Young Widow Forum

Time Frame => Newly Widowed (1 day to 6 months) => Topic started by: Jen on March 08, 2015, 05:33:35 PM

Title: Letter to a Friend
Post by: Jen on March 08, 2015, 05:33:35 PM
Quote from: Tweety76
This post helped me a lot in my early days and was posted and linked to me by Wifeless. I wanted to put this here so it can keep on helping others in the early and why not later days too of this horrible path.

Quote from: WifeLess, April 2010
The following has been circulating on YWBB for several years. It is a letter that recent widow(er)s might consider sending to friends and family members in an attempt to explain what they're feeling. Of all the open letters and other such writings I have seen, this seems to say it the most directly and most powerfully. Those still in shock and unable to formulate words to adequately express their thoughts and feelings might find it especially useful.

A debt of gratitude is owed the original author, who unfortunately seems to be unknown. Thanks also to those previous and present YWBB members who have kept this letter alive ... I have done some slight alterations, mostly to make the letter gender neutral.


To My Friend

I have lost the one I love, the one I cherish. My lover, my best friend, my whole life. Either you have stumbled across this because you want to find out how to help me, or I have given this to you.

How I am Feeling

Emotional Things You Can Do

What Not To Do

Practical Things You Can Do

I understand that a lot of you find it hard to cope with my emotional pain. Hate to see me hurting so. If you can't help me emotionally, you can help me practically.

Practical Things I Need To Do

Remember

Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: WifeLess on March 08, 2015, 06:38:46 PM
Thank you for reposting "Letter to a Friend", which I think offers the best description I have read of the early weeks and months of widowhood. For years, it resonated with many widows and widowers on YWBB, and I suspect this will be the case here as well.

--- WifeLess

Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: WifeLess on October 20, 2015, 06:26:58 PM
Bumping this up for some new members who are also newly widowed. Perhaps it will bring them a measure of comfort to know that many of us who have previously traveled this sad road truly understand the excruciating pain they are now experiencing.
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: Amor on October 21, 2015, 08:42:09 AM
Jen thank you for reposting this.
I am over a year now and still many points in here still apply.  I have made huge strides that many people do not even know I am still struggling.  I even surpise myself at time but the pain is still there. 
Amor
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: Fuchsia on October 22, 2015, 02:18:09 AM
Thank you for this post. It describes so well the place that I am in.
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: phil on October 24, 2015, 04:23:20 PM
what a lovelly letter, every thing i feel,
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: MegK on December 13, 2015, 01:33:59 PM
Thanks for this post! its really comforting to know that there is others that knows how one feels!
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: TMPPGH on December 14, 2015, 10:05:35 AM
Is it bad that I am 1 year and 9 months out and all this is still true for me??? Uuggghhh
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: Mrskro on December 14, 2015, 11:03:54 AM
I too am over a year out and this still rings true. 
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: MauiMermaid on December 14, 2015, 02:55:22 PM
Almost at 3 years and this still helps me. We feel so misunderstood and this explains it all so well.
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: Amor on December 31, 2015, 05:45:06 PM
This letter is very good to read and give to friends.  Helps them to understand a little more of what is going on. 
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: WifeLess on June 06, 2016, 06:25:33 PM
Bumping this up for new members.
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: TofinoMan on June 29, 2016, 12:44:47 PM
Thank you for posting this Jen, and for bumping it WifeLess.
Its the first time I read it.
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: Mrskro on August 04, 2016, 01:34:43 PM
Bumping this back up.  We've had quite a few people join us lately.
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: donswife on August 05, 2016, 07:00:45 AM
I carry a copy of this in my purse , that's how helpful it was
it also reminds ourselves that it's ok to feel all these ways
thanks for the bump
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: mo on August 06, 2016, 09:13:02 PM
My sister in law set up a massage for me. It was too much, too intimate. I just kept thinking that the last person to touch me was my husband. And how long until I feel someone else's touch? And will it still feel as good as it did? How long until I don't have to pay someone to touch me? I cried the whole time but stayed because it felt so good.
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: Mrskro on November 07, 2016, 12:47:19 PM
I'm thinking this should go back to the top.

Hugs to all who have recently lost someone.
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: MR on November 08, 2016, 10:52:59 AM
So true feel same everyday

Tx
MR
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: WifeLess on March 15, 2017, 01:51:31 PM
Bumping up for newer members.
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: Missing AC on March 19, 2017, 06:36:28 PM
Thank you for this.  It expresses everything I have been experiencing, thinking and feeling and wish I could express to friends and family.  I will carry it with me along with Unique and Devastating Loss.
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: lostwholesoul on June 27, 2017, 02:01:58 PM
I just came across this website. I am 6 months, 4 days in. I have gone through the 6mos-1 year posts and am now back-tracking through 1-6 mos posts. I sure wish I had come across this site sooner. Perhaps I wasn't ready for it. This letter embodies it all....... sigh....... Nice to be around people who get where I am at. Kind of twisted I just used the word nice to describe hell....... Yet, I think everyone gets it...
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: BrokenHeart2 on June 27, 2017, 08:12:34 PM
Yes lws we do get it.  We're all here for each other! Sorry you had to find us and glad that you did.
Hugs!
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: kailee on July 01, 2017, 07:09:58 PM
Wow. Thank you for reposting this. I wish I didn't understand every word of it. I hate this club we are all in.
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: RyanAmysMom on July 03, 2017, 12:39:59 AM
Several times in the past couple of weeks my "mask" of sanity and composure has cracked, and I've shed tears publicly - and my friends and family (and sometimes complete strangers) just gape open mouthed like they've never seen a woman cry before...... So I posted this to my FB last night - hoping to explain myself a little - hoping to understand myself a little....... 
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: Angelalpn on July 04, 2017, 11:26:41 AM
Thank you for this. It says everything. Is there a way to copy and paste this. I would love to post it on facebook
Title: Re: Letter to a Friend
Post by: Lonely Joe on July 05, 2017, 05:56:18 PM
   My wife passed away on June 14th. I found this forum a few days ago and it has really helped. It was good to know what some of the "normal" (as if anything is normal after this happens) things are that go on in the first few weeks.
 
 I started keeping a journal which has really brought me some comfort. I just write stuff down that comes to me throughout the day.
 
 I'm a high school counselor and have the summer off. I wonder if going back to work in August will be better or worse? Right now i just try to stay busy around the house, organizing closets, sorting through Elisabeth's stuff, and doing stuff for my teenage kids.