Young Widow Forum

Specific Situations => Young Widowed Parents => Topic started by: CJF on September 10, 2017, 08:25:55 PM

Title: Just overwhelmed
Post by: CJF on September 10, 2017, 08:25:55 PM
My son recently left for college and for the most part it's going well but today an issue came up and I'm having a hard time dealing with it on my own.  This is one of those times I really need my husband here to discuss it with.  There's nobody as emotionally invested in a kid as their parents which makes me feel very alone when issues come up.  I guess this part doesn't get easier as time passes. 
Title: Re: Just overwhelmed
Post by: Trying on September 10, 2017, 09:21:23 PM
I completely get what you are saying, no one can ever be as invested in our kids.  This has been the most consistently difficult part of being widowed for me over the 4 years. 

I would be happy to be an ear for you but I know nothing can replace having your husband there by your side in this.
Title: Re: Just overwhelmed
Post by: sojourner on September 10, 2017, 09:40:17 PM
Feeling for you- am walking in shoes about that same size give or take, and I get how it is. :-\
Title: Re: Just overwhelmed
Post by: Julester3 on September 10, 2017, 11:20:23 PM
I totally get it. Both my kids have IEP's and when there are issues, man, the feeling is crushing without that ability to talk it through with your partner. Well you could theoretically still but we literally get no feedback or conversation that isn't imaginary and that sucks. I often tell myself what would be worse is someone else taking my right to parent and that fires me up a bit. Hugs for you. It's not easy.
Title: Re: Just overwhelmed
Post by: CJF on September 13, 2017, 12:46:02 PM
Thanks for the replies.  So sad that we all have to go thru this.
The friend that I thought I could talk with about it that night never replied to my phone call or text, which made me feel even worse.  That is what makes this site so great - you can always count on someone to lend an ear.  It worked out after all and I got thru it - until next time.
Title: Re: Just overwhelmed
Post by: Stagger Onward Rejoicing on September 13, 2017, 03:02:17 PM
My son left for college eight months after his dad died, and his sister two years after that. It was so hard to say goodbye to them because I was also saying goodbye to the part of me that took care of three other people.

I frogmarched my son to the counseling center when I dropped him off, so he could know where it is. He did end up using it.

He is 24 on Friday, has a great girlfriend, did well in school and is interviewing for a great job tomorrow.  His sister is a senior in college, also doing well, has a great boyfriend.

So they're both doing well by any measure but it will never never ever be okay that they have achieved all this without their father being there to celebrate with them and wipe a tear away with me. And that he will never know the people who will likely be their spouses. He would have liked both of them so much.
Title: Re: Just overwhelmed
Post by: MadPage on September 13, 2017, 11:46:45 PM
Only parenting is one of the loneliest thing I have experienced after Gail's passing. 5 of our 6 kids were 18+ yet only one was living out of the house when she passed.

The minor was 14. Gail was suppose to deal with her while I quietly helped in the background (at least that was my plan) with buying dresses for dances, help finding a GYN, dealing with her first love first heartbreak....

In the beginning I was asking for advice. Then I realized that no one knew her like I did, no one shared my parenting ideas. Finally I just went upstairs to my room. I might cry, I might laugh and more often than not I would just say "you are suppose to help me with this Gail". After one or all of these emotions ran through me I always came to the same conclusion. I had to make my decisions on how to deal with it and do it. Good, bad or ugly. It was just the two of us.

Now that she has moved out I find that she is the only one that I "miss". They all stop by, I enjoy every minute I have with all of them. I love them all equally. I don't understand and can not express why. I just miss her and have no one to discuss it with.
Title: Re: Just overwhelmed
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on September 14, 2017, 04:57:33 AM
Welcome MP to the group nobody wants to join but glad you found us.  Missing her is most certainly understandable.  You spent the last 7 yrs with her and now I'm assuming you are alone in the house.
I have 5 siblings so I know how busy your house used to be and get how hard it must be now.  Could it possibly be that there is some lingering grief that you are just getting to experience now?  I don't know, just saying.
Title: Re: Just overwhelmed
Post by: CJF on September 14, 2017, 09:39:38 AM
Only parenting is one of the loneliest thing I have experienced after Gail's passing.

I 100% agree.  I've learned to deal with most of the other issues that have come up since my husband died, but this is the hardest and loneliest thing for me.
Title: Re: Just overwhelmed
Post by: Captains wife on September 25, 2017, 07:53:05 AM
The single parenting is so tough : ( I've had a few issues with my son (on IEP, developmental issues) and I find it overwhelming to deal with alone. I hate sitting in all these school/teacher meetings alone. Completely understand and hope the issue gets resolved.