Young Widow Forum

Socializing => Relationships/Remarriage => Topic started by: klim on May 06, 2017, 02:37:45 PM

Title: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: klim on May 06, 2017, 02:37:45 PM
PDA public displays of affection.....how comfortable are you??

I am on a different part of the scale then my boyfriend and it makes it awkward some times.....

if very comfortable is 1 and highly uncomfortable is 5 where do you fit
for me it would go like this( when I first wrote this I wrote my numbers opposite from what i meant ....so real rating in brackets}

walking holding hands                               5    [1]
walking arm around shoulder or waist         4    [2]
peck on the cheek or lips                            3.5 [2.5]
staring into each others eyes                       2   [4]
really kissing                                              1   [5]
Sitting on their lap or vice versa                   0.5

I'm like this whether I think someone can see or not...... in otherwords if I were in the back row of a movie those numbers wouldn't change.

 

Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: arneal on May 06, 2017, 04:33:29 PM
Great question, klim. Prior to NG, I was all about the don't-touch-me's LOL! NG is quite affectionate in general so I've come to appreciate the attention over this past year. Maybe it's age (I am 48 and he's 52) but I've never done the lap sitter thing (at least in this context -- okay, that might have been too much information  :P). Just not a thing. For the other items on the 1 to 5 scale, I guess we fall like this [UPDATE- I didn't read directions ... revised to 1 = most comfortable and 5 = least comfortable]:

walking holding hands                               1
walking arm around shoulder or waist         2
peck on the cheek or lips                            2
staring into each others eyes                       3
really kissing                                              2

We pretty much always hold hands, like if we are walking up to the movies. About half the time NG will walk and put his arm around me and I reciprocate. We kiss in public, like if he's leaving my house or I'm leaving his, we'll do so at the car; sometimes it's a bit more real than others so I gave that one a 2, but I am not going to go to town like if we were in a private space lol. I think we are both comfy staring into each other's eyes when we talk but to just sit there and do so, not so much, but we're both introverts too so there's that.
Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: tybec on May 06, 2017, 05:36:31 PM



One being most comfortable and 5 being least comfortable.

walking holding hands                               1
walking arm around shoulder or waist          2
peck on the cheek or lips                           1
staring into each others eyes                      2
really kissing                                           3
Sitting on their lap or vice versa                 4 (PDA after all)
Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: TooSoon on May 06, 2017, 09:48:19 PM
I forget when it was exactly, but I remember having this realization at some point in the last few years that Andy and I hold hands all the time.  It made me and makes me so happy.  Sometimes, when we're all together, and because my daughter hasn't yet decided holding your parents' hands is a brand of uncoolness, all three of us hold hands.  I swear it gives me faith in the universe!  I could take or leave the rest of it, but we've been known to do some weird and probably very awkward looking middle aged dancing/kissing at gigs.  I'm mortally embarrassed by this behavior after the fact, but last summer we met a group of 20 somethings at a concert who told us, having witnessed the spectacle, "We hope we're as fun as you are when we are old like you!"  Oh dear. 
Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: daysofelijah on May 07, 2017, 08:51:32 AM
walking holding hands  1, no problem and do it often
walking arm around shoulder or waist I don't like to do this, nothing to do with PDA, just always feels awkward to me, prolly cuz I'm short
peck on the cheek or lips    1, no problem and do it often
staring into each others eyes  Eh, probably 1, but again not something I do, I'm old, not a lovestruck teenager, lol
really kissing      5, not appropriate in public imo                                      
Sitting on their lap or vice versa 5, For a second just to be silly is fine, but actually for a long time, no, not appropriate

NG is a lot more comfortable with PDA than I am. I don't mind hand holding, short kisses and hugs or sitting with his arm around me, but that's about it in public. He wanted to give me a shoulder rub standing behind me once when we were at the county fair and it just felt weird, too intimate for public for me.

It took me a while to get just used to snuggling in front of the kids, and laying on the couch next to each other, etc, like if we are all watching a movie together in the living room or something like that. But I'm okay with that now, in the confines of one of our houses. NG says it's good for kids to see what a good, healthy relationship looks like.

Uh, but in the back row of a movie theater let's just say we do not follow my rules of PDA. NG gets way too frisky in movie theaters for some reason, that's all I'm going to say about that  ;)
Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: klim on May 07, 2017, 10:51:03 AM
ok so it's not just my guy..theaters do that to people eh!

And the snuggling in front of the kids( although I can hardly call mine kids anymore 19 and 21) and really they just walk through the living room on the way to the fridge but it is definitely taking some getting used to.
Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: arneal on May 07, 2017, 11:35:53 AM
Ha! The snuggle in front of the kids thing -- you all just reminded me. So the first time I met NG's daughter was during the holidays. I was at his place and we were sitting next to each other on the couch, holding hands, and I had my head on his shoulder. His daughter and her boyfriend came in and NG introduced us. I felt sort of 'caught' even though we weren't doing anything. I spoke to them both, all the while still holding hands with my head on NG's shoulder, because I didn't know what to do. So nerdy and awkward  :-\
Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: MrsDan on May 08, 2017, 02:37:34 PM

walking holding hands                               1
walking arm around shoulder or waist         1
peck on the cheek or lips                            1
staring into each others eyes                       1
really kissing                                              5
Sitting on their lap or vice versa                   5

My boyfriend is really affectionate. We hold hands when we go listen to music, or see a movie, or spend time with his family. In public, it's very sweet so I don't see anything inappropriate. We only get to see each other a few times a week, so I'm not going to avoid being affectionate because other people are around. Life is too short. Sitting on the lap I put 5 because well, I'm 40 and would feel silly. I also think deep kissing in public isn't appropriate. That's such a personal thing. But pecks, hugs, shoulder rubs I'm completely comfortable with. Being affectionate in front of our kids isn't really an issue. He and his daughter's mother broke up before she was born, and my DD was only three months old when Dan died. So neither of them has memories of their other parent that we need to be sensitive to. We did hold off in front of my daughter, because we wanted her to be comfortable with the relationship. But I think it's important to model healthy loving relationships for our kids. 
Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: arneal on May 08, 2017, 02:56:34 PM
Ha! Thanks, MrsDan -- totally didn't follow directions on the numbering and revised mine to match the instructions LOL! Yes, life is too short. I too only see NG typically once per week, maybe twice. Try to get as much close time as possible :)
Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: trying2breathe on May 22, 2017, 05:38:15 PM
When things are good with NG  ::)  we're affectionate.  One of things that we've enjoyed together is dancing at a local pub with live music.  He's not really a dancer, but we've had some dirty dancing moments late into the night after having a few beers  ;D   So this has definitely pushed our comfort level with PDA to a different place.  That being said, when we're not dancing I can be kind of prudish.


walking holding hands   1
walking arm around shoulder or waist   1   we haven't done this
peck on the cheek or lips  1
staring into each others eyes  4   I'd be uncomfortable 
really kissing   5   nope, get a room
sitting on their lap or vice versa   5
Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: klim on May 22, 2017, 07:07:31 PM
that's what beer and pub dance floors are for isn't it?? :D
Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: Sugarbell on May 22, 2017, 07:08:32 PM
Now I'm pretty comfortable with all of it except the staring in the eyes and really kissing stuff..no too much for me. Sitting on lap..not normally but we've been to so many casual crowded kids sporting events that it happens sometimes-but not something I would regularly do.

In the past...and even when I was married I wasn't into PFA nor was DH or any guy I've dated since. My last relationship we never even held hands ..it was weird. NG is very publicly affectionate..always wants to hold hands, hug me, etc. At first I admit..I felt weird to me holding his hand walking into a restaurant, my kids games. -any date. I wasn't used to it at all. Now I like it...but it's been several months to get used to.

Naw..I can't deep kiss or that stuff in public..We are affectionate (within reason) around my kids...and my oldest son at first was like "Wow Mom you are all over him" (not kissing just touching holding hands)... My kids have never seen me like that around a guy. Last guy before NG..Hell we barely sat next to each other on the couch.
Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: arneal on May 23, 2017, 10:58:13 AM
I hear that, Sugarbell. It has developed over time with NG but LH taught me how to be more open to affection, public or not. NG likes to walk and hold hands, sit close in the movies, will put his arms around me. We don't do the stare in the eye thing but we do keep eye contact. Every now and again I'll see him watching me but I am not sure how to react so I act like I don't notice lol. I've grown to like it more with NG, that's certain, but all-out deep kissing and such? Nah, that's private.

Funny story about personal space: we went to dinner one time last fall and I ordered one of the specialty drinks. I let him taste it and he made a comment about the proprietor being willing to let me drink it because he (NG) must have looked like he was strong enough to carry me out if the drink was too strong. I did my best not to look mortified at the notion of him trying to pick me up ... guess it's a woman thing  :o
Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: Love2fish on June 09, 2017, 08:40:35 PM

walking holding hands                               1
walking arm around shoulder or waist         1
peck on the cheek or lips                            1
staring into each others eyes                       1
really kissing                                              5
Sitting on their lap or vice versa                   5

What she said.

Good subject to think about klim.  Can we add a qualifier?  What would your numbers be if you were in public but pretty sure no one could see you or hear the giggles?  ;D

When I was dating online my profile declared PDAs R Me. 
Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: arneal on June 12, 2017, 10:48:08 AM
I thought of this post last evening while NG and I were at the movies. We had to walk about 3.5 blocks from the car to the theatre. We held hands the whole way. We held hands through the movie. No PDA beyond that. I was sitting there, smiling to myself in the dark, thinking of you all :)
Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: MrsDan on June 12, 2017, 12:28:07 PM
This past weekend we went to Dan's brother's Coast Guard retirement. BF gets along really well with Dan's family. It's more like my family, as I have basically no relationship with my own. But he made no attempts to hold my hand, I finally reached for it partway through the ceremony. He was also a lot let affectionate. I wonder if he felt like it was more respectful because of the setting. I don't think he was uncomfortable being there, he's been to Dan's family events before. Dan's sister was there with her new baby and he held him more than I did!
Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: klim on June 14, 2017, 04:39:32 PM
MrsDan I would think he was aware of the family presence. I went to a festival and met NG's 21yr old daughter for the first time and even with him being divorced not widowed I was more concsious of the PDA and let him be the lead.
Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: arneal on June 14, 2017, 05:24:26 PM
Totally get that, klim! I feel the same way. I shared on another thread that I don't stay overnight at NG's place (I did once and I think he's lightening up on that 'rule' a bit) because he set the house rule for his daughter so her boyfriend doesn't spend the night. NG says he knows they probably stay there when he's out of town or at my house though, but it's the setting the example thing. Like you, when I am there, I let him take the lead on how much PDA should be in the public spaces in front of them :)
Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: arneal on June 18, 2017, 03:36:03 PM
Thought of this thread again this morning :) Was at NG's place last night and while we were laying around watching TV, we were playing footsies ... not exactly a PDA, but a moment of closeness. I mean, he was wrapping his toes around and in between mine. I had to work hard not to giggle. I'm not ticklish but am also not used to a ton of closeness, so it felt more 'intimate' than how I've spent cuddle time in past relationships. I've noticed that we've been sharing deeper kisses when we say goodbye now, like when he walks me to my car as I'm leaving his place or when he's leaving my house. This always happens outside, so yeah, PDA :)
Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: trying2breathe on June 20, 2017, 02:09:18 PM
Took PDA to a new level this weekend, it was my high school's twice a year get together at our local dance bar.  NG and I did the usual bump & grind and then some, as he tried to put his stamp on me as "taken".  And I didn't mind it at all  :D
Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: Christopher on August 15, 2017, 03:38:01 PM
walking holding hands                               5
walking arm around shoulder or waist         4 (the posture might not be easy to walk around with)
peck on the cheek or lips                            5
staring into each others eyes                       5
really kissing                                             4
Sitting on their lap or vice versa                   5

I like the notion "If you love them, show it." You are a living example of your love for one another and how a relationship ought to be done.
I'm amazed at how many females these days don't feel the same way.
Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: arneal on August 16, 2017, 11:02:15 AM
I had to smile about your 'posture' comment, Christopher. I don't come from affectionate people; the first husband was abusive, the second was very loving (widowed from both), and NG has become more affectionate over time. I have had to learn how to show it. I am a work in progress in this area for sure!
Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: Christopher on August 18, 2017, 12:10:28 AM
I had to smile about your 'posture' comment, Christopher. I don't come from affectionate people; the first husband was abusive, the second was very loving (widowed from both), and NG has become more affectionate over time. I have had to learn how to show it. I am a work in progress in this area for sure!

Slow and steady.

"So long as you are moving forward, it does not matter how slowly you are moving. " - A buddhist proverb I liked.
Title: Re: PDA??? how comfortable are you?
Post by: Virgo on November 09, 2017, 06:01:03 PM
My LH and I were the "get a room" couple. Not so much with kissing, but constant touching. I'm sure inappropriate touching to some. Of course while he was on duty he wouldn't kiss or touch me. He really didn't like for me to be seen with him in uniform, for my safety.

NG and I just started dating, so I'm going with his PDA comfort level. We hold hands, touch while talking, and quick pecks.