Young Widow Forum

Time Frame => Shock Wears Off, Reality Sets In ( 6 to 12 months) => Topic started by: bromans on August 25, 2017, 08:28:15 PM

Title: 6 Months and 2 things I remembered today
Post by: bromans on August 25, 2017, 08:28:15 PM
Hit the 6 month mark yesterday. (What a strange and painful set of words to type...) Someone told me today that it seems like I'm "healing well," but all I heard was "you're getting very good at acting like a normal person in public." Anyway, I guess I belong in this time frame now. "Shock Wears Off, Reality Sets In" doesn't seem quite right yet.

Now for some randomness from the amazing life I had before. Here are two small things that I remembered today for the first time (I think). 
1. There was a tall weed near the drive that we shared with my in-laws. When you were driving up the lane at night, and your headlights hit it a certain way, it looked like a deer about to run into the road. DW and I came up with the clever name "deer plant." Every single time that girl would pull into the driveway at night, she would tap on the brakes a bit hard and mumble "stupid deer plant."

2. There are lots of oak trees where I live, so naturally there plenty of acorns on the ground as fall approaches. One time, I told her that I liked the way it felt/ sounded when I stepped on the green ones (weird, I know). She thought it was hilarious. It became one of our inside jokes that every time one of us saw a green acorn we would go out of our way to step on it.

 I miss her so much.
Title: Re: 6 Months and 2 things I remembered today
Post by: Wheelerswife on August 25, 2017, 08:57:18 PM
As hard as it may be, I'm glad you had these memories. They can be gifts. They made my heart smile just a bit with trying to imagine these simple but actually intimate interactions between you and your wife.


Title: Re: 6 Months and 2 things I remembered today
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on August 25, 2017, 09:17:36 PM
Yes it is nice to remember those little things just between the 2 of you.  I remember early out when I remembered those little moments it hurt like hell.  It's different for me now and it makes me smile.  Now and again it hits.
I remember at about 4 months being told by a "friend" that I'm getting better.  I wanted to say "Um ok, I don't have a cold don't ya know"
I get when you say "strange and painful set of words"  It is so unbelievable isn't it.
Hugs to you Bromans
Title: Re: 6 Months and 2 things I remembered today
Post by: jgib on August 26, 2017, 10:26:01 AM
Thanks for sharing broman.  Beautiful memories for you. 
I didn't let beautiful memories creep in for a long time, I thought they would be too painful.  I now wish I would have let them come to me sooner. 
I hope the familiarity of your beautiful memories give you some comfort.
Title: Re: 6 Months and 2 things I remembered today
Post by: Julester3 on August 26, 2017, 12:26:56 PM
Little details you shared with your partner are precious when you can remember them. It reminds you of the beauty of small inconsequential thing to the normal person but we see a greater thing in that moment. Thank you for sharing.

As for looking like you are feeling better, again no one realizes we are just faking it as best as we can. It's tiring being as miserable as we feel every single day and no one can see or know that part unless we want to share that fact. Hugs for you today.
Title: Re: 6 Months and 2 things I remembered today
Post by: Mizpah on August 30, 2017, 08:54:05 AM
In a life/culture of two, the little things are the big things.  We are the holder and carrier of all of those sweet, simple, beautiful shared things now, they are like small glowing jewels in our hearts/souls. 

You know, 6 1/2 years later, there are still little phrases and things we shared that bubble to the surface.  Sometimes I even say them out loud.  It's a long road to integrating the joy and sadness.  I'm thinking of all of you early out.  And as far as "reality sinks in" and whatnot, in a way, you are rebuilding a reality as time goes on, extremely gradually, even though it may not seem it, laying the internal foundational "bricks" in your new life.  The roots aren't out in the world, visible, but inside, and in what you love, what nurtures you, even now, when it doesn't feel like it. 

And I hate to make light of anything grief-related, but hey - don't knock holding it together in public!  I remember one day I realized I hadn't done any public sobbing in a while, and I was like, "Go me!"  (I think, then, it's likely I probably privately sobbed, hahahaha.)