Young Widow Forum

Socializing => Social Encounters => Topic started by: Julester3 on August 26, 2017, 12:50:13 PM

Title: Going to weddings
Post by: Julester3 on August 26, 2017, 12:50:13 PM
I've already gone to a wedding by myself after losing my husband but it was a small intimate affair and I was with friends. It was nice and festive.

I am going to a wedding later today and the bride insisted the girls join me. I used to love weddings but only when I had Josh with me. We would dance, people watch, and try each other's food. We would walk around and catch up with people we knew. We'd have a grand old time. The thought of dancing for some reason bothers me. I have always enjoyed dancing and josh took ballroom social dance with me and we found what dances suited us best. I know some coworkers would humor me but the idea just punched me in the gut. Dancing doesn't have to be intimate generally but it seems like it became something more intimate with my husband because we made it an oppportunity to learn to do something well together. I'd go to the bar but I have to drive home. My eldest isn't familiar with where the wedding is to be able to get us home.

i just wanted to get my thoughts and anxiety out before we go. I promise an update later.
Title: Re: Going to weddings
Post by: sojourner on August 26, 2017, 07:07:07 PM
I don't envy you. I've been to 3 weddings of extended family since my husband died, the first about 2 months after his death, and the next a few months later. The latest one was this past June; this one was really hard for my girls, as there was a big deal made over a father-daughter dance, and there was no real way to escape it the way the venue was set up. I hated going, even tho I'm happy for the couples. The 'til death do you part... and there the happy couple are, smiling through it. I'm glad they're clueless, but it just about kills me sitting through it.

Peace to you, and hopes that things go as well as possible!
Title: Re: Going to weddings
Post by: imissdow on August 27, 2017, 05:56:58 AM
I have been to one wedding and I skipped the reception.  We're getting to the age where my friends kids are starting to get married so I'm kind of dreading this. Hugs
Title: Re: Going to weddings
Post by: Wife of Tomasz on August 28, 2017, 12:19:28 PM
I went to one a month after, was still in complete shock so I think that really helped me. It was a small group of close friends so that was good and nobody expected me to be ok. The hard part of that one was it was a destination wedding and we where looking forward to going together. The one I am terrified of now is my BIL's wedding witch is this weekend. Don't know how I will make it through this one. Its been eating at me for some time now and it gets worse the closer the day comes. I keep telling myself I have survived for 2 years now I will survive this too. Hugs
Title: Re: Going to weddings
Post by: Julester3 on August 28, 2017, 12:48:53 PM
The ceremony was fine, the cocktail part was fine and even dinner was fine. It was the speeches that got to me. I found myself thinking, you idiotic people should not raise the bar so damn high with these impossible romantic platitudes. Whatever happened to simply say just be happy and be good to one another? Enjoy your new life! I kid you not 20+ minutes of how they have love and love is everything and you need to surround yourself with love and it will last forever and all you need is love and one another to have a good marriage. Well guess what? With advice like this that is so often carelessly given, they set us up for the mental anguish, heartbreak, regret, disappointment and failure when our spouses do die. Of course I sat and just looked at the wall as I listened. What else can one do?

The dancing was hard - a few songs were played that my husband would have dragged me up for a dance. Brown eyed girl was one of them. I did a few harmless ones with my girls as they like to see me dance and participate. We survived and I was able to tell the tale. I think I will electively not go to any more because you can see my train of thought is still sad enough but it depends upon who it is. In my widow state, I have issues I need to work on and weddings are not helpful at all.
Title: Re: Going to weddings
Post by: Trying on August 28, 2017, 06:44:54 PM
My worst post widow wedding moment was sitting next to my mom (also a widow only 5 years before me) when the DJ invited all couples to the dance floor.  We were the only 2 sitting in the 3 or 4 tables around us.  We couldnt even get up to walk to the bar because we felt like we had a spot light on us, sad widows on display😔
Title: Re: Going to weddings
Post by: Julester3 on August 28, 2017, 07:46:10 PM
Omg trying - that is like a gut punch!
Title: Re: Going to weddings
Post by: Ronda on September 03, 2017, 08:28:07 PM
I have not been to a wedding since DH died 8 years ago.  I will attend the first one at the end of this month when our daughter gets married.  To say "emotions are running high" would be an understatement.  I just hope I can hold it together and she can too. The lack of his presence will definitely be felt.  Weddings are hard and I am glad I have been able to avoid it up until now. Good luck with yours.