a few comments about it and it really bothered me that someone would have the nerve to question that! The fact that it made me question myself bothers me more... This is such a difficult and confusing process. I feel so lost. The only thing I'm sure of is my love for him and my love for my kids and those who have remained close to me during such horrible times. I don't feel like myself. I am really struggling. I bought a chain to wear my ring on but I will keep my ring on my finger where it belongs as long as I feel like it. I have not stopped being his wife and in my heart I never will.
Thanks to everyone who has commented. I pray we all find comfort and peace through this process...