Young Widow Forum

Time Frame => Shock Wears Off, Reality Sets In ( 6 to 12 months) => Topic started by: robunknown on April 14, 2015, 09:54:49 AM

Title: Keeping dishonest In-Laws honest.
Post by: robunknown on April 14, 2015, 09:54:49 AM

Three days after DW passed, I changed the locks on my house to keep the MIL and SIL out. MIL because she has a sense of entitlement over everything she wants, and she just takes it. SIL because there were now cancer medications in the house that she would consider ?fair game?. I believe I was lucky I recognized this behavior before they ever took anything of value.

At first I felt guilty about changing the locks (no one knew I did this). A week and a half after I had changed the locks I had to tell my MIL in no uncertain terms that, ?I don?t want anyone in the house when I?m not there?, because she was trying to justify her future plans of ?Stopping by? while I was at work. Three days after I told her this I get a message at work on my voicemail saying she was on her way to my house to get something she needed and, ?She hopes I don?t mind?. Really? How do you not know that I DO MIND. Well she figured out pretty quickly I changed the locks.

6 months later, I am now getting rid of DW clothes and I asked my MIL and SIL if they wanted to come over to go through her clothes to pick out anything they wanted (something they have been asking about for 6 months). My DW?s best friend came over too and she told me later that the MIL and SIL took a head band and a funeral card that were on a table nearby, their justification to themselves was, ?he won?t mind?. I was never more than 20 yards away, they never asked. They will never be trusted around DW?s stuff.

I can?t say I?m surprised. I controlled where in the house they would be limited to. I knew anything in there could be stolen. You could say I gave them just enough rope to hang themselves with?. And they did. I don?t want them to know that I know because I want them to think they are smarter than me so they won?t try to change their tactics.

At the end of the day I feel empowered because I can see who they are and they have no clue.
Title: Re: Keeping dishonest In-Laws honest.
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on April 14, 2015, 04:43:21 PM
Wow, what is wrong with some people. I'm sorry your inlaws are so inconsiderate and thieves.
Ugh and hugs to you
Title: Re: Keeping dishonest In-Laws honest.
Post by: Wheelerswife on April 14, 2015, 04:55:21 PM
My BIL and MIL were not pleased that I did not want them in my house when I wasn't home.  This was around the time of the memorial service, and I was only going to be away from home for a few hours, mostly due to a doctor's appointment.  They are from out of state (Alaska and Wisconsin and I live in Kansas) and were staying at a hotel anyways.  I found later that my BIL did sneak a few small items out of my house that I would have given him, had he asked.  I started having panic attacks with people in my house and for that reason, I just needed to protect my home and my personal space.  I realize that all they really wanted was to have time in their son/brother's house, but they didn't take me up on the offer to come back once I got home.  I think they are still angry about it over a year later...but they are hundreds to thousands of miles away and fortunately, it doesn't impact me day-to-day.

Hugs,

Maureen
Title: Re: Keeping dishonest In-Laws honest.
Post by: Jess on April 22, 2015, 12:07:20 PM
I just got off the phone with a friend that also knows my MIL. Apparently, MIL has been hounding her to ask me for stuff. I have tried to cut off communication between MIL and myself for my own sanity, and it seems to be working since she is now bugging others.

As background, when LH was alive she helped him sell an old car of his to pay for our wedding. She kept the money that we had already budgeted for the wedding ($3000) and then threw a fit because we went to a restaurant instead of having a reception because we couldn't afford it and her bill included gratuity due to the size of our party. When LH went to buy a house, the credit check showed she had stolen his identity and allowed a card to charge off. When LH passed, people kept an eye on her in my home but she still managed to steal his Kindle. After a few months of others trying to get it back, she finally returned it and now she feels entitled to his old things. But, the thing is she does not understand all of his things are now my things and she has no right to any of it. I thank goodness right before he died she moved across the country. UGH!
Title: Re: Keeping dishonest In-Laws honest.
Post by: robunknown on April 22, 2015, 02:02:44 PM
Yikes Jess. Yeah I pick on my own mom, because she gets the "every now and then" call from the MIL asking all the in appropriate questions to:

-"What is he going to do with ...?"
-"Did he get any life insurance money?"
-"Did you know he changed the locks?"

My mom plays stupid and says, "I don't know.." Even though my mom is my go to person for all these issues.
Title: Re: Keeping dishonest In-Laws honest.
Post by: KrypticKat on February 06, 2017, 09:03:02 PM
@Robunknown

I feel for you. It's bad enough you've lost so much but now you have people coming into your life picking away at at like a bunch of vultures. Things got so bad with my MIL I started having nightmares that they were breaking into my home. Shirley really contact me now and fans interest in my well-being before giving me the grocery list of what else she think she deserves. I've learned over time to stand up to this politely and tell her I'm not ready to go through these things but it's a little ridiculous how they feel like they can come in like your having a f****** garage sale. There is no shame in protecting your home. I've learned your gut on these things is often telling you to do it for a reason.
Title: Re: Keeping dishonest In-Laws honest.
Post by: beth_krkswidow on February 07, 2017, 08:40:15 AM
Holy crap. I'm flabbergasted.  Truly. What species are these people? SO sorry you're going through this in addition to everything else