On line dating vents and laughs......

[Portside]

He's in an on/off relationship with his girlfriend.

I'll bet he is. 

[Forgottenwife]

Years ago when I first ventured onto the sites I thought it was going to be so easy. Little did I know how many "weird ones" there are out there, but I guess it is better to find out online than in person.  Then I find someone that I think there is hope, but they end up ghosting, just want to chat or want to meet right away and sometimes my schedule I just can't make it on short warning.

Maybe I should suck it up and try one of the paid sites again instead of the free ones.

There were so many weirdos! Ugh, I remember that and I had to block a couple of people. I just kept at it and finally weeded through the ghosters and creeps and met some actual regular people. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it.

Not sure about the paid vs. free sites, I have heard people have success with either. I found someone on a free site. I seem to remember a discussion on here (maybe even this thread) where people talked about what site was best depending on a variety of factors like age, religion, region, things like that.

[wecouldbeheros]

He's in an on/off relationship with his girlfriend.

Times have sure changed.

[Virgo]

It's like high school. Breaking up and getting back together. I don't understand that. To me they're settling while hoping it will get better. I'm not going to settle or be settled for. Moving on....

[momtokam]

This week has provided a couple doozies....

1. Conversing with someone I was really enjoying. I got the best first line ever, about him saving a bird on his property, when I asked him to tell me something about himself. He seemed extremely interested and we made plans to meet this Saturday. Then late Wednesday....POOF! Stopped responding. Completely out of character as he was a prolific caller and texter. Another one Ghosted!

I decided to reply as follows....

Hey XXX,
I'm guessing you are no longer interested? Not sure why the complete reversal of intentions within hours.
I wish you could just be honest about it. Trust me, I have survived much worse! Why men feel the need to just vanish in thin air, I don't know. Good luck in whatever you are looking for. I hope you find her. I am quite a catch and the right real man will be one lucky guy!

I felt much better after that!

2. Matched and messaged with someone and seemed ok to exchange numbers with. First text I get was a picture. I was worried it was "one of those pics". Nope, it was a pic of a much older and heavier person. I was not impressed and said so. He tried to say hello a couple days later.

Then looking through my FB people I may know....are 2 profiles....young pic with name he gave...older pic with a different name. Called him on it and he brushed it off as lots of people have 2 FB profiles. I told him to bugger off and within minutes I get a group chat set up on Viber from younger profile with a bunch of other women. None of us had a clue what was going on. I blocked and reported it. I threatened him with telling the head of his company what he did. Ironically I know the CEO of where he works. He denied everything. Block!!!

I felt such ICK after that. I hid all my profiles!

[arneal]

Oh, momto ... glad we have the 'like' button back, but I couldn't use it, even though I wanted to give you kudos for calling them both out!

[momtokam]

I have been chatting/talking with a guy that lives 3 hours away for months now.  I like the guy but I just don't think it is going to go anywhere.  I keep asking when we are going to meet and he avoids that question.  Time to move on.

Went out with supper with some old friends this week, each of them met their significant other online so I opened up my profile, yet again. 

Lots of "likes" and one message.  The guy's profile is so "wild", it is so long and doesn't make any sense at all.  I am trying to be open, but...?

If he can't commit to a meet, he never had an intention of meeting. Just my experience.

[Needytoo]

I think you are right momtokam, he just wants a "text" buddy and I am alright with that, I enjoy hearing his text early every morning. 

Received a message back from the "weird" one, there is something not right with him, staying away from that one. 

Momtokam, I wish I had the guts to say the truth to these guys. 

I seem to have a repeat problem with online dating:

-1st the ghosting problem, am I that boring?
-guys who don't even send a message just their cell numbers.  Is it because they don't have data on their phones, want to send "those" kind of pictures, want a hookup?
-first meet, all they do is talk about themselves

Any opininions?

[SemperFidelis]

Then looking through my FB people I may know....are 2 profiles....young pic with name he gave...older pic with a different name. Called him on it and he brushed it off as lots of people have 2 FB profiles. I told him to bugger off and within minutes I get a group chat set up on Viber from younger profile with a bunch of other women. None of us had a clue what was going on. I blocked and reported it. I threatened him with telling the head of his company what he did. Ironically I know the CEO of where he works. He denied everything. Block!!!

Wow, lots of people have two FB accounts? Omg. What a joke. Only people trying to decieve and conceal have two FB accounts. Classic.

[momtokam]

Needytoo,

Ghosting sadly is the norm rather than the exception. I am definitely not boring and I get ghosted. I think these guys have many on the go and pick and choose who to continue with. This is fine, it's not like we are exclusive at this initial point.  My issue is that they are not upfront about it and they feel disappearing is easier than saying something. My ghoster from above really bugged me though because the time and effort he put in didn't feel like he was juggling with anyone else. Lesson learned!

Phone number only in the first message? This is a no for me. It's a sign they want you off the site to communicate. It could be for many reasons,  most not good. I need a few messages on the site first to rule out any major red flags or deal breakers.

My first meets generally go very well. But I am a talker and an extrovert so I have no problem keeping things going back and forth. I've never had a first meet that didn't want to see me again. I am the one that has chosen not to continue at times.

My problem is getting to the first meet. I really don't know why for sure. I still suspect that my age, 51, and having 3 kids, 2 youngish, has a lot to do with it. The men my age want younger or very free and available women it seems.

The much older men who contact me have not appealed to me. I'm ok with 5-7 years older but more than that doesn't appeal to me. Just like more than 5-6 years younger doesn't appeal to me.

If anyone has suggestions to get to the first meet stage, let me know!

[Needytoo]

I can't say I had very many first meets but each one has been the same. They ramble on and on, pretty sure they are doing it because they are nervous.  I too am very outgoing, but for some reason, I can't be myself on these first meets. Not sure what the psychology with that is? Hopefully next time it will be better.

I am a bit of a sign-up junkie. I would have so much stuff going on that when I guy would ask me out I would have to say no. A dating coach suggested I "make room" for dating.  I cut back on everything and then I went through very lonely to enjoying my solitude a little too much.  This year I am hoping to have a little more balance.  My new theory is I need to meet new people, male and female.  I joined a ton of committees at work and trying out a community club to see if I want to join. 

How much effort does everyone put into this?  I have found in the past it seemed this online dating stuff sucked up so much of my time, but I do want to meet someone.  I am going to try datingadviceguys advice on sending out a few messages on a Sunday.

I am up for any suggestions for first meet as well.

[Captains wife]

I dropped off Match 4 months ago (hidden profile) and I just got a message from a guy who ghosted on me very quickly over the summer. His email said that our timing was "off" but could we reconnect? WTF? I've been internet dating for years and ghosting is so common...so don't take any of it personally- usually has nothing to do with you but the other persons situation.

[arneal]

The ghosting thing is a mystery, isn't it? Sometimes it seems that for one or both people, either the conversation isn't going where they want (suggestion to hook up not coming quick enough, not enough common interests really) or they don't want to say that the other person isn't what they were looking for. The first time I reached out to this guy on one dating site and he said I wasn't what he was looking for, I was sort of hurt, but then I appreciated his honesty and took a lesson. I started doing the same -- thanks, not interested, good luck with your search sort of thing.

As far as first meets are concerned, if you haven't made the suggestion before, consider doing so -- as in not waiting for the guy to do it. NG and I hit it off on the dating site messaging; I wrote something like 'we should meet for coffee or lunch or something'. He agreed and gave me his #. I gave him one of mine (the one I used exclusively for dating at that point -- I didn't give out my real # right away so as to avoid those that turned into weirdos lol). He called me and we talked for about an hour, then made plans to meet two days later. That was Memorial Day weekend last year and we're still connected

[RobFTC]

... he brushed it off as lots of people have 2 FB profiles.

Um ... what the absolute fuck?  I've seen dual profiles a couple of times, mostly when someone forgets how to log into their first account! 

Take care,
Rob T

[RyanAmysMom]

Can I ask a very frank question that really demonstrates my naivete?  (and insecurity...)
I'm in two conversations online with men who seem to be quite handsome.....
Do men really actually like women with a little meat on them?  'Cuz I totally thought I wouldn't be attractive to some of the men that I am chatting with......  I mean - I'm at the top of the plus-size range....
So guys.... Are you interested in heavier girls?  Or am I being "played" here?  Please be honest.....