Young Widow Forum

Young Widow Forum => General Discussion => Topic started by: Lisa on March 08, 2015, 03:53:09 PM

Title: introduce yourself here
Post by: Lisa on March 08, 2015, 03:53:09 PM
Welcome


If you posted already on the last forum, you can copy and paste here...


Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Lisa on March 08, 2015, 03:55:27 PM
My husband was in poor health but not sick if that makes sense. His death was very sudden right in front of me. At 5 years it hit me just how shocking the whole thing was. I too lost my identity when he died. I was a grown woman and only knew him 8 years. Yet his love had that much of an impact on my life. I was disabled from employment when he died. I still am. I live with his young adult stepson who has some special needs. Im now his guardian. We moved 5 weeks after he died and downsized and moved again a little over 2 years ago. My husband's organs were not suitable for transplant but we donated tissue. He gave sight to two people and his bone etc helped 36 additional people. He was not registered so I had to make the decision. This is why I encourage people to register so their loved ones don't have to make that decision in the worst moments of their lives. Also I know people who lost their loved ones waiting. The details are uncomfortable to think about it but I am very proud of our choice and his legacy. He was the love of my life. I miss him but I am mostly used to it now. The reason I am ok is because of the people online when the worst happened and those who are truly a part of my life now.




Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Jen on March 08, 2015, 06:14:34 PM
I'm Jen-- Just Jen now, but I was Jim's Jen, until he died suddenly and unexpectedly from a pulmonary embolism three days after his 40th birthday. I was at work-- he texted me at 3:30 to tell me he was going to get the kids from school. At 4:16 my older son called me to say, "He can't breathe and he's turning blue. What do I do?" I told him to call 911, hung up, and raced home. When I got there, the paramedics were already working on him-- he was fighting the oxygen. His heart rate started dropping, and they began coding him for real. They moved him to the ambulance; I think he was already gone by then, but they took him to the emergency room (literally across the street). He was pronounced at 5:26. My life ended along with his that day-- almost 11 months later, I look back and can scarcely believe I've made it this far. I'm still in hell, but finding sunlight peeking in here and there... I found some hope again, and a handful of reasons to live-- mainly thanks to this community.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: kmouse on March 08, 2015, 07:28:50 PM
I went back to YWBB thinking I'd do a cut 'n paste of what brought me here/there...had to click out of there. So many memories.

It's been almost 6 years since I lost my husband Richard to a sudden heart attack. Long story short, my lifelong athlete husband with no personal or family history of heart disease called me home from a normal Monday at work because he wasn't feeling well and less than 30 minutes later I was a young widow of 37. It's still shocking that so much story can be distilled to two sentences.

I don't know how to encapsulate my history with the board, the friendships I've made, the second chance at love I found at YWBB in Lonepanda, the late night chat sessions that make me grateful that chat didn't have a history function  :P, the miles and miles and miles I've walked along a road I didn't know existed. I've read that grief is love turned inside out; I feel like I've explored fathoms deep pain and joy commensurate with the enormity of just how much I adored that sweet man. I'm grateful beyond words to be on the other side of all that pain and I know Richard would be so proud of how far I've come, but there will always be that part of me that lives and loves in a far away place with him.

A wise vet on YWBB said once that her husband lived in two places years out from loss. He lived in her mind and she could freely talk about him, laugh at the great times, help other wids along the way. And then there was the place he REALLY lived...in her heart. It was in that place where the intensity of love and loss still circulated deeply and vividly. That's where I find myself, looking at beginning my seventh year without him. There's the Richard I can talk about with others easily and the smiles come automatically. That's the me (and him) that people these days see, especially as a remarried widow. And then there's the real me (and him) standing behind that door in my heart. He's standing there and I can't talk as easily and the emotions lift and swirl and take me to other places. I'm so glad all of that still, and will always, live in me because I will always need to open the door and step inside to remember.

Kudos to the crew working to rebuild what has been a lifesaver. I found the board on day two, made my first post on day 13, and leave behind on the board about 2,200 posts of some seriously good, bad, and ugly. I don't need the board like I did, but I still need to know it's there.

Kmouse...still wordy after all these years
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Chopperette on March 08, 2015, 07:32:53 PM
Hi, I'm Chopperette. My husband of 24 years, was a healthy 52 yo. He was a helicopter pilot (hence my screen name). He had hypertension but was medicated and had it under control. He had a week were he couldn't bring his BP down. But was feeling better, he even went flying Saturday at noon. That Saturday night he complained of a splitting headache we barely slept that night. I kept asking him if he wanted to go to the hospital but he kept refusing. Sunday morning (St Patrick's Day ha the luck of the Irish wasn't with me) he went downstairs and fed the dogs. When he came to our room he started to get dressed and I asked him where he was going. He didn't answer me. He went downstairs and yelled to me to take him to the hospital. I told him that I'll take him as soon as I got dressed. When I came down, he had the car running, the garage door opened and he was seated in the copilot's seat. I drove him to the nearest hospital and he complained that I was driving too fast, which I wasn't I think he was dizzy. I noticed that he wasn't wearing his seat belt and asked him to buckle up. He told me he couldn't see but he was able to do it anyway. When we were 2 blocks from the hospital his breathing got labored and he was rigid for a second. I just rubbed his arm and told him to hang in there, that we were really close to the hospital. When we got there I noticed both his hands were curled. I was told he answered some questions but his speech got slurred. Shortly he lost conscious and was put on a ventilator. The doctors said it was a ruptured brain aneurysm. He had two procedures but there was no brain activity at all. He finally passed away Thursday March 21st/2013, 4 days before my 48th birthday. I'm trying to do my best to survive and support my 25 yo son and 21 yo daughter. OH in case you were wondering my profile pic was taken during his burial. There were several helicopters flying over us (most of them were his students) and throwing rose petals. It was beautiful and touching.

Also an important fact... I'm from Guatemala, so English is not my first language, so sometimes I have difficulty expressing myself (so I always edit my posts)
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: anniegirl on March 08, 2015, 07:34:51 PM
Thank you Jess for your quick thinking and action (again - lol).

I am not an "old-timer" b/c I wasn't part of the founding set of the YWBB but I am from a time before the majority of you and my account has been dormant for a while. I peeked in from time to time but didn't want to intrude.

I did re-up, as I hope others will, but haven't any plans to add to the conversations (beyond maybe at some point sharing my story) b/c I think that sometimes, it's better (maybe best) for people to grieve and heal with other who are "in it", and for those of us who are many, many years past and on to new lives to just keep our opinions to ourselves. But that's jmo.

I can tell you that the founders didn't close the board lightly (though I think they should have been more upfront with the current active members than they were). They would have kept it up if they could have. But if I were you, I'd be angry too. A lot of history (and I spent a lot of time searching the old post at YWBB) will be lost that is valuable and helped me a lot.

So, this is probably my only post (again). But I wish you all well in your journeys. It is a journey, imo, though one that no one signs up for or enjoys. You will get through it. Everything will be different, but someday it will be okay again and it might even be better than okay.

Back when I lost my first husband in 2006, the only thing I wanted to know was "when?" will it be okay. Where is the end of this? There's happiness again, right?

It does. There is.

I can't put a finger on when that day arrived. Not even in retrospect. It sneaks up on you day by day. But it arrives for the vast majority of us. Most of the people I met at the YWBB, and still am in contact with, are settled and well today.

I am married now (to a fellow wid I met on the YWBB). Life is good.

Never let anyone tell you there is a right way to grieve or rebuild. There's your way and what's right for you is right. Don't compare yourself to others. Don't worry if your drumbeat is different. Don't ever doubt that you have something valuable to share or that what you share isn't the one thing that someone else really needed to hear today.

Good luck. As the venerable Ann E. always reminded us way back in the day "be gentle with yourselves", and remember, even when it doesn't feel like it, it is going to be okay again. Really. It will.

Annie
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Vettie on March 08, 2015, 08:08:14 PM
Vettie here (AKA YIslander) My husband of 9 years got sick two years before he died but it was non life threatening. He got really sick over Christmas in 2011 and died January 9, 2012. He died of sepsis because he was on immunosupressants and his body could not fight the infection. Worst day of my life. Second worst day of my life was going home to tell the 7, 4 and 1 year old. The 18 year old was there when he died. It sucked. We have come a long way since then but it is still painful.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Baylee627 on March 08, 2015, 08:14:39 PM
I'm Baylee, and my husband died almost a year ago from a brain tumor and anti-epileptic drug withdrawal seizures. He was 37 years old.

His brain tumor was incidentally discovered during a routine sinus CT three months after we had tied the knot. He only lived a year and a half after that.

Our time together was fleeting, but he will continue to occupy my heart.

Baylee
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: rememberingjason on March 08, 2015, 08:16:13 PM
I lost my husband to suicide right at 4 years this month.

Thanks to those who thought quickly to find a safe place for us to share.

Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: AnnaMarie on March 08, 2015, 08:29:25 PM
Hello,
I, too, am from YWBB.  I wouldn't consider myself an 'old timer' as I wasn't one of the founding members and I didn't post as frequently as many but I have been around for about 10 years.  I was AnnaMarie on that board as well.

I have to echo Anniegirl on many things.  I am joining to support this board, maintain the ability to contact all those from YWBB that are still around and to provide support for any who are looking to speak with someone who is farther out on the journey.  I probably won't check the board super frequently and won't be doing a lot of posting (at least that I can foresee right now) but please feel free to contact me if you want to talk.

My story is that I was widowed unexpectedly 10 years ago.  My husband, who was 30 years old at the time, had a heart attack while we were backpacking on an island.

I am now remarried with two boys and life is pretty good.  Like many, back in the beginning I just wanted to know when I would be "better".  When would the grieving would be over?  In my experience, it is never truly gone but it gets so very much better.  I still cry occasionally, I still hurt, I still wonder the what if's.  At this point, I miss what we had and were more than him specifically.  Mostly, I laugh and smile at my memories.  I am blessed to have family and friends who let me remember and talk all these years later.

My two cents on grief...Grieve at your own time and your own pace.  Be honest with yourself, don't hide from it - I never knew anyone who benefited from pretending they were okay.  There is no right way or deadline to be "better".  One year isn't a magical number...neither is 10.  This is a process that is met daily (some days with more grace than others!).  I found that it was better to get to the point where I was okay just being me before I could be good for others.  This isn't the path all take but it worked for me.  Finally, give yourself some slack to not be perfect and extend that to the people who love you.  No one knows all the right things to say and do - if they are trying and reaching out, they probably love you and are doing the best they can.

Wishing peace, comfort and healing to all who have made their way to this place.  I hope this board is a place where all wids can go to talk to someone who "gets it".  The YWBB was truly a blessing for me and I am hoping that this community will be the same to others.

Peace,
Anna

Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: SimiRed on March 08, 2015, 08:36:17 PM
Hello, I?m SimiRed from YWBB, I just kept the same name here.  I lost my husband of 19 years to cancer 5 ?  years ago after his six year battle.  It was a horrific way to die, I will never ever forget it.  But, more importantly, I will never ever forget the wonderful husband that I had for 19 wonderful years and the young man I met when he was 12 years old.  I loved him, I love him still, through the good times and the bad.

We have a handsome, brilliant and respectful fourteen year old son now. Who reminds me of his Daddy every day by the way he walks, talks and sometimes just by the way he does silly little things.

Josef has also been through a lot.  No child should watch their parent die, no three year old should have to watch their father suffer and be in pain for six years.  But, this wonderful son of mine is just like his Dad...he's strong willed, determined and never gives up.  So, with his head held high...he has maintained straight A's in school since his father passed away.  He has continued with his music, he loves playing the piano...he played it at his Dad's memorial service, and still makes me proud to hear his fingers move on the keyboard and create beautiful music. 

Rick has been gone for almost six years now. Wow. Six years. It feels like yesterday and an eternity all at the same time. I know I would not be in the place I am today if it were not for the people who listened to my story and sent me cyber hugs and reassured me along the way that I could make it on this journey.

My Rick, I love you, I miss you with all my heart.  There are days I still need you by my side.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Sugarbell on March 08, 2015, 09:00:20 PM
Hello...I am Donell..known as Sugarbell on ywbb. My husband Ben died 7 1/2 years ago at the age of 34 to suicide-This week he would be turning 42. My 3 children were baby/toddler/preschooler when he died and are now wonderful 7, 10 and 12 year olds. The 4 of us kinda learned this new life together...but we are closer than I could've ever imagined now. (2 boys and a girl)

I call Ben now my "spirit bud" because about 4 years out...we started communicating with each other-And the waves of questions and emotions that come with suicide were finally answered and we were both at peace.

Everyone's journey and experiences are unique to them. We all find our own way vas there isn't a right or wrong way to do this widowhood stuff.

Thanks again to the techno savvy members again!! This site looks amazing. I hope new folks find the peace and comfort here I did in my early days-That there are people out there that get what you are going through!!

Peace and Love-D
Title: Rob's intro
Post by: RobFTC on March 08, 2015, 09:22:12 PM
Hi folks, I'm Rob. My wife Michelle died from ovarian cancer on November 7, 2010. She'd started having symptoms on a trip to Texas for Christmas in 2008, and got a diagnosis in January 2009. She was probably stage 4 at diagnosis, but she did a chemo-surgery-chemo regime that her oncologist recommended, which complicates staging. Her big surgery was in April, and the initial round of chemo was great ... but it came back. She fought like hell to put herself in the best possible place, despite knowing her odds. Later chemo rounds were not as successful. Her symptoms came back in July 2010, and she spent the last two weeks of August in the hospital. She came home with a considerably mobility impairment and some serious care needs, including full IV nutrition. On October 19th, 2010, she went to start another round of chemo, but they said it did not make sense. After a day of staring-at-walls shock, she laid down her fight and started ministering to her friends and family. She was a Christian and had no doubts about where she was bound. She promised to meet me in Heaven with a pitcher of margaritas, and I am going to hold her to that!

She was the smartest woman I've ever dated, but always had a way of meeting people where they were. I still miss her voice, her feistiness, her irreverent sense of humor and her laugh, and how she fit so well in my arms.

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: K_J on March 08, 2015, 09:26:39 PM
Hi, I'm K_J.  I suppose you could call me "second generation vintage", or something like that, as it's been almost 10.5yrs for me since my late husband M. died and I registered on YWBB.  M. died of lymphoma - he was 29, I was 28.  It was a very aggressive form of lymphoma, but as he was otherwise young and very healthy, he was expected to make it through the chemo and get into remission.  It didn't happen.  We tried everything we felt we could, but he died less than a year after he was diagnosed.  We knew each other growing up and got married not long after college, so we thought we had plenty of time before having kids.  But, instead of having kids around 28 or so, I was widowed.  :(

I had my ups and downs - the first couple of years were extremely difficult.  My pain at losing the family M and I had hoped to have was excruciating second only to the loss of M himself.  I certainly made my mistakes, that's for sure.  But I knew I had to do my best to be honest with myself in my grief - even if it was horrific at times.  And I truly think that helped me to get through the worst of it. 

I met my now-husband, L., a little over a year after M. died.  It was sooner than I would have chosen, but it worked out.  Despite fertility issues, we have two kids now, ages 5 and 2.  Being a mom is very hard at times, but it's amazing, and I am so thankful to have my kids and a great husband.  I know M. is happy for me. 

We moved back to M's and my hometown a couple of years ago, so that's been weird at times.  And M would have been 40 this spring - it is beyond bizarre to think about, given that he'll always be 29.  :(

So - I'm here.  I don't know how much I'll post.  But - I'm here.  Best to all the other widows here.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Trying on March 08, 2015, 09:46:05 PM
I was MissingMyTim on YWBB.  Tim and I met in college and we were one week shy of 20 years married when he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, he had his first day of chemo on our 20th anniversary.  He suffered greatly for 4 months and was gone.  Our boys were 9,15 and 17. I miss having a partner to share in my life and to share in the joys and struggles of parenting. 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: JeanGenie on March 08, 2015, 09:48:25 PM
I'm Jeanne and browsed YWBB but posted rarely. Met some good friends and found a lot of support from you all and so with a new board, I will try to make a renewed commitment to be more active/involved. That said...

Ed and I were together 31 years (I was 19, he was 29...a much older man!), married 29 years. Ed was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer in December 2009. He started chemo immediately. We knew he was terminal and so we were committed to at least extending his life with chemo (surgery was not an option at that time). Ed continued chemo every 2 weeks over what ended up being 3+ years. During that time he continued to work full-time and our lives were fairly "normal" since he had minimal, if any, side effects from the chemo. Looking back, those 3 years were a gift. Ed would set milestones and one of his biggest goals was to see our only son graduate from college--which he survived to see in May 2012. Looking back, after surviving the first year after his diagnosis, we focused less on dying and more on living. And since he had minimal side effects or outward sides of "having cancer" it was easy to forget.

So when on March 26, 2013, he had severe abdominal pain and we had to call 911, we really weren't prepared for what came next. Ed ended up having emergency surgery (colostomy) and then we naively thought he'd be coming home after some rehab. That never happened. After more complications, he passed on April 22, 2013.

As much as I still miss him every day, I sometimes consider myself lucky that we had these 3 years since his diagnosis because it was the best years of our lives. And the last year, our son moved back home after graduation until he found full-time work. We had great quality family time and vacations together. And before Ed went into the hospital in March, our son did find a full-time job and we got him settled into his own apartment that February. At some level, I think my husband knew he could now rest since our son was well on his way.

And as awful as Ed's last month of life in the hospital was, I am grateful that I was with him every day during that month and that he died knowing he was the most important thing in my life. I was able to take a leave from work and I know he died knowing without a doubt that I loved him.

And for that I am grateful...
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Shawn823 on March 08, 2015, 09:50:06 PM
Hi, I?m Shawn. My husband Blaine and I were best friends for 29 years and married for the last 16 of those. We met when we were both in the same internal medicine residency program and he was the resident supervisor on the same team on which I was an intern. We had an instant connection?-he was an amazing physician with an enormous compassion for others, but the other side of him of was pure wiseass. He had a totally irreverent sense of humor, a boisterous laugh, and a joie de vivre that simply was not in my nature. I never met anyone who didn?t like him. In some ways, he was a study in contrasts, a total sports fanatic but also a bird watcher and lover (my avatar is a flock of starlings in a unique display in the sky), an exercise nut who loved macaroni and cheese, a whiz with stocks and bonds who could not fix a thing in the house?.the list goes on.

In November 2011, he finally admitted that he had been having abdominal pain, which he had been chalking up to low grade diverticulitis. Ultimately, he had a CT scan that showed a cystic lesion in the tail of his pancreas. Almost a year to the day he died on December 11, 2012, we found out that what we thought would be a surgically correctable lesion, was actually inoperable pancreatic cancer. We both knew instantly what that meant, but he soldiered through chemo and radiation with the hope that he could possibly extend his life. Through all of it, he fought to maintain the solo primary care practice that he worked so hard to build from nothing over the preceding 12 years. I knew the end was near, when he came home from work one day in September 2012 and said.?Babe, for the first time ever, I did not feel like being there today?. Then came the trauma and chaos of having to close his practice, ultimately the enrollment in hospice care and the tortuous process of dying.

Prior to my husband?s death, I thought I knew something of what people who suffer such losses go through as I have worked in the field of HIV medicine for many years including back in the time when so many patients died. I watched the searing pain of loss over and over again, but I have learned that there are some experiences in life that are just impossible to fully understand unless you really walk in those shoes. I have been fortunate to have a very supportive family and circle of real-life friends, but none of them has ever quite been able to replicate the kind of understanding that I found at the YWBB. I am so very grateful that this community has been given new life here and to all the widow(er)s who have been willing to share their journeys.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Linda L on March 08, 2015, 10:30:54 PM
I'm Linda, I lost my DH Hugh to suicide in January 2003.  My daughters were 5 and 2--they are now 17 and 14.  Although I visited the other board less frequently now than I once did, the thought of it not being here made me sad.  So I am thrilled this board is here (and that they got me activated here finally).
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: lcoxwell on March 08, 2015, 10:44:51 PM
I am so incredibly thankful right now, and crying tears of joy!  I made it!  Thank you so much Jess, for your help in getting me registered. 

Hello. My husband, Kenneth, died on March 10, 2014 from complications of diabetes, congestive heart failure, end stage renal failure, and a ton of other medical conditions, too many of which to list here. Thirteen years before he died, doctors were saying he likely would not live through another year, but he kept beating the odds and managed to hold on long enough to give me a good life and to raise our combined household of kids, six in all (though his oldest was actually grown and out on his own, before I came along, so really it was five kids that we raised).  The youngest one turned 18 two days before Kenneth died.

When I married him, I knew full well I would end up being widowed at a young age, but I did not care. I loved him enough to marry him anyway, wanting to have every possible minute I could with him. For thirteen years, I took care of him. I sat by his side through one hospitalization, after another, and I watched him suffer more than anyone should ever have to suffer. On March 3, 2014, he came home from the hospital for the last time. Two days later, we met with home hospice and made arrangements to end all life-saving treatment. A week later, he was gone.

Even after thirteen years of extreme caregiving, I would do it all again. At just a few days shy of the one year anniversary of his death, I still think of him each and every day, I still miss him so very much, and I still love him very deeply.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Elizabeth29 on March 08, 2015, 11:27:39 PM
I'm so glad that this board will be continuing.  I want to echo the "thank you" that so many have already said.

I'm Elizabeth. I rarely posted on YWBB, but I checked in frequently and got so much from being able to read the shared experiences.  My husband died of sudden heart failure almost three years ago, just two days before our daughter's 1st birthday. He was 29, I was 30.  We were together 7 years (married just shy of 3).   Now, that kiddo will be turning 4 in just a few short months and I still miss him every day.  Like so many other wids, I've struggled to find my way to balance the new responsibility of raising a child without the other parent, figuring out my own grief, and holding it all together.  But, at almost three years out, I think I'm doing pretty ok.  I've relied on the advice, stories and wisdom of others to get me this far, and I'm so happy that this will continue.

I look forward to being able to continue to follow (and, who knows, maybe even post a little more) here.


Elizabeth
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Ann E on March 08, 2015, 11:32:59 PM
Hi, I'm Ann E. I was "vintage" ywbb. I discovered the original board Oct-Nov 2002 when I hit a grief wall about four months after my husband Bob died at the age of 47. He had a laundry list of chronic conditions including Crohns disease, diabetes, morbid obesity, and hip joint necrosis from long term steroid use (to treat Crohns). We were together 15 years. We had our 13th wedding anniversary in the ICU where he spent his last month of life following abdominal surgery. June 10, 2002, was the day we ran out of miracles.

My life journey since then has taken me through graduate school, a career change, a serious relationship with a widower that did not last, and two major relocations before I landed in my current home in New Mexico. The ywbb was my lifeline in the early years but I have not been active for a long time. I recognize several names here from fb and bagos and our journeys together on ywbb.

Let's remember to be gentle with ourselves and each other.

::hugs:: and blessigs

Ann E.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: widowat33 on March 08, 2015, 11:39:56 PM
He was my first love, and that love will live on forever..
We had been together for 14 and 1/2 years, married almost 11 years. We have two boys, oldest is now 12 youngest will be 10 in a month.
Dh worked away, on a two week rotation. His last shift they asked him to work overtime, so he had been gone for three weeks. He was on his way home to us.. I knew something was wrong, he always called when he got to certain towns on his drive home and I hadn't heard from him in a couple hours.. I still have two messages saved on my answering machine from him that day, July 10 2014. I was waiting outside at 3 am when the police pulled into my driveway to give me the news. He had an accident, had left the road and rolled his truck down a ravine into the river below.
I found YWBB a few weeks after he passed away, and even just reading that others are struggling with similar issues has helped me so much.
I started college less than two months after he died, I'm now halfway through my second semester. I am starting to find myself, to learn who I am, because I didn't only lose him that day I also lost part of my own identity.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Stargazer74 on March 08, 2015, 11:49:09 PM
I want to preserve my story, and this was my introduction and first post on YWBB, written about 5 weeks after I lost my wife.  Looking back at it I realize just how traumatized i was during this time.  I couldn't make sense of it all, and in many ways, I still can't, four months later.  But I can see that shock and agony is turning to acceptance a little bit more each day. I have edited it to correct a few grammar errors and a couple of sentences to add clarity.
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I married my wife on April 30, 2005. I had previously been married and that ended in divorce the previous year. Jamie and I had already known each other at work, our paths crossed occasionally because she worked the night shift and I worked the day shift. She had previously been married as well and had two young girls, but that didn't bother me in the least. We started dating and within 6 months we were married. It was the first time in my life I knew what "being in love" was really about. My first marriage had come from a sense of duty. My girlfriend had ended up pregnant in high school and I didn't want to have a child who grew up without two parents. I got along with her okay mostly, but we were never really "in love". Jamie was easy to talk to, fun, and we just clicked. I couldn't imagine my life without her, and she felt the same about me. We had a few growing pains here and there as we blended our two families together, but through it all, our love grew. About two years into our marriage, she started having some health issues. About 5 years in, she could no longer work and had to go on disability. She was on a long list of medications, and had repeated hospitalizations and symptoms that often just never made much sense. The neurologist she saw diagnosed her with MS, and she was treated for that for about 3 years until a different neurologist said that she didn't think she had MS because she had no lesions showing up on the scans, despite continuing to have almost all the symptoms of MS. She suffered a lot. The last couple of years though her neurological symptoms had improved a lot though, although other conditions plagued her continuously. Watching her go from a young vibrant young woman to being in constant pain and discomfort was very hard. Through it all though, I never thought of turning my back on her. It wasn't out of duty, it was the depth of our love that could never be shaken. Our love never failed. I was still very much in love with her despite all the daily health problems.

Around Thanksgiving, she started complaining that her lower back was hurting really bad and she thought she had a UTI or a kidney stone. We went to the Dr. and they started her on some antibiotics. A week later, the pain hadn't gotten better, and over the weekend she was having intense pains, so she went back to the doctor and then to the ER because the office could not schedule a CT for the same day to rule out a kidney stone. (She had had several kidney stones previously) The ER CT'd her and discovered that while she did have stones, her pain was being caused by a kidney infection. They gave her a script for more antibiotics and sent her home. I came home from work that night and gave her the antibiotics I had picked up for her and I went to bed. When I woke up the next morning, she was up, and we talked and she said that she had been up most of the night because of the pain and I just loved on her and we held each other for a while. She got up again, made a few phone calls and then laid down to take a nap. This was Dec 2, 2014. I got up and started bringing in some fire wood, started a fire, checked on Jamie, who was sleeping comfortably by then. I made something to eat and went back to a back room to watch a movie (Frozen, of all things). About an hour later I went in to check on her and when I walked up to the bed I stopped just to look at her. She looked like she was asleep on her side, but I realized I couldn't see her breathing. I went to her and rolled her over and I knew immediately that she was gone. That moment was the worst I've ever experienced. I will be stuck in that moment for a long, long time. I pulled her out of the bed and lay her on the floor and started CPR. I had my cell on me, so I lay it in the floor in front of me and dialed 911, put it on speaker and told the operator to get me help NOW. The only thing is, we live in a very rural part of the state, and it was 20 minutes before anyone else got there. I'm a respiratory therapist. I know how to do CPR, I do it often in my job. 20 minutes of continuous CPR is difficult, and I almost passed out. I cannot describe the emotions that I was feeling. I wouldn't give up though, the 911 operator asked me three times if I thought she was gone and if I wanted to stop but I kept telling her I'm not going to stop. I knew in my mind that she was gone, but I felt God was telling me to keep going. In the end, it was the right decision. The ambulance crew did get her heart beat back on the way to the hospital, and it gave me and our kids, and the rest of the family a chance to say goodbye. Her heart gave out the next morning, while surrounded by her entire family.

I do not know what caused her death. She was only 35 years old. Her health was poor at best, but nothing was ever life threatening. Being in the medical field, I have meticulously went over everything in her medical record and everything in my memory about that morning, and I have no clue to point to a cause of death.  Whatever happened, it was extremely quick, extremely fatal, and I believe it was painless.  I have come to the conclusion that she either had a blood clot that went to her brain stem, or her heart just went into a fatal arrhythmia, neither of which I could have done anything about even if I had been laying right next to her. I opted not to have an autopsy, I just could not have that done to my baby. I have a peace that at least she went in her sleep. She didn't look like she ever woke up, and I know she didn't struggle, and that does afford me some comfort. The death certificate wasn't any help, it just described her condition after she got to the hospital, with no cause of the initial event.

My life for the last 5 weeks has been very hard. I miss her so much. All of the plans we had, all of the dreams, gone in an instant. She was my world, and because of her health issues, we didn't get out much to hang out with friends much. Her family, who all live fairly close by, has stayed in contact with me and have been very supportive. Her two girls live with their dad, but they have been living with him for the last few years anyway. My son is 20 and out of my house, and my teen girl is living with her mom, so I'm by myself now. I've kept in touch with Jamie's two girls, and have taken them to a couple of my family get togethers and we have had time to get together to talk and try to help each other. They are young teens, and have been devastated by this as well.

My faith in God has been the one thing that I can say has been a tremendous help to me in this time. I have been a Christian since I was a teen, but like most people, my faith has not been very consistent or strong at times. Jamie was a woman of faith, and she taught me a lot about perseverance and relying on God, even during the worst times of our lives. I long for her to be here, but I know that she is there waiting on me. I hope that the time I have left on this earth brings her honor. I don't know where to go from here though. I have anxiety, the waves of grief come and take me, then I am pretty numb for a while. I hope that this gets better soon.

Thanks for letting me share.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: AndysWife on March 08, 2015, 11:57:35 PM
Hi, I'm Wendy. My husband Andy was 42 when he suicided 3 1/2 years ago.
I was very out of control in the beginning and pretty much just read the YWBB site when I was awake between feeds of our then 5 wk old baby. Both the board and our baby son get the credit for my survival - I'm not kidding either - I was a mess to say the least.

The 5 kids are all doing amazingly well. Only the little guy still lives at home (the others are now adults and in their own homes now) which certainly lightens the workload but it's also been a massive adjustment ie: cooking wise etc.

I think around the end of the 2nd year, I started to regroup and felt less angry (I swore so much the words lost their oomph) and we started travelling as I just didn't feel settled anywhere. We even came to America for a month back in 2013 but mostly,we just travelled around Australia.

I now live at the beach and I feel MUCH calmer and I have started working recently also. I will be 43 in April and I still shake my head at how I got to be a widow this young but for the most part, my life is good again. My mother who was in prison at the time of Andy's death, was acquitted 2 years ago and released immediately after spending 2 1/2 years there but I haven't heard from her since she got out. This is also a blessing. I really felt that I was living out some bad soap opera at the time. (She is a true nightmare)

Anyway, I learned that it really does get easier with time - or I just got stronger and wiser. 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: whoaminow on March 08, 2015, 11:59:41 PM
I'm pretty new to all of this.  I lost my husband in a car accident in December.  We'd been together for 20 years and we have 2 kids, ages 7 and 9.  I think the first couple of months I didn't even have the opportunity to grieve, as the list of things that must be taken care of is so long.  At the same time, I found out that we had to move out of our home and I was dealing with a flare up of a chronic condition I have.  Then shortly after that I find out that the business I work at will be closing down.  I have no education past high school and am now looking at getting a certificate/diploma in something so that I can get a decent paying job.  It's just all so scary....all at once....but I think I'm grieving now.  Oh this life is so lonely. 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: calimom on March 09, 2015, 12:33:48 AM
Hello all.  I'm Amber, my husband Jeff was killed seven years ago on his way home from work by a drunk driver.  I've gone to court for the sentencing of the driver, and twice to parole hearings to ensure his continued residency in the prison system to finish his prison term.
At the time of my husband's death, our children were 1, 5, and 14.  I was honored to become the legal guardian of my stepdaughter, who is now in college. Our youngest two are currently 8 and 12.  Life is different, to say the least, but still good.  It takes a lot to recover and rebuild.

Only respect for the founders of YWBB and only respect for the organizers of this new site.  Thank you one and all for this opportunity to share our experiences and learn from one another.  Peace to all.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: littlebirdie on March 09, 2015, 07:36:29 AM
Brent was diagnosed with gallbladder cancer in November 2011. He had been having back pain for a few months that nothing was helping; it just got worse and worse. He was young and otherwise healthy so they figured he had hurt his back painting the exterior of our house, which is what he was doing when the pain started. He was an OR nurse and one of his friends, a pain doctor, wanted him to have a CT of his belly because she was suspicious that something else was going on. Long story short, he ended up in the hospital, had a bunch of tests and a biopsy, and we got the diagnosis on November 10, 2011, that he had GB cancer. They thought initially that it was fairly localized, so we went to U of M in Ann Arbor and he had surgery. When they opened him up, the cancer was in his GB, liver, bile ducts, pancreas (that's where the back pain was coming from), and was infiltrating into his duodenum. He did three rounds of chemo and had too many surgeries to count, but he died 8 months after he was diagnosed. He was 43.

We met in high school when we worked at the same little grocery store and were basically inseparable for 25 years. It's hard to figure out who you are and what your life is supposed to be when the person with whom you've experienced every milestone since you were 17 years old is gone so suddenly. It's been nearly three years and I'm still trying to figure it out.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Shelby on March 09, 2015, 09:09:47 AM
I'm Shelby. I'm five years out as of yesterday, March 8, 2015. i took care of my beloved Rich for a very very long time until his death from complications of diabetes and I would do it all over again. I kind of am. My new husband, Joe, also is diabetic and is beginning to have eerily similar complications. A part of me is afraid the writing is on the wall.

I lost myself along the way and didn't realize it until I went for grief counseling and the dude asked me what I liked to do for fun. I had no answer. Fun was such a distant memory and the hardship of those years and the aching emptiness of loss had changed me so much.

YWBB and the people there helped to save me. The people there, both online and in person, helped me begin to find who this new Shelby would be. So I'm glad that, in its absence, Justin and Jess have made this place available to us oldsters who need to revisit and to help and especially for all the baby widows who will come behind us.

Shelby

Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: JacklessSally on March 09, 2015, 09:13:59 AM
Tiffany 29 years old, and on November 13 2014 I lost the love of my young life. Here is our story.


My love and I met over 10 years ago when he hired me to help him run his retail store.  Fast forward 8 1/2 years. I had gotten out of the relationship I was in (it turned out VERY BADLY). I was going to attend our mutual friends commitment ceremony. I got "dressed up" and went to the ceremony. Shortly after I was there, my love walked in. We were both all smiles, and made small talk to try to catch up with each other. I followed him around like a puppy dog the whole night. Our friends had convinced us to swap numbers at the end of the night. That was the start of it, we were inseparable. We had found the other half to our whole. We were working toward our life together.

Fast forward a year, a week, and 4 days. My love was on his way back to the office from a delivery and was 2 blocks away from our home. He went to change lanes on our little country highway, was clipped by a truck, which sent him into oncoming traffic. He was hit by another driver doing 60-65 miles an hour. We were told he died instantly. He passed away at 7:02 pm. We were not notified for several hours.

After hours of trying to reach him, speaking to his work, calling local hospitals and police stations... 10:30 pm, I look out our bedroom window and see two state troopers pulling up our street, shining flashlights at the mail boxes. I knew it was him... I hoped for a split second that he was in the car. When they pulled up to the house the state trooper asked if we knew him.. And that is when she told us that he was in a accident and he did not make it..

Since then my life has been upside down. His mother and I planned the funeral and laid him to rest on the 19th of November. He was only 40. We had so many more years that we should have spent together. A year and 11 days just wasn't enough..
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Jess on March 09, 2015, 09:22:22 AM
I'm Jess. I was married to my husband, Joe, for almost 8 years. He was never in bad health. Shortly before midnight on July 25th, 2014, he kissed me goodnight as he was going to sleep downstairs to watch the 2 month old puppy we had adopted the day before. I brushed my teeth, changed into my pajamas, and laid down to go to sleep. A couple minutes later, I heard strange noises and went downstairs to investigate and found he was having a seizure. He had never had a seizure before so while I knew the situation was bad and called 911, I didn't have any concept it could be fatal. His heart stopped on the ambulance on the way to the hospital and they were not able to bring him back. He died shortly after midnight on July 26, 2014, my father's birthday, at the age of 34.

While I have accepted he is gone and is not coming back, some days it is still so hard to wrap my mind around. He was kind, wonderful man that always made me laugh.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Carey on March 09, 2015, 09:45:46 AM
Hi. I was Amy_Carey on the other forum. Decided maybe it wasn't best to have my full name as my username but couldn't be creative this early on a Monday to save my life :)  I joined YWBB 9 days after losing my husband on 11/23/13.  His death was complicated and I guess I am a complicated griever.  Our 17th wedding anniversary was a week to the day after he died. He died on his 42nd birthday.  I loved my Chad, I know that I did, but our marriage was not easy and living with him was hard. He had a severe problem with alcohol but also had all the good intentions in the world.  He was a jet engine mechanic. He had been in the air force and then worked for 16 years doing the same job as a civilian contractor. He was VERY good at his job and was devastated when the military cut the contract positions and he was laid off. He didn't know who he was or what to do without that job.  VERY long story short, he took a temporary civilian contractor position for one year in Saudi Arabia. He died there after he had been there 9 months due to sleep apnea complicated by alcoholism.  The story is much longer but that's the nutshell.  I am so very thankful to this board being here now that YWBB is gone because I am still struggling quite a bit and the support of fellow wids has been invaluable. My heartfelt thanks for taking this on.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: tmppgh2015 on March 09, 2015, 10:15:24 AM
Hi my names Tracy and I'm actually from pittsburgh pa... I can't thank those enough who put this board together... I'm not one to post a lot, but I frequent the board often... March 8, 2015 was my 1 year without my Todd... Todd was my hero... He was diagnoised with colon cancer when he was 35. He battle many setbacks both cancer related and not... Seems once one thing goes wrong the rest of your body does crazy things too... Despite all he went through Todd was the most inspirational and positive person I know and I try to draw on that to help me through... I still have many rough days, but I am blessed to have a great support system of both family and friends. I still sit her and can't believe I am 38 and widowed... Todd and I were together for 20 years and married for 18... I do realize I am blessed that I did have that time, but it's still not enough. This year I am trying to learn who I am. Todd and I grew up together. When they say your grief process is your grief process they aren't lying. I know I have made mistakes, I am trying to be better. The ywbb has helped me with my struggles to know I'm not alone and some of my feelings are normal. I hope to be more active thru this forum as it seems being a year out I've come to reality and do need help.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Love mike on March 09, 2015, 11:04:25 AM
I'm Traci and my husband Mike died suddenly in Nov. 2008.   The doctor suspected he died from a pulmonary embolism but couldn't be sure without an autopsy.   My kids did not want the autopsy performed on their dad and in my shocked state I agreed with them - I wish I had let them do it so we would know for sure.  I have four kids who are doing well. 

I don't post a lot, but read almost daily.   Thank you to those who are committed to keeping this community going.   
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: MelissasGypsy on March 09, 2015, 11:53:37 AM
I'm Rob, known by some as MG on YWBB.  I was widowed on November 5, 2013 when my wife died of complications due to a lifelong battle with a rare blood disorder.  While we battled many health issues and had a second home in the hospital over our 18.5 year marriage, her health was always regarded as something to manage rather than a detriment that would rob her of life, and me of my love.  All was "well" until the last two months of her life when the slide started, and the dominoes fell.  Pulmonary Hypertension, Right Side Heart Failure, Renal Failure and finally Liver Failure caused her to breath her last as I held her hand and told her it was okay to go.

Well over a year out and I can say the daily missing her and longing for her has mostly subsided, but the space she carved in my heart and the scars her departure left will always be there.  Some days, things bump against my bruised heart and it hurts like crazy, but I'm reminded as each day passes, that tomorrow is an opportunity to live and love on with joy.

I've learned many things about myself and about life.  But the most valuable is that love is a precious thing and worth more than all the other trappings of life combined.  And while Melissa's space will never be occupied by another, my heart is very big and there is plenty of room where another has carved her own space.  Despite my loss, I am a blessed man indeed.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Pammy on March 09, 2015, 12:26:59 PM
Hi everyone. Some faces I recognize, some not, but I am also an old-timer who rarely posts. Still, I find that I read often. I am 10+ years into this journey and 8 years remarried to another member of YWBB.

Although I hate to see YWBB go away - it feels somewhat like a death - I know that life is always changing and maybe this was a good time for change for us. It looks like the new admin have things well in hand and for that I am grateful.

I doubt a day goes by that I don't think of Jeff, my late husband, at least once. The difference now is that I think of him with a calm and happy mind. He seems like a dream I once had. For those who are newer to widowhood who might be wondering,  I still remember his voice and his mannerisms. Those memories are alive and well. I can think of them now without feeling like someone punched me in the gut.

Also, you can find love again and it can be just as wonderful. Mike (new hubby) is nothing like Jeff, but thats ok. I didn't settle, I held out for love.

Do things in your own time, this is not a race or a competition to see who can "make it" first or best. What it is is a very personal, intimate journey that most other people in your life have no idea of. Typically they say things out of ignorance and not malice.

This will probably be my only post, but I do read. I wish us all blessings and a soft and safe journey.

Pammy
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Portside on March 09, 2015, 02:14:41 PM
I'm Mike. My late wife died by means of a self-inflicted GSW to the chest almost 8 years ago. She suffered from crippling mental illness for 18 years and it eventually overcame her ability to fight it.

I raised my four sons then by myself and they have all moved on now to the adult stage of their lives. Two in the working world, one in college and my youngest in the Navy. Through the grace of God they've all turned out to be happy and compassionate young men.

Best wishes to all, Mike

 

Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: look2thesky on March 09, 2015, 02:36:25 PM
Hi everyone. I'm Bruce. Short introduction as I am just beginning to navigate this new site. Just want to thank Jess and Justin and whoever else, for making this all possible. Words can't even express. Also to Mac and Baylee for forwarding a pm. I've been widowed 5 years plus. And my avatar is currently the newest addition to my new "family". A rescue.. Leo. Anyways he's filling a void for the loss of another recent loss of a 16 year old, doggie, who I lost a few months back. Anyway thank you all for letting me be a part of this new group. The older one reallly helped me through some of the darkest times. And I am thankful for you all !!!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: look2thesky on March 09, 2015, 02:50:31 PM
I lost my beautiful Wife, Daisy, to aggressive breast cancer, loved Her more than life itself, and have begun to learn to live, all over again. Grateful for having had known Her, for most of my adult life. I have two beautiful Daughters, one whom is now expecting a first child. Thanks for the new forum, again !!!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Izzy on March 09, 2015, 03:11:50 PM
Hi Everyone,
8 days ago I turned 4 years of this new life. I'm so great full for this new website, for the people who put it together, for the new people I look forward on meeting and for the others I met on YWBB. I don't post much but this was the first post on YWBB a few years ago...

"I want to thank everyone for sharing their lifes and helping me keep my sanity. I am 34yrs old and I lost my wife on the emergency room on March 1st 2011. It was sudden and unexpected. No one knows what hapened and I am waiting for the autopsy report which I was told could take up to 6 months. I need to know for my own peace of mind.
She was my world, now I'm helpless, broken, empty and extremely lonely. The calls and messages have slowed down and everyone is moving on but me. My brain understands that everyone has their own life and family to worry about but not my heart. I have never suffered a loss this close to me before. No one understand what I'm going thru except for the others here. Thank you for welcoming people like me that for now don't know were to fit in."

We are all in the right place and Thanks for this new forum, Sincerely Izzy
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Mancino on March 09, 2015, 04:04:13 PM
Howdy all. Thanks to those who put this new forum together so quickly.   It's good to see so many familiar names here, including several from my "class" of the fall of 2009.   I'm 5.5 years out in this journey and had just been skimming the board now and then.  I had been telling myself it's probably time to pull away from it, but when I saw that the old one had been abruptly shut down, I felt like I'd lost a friend.   This place saved my sanity back in the early days!

I kept the same name from the old board...long story short, it's a nickname my husband used for a club he belonged to.   We married later in life (me in my 40s, he in his 50s) and were married such a short time...just two years (although we were together for 7). Only 3 months after getting married, we got word that the kidney cancer he had thought he'd beaten two decades ago had returned.  What we thought was a sore back due to arthritis, ended up being stage 4 renal cell cancer that had metastasized to his spine.   He managed to last more than a year longer than the doctor first predicted, probably due to his pigheaded stubbornness, lol.   

I'll probably be more of a reader than a poster (always was), but it's nice to know that this place is still here if needed.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: petesgirl77 on March 09, 2015, 04:25:07 PM
Hello all, my name is Valerie.  I?m six and half years out.  Wow, that sounds like a long time.  I also read a lot, but don?t post as much anymore.  Pete and I were engaged not married, but lived together for years.

I met him when I was 15 and developed a wicked crush immediately. If you?re familiar with the 80?s movie ?Sixteen Candles?, he was my Jake Ryan.  Just sitting next to him could set my little high school heart all a-flutter.  But he was cute and charming; all the girls followed him everywhere and I was too proud/shy to compete, so we stayed friends, but lost touch.
Fast forward almost a decade, and his best friend was getting married.  I knew he would come back to our little town for the event and I went to the local bar the night before, betting he would be there.  He was there and the sight of him took my breath away, all a-flutter again.  We started talking, I was no longer shy ☺, and we fell in love.  We moved to the beach and were planning on getting married.
In Aug. 2008, he was shot by a man who lived in the neighboring apartment complex during an argument.  The shooter fled and has never been caught.  Pete died with me kneeling next to him, begging him to stay with me.  These years have been incredibly difficult, but I have rebuilt my new life.  I never thought that would be possible.  I was so thankful to find YWBB when I did, and credit it with helping to save my sanity.  Thank you again to the administrators of this new home. Sending hugs to all.
 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Birdbucket on March 09, 2015, 04:54:12 PM
You might not recognize my name but I have been around since 2008. I didn't post a whole lot the last few years but checked in every now and again.

LH died 7 years ago in feb 2008 at age 37 from RCC. I had a baby and a three year old. Came here (or ywbb) about june or july 'o8 and read and read and read. A few months later I joined and it was a lifeline.

Coincidentally the day before the old board came down I posted a question about EMDR for my son. I don't think I'd posted for a couple of years. Still to this day if I'm faced with a grief situation of any kind, I go to the wids. I know the advice will be honest. So I'm glad this is here. you might not hear from me too often but I'll be around.

Thank you again to all the good souls who set this up!
Cheers, Jenn
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: SusieQ on March 09, 2015, 06:04:36 PM
My name is Susan. I lost my love in 2007 to a septic infection, same year I became a member of YWBB. My former name was shescomeundone. Althought I'm no longer "undone" I still remain broken. I no longer post but read daily. I was devastated when YWBB closed so unexpectedly. Thank you to all who made this possbile.  Nice to be "home" again.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wheelerswife on March 09, 2015, 06:22:10 PM
I'm not sure even where to start.  My name is Maureen.  My first husband Barry and I were together almost 19 years, married over 17.  He died 5 1/2 years ago of respiratory failure due to a lifelong genetic neuromuscular disease called Spinal Muscular Atrophy.  At age 2 1/2, his parents were told he would die by the age of 5.  He proved those doctors wrong and lived to be 53.  He never walked a day in his life.  I knew his prognosis for dying young when I met him, but I fell in love and took the risk of losing him.  He had every advantage in life that someone with his disease could have and we lived every day like there may not be a tomorrow.  He almost died in May of 2008 when he crashed on me at home due to rapidly developing bronchitis.  He developed a severe stress cardiomyopathy and the doctors didn't think he would survive, but I fought for him and against the odds, after 6 weeks in ICU, he pulled through, although he lost a lot of function and required a non-invasive ventilator at night and 24/7 care for the last 16 months of his life.  He got sick again a year later but pulled through that with a couple of weeks in the ICU without needing to be intubated.  He came down with a cold three months later, went quickly critical and decided against aggressive care and intubation.  He had had enough suffering.  He died peacefully, surrounded by the people who cared about him the most.  I had been an extreme caregiver for the 18 years we lived together in our home, but much more so in his last 16 months. 

I found YWBB about a month after Barry died and went to my first bago at 6 weeks out.  I still keep in regular contact with my first bago community in Connecticut, where we lived.  I became a chat room regular and started meeting widows from outside of Connecticut.  Six months into widowhood,  a widower who called himself polarbear (he was an Arctic climatologist) showed up in the chat room one night.  We had a good conversation that night and we exchanged Facebook information, too.  His first impression of me was that I looked like a nun or a lesbian.  My first impression of him?  He was WAY too hippie for me!  He came back again the following nights.  On his third night, we were the last two people left in the chat room and, wanting to tell me a long story, he asked if he could call me.  It was midnight.  I gave him my number and he called and we talked until 6 AM, a lovely but completely platonic conversation.  Long chats and phone calls continued over the successive days, when suddenly, our platonic tone changed and we both acknowledged that to each other.  A few days later, we decided it was best to meet and decide if we had compatibility.  We were investing so much time in communicating that we both felt like we needed to know if there was chemistry.  He flew from Kansas to Connecticut three weeks after our first all-night phone conversation.  The chemistry was instant.  We were already in love by this point, really.  He arrived just in time for my birthday in April.  John went back to Kansas and finished out the semester (he was a geography professor) and then came out to CT and spent 2 1/2 weeks with me.  During that time, we decided we wanted to be together.  I made plans to quit my job, sell my house and move to Kansas.  One day, in spontaneous conversation, I asked him to marry me.  I needed to know his true intentions.  He said, "Yes!"  He spent the next 6 weeks doing research at NASA Goddard Spaceflight Center in Greenbelt, MD and we spent weekends together, either in CT or in the DC area.  I started preparing my house to put it on the market.  We also went skydiving together one weekend, and he met my (stunned) family when my older sister retired from the Navy.  At the end of July, he finished his research, I had worked my last day, my house went on the market and we left CT and drove to Kansas, a place I'd never even seen.  5 days into that trip, my house sold.  I returned home for six weeks, gave away about 2/3 of what I owned, packed up the rest, closed on my house, observed the first anniversary of my husband's death, and drove to Kansas.  John and I were married 6 months later, a year after our first conversation, in March of 2011.  We were incredibly happy.  I decided not to go back to work as a physical therapist and I eventually went back to college.  We traveled as much as we could and saw parts of Italy, Ireland, Australia, Peru, China, Canada and many US states, including Alaska and Hawaii.  We had never been happier. 

In early January, 2014, I flew back to CT to bago with my best bago buddies.  That day, John didn't respond to my text messages and phone calls.  I was worried during the bago, but I didn't want to alarm some newbies that were there.  My old friends knew I was concerned.  At the end of the bago, I sat in my car in the parking lot and called the local police back in Kansas and asked them to check on John.  They didn't call back right away, and I knew my worst fears would come true.  The police chief eventually called me and I knew John was dead and even said it for him.  John had died in his sleep just a couple of hours after our last Facetime conversation the night before.  It didn't take long before word got out to my good friends from YWBB.  I was surrounded in love by dear friends that night and the next day, when a huge crew came back to be with me, even after having driven a few hours the day before to come to the bago.  Even some people I'd never met came to be with me.  I can't tell you enough how much YWBB and this group of people has meant to me.  I know I've met quite a few of you from bagos (like the awesome bago in DFW) and those I've met in my travels across the US since John died.  Some of you had the pleasure of meeting John, too, although he was much more introverted than me and you may not have gotten to know just how truly amazing a man that he was.  Thank you, though, to everyone who has been there for me, including during the time after he died when I had medical problems, major surgery and my cancer diagnosis.  Some of you guys even flew or drove to Kansas to be with me before my first oncology visit, and many of you contributed to my book of support.  What else can I say?
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: fctyler on March 09, 2015, 06:33:39 PM
I have been on YWBB for almost 4 years and it was my saving grace, especially in the dark, early years.  Thank you, Rob, for leading me to widda.org, and thank you Jess for putting together a great new site.  I didn't post very often on YWBB, but I read so much and gained comfort from knowing that other people were feeling the same way I was feeling or had experienced some of the same things I did.

My husband Sean passed away in 2011 from a brain tumor.  He fought so incredibly hard for two years.  He was the epitome of bravery and grace, but sadly he didn't make it.  Brain tumor's are a bitch, but I'm extremely thankful that the tumor did not change his personality or render him disabled until about 2 weeks before he passed away.

My kids saved me when Sean died; they were my rock and still are.  It surprised me greatly how much they came to my support and I to theirs.  They are now young adults and teenagers, but I can honestly say, we don't fight much; after what we went through, there just isn't much to get really riled up about.

I'm so thankful for the 27 years Sean and I were together. (23 married)  He was truly a great friend as well as an awesome husband.  His love really made me feel a void and his memory and what he gave me through out our time together, was instrumental in making me get out there again and become social.  I met another wonderful man and feel twiced blessed.  We are getting married in June.

 Life is so messy and I've learned that I can't control life; I can only control my reaction to it.  Big life lesson.....
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: annieb on March 09, 2015, 06:43:07 PM
Hello - my name is Ann.
I had the same name at YWBB. My husband passed in 2006 from a massive heart attack on Mother's Day. I found YWBB soon after and though I didn't post much, I have read every day since. Like so many, I too was devastated to see that YWBB was shutting down. In my early years especially, the board was such a refuge for me and it was very disturbing to me that the newly widowed weren't going to find the same compassion and support from those that truly understood. For almost 9 years it has been a tremendous source of strength and I have a felt a connection to many here.
I want to applaud the dedication and perseverance this new team took to set up and launch a new board....not only once but twice. It looks like you hardly missed a beat. Like a previous poster had said - it's good to be home!
Thank you!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: PhotoJunkie on March 09, 2015, 06:51:31 PM
Im Lynn aka PJ.  I joined in July/August of 2012 after most of my family had been in a car accident that killed my husband.  My husband, myself and our daughter, (age 13 at the time) were headed out to join friends camping.  It was something we did at minimum of monthly, if not more.  I had fallen asleep because I had worked the night before and I was used to his driving.  I woke up 2 minutes before we jackknifed and our truck flipped.  Everything after that gets fuzzy in most places, with a few moments of startling clarity.  The end result was that my daughter had a very mild sprained ankle, I had cuts and bruises and glass imbedded in my hand.  My husband however died of blunt force trauma and asphyxiation.  He was 36 years old.  We had been married just shy of 18 years.  Our son, who at the time was 18, was not with us.  Had he been with us like he had been for the previous trips, one of my children would have died as well. 

My husband was a local Police Officer.  This meant a lot of protocol and I had to notify family way before my brain had caught up to the whole thing.  I met the police chief in a hospital gown and with a large to go cup of Mt. Dew.  I had to call his mother and his sisters on the phone and tell them he was gone.  I had to tell our two children that he was gone.  I called my mother and sister to tell them.  All within minutes of the doctor coming to my trauma bed to tell me that he was gone, although I beat him to it because he couldn't quite get the words out.

That was 2.5 years ago ish.  My daughter is now 16 and living with my sister (hoping to move there soon)  My son is 21 and very angry at the world, me in particular.  He wouldn't be the first in our family to wish it had been me instead of hubby.  We are still no where near on a road to any kind of recovery at this point.  Im beginning to wonder if that is just another pipe dream fed to us so that we keep moving and don't give in. 

Im glad the boards are still around.  I read a lot of late and post very little but they are the first place I go to.  I have made very very very good friends here and I think without this board and the chat I would not have made it this far. 

Lynn
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Momtojandj on March 09, 2015, 07:28:53 PM
I found the original board in December 2012, my husband had been killed in October 2012. I was lost and scared . Although maybe I don't post as much, the boards have been my saving grace. When I found out it was closing, panic set in , I feel I know so many of you and have been lucky enough to meet a few wids in real life.

I came home from working late at a seasonal job. The last I talked to him was at 9pm, he told me he was down the street at a party and the kids were at a sleepover.  It was now 2 am, and police were standing in my driveway . My brain went from.. Is he in jail? Arrested? Where's the kids ? They wouldn't say anything till I walked in the house and sat down. It was then it hit me, before they said it.. I knew. He was about 30 minutes from home, passerby found his motorcycle down, then found him thrown from bike. To this day , no one is sure why or what happened to make him go off the road. 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Mac on March 09, 2015, 07:39:08 PM
My name is Mac. It has been nearly 33 months since Cindy passed quite unexpectedly. We were married for 27-1/2 years and we were friends for 37 years. I have a daughter and a son, we are doing well as a family.

My wife was an amazing woman. She was beautiful, extremely intelligent and so very kind. Prior to our marriage she had traveled the world. This included living in C?te d'Ivoire for two years and Japan for two years. She spoke many different languages. We traveled the world far and wide together, always so compatible. No plans necessary.

She had a wicked sense of humor. The first thing that comes to mind for so many people that knew her is her laugh.

Without my asking, she was devoted to my parents in their final years. She kept them safe and happy. She included them in her daily life.

We welcomed people from around the world into our home. She was a dedicated mother and because of this our daughter and son have turned out to be kind and loving.

If you were to meet her, she would make you feel like you had known each other for years.

Life is being kind to me these days. I am grateful for the past. I am embracing and enjoying the present (most of the time). I trust that the future will be as amazing as the past. Different, but amazing.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: RemysWife on March 09, 2015, 08:22:33 PM
His name was Mark, and I miss him every day.

We met three weeks before he deployed to Iraq. Our first kiss was in the snow, and when I went back to work (it was Presidents' Day weekend, and we had three dates in two days) I told my friend, "I really like this guy." We emailed while he was in Iraq and picked up where we left off when he got home. We were together for 5 years when we found out he had cancer. Five years after that first date, on another winter day, I stood on a snow covered boardwalk in Atlantic City and kissed him for our wedding photos.

He was a Marine. He ate right and exercised daily. He played on an adult hockey league. He was HEALTHY. Even now it is hard to wrap my head around everything that happened. He fought cancer with everything he had. For awhile, we even thought he beat it. But then the cancer came back and it was even more aggressive. Pancreatic Cancer has an incredibly low survival rate. Almost two years to the day from when we got his diagnosis, he lost his battle. And I lost everything.

We didn't have a storybook romance, and it has been hard to come to terms with that. In a lot of ways we were oil and water. In a lot of other ways we completed each other. Before he died, I told him, "I think we made each other better people." We really did. I guess the rest of it doesn't really matter, because I loved him and he loved me.

I found YWBB right away. I googled "young widow support group" and found the site. I think I was looking for a step by step guide on how to get through this, but quickly learned that it didn't work that way. I met some of the nicest people who have become close friends. Others I only know virtually, but as I see their lives moving in a positive direction, I am rooting for them. And I know that they're rooting for me too.

It's been over three years since I lost him, and even now I occasionally find myself here. There are somethings that only other widows understand.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Eddienhp on March 09, 2015, 08:57:27 PM
I found ywbb in 2012. I never wrote a post yet I read daily. I was shocked to find ywbb cut off so abruptly without time allowed for transition. It is sad those who started such a wonderful place couldn't find a way to pass the torch. I, along with many of you,
felt abandoned. I applaud all those who reacted so quickly to set up a new venue. Thank you.

My husband R was diagnosed with stage IV Cancer in 2010. We had a 3 year old and 5 month old at the time. We were shocked. R had a very hard time facing his diagnosis. He withdrew. It's like he wanted to run from it. He literally started to live a separate life; going on trips alone and running up tons of bills. It was excruciating for me. I was devastated but had to carry on caring for two young children. My older child has special needs so I was very busy. I remember holding tears back as I put the kids to bed then crying for hours every night.

R finally came back to his senses but he remained in denial of his prognosis. The day the doctors told him he was out of treatment options, R asked why no one told him his disease was that serious. It was heartbreaking. I stayed with him in the hospital and later hospice 24/7. He was afraid to be alone. As he began to lose his senses, I made sure to constantly tell him I was there. I only left his side to use the restroom. The rest of the time I spent holding his hand. He spoke to Jesus and angels. It brought relief to know he felt at peace when he passed. I would need that comfort to keep me strong in the coming years.

I had many challenges to face. There were significant financial issues that needed to be resolved. The children were 5 and 2 when he died. I would learn how to become a single parent while juggling a career, maintaining a household and becoming a fierce advocate for my son. I have survived a lot. We could have easily been bankrupted. It's been 3-1/2 years and I am finally nearing the end of the financial negotiations. It looks like we will make it. We have survived.

My grief can be complicated. I am mad R didn't plan for his kids. He advised others to do so yet he neglected his own family. Other times I wonder if I have really grieved at all considering how much I have had to handle since R died. Then there is the true love I had for him. He came into my life and encouraged me to grow in ways I would have never imagined. He was my love, my friend, my confidant, and business partner. We were immersed in so many ways. My life is truly better because he was in it. For that, I will forever miss him. Not a day goes by without me thinking of him.

He was a talented and creative man. He left many pieces of art he created. I cherish each one of them. One day the children will inherit these wonderful gifts he left behind.

I look forward to being part of this community.
 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Leighsa2015 on March 09, 2015, 09:45:38 PM
My husband was on a business trip and the day he was supposed to come home he had a heart attack in his hotel room. I had spoken to him in the morning and expected to hear from him when he arrived at the airport. By 4:00 pm I knew something wasn't right and I started to try to track him down. The hotel staff went to check the room around 1:00pm since he hadn't checked out. It wasn't until around 8pm I finally got someone at the hotel to tell me. I was a bit irritated to learn they called the car rental company around 3 pm to get the rental car, but they didn't bother to call me. The coroners office in my county arrived about 10 pm to inform me, better late then never I guess.

The first year was a blur. Year 2 came too fast and I wished I was still in year one, but each year has been easier. I've learned time flies even when you are not having fun. I am doing well and while I'm still a little uncomfortable in the singles scene, I have slowly begun to enter the dating world and am excited to see how my life plays out.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: DrMommy on March 09, 2015, 10:04:12 PM
My name is Tracey (DrMommy from the previous boards). My husband was diagnosed (after a year and a half of mis-diagnoses) with Stage 4 Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma at the age of 35. He survived the gnarly treatment and went into remission. We struggled with fertility for years. All I ever wanted was a boy and girl born in August as I, my mom, my brother and other close family members were born in August and I wanted 2 little cubs to join our pride. Fertility docs wouldn't even do invitro on us because of the damage caused by the intensive chemo treatment. Fast forward....after a lot of prayer and surrender (oh...and I am a scientist so that didn't hurt) I conceived naturally and have 2 little Leo cubs born on August 1 and August 18th.

My husband fell suddenly ill in May of 2013 and went fully septic in a matter or 3 days. He had developed a rare and nearly always fatal blood disorder eventually diagnosed as HLH (thought to have been dormant and triggered by previous chemo treatment). He fought like hell to live, but my 2 young children and I found him dead in our home on a Saturday morning. We have been devastated and traumatized. I am still picking up the pieces.

And to add to that...my mom (who was my closest friend) died only a matter of weeks before my husband. We were not told she was fighting terminal uterine/liver cancer. I had 10 days to find out, put her in hospice, and say good bye. Her mother (with whom I was intensely close) died 12 weeks before her.

2013 was an absolute shit storm. I have since sold my house, bought a new one, have become sole provider and parent and and trying to re-engage in life. I know I am not done living and loving.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Gabzmom on March 09, 2015, 11:56:42 PM
Hi, I'm Angie. 

My husband Rob and I were somehow meant to be together.  He by far was the funniest man I ever knew - he had a brilliant, dry, quick wit that kept me in stitches.  He was a kind and nurturing soul - he was kind and gentle with the young and the elderly.  I loved watching him around my grandma and his grandparents. 

We got married twice, thanks to Deserts Shield & Storm.  He was in the Air Force and left after 10 years and went into the AF Reserves.  He got his degree and ended up finishing a career handling insurance fraud.  Rob was a runner in high school and for a year in college.  He didn't run much during our marriage but his family said it was beautiful to watch him run (he ran the mile and mile medley) - his fastest time in HS was 4.19 and in college it was 4.11 (I remember that because it's my height).

Rob was my best friend, the perfect complement to me.  He was laid back and easy going and I am hyper and always on overdrive.  He was pretty healthy on the outside but had some issues with high blood pressure.  He was thin and seemed to be in perfect health.  However, he left us far too soon due to a cerebral aneurism.  We are now almost 33 months out.

My daughter was 13 at the time of his passing.  I think she was my lifeline - my reason for living.  People perceived me to be strong and yet, as I look back, I think I fell into this deep abyss.  I was on auto pilot - my memory was shot, my brain was shot.  I could only focus on making sure my daughter would be okay.  I miss him every day. 

I know this is getting long but I thought I would post my first posts on YWBB.  I joined in August of 2012.  I couldn't read the threads - it was too painful for me and Lord knows, I was pushing my pain aside just to survive.  I think it took me damn near two years to allow myself to be sad.  I had my crying moments in the shower, in the car, in private.  But I kept those moments very brief.  I started and stopped, and started and stopped a private blog to write my thoughts out - it was a bit cathartic at times and at others, so very painful that I had to leave it.  (and as for the slacks mentioned below, they are still hanging in my closet)

Anyway - here are my posts:

YWBB on 9-2-12
I am so sorry for everyone's loss. I signed onto the board on 08/02. I could only post a few words at the time.

I have been pretty much in a fog. As the fog lifts, there is still so much to do. I am getting the medical bills now and I put them away.

Rob died from an aneurism. I found him downstairs and called 911. A neighbor came over to help me. He was still alive but having a hard time breathing. They did surgery - I had a little hope that he would come through, but with major medical problems. He had been responding. Then later that evening/morning, they called me at my brother's home (he lives 2 miles from the hospital). His fluid was building up againg and they put in the shunt. By this time - severe brain damage. We got back to the hospital within a half hour - 3:30 a.m. We said our good-byes less than 12 hours later.

My best friend and love of 21 years was gone at 53. I feel lost without him. We have a 13 yo and will be going to a program called bridges.

This is so hard. And I feel so sad for all that have to go through this horrible time. I hope we can get through this - I call it "our new normal."

YWBB on 9-2-12
I gave away Rob's suits to my nephew. I asked my DD to pick things she wanted. We are keeping his shirts as a friend is going to make a quilt. I am taking his shoes and slacks to a place for people that need work clothes/interview clothes and can't pay for them. I gave ties to his best friend, brothers, and my daughter. I still have several.

I can't get to the socks, t-shirts and underwear. I have the craziest moments at the littlest things. When I returned his work cell phone. When i had to cancel the Long Term Care policy. When I changed the insurance on the car. I cry and feel like I am erasing him one piece at a time.

Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Yell120910 on March 10, 2015, 02:10:46 AM
Hi everyone, thank God I found this forum to release my emotions and thoughts? (this was posted 19th of November 2014)

My husband passed away last 24th of August 2014 at the age of 30. It was a sudden death. I found him in the toilet at 2:30 in the morning lying and without vital signs. We rushed him in the hospital but declared dead on arrival after an hour of revival.

I have two wonderful boys, ages 2 years old and 1 year old. My kids miss their father so much. I know because as a mother, although they do not know how to express their emotions yet, I can feel it. I can feel the longing of my children for their father. That is why I need to wake up and put a smile on my face each day for my 2 boys. I do not want them to feel that they are losing me as well?

I want my kids to be happy, but how can I give them the happiness they need if I am so broken inside?
Greg was very loving to our children. He loved to shower them with his kisses and hugs; unfortunately, they will not remember those things anymore ? they will, someday, forget how their father loved them.

I want to be surrounded with people. However, after the funeral, our friends and some family members are now silent? The people who said they will help me and be with me in this journey are busy already with their own challenges in this cosmic life? All I have are my 2 boys and my beautiful parents who frequently visit us at home?

Greg was my soul mate. I still wish he never died. I miss him every single day. For more than 11 years, he was with me.

I love him so much.
This journey is very painful.
 
_________________________
 Greg 01.27.1984 - 08.24.2014
We had our worst and BEST of times, I'm happy we didn't give up.

Our love was perfect. When my mission on earth is done, see you in heaven!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: HvnBound on March 10, 2015, 03:24:03 AM
Hi all! I am hoping that my one-year-behind-wid-sis joins us here, she was Max2507 (I think)...I am HvnBound, live in Illinois but say St Louis area, can see the St Louis arch from my deck and kitchen window. I am getting my house ready to be placed on the market. No real help in that arena but am working on it on my own. I have been to quite a few bagos and minibagos and those helped me so much.


I was widowed on May 4, 2012, DH was a diabetic with a myriad of other health problems and he died of heart failure/stroke. We thought he would live, we were wrong.

I am currently trying to get my place on the market and sold. I am trying to move forward with my life and have new interests and new goals, number one is to move out of this area asap. I am so thankful for this site!!!

Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: sdarrah1130 on March 10, 2015, 07:40:36 AM
My Name is Sandy and I lost my husband Eric on 02/26/2015, 12 days ago.  Eric and I started dating in 1992 when he was 18 and I 21, we dated for almost 3 years.  We broke up for 5 years and reunited in 2001 we were married in November of 2002.  E was diagnosed with high BP and End Stage Renal Disease at 27. He receive a kidney transplant from his mother in 2003.

He had been ill (the flu) dehydrated for about 2 weeks, he went to his regular kidney appointment and they admitted him for dehydration.  He spent 3 days in the hospital getting fluids and attempting to eat.  He came home with still no appetite but knew he needed to eat.  He went back to work 2 days after the hospital as he is stubborn and if he "goes to work, I will feel better" "I just need to get back to work".  Saturday morning he woke up, checked his BP and his heart rate was a bit elevated, Took a shower, complained of nasal drip making his stomach upset, he kissed me goodbye (3 quick kisses), told me he loved me and left for work. 

I received a call from my MIL stating that his job called his dad and said he had a Heart attack.  I immediately call his job and they confirmed.  Panicing I called my brother and he drove me to the hospital in a blinding snowstorm as fast as he could.  When we got to the hospital the doctors said he had had a cardiac arrest that caused a heart attack.  They weren't sure if how long he was down so they put him into a medically induced coma for 24 hours.  We do not believe he was conscious at any time.

After the 24 hours was up, they warmed him but they discovered he had a bacterial blood infection that his body was fighting and  due to the hit to all organs the kidney was not filtering the sedation from his body.  They started a slow dialysis to help remove the sedation, toxins and infection from his body.  After 24 hours of dialysis he was beginning to open his eyes and the neurologist was getting some response.  We were cautiously optimistic. 

I went home that night anticipating more responses the next day.  I received a call from the hospital at 4:50 AM that my husband was not doing well and I needed to get to the hospital.  I called my MIL and we both were on our way.  When we arrived at the hospital they said his lung had collapsed and his heart stopped again.  He was having trouble with the vent and I knew this was it. 

Discussions with the doctors were not even close to hopeful.  Our biggest wish for my husband is that he was not baptised as a child however raised in a catholic household.  He always wanted to go through the classes and be baptized, anointed and confirmed.  We expressed out wishes to the nurses and hospital staff.  The hospital E was taken to is a faith based hospital and they were able to provide my husband, MIL and myself with our wish to have him baptized .  I believe that once he was baptized, anointed and confirmed he was at peace. 

We called his family (4 siblings), my family and our closest friends to come to the hospital.  I had to make the hardest decision and sign the most horrible paper in the world.  My husband was removed from all life support and passed away surrounded by his family and closest friends at 6:30 PM on February 26, 2015. 

The past 2 1/2 weeks have been filled with "things to do"  To/From the hospital, Funeral planning, calls being made/making calls, people texting, calling and stopping over.  The last few days I have finally been by myself at my house.  I am still in shock and denial.  I keep thinking E is at work (he worked a lot) or out of town.  I really haven't cried and i am frustrated at this.  I want to cry, sob, scream and throw things. I feel too rational and I am frustrated. 

I have started to work half days to get back to our "routine" hoping this will trigger the real feelings inside and help me start to really feel my loss.  I know everyone grieves differently and it takes time but it is frustrating.

Thank you for listening,
Sincerely,
Sandy - E's wife
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: LostMyCharles on March 10, 2015, 11:02:47 AM
I'm Jessica. My husband passed on Monday, December 8, 2014 at the age of 48. We had spent a wonderful weekend buying and decorating a Christmas tree and putting lights up outside the house. Sunday night we put our 5 year old daughter to sleep and went to bed. He often got up in the middle of the night due to insomnia; he would go to our guest room and quietly watch tv until he became tired again and would return to bed. Monday morning the alarm went off and he wasn't in bed. This had only happened a couple times but it didn't alarm me. I went to the guest room and found him in the bed; he had been propped up watching the tv but slumped over. I tried to wake him and realized something was terribly wrong. Called 911 and performed chest compressions until the EMTs arrived 5 minutes later. They worked on him for about 20 minutes but could not bring him back. He had suffered a sudden, massive cardiac event (no history whatsoever). I know it must have been extremely sudden because the blankets he had on up to his waist were not disturbed so I know he didn't thrash in pain. It's like, it hit and he went down.

We had been together 20 years, married for 17 (our 18th anniversary is at the end of this month). I'm 40 and find myself a single mother to a 5 year old daughter and we're both grieving very hard.

Thank you for providing this forum. I tried to register for YWBB, but, well...... you know.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Munsen on March 10, 2015, 01:56:50 PM
Hello all. I'm glad so many familiar names have made it here. I'm also glad for the introductions as I feel I've forgotten so many in the early months of grief and fog. I extend a warm welcome to the newer widows. I'm so sorry you have to be part of this group but I'm also so grateful that you found this place!

Sorry to take so long to post here but after losing my first two posts to this thread, I discovered that I needed to check off the little "do not log out" box when logging in....yep, that's how long it takes me to compose a brief history.  :P lol 

But, I will try to keep this one short and sweet.

Hubby & I met in 1980 when driving around and cutting laps with friends.  I saw this cute guy in a nice car and mentioned it to my girlfriends and they concocted a plan for all of us to blow kisses at him on the next pass.

However, my girlfriends ducked down at the last second so only I ended up blowing him a kiss...which freaked him out but also piqued his interest. Half an hour later both of us were stopped at the local burger joint and he invited us to ride around in his car. Well, that was that. We couldn't stop watching each other in the rear view mirror and once everyone else was dropped off at their respective homes, we drove around alone for a bit of talking. When he dropped me off at my front door, he asked for a kiss and I told him he was rather forward for just meeting me. So he said it was for his birthday. I made him pull out his driver's license so I could check the date (it was) so he got his kiss. He thought it was funny I didn't believe his 'line'. I told him his line only worked because I thought he was cute.

After that we were inseparable and were married four years later on his birthday. I often teased him that not only had I met him driving around, most of our dating was driving around as were most of our vacations plus he ended up driving for a living!  Can you tell he loved driving? lol

We had three children and were happily married 26 years when he was killed just before Christmas 2010 in a vehicle accident. Having the police come to the door with the news was very traumatic.My only consolation was that he was killed instantly.

 I've had a lot of losses in my life (parent, 3 siblings, close friends) but his is the loss that crushed me and broke me completely. I am grateful for my faith as I feel that is the bedrock that helped me rebuild after his death. Its ironic that I'm called to survive what I always thought would be un-survivable. My hope that I will see him again is what sustains me. (though I'm saddened it won't be what we had in this world, I trust/hope it will be somehow better).

I'm also grateful for the friends I've made here and the support I found in those early terrible days. It was of immense comfort to be understood and not judged for my feelings and thoughts on grief. Most importantly, it was helpful to find others that said, 'Me too!". As CS Lewis puts it so well: "Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . ."
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Being the only youngish widow in my circle of family and friends it was tough for it came with lots of judgment and public curiosity but YWBB was my saving grace. And I will always be grateful for that.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: klim on March 10, 2015, 03:30:37 PM
I"m Sandy (klim) , I lost my husband Mike to a sudden unexpected catastrophic heart attack in April 2013. He was 50 yr old and the healthy living type of guy. Ate right  and was always working out. On the day he died his last words to me were" I'm going to go downstairs to do a ride and then finish off my fruit"
His heart attack happened while he was  doing his daily exercise ride. The coroner said he was dead before he hit the floor. I tried cpr while my then 15 yr old son dialed 911...............

.
He loved us dearly , his sons were everything to him. He was my rock, my motivator, my love. I mourn hardest not for myself but for my children's loss. I know I can handle myself.But I can't be everything to my two sons now 17 and 19)] that he could have been. I try hard. It was and is my number one concern...that my children know they will be fine. Part of what I do is lead by example and show them that I am fine. Life goes on......(http://)
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: TooSoon on March 10, 2015, 05:00:41 PM
Hi, everyone.  I thought the closing of ywbb might signal a time for me to untether but I'm just not ready yet.  I still need you!!!

It has been more than two years of tough choices regarding my career and daughter but there is also hope now, of which there was, at the time I stumbled upon ywbb, none.

For anyone new, I echo what others have said.  Ywbb saved me.  Even if you never once post, just reading others' stories can work miracles against the feelings of isolation and doubt being widowed necessarily bring out.

My husband fought a brave, highly public and ultimately losing battle against an enemy that cannot be beat: glioblastoma. When it was all said and done, to say I was traumatized is putting it mildly.  If you are a GBM widow or widower, please feel free to reach out.

To the creators/moderators, thank you!!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: nonesuch on March 10, 2015, 06:29:44 PM
My husband and I were married for almost 25 years.

Unfortunately, he was an alcoholic, and this was causing problems in our marriage. He had been fired from three jobs the last six years of his life. His response to that was to drink more. I had decided I could not longer stay married to him. The same day I made that decision, before I could tell him, he told me he had lung cancer.

He had been to the doctor, and had some x-rays and tests, but had not shared with me what they were for or what had been found.

The next five weeks I took him for a biopsy, we visited the cancer treatment center, took him for surgery to insert the porta-cath. He had one chemo treatment, and the next week pneumonia canceled the treatment. The week after than an artery near his lung ruptured and he died suddenly at home.

When I was young, I figured that divorcing people must not love one another any more. One certainly hears that attitude from divorced people, a lot. I was angry and frustrated with my husband, but am surprised sometimes at how much I miss him. When one is angry and frustrated, it is easy to forget that what your life is now isn't always the way it was.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: momtokam on March 10, 2015, 07:42:41 PM
Hi Everyone,
Thank you Jess and Justin for working so hard to make a welcoming home for all of us.

My name is Gina and my husband was killed in an accident at work in Sept 2012, just 8 days after our 20th wedding anniversary.

It's just about 2 1/2 years and at times it's still a blur. There are good days and bad days but I persevere it seems and keep going.

Odd thing is that there are still moments where I think he is still here and I need to tell him something or think he will help me with something and then seconds later it's reality check time.

I have 3 amazing kids, even though they drive me nuts sometimes.
I am sad that they don't have their dad in their lives anymore, they deserve to have him here.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: patriciad on March 10, 2015, 08:44:51 PM
I am Pat.  I was married to Billy for 25 1/2 years but he was my best friend for 31.  In the summer of 08 he started losing weight, was anemic and exhausted.  Doctor did a workup, couple of tests but nothing was conclusive.  In the fall he fainted at a fundraiser.  He had never fainted a day in his life.  I knew something was really, really wrong.  Despite going to doctors, we still didn't have a diagnosis.  In December he had a nagging cough.  The doctor sent him home with antibiotics.  Two weeks later he still had "the cough".  I told him to not come home from the doctor without a chest X-ray.  I was praying he only had pneumonia.  His dr called and said there was a spot on the X-ray.  Two days later the CT scan showed lung cancer and after a PET scan he was diagnosed with Stage IV. 
He fought quite the battle.  He kept going for chemo and radiation and cyberknife for his brain metastasis.  He lived for 137 days after that diagnosis was made. His doctor said he was doing well, the tumors were shrinking. But his lungs filled with fluid and he was hospitalized for a week. Chemo had ravaged his body. I brought him home and 4 days later he died in my arms surrounded by his family. 
It will be 6 years in April and some days it feels like a year ago and other days it feels like a lifetime ago.  I miss him dearly and think of him so many times every day.  I have remarried and have a house full of grown single kids(his and mine).  It is not the life I had imagined, or dreamed of-but it is a good life.  And that is something that I never ,ever thought I would have again.

Thank you for bringing this board together.  It was my lifeboat in the early days and even though I don't post often, I read everyday.  I wasn't ready to let you all go and so happy I didn't have to.

Pat
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: klc on March 11, 2015, 09:48:38 AM
Well, here I am. More details later.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Captains wife on March 11, 2015, 09:49:47 AM
My name is Juli. I lost my husband suddenly in a boating accident exactly 2 weeks before our 3rd wedding anniversary, back in 2012. He had made a career change and was working for a recreational boat towing company when he was called out to help a local boater in distress. Unfortunately, the job took hours and the weather deteriorated - and his boat went down around 1AM. I had talked to him on the phone at 11PM as I had called him, worried about the deteriorating weather - he seemed ok, the boat was handling fine and he said he was tired and hungry so I went downstairs and put his dinner out for him. I received a phone call from the Coast Guard at 3AM, informing me that he put in a MayDay call and he was missing. I don't even like to think about what he went through in those last minutes of his life. The Coast Guard and a lot of local boating volunteers were searching for him for hours and the boat (and his body) were finally located in the late morning the next day. I heard the entire search and rescue on the VHF radio my husband had in his office. I also went to "pick up" my husband's body that morning and I remember how numb I felt.

We had just bought a large house in a small town and had a 9 month old son, with plans to have another child. I had to inform his family, his friends what happened and it was the worst calls I ever had to make.

Our marriage had its difficulties but he and I were best friends and he was a great father to our son. He was such a supportive father. We miss him very much and even almost 3 years out I feel I might have post traumatic stress disorder from everything that transpired.

However, saying all of that, the death of my husband taught me a lot and I am striving to be happy, move on with my life and create a wonderful life for my son. I feel lucky in some ways that he was in my life for a period of time and we continue to look forward as best we can.

Finding the YWBB helped me so much and I am thankful for it and helped my healing process immensely.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Catnip on March 11, 2015, 10:35:33 AM
I’m Carol. My husband, Dave, died suddenly from pulmonary embolisms (blood clots in both lungs). We put the Christmas tree up the week before Christmas and he died the next day. I called 911 at 7:40am and he died at 10:00am that Sunday morning. The wake was Wednesday, the funeral was Thursday and Monday was Christmas, 2006. We were married 26 years and we have 3 sons who were 17, 20 and 22 at the time. We were both 51 years old.

My 3 sons are now all college graduates, all with full time jobs, and two still live at home. We come and go and pass each other in our travels. I work full time too, at a college where they all received free tuition, where I got my degree, and where I met my husband (we had classes together). My middle son has Cerebral Palsy so he will probably always live with me. We have one black cat, Calvin (aka the Calvinator).
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: cmf on March 11, 2015, 02:07:31 PM
Hi all,
I wrote this in 2010 on ywbb, and thought it might be easier on me to cut and paste rather than rewrite my history, which means all dates refer to 2010.

***********************************************************
This is so hard to write. On May 24 Val and I were eating dinner together as always when he coughed a little harder than usual. He spit something out and had the most awful look on his face. ?Was that blood?? I asked him, knowing the answer and not wanting to hear it. He went to the doctor the next day. The doc thought it might be bronchitis, but wanted to do a CT to make sure. A week later we were in the oncologist?s office and he told us to pray that it was lymphoma. Who says that? He put Val in the hospital for five nights to monitor since the tumor was pressing on his superior vena cava and cutting off the blood return from his upper body. 10 radiation treatments, 3 stents in his vena cava, and 3 chemo cycles later the treatment was working and the cancer was shrinking everywhere, and it was everywhere except his brain. 10 days after we got the good news that it was working he died. One of his tumors dislodged in his lung and took his artery with it. He bled to death on our kitchen floor on Sunday morning, August 22. 11 weeks and five days after we learned he had cancer. After that everything is a fog. I am 14 weeks and 5 days into this process. I am lost, wandering around in the wilderness expecting to find him. I can?t imagine how Christmas will be. Thanksgiving was awful. I ran a Turkey Trot with a friend and her family. They did nothing but complain for the entire run, before they decided to quit a half-mile from the finish. All I wanted to do was yell at them that the only reason I was there was because Val was dead and could they please just be quiet. I didn?t, and I hate feeling so hostile towards people. Anyway, it is nice to know that I am not alone in this, though I wish none of us were here and hadn?t needed to find each other.

**********************************************

Back to 2015 I echo what I said then it is nice to know that I am not alone in this, though I wish none of us were here and hadn't needed to find each other.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Sandi1970 on March 11, 2015, 08:40:40 PM
Wow! It was a little scary going back to the #1 post.

I'm bringing the whole thread, since I only had 1 reply. It brought me back to my old screen name. I was so freaked about his family being pissed that I had life support removed, I was afraid they'd find me here. I was so sick then too. That year sucked. About a couple months in, and lots of hours with my wonderful chat wids, I became myself :)

Thanks for welcoming me Maureen (Wheelerswife) I am so glad we even got to meet last year. You were my very first contact in the widda world, I'm glad I went back and looked. I remember you'd pop in and out of chat, always pm'ed me to see how things were going. Thanks from the bottom of my heart!

I've met so many countless, sweet wids friends now, probably for the rest of our lives! Hugs to all!

Sad thing I realized, my old tag line is no longer correct. I haven't spent over half of my life with him anymore. Weird.

Sandi/Deb in the beginning :)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi Everyone,

I am new to this forum, a forum 2 weeks ago I would have never went in search of and now I am so glad I found it.
Life is just strange now. I have so many questions yet I mostly don't want to hear the answers. I have spent the last week very sick with bronchitis then pnuemonia, it is like my body is demanding attention and rest. I don't really blame it.
My husband had a small surgery and all was great. Then when I thought we'd get to see him my life changed completely. The words didn't make any sense & I still have alot of unanswered questions. It was something to do with his heart, I had two choices to make for his survival and they needed my answer then. Life stood still for the wait to see if this would make him better, was I doing the right thing?! Each doctor came through and I asked a million questions, everyone was optimistic but nothing connected. Then a new specialist walked in and all I heard was 1%. His chances were 1%. 1% I hate that. After I had all the facts I asked for life support to be removed as it wasn't assisting to get him better, it was only keeping him living. He'd never be who he was again, only a shell of my wonderful handsome husband. He had severe brain stem damage, my baby didn't know me or even himself anymore!
I had an uphill battle with his family who felt I was killing him because maybe he'd get better. There was nothing that waivered in my choice because he clearly told me his wishes. He also said he didn't want his mom & me sitting around crying over him. Thank god he told me so much, it helped me to be strong.
Now I am a mess. Everyone is different & say bizarre things. His brother wants everything. When or will this get better?
_________________________
Over half my life spent with my wonderful husband that made me feel so appreciated and loved each day. He always said when it's his time it's his time but why at 39?!

#1005298 - 04/02/11 12:01 PM  Re: 12 days & it so overwhelming
[Re: Sandi1970]
Wheelerswife 
Member

Registered: 10/20/09
Posts: 2523
Loc: High Plains of Kansas   
Hi, Deb.

I am so sorry you had to find us here. At the same time, I am glad you found us so soon. Welcome to the club, as we say, that nobody wants to join. That said...this is the greatest bunch of people you could want to meet. Right now it is all so raw and fresh and not much will make you feel better at this point. Right now...you just need to keep breathing. Seriously...I think we all had to be reminded to breath in the first weeks. Drink water, eat when you can, sleep when you can, take any help anyone wants to offer. This time is all about you. You are grieving and your grief is your own. Don't let anyone tell you how you should feel. Do NOT let anyone make you go through his things or throw things away. Everything that was his is now YOURS and in time...whether it be weeks or months or years, you can decide what should be done about his things. Come here often. Read, post, scream, vent, cry. We understand. I am so sorry.....

Maureen
_________________________
Wherever you go, I shall go.....
My beloved Barry...11/29/55-9/22/09
You gave it everything you had.

My polarbear....such a brilliant and beautiful man.
1/16/57-1/11/14
You had so much more to give, to learn, to teach.

Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: ChrisMyLove on March 11, 2015, 09:31:08 PM
Hi I am Alexandra, but mostly known as ChrisMyLove on ywbb. I finally made it here. I lost my Chris on 12/31/2012 and although I am doing "better" I miss him daily.
Here is my original intruduction,  I have not reread it since I wrote it and even now I am only copying and pasting. Here goes.....


On 12/31/2012 I lost the Love of my Life to a horrible event. Chris and I met on 3/28/2005 and it was Love at first sight. I was a bit worried at first considering at the time I was 31 and he was only 24. But I could not escape his charm and his devotion to make me feel secure and loved and to eventually wipe all my doubts about our age difference away. He "grew up" to be this wonderful, amazing, loving, kind, always happy, helpful, sweet kind of guy a woman can only dream of.
He would hold open all doors for me to the point of even telling me not to touch the door handle in the car, walk around to the driver side and open it for me. I work nights, so once he heard me wake up in the early afternoon and head for the bathroom he would start my coffee for me.There are so many little and big things this wonderful man did for me but most importantly: HE LOVED ME!!!. He would tell me and show me daily and in all the time we where together never "slacked", if anything he got more attentive.
Every hour spent with him was a happy one. We had our ups and downs of course, but no matter how bad things got in life we knew we could depend on each other.
Chris loved making new friends and hanging out with them, playing games, BBQing, watching Football.....
On Sunday night/Monday morning at about 2 30 am he came home from watching football with his friends.He wasn't supposed to have gone out but some game times had gotten changed and he begged me: Baby, its the last football Sunday. Come on.....
So of course I said yes.We talked and texted throughout the night and he kept telling me he would stay out a bit later, and a bit later.....Well, at 2 30 am when he came home he was rather drunk and late so of course I was upset with him.
We had a slight argument and he kept apologizing and asking me to pick a movie( we are night owls and watch movies every weekend once he gets home until the sun comes up or we fall asleep). We did our usual routine, he took his jersey off, hung it up, shoes in the corner, I got something to drink, he went to the bathroom....... We have a small house so no matter where we are the conversation continued. I went to the room I had been all day to shut of the heater and turn of the lights and computer when I heard this aweful noise come from our bedroom....
My first thought was : Well crap, now his drunk ass broke the big screen.I ran into the room and saw him laying on the floor and thought shoot, he passed out hit his head now I got to keep him awake cause he might have a concussion. This is all happening in seconds, I reach down to touch him and shake him awake when out of no where a pool of blood appeared under his head and started spreading.. I screamed : Oh my God Baby, What did u do???? Ran, called 911 .............
He was pronounced dead at the scene and my World ended.
I don't know what happened, I don't know how it happened.
I have a million questions and regrets. I wish I never left the room and just stayed with him in the bedroom,I wish I had never gotten mad at him for coming home late, I wish I had said I love you , I wish I had never let him leave to watch football in the first place, I wish I could turn back time............

I miss Chris every second of every day.He is the Love of my Life. He made me the happiest woman on earth for almost 8 years. We had so many plans for the future. I feel cheated out the - spending the rest of our lives together. I feel alone with no one to talk to. Chris was my person, no matter what I needed to talk about he would listen.We would talk, phone, txt, every few hours. I am so angry at myself for not realizing how drunk he was. I am mad at myself for not just being happy he was home.
I have lost all will to live. I used to be afraid of death now I wish someone would just run me over with there car. All I do is cry, yell, scream, beg him to come back. I wish I could just stay in bed all day with his picture and never speak to another person again. But the bills have to be paid.
I cannot sleep, when i do I have nightmares, food is hard to keep down and the pain in my chest when i think of Chris is unbelievable.
I feel like I must be a horrible person to deserve my happiness just snatched away and replaced with this horrific pain and suffering. There are times I just don't see the point anymore and I ask myself why I am sticking around.Why not just end it all? If it is true that your loved ones are waiting on the other side why should I have to wait 20 30 40 years to make it there and in the meanwhile live with this grief.


So this is my story, sorry that it is so long.
Thank you for letting me vent.
_________________________
My Love...My Life...My Person...My Best Friend...My Soul Mate...
I love you Baby!!!
Chris
9/6/1980 - 12/31/2012 (the day my World ended)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uXpA_WtVBk&feature=youtube_gdata
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: tk74 on March 11, 2015, 11:30:09 PM
Hi guys, I'm Tyler.   I was briefly on YWBB, sent by a friend who is also a widower.  I was glad to find this present place, however. I dunno maybe i just like the old-school message board set up... or maybe it's just the atmosphere. 

My wife, Chanty Elise, passed away on November 3rd, 2014. I'm still so lost without her.  She was perfect, she was flawed and she was mine. She was the only one I ever truly wanted and the only one I've ever loved.  It feels like yesterday and an eternity all at the same time.  We met in high school and from the first time I saw her I knew. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. It was 1989. Half way through the school year she moved away and we lost touch. Exactly twenty years later (to the month), we found each other on Facebook and (three days later) had our first date. I think we both knew that night that fate had brought us back together.  I'm the luckiest man in the world for having had her for even a brief amount of time.  I wouldn't trade any of it, not even the pain of losing her, for all the money in the world.  I just wish I could have loved her longer.

Chanty was a very "brittle" type one diabetic.  The last couple of years she had been frequently hospitalized due to the varying complications associated with diabetes and gastroparesis.  About a year ago several pulmonary embolisms were found in her chest .  They put her on blood thinners, which caused her to vomit blood at alarming and painful rates.  Trips to the ER were always nightmares.  Unfortunately, the incompetence of some of the health care workers still astonishes me.  The "last time" I took her in to the ER, was merely so they could give her fluids, because she had become dehydrated from being sick.  We didn't even think they would admit her.  Due to neglect of the nurses not checking her blood sugar for hours, she went into diabetic ketoacidosis and they decided to keep her over night.   How was I to know that leaving her for the night, would become such a source of guilt, shame and torment? I wasn't by her side when she needed me. I called her early the next morning and she simply said she wasnt feeling well and would call me back.  A couple hours later a hospitalist called me and told me to get there quickly.  Cardiac arrest caused by the pulmonary embolism.  By the time I arrived, they had resuscitated her 3 or 4 times over a 45 minute time frame.  For the next twenty four hours, she was in a coma ( and eventually brain dead).  I had our daughter, parents, siblings and a few close friends in the room with us.  We took turns going into the room with her alone and made our peace and said our goodbyes.  I pray there was a part of her which could still hear me. I've heard coma victims can hear everything said to them.   My God, was it hard and so very surreal.  When they unplugged her from the machine we were all there holding her, loving her and not wanting to let go.  A part of me is still there, not wanting to let go.  It's been four months and eight days and I'm not even close to wanting to let go.  My sweet Chanty was just 40 years old.  We were one month away from celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary.

Losing her on November 3rd meant, I had to quickly face the upcoming holidays with such a fresh wound to the heart.  Thanksgiving, our anniversary (dec.4th), Christmas, New Years, her birthday (jan. 16th), and of course the list goes on.  Fortunately I was so numb from the shock of losing her, I somehow made it through.  I do know January was colder, Spring will be lifeless and Summer will be void of warmth or color. Autumn, our favorite season, our last season together, I?m sure I?ll grow to resent. Life simply has no flavor or meaning.

I know, right now, everything is harder and regret is a bitch. I?m so sick of crying or tearing up with a knot in my throat.  It's taking it's toll.   While every single thing reminds me of her, the absolute worst for the first two months, was bedtime. Even if I had a decent day, the cruelty of reality comes with nightfall. The finality haunts me when I crawled into bed, knowing I'd never hold her again.  I finally started sleeping on her side of the bed and this actually seems to be helping.  The hardest part presently is simply living in this house.  Her ghost (metaphorically) is everywhere.  When my step-daughter isn't here, I just can't bare being alone... it's overwhelmingly sad.   I just want her back. I don?t want to move on and I don?t want anyone else. Yet at the same time, I don?t want this present darkness to become my identity.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: strongmama on March 12, 2015, 12:15:57 AM
I just wanted to say a quick hello in the forum's new home. My husband died in a skiing accident in 2012 the day before Father's Day. We were together for 11 years, and married for 3. He was a beautiful, vibrant person, and we were just getting started in our lives together. I have a young son, who was 2 when his father died.

Losing my husband was the most terrible thing that has ever happened to me, but the perspective it has given me on life and how I want to live it is a precious gift. I learned in a big way how to stop sweating the small stuff, how to let go, and just live. Today I am no longer consumed by my grief... my new life has its own new shape, which is not just the negative space around the life I used to have.

I don't visit here often, but I love connecting with other widows when I have the chance. Hugs, everyone!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Tee on March 12, 2015, 01:12:22 PM
I was also on YWBB and browsed a lot when I needed to remind myself there were others that were going through the same thing I was.  I have always been a bit shy and rarely posted. 
My husband and I married young and enjoyed 17 years together when he went to work one night (a trucker) and never got the chance to come home to us the following morning.  Another trucker on the same road fell asleep at the wheel and all is history now.  He had just turned 39 a month prior.  Our boys were 5 and 11 at the time of the accident.  9 years later they are 14 and 20 and life is still moving forward.  I have dated a little over the years, with nothing exciting to report on that area, just that I still have hope.  We live in a small town in the Midwest . 
We are lucky to be very close to his family as well as my own, and I just keep busy with the kids and with volunteering that I have found to be good for me.  I am glad to see this board will continue to help others as it has helped me more than you know.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: November on March 12, 2015, 01:24:16 PM
Hi I'm Leslie was November on YWBB. I lost my husband on 7/20/14 due to road rage.  We were visiting his parents in Mexico and on our way home a drunk driver in a truck cut in front of us almost hitting us. My husband and the man had a verbal exchange and the driver of that truck pulled out a gun and shot my husband.  He was 41.  We were married for 15 years.  I miss him very much everyday but I see him in our 3 beautiful children.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Mizpah on March 12, 2015, 01:29:49 PM
So glad to see the old names transfer, and know this place will be here for people the way it was back when I was raw and devastated and desperate for understanding. 

I'm Rachel.  I was 32 (almost 4 years ago now) when my Simon was standing on a sidewalk in NYC and killed by a car accident that left the roadway - he was 28.  We only had three years together, but they were extraordinary years with intensity that never faded.  We'd been about to start our family, and were living in a happy bubble of obsessive love.  I spent the first year or two grieving very very intensely, and at two years started to come back to life. 

I tended to reach out to newer widows to "pay it forward," all the amazing support I'd gotten here and in real life, and when I did that once with a widower I heard about, we ended up meeting up and having a crazy (and long distance) fantasy fling, falling in love, and then I moved north to the middle of nowhere to be with him and have his baby - she's 9 1/2 months old now, our double-widow baby.  It's not all rainbows and sunshine - life post-loss has been rough since recoupling for me, but here I am!  I honestly didn't believe I could physically survive the unbearable pain.  And I did.  Or at least I have so far!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: kookoo32 on March 12, 2015, 01:46:59 PM
I'm Laura. In 2 weeks it will be 6 months since my partner of 10 years Graham was killed in an accident at work. I didn't post much on the ywbb but reading a lot of posts on there helped me a great deal.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Flohog on March 12, 2015, 01:58:51 PM
I was Flohog on YWBB.  My husband was killed on 08-10-12 (at age 42) when we were involved in a one vehicle motorcycle accident.  He died on scene, and I spent one night in the hospital with a  broken elbow.  It's hard to believe it's been 2 years, 7 months ago.  He was my high school sweetheart, the love of my life, but we didn't refind each other until a few years before he passed.  We were married just under 4 years...and have 5 kids between the 2 of us.  I still see my step kids on a regular basis...luckily I get along with his ex because I couldn't imagine losing them too.

After 2 years and 7 months, I ever imagine I would be where I am today.  I have found love again...working on 1 year together and added a few more kids to the mix.  Life is so unpredictable and so crazy, but loving it.

Patty
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: theheneghans on March 12, 2015, 02:09:34 PM
Same name as on YWBB. I'm Kristina, I'm 30. I was 29 years old and 6 months pregnant when I lost my husband, Brett, in June of last year. I found his body when I returned from work. He was 29. We'd been together only a little over a year and married only 37 days. We had a whirlwind romance that began at our high school reunion in April 2013. I had our son, Q, in September, and in October, we finally found out cause of death (Long QT). I'm going on 9 months without him and honestly everyday is easier, but I still have moments where I miss him so much I can't breathe.

So glad to have found this place! YWBB helped me so much for so long, and now it's harder to post and read with an almost 6 month old, but just so so happy that this place exists.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: DansSoulmate on March 12, 2015, 02:48:47 PM
Hi, my name is Michelle and while I have read and learned so much from the YWBB over the past several months I never posted until now as I'm in a better place to do so.  On 9/27/2014 I lost my husband of 30 years to a catastrophic and immediate heart attack here at home with absolutely no forewarning or symptoms.  From the second he told me he thought he was having a heart attack until he was gone at the hospital was a little over an hour.  We were high school sweethearts and had raised two daughters, both now married, so this was to finally be the time for lots of travelling and enjoying our freedom.  It's still unbelievable to me that he is gone.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Laura1017 on March 12, 2015, 05:52:07 PM
Hi Everyone,

I'm Laura. I was MattsLaura on ywbb.  I never posted that much.  When I first found the board, I wasn't capable of forming many coherent thoughts, then my crazy in-laws found ywbb and the threats ensued.  While I didn't feel comfortable posting after that, I never stopped reading.  I read everyday until that horrid announcement that the board was no more.

I lost Matt to a car accident on 11/3/10.  I was 28 and he was barely 31.  It rocked my world, as you all experienced, and it probably took me a year before I could breathe normally again.  All of you taught me so much about life, death, and grief, and gave me the reassurance that it was OK to stumble through this journey.  It took a long time for life to feel worth living again for me and I still have plenty of days where it doesn't seem worth it.  I am finally able to smile and laugh about our life together more than I cry about the loss of everything and that is a huge accomplishment.  I moved across the country almost 2 years ago and started a new life, that now includes a new relationship.

All of you here are the reason I kept going.  I found myself genuinely caring about each of you and rooting for you from afar.  With every name I recognized that popped up on this new board, I shed tears of joy.  You gave me life when I didn't want it and I've only thanked a few of you for that.  So, thank you.  Thank every single one of you for sharing your stories and caring about everyone that is forced into a life that leaves us searching for this place.  And of course, THANK YOU from the mountain tops to everyone who got this new place up and running so quickly.  I am forever indebted to all of you and I don't know a greater group of people to whom I should owe that debt.  Maybe now that my in-laws don't even remember the sadiversary, let alone speak of my husband, I'll post more and try to repay that debt to others who need encouragement.  Giant wid hugs to all!  I really love you guys.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: MrsT85 on March 13, 2015, 01:01:05 PM
Hello all, I'm Rebecca.  I was 27 when I lost my Tim in a car accident almost two years ago.  He was 36 and was just three weeks away from finally completing his teaching degree when (we think) he dozed off behind the wheel.  He was in the home stretch of his semester of student teaching and the workload was so intense that he wasn't sleeping more than a couple hours a night.  He also had a Friday night DJing job he had been at and enjoyed for years, one that I accompanied him to the vast majority of the time.  Well, the night he died I had made plans to see a live comedy event with another friend and decided to "take the week off" from karaoke with him so I could go.  I've never in my life regretted a decision more.  Had I been with him that night, I could have either talked to him and prevented him from falling asleep or I died along beside him when that car full of sound equipment hit that tree.  He texted me around 3am, just minutes before he died to let me know he was going to stop for some fast food and to ask if I wanted some.  I tried calling and texting back for almost two hours, getting more and more panicky as everything went straight to voicemail.  By the time I heard the doorbell ring around 5am and saw the unfamiliar car parked outside, I had figured out what had happened.  And sure enough, when I answered it was two police officers there to tell me the love of my life was gone.  The last text I sent him that I knew he got was to tell him "please be safe."  He replied "will do" and then was gone minutes later.  We had been together since November 2004, when I was just 19 and he was 27.  We were married on May 30th, 2009.  I still find it a little eerie at times (and I have no idea why) that the time we got together - 8.5 years all told - is almost exactly the same as our age difference.

I moved out of our apartment immediately.  I spent about a year back in my parents' basement, then another year or so in my BIL and his wife's basement.  Over the next couple weeks, I'll finally be moving back to a place of my own.  Well, not really "my own" - I'll be moving in with my wonderful new fiance, who surprised the bejeezus out of me by giving me his grandmother's engagement ring on Christmas morning and asking me to marry him.  ;D


This has been one hell of a journey so far.  I'm well on my way to building a good new life again, but things are still hard and I still miss him terribly.  I suspect I always will, and he certainly deserves no less.  I still cry most days, even if it's just a single tear when I hear a particular song or revisit a particular memory.  But time moves forward, and even though I still sometimes occasionally feel like giving up, I know I have to move forward too.  And I don't know how I would have made it this far without this wonderful community. 


 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Nuggets on March 13, 2015, 02:10:59 PM
Woo Hoo --- some one left the door open a crack and here I am!!!! 

I am a WidowNet and YWBB old timer -- John, the love of my life, soul mate, star catcher and trailer-backer-upper died of Pancreatic Cancer on 21 July 2002. 

We had observed our 23 anniversary on 6 July 2002, our son was 11 and our daughter was 20 ... our spoiled rotten Shih Tzu was 9.

We have come a long way since:

- dawg died of catastrophic kidney failure in 2006 and the ashes and leash are buried under the sods on John's grave in Calgary
- son just graduated Faculty of Engineering at University of Victoria, and was immediately employed by a company that I used to work for (amazing how the management and colleagues at the BigBadOil company that John worked for just faded from view -- I feel ZERO guilt taking their Survivor Benefits until I die)
- daughter embarked on a second career in Marketing and Business Development after 10 years in a clusterfuck called Brinks... the only thing you really need to know about working there is:  You will go NOWHERE unless you have a penis.  She didn't have a penis, so bailed -- now looking for work after finishing the 2 year diploma program.
- I am in Central America -- I like it so damn much I may just move down here.
- I am not recoupled - I have been in 2 relationships in 12+ years, both were awesome guys -- neither wanted to share a future with me... and that's OK.  In some quarters it's a given that it's far better to be alone and lonely than alone and with someone.  I am rarely lonely.

I keep active on these sites because they were so instrumental in my healing, and I shudder to think what path I may have taken if I did not have a community that understood what I was going through.  I come back again and again to pay it forward, but find that even when I think I am giving, I am still receiving.  I have met many members in person - and believe that my life is better for my experiences both in this electronic arena and in real life.

Hang in there -- 'it" will NOT get better, "it" will not get worse --- but 'it" will get different.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: MrsDan on March 13, 2015, 02:23:26 PM
I am MrsDan. I wrote this on YWBB 10/13/2012.
"It was two weeks ago today that my husband died from liver failure. We're both 35. We met when we were 21 and were married 5 years. Our daughter turned three months old yesterday."

Lots of people here know a lot more of the story. Apologies to newer folks, but I just can't repeat the whole story right now. Well, maybe not ever, since I doubt I'll ever know the whole story, but you know what I mean. Thanks Jess for setting up this site!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: A Tout Jamais on March 13, 2015, 10:40:06 PM

When I found out that the YWBB site had been abruptly shut down, I felt a distinct blow! Most of my grief journey had been documented there, and the community had been an emotional home for me for a long time and held fond memories of my 'veteran' fellow travelers.

I was an early active participant at YWBB (under a different user name), which had become a lifeline and safe harbor for me at the absolute nadir of my life. Being childless and not having any other family, the widow community became my 'virtual family' and sustained me through many rough and harrowing stretches on this dark and perilous road. During that period of my life total strangers, although invisible and inaudible to me, brought me great comfort when I felt like drowning, simply through their virtual presence and reading about their own pain and battle for survival. While each of our stories were unique and our circumstances, backgrounds and personalities diverse, we all felt lost and were looking for answers. Writing many posts and replying to others became an analgesic for me and a therapeutic tool which helped me to hold on. As Shakespeare wisely wrote:

"Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break."

~~ William Shakespeare, Macbeth

Over time, and probably through natural progression, my former close travel companions vanished. Some gradually faded into the distance, others took a more abrupt departure. Each time it felt like a personal loss for me. - Perhaps similar to a natural disaster situation, the people affected by the cataclysmic event come to initially rely on and cling to each other and forge a bond, all having the same goal - mutual Survival! Some of us were also 'Survivors of Suicide', which drew us even closer, in order to not go insane. I was both a cancer caregiver and an SOS and felt completely shattered. YWBB was my sole refuge, there was no other in real life.

Over time though, some of the initial travelers' gait stabilized faster than others', and they began to explore their own escape route into unknown territory. Meanwhile, many continued to still huddle together for strength and support and followed a common trail for a while longer. But eventually everybody comes to realize that they cannot reside in their created 'safety cocoon' forever, but must take up and follow their own course. Often by default, Life takes them into different directions, and they have to learn to stand on their own feet. But even as they move forward on their journey, it feels comforting to many knowing that their former 'team mates' are still within reach for moral support. For others it feels better to not look back and recall painful memories, and instead to concentrate on the road ahead of them. ALL are looking for personal restoration and building something new, and each of us has to follow his or her own drummer.

"Happiness, that grand mistress of the ceremonies in the dance of life,
impels us through all its mazes and meanderings,
but leads none of us by the same route."

-- Charles Caleb Colton

Unfortunately, I was one whose progress was slow, and most of my former companions far outdistanced me. Eventually it began to feel quite lonely in my familiar safety cocoon, and so I finally decided to wander off on my own. Yet, I still kept reading many times, but no longer continued writing. It seemed that my glacial pace in advancing would only discourage newcomers and that I had nothing of value to offer anymore. Therefore I adhered to the following sage advice:

"Speak only if it improves upon the silence."

~~ Mahatma Gandhi


However, following the recent abrupt change of events, I was surprisingly quite jolted, and it felt like my metaphorical home had been destroyed. - I deliberated at great length whether or not to re-join to show at least some solidarity. Like @fleur in her BAG post, I had been quite ambivalent for numerous reasons. But then seeing more and more familiar names from a long time ago became the irresistible 'Siren call' for me.

It has been said that "You can't go home again" - and therefore only time will tell if my decision has been wise. Can I contribute anything positive when I still don't have all the answers even after many years? One thing I have learned on this bumpy road is that life is a perpetual apprenticeship. One never gets the final diploma. Each stage of widowhood carries its own challenges and raises new questions. What I have experienced on this journey is that there is steadily shifting ground, nothing remains constant.  It reminded me of another quote:

"Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes."

 ~~ Hugh Prather

And while this is true of life in general, widowhood seems to amplify it. The journey becomes an endurance test as it keeps changing its facets like the colors in a kaleidoscope, and one has to continually find new answers and keep jumping new hurdles. And sometimes life compels us to retrace old ground which feels like defeat. This road is not a short sprint but a marathon in my own experience!

"It isn't for the moment we are struck that we need courage,
but for the long uphill battle to faith, sanity, and security."

~~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh


Therefore it is comforting to know that former fellow travelers of this journey are still there, even if not as visible and vocal as they once were.

I wish to express my sincere gratitude to the founders of this new site, who have my highest respect and admiration for taking the reins in the midst of total chaos, despite their own personal struggle, and deciding to help so many others in dire need, especially newcomers. This shows true grace under pressure! Someone said that character is not built during adversity, but adversity reveals it. In this instance it has revealed positive leadership, great generosity of spirit, deep compassion and caring for others in the midst of great personal turmoil. It reflects humanity at its very best. Thank you @wadmin - @Jess and @Justin - for your enormous effort, dedication, hard work and great skill to help others who are hurting like you. Additional thanks to those who act in other supporting capacities to get this new place off the ground and keep it running smoothly.

"We cannot hold a torch to light another's path
without brightening our own."

~~ Ben Sweetland


May you derive comfort and healing through all you have done, and may your own path become bright and filled with hope and rejuvenation.

ATJ  :)
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Frederick on March 13, 2015, 11:10:46 PM
I was going to repost my introduction from YWBB, but then I decided to make a fresh introduction here including my experiences since then.

My husband passed away from glioblastoma in August 2013. His diagnosis was a year before that. His last year could be divided pretty evenly into thirds: the first was full of hope and optimism, and our wedding, the second was reality setting in, and the last was, well, anyone who's lost a partner to terminal illness will understand why I won't go into detail.

Soon after I found YWBB, and it helped me immensely. I didn't post so much, but just reading other experiences helped so much. I discovered that old friends distancing themselves was quite normal, grief causes all sorts of physical and emotional symptoms, and many other things. Reading responses from members weeks, months, and a year or more out was helpful. I know some "veteran" members don't like to post potentially discouraging things for fear of scaring new members. But, you know what? I was impressed by the fact that they were still around, still pulling through, and at a time when I felt I didn't have any future anymore, it was encouraging.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: canadiangirl on March 14, 2015, 01:34:29 PM
Hi, I'm canadiangirl. I also came here from the YWBB site.  My husband died in 2013 after a cancer battle of four-and-a-half years.  In a period of 15 months we were married, had a baby, got a new house, I got a new job, and he got a cancer diagnosis.  Many nights I would do what many new moms do and check to see if my baby was breathing, and then I would go and check if my husband was breathing. 

He fought cancer to the very end.  There was no preparation for the end, no expression of his wishes, no videos or letters to our child, none of this because to do these things for him would have meant accepting death or giving up. It was heartbreaking. I am still proud of him. I am still exhausted.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: marian1953 on March 14, 2015, 02:16:38 PM
I started this post thrre times now. I acccidently deleted my account, and now I am back. I am a former ywbb member, Marian1953, formerly pete'smar.
Peter and I were together almost 33 years. He died New Year's Day 2007. I had just had my 53rd birthday. He had been hurt ten months before in a horrendous crippling work accident. We had been sleeping on an air matrress in the living room as he could no longer sleep in the bed- too high for him, so we had slept in the living room for 10 months. I had got on the couch in the night because that thing was so damn uncomfortable. I awoke and knew something was wrong, started cpr and called 911. Sudden cardiac arrest.
Marian
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: IfIonlycould on March 14, 2015, 03:01:00 PM
My first post on YWBB:
It was done October 29th, 2008

Unfortunately I'm here
IfIonlycould 
Member
Registered: 10/29/08


I wish I had never had a reason to be on this site--I wish for all of you the same. I lost the love of my life, my husband, my destiny, in July. We were together almost 12 years and married just a little over 6. I have been reading posts for almost a month.

i carry your heart with me i carry it in my heart
_________________________
We must free ourselves of the hope that the sea will ever rest. We must learn to sail in high winds.
Aristotle Onassis
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: trying2breathe on March 14, 2015, 08:31:25 PM
Hi - I was trying2breathe on YWBB, and copied below is what I posted 3 weeks after my husband's death in August of 2013.  Since this post, my daughter and I moved back to the States and my son stayed in Europe to complete his senior year of high school.  For me, the grieving process was delayed as it took a lot to deal with foreign bureaucracy and an international move, feel like the better part of grieving started after the move back last summer. 

We were married 20 years, celebrating our anniversary a few months before he passed.  I had no idea that a few months later he would be gone.  I'm grateful for the time that we did have together. 

***********

DH died suddenly on August 1st - he collapsed while out on a solo bike ride after work. He was found by others but their efforts at resuscitation did not work. DH was an avid bicyclist, loved riding the hills close to our house.

My kids and I live in a foreign country, where we do not speak the language. I had 2 police officers at my door that fateful evening, attempting to tell me what happened. This took 1-1/2 hours of their pacing in my front driveway and smoking cigarettes. The only words that I understood were "husband" and "bicycle". I just knew.

For the sake of my two kids that are in high school, we are trying to stay in this country and in this house. A move right now would be so very difficult. Although I don't know if it would be any easier not seeing the constant reminders of him, everywhere I look.

Grateful for this site.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: MissinGrizz on March 15, 2015, 03:21:11 PM
I was on YWBB with the same name. I hadn't planned on joining here, but want to put myself out there in case any people with similar experiences need an ear. The board helped me a lot, so I owe it that. And, I do still have pockets of grief, especially watching my son turn into a man looking so much like his dad.

I met my Grizz at age 19, married him at 23, had kids with him at 30 and 32, and lost him at 40, two days after our 17th wedding anniversary. He left for work in a snowstorm, I said I love you and be safe, and the next thing I knew the police were at the door, I was screaming, and my life as I knew it was over..

I was a die-hard "I won't date until my kids are grown; romance is done for me" person. After all, I was with my husband for 21 years, my entire adult life. I heard the horror stories about what was out there, etc. I had a life full of family and friends and a career I love, so I thought that would be enough.

I was asked out by my son's friend's dad at two years, and I freaked out. "How dare someone ask me out. I'm married," I thought. I refused. Over the following summer, I started focusing on me. I took the kids on multiple road trips, I lost 30 pounds, and I started to love life again. In the fall, even my in-laws gave me the "it's time for you to date speech." I went online for a few days, but I hated it. Then, a couple of months later, that same guy from last spring tried again, and I decided to give it a try. I'm so glad I did. This past summer, we married under a maple tree in the backyard of out post and beam house with our three teens in attendance. The blending part is challenging, but it is so worth it, and he understands as I do that my Grizz isn't ejected from my heart. My heart just grew.   I'm now five years out.

Those of you who knew me at the beginning know that I preached the NEVER speech again and again. So . . . those of you starting out, please know, there is hope. Even if you don't think it's what you want, that may change.


 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: donswife on March 15, 2015, 05:37:57 PM
hi I am new to this group . I had discovered ywbb a month after my husband died but was waiting to get approved so I am so glad I found this post. I was able to read the post and it did give me much comfort. My husband Don died suddenly of a heart attack a week after his 51 birthday. I was with him . as always . We have been together for 27 years ,married 24. He died at the end of october and I still find in hard. I miss him , He was an amazing man and we had a great life so not sure what the next step is
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Katelsam on March 15, 2015, 06:26:19 PM
Hi, I'm Kate-a cancer widow. My husband and best friend passed away at the ripe old age of 29. I was 27 and pregnant with our third child at that time. My late husband was an amazing, fit, handsome, selfless, incredible man; no family history of cancer and a never-smoker.

He developed a dry cough and was misdiagnosed countless times before we received the life-shattering cancer diagnosis. After pushing for a broncoscopy and being told "There's no chance it could be cancer" by the pulmonologist, turned out it wasn't just an incredibly rare/aggressive, never-smoker lung cancer, but also stage IV. Three months after my husband's correct diagnosis he passed away unexpectedly from complications from the chemo; he always told me he'd take the same path a million times over to have the kids and I. He passed holding my hand. He was and continues to be an inspiration to me.

I am in a better place, but still struggle with losing such a wonderful man and my kids not being able to know such a wonderful, loving soul. His life was the children and I and the pain of his loss runs to the core. Right now I'm at the point where I'm just grateful for the selfless, beautiful love we shared that many will never have the opportunity to experience. My focus continues to be my kids, career, family, and friends.

I have the life I've always dreamt of with the exception of losing my better half. It does get easier with time, but it continues to be an uphill battle. As hard as this journey has been I feel incredibly blessed to have had his love and our beautiful children.

Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Lisa on March 15, 2015, 06:27:19 PM
 I am glad you are here @donswife, everyone else too but especially since you can finally post.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Joeswife on March 16, 2015, 12:08:14 AM
Hi I'm Ann, Joeswife at YWBB.  It will be one year as of this Friday that I lost my husband Joe. We had been together 19years and two weeks shy of our 15 year anniversary.  It was late at night and he had a terrible headache.  He fell and couldn't get up and by the time the ambulance arrived (we live far out) he was barely breathing.  He had what they later determined was a AVM ( similar to a stroke or aneurysm).  They didn't think he would respond after the first surgery but he did and was able to move his eyes and his toes.  We were told he would need a long recovery but he would make it.  But he started bleeding again.  Another surgery and he woke again but with less movement.  His brain kept swelling and they felt he needed a third.   That one left him only able to open his eyes and they said he was getting worse.  His brain just kept swelling.    11 days from the first event the decision was made to let him go.  Our children were 8 and 11 at the time.  He was and is the love of my life, my soulmate. 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Lost35 on March 16, 2015, 12:18:02 AM
I'm also from YWBB.  It's over six years since P. died in a work accident.  I was three days pregnant (and didn't know it) with our hoped for child.  He is happy, healthy and five now.  I think the first few years were just shock and survival.  I'm still working through it and miss him every day, but am forever grateful to have found my way to this group. 

-L.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: donnak on March 16, 2015, 11:10:48 AM
ok i cant remember if i already posted or not a combination of old age and widow brain but here goes im donnak on here and also in chat i was dkuziora on ywbb i lost my dear ed to bladder cancer and a bad heart on nov 14th 2010
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: MikeR on March 16, 2015, 03:31:34 PM
Hi All,

I am a long time member of YWBB (MikeR there and MikeR here - creativity is not my strong suit  :) ). Nearly 9 years for me - seems like forever. Glad to see that there continues to be a place for us. Thanks to those who got this going.

Mike
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: K+F on March 16, 2015, 09:08:06 PM
Hi, I'm K.  I lost my husband, F to a sudden heart attack 5.5 months ago.  He had been recovering from a ruptured abdominal aortic aneurysm that occurred in January 2011.  The RAA left him a paraplegic, so I was also his caregiver for the last several years.  Although he had been ill, his death was  sudden and unexpected.  We have a beautiful 8 year old little boy.  We are both still reeling, trying to figure out our lives without F.  I'm so happy to finally be able to post, as I've been lurking since right after we lost him, but my registration was never confirmed.  Thank you admin and mods for making this place for us and confirming my registration so quickly!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: myjohnny on March 16, 2015, 10:30:50 PM
Hey there, I missed you all. I have had a hard time following what was going on. I took my first extened break (of about three weeks) and came back to find everything had changed! Thank you for setting this up girls! I consider this place a part of me and I initially paniced1 I have had too many learning curves lately, every electronic I own has broken in the past five weeks and...

My husband John died four years ago February 15th. I found this site out of sheer and utter desperation, it was my life line, it IS what let me know I was not clinically crazy.

It has been a really long, really challenging road, but I do not know how I could have survived all the trials and all the things that fell apart because he died without you dear, dear fellow wids.
Title: goodness, go away for a few weeks and..!
Post by: maddalena on March 17, 2015, 08:43:48 AM
Hi, I'm back from florida.
A lot of you know my story, my husband died in July of 2012 of esophageal cancer. He was very young and exuberant and healthy so when cancer got him, it was devastating. We were very much in love, and had been married for almost 35 years when he died.  He taught me and so many other people about love, acceptance, surrender, and honor.

Last year I met a new guy, and we have been building a new relationship. I often feel Donald, my husband guiding us.

anyway, nice new digs!!!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: merrylea on March 17, 2015, 11:22:45 AM
Hi everyone-

I was part of the other group under the same name, and several people were gracious enough to e-mail me after that site was shut down to let me know about the new an improved board!

I lost my husband in March 2014 to a car accident.  I was sick that day, he had left work a little bit early, and he was rear ended on the way home while making a turn.  We were only married for a year and a half, so really, just newlyweds.  While neither of us were perfect, I can honestly say that we had a good marriage and we were both pretty damn happy.   

It was so incredibly helpful for me to have this resource, especially in the early "zombie" days.  When it all went down, I thought I was the only person like me in the world.  Unfortunately, I wasn't.  I'm so very grateful for the people I've met through ywbb, those people have truly been a bright spot in the shit storm.   I look forward to the support of this board in the quest to rebuild going forward, as many decisions will need to be made sooner rather than later. 

Take care all!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Neverthesame on March 17, 2015, 01:01:36 PM
I was Bill4 on YWBB. I changed my screen name to Neverthesame because that?s the one constant that I?ve found through all of this?..nothing ever stays the same. My wife fought stage IV breast cancer for 4 ? years before I lost her in October of 2006. Our kids were 11, 13, and 16 when she died. Now, my kids are grown (or think they are anyway) and I?m remarried to a wonderful woman who also happens to be a widow. YWBB is gone now?..so many changes over the last 13 years. Obviously some of those changes were not so good for me, but some changes have been better than I could have hoped for.

I?m not really sure why I decided to register on this forum after YWBB shut down. I never really posted much before and I probably won?t here. I guess it?s because widowhood will always be a part of my life and this type of forum got me through the tough times. As optimistic as I am about my future it will always be tempered by the pain that I felt when I was widowed. I suppose some small part of me still feels a part of this group and I?d like to thank those here who decided to start this forum and pick up where YWBB left off.

Bill
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Max2507 on March 17, 2015, 02:44:01 PM
Hello everyone again! Thanks to those who got another forum together so quickly. It really was a shock the way it went down with ywbb. Thanks for the shout out HvnBound! If I could I would so come help you with your house. Its hard going it alone.

This is what I wrote 5 days after my husband died:
Hello everyone. My husband died this past Saturday after what seemed like not such a bad accident in our motorhome. He seemed fine afterward but a few hours later died in surgery , had internal injury. He was the love of my life and I am just devastated. Thanks for all the posts especially in the advice I used some of it right away dealing with pushy business people and it helped a lot. I am fortunate to have a lot of support here but like many have posted its hard for people to really understand what you are going through. I am on a roller coaster ride between whole body sobbing and complete disbelief.

Now I am about a month and a half from 2 years. So much has changed so much has stayed the same. The whole body sobbing has given way to occasional silent flowing tears and complete disbelief to yes this shit is real. I feel I am healing but have a long way to go. I have hope but at the same time don't know if I have the capacity to love like that again. He was such surprise of unconditional love, he was my person and I was his. He seems so far away now. I was an independent person when we got together and not until his death did I see how much I identified with being his wife, how every other thread in the fabric of my being was intertwined with him. Eventually I started feeling no longer his wife but his widow. Just recently I have started feeling like I am a solitary person.  I had a few dreams of him over the months and waking up just devastated to realize he was in fact still dead. A dream I had last memorial day weekend wrecked me for 3 weeks. Recently I dreamed quite a steamy dream of him and I woke up thinking yes that was nice. No moment of forgetting he was gone, its like physically/subconsciously I knew he was dead so I didn't wake up crushed that it wasn't real.

I just keep moving forward and doing the best I can.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: linda5 on March 17, 2015, 07:56:54 PM
My husband and I were high school sweethearts.  He was a Senior and I was a Sophomore.  We had Drama Class together.  He took one look at me and told his buddy that he was going to marry me some day.  We  immediately knew we belong together.  I truly think we were soulmates.  We started dating when I was 16 and never broke up. 

My husband, Will, died suddenly on Palm Sunday of a pulmonary embolism.  He was fine one minute, gone the next.  Two of our three daughters were home with us.  Our youngest was a Junior at Mizzou and home for Spring Break.  She and her sister were putting a 1,000 piece puzzle together in our family room while I had my feet in his lap and he was reclined on the sofa.  We were watching Breaking Bad on DVD (I can never watch that series again), when he made a funny noise.  We all jumped up and I tried to do CPR on him, but forgot to hold his nose and the air came back out.  My youngest was a Nursing Student and pushed me out of the way and said, "Mom, let me handle this!"   I was so very proud of her.  She, at 20, was barking out orders for me and her sister.  My other daughter got 911 on the phone and they told us to do CPR on the floor.  It took all 3 of us to pull him by his feet and watch his head and arms drop to the floor.  When paramedics arrived, they got all the information from my youngest.  My middle daughter tried to run and hug me then, but I pushed her away and told her that Dad  is on the ceiling, watching this!  We need to talk to him now and tell him how much we need him and not to leave us.  I told her we can't cry now.  We've got to help fight for his life.  We need to tell God now how much we need him.  To tell Will not to leave us. 

I honestly couldn't have prayed any harder, better, more sincere.  I kept my tears bottled up because I was fighting a spiritual fight for him.  I felt as if I was Mother Theresa, I couldn't have prayed any better.  I was honestly shocked that I lost the fight!  I truly thought God would hear our screams of despair and let him live. 

My oldest daughter and her husband arrived while the paramedics were here and they revived my husband 3 times while in the ambulance.  At my husband's celebration luncheon, my mother fainted and the paramedics were called (my mom was fine).  As it turns out it was the same ones that came to my house.  They told me that they were just talking about my me and my girls and were discussing how they were going to contact me.  They wanted me to know that they revived him in the ambulance and that he did fight for me.  They also asked me if I noticed their tears when they were leaving my house.  They told me they each have had over 15 years experience and dealing with us was the first time they cried at an event.  They said they have never witnessed such a great love and that me and my daughter encouraging, begging, pleading with Will and God to give him back really touched them.  They said he did fight for me, for us, he just lost.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: twistedmensa on March 18, 2015, 02:02:57 AM
As I am approaching the one year mark, perhaps it is time I stop lurking and finally make my first post.  This time last year (almost to the day) I took my husband to the ER because he couldn't breathe.  He had been on antibiotics for about 3 weeks for what the doc thought was bronchitis...but I knew in my heart that his lymphoma had returned (he had been in remission for nearly 4 years).  It was maddening that our doc didn't send him to the oncologist immediately...looking back, I know I should have pushed for more action.  I will have to live with that regret.

At the hospital, they found that the cancer was widespread but I was hopeful because he had responded so well to chemo the first time around.  He was scheduled to start chemo the following week. But it wasn't lymphoma.  They weren't sure what kind of cancer it was, but that it probably started in the lungs.  Then the bombshell....life expectancy anywhere from 3 months to a year.  That was March 22. My best friend and partner in life passed away on April 23.  Just a week after we had the talk with our kids about what 'might' happen, my worst fears were realized. 

Life since then has been a blur.  So many changes, and so much to deal with.  We are still trying to pick up the pieces.  I try to be strong for my kids, but I think they are dealing with this better than I.  Perhaps I should follow their example.

I would just like to say that even though this is my first post, I was lurking at YWBB since I discovered it about a month after my world imploded and it has been a great comfort to know that I am not alone.  I am so thankful that I found this wonderful group of folks.

Title: Re: twistedmensa
Post by: maddalena on March 18, 2015, 08:03:17 AM
ah yes, the fatal doctor optimism.  My husband had 3 months left on earth when his doctor told him he might live to see grandkids...
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: tableforone on March 18, 2015, 02:41:07 PM
.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: WifeofCharles on March 18, 2015, 09:35:26 PM
It has been 5 1/2 years.  I was a member of ywbb from about 3 weeks in.  I see familiar names and kept my own.  I am on chapter 2.  It is a journey.

Remember be kind to yourself, drink lots of water, sleep when you can, eat when you can.  Do not worry about thank you notes!!  Know you will overcome.  You never forget, you just find a new normal.

I will love you always.

Dee

I am sad for the ywbb.  I am glad we are here.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: SJ (aka Suedaz) on March 19, 2015, 12:49:49 AM
Wow-another hop to a new board!
The YWBB saved my sanity many years ago. I know it did the same for my now-hubby.

I was widowed in 2007. ( Suedaz on the board and in chat)
Mark was widowed in 2006. ( MPS on the board and CTD-circling the drain! in chat)
Both of our spouses had sudden heart attacks. Both were in their early 40s.

Mark and I  met in the chat room of the YWBB on NYE/2009/Jan 1, 2010.
In April we met in person,  in June we got engaged,  and in August of that same year we eloped to Hawaii.
Five years later we are now living in our dream city and enjoying life once again.

Grief and widowhood are things that CAN be dealt with-in one's one way, in one's own time.
Hugs and good vibes to all. 8) 8)



Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: DonnaP on March 19, 2015, 08:48:37 AM
Hello,
I'm DonnaP. I also was a YWBBer. I joined in May 2010, a month after my husband, Mick, died from sudden cardiac arrest. He was literally fine and then gone, within a 15 minute time span. I still have trouble wrapping my head around it. It seemed so unlikely that a perfectly healthy 50-year-old man, with no other symptoms, could drop dead in an instant. And yet, that is exactly what happened.

A month later, I found the board and it was a lifeline. I read mostly at first, and then got brave enough to post. Reading the replies gave me such a sense of hope. It was like escaping from my gray, lifeless world for a while. I soon began to recognize names and attended a BAGO, where I met some wonderful people who all knew what I was going through, and had just the right words to comfort me.

The days, weeks and months following Mick's death were the worst of my life. If it hadn't been for my family and friends (especially those on the board), I would have stayed in that dark pit of despair, instead of climbing my way out. You all gave me hope. YWBB is also where I met MrDrew, who found me one day and reached out in friendship. Friendship turned to love and we are now married.

My life is quite different from what it was in the "before time," but good and happy again. My sons are both doing well, and I have a new step-daughter. Life is good. :)
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Grammy on March 19, 2015, 07:55:26 PM
Hi and ((((Hugs)))) to All. I am Nancy Myers from Phoenix, AZ.  I lost my husband John on January 31, 2007 to heart disease.  I stumbled across the board in April 2007 on a sleepless night.  I suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury, January 5, 2013 and forgot many things like my username and password, but have been active in a few FB groups.  So, where do I begin?  My DH had a major heart attack, bypass X7, damage to 90% of his heart in July 1995 so really I should have been prepared if that is possible.  But he recovered and somehow during that time, death did not seem to be in the future.  He just lived for the day when both of our boys were finally grown and out of the house.  He was a manager at a towing company doing Police impound work when he was short of help one night and went out on a nearby freeway to pick up a vehicle from a DUI arrest.  The DPS officer left the scene to grab lunch and a drunk driver drove up the back of the flat bed tow truck, and luckily he was bending over because her car drove over his head and body in May 2003.  He was in critical condition with broken hips, legs, arms, ribs, ect. but came home to recover in August.  He continued to recover until August 2006 when he finally got back to work part time.  He was not able to drive but had been in the office most of the time anyhow for his job and very happy to get out of the house.  He worked for 8 days when it was time to move my youngest son down to the dorm at the UofA.  We spent the day together as a family and drove home having dinner out on the way.  We were sitting down just getting relaxed from the drive and talking about his goal of "Finally being alone together with No kids in the House" and planning our 20th Anniversary celebration with a long overdo honeymoon in Hawaii in February.  But he suddenly didn't feel well, and I ended up calling the neighbor who was a local paramedic.  He had his first of many heart attacks that were to become the end.  We lived over 30 miles from the nearest hospital at the time and ended up staying with his Mom in the mobile we bought her 1 mile from the new at the time heart hospital in September to be safe.  We sold our town home in December and I bought a defibulator (sp) that insurance didn't cover in January.  He was mad that I spent the money, but I wanted him to continue living.  I hope that this makes some measure of sense and that I can participate here.  It feels like home for me. 

Oh, I became a Grammy March 15, 2010 to a beautiful grand daughter Zoey.  She looks like a mini me but has her Grandpa's beautiful blue eyes and eye lashes that look like false ones.  (Really I am so so jealous.  Both of my boys got the baby blues and eyelashes from their Dad) Her Mother left her with my son and wanted a divorce when she was 5 months old.  I had been laid off and was starting a new job on Monday of that week but put off the start date for a month and cared for her while what was going on with my son and his then wife was to get sorted out.  Honestly I expected her Mom to take a week and come back at least for her? But she did not come back into her life until she was 3 1/2 years.  I had been in a room mate situation (no benefits) with an old friend for a couple of years and ended up moving in with my oldest son and being Grammy.  Now her Mom takes her 2 days a week around half of the time.  My younger son, just laughs and says that I am back as a Mom again.  So I am a proud now 52 year old Grammy to a beautiful 5 year old. 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Bobssleepykitty on March 20, 2015, 05:33:10 PM
Hi! I'm Bobssleepykitty (BSK). This is one of my first posts from TOB (The Old Board):
*****************************************************************************************************
Hi. I lost my husband on July 29, 2007 at 12:32 a.m. from sepsis. Actually, it was as a result of his dialysis permacath and his end stage renal disease. I was with him in the hospital for three weeks, holding his hand and telling him how much I love him. I was there when he died, but he left me when I was asleep because he couldn't say good-bye to me. He fought so hard against ESRD all his life - he was told he'd be dead in a year when he was 17, and he fought for 40 years. We were only married for a year and a half, but we were together for almost four years. In the span of four years, I've gone from being single, to being engaged, to being a bride, and now.... To being a widow. It sucks. IT SUCKS! I wake up every morning at 6am because that's when I would wake up in the hospital to talk to the doctors. I shake uncontrollably. I cry for anywhere from one hour to four or all day. I pray for death ever minute; I'm angry that God took him instead of me. I can't do this. I can't...
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: NoKindaDancer on March 20, 2015, 08:54:42 PM
20 months ago, my 33 year old husband of 11 years was walking on the sidewalk to work and a truck lost control and hit him and he died later that day with me at his side.  Our kids at the time were 3 and 5.  I found ywbb a few weeks after he died, and found incredible support and friendships.  I am moving forward and healing, and aim to carry his memory during this journey. 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: whiteirony on March 20, 2015, 10:58:47 PM
Hi everyone,
My name is Mari and I've been a part of YWBB since January 2012. My husband, David, died 12-30-12 from a chronic lung scarring disease. We were together 10 years and married for 8.  He was 42, me 31 and our children were 5, 3 and 2. Our marriage had been stressed the last year of his life from his latest incident with drugs and alcohol. He was such an amazing man when sober yet the demons of addiction succumbed him. Thankfully enough, he did sober himself during the last 6 months of his life only to have his lungs flare up and kill him.

Over the course of the last 26 months, and a lot of therapy, I have recovered from my own co-dependency and found ways to find happiness again. I am currently engaged and will be wed this fall. I don't seem to comment on the board much but I do come to visit and read and find comfort and support in others' words. It helps tremendously to know that I don't walk this path alone.

Many blessings to each and every one of you!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Mr C on March 21, 2015, 06:51:14 PM
It has been 13 months since I lost my wife to a burst aortic aneurysm and the pain is still so deep. :'( I am just going to copy my introductory post from last April:

On February 22nd, I lost my high school sweetheart. We have been together for 27 years and married for 22. I miss her so much and feel so lost without her.

I am grateful that we started so young and that we were able to share the joy of raising two kids, 18 and 14. She was such a great mother and together we poured everything into our kids. I love our kids so much, but I was looking forward to the time when it was supposed to just be the two of us again.

The loss felt sudden, even though I knew the risk was there. She was fortunate to survive an aortic dissection three years ago and she had heart health issues ever since. Yet she was able to accomplish so much during this time, always with her beautiful smile and positive spirit. We didn't have any goodbyes, but at least we were able to add several special moments over these past few years.

I alternate between feeling so blessed to have experienced such amazing Love with this wonderful woman that was adored by all who knew her and feeling the sadness and loneliness of losing my best friend. The tears seem to flow best when I experience both emotions simultaneously.
_________________________
Mrs.C, You have been my Sweetheart, Best Friend and Love since 1987. You will be my Wife forever and ever and ever. Love Always, Mr. C
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Brenda on March 21, 2015, 08:11:07 PM
Hi.  New here.  New to the whole losing a spouse thing too.  I lost my wife of twenty years a few months ago after a frighteningly short battle with cancer.  The poor girl never had a chance.  Struggling to pick up the pieces - life is fragile and shatters into millions of tiny shards, doesn't it?

Forty years old and a widow.  So glad I'm not alone, horrible as that sounds.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Questions on March 22, 2015, 04:44:32 AM
Hi, I'm Cyndi,
I live in California & have been widowed nearly 6 years,
I lost my husband of 27 years to complications of a rare aggressive cancer (cholangiocarcinoma).
It took the doctors a long time to find it. They kept telling him he was in perfect health but he knew different & kept going back to them. They misdiagnosed & treated him for various other illnesses for about 2 months before finding the cancer. At 1st we were told it was fully contained & 100% curable with a galllbladder operation & they scheduled an appt for us to meet with the oncologist surgeon 1 week later. In that appt. we were told it was stage IV, unresectable & completely covering his liver. He'd be gone in 2 months but may possibly live 6 mos to a year with chemo.
So he started chemo but had a major stroke a few days later. Said he didn't want to be taken to the hospital but I called an ambulance anyway. He arrived within 15 mins. but surgeons couldn't clear the blood clot in his brain in time & half his brain died.
They couldn't wake him up after neurosurgery or prevent his blood from clotting & he lay in a coma for 5 days before I made the decision to remove him from life support.  I never got to say goodbye.
3 shorts weeks from cancer diagnosis to death but the pain of losing him lingers on..
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: all4liv on March 23, 2015, 10:47:51 AM
Hello, I'm all4liv from YWBB. I don't post too often but appreciate all the advice given that was especially very helpful early on.

Tomorrow, 3/24, will be 3 years. My wife died unexpectedly from cardiac arrhythmia caused by myocardial ischemia. She had surgery about 6 weeks before for a bowel resection (her 3rd surgery for that) and a hysterectomy. She never felt right after the surgery and was very depressed. She went on hormone replacement therapy 2 weeks before and started getting her personality back and wanted to see friends again. Our daughter was at her mom's that Saturday. After dropping our daughter off, we ran errands and got home about 9:30 pm. She went in the house and I let the dogs out and got the mail. When I came back in the house only 2 minutes later, she had collapsed on the landing between the flight of stairs and could not be resuscitated. She was 37, I was 38 and our daughter was 7.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: 66etype on March 25, 2015, 11:08:40 PM
Hi, I'm Tracy and I was 66etype on YWBB. My user name is my husbands favorite car... and I'm pretty sure it was a thread killer in the past. I lost Michael 6 months after a diagnosis of poorly differentiated kidney cancer. There wasn't much that could be done. He struggled, suffered and held his head high.
Next Friday 4/3/15 marks the 3rd year he has been gone. I have learned a lot about myself and others through this roller coaster ride. I know that I am a good person, some of my "friends" only liked me when I was happy and at my best... grief fucks that all up! I now only have a couple of pre death friends and many more post death friends. My first 2 years were very difficult.. sometime around 2.5 years life got easier. I flirt, have fun and enjoy life much more than I have in the last 3 years. Still not much focus on the future... not sure that will ever come back.

My heart breaks when I read the posts from newbies... what an awful time in life.. then the first year ended and it didn't get brighter.. it just changed but was still blue. I can only hope that things get better as I get older and live through this awful situation.

Big hugs to all of us... this all sucks!

Tracy
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: MamaZ on March 26, 2015, 04:32:00 PM
Undifferentiated cancer (rare);  89 days from discovered to gone, Oct 30, 2006. He was 42, I was 41. Our kids were 6 and 9 YO. Complained of chest pain in May. Without even looking at or touching the patient, the doctor "diagnosed" GERD. D had a stage 1 melanoma removed in 2004. Why no follow up, or concern?After three weeks of pain, it stopped. We never even filled the GERD prescription.

In July, pain resumed. This time, doc pressed on D's sternum (D yelled in pain). Ordered CT SCAN. Lemon sized mass at top of heart, inoperable and already mets to bone. We got one round of chemo in after numerous rounds of pathology to try to categorize the cells to direct treatment. The chemo made D too weak to withstand any more. He walked to the doc office that Tuesday. By Thursday he was quadriplegic, by Saturday, gone. He was still himself to the end. It was so quick that he had not lost any hair yet.

That Tuesday, I told the kids the cancer was going to win, eventually. On Friday, I futher explained that I meant DEATH. We were unsure if we would get Christmas or even Thanksgiving with him. I never dreamed he would not see Halloween.

Worst moment of my life, even worse than witnessing his final breath (was asleep on morphine due to breathing trouble), was telling my children that next day. I would clobber anyone who harmed my kids. I had to hurt them worse than they ever imagined in telling them of his death.

F--- cancer!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Lost35 on March 27, 2015, 12:31:40 AM
Welcome MamaZ,

I just have to tell you I hear what you are saying; telling your children would be the hardest thing for you to do.  Please know that you are also the ONLY person who could tell them in the way they needed to be told.  You were only ever honest about life and death and what more can a good Mama be?  We need to be extraordinarily kind to ourselves when judging our actions during these times, as we simply do our best, and what more can we do? 

One of the greatest "gifts" of this experience is the gift of forgiveness...  I'm glad you are here.  I'm glad we are all here, though the reasons we find ourselves here are not good.  I can't imagine going through this alone...

Take care,

L.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: JeanGenie on March 28, 2015, 08:36:21 AM
I have learned a lot about myself and others through this roller coaster ride. I know that I am a good person, some of my "friends" only liked me when I was happy and at my best... grief fucks that all up! I now only have a couple of pre death friends and many more post death friends. My first 2 years were very difficult.. sometime around 2.5 years life got easier. I flirt, have fun and enjoy life much more than I have in the last 3 years. Still not much focus on the future... not sure that will ever come back.

My heart breaks when I read the posts from newbies... what an awful time in life.. then the first year ended and it didn't get brighter.. it just changed but was still blue. I can only hope that things get better as I get older and live through this awful situation.

Tracy, I could have written the same things about pre death and post death friends and how I'm feeling at 23 months.  I'm hoping life gets a little easier when I hit the 2.5 yr mark--although I am starting to see some "happy" moments now once in a while...mostly due to my post death friends.
Hugs to you as well!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Locksley on March 30, 2015, 08:27:15 PM
Hello everyone  :)
 
I was never a member of YWBB.  I signed up,  but my account was never activated. I'm glad a new site was opened. I've looked around a little, and everyone here seems very friendly. I'm not sure if I'll post often, but it's nice having a site to go where people understand some of the things I've gone through.
 
My wife Kara and I were on our way home from visiting some of her relatives. It was late, we were both tired and a little grumpy, and we still had a couple of hours before we made it home. The thing I remember most about that night, maybe what haunts me most, is that we had just gotten into an argument.  Kara didn't want to travel so late at all: Fast and slightly dangerous storms hit the area we were in at that time of year, and she never liked driving in the rain. I wouldn't listen though.  I had reasons for wanting to get home, reasons that don't matter and never really did. She was right, and me being wrong cost her her life.
 
All I really remember is waking up and seeing lightning cut the sky, hearing thunder like bombs going off. Rain fell on the cracked windshield at a steady pace. There was so much noise and pain and fear in those first seconds.  It was overwhelming. I looked to the passenger seat, and I might have called my wife's name... Then I saw her: Her head tilted towards me, with her dark hair covering part of her face. There was just enough light from the lightning and broken headlight to see that her eyes were closed. She was gone. I knew she was gone...I just knew.
 
That was 4 years ago.  I've lived a hard life, and gone through some truly nightmarish things. But that was the worst night of my life. I have never had many friends, and I lost them all after my wife's death.  I didn't have close family that cared if I lived or died. We didn't have children. We would have; she was pregnant when she died.  I was alone, and it made everything more difficult. I didn't deal with her death very well.  I isolated myself from the world, stayed in my house alone every day for years. I couldn't live life without her. It's not an exaggeration to say that she was the only person who ever cared about me at that point. She was my world. I didn't want to live without her.
 
I hated myself. I still blame myself. When you spend years with someone you love, they're more than just part of your life, more than a partner and friend. They become part of you. Kara was part of me; the best part. When I slept I would dream of her: sometimes nightmares about the accident, sometimes bittersweet dreams of happier times. They were all reminders that she was gone, and I was just a empty shell without her.
 
The guilt, sadness, nightmares and pain were more than enough to cause suicidal feelings. The loneliness made everything worse. The only person who was always there to put her arms around me and tell me that everything would be okay was gone. Without her, there was only silence. It filled every waking second. The drone of the TV or music didn't drown out the screaming in my head for long.  Looking back, I now realize that only another human voice, a caring and friendly voice, could have calmed the storm in my mind. But I didn't believe I deserved to be around another person, even if there had been anyone.  I suffered alone in that screaming silence.
 
Kara was one of the kindest and most compassionate people I have ever known. Her life was about helping those in need. It didn't matter who or what their problems were, she was always there for friends and strangers who needed help.
 
I still have problems, like everyone does. But things are much better for me than they were. I look forward to the future again,  I have plans and dreams. I live my life in a way that I hope Kara would be proud of.  I know she wouldn't want me to suffer...
 
I found love again. I didn't think it was possible that I would, and definitely didn't believe that anyone would ever love me. I do love her, with all my heart.  We're in a long distance relationship. Sometimes I feel like I'm letting her down, because I can't be there with her right now.  I want to be, more than anything.  But I can't. 

After years, I'm still trying to build a new life.  Part of that is because I didn't try for so many years, and the rest of it...  I don't know...  Maybe I'm just not good enough.  I can't work as hard as I could when I was younger.  I'm overwhelmed by stress and bills.  I get lonely sometimes.  I fall into depression, and it takes days to crawl back out of again.

I've been depressed for the past few days, probably due to nightmares, lack of decent sleep and stress. I admit that I've wondered a couple of times lately if my girlfriend would be better off with my life insurance policy than she would be with me.  I'm not going to give in to my darker moments.  I promised my girlfriend I wouldn't give up.  I already feel like I let Kara down, I'm not going to disappoint another woman I love, not if I can help it. Things get so hard though, and I don't always feel strong enough to get through it.

Anyway...that's part of my story.  I'm glad this site is here.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Lisa on March 30, 2015, 10:42:38 PM
I'm glad you posted @Locksley Sending a virtual hug. I hope you'll post whenever you want.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: ColSavMama on March 31, 2015, 06:41:00 PM
Hello. I was just introduced to this website by a very kind gentleman who found me by chance. I had posted on a page on facebook about being a widow, and he messaged me with this link. How wonderful to have a place to go and speak to people who understand. I've yet to find that in the real world.

I am the mother of two children. We lost my husband on December 13th. It's still very fresh, very new, very painful for all of us. While I will never understand the reasoning, I know that I have to be strong and live life for my children. Regardless of how hard it is.

I just wanted to be sure to come and introduce myself. I am now going to go poke around on this site a bit. I did see some forums that look like they are where I belong. I want to thank the man that lead me here, Justin I believe is his name.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Justin on March 31, 2015, 06:56:01 PM
ColSavMama,

I am so glad to see you made over to us! I first found the people here just weeks after my wife died, and it was literally like finding a lifeboat after I been adrift at sea. (A previous version of this forum had been hosted at another site, which is now defunct, but we are rebuilding - we are widows, that's what we do!)

Here, you will find widows in all different stages: from those with very recent loss, to years out. Please feel free to post as often as you like, as we are all here for each other. I think you will also find everyone receptive to personal messages, as well.

Take care, and as we say: "be gentle with yourself".
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Mel4072 on April 02, 2015, 10:22:14 PM
Hi. I'm Melanie. My husband was diagnosed in July 2011 with bladder cancer. We had 3 kids at home. He assured them that he would be ok. Fought like hell with chemo and radiation. March 24, 2013 he died. My kids were here. Hardest thing I've ever had to do...
It's been 2 years. We were together for 24 years. Lots of good memories. Lots of good living. Lots of problems too but I learned how to work through those and it made me a better person.
"This" has made me a better person. I think twice about judging others. I'm quick to comfort. I worry less about trivial things. I don't hold on to material things like I used to. I live and enjoy. I've learned to love again. It is possible to be ok. 2 years ago, I wondered. And then I grew....
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: MissingMyJon on April 03, 2015, 07:26:30 AM
Hi, I'm MissingMyJon.  My wonderful husband died almost a year ago, on April 30th suddenly and unexpectedly during the night in our bedroom.  My beautiful, strong, healthy husband collapsed on the floor in the night from cardiac arrest.  He had no symptoms prior.  He was 28 when he passed.  We were married just shy of 3 years, and only had 7 years together.  I guess it was a good thing we jammed a lifetime of memories in those 7 years.  Who knew.  He was my second chance at bliss, as I had been a disastrous first marriage.  Jon and I have a now 3 year old, and I have 3 kids from my previous marriage.  After almost a year without Jon, I still wake up most mornings wondering how I got here, knowing in my mind this is my life, but still struggling with it in my heart.

I was on ywbb, but didn't post much.  I read mostly.  Not everyone has the words to describe the insanity of widowhood.  I am hoping to break out of my shell and spend more time writing as well as reading, growing with this community.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Lola2009 on April 04, 2015, 12:40:00 AM
Hi Everyone! I was a YWBB member and avid poster back in 2010/11. My husband died at the age of 30 in a motorcycle accident, I was 29 and we had an infant son. The forum saved me and helped me so much in the early years. I stopped posting as much as life changed a bit, and then I heard about the closure of ywbb and was sad about it but am SO GLAD when I heard this one is now open and thought I would just reestablish myself. I am also running a support group in my area and send all the newly widowed people here as I know how much this format has helped me. I see some familiar names too from early on in my journey! I think my username is the same but I am just guessing at this point!

It's been 5 years for me now and it feels like 500 years and 5 minutes ago at the same time. I feel like a "got this" and yet I am so lost at the same time still. I feel a little stuck. Perhaps because I feel a little lost is why I need to lean onto the community again.  :)
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: IronBear on April 04, 2015, 08:04:53 PM
I lost my wife of almost twenty five years in 2005 when a cancer that nearly killed her in 1997 came back as an inoperable tumor in her liver. She was just 47 years old and our kids were 20, 17, and 12. This has been a bad week. Laurie has been visiting my dreams again and I found a bunch of photos while cleaning that triggered the dark place again. I discover YWBB in 2006 but rarely posted until 2009.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Ursula on April 08, 2015, 10:49:01 AM
Hello, I have been on on the 'old' board where I met many of the wonderful people who are now on this new board. I am so grateful to the founders of this new lifeline, thank you Jess for helping me getting (finally) installed!
I lost Alex my husband on February 15 last year to a drowning accident. He went of to fish and never came back. I found him on a beach the next morning. We have a boy who only just turned two at the time of his untimely death.
I consider myself being in complicated grief because our relationship was very difficult. I am a widow now for over a year. I am struggling with the finality of things and the fact that this situation cannot be changed, that I cannot resolve, make peace, forgive unless I do it myself. I feel utterly destroyed and lost. I am a positive, loving and energetic person by nature but this has just taken me off my feet. I cannot and do not want to let go. I probably still refuse to be in this situation. I am very angry at life, fate or destiny or whatever you wish to call it for being in this misery and for having to not only see myself suffer but above all our small boy who is innocent. I deal with daily life (work, childcare) and 'function' ok but for my taste my nerves are worn too thin, I freak out over minor things and many times our little son is the one who suffers it (not ok). On the outside I am 'so strong' but on the inside I want to howl and kick many many times. I have found a wonderful therapist who listens and guides me but the reality is that I have to get myself out of this hell by myself.  At the moment I live on a Carribeean island, where the weather is mostly warm and sunny and people are laid back which I believe helps my mood. I will return to Europe this summer however and have no idea yet how I / we will cope. Good thing is, I will meet up with some of our fellow wids in Amsterdam, so something to look forward to. Hugs to all of you. I am glad to be able to communicate here. At the moment I am not very communicative but hopefully this will change again. Thank you guys who started this board and all of you who take time to listen and reply.

Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: serpico on April 12, 2015, 12:32:17 AM
In June of 2013 my wife of 14+ years returned from her fifth overseas mission trip at around 2am. We talked for awhile before bed, and I let her sleep in the next morning, though I did tell her goodbye before going to work. She went to work and we talked briefly on her way home while she was getting her beloved Diet Coke from McD's.  About an hour later when I hadn't heard from her I began to worry, so I left my son's ball practice and retraced her route home from work.

About halfway there I saw flashing lights and an accident scene and I asked a volunteer if that was a Lexus that was crumpled beneath a semi trailer.  He told me to keep moving - thinking I was a rubber-necker - but I explained that I hadn't heard from my wife and this was her route home. Soon after, a deputy came up and asked my name and my wife's name, and he told me she had been in a fatal accident. He then drove me home, where my mother-in-law and two of my three kids were waiting for me. They saw me stagger out of the car and they knew - I'm sure of it - but I had to tell them nonetheless.

It's been a long journey since then. I started dating after about five months and thought I'd found love again but those hopes were quickly dashed.  I then dove back into dating but found that doing so as a 42-year old with three kids wasnt easy. I've since throttled back and am trying to get used to life as a single Dad. Quite honestly, it sucks, but I still have so many things to be thankful for so I try to focus on the positives.

I found YWBB about nine months out, and while I wont describe it as a lifesaver, it was helpful. I've found that I have a different take on things than many on these boards, but I firmly believe that I need to keep giving my opinions rather than trying to conform to the norm on here. It hasn't made me many new friends, but I don't plan on changing any time soon.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: loquaciousloki on April 12, 2015, 10:45:40 PM
I'm LoquaciousLoki (after my talkative kitty). My husband killed himself about 5 months ago. He was 26. We had been together for over 6 years and married for 2. It's been really hard learning to live without him and realize he won't be in future. We didn't have any children because it wasn't the right time and now we never will. I've lost the most important person in my life and my future.

I've been fortunate that I've kept up with other interests and friends while I was married, because my friends have really come through for me. They don't really understand, most of them are still single, but they try to help.

I'm hoping I can learn something from this site and not feel so alone.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: rifatheroffour on April 14, 2015, 12:18:58 AM
So it seems silly to "introduce" myself at this point but I joined YWBB June 10, 2013 almost 5 months after my wife died...27 months ago today(13th) my dear wife, Fal, died in her sleep.  She suffered from Non-specific Interstitial Lung Disease since 2005.  She had been successfully treated on and off with prednisone until June of 2012 when she had to go on 24hr oxygen.  By November we spent a week in Brigham Women's Hospital having her evaluated for a double lung transplant.  Within the week as part of the transplant workup we discovered she had two lumps on her right breast, cancer.  So now she is off the transplant list and we are making plans to deal with a difficult surgery.  Since the breast cancer was early stage we decided to wait until after the holidays for further treatment "just in case" since surgery was going to be a challenge.  January 9th she lost feeling in her left side while her sister was visiting, she was rushed to the hospital fearing a stroke but her symptoms subsided within a few hours and we went back home the next evening.  Saturday she just felt tired all day and we talked about whether I should call her Dr., she said she was just tired.  That night she was to tired to climb the stairs to go to bed, first time she did not go to bed upstairs.  We had to drive to Boston the next day to stay at a friend's for early Monday Dr. appointments to schedule surgery etc.  I was tired and told her I needed a good nights sleep too.  I got her all set up on the couch, phone, water, tucked in etc. kissed her good night and went upstairs. I slept so well that night until 4am when I suddenly woke for no reason then fell back to sleep.  8am came and my two youngest children came to tell me that they couldn't wake mom up. She died in her sleep, hopefully peacefully.

My children, a few of DW's good friends(one in particular), this site and the new friends I have made here are what have kept me sane.  About a year ago I began to realize my heart has the capacity to love still/again. Not sure how that is going to go but I am open to the possibilities.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: BrocktonDave on April 21, 2015, 09:30:58 AM
Hey, it's me...  I don't get here often, because I can't get to the site from work...  Strange rules of the Internet. I was a daily visitor of YWBB, and I miss it.  I didn't save off any of the stuff I put there. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but the decision is irrevocable now.

I lost my wife Becky on the Fourth of July 2012.  We went to the movies, and she didn't come home. She had a pulmonary embolism that took her life in 5 minutes. I found YWBB within a few months and poured my heart out to strangers who knew how I felt. You were there for me. I had some pretty strange manic episodes, but you guys understood.  We were married for 10 years.

Through some folks on YWBB I got put in touch with a sweet young widow from California who was my salvation.  We hit it off quickly, she came here to visit family and we met, then I went to CA to visit her and within a few months she had packed up her life and moved to be with me on the other side of the country. I went from being childless to a father of two, then to a father of three.  YWBB truly gave me a new lease on life. Thanks guys. Thanks for the new home.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: marian1953 on April 21, 2015, 10:39:26 AM
Dave! So good to "see" you!
Marian
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Sandi1970 on April 21, 2015, 11:27:52 AM
Yah Dave! What a sweet little story! Wishing you much happiness!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: ieh21 on April 21, 2015, 08:09:05 PM
Hello. I am ieh21. I found YWBB a few months after my DH was diagnosed with cancer. I thought that finding resources and being prepared would help me, it usually does, but in that case, it actually backfired and I couldn't handle the talk here. When he died, an inevitability of having stage 4 lung cancer, I returned to YWBB and found it to be the most useful community I'd ever encountered, virtual or in person.

Joe was diagnosed right after we found out I was pregnant with our second child. Fortunately, he responded well to Iressa, a once-daily pill, so we had a great summer. In September, he started coughing again, and really, it went downhill from there, very rapidly. We managed one last trip to NY, which we spent mostly indoors in the hotel room. But he was sick, I was pregnant, so it was paradise.

After that it was really atrocious. I gave birth through a planned C-section that had nothing to do with the birthing plan and illusions of control I'd had with the first birth. This one was planned 24-hrs ahead after the oncologist told the obstetrician that Joe could stand by my side for a 30 min stretch.  Now, he said, or maybe never.

Joe got to meet his second daughter, which was in of itself a miracle. We'd been told that there was a chance he wouldn't make it.

A few weeks later, the day before her baby naming (a Jewish ritual), he was hospitalised for pain management, a met was lodged in his spine and although he was willing to try a last ditch effort of spinal surgery to attempt dislodging the met, he never recovered and died a week later.

It's been 4.5 years. I remember vividly calling all his friends, from close and from far, telling them to come see him NOW. And they were all there, some to see him alive for the last time, some to carry the casket into the grave.

Life took over. I had two small children (still have them!) I came back to work to a promotion. I learned to rely on friends, on my parents. I learned to deal with my anger. I learned to use the strength that I showed surviving this ordeal to make myself stronger in other aspects of my life.

Some days, I no longer even miss my old life. Don't think of it much. Other days, I feel the logistical difficulties of being alone very acutely. Sometimes I despair that my romantic potential will never be fulfilled. I was his partner and wife for ten years. It seems like a waste to be no one else's partner or wife for the rest of my life. Other times I am so happy with the loving family that we are, it seems that it's all I need.

It's a roller coaster, but I have learned over the years that after each moment of crisis, there's a moment of calm.

And I am now here, because this community still rocks.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Guaruj on April 23, 2015, 04:56:35 PM
Hello.  My name is Mark.  I was on YWBB during its last 2 or 3 months.  I'm very glad that we had some members who acted quickly to find us a new home.  Obviously, I did not act so quickly in signing up.  :)

My wife's name was Catherine.  She died from complications caused by 8 years of treatment for sarcoma, which is a rare cancer.  I am thinking of her a great deal today, as it is our 10th anniversary.  We were married on April 23, 2005.  I'll post more about this later.

I really appreciate being able to login within an hour of registering.  The only problem I ever had with YWBB was that it took one week to activate my account.  Others had to wait even longer.

It's time for me to get dinner.  This is the first anniversary for me to dine alone.

|+|  M a r k  |+|
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Lisa on April 23, 2015, 10:47:42 PM
Best wishes on your anniversary.  Welcome
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: biscuit on April 30, 2015, 11:56:42 PM
I was never a member of YWBB but i'll introduce myself here.
I met my husband when I was 17 and we were instant best friends 2 weeks later.  2 years later we couldn't deny our feelings any longer and began to date. And 3 years after that we were married.
We only got to be married 2 years, but life with my husband was so jam-packed with rich experiences that it feels like so much longer. Still, what I wouldn't give for just one more second...

My husband died suddenly due to complications with pneumonia January 31,2015.  And when I say suddenly, I mean one minute he's in the hospital checked in overnight so he can receive external oxygen and I am about to leave, and 20 minutes later he is dead.  All I have to say is no one should have to witness their spouse die, it is got to be the world's top traumatizing experience.

I am still pretty fresh in my grief as I write this (~3 months), but it feels like its been 10 years since I last had that life I once had with my husband.  My life is so different now I barely recognize myself.  This grief process is all so strange and uncontrollable.  Honestly, most days I have no desire to live (not suicidal) and then other times I find myself exploring new life adventures.  What the heck grief? Regardless, the pain is 24/7
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Jess on May 01, 2015, 10:56:41 AM
Welcome Biscuit. I am so sorry for your loss, but so glad you found us. I can relate to the suddenness. I kissed my husband goodnight and about ten minutes later he was having a seizure and dying in our living room. You are right, no one should have to witness that.

I hope you can find comfort in our community here. Read and share as often as you like. People understand here.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: kjs1989 on May 01, 2015, 12:29:15 PM
Hi, I am KJS1989. I don't post as often as I did on the old board, but I read everything, and I am  often awestruck by by the insightful and beautiful posts people write. There are so many great writers and thinkers on this board who express their thoughts in ways that strike such an accord with me that I read them over and over again.

Another widow in my area reached out to me shortly after D's death in October of 2012 and told me about this board. I am so glad she did. I had no idea where to turn, but relating to others going through this hell has helped immensely.

My husband D was 50 years old. He was one of those guys who seemed to have an "orbit" around him, and everyone wanted to be in that orbit with him. He was a successful small business owner and much loved boss to 100 employees who thought the world of him. He was a "best friend" to the many guys he worked with, golfed with, fished with, hunted with, and volunteered with. He was a wonderful son and brother. He was absolutely my best friend and the love of my life for almost 30 years. And most importantly, he was without a doubt the best and most loving father to our three teenagers.

In the early morning hours of October 20th, 2012, D left to go duck hunting on opening day with six buddies. I rolled over in bed to see him opening a package of new wool socks at 5:00a.m. I fell back to sleep and woke about eight or so. I did my usual morning routine, had coffee and went to pick up my 15 year old daughter from a sleepover at around 10:15. She asked me if Dad was home. I said, no, that he was duck hunting.

I drove the few blocks home, and then went to my room to take a shower. At 10:50 or so my daughter knocked at my bedroom door. She told me two men were at the door asking for me. Since it was close to election time, I assumed that were stumping for a political candidate, so I told her to tell them her mom was busy, She said, "They have badges."

I threw some clothes on, left my hair wet and went to the door. There were two somber men with badges standing there. One explained they were from the county ( never said the words "coroner's office") and asked to come in and talk to me. I asked for ID. My only bizarre thought was that D had been arrested. I still hesitated about letting them come in. I just couldn't get my brain around who they might be, or why they were there. They asked again to come in. I led them to the living room where my daughter was watchfully sitting in the corner of the sofa. I stood looking at them. The man doing all the speaking kneeled on the floor  before me and  began telling me about an accident in which the boat my husband was riding in on the Mississippi River hit a channel marker in the darkness and fog killing two of the six men. He never outwardly told me D had been killed or was dead. I said...."are you telling me... he is dead??" He said, "I am sorry."

In that moment my world crashed. I looked at my daughter on the sofa and she started to sob. The officer asked me if I needed to make some calls. I calmly said, "Yes."  I grabbed my cell and began making calls. And nobody, nobody would answer their cells. Frantically, I hit redial again and again until finally reaching his brother, then my sister, then my best friend. and most horrifically my sons away at college. Word traveled quickly and within 30 minutes the house was full of people.

So, here I am 2 1/2 years later, simply picking up the pieces of what was a pretty much charmed life prior to October 20th, 2012. At times, I am so still utterly confounded beyond belief how this could possibly have happened to my and my kids' lives. My husband died doing something "safe." For all intents and purposes what he was doing that morning should have been safe. He was with guys who were experienced duck hunters and boaters. They knew the river. They had been out there 100's of times before. I feel like complacency and assumptions killed D. It still makes me so very angry at times. He was sort of that kind  of guy in life, and at times it made me crazy. Always assuming things would just work out, at times patronizing and  brushing aside about my concerns about safety and caution whether it be his multitasking and distracted driving, working on the roof of the house, his adrenalin and testosterone fueled play activities (dirt biking, ATVing. snowmobiling ) or any of the other numerous work and recreational pursuits his type A personality led him to toward. But, that was him and I loved him beyond measure.

Whether we have lost our loves suddenly through illness, suicide, accident, or agonizingly slowIy, I am so grateful to all of you on this board for sharing your path. Thank you.



Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Guaruj on May 04, 2015, 07:37:56 PM
Wow, @biscuit, I'm really sorry to hear this happened to you and your husband:
All I have to say is no one should have to witness their spouse die, it is got to be the world's top traumatizing experience.
You are wise beyond your years.

Your husband was only 24 and he was already married to you for two years. You both deserved better.

I can't count the number of foolish things I did at age 24, and that was well over 24 years ago.

|+|  M a r k  |+|
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Virgo on May 04, 2015, 08:52:21 PM
My name is Jen, Virgo at YWBB. My husband was diagnosed with ALL (acute lymphoblastic leukemia) on October 11, 2013 and died February 4, 2014. He died just one week after his 38th birthday. Official COD was cancer/chemo/ischemic bowel. ALL is typically the type of leukemia children get. Oncologists don't stage leukemia, but we were told because of his health and age he had a 40-70% survival rate. Phil was never sick. Healthy, strong, fit guy. He was a K9 officer and happened to have 90 sick days built up when he was diagnosed. It's rare for officers to have even a week of sick days built up.

We met when we were 16. Our first date was June 22, 1992. High school sweethearts, but went to rival schools. We got engaged when we were 17, graduated high school, and married when we were 19 on October 22, 1994. We celebrated our 19th (and last) wedding anniversary at the cancer center during his first round of chemo, October 22, 2013.

Our daughters were 14, 12, and 6 when he died. I just don't have the words to describe how much my daughters and I miss him.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: kwalsh360 on May 20, 2015, 11:32:12 PM
Hello,

On the morning of 5/9/2015, my fiance suddenly passed way. He was 31 years old, and I am 33.
We are still waiting for the full autopsy/toxicology reports to come back to find out what happened since they were unable to find anything with the initial autopsy.

We were together for over 7 years and set to get married in just 5 months on 10/2/15. I am seeing a therapist and trying to talk about things. She suggested I find a support group and write down how I am feeling. While I sit here with thoughts running through my head, I'm finding it so hard to put it all together. I can barely hold a thought for longer than 2 mins and find myself in my own head obsessing over what happened and why. I'm hoping it will get easier for me to write how I am feeling and learn how to deal with this shock. Maybe I'll give this another try tomorrow after I get some rest.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: widowat33 on May 21, 2015, 12:15:11 AM
Hi kwalsh360. I'm so sorry you have reason to join us here, but glad that you found this place. I was also 33 years old when my husband passed away last year. I have a journal, but write him letters in it and not very often. This is a good place to write how you are feeling, even though our experiences are all different we understand.
Take care of yourself and rest when you can!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: swilson on May 21, 2015, 05:32:30 AM
I'm sorry for your pain kwalsh360, it's like nothing most of us have ever felt before. Keep reaching out, telling your story and remember to take care of yourself. This forum has been a beacon of light in my cloudy journey.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Charlie on June 01, 2015, 08:13:58 PM
Diagnosed Stage 4 Breast Cancer at age 42, died 4/2013, survived by 14yo daughter

We lived a contented life together for 19 years. The impermanence of the human body was clearly demonstrated by a wide spread cancer. The acceptance, abiding, of this fact was/is an ongoing and transcendent process bringing me to a place of humility, where I recognized the limits of my own humanity. Now, this process repeats in big and small cycles, endlessly. When I resist it, it is painful, when I accept it, the process is blissful - I don't always have control over this, but when I do, I feel in synch with her. I've read much of what you have so far written here, and I already feel well supported by this community.

TL;DR:

Contentment: Meeting in your late teens, being with someone for 23 and a half years, spending much of the time working and living at home with them, recreating as climbing/tandeming/flying/backpacking/parental partners... in short being soul mates, feeling like twins that can read each others minds... this creates a uniquely "shared" life experience. It is hard to separate your self from the other. Although, it made it so I didn't have to wonder what she thought or needed, leaving little room for regret or guilt.

Impermanence: After discovering a lump in her breast at age 42, my wife was diagnosed in December of 2009 with stage IV breast cancer, our daughter was nine at the time. Given only six months to live, the next three and a half years of treatments were similar to the previous two decades of our marriage: full of life, tears, love, grief, laughter, and many challenges. The end was her choice, she comforted family and friends until she could no longer maintain consciousness. Five days later, her lungs stopped and then her heart stopped. I hope I can pass as peacefully, surrounded by love, on my own terms. That was April 13, 2014.

Abiding: Ten days of profound pain and crying later, on Easter, I had a psychotic break. No one was hurt, but I did not know who I was, my mind's limit switch had triggered, I no longer was able to be aware of any responsibilities/consequences. It only lasted a few hours, and I was arrested. This was a major wakeup call for me, showing me that while I was able to function in life, the effect of the event of her passing was way beyond my control and awareness. I needed help. Being overly thorough, I worked with two psychologists, and three counselors (all five at the same time). I compared notes across my sessions with all of them, also sharing what the others had said as well. The processes was very intense, and I followed their advice the best I could, but, sometimes I could do nothing but cry or stare at the wall/ceiling.

Transcendance: Since that time, I've had many stages that I have passed through, never knowing which one was next. But, each stage felt necessary to me, and I learned something. Sometimes the lesson was a beautiful one, sometimes freeing, other times difficult realizations of more that I needed to let go of, and some lessons that I haven't understood quite yet. I am profoundly amazed at the unbelievable depth and character of the emotional pain, I never knew humans could hurt so badly, and it makes me feel like I should hug everyone I see.

Humility: If my attitude seems cavalier, I can assure you that I too have been hit by the endless waves of pain that seem unbearable and unpredictable. I too have felt the moments of shear horror and my mind in those moments seems completely unable to accept the reality of my life. But, I also have felt profound appreciation, true appreciation for a life that I would not change any decision, even if I could go back and do so. And, profound appreciation for the ability to remain in this beautiful world, a world that my wife did not get to see and appreciate.

Community: I have met the kindred spirits in a piecemeal fashion, some online, most in the real world. The five therapists I used gave me a pretty good framework for understanding what cannot be understood, the need to not understand it, to trust it and follow it (whatever it is). This is true for grieving a loved one's death, and it turns out this is also true for living ones own life, a life that pre-grieves our own death. I have read much of this site, and many, if not all of you seem to be in this same active process of trying to deal with the amplified existence that we have been dealt. I cannot do this alone, I recognize that I need you and I need this community as the next step in my personal grieving process. I have already benefitted from the generosity you demonstrate by opening up and sharing your experience. You have given me more than a little encouragement to move along my path. I hope I can show you my appreciation.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wheelerswife on June 01, 2015, 10:46:30 PM
Charlie, welcome to the board.  I hope you continue to find that you can post here and become a part of this family.  I find that widow connections are a big part of my support system.  I can't do it alone either.  It was friends from this board (and a previous board) that were with me the day that my second husband died.  It was so comforting to be amongst friends who understood.  If it is your inclination, find a gathering near where you live  (or travel to one!) and make some friends in person, too.

Maureen
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Forgottenwife on June 13, 2015, 08:15:01 PM
Well here I am again, on the widow board. I was on YWBB as Lostwife2011, I chose the name in a fog and had tried to get it changed.

My funny, attractive and successful husband died of suicide fueled by drug addiction in May 2011. We had been married for 22 years.I stayed in bed for weeks and existed in kind of a shock and fog. I wanted to die. It took a long time to find myself. Now I am like the walking wounded. Functioning well but it feels like I have a really big scar. I am grateful for my amazing friends, my parents and family and the mental health experts I sought support from. And why am I back here now? Seems that even though I feel joy and hope again, there is a kinship with people that have walked in my shoes.

Hi everyone. I am so sorry for the losses that brought us all here and so grateful that we have this place. 

Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Lisa on June 15, 2015, 10:40:19 AM
Glad to see you with us
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: JmLeo8109 on June 24, 2015, 12:09:24 PM
Hi, I'm Jamie. I found YWBB shortly after my husband died on May 25th, 2009. He was 27 and I was 26. I didn't post much (maybe just two or three times) but I read every day for the first year and sporadically in the years after. It was such a blessing to read others' thoughts and feelings that I felt myself but couldn't put words to. I can't begin to explain how much of an impact that had on me during those first few years.

I met my husband my freshman year of high school, I was 14 and he was 16. We were just kids who felt an instant pull to each other. My heart would skip a beat any time I heard his name or saw him walking in the hall. Long story short, we were off and on due to his family moving, being stubborn kids/teenagers, and then his eventual drug problems. During the last few years of his life he was almost like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde to me....sober and not. We were together 12 years, married just under 1 and have two children. My husband had been out of town working and was attempting to get his life back on track. He had just gotten back to our home town when he drove to a restaurant. A group of teens were pulling out the same time he was pulling in. According to the prosecutors their cars were very close to each other, words were exchanged. My husband pulled in to the restaurant not thinking the teens would back up their car, get out and start fighting with him. Within minutes, one of the teenagers shot him and he died instantly. Our children were 5 and 7 weeks old at the time.

I have just recently passed the 6 year anniversary. While I am in a much better place emotionally, this time of year still comes with waves of sadness and complicated emotions.  I am grateful to the people who started this board. I've found it very helpful these last few weeks.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Hallei on July 02, 2015, 09:53:44 PM
I'm Hallei. I was a member of the previous board so many of you belonged to. I didn't post much, but read often, especially in my early days.

My husband passed unexpectedly 7 years ago from adrenal cancer that was hiding inside him. 27 hours from fun to done.

Today I sold what should have been our retirement farm. We had big plans and dreams and he passed 6 months before we were to move in.

Thanks for giving me another place to feel safe. Another place to not feel alone. Today I need it as I feel like I just erased another part of our life together.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Laurel on July 03, 2015, 10:18:29 PM
My name is Laurel. My DH, Nick, died in June of 2005 from SUDEP - Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy. I was a member of YWBB, but it had been quite a while since I posted anything. I only found out the board shut down because I was double checking the link so I could pass it on to a new widow. I'm glad I found this new board to pass on to her instead. :) I'm now remarried to a widower (Kurt) I met at a YWBB Bago and we have two beautiful kids who are now 6 & 4.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Bear1956 on July 11, 2015, 08:04:35 PM
My name is Barney (aka Bear). I lost my wife of almost twenty five years in September 2005 when the cancer that nearly killed her in 1997 came back as an inoperable tumor in her liver. She was just 47 years old and our kids were 20, 17, and 12. I discover YWBB in September 2006 but rarely posted until 2009.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Alexsander on July 15, 2015, 10:04:16 AM
It's my first message in the new forum. The 2 years mark is coming (July 23rd) and I wanted to log back in YWBB to talk... then I've found it was gone. I hope this one can help the newly widowed as well as YWBB helped me.

I'm engaged now; my fianc?e is a second mother to my baby daughter. She is 2 and still does not ask for her biological mother. She will eventually wonder how does she got 3 grandmothers... I still have boxes of DW's stuff I want her to have. Also, I finally managed to give DW's ashes to her mother, it was a catharsis moment.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Quixote on July 20, 2015, 04:56:06 PM
Hi, I'd prefer to remain somewhat anonymous for now.  I used to read the old YWBB after my wife passed away in 2011 from cancer.  20 odd years of marriage, tried our damndest to be around each other as much as possible.  I dunno, our bond might have had something to do with her having cancer four times starting from age 19, last one at age 45.  That one got her.  A few other illnesses like rheumatoid arthritis, av node block requiring a pacemaker, seizures.  Hell, she never was healthy but still treked around the world with me and had a successful career as a musician.  She was driven, maybe by the knowledge that she wouldn't have a full lifespan.

She was my hero, creative inspiration, my co-conspirator, but above all, she was my best friend.  Never figured out what she saw in me, but I was okay with that. 

It's been four years now, and I still miss her every bloody second.  I've learned to live, in the sense that I've learned not to be self destructive (let's just say things were touch and go for a couple of years).  I've a host of terrific friends who I can lean on and confide in.  I've tried to stay active with work and hobbies-- I spend a lot of time outside with my horses.  All in all, friends tell me I'm doing great.  I even get the word "strong" thrown at me by those who knew us both.

It's not really true.  Like I said, I've moved past self-destruction, but life just doesn't have the same worth it used to.   Still get those nightmares, although not every night, thank God. Woke up screaming her name last night (scaring the heck out of my landlady who upstairs from me).  Definitely have the "is this what my life is going to be?" feeling these days.

Don't think there's any answers, other than keep plugging along.  But maybe having a place to talk might help.  So, hi all :)

Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Ursula on July 22, 2015, 05:18:06 PM
Hi Quixote, Hallei, Jamie -  I believe and hope that on this board there will always someone who will reply ,have an idea towards and answer or just let you know that they are here reading. You are not alone. We know what you feel, maybe not the same, but the missing the person we love and the daily pain, the agonies that attack from out of nowwhere, it is all here too.
We hear you. I wen to my first bago this weekend and it was an amazing community. We had a great time. It felt really just ok.
Keep coming here, it is a safe place - take care
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: conflicted on July 24, 2015, 01:55:11 PM
I have posted but have not yet introduced myself.  I'm conflicted because I feel conflicted between my grief while still being in love with my DH and my new feelings of love for New Guy; conflicted with moving on and feeling guilty for still laughing, breathing and living without DH.

My DH died a month before his 35th birthday. He was a severely sick for a week, throwing up constantly. I had just taken him on a vacation so he didn't have any days off left from work (he was a mechanic, so manual labor). One day he fell and hit his head on the wooden dining room table, then again on the wooden floor.  He didn't tell me until the day after it happened. I told him to go to the hospital or doctor, but he insisted that he was fine. (I will never forgive myself for not persisting about going to the hospital)  2 days later, I came home from work and found him face down, slumped over on the bedroom floor. I thought he had passed out so I called his name and tried to shake him awake. Then I rolled him over onto his back and that's when I saw the most horrifying sight of my entire life that still haunts me a hundred times each day.  I can still hear myself screaming (my neighbor in the next building over heard my screams). 911 made me do chest compressions on him even though it was OBVIOUS he was already gone  :'(  When the cops came, they wouldn't let me back in the bedroom to see him, so that was the last time I saw him besides in his casket with a ton of makeup on..... I had to keep my composure to talk to the medical examiner as I watched the coroner's van drive away with DH in it.  :'(  Autopsy came back inconclusive but it had to have been from a head injury, as his toxicology report came back clean and he was otherwise healthy, active and lean.  It sucks not knowing for sure what actually killed him, but I hope he passed out before he actually went. I regret not being there for him.  We used to meet up at home for lunch every day because we both worked so close. The one fucking day I had a work lunch meeting is the day he died during lunch. I got my last text message from him around 12:30.  His phone showed the last message he sent (to his best friend) around 1:00pm.  I didn't get home until 5:00pm that day.

I had to make that dreadful phone call to his mother.  Then to his work. Then his friends.  I was back at work after only a week and a half.  I don't know how, but I found the strength to somehow focus on my work.  I needed that distraction so I put in a lot of long hours.  I've found that I'm emotionally stronger than I had ever imagined.  I keep my composure every day and held it together for his family - especially for his mother who is already frail and in her 70's. He was her baby.

I miss my DH every minute of every day.  Sometimes it feels like he is still here because he is so alive in my memories.  I will forever love him and even 10 1/2 months out, I am still in denial.  Suppression and avoidance is my coping mechanism.

I am thankful for this forum because I've tried therapy and find that face-to-face sessions make things worse. Even if no one reads my posts, it is helpful to get this all out through writing.  Thank God for family, friends, and pets.  And thank God for Klonopin and wine.


Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Catherine on August 12, 2015, 02:17:58 PM
Hi all,

Just found this site after reading the One Fit Widow blog.  I haven't really found anywhere before where young widows can talk and it works for me, so giving this a go

I lost my husband Phil suddenly in October 2013.  He committed suicide but there was no prior warning of him being depressed or anything, he died just shy of a month since our 3rd wedding anniversary, we had been together since 2004.

As I am getting to year 2, I feel like I have closed the chapter on dealing with the fact Phil has gone.....but I feel I am the old me stuck in this new life, and I'm stuck.  I don't know what I want or where I want to be.

You mostly seem to be in the UK but also hoping there are some UK people on here, would love to talk to you  :)
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: TooSoon on August 12, 2015, 02:44:45 PM
Welcome, Catherine.   I am truly sorry for your loss and as others will say, this is a safe and comforting place to find support and empathy and the friendship of others in the same boat.  And there are lots of UK widows and widowers here (and others from around the world) who I am sure will see your post and touch base.  In fact, I will alert one of them to your post right now.  Warmest wishes. 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: DavidsKtBeth on August 12, 2015, 03:26:45 PM
Hello,

I'm going to do this a little different.  It's just easier this way for me...

My Name: Katie
Soulmates Name: David
Together: 6.5 years
Met: In college when we were 19
Married: 26 days
Died: Unexpectedly on June 24th from a pulmonary embolism

The last 10 months of my life have been a roller coaster.   

November: I found out my husband (boyfriend at the time) was getting promoted and we were moving 5 hours away to Indianapolis.  Days later my grandparents died just over 24 hours apart (after about 75 years of marriage). 

December: My younger sister gets engaged & I get mad/jealous because Dave and I had been together longer, and we are older

January: We move to our  new home in Indy.  Dave proposed right when we walked into the house (which he had planned since the moment he found out about the promotion).

May 29th: We decide to run off to the courthouse and get married -- We didn't need witnesses.. it was Me and Dave. It was perfect

June 21st: We decided we wanted to start trying to have kids

June 23rd: Dave left for Muncie, Indiana on business (3 hours from home)

June 24th: Dave called to let me know he was going to check himself into the hospital (He had been having shortness of breath since the day before, which I chalked up to allergies or seasonal asthma) - He called me again to tell me what hospital he was in and let me know they just did an EKG and it came back normal. - The nurse called me to tell me he was having a CT scan for blood clots in his lungs -  On my drive to the hospital they asked me to pull my car over so the doctor could tell me Dave had passed away after being in the hospital for 3 hours.

June 29th: Our 1 month anniversary was also David's funeral

July 1st:  I moved back home with my parents after 8 years of being on my own (well, at school/with David).  We live in a 3 bedroom ranch with 4 adults, 4 dogs, and 3 cats.  It's about as fun as it sounds lol


I hate my life.. ugh..


Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Justin on August 12, 2015, 04:01:17 PM
Welcome Catherine and Katie. As we often say, we are glad that you found us but are so sorry that you have to be here.

Thank you both for posting and already contributing to our community. There are a lot of good people here, and I've received so much help from them myself.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: hikermom on August 13, 2015, 06:35:41 AM
Welcome Catherine and Katie,

I'm so sorry you had a reason to find your way here but hope that you can find the community of support that you need.

Catherine - I am not an SOS (survivor of suicide) but there is a section devoted to suicide and other circumstances that compound the loss of a spouse. There are some truly tremendous people that monitor that section and have the wisdom of many years. As TooSoon says, there are also many folks from the UK on here.

Katie - my husband also died very suddenly of a cardiac event during a gap to gap bicycle ride. Very healthy, fit man just finishing up 75 miles of some very hard biking. Those first few months are a blur - a numbness enveloped me that helped me through those days. It is truly a protective mechanism. Those first months are all about breathing (shallow breathing is very common - at times it felt like hours would pass and I hadn't taken a breath), drinking plenty of water, trying to eat some healthy food to keep up strength. Slowly the haze will start to lift and you will be begin to feel it as reality settles in but that is a slow process. Keep coming here because it truly does get easier with time. For me it got harder before it got easier but that is part of the journey.

I'm three years out and yes, there are still really hard days but they are pretty few. You do find your way back to yourself and back to the world - if you are gentle with yourself.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Jen on August 13, 2015, 08:13:07 AM
(((((Hugs))))))

I'm so sorry you had to look, but glad you found us.

Katie, my dh died very suddenly from PE as well-- like lightning out of a clear blue sky. Now I see those stupid commericals with Arnold Palmer and Kevin Nealon for drugs that supposedly treat and prevent things like that, and it's all I can do not to fling something at the TV. :(
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: DavidsKtBeth on August 13, 2015, 09:06:29 AM
Jen,  the nurse actually told me they were giving him that to break up the clot.. I guess it didn't work.  I think they were just too late..
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Jen on August 13, 2015, 09:12:45 AM
I am so sorry. :(  Mine was gone before he got to the ER... they never had time to give him any clotbusters. He had turned 40 just 3 days before. He had some chronic health issues, but his doctor never suggested DVT prophylaxis... he didn't even take a daily aspirin. It just never occurred to me to ask about it.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: b5beck1 on August 14, 2015, 04:32:38 PM
Hi, my name is Benjamin.  My wife passed away just over six months ago.  We got engaged in May of 2013; at that point she had already battled cancer once (leukemia) as a 20 year old, going through 23 months of chemo and radiation.  She was 5 years cancer free in the March just before our engagement.  In November of 2013, they discovered a tumor on her sternum which turned out to be a recurrence of the ALL but presenting as a bone mass, which is odd.  So we began cancer treatments immediately, the day after Thanksgiving.  We moved our wedding up from June to February, because there was a break in treatment.  In May of 2014 she had a bone marrow transplant.  I've always said that that was the moment that really broke me- I could deal with the cancer treatment up until there, but the transplant was awful.  Anyway, we moved to the treatment center for that summer, and back to our house in the fall just before school started (I was a teacher at the time, and she taught harp at the local university).  Sometime in January of this year, she developed a common lung infection, but unfortunately with her weakened immune system they were not able to contain it with their most powerful drugs.  She was able to see all of her family and many friends before she passed on Groundhog's Day.

So here I am, and I don't even know how to explain where my life is.  My life for two years was defined by being a caregiver, and suddenly that role was gone.  When I returned to work after her death, I had to make a moral decision about leaving the job I had been at for three years, because decisions were being made that I could not ethically agree with.  Around the same time I signed up for a Master's program (which I just completed my second class this summer) and I'm moving about 2 hours away from where I've lived the past 6 years.  I'm going to be a full-time pianist, playing for universities and theaters and wherever else gigs come.  Some days are very clear, but many days I have no idea what way is up and what way is down.  I don't know many places or people to go to that can relate to a 27-year old widower, so that's how I ended up here. 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: canadiangirl on August 14, 2015, 05:33:21 PM
Welcome Benjamin, Katie, Jamie, Laurel, Catherine, Hallei, Quixote and others who have recently joined. I hope this board serves as a comfort to you.  Being a young widow(er) can be so isolating.  On my crazier days I can usually find someone who gets it here or something that resonates.  Then I don't feel quite as crazy. 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: literatelier on August 31, 2015, 05:50:20 PM
Hi everyone

My name is Peggy and I lost my fiance Chris on August 8th. I just turned 31 last week, and he would have been 30 this week. He fell 40ft from a waterfall while hiking and I'm told he died almost instantly. He was brilliant and so funny. He sometimes would hold me in bed and sing You Are My Sunshine to me. He ate bread/rice/spaghetti and ketchup almost exclusively and yet was 6'5". When we lay in spoons, he was the perfect fit. We were always touching; when home we were always in the same room together, touching in some way whether it was just feet or elbows. He was playful and happy, and his favorite thing to do was make fun of me. We fought a lot, too, mostly about stupid things like chores. But I love him so much. I feel like there's a literal part of me missing, like a phantom limb. My bed is too big. He'll never break my pillows or steal the covers or kiss me again. Maybe I died and this is hell.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Guaruj on August 31, 2015, 06:00:28 PM
Hi Peggy -

Welcome to these boards. I'm so sorry this happened to Chris.

He was playful and happy, and his favorite thing to do was make fun of me. We fought a lot, too, mostly about stupid things like chores. But I love him so much.

Anyone who reads your post can tell that you love him - it's very touching.

I hope you find it helpful to stick around here.

|+|  M a r k  |+|
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Justin on August 31, 2015, 08:41:00 PM
Peggy, I am so sorry you are here but am glad you found us. I feel that in many ways this community has saved me.

I feel like there's a literal part of me missing, like a phantom limb.

This is quite an accurate analogy - part of you is missing. It's going to take a while to heal, and it will hurt, but you are going to learn how to live without that limb. You will learn how to function and enjoy life once again and appreciate the beauty in the world.

But not right now. Just as a person who has lost a limb, you have to treat yourself gingerly and take care of yourself. There is much healing that has to take place. I'm still healing, but am starting to learn how to get about without my limb. Although the pain is still present, it's starting to lessen as time moves forward. Hang on - this hell won't be able to keep it up forever.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Fran721 on September 01, 2015, 09:26:31 AM
After nine days of constantly reading this site, I am finally posting. My sweet boyfriend Houston died nine days ago of an unknown liver virus. He had been sick for 6 weeks and the doctors kept telling us he would get better but he only got worse. He finally got to the point where he needed a liver transplant but his bone marrow became infected and no longer made any blood cells. A week before he passed, we were told they couldn't do the transplant because he no longer had any white blood cells or platelets. On August 23, his blood pressure dropped and they could not bring it up again. Although he suffered a lot the last week, his last day was extremely peaceful and he was surrounded by his loved ones. I held his hand the whole time. My sweet, amazing best friend.

There are no words for what I am going through right now. Today has been good so far - aka no crying/screaming/got out of bed. Last week was easier I think because I had just seen him suffer so much that him passing was sort of a relief. This week is unbelievably hard but I think that it's only going to get worse.

I cannot believe he's gone. We did everything together. We had come through so much together and we were so happy. We had an amazing family with our cat and dog. We had the cutest little apartment. We had worked so hard to get where we were. We had our whole lives to get married and have children. He had recently turned 32 and I turned 25 in July. He was my everything. I'm so scared but I know he's with me. He was so handsome, intelligent, compassionate, and really just the best person I've ever met.

Thank you for letting me vent. I really look forward to talking to y'all on here.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Jess on September 01, 2015, 09:44:38 PM
Hello Peggy and Fran and welcome to the board. I am so sorry you you had to look for us, but so glad you found us. I hope that you can find comfort from talking to people that understand what this pain feels like. It is a safe place to vent any thoughts you can't share elsewhere. Not only will no one judge, but also people will be able to relate to how you are feeling. For now, take care of yourselves and basic needs. I am wishing you peace and comfort.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: lcoxwell on September 01, 2015, 09:47:27 PM
Welcome, Fran! I am so sorry that you have had to join us, but so glad that you found us. I cannot tell you how much coming here, reading, and posting has helped in the healing process. I hope that you can find the sense of comfort that I have found here.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wheelerswife on September 01, 2015, 10:15:05 PM
Peggy and Fran, I am so sorry to have to welcome you to our club.  It is always hard to have to welcome people who are so young and who should be in the prime years of their lives with their partners...life partners.

All I can say for any of the new folks is to join in, connect to your cohort of people either in your timeline, age group or whomever you feel you relate...because these folks are the most amazing people you wish you never had to meet.  We are here for you.  Participate to the level in which you are comfortable. Send a PM to someone if you can relate.  Make friends here.  This board and its predecessor have been my lifelines.

Hugs,

Maureen
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Trying on September 02, 2015, 06:10:24 AM
Peggy and Fran, I am glad you found us and sorry that you needed to.  These early days are about surviving, sometimes minute by minute.  Be gentle with yourself and let others take care of you when possible.  You have a hard road ahead but when there is a break of sunshine grasp onto it.  Stay hydrated and keep breathing, you have found a place where you can share anything.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Ursula on September 02, 2015, 06:26:36 AM
Dear Benjamin, Peggy , Fran....this is a good place to find good people. We all share this pain and somehow knowing one is not alone helps.  I am so sorry you have to come here and tell your heartbreaking stories. It sucks and keeps sucking. It gets more bearable, the hurt stays, but one gradually can function again. I lost A 1.5 years ago. There are many wise people here, come and let it out here . Nobody has a solution but many will listen and you can find wise advise here. Take care, and remember, it is one moment at the time, step by step. That's what has kept me going. Take care you all. Hugs.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: running with scissors on September 03, 2015, 11:06:53 AM
Hi, Not sure if this is the right place to introduce myself.  I am new here but not a new widow.  My husband died  five years ago.  I still have some bad days along with the good ones.  I wanted to say hello and I am thankful to have found this place.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Jess on September 03, 2015, 11:57:41 AM
Hi, Not sure if this is the right place to introduce myself.  I am new here but not a new widow.  My husband died  five years ago.  I still have some bad days along with the good ones.  I wanted to say hello and I am thankful to have found this place.

You are in the right place. Welcome to our little corner of the internet. I am sorry you had reason to look for us but I am so glad you found us. It is good to hear that although the sad days don't go away, there are some good ones.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: sojourner on September 05, 2015, 01:16:52 PM
Hi to everyone- I'm finally getting to an introduction after having been a regular reader here and on the old ywbb in its last months. I've so appreciated everyone's openness with their experiences after being widdowed- it's helped so much to know I'm not alone in my own feelings, thoughts, and experiences.

I was widowed in May of '14, when my LH died from lymphoma. He'd been diagnosed in '12 with a form that, while incurable, was supposed to have a long survival.  You can see how well that worked out. I didn't even know lymphoma, which I'd barely even heard of, was a cancer until his diagnoses. Boy, did I get schooled.

Today is the anniversary of our wedding. I bought flowers, as is the way I regularly commemorate our milestones. I'd been feeling like I've been getting more clarity of mind lately. That, however, is headed right back out the window- one of my siblings was just dx'ed with a rare, advanced, and generally incurable cancer, and I'm basically going through flashbacks of LH's decline and death. Oh, and upon getting the news, one of my elderly parents had a mild heart attack, so there's that, too.  Let's just say it's not a good day. Pretty much I'm going back to the early techniques of breathing, drinking water, etc.

I'm so sorry any of us have to be here, but since it is what is is, I'm grateful to at least be in the good company of this community.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: lcoxwell on September 05, 2015, 01:40:55 PM
I am so sorry to hear about the cancer diagnosis of your sibling. I cannot imagine what you are going through. I will keep you in my prayers. (((Hugs)))
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: kjs1989 on September 05, 2015, 02:29:37 PM
I am so sorry to all those having to find their way here. And some deal with double and even triple whammies of loss which is beyond brutal.. I felt like I pretty much led a very charmed life until October 20th, 2012. No more. I still have many middle aged friends who have not experienced any sort of major loss in their lives beyond an elderly aunt or grandparent. As I have found out, even the best meaning people cannot  truly empathize unless they have walked this path.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Bear Shannon on September 13, 2015, 05:10:11 PM
I'm back.  :)
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: lilchicken on September 21, 2015, 02:32:24 PM
Hi All

Some from YWBB may remember me as lilchicken. For those who don't know me I lost my husband, who was 32, in 2009 to metastatic chondrosarcoma. The widow community supported me then in what seemed like impossible times. I am so grateful for the friends I made, both locally and on the board and for this community which has been a safe place to talk and read and think through grief. I remarried in 2013 and we are expecting our second child in a few weeks. I think this, coupled with the anniversary of my husband's death coming up this week brought me back to this board to think about some of the things on my mind this week.

Wishing everyone on the board the peace, healing and support that they need

Lilchicken
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: THATgurl on September 21, 2015, 03:07:08 PM
lilchicken!!!! :D  No words, huge hugs.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: CherrY on September 23, 2015, 04:14:40 PM
Hi everyone,
I'm new on this forum and looking for I don't know what...... So here is my story.

Two years ago I finally got what I wanted ! After great months as FWB and falling in love with him, Jason was mine =) During our time together we had so much fun ! After a year and a half we even moved in together. Best time of my life ! Our apartment was filled with love, laughs, sex and tenderness.
But one day, out of nowhere he told me he didn't want to be GF and BF anymore. I was so surprised ! We were having a wonderful time together. But he had made his decision...so I packed my stuff and left (in tears). When I talk (in the present day) about this breakup with his friends and family we all agree he did not even know what happened in his head. A medium on day confirmed our thoughts...Jason had no idea he was going to leave us but something (his soul, spirit, gardien angel ?) urged him to protect me by pushing me away.
Anyhow... two weeks later on the evening of Mother's Day Jason was coming back home from seeing his family and he fell down a cliff with his motorbike. 22 years old is really really really to damned young to die or be a widow !!!!!! Thankfully he did not suffer and broke his neck right in the first meters of the fall.  (I'm still very emotional writing this part).
It's been 5 months now. 5 hell-like months. I miss him so much...and still talk to him when I need to (I tell him about my day, ask for advice or help, tell him I love him etc.) And believe it or not but I even saw him in a reiki session !!! He told me he loved me, that he would always be there, that as we suspected we have known each other for longer than this life and he helped me discover what is my purpose in this world.
His mom, sisters, stepdad, friends and I have grown very close. Even if he broke up with me everyone treats me like his "current" GF and I am so grateful.
This summer has been hard, but today I live with 3 awesome roommates and I still travel 60km every weekend to see (mainly) Jason's mom and sisters but also all the dear friends he left me with. Everyone is so loving and we all help each other how ever we can...it's beautiful.
The end of the summer has been really confusing too because with no warning whatsoever I have been falling in love with Jason's best friend. Don't think I'm forgetting him or even trying to replace him. Both of these would be impossible ! But we got really close and it just happened. We still need time to figure all of this out so I'm not forcing things, if it has to happen it will...

Thank's for reading and maybe giving me support and advice.
Lot's of love

Cherry
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: HB on September 25, 2015, 08:17:15 AM
Hey everyone (again)! My old laptop died, along with the passwords so I could no longer log in. I am HvnBound, widowed on 5/4/12, DH died of heart failure and stroke.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: kat717 on September 26, 2015, 07:33:56 PM
Hello All,

My name is Kat, I lost my husband 14 months ago. I am not apart of any other groups, I am not sure if it will help. I just know that it is difficult to know what I feel, and express that feeling to others. Sometimes I feel like I have to suck it up for our kids, his brothers, his family. I know I lost my husband, and they lost their dad, brother, son... I am just having a hard time finding my place in all this. Avoidance has been a close friend through all this. I am just exhausted... and don't want to admit or give in to it, ugh! My life is a movie...
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wheelerswife on September 26, 2015, 11:15:45 PM
Hi, Kat.

Welcome to the club that nobody wants to belong to.  Here...it is all about you.  You don't have to suck it up for anyone here.  We get it.  I found the precursor to this site just over 6 years ago...about a month after my first husband died.  I don't know how I would have done it without these people, some of whom are now friends.  I invite you to check the place out, read along, jump in where it feels right and even PM someone if their story is something to which you relate.  You need a place where you can be real...and here it is.

Hugs,

Maureen
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Justin on September 27, 2015, 08:20:17 AM
Welcome Kat, I'm glad that you found us. This is my only group, as well - I don't know what I would do without the dear friends that I have made here.

I am just having a hard time finding my place in all this.

The loss of my own identity is probably the hardest thing for me to convey to others that have not lost a spouse. Your whole life and self has been literally blown to hell, and you are left trying to find out who you are now. My daughter and I have been doing our best to embrace change as both it comes and we make it, and it helps us. We both realize that the life we had is gone, but our new one can still be really good,  too.

Take care, and don't be afraid to post as much as you would like.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: First Widow on September 30, 2015, 01:48:26 PM
Hello everyone,

I lost my husband of twenty years to suicide a little over four months ago.  I found this site early on and reading here has been a great inspiration to me, but I wasn't ready join in the conversation here back then.  Maybe I wasn't ready to claim the title of widow just yet or maybe I was more concerned with taking care of my grieving children. Now that they are back at school I've had more time to turn my attention toward myself and my future.

I have a daughter who is a sophomore in college and son who's a high school senior looking at colleges.  For the past twenty year's I've run my husband's business (which doesn't exist without him) so now I have a lot to figure out.

I'm so sorry any of us belong here, but I am grateful to have found this site and look forward to getting to know you all better.

Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: lcoxwell on September 30, 2015, 05:18:29 PM
First Widow....I am so sorry that you had a reason to join us, but I am glad that you found us. Coming to this site to read and to post has been instrumental in my ability to work through much of the grieving process. You won't find a better group of people than these, anywhere.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: mizjsea on October 17, 2015, 04:11:46 PM
Hello, first post here, but I have been reading. I lost my husband 14 months ago to stage 4 kidney cancer. I can still hardly believe it when I write, say, or think these words. He was the most (seemingly) healthy 55 year old person I knew who had not one single risk factor. He was asymptomatic until Jan 2014 and was gone 7 months later. The news just went from bad to worse, as he was misdiagnosed initially with common kidney cancer which has some (but not much) hope of treatment response. Midway through the ordeal we learned it was a very rare (1%) form, highly aggressive subtype. Despite that news he stayed positive and fearless, which is the way had lived his life 100%. As someone else said on this site, we worked so hard to stay positive for each other and our 2 teens that I don't think we had time to say goodbye or even acknowledge what was coming. He suddenly had a quick downturn, became disoriented, and went fast thankfully without any more horror. It feels like we were going about our life and suddenly some giant hand came out of the sky and plucked him right off the planet. Truly astonishing. It has been so incredibly painful but I am proud I am where I am today. My entire mission has been to make him proud. After month of treading water, life has eased somewhat for me and I want to say thanks for this board and for being able to connect with those who "get it" when you know no one else in similar shoes. And to talk with others who had been so unfairly treated in life.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: kjs1989 on October 17, 2015, 07:44:07 PM
Mizjsea,

I am so sorry. I also lost my husband suddenly, too, but to an accident, not an illness. Three years ago this month. I can so relate to what you said about your husband just being plucked from the planet. Wow, so true. I had three teenagers at the time.

I still find myself taking life one day at a time. I just don't plan ahead much these days. It still feels very surreal to me most of the time. I wake up and go, "Wow, D died. WTF happened to my charmed life??

And yes, my mission, too, has been to make D proud. My kids come first in all of my decisions, but I realized early on that I needed to put my "oxygen mask" on and survive, and even thrive, in order for them to be ok. The four of us have come a long ways. I think D would indeed be proud.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: swilson on October 18, 2015, 12:23:06 PM
misjsea {Hug} Sorry you lost your husband, welcome to a place that has been tremendous help for me. In my short time trying to recover, I get tricked into thinking things are starting to smooth out only to get knocked off course again. Describing the turmoil is like trying hold water in your hand. You feel it, you see it, you smell it and then it's gone. All we're left with is a weird dampness.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Frostedglass on November 08, 2015, 05:54:11 PM
I'm new here and want to introduce myself.  My world turned inside out just over a year ago.  Like all of you, at times I accept my new normal and other times I simply can't believe this has all happened.  My MIL suffered from a variety of cancers for 20 years and sadly passed away last Oct. 11, 2014.  My husband spent the week helping his sisters go through her things.  Her memorial service was on a Thursday and my husband had a difficult time burying her.  At the time I was also suffering from excruciating sciatica pain from a herniated disc.  I could hardly walk and relied heavily on my husband's help just to get out of bed every morning.  Because of my pain, I couldn't attend all of the services for his mother.  I was glad he spent the extended time with his family which was rare for him; he didn't hang out with them regularly.  So, the memorial activities for his mother were over and Monday came along as it does every week.  My DH drove me to work (back pain couldn't drive) and picked me up (I'm a school teacher).  We walked through the front door and he collapsed.  I thought he was having a seizure, but he never started seizing.  My son happened to just be getting home (a total God thing) from work.  I called 911 and they arrived quickly.  At the ER they told me they were never able to get a heartbeat.  The Dr. said his heart just stopped, that he was gone when he first hit the floor.  How does that even happen?  I don't know how I got through the following hours, days, weeks, or months.  I had back surgery in Dec. which helped my physical pain, but the heartache is unending.  I have three kids, my oldest son lives with me and helps me financially, I have a daughter who is newly married and lives in a neighboring state, and my youngest daughter is in college.  My DH and I were married 23 years.  He loved me more than I appreciated and I didn't realize how much I loved him.  Memories just aren't enough.  A widow on another site wrote something once . . .  living was now like watching her life through a glass window.  That resonated with me, hence my username.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Prov31cadet on November 08, 2015, 06:07:56 PM
   Hi there, I'm Jacci and my husband Wade died this past April of Melanoma cancer at age 39. He was diagnosed stage 3 of May 2012. Then in December 2013 we found it had advanced to stage 4. I have three energetic boys ages 13, 9, and 7. We are doing our best to move forward. The grief comes in waves. My boys know it is okay to cry and to miss their dad. We continue to make it through each of the milestones. Our most recent was last night attending an extended family gathering on Wade's side. The boys did fine, but it was hard for me.
   I'm so thankful for my family, friends, church family, and coworkers. God has placed the most wonderful people in our lives. They are there continuously praying for and supporting us. God is good all the time!😀
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Jess on November 08, 2015, 06:43:35 PM
Hello Frostedglass and Jacci. Welcome to our forum. I am so sorry for both of your losses.

Frostedglass, I also lost my husband suddenly last year. The quote about watching your life through a glass window resonates with me as well. I've been working on transitioning back to the other side of the glass, but it is not always easy. I hope you were able to weather the one year mark as best you and your kids could. This journey is so very tough.

Jacci, it always warms my heart to see wids with wonderful support networks.  It sounds like you've got your hands full with those three boys and that you are helping them process their grief in a healthy way, which can't be an easy feat!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: stuckwonderingwhy on November 08, 2015, 07:32:28 PM
I just found this forum through a recommendation from /r/GriefSupport on reddit.

I lost my Lady to a car accident in March of this year. It's been rough trying to get back into the step of things since the accident. We had our whole life planned out, and now I'm just stuck with the pieces. I haven't received much support recently, and turned to the internet for help. Posting on reddit helped me vent, and it was the first time in a long time that I was able to speak to people who understood where I am, and what I'm dealing with.

I'm 35, we didn't get a chance to have children. We were together for 7 years. She was supposed to start her Master's Degree this fall. It still feels like it just happened yesterday. I'd just like someone to talk to who understands.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Jess on November 08, 2015, 07:46:02 PM
Hello stuckwonderingwhy. I am glad you were directed our way. I am so very sorry for your loss. A lot of what you said really struck a cord with me. I was 35 when my husband died  suddenly last year. We were together for ten years at the time and married a couple months shy of 8 years. Kids never happened for us either, despite wanting it to happen. In short, we didn't have enough time and I was in the insane position of becoming that poor friend of a friend whose tragic story makes you equally sad and relieved it isn't you.

Around 6 or 7 months out, I too looked around and saw most of my support had moved on with their lives. It is a lonely feeling and this group of people helped me immensely as the shock wore off and I started really processing my new reality. I hope you find this same sort of support here.   
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: br0peth on November 10, 2015, 09:41:59 AM
Hi everyone. 

My name is Dan and lost my wife a couple of weeks to a seizure in the middle of the night, heart stopped. Jesus.
She was a 5 year breast cancer survivor and my everything.  We were married 16 years this Friday coming up. 24 years together.  HIgh school sweethearts.  She was 41.

I have had a good support group so far but need to share with people with similar experiences to share. My love of music and musicianship has been helping too.

Man I miss her.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Damiansinc on November 12, 2015, 07:24:16 AM
Hello,

My wife died 8 months ago. She had a rare condition called frontotemporal dementia that was diagnosed February 2013. By July 2013 I had to have her placed in a nursing home. Her downfall was fast and horrific. I'll spare you all the details but she basically starved to death in hospice care when her brain stopped telling her how and to eat.

If she had lived till September, we would have been together 20 years. I met her in my first class ever in college. We had real good stretches, but I don't want to paint this as a tragic love story. The dementia tore apart our marriage well before there was even a diagnosis. Of course, I didn't know it at the time. I thought we were just in a very bad spot. That she hated me. Stuff like that. Took the diagnosis (after she got fired from two jobs in a matter of weeks and months of doctors and psych hospitals) to help me realize what was really wrong.

For the year and a half she was in the nursing home I drive down to visit her once a week. We have a 6 year old (birthday next week) and I wanted to honestly tell him I did all I could. In fact, I was dedicated to her care. I'm glad we were still together when the foment is hit hard because I was able to make sure she got the care she needed. Had we divorced before (and I was close) she could have died alone or heaven help me hurt our son. So in general I feel proud of how I handled such a hard situation.

While she was still alive I quit working for a break. I have started my own business. I have finished a manuscript. I have continued to raise my son.

I'm on this forum now because just this month I hit a massive wall of depression and have had trouble functioning. I have been seeing a therapist weekly for many years. Just this week I decided to seek out an antidepressant.

Here I am. 8 months out and feeling worse than I've ever felt before. What is that?

But anyway, hello everyone. I'm sorry that we all have to be here, but it's good to know I'm not alone.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wheelerswife on November 12, 2015, 07:22:45 PM
Hi, ALD,

I'm sorry you had to join our club, but welcome.  Dementia is an awful death sentence, and for someone so young, it is even worse.  It must have been terribly difficult to see the initial symptoms and be baffled at the behavioral aspects.  In a way, I imagine that it was a relief to know why your wife had changed, but to then know that there wasn't hope of improvement must have been incredibly difficult.

Having worked in skilled nursing facilities, I've seen how people have had to make the decision to allow other people to care for their loved ones, but it is doubly hard when the person is young.  I know what it takes to be a caregiver, as I also took care of my first husband for 18 years.  I hope you truly know that you did what was best for your wife - and your son - and thirdly, for yourself. 

It isn't at all unusual to be hitting a wall at 8 months out.  Even though you knew the outcome for your wife's life for some time before her death, there is something that hits us when that day finally comes and they die.  I have said that I was well prepared for my (first) husband to die, but not for him to be dead.  You go home and shake your head and say, "Wow.  This day is here."  Then we go about taking care of arrangements and the tasks of everyday life such as taking care of your son.  Eventually, for many of us, we get gobsmacked several months down the line.  "Is this my life?  How do I move forward from here?  How am I going to figure out how to live my life again?"

Well, I'm rambling on...but I wanted to welcome you into the fold.  There are several new people who have joined recently that are just as freshly widowed, if not more so, than you.  I hope you all can find support here.

Maureen
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Cinderpamela on November 16, 2015, 06:47:53 PM
Hi-
This is my very first post. I lost my husband of 22 years in September of 2014. He was out walking the family dog in our neighborhood on a sunny afternoon. While in a crosswalk he was struck by a car. The driver was on her cel phone and claimed she did not see him. He was rushed to the hospital, but not long after arrival I was told that the head injuries he sustained from the back of his head hitting the pavement were too severe, there was no way he could survive them. He was only 43.  It was by far and away the worst day of my life, My husband and I met at University. We have two boys (at the time of the accident they were 17 and 13), he was an amazing father and husband, my best friend and the one person that fully "got" me. He was also the best storyteller and always kept us laughing. I miss so many things.... but most of all I miss the laughter that we shared.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: kjs1989 on November 16, 2015, 07:10:12 PM
I am so sorry Cinderpamela. I was married for 23 years and lost my husband to a freak boat accident  Oct. 20, 2012 while he was on his way to a duck blind to hunt on opening day. He was a passenger in a boat  with six others, and the driver hit a channel marker in the dark and fog. Two feet to the right and they would have missed the concrete marker in the Mississippi River. Basically, they hit a needle in a haystack. He was knocked unconscious and drowned in three feet of water. They were 30 feet from their destination. One other man also died. I also had three teenagers at the time. I never heard a word from the boat driver. Nothing.  He had hunted in the area for 20 years and should have known where that marker was and slowed down if it was not visible. I would not know the man if I saw him at the grocery store. He was a new acquaintance of my husband's. The what-ifs are so brutal for me. I am sure you have gone through that, too.

Again, I am so sorry.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: brandylee on November 18, 2015, 05:27:14 PM
My name is brandy. Im 35, and lost my husband of 12 years to a single car crash. We have 3 kids together who are big handfuls 9, 5r and 2 years old. Its rfeally, really hard to grieve when you are dealing with something kid related at every moment.
He was working on a ranch, and part of our compensation was hiusing, so i had to move very quickly on top of it. In fact, i still havent found a new place to live. I have a trailer house..yay...opening up in about 3 weeks, so i have my kids on vacation at the oregon coast.
Im trying real hard. We really were best friends...id never post something about that on facebook, because he was a man and things like that would have embarrassed him. But that was part of why we worked so well...we were always considerate if each others ways instead of trying to change or criticize. Having tons of my own flawss but a husband who loved me and took care of me...and let me love and take care of him...was one of the luckiest things ever. So i often feel very pissed off about working hard to have what we wanted and having it ripped away. Even though we were kind of doing the traditional thing...housewife, man providing, etc. We were also really liberal and non religious. I find myself wishing i had some faith to fall back on.  Or my kids. But it all seems too foreign.
Anyway thats all i know for now.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: stuckwonderingwhy on November 18, 2015, 06:07:48 PM
Sorry to hear about your husband brandylee.

Don't be afraid to talk about things here. This is a great forum with people who understand where you are, and are here to listen. I also lost my fiancee to a car crash this past March. I've only been posting on this forum for a few weeks, but the people here have helped me a great deal. If you ever need to vent or just want someone to hear you, we are all here.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: stolendance on November 18, 2015, 10:21:26 PM
I am a recent widow a month and a bit. I am also 30 years old and my husband was 32 it is said we our fortunate we don?t have kids and maybe that?s true but we were going to start a family and that has been taken from me. His passing was completely unexpected and due to medical complications in the hospital. I am also new to the city we live in for only a year. It can be hard but I am happy to have a new city to hide out in as our old city now feels so small with how fast the news of his passing spread. I have had to stop my ambitions to ensure his continue as they were our livelihood. I am angry at him because he could have prevented his initial hospital visit and this has changed our life plan. But honestly everyday is a bit of an emotional roller coaster. I feel very luck and happy to have found this site.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: TheOtherHalf on November 19, 2015, 12:59:20 PM
Hello, I am widowed 11 years out now and a member of the now defunct YWBB. Many knew me by Elysia and other monikers. Although changing monikers was never against the rules there, I see it is here and of course I will abide.

If it is possible for me to offer support to the newly widowed here, then I'd happily do so. Sometimes, especially when things are tough for me, it actually brings me comfort to reach out and bring someone else comfort and if there are no impediments that would be good to do.

I admit the pressing reason I joined today is off topic. This is the only place where I know there  are lots of people in NYC and surrounding areas.

So I'll get straight to it.

Doesn't anyone, especially from New York City find it super strange that there are four bridges to Staten Island? Does anyone find it strange that the Statue of Liberty is located on Liberty Island? I can't help but wonder if there aren't a lot of people in New York who would swear up and down that there were no bridges to Staten Island, let alone four, and that the Statue of Liberty, according to my memory was located at Ellis Island.

Now I realize I had a rep. for being crazy, but this isn't crazy talk. There are many people who remember these things as I do. I just can't help but wonder why more people, especially from NYC don't seem to think this is strange, or they aren't saying anything.

What say you?
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Guaruj on November 19, 2015, 05:22:02 PM
stolendance -

I'm glad you found us, but I'm sorry that you needed to. It must be quite a shock to lose your husband so unexpectedly, and especially while he was in hospital care. My wife also died unexpectedly while in the hospital, but this was after 8 years of cancer treatment.

I don't know what city you live in, but you may find other here who live nearby. I hope, when you're ready, that your new city offers you some comforting diversions.

|+|  M a r k  |+|
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Guaruj on November 19, 2015, 05:40:57 PM
Doesn't anyone, especially from New York City find it super strange that there are four bridges to Staten Island?

I'm from Boston myself, but I visited NYC, including Staten Island, back in August. Many people ride the Staten Island Ferry from Manhattan, and that ride is about 5 miles or so. The ferry is free to ride, and that allows people from Staten Island (which is a borough of NYC) to commute to Manhattan without blowing their wages on transportation. Many other people in New York ride the ferry for a cheap day trip with pleasant views on the water.

The bridges on Staten Island connect it to Brooklyn and New Jersey, but it's easy for people who don't drive in those places to assume that the ferry is the only way on and off the island.

Quote
Does anyone find it strange that the Statue of Liberty is located on Liberty Island? I can't help but wonder if there aren't a lot of people in New York who would swear up and down that there were no bridges to Staten Island, let alone four, and that the Statue of Liberty, according to my memory was located at Ellis Island.

The Staten Island Ferry passes by both the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. Both of these sites were extensively renovated by a well-publicized philanthropic project in the mid-1980's. Many Americans associate both sites with waves of immigrants who arrived by boat in the early 20th century: Those immigrants passed by the Statue of Liberty, which symbolized the promise of the United States, on their way to Ellis Island, where they went through the much-less-romantic process of passing through our immigration system. I can see how one might conclude that the statue and the immigration center are adjacent.

My grandmother immigrated through Ellis Island and absolutely hated every minute of it. Tourists visit their now, but she always told me that it was disgusting place back in the 1920's.

|+|  M a r k  |+|
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: TheOtherHalf on November 19, 2015, 07:49:05 PM
Hello, and thank you so much for taking this seriously and responding. Just so I understand, you're saying that there are brides on Ellis Island which connect Ellis Island to Brooklyn/NJ, or these bridges are connected to Staten Island? I know you've spoken plainly and clearly, but I have a thick head when it comes to some things, so thanks for your patience.

While I'm at it, Mongolia! Who knew it was a country? I thought it was lost in the mists of time, but, it has a capital city and everything. I admit, I have totally tuned out over these last eleven years, it looks like a lot has happened in my absence. Or maybe there's an explanation as Guaruja suggests. Sorry I don't know how to use accent keys, but pleased to meet you.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Guaruj on November 19, 2015, 08:11:00 PM
Hello, and thank you so much for taking this seriously and responding. Just so I understand, you're saying that there are brides on Ellis Island which connect Ellis Island to Brooklyn/NJ, or these bridges are connected to Staten Island?

Actually, I was thick-headed when I wrote that sentence. I just now edited it to say that those bridges go to Staten Island. Ellis Island is comparatively tiny.

You can see all of this by searching Google Maps for "Staten Island NY".

|+|  M a r k  |+|

Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: TheOtherHalf on November 19, 2015, 08:24:24 PM
I have searched photos and I'm not really understanding what I am seeing. From what I understand now, there are four bridges that connect Staten Island to Manhattan and some of the surrounding areas, as you have mentioned, Brooklyn and New Jersey. I have looked for photos that show the four bridges, but I can't find them.

Don't worry about it this is one of the avenues I wanted to explore in order to get a handle on it. I guess no one has any issues with Mongolia being a country either. Anyway, if that should change with anyone, this post is here. I'll check back now and again.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: TheOtherHalf on November 19, 2015, 08:53:21 PM
Just to clarify, I have seen photos of the four bridges, but I could not find images of Staten Island with more than one bridge connecting it to New York.

I have to say, reading the names of the bridges for the first time, or even seeing those names for the first time, looking up when they were constructed, and finding newspaper articles describing how the Goethe Bridge I believe, is being completely re done. Then looking Mongolia, and its "new" history, at least new to me, its currency, its culture, its architecture all for the very first time - it feels like I am in a completely different place and time.

I remember the deaths of Jim Nabors, David Soul, and Gene Wilder, but not that Anderson guy. But they didn't happen either. As I said, I'm not the only one and I just wondered if this rings a bell here.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: brandylee on November 20, 2015, 01:14:04 AM
Im brandy. Today would have been austin's 37th birthday. He died kn august 31 this year in a car crash. We had three very handful like kids 9, 5 and 2. Im still feeling like now i just have to crawl.through this shitty new life that i hate. We were each other's best friends, so we pretty much spent any time he wasn't working together (i was a housewife/ stay at home mom/ whatever phrase offends you the east bc i dont care.) My three little handfuls make it impossible to greive. Theyre busy fighting, being hyper, breaking stuff, etc. In some ways thts probably lucky, but it means i burst into weird.child-like snivel-fits my husband probably would hsve made fun of.lol,i miss his sick sense of.humor like that. Existing hurts right now, but its totally necessary because of the kids.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: donswife on November 20, 2015, 06:45:32 AM
hi brandy ,
so sorry you are here but glad you found a place to come and post
slowly crawling through this shitty life is something we understand , don't like it but understand it
and those burst of crying , yup know that also
take care
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: brandylee on November 21, 2015, 01:11:58 AM
Im glad theres someone it makes sense too...well not glad it does. But glad weve found a place to be.  Its better than trying to comfort someoe else from their discomfort of our situation
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: mizjsea on November 21, 2015, 09:00:31 AM
Hi Brandy. I lost my husband the August before last. I am sorry for your loss. My kids are older and I can't imagine suffering this tragedy with young kids and my heart goes out to those who have. I think young kids are a double edged sword in that you are forced to function and have the purpose of "them" but on the other hand I know it is exhausting and depleting. When my kids were young I just kind of laughed at the advice "take time for yourself" so I hate to even say it. But  am wishing you luck, strength and hugs.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: TheNewNormal on November 22, 2015, 10:17:35 AM
Hi all,

I've been lurking for the last couple of months, finding solace in reading everyone's stories and suggestions with coping and it's made a tremendous impact on helping me get through my grief.  Thank you to everyone that's contributed.

It was back in June when lost my wife of 4 years. We were together for 11 years and it was the best 11 years of my life. She left behind 2 daughters, just 2 months and shy of 3 years at the time of her death. She died from a rare infection. It was fast(ish). She got sick on Sunday night, hospitalized on Wednesday morning, passed early morning Thursday.  She put up a good fight til the end, having suffered 2 cardiac arrests but bouncing back from both. She know she had to stay not just for her 2 daughters but for me also. But in the end she succumbed.

The last few months have been....blah. It's been difficult and the fact that we had an polyamorous relationship makes it that much more complicated. Nonetheless, I get my strength to get up and out of bed everyday from my girls.

I hate to be part of this "club" but I'm very glad I found others that are on the same page of me. I wish everyone the best on this long and winding road we call widowhood.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: MikeWithKids on November 26, 2015, 11:02:03 PM
Hi,

Recently found this again thanks to RobFTC and thought I should say hi. I was a previous member of the YWBB.

Five years ago I suddenly lost my wife to a postpartum pregnancy complication. I have an eight year old and a five year old I have been raising myself since then. I've had the support of many people over the past five years but I have really done most of the work on my own (and with a huge amount of help from an amazing nanny I found a few months after losing my wife.) I'm glad you all have a forum here again.

I have my ups and downs just like anyone. Mostly doing alright now, though there are still some bad days.

-Mike
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: alemja on December 01, 2015, 02:12:54 AM
Hi everyone, I am also an old YWBB member, came across this page via the facebook one.

Hold on Brandy, the days and weeks will pass and life will go on, with young kids there is no avoiding it.

I lost my husband on June 4th 2013, my children were 5 and 7 at the time, it was completely unexpected, he had bipolar disorder and took his life after a particularly bad manic episode.

I am a control freak and I was sure that I could work my way through this grief thing right and come out fine and "over it" on the other side. What a laugh, right;) !?
Its been a very painful lesson to learn that you cant "finish" grieving, that we will carry this loss forever. But I have come to realise that life can carry one along side that loss.
I met another young widower by chance 9 months out, he had lost his wife 6 months before and he also had two kids, aged 5 and 7 when she passed. At first it was such a relief to make a friend who "got it", very very quickly fell for each other and now, 21 months later we are engaged and have been living together for a year already. Our kids consider each other siblings and we all get each others loss, we live (really live, laugh, play enjoy) and grieve together. The kids comfort each other and cheer each other up the grief rears its head and my new love and I do the same for each other, there is no jealousy or discomfort when we grieve for our lost spouses. Our family pictures hang together on the walls , both new and old.
There is hope, its not an easy road at all by life can and does go on.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Alyssa on December 03, 2015, 09:43:46 PM
Hi, my name is Alyssa. My husband and I were married for four years before he was KIA in Afghanistan on 9 June 2014. My husband and I were dual military. We have two young daughters. The first year I was numb went through the motions of day to day life. The shock of Jason's death and the controversy surrounding his death took a toll on me. Through therapy I have accepted I can't change what has been done. Although, it has been over a year the holidays and his bday fast approaching have brought on many emotions. I feel every emotion possible at all times. I hope being able to connect with others who have lost will help me through the  holidays.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wheelerswife on December 03, 2015, 10:06:54 PM
Hi, Alyssa.

I'm sorry to have to welcome you to our club.  There are some really awesome people here.  Connecting with other widows has really helped me get through the losses of my husbands.  Some people from this site and its precursor are truly my friends.  So...keep coming here, venting, making connections.

Maureen
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: lisaj on December 04, 2015, 06:23:16 AM
Hello,I am Lisa and a 36 close to be 37 year old widow.I lost my husband of 10 years to cancer in March.It was very hard and it hit me when he passed away.He was a good man to me and always treated me right.He was also a great step dad to my 3 kids.Everything is looking good now,lot of help from his family and friends including my family and friends.Have been seeing a therapist on this and says I am doing better.Good thing is I am not hurting for money,I get his pension from the shop he retired at 3 years ago.I miss his great laugh,had a great sense of humor and times on the front porch having a couple beers with him too.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: bonay on December 08, 2015, 12:21:28 PM
Hello All, I have finally decided to stop being the wallflower and create an account and Participate. May name is Scott and I lost my love of my life a year and a half ago. My wife's name was Renee and she was my everything, for she was my support, my filter, and the one person that could tell me everything was going to be ok and I believed her. I lost her a week before our 17th Wedding Anniversary and my 40th birthday.  I was one of the lucky few that actually got married on my birthday. We were talking about what we were going to do for our anniversary and then she had a brain aneurysm. On that day my world came to a close and every day since I have to talk myself into getting out of bed for I know she wouldn't want me to mope. She had the worlds largest heart and she was the most beautiful woman I ever laid eyes on and I am coming to this group because I need to hear from someone that it is going to get better and this pain that I feel in my heart is going to ease up. Every night I come home from work just hoping that I have been in this nightmare and I never wake up.
I do apologize for the rambling words and the poor grammar . Thank you for having me.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: alemja on December 09, 2015, 02:58:59 AM
Huge hugs Bonay

I remember all  too well that feeling that my life was now a nightmare that I would never be able to wake up from  :'(

Time does pass though, you will make it through it doesnt seem possible
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wheelerswife on December 09, 2015, 07:11:51 AM
Welcome, Scott.

I hope nobody ever worries about their grammar and rambling words on here.  I think I've been posting off and on for a long time with the word "ramblings" in the title of my posts.  We have to have some place to express what runs through our heads...in a place where people won't look at us as if we had two heads.

I'm so sorry you lost your beloved Renee.  I know it feels like this is never going to get better, but my experience is that it does.  I've lived this nightmare twice now.  My experiences have been very different.  My first husband died after a relatively long marriage with a long and slow decline in health and a predicable death.  My second husband died suddenly after a short marriage and I was really crushed.  It has taken me much longer to feel like I am getting my feet under me after my second husband's death. 

Each of us is going to have similar, yet different experiences.  I hope for you that the oppressive sadness can begin to lift.  I know that I'm too young to just finish living out my life without a partner to share whatever time I am going to have on this earth.  In time, I hope to find another great love.  Not everyone wants this, but I do.  I think we need to keep hope that we will be able to find joy in life again.  We will always be changed by loss.  We see the world through a different lens.  It isn't all bad.  I know that I appreciate some things more deeply and sincerely for what I have been through in my life.

Hugs to you,

Maureen
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: SimiRed on December 09, 2015, 08:01:19 AM
Huge hugs to you Alyssa, bonay and lisaj.  I'm so sorry for your losses, but glad you found a safe place here on the board.

This is a wonderful place to find the support you need and the freedom to express your feelings without judgement.  We all understand, unfortunately, the anger and pain.

I lost my husband of 20 years to cancer six years ago, but I still miss him everyday.  More so this year than those in the past for different reasons.  Somehow, it feels like I'm starting this journey all over again...but, that is due to past circumstances that should have never happened. 

No, of course not, no one here is the grammar police, so post away...

Like Maureen says, we find a way to appreciate the little things more deeply, in time, it doesn't hurt so bad.

Hugs!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: MountainMan on December 11, 2015, 11:06:52 PM
I lost my wife of 10 years, Judy, three years ago to Cancer of Unknown Primary (CUP) she was 39.  We have a beautiful daughter who gives me the motivation to get through every day and makes me strive to be the best Dad a little girl could ever hope for.   I think being a single Dad keeps me plenty busy enough that it helps to keep my mind off of things.  That's not to say I still don't have my moments.  A little more than a year after my wife passed we moved about 700 miles away from what little family we had to "start over" with a new life for ourselves.  We had been on a pretty rough stretch, I lost my father to cancer 10 months before my wife, and we had a house fire that destroyed half of our house 10 months prior to that (boy when people say things come in threes!) I was also stressed out by the daily grind and knew that a change was a necessity in order for me not to lose my mind.

Our daughter who just turned 8 last week has turned into the greatest little girl a Dad could ever hope for.  She has a great, bubbly, outgoing personality and shows no major side affects of the loss that we both endured.  I think on some level she was too young to fully grasp the situation.

We've been in our new town about a year and a half now and we both love it!  We've made quite a few friends and we recently completed construction on our new home and have a great group of new neighbors around us.  I had a few rough spots when we moved into the new home, I feel this sense of emptiness and dreamed of how much I wish she could be here with us because I know she would simply love our new home (plus I could use some help decorating it  :)
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: SimiRed on December 14, 2015, 07:53:55 PM
Welcome MountainMan, glad you found this great group of people who understand a lot.  It is difficult being an only parent, my son was 8 when his Dad passed, also from Cancer.  He was initially diagnosed as CUP, but after 4 years of treatments, finally said it was Neuroendocrine cancer of Unknown Primary. 

It is rough to move to a new area and a new home, it brings back all those empty feelings from the beginning.  It'll get better, enjoy your new home and ask that wonderful daughter of yours for some decorating ideas!  I'm sure she'll be happy to help.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Freelancing on December 15, 2015, 07:34:59 AM
Hi All,
I"m now widowed almost 9 years.Although it was a helluva journey, I made it back much wiser, stronger and live life with purpose. My children are now young adults finding their way in the world. Naturally, they have been affected by their father's death that have turned into some very positive ways. I'm still single - YAAY! I've decided to give it another 5 years before I date! 

I was a former member of the old YWBB, thank goodness literally, it was shut down for obvious good reasons. No matter the type of website good trustworthy moderators are always needed. The last forum did not have the option for reporting threats, lewd pictures, malicious behavior such as revealing a person's identity without their consent or knowledge. People failed to realize in the company of others one must learn to control their grief driven anger. Some of the posts I read before I left YWBB could have lead to some serious legal ramifications.
Anyhoo, I'm here again 6yrs later hoping to share what I have learned!
There is light at the end of the tunnel whereas before I thought it was another train!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: rae on December 18, 2015, 11:06:29 AM
Hi -- My name is Rae.  I have been lurking for a while and decided to sign up and become a participating member.  I was widowed 4 years ago at the age of 45, my husband was 51 and died of a heart attack.  There was no warning, he had no history of heart disease. 

I'm remarried and have a new step-family and things are pretty good most of the time.  But the grief hasn't really gone away, I just hide it well.  No one in real life suspects that I still hurt so much. 

Looking forward to being a member here.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Lisa on December 18, 2015, 11:03:42 PM
Welcome
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Helena on December 28, 2015, 07:59:25 AM
Hi, I?m Helena and I?m 37. Lost my husband August 12th this year. A sudden death that we didn?t expect at all. A sunny beautiful day turned into a nightmare. We were out swimming at a lake and my husband took our 4 year old son on his back for some swimming. At the time I washed our youngest daughter in the water. Suddenly I look up and see my husband swimming. He looks a bit tired but nothing out of the ordinary. I attend to my daughter again and the next time (maybe 30 secs later) I look up my husband is gone. He is nowhere to be seen, I can only see my son trying to remain floating in the water. At first I think its some kind of stupid joke where my husband is hiding under the water but after a couple of seconds i realise that it?s not a joke. My husband is gone under the water and my son is silently struggling to keep his head above the waterline.
I call 112 (we live in Sweden) and at the same time i send some people in the water looking for Axel (my husband). The ambulance and rescuers arrive and we have still not found him. He has now been under water for approx 15 min.
The get him out of the water and start a 3 hour long resuscitation treatment. Axel is pronounced dead at 7.45 pm.

The post mortem examination shows that Axel had a severe blockage of the left anterior descending artery (also called LAD) and according to the coroner that blockage probably had something to do with his death. The fact that he was in water when it happened and the long resuscitation made it more complicated to see exactly how it went wrong. The heart also had severe signs of oxygen deprivation and the coroner thought that some of these was the result of blockage of LAD.

I have three children, 8,4 and 2 years old. They have lost their father and their father lost his life. Axel was an intelligent, creative and kind man. He could talk to anybody and most people really liked him, He had a great job and was a loving father. He had so many things going on and suddenly it all stopped. His memories and everything he planned just disappeared and now I find myself standing here with three children. I have a good social network and my in-laws are just great. No financial problems but I miss him so much and it?s now that I begin to realise that he is gone. Gone forever.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: swilson on December 28, 2015, 08:32:34 AM
{Hugs} Helena, I'm sorry you have lost your husband Axel. It's a terrible loss for your children. I've found a lot of support here at Widda and don't know where I would be without this group.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: daysofelijah on January 01, 2016, 01:52:21 PM
I don't think I've ever done an intro here. I used to post a little and read a lot on the old board.

My name is Amy. I lost my dh in 10/2012 after a 13 month battle with brain cancer. I have 4 children, currently ages 12,11,8,and 4. Littlest was 9 months old when dh died. It's been a hell of a 3+ years. But I'm currently on an upswing. The kids are doing well. I decided to start a new relationship this past May and it's going well, keeping things at a slow pace.

I enjoy reading and will try to do some posting as well. Thank you.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: swilson on January 01, 2016, 02:14:22 PM
Happy New Year Amy. Good to hear you're making progress with life and family, it gives some of us not so far along a little hope that things do get better.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wynne on January 02, 2016, 09:51:41 PM
Hello.  I am new here.  This is my first post.  I may be in the wrong place because I don't know what YWBB is, but here goes anyway.  I lost my Ronnie June 23rd in a car accident.  It was our 14th wedding anniversary.  He was 35 and I was 36.  We also have two young daughters, aged 9 and 10 now. We were high school sweethearts and he was the only person who truly knew me. I am an introvert and although I have great family support I have no true friends.  I am hopeful about being able to communicate with others in my situation.  People are generally kind but I am already hearing talk about how my emotions shouldn't be so raw now, how I should have his stuff packed away, and my mom's hints about dating (you're kidding, right?).  I am struggling with raising my kids, with how to remember Ronnie, with fears of all kinds, and with being sad and lonely.  I didn't mean to vent in this post.  Sorry.  I also have good things in my life, mainly my girls.  They give me a reason.  Anyway, that's a little about me.  I am looking forward to being on the boards.  : )
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: TooSoon on January 03, 2016, 05:58:09 AM
I'm so sorry for your losses.  This is a safe supportive place that has, over the past three years, saved me time and again from the brink of insanity. 

Daysofelijah, I also lost my husband to brain cancer (GBM) just three years ago.  I was completely traumatised for a long time but things have gotten  better with time; I, too, am in a new relationship and my daughter and I are building a new life.  If ever you want to talk about the uniquely monstrous experience of brain cancer, please feel free to reach out to me via pm.  Talking with other GBM widows has been a tremendous help for me all along the way.

Wishing you all peace. 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: swilson on January 03, 2016, 12:07:43 PM
{Hugs} Wynne, I'm sorry you lost Ronnie, I hope you'll find Widda.org a good place to talk about tough emotions and life. Shake off the expectations of others, I agree with you in that there is a need to reach out to those who have to carry on after the loss of a loved one. This awful period of time may be the very worst time in our life, so yes we need to vent and we get it.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Justin on January 04, 2016, 03:12:45 PM
Welcome, Wynne. I am so sorry that you have to be here, but these good people have helped me so very much. This is my safe place, where I know people will "get me" and what I am dealing with in my life.

The YWBB abbreviation will pop up from time to time; it stands for "Young Widows/Widowers Bulletin Board" and is a forum on which many of us first met. It shut down last March with little warning, and many of the members from there "regrouped" on this site.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: KC79 on January 25, 2016, 12:20:33 PM
Hello,
This is the first forum I've ever joined for any reason, so I'm just trying to figure out how everything works.  I lost my husband to suicide almost 6 months ago.  He passed away the day before my birthday.  This week will not only mark 6 months, but his birthday is on Thursday, as well.  I'm just trying to gain some perspective and get in touch with what I'm really feeling.  I feel like I've just been surviving and going through the motions since it happened - work, kids, bed, work, kids, bed; over and over.  I'm exhausted!  I think I've been putting off reaching out to others in my situation because I have been holding on to the thought that he might actually come back to me! I feel guilty every time I change something in the house because I think, what if Bob doesn't like it, or recognize the house, and therefore decides not to stay.  I express these thoughts to my family and friends, but it doesn't seem to help.  They look at me with pity.  Anyway, I just felt compelled to reach out, so here it is - hello everyone!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: k3songs on January 25, 2016, 03:52:12 PM
Hello KC79, So sorry for your loss.  I am glad you found this place.  It's a good place to come and pour out your feelings. Everyone  here will understand.and give you support.  Sometimes the people in our lives just don't know the depths of what we are going through after losing a spouse.  I hope you can find some peace and understanding here.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Guaruj on January 25, 2016, 05:22:12 PM
Hi KC - I'm sorry to hear that you lost your husband in such a painful way.

I feel guilty every time I change something in the house because I think, what if Bob doesn't like it, or recognize the house, and therefore decides not to stay.  I express these thoughts to my family and friends, but it doesn't seem to help.

That sounds very familiar to me. There are many of us here who resist rearranging things that our spouses left behind. I have examples of that in just about every room of my home. It even extends to my wife's car, which I now drive every day.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: swilson on January 26, 2016, 09:14:26 AM
{hugs} KC79, I'm sorry about your husband. Welcome sounds so hollow but as k3songs and Guaruja have said, you've found a very good place where your thoughts and feelings can be shared.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: b1inker on January 26, 2016, 03:31:13 PM
Hello there, I used to lurk the YWBB but ended up taking a leave before hitting the reddit board and now I figured I'd get back into this as it is so nice to read these things since it helps me feel like I'm not alone.

I lost my wife to a brain tumor (speech center) on 1/12/13. We were married for 2yrs 7months, she fought cancer for 2yrs 6months and 3weeks. I was the primary caregiver and it nearly broke me to watch her die a little more every day.

That's pretty much it.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wheelerswife on January 26, 2016, 08:28:20 PM
Welcome back.  I realize that your whole marriage...from honeymoon until death...was spent caring for your wife.  Hugs to you.

Maureen
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: BelongaJ on January 29, 2016, 06:43:32 PM
Hello.  I'm BelongaJ, also known as BJ.  The name was a joke my husband and I shared.  His name was Jay and one day he joked that something "belonga'd" to him, then announced everything "belonga'd" to him.  I ask if that included me and he emphatically declared I most definitely belonga Jay.

We were together for more than 15 years, married for 10 of those.  He passed away over two years ago and I still am trying to cope with the loss.  The grief comes like a gut punch some days.  Today I was told I got a generous bonus at work but instead of feeling happy I cried because I couldn't share it with him.

I look forward to meeting and chatting with people here.  People who understand (excuse the language) how fucked up our worlds are now.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wheelerswife on January 29, 2016, 06:48:38 PM
Hi, BelongaJ,

We understand colorful language here.  Welcome to the fold.  I lost my second husband two years ago and I still live in the world that was his.  Lately, there have been many reminders that he isn't here any more.  He was a university professor, and today I had lunch with one of his former students who would just love to be able to use him for a reference, but she can't. 

I'm glad you found us.

Maureen
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Erin on March 05, 2016, 12:30:19 AM
I have been circling this site for some time and finally have the courage to post... so here is my story

Bryan and I were together for almost 12 years, married almost 7. I first met him in junior high when he moved to my town. Our senior year of high school we started dating and he asked me to marry him only 6 months later. He joined the Navy and I went to college so we spent a lot of years apart, but we eventually got married. We wanted kids, but it never happened for us. We had so many happy times (along with the bad), and I always knew he was my soulmate. Just after his 28th birthday (Aug 2013) he was diagnosed with T-cell ALL. It was a long road... he had many rounds of chemo and radiation, countless admissions to the hospital, a bone marrow transplant. Nothing worked but we always had hope. I wasn't prepared for him to die. He left us September 11, 2015. I miss him so much every day and I am not sure I accept he's really gone.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Damiansinc on March 05, 2016, 03:25:47 PM
So so sorry you have to be here Erin. Huge hug!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: TooSoon on March 05, 2016, 03:34:08 PM
I, too, am sorry you have a reason to join us.  This place has been and is still a lifeline for me.  There are so many loving and generous people here who will give you space to say what you need to say  and people here will hear you and offer strategies/support when you feel cast out and alone or afraid.  Hold on tight!  You're going to make it through. 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: jenghes on March 14, 2016, 11:16:52 PM
Hello, I'm new here.   I posted a more lengthy post in the newly widowed section.   I lost my husband of 21 years, the father of our 3 children, daughters 19, 16, and son 8 to suicide on February 13, 2016.

I am a walking train wreck.  I am sad, guilty, angry all at the same time.   I thought there were stages of greif.  I am not seeing stages, I am experiencing them all at the same time.

I am hoping to find some comfort, some listening ears here.  I need something.  Tried counseling and it didn't seem to feel right.  Neither me nor my daughter connected with our therapist.

Jen
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on March 15, 2016, 01:43:16 AM
Hi Jen, I'm so sorry you had to join us but am glad you found us.  You will find amazing support here as we 'get it'. We've been there. Please remember being so early out to breathe, drink lots of water (as crying is dehydrating) and try to get some sleep as best you can.  The early days are excruciating so be kind and gentle with yourself.  Giant hugs to you and your daughter.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: MonyC on March 19, 2016, 09:20:20 PM
I'm not sure why it took me so long to get here?! I honestly didn't know about the new site for a long time and one of our fellow wids told me about it and here I am finally.  I was on YWBB as mony as well and I have to say that I'm missed having a place as an outlet to go to.

My Jose died 3 years ago yesterday, the 18th.  His official cause of death was liver failure, but he struggled with mental illness for most of his life.....I think of that as the cause of his death, but that's just how I look at it.  I'm 33, still trying to figure out this new life of mine, still trying to figure out how to be happy again one day.  I feel like life has somewhat stood still in these last 3 years and honestly, can't believe it's been that long.  It still feels like it just happened, but since yesterday was the "day", I could just be feeling down more than usual. 

I may not have posted all that much on the last board, but I read A LOT!  I don't know how I would have survived without finding others on here who actually understood what I felt, and how I felt. I was truly in a fog my first year and diagnosed with PTSD when I finally found a therapist a year after he passed.....which helped explained a lot of my craziness.   Each day is still a struggle, even this far out. Some days of course are easier and I am able to manage a lot of anxiety and fear, but not all of the time.  Anyways, I am so glad to be back to a place of understanding with all of you. 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: SoVerySad on March 21, 2016, 10:34:13 AM
MonyC, When I saw the username as a new member, I wondered if it was you. It is good to hear from you. We are very close in timeline, as my T died 3 years ago today. I have thought about you from time to time, along with others that lost our lives in that same timeframe. I'm still struggling as well, so I understand. I'm glad you found your way back to us.

Sending you a tight hug...
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Johannus on June 14, 2016, 07:07:58 AM
Hello all,

I've been a registered member for a few weeks now, but didn't get the chance to really read or write yet.

My wife died last year, summer. It's been almost a year now. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2013. Our son was about 9 months at the time. We've been through it all, but in the end she never really had a chance apparently. 

It's been almost 11 months since she passed away, and I'm been coping just on the rush ever since. I've got two lovely kids, the youngest at the age of 3 and my daughter is 6. Every few months I look back at what I've been doing, and where I am today,. and every time I am surprised.

Seen a lot of friends disappear, and ran into the wall of misunderstanding. Experienced the 'Overwelming Silence' and found myself on the couch, feeling lonely. Loneliness..  I've found a therapist and she helped to understand myself quite a bit.  Fear, Grief, Emotions, Crying, Insomnia. Everything.

I need to find myself again. I've lost myself, and the caregiving for my wife had it's effect on my kids.
From about 9 months till about 2,5 years of age, I wasn't able to take care of my son the way I would have wanted. And now, I'm lacking the energy to "make things right",. (as if that would be possible anyway).

Slowly I'm accepting this new state of family. The three of us. That's it.




Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wheelerswife on June 14, 2016, 07:59:56 AM
Johannus,

Welcome to this online community.  I'm so sorry you lost your wife and the mother to your children.  We do have some other young fathers amongst us, although they are many fewer than young mothers, but you can still find common experiences with others here.  Widowhood, especially for younger people, can really be a lonely place, as you have experienced.  I have gained much from the camaraderie with others in similar positions.  It helps to know that we aren't the only ones in this situation.  I hope you can get some reinforcement with others who are struggling to raise very young children having been a caregiver, and then being left to grieve and take care of children at the same time.

Hugs,

Maureen
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: TofinoMan on June 26, 2016, 01:41:51 PM
Hello, and thanks for allowing me to join.
Find most people don't understand how i really feel.
So why not try reading where people who went through it may actually have an idea how much I hurt but can't explain it in words to others.
I'm crappy at putting it in words, and confused to because my feelings keep changing.
The final straw to even mentioning that I lost my wife was when a woman said she understood how i feel because she recently lost her cat.
My response is my responsibility...I'm an adult who cannot even deal with society right now.
But getting angry was still wrong.
Don't even have a clue what to say to my daughter when she asks me questions.

Ian
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: SunshineFL on June 26, 2016, 07:20:58 PM
...
Find most people don't understand how i really feel.
...
The final straw to even mentioning that I lost my wife was when a woman said she understood how i feel because she recently lost her cat.
...
Don't even have a clue what to say to my daughter when she asks me questions.

Ian


Hi, Ian - I see you were brave and posted your first post here, so, while I'm logged on, let me please extend a welcome word and a cyber hug of caring through the screen.  Sorry you had reason to find yourself here, but you have discovered an amazing online community of people all around the world, at different stages on their widowed journey, all offering wisdom, kindness, support and encouragement.

True, most people don't understand. And, yes, it is impossible to find adequate words to describe the early emotions when the pain runs so deep.

And that woman who compared the loss of your wife to the loss of her cat, well, she is just a dolt - ignore her. Don't worry a moment about having a real reaction in a surreal situation. I will say that most/many of us here have had someone, somewhere, at some point in time, say something outrageous.  If I recall correctly, there is even a thread about it here.

And what to say to your sweet daughter, so much of that depends on her age, readiness to understand the unimaginable. There is an entire board for widowed parents with a lot of good guidance there. What I found as I shepherded my three after their dad/my late husband's passing was honesty, loving words, patience and an effort to try to give them a renewed foundation of safety when the foundation of the world as they knew it had disappeared. Daily, sometimes in the moment, doing the best I could in the moment we had, choosing love each day in our efforts to heal. It has been 7 years now.  Just shining a ray of light when I know your world feels very dark right now.

Please know - you are not alone.
Post often, share and connect. Lots of good people here - and here for each other.
Warm wishes from FL
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: TofinoMan on June 26, 2016, 09:22:16 PM
...
Find most people don't understand how i really feel.
...
The final straw to even mentioning that I lost my wife was when a woman said she understood how i feel because she recently lost her cat.
...
Don't even have a clue what to say to my daughter when she asks me questions.

Ian


Hi, Ian - I see you were brave and posted your first post here, so, while I'm logged on, let me please extend a welcome word and a cyber hug of caring through the screen.  Sorry you had reason to find yourself here, but you have discovered an amazing online community of people all around the world, at different stages on their widowed journey, all offering wisdom, kindness, support and encouragement.

True, most people don't understand. And, yes, it is impossible to find adequate words to describe the early emotions when the pain runs so deep.

And that woman who compared the loss of your wife to the loss of her cat, well, she is just a dolt - ignore her. Don't worry a moment about having a real reaction in a surreal situation. I will say that most/many of us here have had someone, somewhere, at some point in time, say something outrageous.  If I recall correctly, there is even a thread about it here.

And what to say to your sweet daughter, so much of that depends on her age, readiness to understand the unimaginable. There is an entire board for widowed parents with a lot of good guidance there. What I found as I shepherded my three after their dad/my late husband's passing was honesty, loving words, patience and an effort to try to give them a renewed foundation of safety when the foundation of the world as they knew it had disappeared. Daily, sometimes in the moment, doing the best I could in the moment we had, choosing love each day in our efforts to heal. It has been 7 years now.  Just shining a ray of light when I know your world feels very dark right now.

Please know - you are not alone.
Post often, share and connect. Lots of good people here - and here for each other.
Warm wishes from FL

Thank you.

She turned 5 just last month.

We spent Friday out on the boat and had a great day.
Then yesterday I drove her a bit over 2 hours to meet with her grandparents  (Jenny's parents ) at roughly the mid point between us.
After I had a nice lunch in Parksville with them, I drove the couple hours home with some good old school rock music blasting in the car since I was alone.
Once home I reheated a cup of coffee and sat down on the sundeck.
That is when i hit the worst of it.
I thought I was doing better.
The past few weeks it hasn't been as bad it seems.
Then 2 months and 26 days in I hit a new low.
Not even sure if I am more sad or mad.
But I just screamed and smashed my favorite coffee mug.
Could not sleep so joined this site.
I'm a mess today and even a nice motorcycle ride didn't feel right and its usually one of the best things to make me feel better is a good ride.

Today cleaning up the mess of broken glass and coffee stains i realize that my getting better is maybe not really better.
I promised them they could have my baby girl till Wednesday, and its all i could do this afternoon to not call and say I needher home.
I'm just not my usual confident self.
Barely able to make a simple choice of what to cook for dinner...so i just went out and ate alone.
Spent much of today somewhere between crying and ready to punch a hole in a wall or smashing more dishes.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: MrsT85 on June 27, 2016, 06:08:49 AM

Spent much of today somewhere between crying and ready to punch a hole in a wall or smashing more dishes.


When I was feeling especially destructive I would scream and hurl ice cubes at the tile wall in the shower or outside at the side of the house and sidewalk in the backyard (it was a really good trick I learned from a mental illness podcast I used to listen to).  There was still the release of smashing something, but without the damage or cleanup.

I'm so sorry you had reason to join us here, but glad you found us. 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Jess on June 27, 2016, 10:02:17 AM
The evil part of me that I never indulged when someone compared a loss of a pet to my loss of my husband wanted to say "Oh, your cat was your lover, too? You DO get it!" I am a way more fun person in my unspoken comebacks.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Ruth on July 07, 2016, 08:37:48 AM
I was looking for this thread yesterday evening, but couldn't find it. Anyway, I'll introduce myself here now.

I grew up in a community/group that had quite some different customs, etc. as the place I live now. I was fourteen when I married my twenty-year-old husband Michael. We were married a little over five years when he died in April 2015.

What makes it more painful is that I was pregnant at the time he died. He didn't even know if it was a boy or girl. I learned it was a girl about a week later, the same day I lost our daugther. I had nothing left so when I got the chance to leave I did.

Where I live now, our marriage isn't considered legal, which makes it so much harder to talk about any of this. Especially because no one here knew my husband. The past year I've been trying to pick up the pieces and building a new life for myself. There hasn't been much room for my feelings, so the pain of loosing him is only really starting to hit me now.

Thank you for providing this place,
Ruth
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Lisa on July 07, 2016, 06:53:03 PM
Welcome Ruth
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: TofinoMan on July 07, 2016, 11:35:30 PM
I was looking for this thread yesterday evening, but couldn't find it. Anyway, I'll introduce myself here now.

I grew up in a community/group that had quite some different customs, etc. as the place I live now. I was fourteen when I married my twenty-year-old husband Michael. We were married a little over five years when he died in April 2015.

What makes it more painful is that I was pregnant at the time he died. He didn't even know if it was a boy or girl. I learned it was a girl about a week later, the same day I lost our daugther. I had nothing left so when I got the chance to leave I did.

Where I live now, our marriage isn't considered legal, which makes it so much harder to talk about any of this. Especially because no one here knew my husband. The past year I've been trying to pick up the pieces and building a new life for myself. There hasn't been much room for my feelings, so the pain of loosing him is only really starting to hit me now.

Thank you for providing this place,
Ruth

Hello Ruth.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Welcome to the club that it sucks you had to join.
These are good people here.
I'm new yet, but I think this place is a God send.
Please call me Fly as everyone else does.
Blessings ☺
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Now and Zen on August 18, 2016, 08:06:51 AM
Hello to everyone, I'm new here I just recently join.  My name is Rudy AKA Now and Zen.  I lost my wife to cancer about 1-1/2 years ago. She died from head and neck cancer, that was very aggressive. After many different treatments there were no more options to treat her cancer, She was very brave, and right to the end was the strongest of us two. She was my whole life , we were married for a 33 years. When she pass I felt like in many ways I had lost myself. I have read many of the subject posted here and really appreciate each and everyone of you, for sharing. It's been very helpful to see that so many of the things I felt were not abnormal for widow people to go through. What I have learned here is very calming in an otherwise crazy world.  Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Julester3 on August 20, 2016, 11:40:11 PM
Hi all. I'm Julie. I just joined in today though the site was recommended by a friend, also a widow, awhile ago. I wasn't ready to talk. I needed to work things out in my head. I lost my husband April 7th this last spring to a heart attack. He went to tennis drills in the evenings just like he always did on Thursdays and he never came home that night. He had no history of heart disease and had exhibited no symptoms so to find out this is why he died, just devastates me. For me, it means you can't control what is meant to happen. You can only live life as best as you can and accept it. I tell the kids we never have to like it, we just have to accept it.

We were married 15 years but we met in middle school and later dated through college so we have had our lives intertwined for 28 years of our 41 years. We have 2 kids, 16 and 12, so we do have a bit of him left in this world. I spent the rest of the month of April making sure the girls were well supported and could go back to school to finish the year. I went to work full time because we needed health insurance and extra household funds since my husband made most of our family income. I was lucky I was already working part time for the last 12 years because he didn't want me to work too much so I could be better flexible with the kids and their needs. I simply re-negotiated my contract with my employers.

So, I get by on sheer stubbornness, fretting over the kids, keeping the pets in line, trying to keep my house in order, and what little time is left, I have hobbies I love to do to keep me busy. So I am literally exhausting myself so the grief doesn't take over and so I can sleep at least a solid 6 hours each night. I am functioning but I have to admit I avoid people because all I get is awkward sympathy. I don't want to hear it anymore. I have found in the past sharing with people of like purpose to be helpful in other situations so I knew I was finally ready for a community such as this. The girls and I go to a support group locally here and I was shocked how many young widows there were in attendance. We commonly are looking to solidify our children's well being but that didn't give *me* much support. So I hope to be a regular active member here, to contribute and listen.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Ivy on September 13, 2016, 07:51:51 PM
Hi. I'm IVY. I joined YWBB several years ago, but never posted much. I don't remember what my user name was on there.I spent a lot of time reading posts and found comfort there. It's been a while since I looked on YWBB, and was surprised that it was not there, but I'm glad this site is available. I'm nine years out now, and my children are almost all grown up.I don't really know what else to say right now. I just wanted to say hello and introduce myself.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Sirin on September 15, 2016, 09:31:24 AM
Hi everyone. I'm Sirin.  I found this site through random Internet searching, and glad I did.
I'm 32 years old.  I lost my husband (who was 33) to random heart attack/stroke (official cause of death is still pending) six weeks ago.  We've been together for eleven years (married for nine).  Didn't have any children, only dogs.  We were soulmates and best friends, it was always "us against the world", and now very suddenly it's just me. 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: yogamom72 on September 16, 2016, 09:57:05 PM
I am Tina.  My husband died on September 8, 2016, from liver failure and congestive heart failure.  He was 51 and I am 43.  We have 3 children ages 17, 13 & 11.  He had been sick since his diagnosis in March, 2016, but we were in and out of the hospital in July and August due to complications and various treatments.  We officially signed on with hospice on September 1, 2016 and he died in a hospice house a week later.

This is still very fresh and raw for my family.  My boys are each handling their grief differently and leaning on me a great deal for support.  I wouldn't have it any other way but it is exhausting.  I will resume full time work in a couple of more weeks so I anticipate that I will feel spread pretty thin.

I am hoping to find a local support group in my area so that I can meet other widows in real life.  I don't have the energy for that right now though and I think forums are a great alternative.

Thanks for adding me.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: calimom on September 16, 2016, 11:13:36 PM
Welcome, Sirin and Yogamom. So sorry for your losses and please know you'll find support here. Take care, things do get more manageable.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: JustLola on October 04, 2016, 12:20:37 AM
Hi all,

Nice to meet you, sorry we all have to be here. I'm Lola and brand new.

I lost my husband on March 28 of this year. I can still hardly type that sentence without tears. He had pancreatic cancer and died at age 52. Fourteen months from perfectly healthy person with a bright future, to someone who isn't here anymore. Since he passed, we've gotten through his birthday, our son's 16th birthday, and what would have been our 24th wedding anniversary. Our daughter's 20th is coming up next week. That's a lot to process in 6 months. As you all know, the "firsts" are hardest to endure.

Thanks for having this site.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Gussie on October 04, 2016, 03:30:06 PM
I am so very sorry for your loss. Your husband was much too young. Mine was 57 and it was a sudden death. Two years ago. At the time our son had just turned 13. Nothing easy or fair about it. I feel for you and am wishing you peace and strength.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: JustLola on October 11, 2016, 12:35:39 AM
Thank you, Gussie. I'm so sorry for your loss and that of your son. What a tough time to lose his Dad.

Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Adley on October 31, 2016, 12:10:19 PM
Hello everybody, I wish I'd found this site long ago. Thank you all for sharing your stories and encouraging words.  Jessica was my lover and best friend. We were together eight years and married almost five.  On our fourth wedding anniversary she was diagnosed with cervical cancer.  We knew we could beat it, she was vibrant and athletic and a natural born scrapper.  We did everything the doctors said, and chemo withered her away. She died in a Boston hospital seven and a half months later. I was right there with her.  Our children were two, three, and five. The dreams, the sadness, the anger, the loneliness, I hear you all loud and clear.  The ring, the bed, crazy comments, photos, triggers, children, lost careers, the hope, thank you all so much for sharing. You all have given me hope.  To the newly widowed- just hold on for a while. Eventually you will find yourself smiling over some small thing without realizing it. Not every day at first, and maybe not for long, but it will happen and become more frequent. You can do this, there are genuine people here who have been through a similar situation. Sending you all the best, Adley.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Mary3k on November 01, 2016, 10:07:09 PM
HI,
I'm new here :). I lost my husband in May of 2013 after an extended illness -- but he committed suicide after he got out of the hospital. The story is too long to share right now. But, I was so angry and hurt that I got remarried in 2014. Well, that turned out to be a disaster --Talk about learning how to recover from to deep emotional blows at the same time.  I think my friends an family are tired of my drama.  Personally, I am tired of my drama too!  I just can't wait for my life to be "normal" again.  I was the wealthy soccer mom that "had it all" and it pretty much all blew up in my face. 

I am just sad now.  Honestly, I was so angry after Lance died that I didn't cry. I just "moved on". But now, that my ex-husband is out of the house, I miss Lance so very much.  It's like all the grief I had from him dying just erupted, and now I am just so sad and I miss him, every day, all the time.  The bad part is, that everyone else has moved on ... like 3 years ago... and I am just newly grieving again.  Nobody wants to hear about how sad I am because they "got over it" a few years ago.  I found this forum in hopes of being able to find an outlet to discuss my feelings without burning my friends and family out. Like I said, they are tired of my "man-drama". 

Thank you for giving me an outlet to express myself.  It is helpful to know that there is a place for me to talk to someone :).
Mary
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wheelerswife on November 02, 2016, 06:42:53 AM
Welcome, Mary.

I'm sorry that you have the circumstances in your life to qualify you to be a part of our club.  You are certainly welcome here and can vent to your heart's desire.  You bring your own story to the group that can also enlighten others, but we are also here to give you support.  Honestly, nobody knows how they will react to the loss of a beloved spouse or partner until it happens to them.  There are so many emotions surrounding our losses, and I imagine things are even more complicated when that person that you loved ended his own life.  That isn't my experience, but others here have lost spouses to suicide and can offer you a different kind of understanding.

I hope you feel comfortable here and telling your story as much as you feel comfortable.

Hugs,

Maureen
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Mary3k on November 03, 2016, 08:49:37 PM
Thank you. I appreciate your love and support. Life is definitely an interesting journey, isn't it? I have learned SO many lessons in life that I wish I could share with people. I seriously want to write a book -- about what NOT to do when your husband dies. haha. I can share TONS of what not to dos!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: pamtxmom on November 06, 2016, 09:30:56 AM
I am Pam, Paul’s wife, and mother of our two daughters (20 and 17 years). Paul and I met at our jobs more than 26 years ago.  We dated for 3 years, and lived together for 3 years before marrying. With our oldest in college and the youngest a junior in high school, we were starting to plan retirement. Paul has been my everything for more than 26 years.

We celebrated our 20th anniversary in February of 2016.  He gave me a beautiful gold heart set with emeralds (my birthstone).  He totally surprised me with that.  I was still working on his gift (an album of our 20+ years together).  I had planned to give it to him at Christmas. Now that opportunity is gone forever.

My husband and I were older when we had our children and we poured a lot of our energy into them.  (Our daughters are 20 and 17) He had a son from a previous marriage too and spent time helping him with working on car engines and building projects.

He loved taking our daughters to museums and teaching them about history.  When we traveled, we always stopped at state capitols.  My husband only lacked two (Alaska and Maine) to have been to all 50 State Capitols.  My husband did dance recitals with the girls when asked to, and he took them to the Daddy Daughter Dance at our local rec center every February.

My husband also volunteered in the community: he donated blood as often as they called him; he loved to volunteer at charity golf events, marathons, professional sporting events and our local historical museum.  He got one of his bucket list wishes a couple of years ago when he volunteered for the half time crew at the Super Bowl when they played in Dallas. He helped move the pieces of the stage on and off the field.

My husband swam 5 days a week at the natatorium and went walking/cycling every day at the local rec center. He saw his Dr. every month to monitor his blood pressure and cholesterol.

Early on the morning of Oct. 19th Paul woke me up and said he thought he was having a stroke, and that he hurt all over. He told me he had already taken an aspirin.  I got up and called 911 and got dressed and unlocked the door while we waited for them.  Emergency arrived and prepped him for the ambulance ride and asked if I wanted to go with them.  I said no, I’d drive myself.  I regret that decision. But I had no idea he’d never come home.

My husband Paul died just 3 hours after he woke me up, of a dissecting aortic aneurysm, at the age of 63.

I am devastated. Our daughters are devastated.  We chose to celebrate his life rather than have a funeral or memorial service. We gathered in the Old Church at the historical park where he volunteered and played his favorite Willie Nelson song, “Angel Flying too Close to the Ground” and told stories about him.

I am moving slowly through the days trying to take care of the “business” of death. I cry all the time and am exhausted at the end of every day. I keep waiting for Paul to call and tell me when he’ll be home. The emptiness is all around me. But, I keep moving forward for our daughters’ sakes.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Julester3 on November 06, 2016, 01:22:09 PM
Hugs Pam, I know the feeling all too well. Try to have a good day today.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: SimiRed on November 06, 2016, 07:37:01 PM
Pam,

I am so heartbroken that you have to be a member of a group that none of us ever wanted to be a member of.  You are a great friend, I am so sorry for you loss, but happy you have found your way here. 

There is a great amount of support here, we all understand the road of grief and all the pain that goes with it.

Paul was a wonderful man, great husband and father.  You make him proud everyday.

{{{Hugs}}}
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Mikenter on November 13, 2016, 10:23:09 PM
I'm Michael, Miranda's Husband. I'm 23, she was 21 on November 7, 2016. It's been near seven days. We met August 2013, started dating October 2013 (on Halloween actually), and got married May 16, 2014. A friend of mine suggested I look into forums knowing me all too well. You will find me in chat nearly 24/7 and I get notifications on my phone if you mention my name.

Details of her passing are in my journal post http://widda.org/index.php/topic,2833.0.html (http://widda.org/index.php/topic,2833.0.html).

I'll be straight. I don't know how else to introduce myself other than that. I'm terribly bad at this.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: perrine18 on November 28, 2016, 09:50:02 AM
Hello All,

My name is Eric, I'm 26 years old, and I lost my 25-year-old wife almost 3 months ago. She was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer in July 2015. She immediately started chemo therapy at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. She completed her chemo in December. In January 2016, she had a double mastectomy, lymph nodes where the cancer had spread were also removed. She then completed 6 weeks of proton beam radiation therapy. At the end of March, she was cancer free. She continued to recover at home until our wedding and honeymoon in June. In July 2016, she started to experience terrible headaches. Two lesions were found in her brain. She had surgery to remove both lesions. It was too late, though. The cancer later spread to her brain and spinal cord. She passed away on September 10, 2016. She was the love of my life, and it hurt every day that I had to watch her be sick. Moving forward without her continues to hurt more than I could have imagined. In May, we went on a "Parade of Homes" tour where we live in ND. We planned to start saving for our home. Everything we had ever dreamed of is gone now. 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wheelerswife on November 28, 2016, 04:59:36 PM
Hello, Eric.

I'm so sorry for your loss.  You have endured so much in just over a year's time.  I hate that your dreams have been shattered at such a young age.  As you already know, this is a very painful time.  You have barely had time to breathe.  Your friends likely have no concept of how you feel and how much pain you are enduring.  Grief can be a very lonely place.

I hope that you are eating some, drinking water, getting sleep when you can, and taking comfort from people around you.  Right now, it is sometimes enough to just get through one day at a time.  If you think too far into the future, you can get overwhelmed.  I assure you, though, that you will survive this.  I doubt you can see that possibility sometimes, but hang onto the knowledge that there are many of us who have lived this incredible pain and find the capacity to go on and eventually feel fulfilled again.

I am almost three years out from the loss of my second husband and although I don't have everything together yet, things are starting to fall into place.  I'm making a career change and finishing a master's degree and plan on making a move back to the east coast from the center of the country.  I could not have done this 3 years ago, but school has given me purpose and structure and that has helped me accomplish more than I expected.

I hope you can find something on which you can focus and keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Keep coming here.  You are not the only very young person here.  Those on a similar time frame will understand you best.  Don't be afraid to reach out to anyone here with whom you feel some kind of connection.  Some of my best friends are those I met on this board and its predecessor.

Hugs to you,

Maureen
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: pigsCANfly on December 04, 2016, 11:19:25 PM
I'm the same pigsCANfly from YWBB...For some reason, just recently, I've had several friends of friends become widowed and I've sent them here...and until they noticed, not realizing I had never introduced myself and likely never commented. I'm very appreciative that some folks were able to set this up again; I think it will continue to be a lifeline for many.

I found the YWBB shortly after my Tommy was killed in a car crash in May of 2010, within sight of our then-five year old son. His fatal accident followed a string of near-misses that in retrospect seemed like trial runs. Nothing he did to himself, just the universe's way of preparing me, I guess. (Side note: the universe really sucks at the whole preparation thing. The rug was pulled out, I was on my ass, I was devastated. I still am in many ways).

At the time, I felt I didn't belong at YWBB because I wasn't feeling or experiencing or coping with my grief like ANYONE who was about the same time out as I was (3 months). It was another year before I came back, and actually I went to chat before I ever posted. I realized then that not everyone's timeline will be, or even SHOULD be, the same--but because I didn't understand that the first time, I didn't understand why the way *I* was coping was "wrong" according to the timelines of others. (Side note #2: Do not allow others to rate or judge YOUR journey. Listen to them about theirs, but yours is YOURS.)

The second time, I was purchasing a house, moving, going through all of his jun--er, I mean fabulous finds, and it was not only helpful at that point to me to hear about how others were dealing with doing these things, regardless of how far out they were, but I was able to learn from others who seemed to find my somewhat unorthodox comments and approach helpful, as had not been the case the first time I came on. There were wids with whom I connected (awesome men and women who are still friends!!) and those with whom I didn't--also amazing, but no second date so to speak LOL--and to you newbies, please know that this is OK--you will meet many different folks here, and my best advice is to stick with the ones who get you (and vice-versa), regardless of the length of time you or they have been widowed.

When the YWBB shut down I was a very infrequent visitor. I didn't copy any old posts, didn't even go on to read any. Once it was done it was done--didn't need to go back and feel it again. My particular mode of coping with my grief then (and pretty much now, still) is to just do it--if you can look it in the eye and kick its ass at any moment, even just for a second, do it. If you need to choose to have a stay-in-bed grief day where it comes and goes as it pleases, choose to. (Side note #3: If you want to scream and cry and break plates, I have some an ex in-law gave me that I will ship for free! Doesn't work for everyone, but it worked for me).

Being here--it's because of an awful ending to our stories--however, it is a new beginning for each of us as well. Birth is painful and can be complicated--this is no different. You will likely become a changed person, with different views and different feelings. You may not recognize yourself some days. That's normal. As many folks have written in this thread, grief does change, it does get better--perhaps incrementally, perhaps only temporarily...but the better times get better, and they come closer and closer together and last longer and longer...and the bad, well, they kind of stay the same, but they do tend to get further apart and don't hang on quite as long as that broccoli smell when you forget you have it in the fridge.

Please try to be patient and kind with yourself, and HONEST with yourself to the best of your ability. Don't be afraid to ask for help, and don't be afraid to give it.  BUT---

THIS is the best advice: drink lots of water. It works for pretty much everyone, every time.

pCf

PS Sometimes the water thing works better after being part of an aging or fermentation process!





Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wheelerswife on December 04, 2016, 11:50:16 PM
Welcome back, pCf.

Maureen
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: RobFTC on December 05, 2016, 07:54:51 AM
Hey Sam-you-are, welcome back!

Take care,
Rob T
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: SailOn on December 06, 2016, 03:45:40 PM
Hi, I'm Jeff and my wife died last week.
I'm a little older than some/many of you; I'm 52. The other sites I've been to, however, have way too many people who are so much older than usthan me that I don't identify with the members at all.

I have 2 grown children. One is here, the other in a city pretty far away. I work from home. My wife had been home with me. There is no one to talk to during the day, no one to take a coffee break with. Aside from that, today has been a good day. I'm just trying to establish the new normal.

Karen wasn't sick for very long. She had what appeared to be food poisoning. After 10 days of throwing up, she agreed to go to the doctor. He found nothing wrong and said if she wasn't better by Monday, go to her regular doctor. On Saturday she was worse, on Sunday she was in awful shape. I took her to the ER and she was septic, in acute renal distress, her liver was failing. They did a CT scan and found she had an incarcerated hernia. Transfer to another hospital ICU, dialysis overnight, surgery in the morning. All seemed to go well, the nurse told me to go home and get some rest. Three hours later he called and said to get there right away. She aspirated. That led to a ventilator, a rotoprone bed, and transfer to another hospital for ECMO. During the transfer, her heart stopped, but they got it going again. After another week, she seemed to be doing better; the doctor was talking to us about the long term treatment plan. Then they did a CT scan of her brain. Severe brain damage incompatible with life. We don't know when it happened. In three weeks we went from planning Thanksgiving (her favorite holiday) to sitting shiva. It has been a whirlwind.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wheelerswife on December 06, 2016, 09:55:36 PM
Hi, Jeff.

Welcome to our little family.  I'm sorry you had to join us, but glad you found us so quickly.  There are some unfortunately young people here, but you are not alone in being in your early 50's.  I received my first ticket to join this club at 47 and my second ticket 4 1/2 years later at 51.

You have been surrounded by family and friends during shiva and you may not have had an opportunity to let this all sink in.  You may still be in shock.  Hold to your family and friends and take advantage of any help they may offer.  Some of the Jewish rituals for mourning may comfort you and remind those around you that you are grieving and need support.  I hope your community stays close to you if this is helpful.

Remember to drink water, eat when you can, sleep when you can, and never be afraid to come here and ramble, vent, or just simply find a place to express what is on your mind.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved Karen.

Maureen

Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: swilson on December 07, 2016, 06:18:35 AM
Hey Jeff, I'm sorry you suddenly lost your wife and welcome you as a fellow 50ish widower. The holidays can amplify the pain of loss so as Maureen says, remember to take care of yourself. {Bro hug}
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: widowwithbaby on December 10, 2016, 10:32:49 PM
My name is Camila.  On June 1, 2016 my husband Shah was shot and killed while driving for Lyft. You can Google it, it was all over the news. We had just celebrated our 3 year anniversary since our first date. Our daughter had just turned one.
When we met, he hardly spoke any English, but we fell in love and he moved here from Iran. We had been married for over two years and he had a joyful confidence about the future. It's still hard to believe a random carjacking ended our dreams.
I got on this site because it's getting harder, not easier. The holidays really remind you that you are no longer anyone's priority.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wheelerswife on December 10, 2016, 11:00:53 PM
Hi, Camila,

I'm so sorry for your tragic and unnecessary loss.  I'm glad you found this site.  It helps to be in a place where others understand the some of your heartache.  I have experienced first holidays twice...they were very hard to me, too.  Even when I am surrounded by other family, there isn't anyone who knows the heartbreak I feel. 

I don't know the same kind of senseless tragedy that you have experienced, but I know both anticipated and unexpected loss of a spouse.  I would hug you if I could and sit and let you talk about your beautiful Shah.  I hope you find comfort here as well as a place to scream and rant and also connect with others who are hurting , too.

Hang in there.  We do eventually breathe again, but it takes time.

Hugs,

Maureen
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: cassandra on December 11, 2016, 07:41:52 PM
Reintroducing myself.

I joined YWBB in March 2008 when my husband passed unexpectedly.  I read the site constantly, refreshing pages over and over to see the latest replies from everyone.  The Newly Widowed forum was a godsend for me as I tired to make sense of my new life. 

It felt like such a sense of accomplishment (in a strange way) to "graduate" to Shock Wears Off then to Beyond the First Year . . . even dipping my toes into Beyond Active Grieving to see where I hoped to be at some point.  I even posted occasionally.  You guys were amazing at being able to understand, commiserate and even laugh at the absurdity of life as a (no longer so) young widow.   

I tried going to some local 'bagos, but there were not that many in my area and then I started feeling like I was too far along to attend the ones that did happen.

I am now just about nine years out.  I remember someone posting on BAG (Teal, I think) who was almost that far out when I started.  I could not imagine being able to get there, but here I am.  I am still trying to figure out this new life.  Sometimes my progress is slower than people want (don't even get me started on my parents' plot to set me up on a blind date); but it's my life, not theirs.

Thank you to everyone who restored the website.  When I realized YWBB was gone, I really felt the loss and am so appreciative to those of you who worked so hard to bring it back.  Is there a way to bring back the content of the old site?  I tried the Wayback Machine but very few pages were archived.

Cassandra
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: beth_krkswidow on December 21, 2016, 04:27:29 PM
I joined a few months ago, but never officially "introduced" myself here.  Mostly because I feel like I may be an illegal stowaway.  I have searched and searched to try and find a place where it specifies the criteria for "young widow" forum.  I feel like a "young" widow, but you all may not agree.  I meet with a "Young Widow" Grief Group.  Their criterion is under 65.  I fall well within that range.  When I joined I was 58; have had a birthday so am now 59.  I hope you will accept me anyway.
Christmas will be 7 months.  I have gotten no better.  People do not believe that.  You MUST be better.  Oh, really?  Must I?  Jump into my skin.  The Love of My Life, My Raison d'etre, My Honey, is gone.  Gone.  They don't get it.  He's not an old pair of jeans that I threw out.  He was my Whole Self.  Not my better half. He was my whole self.  I wrote a blog on our 28th anniversary, which was 2 days after his death.  It was written on a Christian blogging site to which we both belong.  If you are interested, it is here:
https://www.christianblog.com/blog/blest/sleep-peacefully-my-love/

He was in the hospital but he was supposed to come home the NEXT DAY.  I didn't go see him his last day alive, because I had a migraine.  The hour and a half drive to the hospital just seemed like too much with a migraine.  And he told me not to come.  He didn't sound right on the phone.  I kept calling his nurse and telling her he didn't sound right.  She kept telling me his vitals were fine.  And he was coming home the next day.  He is FINE. 

And at 2 am I got The Phone Call. 

I am so mad at myself for not going.  At the nurse for not listening to me.  At the hospital for not getting into his room until his heartbeat was so low they couldn't bring him back...

At almost 7 months, I still cannot believe he is gone and never coming back.

I am so very thankful for this site and for the members here who don't argue with me when I say I'm doing horribly.  "oh, no, you're doing much better.  You look great!".  Aarrgghh. 

Anyway, a belated introduction and thanks for being here.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: RyanAmysMom on December 29, 2016, 12:17:37 AM
I'm Jennifer, Mom to Ryan (16) and Amy (13), Widow of David. 
David and I were married for almost 20 years, before he passed away in July, 2015.  David was born with significant heart and lung defects, and underwent multiple heart surgeries as a child, but was thriving in adulthood.  When we met, he explained to me that he had a "less-than-normal life expectancy," but we were perfect together.  I felt "called" to be his wife, and I knew I wouldn't have him until we were "old" but he was worth the chance.  Over the years, David's health declined.  I was becoming more and more the care-giver, and less the wife..... 

We were on family vacation in 2015 and I had taken the kids to play, and he collapsed.  His heart had finally just had enough.  I wasn't naive - I knew he wasn't well - but I thought we'd have a few more years....  I completely expected his decline to be gradual....

He was 44 when he passed - I was 43...  So now it's been nearly 18 months, and I'm still grieving... not completely surrounded by the "fog of grief" that was so heavy the first year, but still actively grieving - I had intellectually dealt with being a young widow, but had never really considered how much it would affect me emotionally....  and I deal with guilt about having children knowing that they wouldn't have a dad for long.... 

I find that the word I'm living with and fighting against is "loneliness".....  Even with my career and my kids around, and my family close, I find that I'm longing for intimacy, closeness, affection, companionship - I don't know if I'm really ready to date again - but as I see my friends thriving, and living....  I am wondering... 

Anyway - that's me and where I'm at...... 

Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: wecouldbeheros on December 30, 2016, 04:31:18 PM
I'm Scott. I found this site as from the advise of a nice lady, who introduced me. Sorry I thought I would forgo the formalities of an official introduction. Truth be told I haven't been the same since my wife passed of causes I will post perhaps another time. Anyway, her name was Karina. A stunning beautiful lady with a zest for life I've never seen before, and most assuredly will never have the time or chance to find again. It's been 5 years. Wish I found this site earlier. I've pretty much exhausted all other avenues to be able to talk about her. She had an extended family (with mine). I used to call her "sparkler". I hope that I can be able to post without too much reservation. Anyway, Hi !
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: wecouldbeheros on December 30, 2016, 04:34:25 PM
You all seem pretty nice, hoping to find some new friends.
: ))))
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wheelerswife on December 30, 2016, 05:39:55 PM
Welcome Scott!

Thanks for joining in and giving your perspective.

Maureen
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: MACC on December 31, 2016, 09:25:51 AM
Hi I'm Macc. My husband died suddenly in April 2014 at the age of 41. He had a tear in the basilar artery (at the time we were unaware of)that caused him to have a brain aneurysm and stroke. Within a weeks time I had to make the hardest decision of my life and then tell our kids who were 4 and 6 that their dad died. I joined Widda in October 2015 and have been an occasional visitor and silent observer. I am so grateful for those that share. Recently I have become a frequent visitor and have taken the plunge and started sharing and participating. I guess I'm finding myself going through a tough patch and find this site is so helpful. Thanks to everyone!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: WarriorModeMom on January 09, 2017, 09:22:03 PM
My name is Lesley.  My husband of nearly 18 years lost his 16 month battle to cancer three months ago.  We were hopeful that one of the clinical trials would keep this aggressive cancer at bay.  But none of the treatments worked.  Nothing worked.  To watch such a brilliant, disciplined and determined man wither away before my eyes was heart-wrenching, to say the least.

He was being treated at Memorial Sloan-Kettering for most of last year. We have two tween daughters.  For the girls and me, our day-to-day lives are the same as they have been since March of last year – starting and ending the day without him here.  We just know he isn’t coming home for a long weekend this time…..  Because our daily routines have been the same (except for the three weeks he spent in home hospice) I don’t think it has truly hit us yet.

I have been in warrior mode since June of 2015.  Not survival mode, because to me, that just means barely hanging on by a thread.  But I also know that a good warrior knows when to let other tribe members help to mend and polish the shield.  Thankfully, we have an extraordinary tribe.  Our family couldn’t have managed without the faculty and families of the girls’ school; the hospice grief counselor; our church; as well as our longtime, all around good friends.

I have learned to say “yes” and “thank you” when friends ask if they can help in any way.  One good friend is a comic book illustrator.  When he asked if he could help, I told him I needed a muse; a warrior I could see in comic book form.  She is my profile pic. 

My husband was the strict disciplinarian.  I had been letting the girls have a bit more iPad and tv time.  But I’ve just found out that they have mostly shut down at school (since December and not much has changed since returning last week).   I guess I’ve shut down a bit, as well.  By allowing them more electronics time, I’ve been able to zone out, too.  I know we’ll get through this wilderness, but it won’t be easy.

Thank you for listening.  I look forwarding to getting to know my fellow warriors here.  I know I will learn a lot from you all; gleaning nuggets of wisdom and guidance.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: kaleighmorgan13 on January 26, 2017, 05:58:14 PM
I'm Kaleigh. My fiancé was killed instantly in a car wreck on December 19, 2016.

No warning. No chance to say goodbye. No nothin.

I am lost.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: momof2obs on January 30, 2017, 01:53:20 PM
Hello, I'm Linda.  My husband lost his brave fight against cancer on Halloween morning.  We had celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary four days earlier as he lay in hospice.  He was 50 years young (I just turned 49 last week and am left wondering what to expect next)  I have two children (13 & 11) and my focus has been primarily helping them with the loss of their father.  I have to say that since he was sick most of 2016 and in hospice the final five weeks of his life, they at least had the opportunity to say their goodbyes.

I stumbled across this site and am grateful I did as I see that there are others who are experiencing what I have been going through.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wheelerswife on January 30, 2017, 02:17:55 PM
Hi, Linda,

Welcome to our club.  I'm sorry you had to pay the price of admission.  I'm glad you found us - we really do understand what you are experiencing.  I don't have children myself, but I was widowed at 47 (and again at 51).  If you are like me, I spent hours reading on the precursor to this site after I lost my first husband.  It was helpful to know that what I was experiencing was normal.

Try to take care of yourself and take help when it feels comfortable.  Read and post...and hug your kids if they will let you!

Hugs,

Maureen

Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Nicky11 on February 02, 2017, 04:19:14 PM
Hi, I'm Nicky. My husband was on a deployment to Afghanistan and returned with a backache just about a year ago. He was sent to a chiropractor, physical therapy, pain management. He was a soldier for over 20 years. Soldiers get backaches. We never thought... His doctor finally sent him for imaging and we found out on May 13th that he had a metastatic tumor on his spine. Although he had numerous tests and biopsies, his primary cancer wasn't found and we spent the last three and a half weeks of his life in the ICU. He passed on August 11, 2016.

The army moved me back to our hometown. We had just purchased our house a few months before Brian passed, planning to spend a couple years fixing it up before he retired.

Time is a weird thing. In a little over a week it will be six months... and it still feels like yesterday.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Julester3 on February 02, 2017, 06:31:49 PM
So sorry Nicky you have to join us here. I am sure the frustration for you is going through all the medical paces to find his problem for so long before really finding the cancer. It must have been hard to watch him those last few weeks. We are here for you. Time is funny in our position. I know it's changing and progressing but it just seems like yesterday my husband went to tennis and just died. I think we function in a time vacuum. I'm 10 months out and I don't know how I got here. Hugs for you today.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: WarriorModeMom on February 11, 2017, 09:38:20 PM
Linda,

I am so sorry about your loss.  My husband was also 50.  He died last  October after a year and a half battle with cancer. Our girls are 12 and almost 10.

My mother-in-law lives on LI and we historically visit every summer and Christmas.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: jgib on March 30, 2017, 12:31:07 PM
Hello, I'm Joan.
I am not sure if I fit in the ' young widow ' category but I don't feel old yet!
My husband was killed in a farming accident just over 3 years ago now.  He was only 46..... Because we worked for other people, managing their cattle properties, I not only lost the man I loved with all my heart, I lost my home and way of life.
I have been finding me again, as an individual and not part of a team.  I like me.
The anniversary this year, Jan 31, was the toughest yet I think.  Maybe because I am less numb now.  I am living for me now and it is interesting.  We never had kids so I am truly on my own.
I have been lurking here for a bit and thought it was time to introduce myself.  :).
 Hello all....
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: PeaceLoveLinny on March 31, 2017, 10:45:14 AM
Hello, I'm Lindsay. 
My husband passed away suddenly from a congenital heart defect on June 25th, 2016; He was only 37.  Matt and I had been together since I was 17.  We were married for almost 11 years before his passing and have 3 beautiful children.   I always knew that there was a chance he would be taken from me too soon, but I was not prepared, at 34, to be a young widow, explaining to my three small children that their father was gone.  It's been 9 months now.  The grief comes in waves for me and my children.  It's so hard.  But, we wake up each day and keep moving forward.  I was glad to find this group. 
That's the basics.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: WifeLess on March 31, 2017, 01:27:09 PM
jgib and PeaceLoveLinny,

Welcome to Young Widow Forum. I hope you will find a measure of comfort knowing that there are many of us traveling the same difficult road you are on.

Sorry for the tragic losses that brought you here.

--- WifeLess

Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: RyanAmysMom on March 31, 2017, 09:08:27 PM
PeaceLoveLinney - I, too, lost my husband to congenital heart defect in July of 2015.  I'm sorry to hear of your loss. 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Winnie on April 01, 2017, 09:17:40 PM
Hi.. I hope I'm posting this the right way. I've been a widow for three years now. My husband was 49 when he died and I was 46. We have two children who are now 25 and 20. He fought a valiant battle against lung cancer for 10 months before he died in our bed. My children and I holding him. I've never posted on any message boards. I write musings on my notes on my phone to get out my feelings. It's been theee years and I still feel stuck in quicksand. Only people who have known a partners loss can understand this. Life goes on. My friends and co workers have gone on. Since my husbands death I have had to catastrophic illnesses. Respiratory failure and coma after a surgery that necessitated a 6 month hospital stay, and 3 months ago I had a pulmonary aneurysm. Another 3 weeks in hospital, intubated and feeding tube. I am better and back to work but needless to say my children and I are traumatized, overwhelmed and angry.In three years time our whole world was upended. I miss my husband with an ache deep in my very being as my children miss their father with a fierce intensity. Everyone around me thinks I am "strong, brave & resilient @. They are wrong.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: James on April 01, 2017, 10:41:28 PM
Quote
Only people who have known a partners loss can understand this.

We understand this.  The forum where you tell someone: "It sucks that you are here" and you reply: "Thank you."

I've only been here a short while but just writing posts and people taking the time to read them and respond, people who are the only ones who CAN understand, has been a big help.  Just write what you need.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Winnie on April 02, 2017, 11:13:16 AM
Thank you💗.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: MissingBilly on April 03, 2017, 03:11:37 PM
Hi,

I posted a reply elsewhere, but decided to officially introduce myself.

I've actually been lurking for a number of months, because when DH was diagnosed with cancer last year, it was very very unlikely that he'd beat it. He was sick for about nine months.

He was 55, I'm 50, and never had kids, by choice, and were each best friends, by a mile. He worked evenings, so we didn't really see each other except on weekends, but we messaged each other constantly. Worked at the same place for many years. Didn't really see that many friends socially, because when we had time available, we really just wanted to be with each other. Definitely textbook introverts.

So, needless to say, I am terrified about how I am going to do without him. I am functioning pretty well three weeks in--things that need to get done are getting done, and I am very lucky that we had done all of our estate planning and gotten all of our ducks in a row and so there is very little I have to worry about right now.

Other than the prospect of living without the man who meant everything to me. I'm also without my mother since a few years ago, so I've gone from a life where I had everything exactly the way I would have wanted it to what feels like a smoking blast crater. I'm also one who tends to withdraw, so the friends buzzing about are making me anxious. :)

I'm trying to not think ahead, and just pay attention to what's in front of me, but that's generally not how this brain works. But I truly have no clue what my future will bring--we were getting ready to cut back on working, so my job doesn't really hold much interest (x2 given that we both worked there). Our hobbies were so intertwined, so it's hard to think about what I might throw myself into.

I believe I will be okay eventually, but for now I'm just bewildered and numb and guilty and so sad that we didn't get more time, while also so very thankful for the time we had together. That we managed to find each other was an amazing stroke of luck--we were just so perfect for each other, everyone has always said so.

That is my rambling hello. Thanks for being here.

Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wheelerswife on April 04, 2017, 04:10:37 PM
So, needless to say, I am terrified about how I am going to do without him. I am functioning pretty well three weeks in--things that need to get done are getting done, and I am very lucky that we had done all of our estate planning and gotten all of our ducks in a row and so there is very little I have to worry about right now.

I'm trying to not think ahead, and just pay attention to what's in front of me, but that's generally not how this brain works. But I truly have no clue what my future will bring--we were getting ready to cut back on working, so my job doesn't really hold much interest (x2 given that we both worked there). Our hobbies were so intertwined, so it's hard to think about what I might throw myself into.

I believe I will be okay eventually, but for now I'm just bewildered and numb and guilty and so sad that we didn't get more time, while also so very thankful for the time we had together. That we managed to find each other was an amazing stroke of luck--we were just so perfect for each other, everyone has always said so.

That is my rambling hello. Thanks for being here.

I can relate to much of what you have said here.  I joined this club when I was 47 and renewed my membership when I was 51.

My first husband died after a long and protracted decline and we had all of our ducks in a row, too.  But I went from very busy to having so little to do...and that was hard.

It can be really hard not to focus on the future in the early weeks and months.  Somehow, we really want to know where life will go.  My experience is that I really could not have predicted the twists and turns that came.  No matter what, we still have to live in the here and now...and for those of us who don't have children to take care of, that often means that we sit with our aloneness quite a bit.  In my experience, that has been a necessary part of integrating the reality that he (well, they now) are really gone.

I'm glad you recognize that in time, you will be okay.  Life will be different...how could it not be?  Even though I knew this first hand because I had lost my first husband, it still wasn't very comforting after I lost my second husband.  So... don't worry if you can't convince yourself that those words are true.

It was an honor to have been the wife of my husbands.  I would do it all again, even knowing the outcomes.  Am I sad?  Very much so.  But I have to also be hopeful that life has more to offer that will bring me satisfaction and happiness.

Hugs,

Maureen 
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: LynnJoyce on April 08, 2017, 06:01:22 PM
I'm Lynn. I lost my dear David six year ago on 25 April, 2011.  He died of leukemia, 24 hours after his diagnosis.  He was 47 and it was shock.  He was my rock, my co-parent of my then 12 year old son and the mentor and advisor to my daughter, just entering college. He was such a good dad; though he wasn't their biological father, he so wanted to be a father and a husband.  We miss him every day. 

YWBB helped me through those first difficult years.  Now, looking at the anniversary coming up, I'm feeling the loss yet again. It's been a hard year for me, with breast cancer and several surgeries and having to tell people I'm fine, no, really!  Because you're not supposed to deal with stuff like this alone. But really, you have to, because people say things but don't really want to help.

There are things I want to do: find a better job, with less stress.  Find more friends and a happier life. Figure out how to happy, productive and engaged in creative work. And many days, I'm not sure if that's possible to find.  But I will keep looking.  Despair is the enemy and the deceiver.   Things do change; it's up to me to make sure I'm ready for the next thing. :)

Good to find this place again. Hope I can be helpful. ~Lynn

Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Love2fish on April 13, 2017, 08:56:37 PM
I am Love2Fish.  Loved one woman for 35 years.  That love arrived at the finish line almost 5 years ago. 

I am not a young widower chronologically speaking .  I am just a year shy of being an octogenarian.  But I am a young widower in ways that I value higher than how many times I’ve been around the sun.

DW and I had the blessing of a year to say goodbye and to realize what a good thing we had all along.  We did that year right.  We did not do every year of our marriage right but we got the last one so right that it made me a better person.  A transcendental experience.  As the year went by I had to take on more and more chores, then caregiving.  During the year I had the unexpected side effect of feeling my heart grow.  It grew three sizes that summer.  I had never in my life imagined that I could love someone that much.  It was such a nice surprise.

Who would not want that again?  I've spent LOTS of the last 4+ years dating (POF, Match, OKCupid, SeniorPeople…) .  Looking for the chance to do it all one more time.  The dating has paid off!  I am seeing a lady that I introduce as “my last girlfriend”.

I know that many of you, 10 or 20 years younger,  don’t think the terms “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” sound right at your age.  I think the terms are appropriate and accurate.  Young love is young love no matter what your age is.

Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Lisa on April 14, 2017, 09:17:52 AM
Thanks for posting. Welcome.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: KatieMO on April 20, 2017, 06:15:24 PM
I'm KatieMO, I'm about six months out from when my husband passed in July 2016. We had only gotten married in 2013 so heh... it's been a bit much.

I'm a young widow, though not as young as most at 32 but still it's a bit of a whirlwind.

My husband Chris and I met in of all things World of Warcraft in 2010. Yes yes I know, I've heard all the chuckles before but it worked for us.

I lost him suddenly from a sub-dermal hematoma, no one knew he had been having brain bleeds over a period of time and ... the last one was it. There was no coming back from it.

I'm still panicky, anxious, depressed, utterly and hopelessly terrified about what is going to happen and have bad days and just... it was good to see that there are others out there who know this feeling.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: FaithOverFear on May 25, 2017, 10:24:25 AM
Hello. I am SHerbster. My love of 30 years died suddenly at the age of 47. Going from a smile, a wink and an "I love you" to death before my eyes is just as heartbreaking today as that horrible day. It will be 2 years in July and I am beginning to feel myself going backwards in my grief, rather than continuing forward. I have hopes that this site will encourage me to continue this unwanted journey the best I can.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wheelerswife on May 25, 2017, 12:12:55 PM
Welcome, SHerbster.

It is hard to lose our loves, eh?  I lost my second husband unexpectedly and my heart is broken, too.  Grief has a way of coming back and biting us in the butt sometimes.  We seem to get a grasp on the reality - we wrap our heads around the changes in our lives - we take steps forward - and then we find ourselves going backwards again.

We all have similarities as well as differences on this widow road.  I have been widowed twice and my experiences have been very different; but the one thing I know is that life does keep going in spite of our losses.  I have had to make changes I did not want to make to the life that I wished could have lasted forever.  There have been emotional upheavals along the way, but at the same time, I have persisted in getting myself re-engaged in the swirl around me.  I do it because the consequences of not living (sometimes it is just existing) are worse than what life would be like if I stayed in the hole.  I found happiness and a new direction after widowhood once and I am determined that I will find happiness again.  I do not want to live out the rest of my life with constant sadness and anxiety.  I'm not saying it is easy, but to me, it is necessary.  I am 3 years and 4 months out from losing my second husband.  I have taken an entirely different direction in my career and I am about to move to someplace new for a fresh start.  I know that the change will give me things to focus on besides loss. 

Sometimes, all we can do is put one foot in front of the other.  Eventually, we look back and see the progress we have made.  I needed to have very concrete ways to measure what I achieved.  I have 2 new degrees.  Each course, project, and semester was another step for me.  Every closet I emptied, every shelf I cleaned, every piece of paper I processed was another step.  Now...every job application is a step toward a new future.  Your situation is unique to you...perhaps you can make mental notes of what you have accomplished over the last almost 2 years and perhaps more notes on what you want to achieve in the coming months.  I often have to ruminate on what needs to get done for quite awhile before I can even get started.  For me...things did happen in time and what seemed impossible 2 years ago has been achieved, often with less effort that I expected because I eventually figured out when the time was right.

I'm rambling...I have a habit of doing that...but I wanted to welcome you and give you a virtual hug.  We get it here...you can say anything, really.  Read, post, vent, read some more.

Hang in there,

Maureen
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on May 25, 2017, 05:29:42 PM
Welcome SHerbster to the group nobody wants to join and I'm glad you found us. 
One thing you may come to learn quickly is that Maureen claims to ramble when all we get is her wise comforting words. 
We are all so different in our grief but I'd like to let you know at 2 yrs I was a mess.  I too found it even harder and felt like I was starting all over again.  I wasn't, it just felt like that at the time.  Baby steps, sometimes you don't even notice them right away.  Be gentle with yourself and do what you can.  Sometimes it felt like 2 steps forward 1 step back and other times it felt like 10 steps back and over time that too changed. 
Come back, read, post if you want.  We're all so different with a common journey that I felt like I didn't feel so alone in what I was going through which allowed me to not feel so crazy.  How crazy was that statement?  :)
Gentle hugs to you.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Nella on June 16, 2017, 08:12:28 PM
I am Nella and new here. My husband of 9 years was diagnosed in November 2016 with Liver Cancer and was gone by February. I am left with two girls ages 4 and 7 and have no adult family member in this country. I realized I was feeling worse as the weeks go by instead of better, but reading the posts here helped me understand it is very common to feel worse. Taking it a day at a time.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Dynagirl on August 29, 2017, 08:08:53 AM
Hi,
My name is Jess and I lost my partner Jamie in March 2016.  He went to work one morning and never came home.  On his way home that day he was involved in a road traffic accident.  He was put in a medically induced coma but his injuries were too severe and he passed away two weeks later on what would have been his 32nd birthday.  At the time of his death we had a three month old baby boy, Zac.  I felt numb for a long time after his died.  I didn't have the luxury of wallowing because I had the baby and at the time I was living in the UK and my parents were in Australia so didn't have their support.  Some people didn't understand how I was coping and I lost a lot of friends.  I didn't understand why he had the die and leave me to raise a baby on my own.  We should have been celebrating the best time of our lives but instead my maternity leave was tainted by what had happened.  Jamie's family and I had a massive falling out nearly a year ago now.  I felt like they didn't support me and Zac much after he died but after the fall out, it's like we don't exist (they didn't even acknowledge Zac's 1st birthday).  In the end, I decided to cut my losses.  I sold my (our) house, packed up Zac and our dog Foster and moved over to Western Australia to live with my mum.  I'm rebuilding things slowly.  I re-enrolled in university and am studying online.  I'm trying to make things better for myself and Zac.  A lot has changed and I feel like I'm ready to move forward but every day is still hard.  I don't think I'll ever get why Jamie had to die.  Sometimes I think that the stages of grief just wash over you, and sometimes I find that feelings just hit me like a ton of bricks.  Zac is 20 months now and he's amazing.  I'm just sad all the time.  Mainly because I just don't see an end to how things are now.  I want things to get better but it feels slow.  Anyway, this is a longer intro than I wanted, so sorry for the headache :-)
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wheelerswife on August 29, 2017, 08:19:09 AM
Please, no apologies, Jess.

We are here to listen, to have a place to tell your story, and to say all the things that other people don't understand.

I'm sorry you are a part of this club.  I'm sorry your beloved Jamie had to die and Zac does not know his dad.  Relationships with in-laws can be complicated.  Just remember that they are not themselves now, either, as they lost their son.  Of course, that does not mean you have to endure poor behavior from them.  Perhaps starting over again in Australia will be the best for both you and Zac.

I found that studying was good for me, too.  School work forced me to focus my attention, and that wasn't easy for me to do.

You are not the only young parent here who lost their partner.  Keep reading and you will find that even though in your real world, you are pretty alone, there are others in this virtual world who share a similar story.

Hugs,

Maureen
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: oneoftwo on August 30, 2017, 12:39:02 PM
Love2fish
when I think about what might have happened if I left my husband before he left me- I like to think he would would have your sentiments and thoughtfulness.

Now, I just need to find it for myself- without him
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Tsnre on September 25, 2017, 10:22:06 PM
Hi, I'm Sara..just joined the group. It's been 3months next week and it just doesn't seem real. We met 14 yrs ago at work and were a perfect match. I was alone by our 9th yr wedding anniversary with our two beautiful children who are only 2 and 6. Hard to fathom being a single parent to raise them on my own now. He was the kind of guy that would tell you exactly what he thought without holding anything back but he would also make sure that each person he loved felt like family. We just bought the home of our dreams last year, the place we wanted to raise our young family in. This is same house he grew up in and the same place we had our first kiss several years before. It was fate we thought, that it just happened to be on the market when we couldnt find anything else that fit what we wanted. We were so happy...how quickly life can change.
    We were at his parents new home having a usual Sunday family dinner when he decided he wanted to take out their atv for a ride up the road. When we heard the sirens and then ambulance coming up the road we knew it wasn't right..my heart sank, I knew it was for him. I drove up to the scene to find his body in a ditch. He had struck a telephone pole and died instantly at 35 yrs old. We had so many more memories to make. My heart is broken. I've had a hard time trying to deal with all the insurance and mess that needs to be taken care of on top of trying to find a new somewhat normalcy for me and my  babies.
   Someone told me I should look into this site to find others with similar situations. I have read  some threads and I can see that you will all help me with what I'm feeling just reading how others were able to cope
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on September 25, 2017, 11:25:45 PM
Sara, I'm so sorry for your loss. Yes it does feel unbelievable doesn't it. There are a lot of terrific people here that have helped me tremendously over the past four years. I hope you will find a bit of comfort and understanding here in this horrendous time for you and you children. Post as much as you want.
Hugs to you.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: donswife on September 26, 2017, 06:44:39 AM
Thank you for reaching out to this site
It will help as I know it has helped me more then I could have ever expected

I am so sorry to hear about your husband and his accident
Please just try and take it day by day and be gentle to yourself
this is all a shock to you and your children

Take Care
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: vickik13 on November 02, 2017, 09:19:42 PM
lost my hm 10 years ago... happily remarried. but you never move on from the loss.... v
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wheelerswife on November 02, 2017, 10:00:05 PM
Welcome, vickik13,

They stay with us, don’t they?   I’m sure you have some wisdom to offer our board.

Maureen
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: kjs1989 on November 03, 2017, 10:37:18 AM
Hi Sara,

I lost my husband of 23 years in an accident, too. He left to go duck hunting with several other guys on a dark, foggy October morning in 2012. Running late  and in a hurry to get to their duck blind, the boat driver struck a concrete channel marker in the Mississippi River. My husband was knocked unconscious  and drowned in three feet of water.

My kids were older, in their teens, but like you, the thought of suddenly becoming a solo parent was completely overwhelming. And dealing with all of the "business of death" issues was utterly brutal in the throes of grief.

I found the only way I could function was to just go literally one day at a time. I had no thoughts to the future at all, except survival. I did reach out very early on  to other widows and widowers further out than me who seemed to have found their way. That was one of the most beneficial things I could have done. I am still very grateful to those  who helped me and let me know the kids and I could survive this, because there was a period of time I truly thought I could not do it.

So here I am five years later. Still so surreal that this is my life. I am doing ok. The kids seem to be doing ok. I am in a relationship. Many really good things have happened to me  these past five years. I won't lie and say it has been easy. In fact, there has been some real heartache getting to this point. All three of my kids have had some sort of major life issue the past five years that I had to deal with on my own. I needed D so badly during those times. 

I feel like those 23 years with D was life A, and this is Life B. It is the hand I have been dealt and I am doing the best I can. I want to show my kids that we are going to make it, that life is still good and we need to try each day to to live the best life we can and find joy where we can. That has been my motivation and survival techinque.  I actually had depression issues on and off during my marriage, just the day to day life frustrations of dealing with kids, family, work, conflicts, pressures. Now, I wonder what the hell. I had such a charmed life. Talk about perspective!

Sara, I think you will find what works for you in healing.  It is different for everybody. I still have days where I want to fall to my knees and just quit, just be done. But I don't. I always hate when people say, " You are so strong. I couldn't do it"  Please, what choice do we have? We just bumble along and figure it out, and hopefully make good choices once the fog clears a bit.

Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Sherinohio on November 19, 2017, 07:48:30 PM
I'm here. I don't want to be. As all of you. I'm Sherrie and my DH died unexpectedly on August 6. He had some chest pain the week prior. I took him to the Dr. who said he'd had a heart attack and  made an appointment for a stress test 10 days later. She sent us home with meds for indigestion.  He died the 2 days later. This Friday would have been our 37th anniversary.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Julester3 on November 19, 2017, 08:05:12 PM
Hugs Sheri!
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: motski on December 02, 2017, 02:19:08 PM
Hi, I was a member of the old ywbb and posted under the name maureti. I decided to drop the reference to my wife and use a name and old friend use to call me.

I went to log onto the ywbb one day and found it was gone. I was unaware this one had started till a few months ago when I got an email from an old ywbb friend. Since then I have been reading some, looking to see how others have handled different life circumstances post widowhood, so I decided to introduce myself.

I use to post mainly in the special sections board as my wife died from a self inflicted gun shot wound to the head in October of 2009.  This year marked the point where she has been gone longer than we were together. I still think about her pretty often, but it is generally a pleasant memory triggered by something. Though occasionally there are still bouts of grief.

I have dated some and had a brief relationship. Maybe one day I there will be a love in my life. For now though I am working on personal growth, (it's tough growing up in your 50's), and entertaining my self with travel and spending time with my grand kids and friends.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Wheelerswife on December 02, 2017, 04:42:55 PM
Welcome back from another member of the class of 2009. Some of us from back that far are still around. I can’t say I’m growing  up in my 50’s but definitely stretching myself in new directions, even though I can’t necessarily define those directions!

Best wishes

Maureen
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: motski on December 08, 2017, 02:07:52 AM
Thanks for the welcome Maureen.
Title: Re: introduce yourself here
Post by: Nymets1986 on December 08, 2017, 05:27:21 AM
My husband had a heart transplant at the age of 24 20 years ago  at the Cleveland Clinic and started having health issues this past spring with arrithymias and urosepsis from a complication from a kidney stone. 

He was admitted on 11/15 and his kidneys started to shut down as he was retaining fluid. He went into cardiac arrest in the ICU and passed away on 11/25.  We have a 16 year old that Mike adopted from my first marriage and a son that is 9 that was very close.  The last few days leading up to Mike's death were hard as he was at the Cleveland Clinic but myself and the kids were at home 4 hours away :'(.