Young Widow Forum

Young Widow Forum => General Discussion => Topic started by: Lost35 on March 09, 2015, 03:00:56 PM

Title: Feeling Unsettled.
Post by: Lost35 on March 09, 2015, 03:00:56 PM
...With the move.  Thinking about all the old posts, people I haven't heard from for years.  Reintroductions and reliving the early days.  I'm feeling badly for the newly widowed and find myself back there a bit in my head, which is never a good thing.  All has been a bit off-kilter the past two days and I think it is just a bit of murky water, stirred up with the movement (and thank you for setting this up, Everyone who is working hard...please know I am grateful!)

It just feels a bit unsettling to think about the past so much.  Am I alone here, or is anyone else feeling similarly?  It almost feels like the days leading up to an anniversary for some reason, likely the same reason as above.

Take care, anyone else feeling the same.

-L.
Title: Re: Feeling Unsettled.
Post by: littlebirdie on March 09, 2015, 03:15:21 PM
Yes, and I was kind of caught off guard by it. I was lecturing myself this morning about being over emotional for the past couple of days, but then it occurred to me that it might be because of the upheaval of the old board and losing everything over there. I want to let it go, and I think I'm going to, but still it feels sad to me.

I can imagine it is even more so for members who have been there longer than I have.
Title: Re: Feeling Unsettled.
Post by: Lisa on March 09, 2015, 04:00:32 PM
I went thru a grieving,process but it was quick. I immersed myself in the new. People will find us. No one was being added to the old one. I am ok with leaving my early days behind there but it is very sad. Especially those we lost.
Title: Re: Feeling Unsettled.
Post by: rifatheroffour on March 09, 2015, 04:11:19 PM
I agree with feeling unsettled.  Here is a paraphase of a post I made on the Old-New Board from Saturday,

I have been oddly tearful today as well... spent time last night and this morning contemplating this (transition from YWBB to Proboard) change. What hit me the most was that I have made some truly wonderful friends on YWBB and at first the prospect of losing that connection had me rather stunned... I am seeing an odd parallel to my loss and grief in that this is forcing me to endure another loss I would not have chosen and makes me decided how or whether to move forward to something else. Seems like rambling and in another board life, I would probably just delete this but as I am trying to evolve I know sometimes you just have to put it out there and see what happens.
Title: Re: Feeling Unsettled.
Post by: kmouse on March 09, 2015, 04:15:25 PM
It rattled this vet pretty hard, too. Six years is coming in April and the closing of YWBB really sent some serious shockwaves through me. I haven't quite worked out the psychology, but for some reason I felt like I was losing yet more pieces of Richard and me after spending so many years there. I guess I didn't realize just how much I needed to know the board was there, even being miles down the grief road and no longer being much of a presence at all. I'm ok losing my thoughts and words because I wrote nearly continually throughout my intense processing times in other fashions, but I'm so terribly sad to lose the words of the wids we've lost and the collective wisdom that started with our founders. I sure wish there were a way to archive YWBB as at least a reading resource.

Wish I could hug our founders for seeing a need and forging a way all those years ago, and our team of visionaries who are leading the way forward...   

K
Title: Re: Feeling Unsettled.
Post by: Baylee627 on March 09, 2015, 04:27:04 PM
I completely identify with and validate the "unsettled feelings" on this board. Just when you've had about all the change you can handle in widowhood--comes more changes, at times slowly, at times rapid-fire.

It's enough to make one very vertiginous and wearied, indeed!

Board-wise, it's all gonna smooth out, though. We'll find our grooves and settle into a comfortable pattern again. I just wanted to let you know that while administration and mods are doing their finest to make this transition, our members are damn resilient, and I'm touched that we sorta have a "pack mentality" amongst us.

Mad love, y'all.

Baylee
Title: Re: Feeling Unsettled.
Post by: petesgirl77 on March 09, 2015, 04:37:27 PM
It rattled this vet pretty hard, too. Six years is coming in April and the closing of YWBB really sent some serious shockwaves through me. I haven't quite worked out the psychology, but for some reason I felt like I was losing yet more pieces of Richard and me after spending so many years there.
^^^^This.
I moved to a new city about 2 years out, and was promptly mugged. My engagement ring was in my purse and just like that, it was gone. I moved from my apartment in 2013, and my laptop with Pete's voicemails saved on it was stolen during the transition, though the movers swore they didn't take it. When YWBB announced it was closing, I felt that same sense of losing a piece of what we had and it triggered a wave of grief that honestly surprised me and it's lingering.

So Lost, you're definitely not alone. Its strangely unsettling.
Title: Re: Feeling Unsettled.
Post by: marian1953 on March 09, 2015, 05:13:17 PM
I am sharing that same, unsettled feeling. I started giving my story and it made me so upset that when I got to the part of describing Peter lying in the moonlight, on our living room floor and I saw him. I SAW HIM.  I haven't had that vision in my head for a long time because I forced myself to forget. Today I remembered.
Marian
I am so happy to see old friends- my emotions are just all over the place.
Title: Re: Feeling Unsettled.
Post by: Wheelerswife on March 09, 2015, 05:15:30 PM
Gobsmacked, really, but pulling through with the help of people willing to listen to me whine...

So much history...wiped out.  It's like the house burned down and I'm trying to sift through the rubble for memories.  Fortunately, my photos all survived.

Maureen
Title: Re: Feeling Unsettled.
Post by: Bobssleepykitty on March 09, 2015, 05:25:11 PM
I'm finding myself having attachment issues with this board, quite honestly. I know the move was the best thing, and I am thankful to everybody who pulled it together so fast, but part of me is thinking, "OK, is this it? Are we going to stay here? For how long?" And then all the abandonment issues start up, and then...

But yeah, I know what you mean. I felt my world turn upside down. Again.
Title: Re: Feeling Unsettled.
Post by: look2thesky on March 09, 2015, 05:25:51 PM
The way Ywbb handled things made everything kind of sad. No replies no warnings. It was a bit of a setback. What a kind thing for the people here to react so quickly. For the first time I was able to upload a pic. You guys are amazing !!!
Title: Re: Feeling Unsettled.
Post by: lcoxwell on March 09, 2015, 06:04:55 PM
I, too, have been feeling very unsettled.  Had it been any other time, besides the final week leading up to the one year anniversary of Kenneth's death, I think I would have been able to adjust a little easier.  With the anniversary of his death looming, though, I truly needed you all.  I had created a post on Friday, during lunch.  When I returned to read updates after work, I saw the message that the forums were closed.  I thought I might have lost some of you forever, because I hadn't exchanged personal emails or phone numbers with others, and I live too far away to attend bagos.  It felt like my whole world was crumbling all over again, and I was reduced to some serious tears.

I cannot even put into words how incredibly grateful I am that our admins and moderators got to work so fast to set up a new place for us.  I am also beyond thankful for all the efforts to make certain I wasn't left behind.  Change can be hard, though, and it will take me a little time to adjust, I think.  I just hate leaving behind the history of my first year of widowhood, right on the verge of crossing the threshold of being one year out.
Title: Re: Feeling Unsettled.
Post by: Alexswife on March 09, 2015, 06:53:16 PM
I am feeling very anxious about all of this. There has been soooo many nights when I couldn't sleep that I would just go on ywbb and read post from years ago. Post that would comfort me. Its a terrible feeling knowing that all of that will soon be gone.

I am thankful for this place.
Title: Re: Feeling Unsettled.
Post by: Bluebird on March 09, 2015, 10:14:30 PM
I've always known that after the loss of my DH, that I had major work to do to discover who I was as an individual. Being part of a couple for such along time, I thought I knew who I was, and it turned out I had no clue.

Much of the work I did, thinking about new things, testing out ideas, expressing concerns etc. was done among my peers at YWBB. To have the archive of that journey taken from me...not just my original posts, but the reactions and feedback of others, the recollection of the feelings I felt when I learned something...that was all taken. It feels about the same as I felt when I learned last week that my childhood home is about to be sold now that my Dad has passed away. At least the sale of my childhood home made some sense to me.

I guess I should have been wise enough to realize that the hallowed ground of YWBB wasn't as safe and secure as I thought. The experience has made me feel insecure, sad and will ultimately harden me.
Title: Re: Feeling Unsettled.
Post by: AC on March 09, 2015, 10:24:21 PM

I guess I should have been wise enough to realize that the hallowed ground of YWBB wasn't as safe and secure as I thought. The experience has made me feel insecure, sad and will ultimately harden me.

This sums up my thoughts perfectly. While I don't feel I am in any position to judge what has gone down, the impact on my person and my life doesn't change. I don't know just exactly just how jaded and hardened and cynical the universe wants me to be, but clearly I don't measure up to the standard as of yet.

I hear ya, universe, I hear ya. I am doing my best - you can give it a rest for a bit.
Title: Re: Feeling Unsettled.
Post by: Eeyore on March 09, 2015, 10:47:14 PM
Hey there, Newbie Lost35, I'm Eeyore, and I'm pleased to make your acquaintance.  ;)

I've been spending part of my evenings archiving old posts from YWBB.  It never dawned on me that I would have to do so.  It sucks.  And I never thought I would ever again be a "Newbie."
Title: Re: Feeling Unsettled.
Post by: Lost35 on March 09, 2015, 11:00:53 PM
Hello, Fellow Newbie Eeyore.  I was having a bit of a chuckle about all of us being "Newbies" earlier.  Does that mean I'm 35 again?  :)

I've opted out of re-reading anything from before as it will cause havoc with the days ahead.  I wish I could save things, but I know I can't ever go back and read them, so away they go.  I think I'm okay with that part.  It's having to think about it at all that is troublesome.

(Puts blinders back on and takes a sip of a giant martini, to steady her nerves.) 

:)

-L.
Title: Re: Feeling Unsettled.
Post by: marian1953 on March 10, 2015, 01:12:47 PM
yeah you fellow newbies -I did the same thing "newbie"- early that day I went to ywbb and there was a pm that started "I know you're a vet?" and I was chuckling over that one?yeah, one more letting go. sigh.
Title: Re: Feeling Unsettled.
Post by: hachi on March 10, 2015, 02:01:36 PM
I, too, have been feeling very unsettled.  Had it been any other time, besides the final week leading up to the one year anniversary of Kenneth's death, I think I would have been able to adjust a little easier.  With the anniversary of his death looming, though, I truly needed you all.  I had created a post on Friday, during lunch.  When I returned to read updates after work, I saw the message that the forums were closed.  I thought I might have lost some of you forever, because I hadn't exchanged personal emails or phone numbers with others, and I live too far away to attend bagos.  It felt like my whole world was crumbling all over again, and I was reduced to some serious tears.

I cannot even put into words how incredibly grateful I am that our admins and moderators got to work so fast to set up a new place for us.  I am also beyond thankful for all the efforts to make certain I wasn't left behind.  Change can be hard, though, and it will take me a little time to adjust, I think.  I just hate leaving behind the history of my first year of widowhood, right on the verge of crossing the threshold of being one year out.
This is exactly what happened to me with W2Y about 2 years ago, I was approaching the 1st anniversary when the site shut down. Unfortunately, there was no warning, and no grace period to retrieve any posts. What was worse was we all scattered to the winds. A few of us continued to chat and email each other. A few (like me) found a place here. I won't lie, I felt very out of place at first, and it took me a while to feel I could post. I couldn't start over, and I couldn't just jump in. This time, I am thankful I could save a few things that are meaningful and helpful, and I am okay with letting the rest go. Also that  so many of us are here, and know each others stories. 
Title: Re: Feeling Unsettled.
Post by: AaronP on March 10, 2015, 03:49:51 PM
I wonder if instead of "Newbie" it can be re-titled "YWBB Refugee" or "YWBB Expat" or something along those lines!
Title: Re: Feeling Unsettled.
Post by: JacklessSally on March 10, 2015, 04:00:08 PM
I wonder if instead of "Newbie" it can be re-titled "YWBB Refugee" or "YWBB Expat" or something along those lines!

There should be a box you can click when registering, asking if you are migrating from YWBB.
Title: Re: Feeling Unsettled.
Post by: lcoxwell on March 10, 2015, 05:43:15 PM
This is exactly what happened to me with W2Y about 2 years ago, I was approaching the 1st anniversary when the site shut down. Unfortunately, there was no warning, and no grace period to retrieve any posts. What was worse was we all scattered to the winds. A few of us continued to chat and email each other. A few (like me) found a place here. I won't lie, I felt very out of place at first, and it took me a while to feel I could post. I couldn't start over, and I couldn't just jump in. This time, I am thankful I could save a few things that are meaningful and helpful, and I am okay with letting the rest go. Also that  so many of us are here, and know each others stories.

I am so very sorry that this happened to you, too.  I cannot imagine how difficult that must have been for you, since, thankfully, I was rescued and brought aboard our "new home".  Again, I am so thankful that I did not lose the connection this wonderful and amazing group of people.