Young Widow Forum

Time Frame => Beyond Active Grieving => Topic started by: Nolagirl on August 14, 2017, 02:49:49 AM

Title: Recurrent dream - how to stop it?
Post by: Nolagirl on August 14, 2017, 02:49:49 AM
So - when my husband died, I had no dreams of him for the longest time. It has been 9 years and for the past 3 years I dream of him almost every night. I rarely think of him during the day but every night is the same thing. It was always a situation when he left and I could not find him. The reason why he left warried but the feeling of panic that I can't find him was always the same (like could not find him for a month...had no idea where he dissappeared to). I went to see a therapist and the dreams finally stopped. BUT - for the past month or so I have a new one - he returns but tells me that he won't be living with me anymore, he just might show up every now and then. I get startled at first and then (to protect myself) want to get a divorce or ask him not to come ever again. However, I always wake up before I get to tell him so I don't know what would happen then.

So - my psychological analysis - I can't accept he will not be coming back but what about the new dream? Why do I dream every night about wanting to end this but the dream keeps coming back?

I really want to move on but I think my subconsciousness does not want me to let go.
Title: Re: Recurrent dream - how to stop it?
Post by: tybec on August 14, 2017, 12:45:42 PM
Not a dream analyst.  9 years!  Long time to live without him.  Is there something new going on with you with some unresolved something, so this has popped back up consistently? 

I have anxiety dreams. That is all I could think of.  New plateau of grieving?  Letting go and this is tugging you back? 

Regardless, it has to be difficult or distressing.  So sorry.  Darn subconscious!

Title: Re: Recurrent dream - how to stop it?
Post by: sadmomof2 on August 18, 2017, 09:37:03 AM
I am 10 yrs out (in Oct) and have always had similar dreams. Never have a happy dream of husband. Its always that he has been gone and I run into him somewhere and either he tells me he is leaving and wants a divorce OR he had faked his death so that he didn't have to be with me. What is sad to me is we had a happy marriage. I wish that I had advice for you but thankfully mine only happens every 6 months or so but it ruins my day
Title: Re: Recurrent dream - how to stop it?
Post by: MissingSquish on September 07, 2017, 05:41:33 PM
Is there something new happening in your life now? Happy, sad or stressful?  You don't necessarily need to know the reason why you're getting these recurring dreams, only that your brain is reprocessing some information.

I find that journaling, walking and yoga really help me to get past my recurrent dreams/nightmares. Best of luck!
Title: Re: Recurrent dream - how to stop it?
Post by: maddalena on September 12, 2017, 09:27:36 AM
Hello, I have dreams often (5 years out) where all of a sudden i find out he's living in another state, under an assumed name and other crazy scenarios. In one, someone was about to shoot him, but at the very last minute, someone else got shot and he survived (he actually died from cancer).
All I can think of is that some of my brain cells still don't know he's gone.  Or they know he's gone, but not how, so they start making sstuff up...
Title: Re: Recurrent dream - how to stop it?
Post by: maddalena on September 12, 2017, 09:28:15 AM
ps how to stop it? maybe you can change them a little at least by trying to control it, telling yourself that you know he's dead...
Title: Re: Recurrent dream - how to stop it?
Post by: kjs1989 on September 16, 2017, 02:40:07 PM
These dreams are so unsettling. I will go long periods of time with no dreams of him, and then go through periods where I dream of him frequently. 

One dream about a year and a half after he died has stuck with me because it was so real and left me feeling so empty. I kept trying to call him. He had left us, but I was not aware of where he went or that he had died, really, only that he was "gone." I kept thinking there was a mistake, a misunderstanding, because he would never leave his family. Finally, I got ahold of him on the phone, but all he could tell me was that he was he was ok and happy, and that he was with people who understood him. I pleaded with him, but it was of no use.

Ugh, that dream still leaves me feeling so hollow inside.

I wish I could be more helpful, Nolagirl, as to the  meaning of your dreams and how to move forward from them. All I can say is I get how unsettling it all is.