Young Widow Forum

Socializing => Social Encounters => Topic started by: oneoftwo on September 05, 2017, 12:35:49 AM

Title: I'm a prude
Post by: oneoftwo on September 05, 2017, 12:35:49 AM
 Here's my question, which who knows if i'll ever get to answer again,:

At what point do you start holding hands?

To me this is a very personal space, palm on palm, acknowledging no weapons, I don't know if I'll hold hands with someone again , I mean ii think I'd kiss someone before I'd hold hands with them
Agghh
Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: Portside on September 05, 2017, 09:47:08 AM
The rule is that there now seems to be no rules.

When I was dating, there were occasions where I was kissed or offered sex before any handholding. "Whoa, hold on there Sister, you're on step 45, I'm on step 6."

It's almost as if each of our instructions on how this courtship thing is to proceed is totally our own, and no one's list matches anyone else's. With loads of opportunity for misunderstandings, hurt feelings, confusion, etc.

It's a minefield out there.  ???

Good luck - Mike
Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: momtokam on September 05, 2017, 09:55:31 AM
For me, handholding comes quickly, if I feel a connection with someone. I am a touchy feely person though.

And rules? No clue! I go with what feels right in each give situation.
Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: Mrskro on September 05, 2017, 11:23:08 AM
@oneoftwo

I'm completely anti hand-holding.  I've never liked even holding my kids hands.  My daughter grabs my hand just to bug me, it takes everything I have to not rip my hand away.

But to echo the thoughts above, there are no rules.  Or none that I was given.   
Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: oneoftwo on September 05, 2017, 11:29:56 AM
I never mentioned or asked about rules

I was just thinking the other day how much I miss the simple act of walking side by side with someone and reaching out and holding hands.
Such a small, intimate thing. But an actual display that you're a couple- a team. Joined together.

I was just hypothetically thinking that if I were ever to see someone, at what point would I do that again.
And I was wondering at what point in a new relationship other folks did.
Just another thing I really miss
Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: Guaruj on September 05, 2017, 06:10:33 PM
At what point do you start holding hands?

Honestly, that's between you and whoever you choose to hold hands with. It's a very innocent form affection, don't you think?

Quote
I was just thinking the other day how much I miss the simple act of walking side by side with someone and reaching out and holding hands.
Such a small, intimate thing. But an actual display that you're a couple- a team. Joined together.

I guess that's true in a public setting, where friends, family and neighbors might see you. Is that your concern? How would you feel if it were just the two of you walking alone in the woods?

I don't know where you live. Is it possible for you to go some place new, where nobody else knows either you or your date? I do assume that you're well adulthood, I think you shouldn't feel self-conscious about holding hands with someone you're fond of - even if you two are not yet a couple.

|+|  M a r k  |+|
Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: oneoftwo on September 05, 2017, 07:56:22 PM
sigh, my posts seem misunderstood,
thanks for answering
to make it clear- I am not seeing anyone, I have no one in mind and I do not plan on seeing any one.
And I wasnt looking for advice.
I just was thinking about how much I miss certain things, and that holding hands is one thing that I've recently realized I really miss. Hence being a prude- as if holding hands is some racey thing!
We used to hold hands all the time- I really enjoyed it as a display of affection, as a way to say "we're together", as a way to let our guard down and just be a unit.

I was just wondering at what point people might get to that stage in a new relationship.
But never mind, I'll just keep pondering that on my own, in the hopes I may need the answer one day.


Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: klim on September 05, 2017, 08:03:30 PM
IT's true I think of handholding as very casual but i do have to get a certain point of familiarity with a date before I handhold. I don't know where that line is but with one date I know it was not the right time, he held my hand ( maybe 2-3 dates in) and he was just awkward or  I was , anyways it was just wrong.  On the otherhand I've slipped into holding hands very early with others.....
Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: klim on September 05, 2017, 08:05:09 PM
Oh don't ponder  on your own, it's much better to ponder with us  :)
Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: Guaruj on September 05, 2017, 08:17:41 PM
sigh, my posts seem misunderstood,
thanks for answering
to make it clear- I am not seeing anyone, I have no one in mind and I do not plan on seeing any one.
And I wasnt looking for advice.

Sorry, I guess I did misunderstand what you said. Going back to this question...

Quote
At what point do you start holding hands?

I could imagine that happening at any point while you're dating. I wouldn't expect it when meeting someone for very first time, but after that, why not? As I said already, that's really between the two people in question. I also see it as something that, frankly, either person could initiate.

|+|  M a r k  |+|
Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: Portside on September 05, 2017, 08:25:17 PM

At what point do you start holding hands?


Oh, sorry, I also misunderstood.

You hold hands for the first time when your beau extends his hand so that he can help you pull yourself out of the nude mud-wrasseling pit.

What?
Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: rifatheroffour on September 05, 2017, 09:57:59 PM
Yes, I think for me holding hands would be an intimate and an overt symbol to the world that we are a couple. So it would depend on the circumstances as well. I was involved with someone for a short while and we were very private about it. We were in NYC at one point far from anyone who would know us and we did hold hands while walking but that was it, no where else and then it was over shortly after that anyway.

I tend to be shy and introverted in public and with those I do not know well. So I wouldn't look at it as prudish but rather guarded.  That said I held my wife's hand anytime or anywhere I could... 
Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on September 06, 2017, 01:47:24 AM
My DH loved to put his arm around my waist when we walked.  I loved that.  I think holding hands is a symbol of connection.  Sure hope I get that again some day.
Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: Trying on September 06, 2017, 06:30:34 AM
We each have our own definition of intimacy. For some hand holding in public, for some kissing, for others it may be sleeping the whole night together. I know that for me all of those things were unimaginable with anyone besides my DH, we were together 25 years, since I was 19. But amazingly I reconnected with someone from my past long before I thought about dating. The late night phone conversations for weeks before our first date, sharing intimate details of our lives was the first sign. On our first date I touched his hand across the table and he asked if he could kiss me good night after walking to my car. What was most surprising was how nice it was (oh I freaked out at each stage when left to my own thoughts) in the moment.

I think the point I'm trying to make is that somethings are too hard to imagine being possible until they happen.
Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: MR on September 06, 2017, 10:46:20 AM
Yes we all miss holding hands. Normally i drive using one left hand and right hand is free so would hold her hand if she was on passenger seat for most of the route except when both hands needs to be on wheel. Now-a-days my daughter seats in front and she started holding my hand as we both feel better that way.
Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: Julester3 on September 06, 2017, 12:36:21 PM
Yes we all miss holding hands. Normally i drive using one left hand and right hand is free so would hold her hand if she was on passenger seat for most of the route except when both hands needs to be on wheel. Now-a-days my daughter seats in front and she started holding my hand as we both feel better that way.

We used to do that as well. My daughter has said she used to like seeing us hold hands like this on our road trips on whenever we were in the car. She holds my hand sometimes when we are out and driving too.
Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: Sugarbell on September 06, 2017, 06:01:19 PM
At what point do you start holding hands???

For me it's when you are really into them and think they could be "it". I have never held a guys hand publicly until I started seeing NG. And we held hands really quick..in public..it felt right and natural.

The guy before him I dated for over 2 years and we never held hands..it just felt weird/wrong.

It's an intimate thing for me to do (oddly the other real sexual stuff I never freaked out about).

So no you're not a prude...I think it's just whatever our comfort level is.
Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: Bunny on September 06, 2017, 07:43:16 PM
I am a big fan of the hand-holding experience. I once dated someone (for 3 years) who wasn't and it made me pretty sad and frustrated. I do hope you get to experience that unique joy again some day, oneoftwo. Even holding a child's hand has always brought to me a feeling of bliss- so tiny and soft and trusting. (also kinda germy, I guess).

One of the first times holding hands after widowhood we were alone in the woods but I still blushed fiercely and felt all kinds of self-conscious and awkward. And yes, it did feel super-duper racy!
Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: oneoftwo on September 06, 2017, 11:19:01 PM
Quote from: Trying  somethings are too hard to imagine being possible until they happen.
[/quote

Yes- absolutely
Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: oneoftwo on September 06, 2017, 11:21:08 PM
Quote from: Bunny it did feel super-duper racy!
[/quote

Yes, with the right person it can!
Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: oneoftwo on September 06, 2017, 11:24:00 PM
Thanks all- for giving me an ear, some hope, and a shoulder-




Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: Monique on September 18, 2017, 02:55:30 PM
I've been thinking about this lately too. At almost 7 months out, I don't want a new relationship or sex, but sometimes I do really miss having someone to hold my hand, or to just sit with and put our arms around each other. Sam and I were constantly touching when we were together- he'd reach for my hands as soon as we sat down across from each other at a restaurant. So being alone is really hard.

Also seconding what Bunny said about the joy of holding a child's hand. It's such a sweet, simple show of love when a kid wants to hold hands or give you a big hug.
Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: arneal on October 05, 2017, 02:28:25 PM
I too tend to be introverted and just a big ol nerd when it comes to this sort of thing. Like I tell people, I was married/in some form of committed relationship for 25 years between two marriages so what do I know from dating? We didn't exactly date ... it was sort of a mutual coming together. Not romantic at all the first go and I was too wounded the second go to get when he was trying to be romantic. It just wasn't part of my DNA. NG is very touchy-feely but even in the beginning he didn't try to hold hands or anything. We just sort of grew into it. One time we went out and were sitting on a bench outside and he put his arm around my shoulder. In public (!). I couldn't believe it but I liked it. Later, he would hold my hand and now, depending on where we are going he usually holds my hand. Like MR, when I drive I keep my right hand free because I know he likes to hold hands. And when I can't because I need to really concentrate, he'll put his hand on my right shoulder.

It is true -- for some, hand-holding is more intimate ... I have to agree.
Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: Bunny on October 05, 2017, 02:45:54 PM
My husband held my hand every time we had to cross a street. I suppose some might find that a bit parental, but it made me feel cherished. He was almost a foot taller than me and bf is half a foot taller. The hand-holding experience feels fairly similar but kissing is easier, not so much neck ache issues now.
Title: Re: I'm a prude
Post by: Virgo on November 08, 2017, 03:32:11 PM
I think holding hands comes into play when you have to feel that physical connection with someone. Especially in public when the physical connection needs to be more discreet.  Other than my late husband I've only held hands with one of the guys I've dated. Happens to be the guy I'm dating now, and we haven't been dating long.