Young Widow Forum

Socializing => Social Encounters => Topic started by: Kaycee on October 14, 2017, 11:41:55 PM

Title: Why am I so nervous?
Post by: Kaycee on October 14, 2017, 11:41:55 PM
Well, since my last entry things have been hard. I have had a lot of days where I just lay in bed and cry but yesterday and today were a little bit better. I have had a million different emotions about the way things ended with the guy that hurt me so much and I'm not really interested in jumping into anything else right now. However today a male friend of mine who I talk to from time to time ask me if I thought about dating. I didn't tell him about the mess I had just been through. I just said I had thought about it and I had been hurt a lot so I was scared. He mentioned that he had dated a few girls and told me a few funny stories. So then he said since we were friends that he would be glad to take me out sometime and there would be no strings attached. I accepted and now I'm scared to death. I haven't been on a real date in years. The last guy I was with was a bum and I had to pay for everything. I don't think things will go anywhere with this guy but who knows.  It may sound crazy but after my last relationship I don't know how to handle someone being nice to me. I'm more guarded now so I kind of know what to look out for. Has anyone else had feelings like this? What was it like dating again for everyone else?
Title: Re: Why am I so nervous?
Post by: jgib on October 15, 2017, 12:20:48 AM
Just go with it.  Don’t think about it going anywhere, just think about it as practise.
I have a high school friend that had a crush back then contact me.  He has a much younger girlfriend so I made it very clear that he is totally off limits but we keep in contact.  He texts me and we are friendly and when he pushes the line I pull him up.  He knows we are friends and nothing more.  I am not like that.  We have gone for lunch a couple of times, I have told him I need practice.......  It is a nice, safe way to work back into it.
Be honest and upfront and then no one gets hurt and enjoy the comfortable, social interaction.
Title: Re: Why am I so nervous?
Post by: arneal on October 25, 2017, 03:00:30 PM
^ what jgib said! You set the tone, you've already shared you've had some bad experiences. Leave it at that. Don't go too deep if you aren't sure of his intention; sometimes folks who seem okay turn out to be the ones preying on us when we are vulnerable, as you have already experienced. I had a dreadful experience (at least to me -- nothing bad actually happened but I felt I opened myself up too much to someone I didn't know) the first time I tried online dating. I then made sure to protect myself. I asked a lot of questions but didn't give too much away about myself. When I decided to meet for the first time, I made sure 1) two of my closest friends at least knew where I was going, 2) they were asked to call me if I texted them to say I needed to get out of there -- the plan was I'd go to the restroom and text them, they would call me once I got back to the table, and I would say I needed to go to take care of a situation with work, 3) I got there early to scope out the scene -- if he didn't look right, I didn't hang around. My online profile was very up front -- I have guard dogs, I am very self-sufficient, I was not looking for casual flings but friendship leading to something meaningful. If approached by someone who seemed after just sex, I set the scene right away.

This is a bit different for you because you know this person. However, if you feel the need to protect yourself, do so. It's your journey and no one can or should rush you. All the best and hope it is wonderful should you all get together!
Title: Re: Why am I so nervous?
Post by: Kaycee on October 27, 2017, 09:23:25 PM
It neveItworked out. He is coming out of a relationship and seemed very hurt. I told him upfront that I only wanted to be friends.I think the fact that I'm a widow and he knew my husband somewhat was a little hard for him to deal with. So he kind of backed off which is fine with me. I hope we do stay friends though.
Title: Re: Why am I so nervous?
Post by: arneal on October 27, 2017, 09:37:27 PM
Thanks for the update Kaycee. Rooting for you!