Young Widow Forum

Time Frame => Beyond the First Year (1+ years) => Topic started by: Gem on December 22, 2017, 02:32:19 PM

Title: i just dont know how to move on
Post by: Gem on December 22, 2017, 02:32:19 PM
       i dont know how much more i can take. im so sad, my tears just wont stop..i never new this kind of sadness existed, until this happened really sorry, im not the only one that has this kind of sadness..i hope everyone makes it through the holidays..
Title: Re: i just dont know how to move on
Post by: Wheelerswife on December 22, 2017, 02:50:04 PM
Being sad is really hard.  Holidays can be even harder.  I have spent some holidays alone...particularly my first Christmas after the loss of my first husband.  Thanksgiving hadn't gone well...nobody seemed to understand that my husband had died 2 months earlier and they just went on like nothing was wrong.

Christmas can be just another day if that is any easier.  Read a book, watch a movie, get Chinese take-out.  If being around friends and family is helpful -  then do that, of course.

I managed to find happiness again after the loss of my first husband, but have struggled more since losing my second husband.  I know many people who have found different ways to be happy after being widowed, and I continue to hold onto hope that I will find satisfaction again in my personal life and another wonderful relationship, too.  I don't know what you want for yourself, but in between the low points, I hope you can envision good things happening for yourself again.  It isn't the life we wanted, but it is the life we have right now.  I hate being miserable, so I have to believe that I will find a way out of the darkness.

Hugs to you,

Title: Re: i just dont know how to move on
Post by: Gem on December 22, 2017, 03:50:24 PM
Thank u Maureen .....Hugs Back to You
Title: Re: i just dont know how to move on
Post by: Julester3 on December 22, 2017, 04:31:26 PM
It's hard to break that feeling of infinite sadness. It takes so much of your energy. I recommend trying to find a diversion - anything that can work so you can have a break. Movies, a book, a walk, exercise, anything. You're not truly alone if you remember we're here for you. We're only one post away. Hugs!
Title: Re: i just dont know how to move on
Post by: hachi on December 22, 2017, 04:46:47 PM
Hi Gem,

I don't know your story. But I know that I never really knew how to move on either. I just kept waking up every day and trying again. I know I tried to think of the holidays as "just a day" as Maureen said. I was happy to have friends and family who understood that I would try to "be there" as much as I could. But I always had an escape route. Always had my own car. I left early alot, but always attempted to "show up"

Somehow, going through those motions helped me. There were even a few moments where I felt normal. However brief those moments were, they gave me a little hope. I remember the first time I laughed out loud... had a memory that made me smile and not break down with the sadness of missing him...  my first "happy anniversary"   Lots of different moments with mixtures of happiness and sadness.

This will be my sixth Christmas without my DH. I have an added feeling this year of "well, it's not a big marker like 5, so do I get to feel the same way? Who will understand?"

Thankfully, there is always someone here with an encouraging word. Hang in there, it is, as they say, the season of hope. I am not much of a Christian these days, but I do feel the hope.

You are not alone...


Title: Re: i just dont know how to move on
Post by: Jennica on December 27, 2017, 05:29:32 AM
Hi Gem,

This was my second Christmas without my husband. I don't know if I can ever go back to doing the same Christmas again, way too hard. I found my self needing to do something different. The first Christmas, the kids and I went to a hotel near by. The kids had fun swimming, we just kept busy. Second one we did a vacation, it didn't even feel like Christmas. That has worked for me. I am tired of being sad and have decided I am the only one that can improve our situation. These things kept my mind busy which made me able to get through the holidays. It's very hard to move forward, there are so many emotions with all of this. I think keeping your mind occupied will help.

Title: Re: i just dont know how to move on
Post by: Amor on January 07, 2018, 09:51:02 AM
Hi Gem,
I am so sorry you are going through this.  Winston Churchill " When you find yourself in hell keep going.
I have found this helpful.  It does not seem to move on but having to go through grief in our own journey.  This hell on earth is unbelievably hard.  Treat yourself as if you are healing from a really bad burn.  The pain will lessen but you will always have a scar.
Wishing you peace and comfort through these rough days.