Young Widow Forum

Specific Situations => Young Widow/ers with No Children => Topic started by: KrypticKat on September 08, 2017, 10:47:23 PM

Title: Moving to a new place
Post by: KrypticKat on September 08, 2017, 10:47:23 PM
I intentionally stayed in my husband and my apartment longer after he died because I just wasn't ready to leave the space that I associated with him. Plus I knew the neighbors it was a safe building. I've now bought my first house that I'll be moving into in a few weeks. I already have the keys and I started moving some stuff over and started fixing some stuff up. But now I find myself getting paranoid. I'm afraid someone's going to break into my house while I'm away from it cuz I haven't moved in yet. I'm afraid someone's going to break into it when I am there because I will be alone. And lets face it, cats don't make great guard dogs. It's going to be scary living in a place on ground level around new people without my husband. I'm not sure exactly how to cope with this. Maybe this is just first-time Jitters and everybody gets this regardless but I feel like having lost my husband it just makes the anxiety that much worse.
Title: Re: Moving to a new place
Post by: Julester3 on September 09, 2017, 07:47:28 AM
I am still in our house and it seems too big without my husband in it. I get paranoid about our safety because we're all women here. I feel it makes us targets. It helps that my husband's crazy dog is very territorial so if puts people and other animals off from approaching the house. I do have great neighbors who look out for us. I think it's a natural fear. I'm forever making sure every door is locked when we are home and especially if it's getting dark. I am freaked about leaving the windows open and I'm not in that room. I never leave the windows open when I leave the house for fear of break ins. But as I do my security rounds before I go to bed, it does make me feel better.
Title: Re: Moving to a new place
Post by: oneoftwo on September 09, 2017, 09:37:51 AM
Congratulations on buying a house, that is a Big Deal!
My youngest child is about to head to college, so I'll be truly alone for the first time. And I do think about it.
I don't know your area, but just pay attention to the neighborhood. Introduce yourself to the neighbors, and exchange names and numbers - it really helps to feel safe.
I tend to leave my sons large dirty shoes/boots on the front porch, and I use the words "we" and "ours" a lot more than I should, when I speak with workers or basically any one who comes to my place- giving the impression (I hope, but it is also habit) it is not just me, alone, living here. "We", after all, could mean that me and my cats think so.
Good luck in your new place, I hope you enjoy it!
Title: Re: Moving to a new place
Post by: KrypticKat on September 11, 2017, 10:41:54 PM
Thank you both of you. These ideas are helpful! I've lived alone before I met my husband and I remember being a little anxious about it. But now thanks to the PTSD of how he died it just seems so much worse than I remember. But I think as I settle in and take some of your advice I'll feel more comfortable. It's all those new Little Steps right?
Title: Re: Moving to a new place
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on September 12, 2017, 12:44:49 AM
Congratulations KK.  I too had my own house before I met DH.  I know how it is to buy and live on my own.  It's all so different now though after I have loved deeply and lost and now on my own again.  Then I was young and excited in my purchase, career and life I was building at in my early 30's. It is all so different now being in my mid 50's and doing this after such a horrific loss fori me.  May you find comfort in your new home and start slowly to rebuild your life.
Title: Re: Moving to a new place
Post by: MR on September 12, 2017, 09:42:41 AM
Congrats KK..
I am not selling my house as both wanted to live in it (it is our 3rd house but her favorite) till my daughter goes to Uni. Now 3 more years before I can think as I don't want to break the promise. It is big for us and now I even have basement ready (started basement when she was here with me) and finally got projector and speakers setup so hopefully can spend some time there thinking about her.

Title: Re: Moving to a new place
Post by: Jennica on September 14, 2017, 09:37:21 PM
Congrats! I am still in our house. It has been a little over a year. I find comfort in being here. I think the move would freak me out more because it would be a new  beginning and my surroundings would be  new so that would make everything scary.. especially being alone there.
I too at times get freaked out about it just being me and the kids. I don't leave my windows open either at night time. I always make sure doors are locked. I am still telling myself one day I will buy that rifle. I would have no idea how to use it but I keep telling myself I'm gonna buy one.
Title: Re: Moving to a new place
Post by: KrypticKat on September 19, 2017, 10:53:59 PM
Day two in the new place. I just had a complete meltdown sitting on the stair. As I was trying to empty a box in the kitchen a container of Panko bread crumbs opened up and completely coated one of my bed sheets I was using to protect some other belongings. I've had a long day and I was tired so I shook the sheet out and took it down to the washing machine. I tested the washing machine just like you're supposed to do when you get your first place and it worked on the first day. But then upon closer inspection today I noticed this black gunk in the front of the machine. A quick Google told me it's something called scrum. Weird I've never had to use this word before. How could I miss something like this? I asked myself. My husband would have caught little details like this. My husband would have told me this house wasn't worth buyingperiod is the gardens needed extra love. Because it's too old and needed some repairs. Because the other owner had obviously done some DIY stuff and hadn't done a good job. I feel over my head in a bit like I'm drowning today. There's so much to do. Maybe I should have stayed in our apartment.
Title: Re: Moving to a new place
Post by: Bunny on September 20, 2017, 06:44:59 PM
No, it's good. It will be okay. Home-ownership can be super overwhelming, but as time goes on you will get your sea legs and it will be fine and you will make this house your home. (As for your washer- do you have any tea tree oil? I've used it in the past on mold issues...)
Title: Re: Moving to a new place
Post by: Julester3 on September 20, 2017, 09:48:53 PM
Everything will be okay. You are going to put your stamp into this home and make it yours. Moving generally is overwhelming and all homes have hidden issues. It comes with the territory. You Google things, you research, and you'll find your own way. Hugs!