Young Widow Forum

Young Widow Forum => General Discussion => Topic started by: Alexswife on April 03, 2015, 04:17:32 PM

Title: Buying A Car
Post by: Alexswife on April 03, 2015, 04:17:32 PM
For the past year, I have been borrowing my sister's car that is too small for her family to use. We are the type of family that helps each other out any way that we can. When I got my tax return the other week, I was sooo excited because I FINALLY had enough money to pay down on a headstone.

Tuesday night, I got an ugly text from my sister's husband telling me that he needs to sell that car and I could either buy it or he could sell it to someone else. It's a hunk of junk so I will be taking my headstone down payment and getting a car instead. Oh and my sister, who is my best friend, is not really talking to me because I smarted off about her husband.

I'm going car shopping tomorrow. I'm so nervous. I know I don't want anything black and especially not a toyota because Alex died in a black toyota. I keep thinking about when I signed the loan for my car that Alex wrecked. I picked up that pen and signed his life away or that's how it feels.

I know that if I sign papers tomorrow, I will be fighting back tears because my mind will be thinking about how he died in that car. If I had never signed that papers to buy that stupid toyota then maybe he would still be here.

Anyway, wish me luck tomorrow.
Title: Re: Buying A Car
Post by: Baylee627 on April 03, 2015, 05:05:57 PM
I wish you the best possible experience car shopping/purchasing tomorrow. My hope for you is that it will even be something you can count as having been positive.

Meanwhile, I am sorry about the mean-spirited text from your BIL. It would be a wonderful world, indeed, if we ALL didn't have to worry about selecting and financing a headstone for our young spouse. Too bad your BIL doesn't remember that.

I suspect your sister and you will mend fences, and I hope this occurs sooner rather than later. Life's too short for her to waste any of it being miffed at her sis/BFF, especially one who needs her

I understand the propensity to self-re criminate on what we coulda/shouldawoulda done to prevent our spouses' untimely demises. Scenarios like these encircle my head like a ticker tape all too often. You already realize, as I do, they ultimately answer no questions or change any circumstance. Still, it's hard to shut it off, not to feel like you're coming unraveled by it, and I feel for your pain. You love/loved Alex so much, and that rings true in all of your posts.

Check back in and fill us in on how the car shopping went, ok, AW?


*Edited for clarity.
Title: Re: Buying A Car
Post by: mokie on April 04, 2015, 10:13:26 AM
Good luck on the car shopping.  That can be a daunting experience.  And sorry about the mean text from your BIL... Why don't some people realize a nice request works just as good as a nasty one, and makes things better for the future.  Sounds like he may have been stewing on this for quite awhile, and let it blow up at the end.  How were you supposed to read his mind?

I understand about the emotional aspects of this.  Even though you can logically tell yourself the color or type of car made no difference in his death... Well, our brains don't always work on logic. 

Have fun, and let us know what you found!
Title: Re: Buying A Car
Post by: nonesuch on April 04, 2015, 08:16:37 PM
Good luck.  I'm older than most of you all "young" young widows.  Maybe I can add perspective.

Cars are one thing that are way better than they used to be.  When my Mom and Dad got married, cars were cheaper, true, but they didn't last very long.  it's quite possible to keep a car ten or twelve years now.  My last car was  twelve years old before a freak thing went wrong and made it not worth fixing (for me, someone bought it)

The car before that was going strong and I caused the accident the totaled it. 

if you don't want a Toyota, Hondas are fine. Yep, a Honda Civic is kind of a Granny car, but it's reliable, and the parts that wear out and have to be replaced (brakes, tires,) are readily available and reasonably priced.  Hyundais have a good reputation.  I bought one.  In April, Consumer Reports Car issue will come out, and advise you which makes and models are problematic and which are reliable.  Best wishes.

oh, and cars are pretty safe, too.  I ran a tire flat two nights ago.  Thought the tire was toast.  Road service man took a look at it, found the sheet metal screw that flattened it, pulled it out and plugged the tire.  Then told me the sidewall was not toast, and I was good to go.  Cars cause me a lot of anxiety because all i know is that I put gas in and they go.  I'd have no idea if someone was ripping me off or not, but I have a good  mechanic, and a good dealership. 

Best wishes.  I like shopping as a rule, but i don't like shopping for cars.
Title: Re: Buying A Car
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on April 05, 2015, 12:12:43 AM
Just bought a 2011 Honda CRV and I love driving it. Had 2 accords before this one so you could say I'm a honda girl all the way. DH bought me a pink honda ball cap a few years ago. He knew :)
You can do this. I bought all my cars by myself. DH said you now how to buy a car, you don't need me.  He was right :)

Title: Re: Buying A Car
Post by: Alexswife on April 05, 2015, 03:15:39 AM
Thanks y'all for the support and advice.

Yesterday was a very emotional day for me. I guess that explains why I'm awake at 4:00 in the morning. I did end up buying a car. A chevy sonic. It's WAY above the budget I had set for myself and that makes me nervous. I can afford the payments with no problem at all but I like to shop every now and then, that will not be happening for a while. I love the car but I'm scared that I've made the wrong decision. My parents went with me. My dad thought everything was priced right and that I was getting a good deal. I trust his judgement.

I'm a planner, a thinker. I never make big decisions on a whim like this but because I was so furious with BIL I was determined to get a car today.

The most difficult part of the day was calling the insurance company. The man on the phone says, "I see Kevin(Alex) is listed on your policy as well, do you want me to remove him?" Ugh, Why does every thing have to hurt so bad.

Thanks again for all of your support. (((Hugs)))
Title: Re: Buying A Car
Post by: Munsen on April 05, 2015, 01:17:31 PM
I 'understand' this. I just traded the last vehicle hubby ever bought me on a new one. At 6 years of age and growing unreliability, it was time but it was definitely hard. So many memories of the times I'd gone with him to wheel and deal on a new vehicle.

I hope I 'done good' as I was alone but I tried to remember all the questions he once asked. Later when I talked it over with my grown sons, they thought I'd gotten a good deal and that helped me. They also told me that if he was alive my old car would never have made it to the 6 year mark without being traded either. Which is true but, I confess I was really sad to leave that old vehicle behind, knowing that was the last vehicle he had helped pick out for me and that he would never drive this new car.

In another memory of my hubby & vehicles. He would never bring a new vehicle home without us having to take a 'test drive' to 'break it in'. The last vehicle had been less than a week old and he'd already put on several thousand miles 'checking it out'. I had this one a month before it hit a thousand kilometers! Oh, what a difference. lol  :P

((Hugs)) and I'm sure you did well.  :)
Title: Re: Buying A Car
Post by: IfIonlycould on April 05, 2015, 01:50:14 PM
Good job AW not easy but you did it!
Title: Re: Buying A Car
Post by: Alexswife on April 05, 2015, 07:28:51 PM
Thanks, y'all. I'm feeling much more confident in my choice today. I do love my new car. I just wish Alex were here to see it.

My sister says, "it must be nice." I would trade everything I own for just one more day with Alex. She has a husband and beautiful children. It must be nice.
Title: Re: Buying A Car
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on April 06, 2015, 10:41:17 AM
So sorry AW your sister had to say that stupid thing to you. If only they knew.
Title: Re: Buying A Car
Post by: MrsDan on April 06, 2015, 11:47:58 AM
I am continually amazed by all the stuff you are able to make yourself do. Cars, it must be so hard man. I know for myself, it's hard enough dealing with the ubiquity of alcohol in our society. There are triggers and reminders everywhere. But cars, they are so completely woven into modern life. But you face it with strength.

Your sister's comment reminds me of something my sister of being jealous of the soffits on my house. I thought, really you have a live husband; wanna trade?
Title: Re: Buying A Car
Post by: mokie on April 06, 2015, 04:41:24 PM
I'm glad you're feeling good about your decision today.  And sorry about your sister's comment.  You wouldn't have had to go get one if they hadn't been so snotty about taking back the one you were borrowing.  Oh, and calling the insurance company?  Ugh.

But here's the really important question... What color is it? ;D
Title: Re: Buying A Car
Post by: Alexswife on April 06, 2015, 06:20:13 PM
But here's the really important question... What color is it? ;D

It's white. The complete opposite of black. :)
Title: Re: Buying A Car
Post by: mokie on April 06, 2015, 06:27:19 PM
But here's the really important question... What color is it? ;D

It's white. The complete opposite of black. :)