Young Widow Forum

Time Frame => Shock Wears Off, Reality Sets In ( 6 to 12 months) => Topic started by: kflex on March 06, 2018, 09:40:11 AM

Title: Total Apathy
Post by: kflex on March 06, 2018, 09:40:11 AM
Is reaching a place where you're just numb and totally apathetic to everything and everyone normal? I'm 7.5 months out since losing my husband, and I've found that most of the time I feel nothing now. I even went on a vacation with my kids and family to Mexico and felt absolutely nothing. No excitement to be there. Was a lot of work to pack and live out of a suitcase.  It was nice to escape Wisco winter, and not have to go to work, but I couldn't even find happiness there. There are glimmers: I can take some joy knowing that my kids had fun, I wasn't a basket case, although I was sad because J was missing, but otherwise, I basically just moved my numbness from cold to warm. I'm afraid that by NOT feeling, I'm letting go. I don't want to be a walking, talking zombie. But maybe this is normal? 
Title: Re: Total Apathy
Post by: Leadfeather on March 06, 2018, 09:47:59 AM
Yes it is. Been there. Still go there on occasion. At one point I actually liked being numb because it was better than feeling all the feelings I was feelling. Accept it, process it, and you will eventually move through it.
Title: Re: Total Apathy
Post by: kflex on March 06, 2018, 09:51:05 AM
Leadfeather, I know what you mean. I welcome it, because at least I'm not crying all the time. Or angry. But at the same time, I'm afraid not to feel. Sometimes i really think that I need to get off of my antidepressants, LOL.
Title: Re: Total Apathy
Post by: Mizpah on March 06, 2018, 11:15:35 AM
Sounds very normal to me.  The body and mind can't keep up that level of suffering.  The numbness is confusing and strange, but definitely normal (for an abnormal situation).
Title: Re: Total Apathy
Post by: MR on March 06, 2018, 01:39:03 PM
It is normal. It might be another few weeks/month or a year before you feel little normal. We  can never be same again as loss is deep.
Title: Re: Total Apathy
Post by: twin_mom on March 06, 2018, 11:17:44 PM
While it is a normal stage many of us cycle through, since you mentioned antidepressants in a later post - make sure you're on a correct dose/ a med that works for you. While I didn't take antidepressants when I became widowed, I did for my PPD after giving birth to the twins and started feeling very apathetic like you described, cutting my dosage really helped because while I wasn't feeling such severe lows, I wasn't feeling the highs either anymore on the higher dosage.
Title: Re: Total Apathy
Post by: beth_krkswidow on March 07, 2018, 07:14:06 PM
Absolutely  one hundred percent normal.

So so sorry.
Title: Re: Total Apathy
Post by: Bunny on March 11, 2018, 11:36:02 AM
So normal. I remember in my first year a friend took me to an animal sanctuary (because I love animals) and I got to bottle feed baby deer, hand feed strawberries to a turtle, and pet a capybara. I felt nothing.

I feel like I should add: it will be 6 years June 11th and - at this point- any one of those aforementioned activities would have me over the moon with joy. So, yeah, apathy is part of the journey but it is by no means the final destination.