Author Topic: Seven  (Read 577 times)


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  • Lost Michelle to ovarian cancer 2010/11/07
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« on: November 07, 2017, 10:13:19 AM »
Michelle took her last breath seven years ago today, which was a Sunday.  I am wishing she was here to cuddle with the fresh snow chill in the air.  It was 50F yesterday, so the snow is a sharp transition here.  It's beautiful, I must say.

Even more, I wish Michelle was here to help with the girls.  They are both not doing what would be best for themselves in grade 11.  For the easy daughter, what should be an A grade in music is an F because she missed a playing test and has not gotten it together to make it up with a VERY gracious teacher.  The harder daughter is too often skipping classes, missing the bus, and letting us down at home.  I keep trying new things, but my creativity is limited and I can't really tell if anything helps.  I tried something else and hope to know if it matters later this week.

I'm in a relationship, and it's good, but there's no indication that we're going to be integrated into each other's lives for some time yet.  The bed is still empty and I am still parenting alone.  It's good to have moral support and love, which is more than I used to have.  The gap is front and center today, though.

Take care,
Rob T
There was something fishy about the butler.  I think he was a Pisces, probably working for scale.


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Re: Seven
« Reply #1 on: November 07, 2017, 10:57:27 AM »
Rob----  sending you so much love and understanding across the miles.  There kind of aren't words beyond that, I think.  As for all of our girls, they're going to be better than fine in the long run --- they have us as parents, after all.   :)  Be kind to yourself today and always.  xoxoxox



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Re: Seven
« Reply #2 on: November 07, 2017, 11:31:34 AM »
Hi, Rob,

Hugs to you on this sad anniversary. I know how much you miss Michelle and wish she was there to parent your girls with you.  I know how dedicated and intentional you have been with guiding your girls through the years. 

Of course, like all of us, you lament the loss of your life partner as well.  You and Michelle had a wonderful connection and that can't be replicated, and we revisit that on these dates, even if we are in a new relationship.

Hugs to you. 

Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness


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Re: Seven
« Reply #3 on: November 07, 2017, 12:03:22 PM »
Adding my hugs to you on this difficult day.  Unfortunately I can relate all too well on the difficult parenting issues and how much it just plain sucks to be facing these challenges without our parenting partner.  I have always been impressed with the way you parent, facing challenges head on and being proactive in guiding your girls to become independent and productive adults.  Keep having faith that it will all pay off in the long run.

 I'm married again and while my bed is no longer empty I am still parenting alone.  On one hand there is support but on the other hand my young adult childrens' failings are even more stressful because they now affect my new husband and our relationship.  Having him in the home puts a spot light on some issues that I had decided were less important to deal with and also my shortcomings as a solo parent.

My older 2 are out of high school and I am starting to believe they will be productive adults even if the paths they have chosen are not what DH and I had imagined.  I try not to think what they would be like if they hadn't lost their dad, it's too painful.

You will forever be my always.


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Re: Seven
« Reply #4 on: November 07, 2017, 08:35:49 PM »
Hugs to you Rob. I'm not a parent. As I have grown older, slowly I am taking notice of sometimes subtle, sometimes blatant apologies from my parents in a round about way. It kinda breaks my heart. My parents were far from perfect. However, NOBODY is. What I remember from my up bringing....they loved me. The displine I remember, oh dear lord did I deserve. Ha ha!!

Rob, I scared the shit out of my parents. I'm pretty sure they were convinced they were going to have to support me til their dying day. You may think your words and guidance are hitting a brick wall, but they ARE listening.

Hugs to you, yet again. I hit 6 years in July. Hope you found moments of peace.
You hate me don't you? Yup, so much I married you twice! :)


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Re: Seven
« Reply #5 on: November 07, 2017, 09:29:11 PM »
Hugs to you Rob. My eldest daughter is a lot like your girls. I don't know how we are doing it but we are trying and we are doing what we can. Peace to you today.


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Re: Seven
« Reply #6 on: November 07, 2017, 11:54:54 PM »
I'm sorry, Rob. All three of my kids who are now 26, 22, and 20 have contributed hugely to my anxiety issues  after losing D five years ago in October. Stuff I didn't need on top of grief. And dealing with the issues on my own has been brutal. So much of their life junk and crises have just seemed very unnecessary and self-induced. I know they are also suffering, but sometimes it seems the lack of insight as to the heartache, stress, and worry they have brought upon me by their actions or lack thereof, is just so incredibly selfish that it boggles my mind. I have spent so much of the past five years waiting for the other shoe to drop in a kid crisis. And these have not been minor issues,  but the kind that brought me and which ever kid was in crisis  at the time to therapy. Oh, the stories I could tell you.

The most helpful thing for my kids has been a dose of maturity. Thank God raising kids is not a static situation.Your girls are younger than my kids. Maturity is a wonderful thing. I think your girls will get there. You are a good dad. That is evident in your postings. You love your  daughters and they KNOW that.  They need to meet you halfway.  I think it will happen.

I can finally say that all three of my kids are in a good place now. I hope it sticks. You actually helped me with some information that got my oldest son on the right track when he dropped out of college unbeknownst to me three years ago. You were familiar with Vancouver and sang its praises when I inquired. That made me feel more confident in sending him there where he attended a very intense year of school and is now employed as a very successful and happy visual effects artist in Vancouver.

« Last Edit: November 07, 2017, 11:56:31 PM by kjs1989 »


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Re: Seven
« Reply #7 on: November 08, 2017, 12:06:25 PM »
I hear you, Rob. This only-parenting thing sucks. Teens are harder than I ever imagined. I read recently that by 16 or so, there is little else you can do. You have spent the years making your rules and your expectations known, it is now time to step back and let them make their way -- be it the right way or the wrong way. Intervening does not bode well any longer, they make their own mistakes and either learn from them, or not. Harder than it sounds.



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Re: Seven
« Reply #8 on: November 08, 2017, 12:23:29 PM »
Another hug to you - parenting solo is difficult even under the best of circumstances.  You're a devoted Dad, evidenced by your concerns and the conversations here.  Agree with abitlost, as hard as it is to step back and allow consequences to play out, oftentimes it's the best possible option in raising teenagers.  It is so hard to watch your child stumble and fall, we're hard wired as parents to cast that wide net and try to catch our child at every turn.
Have I told you lately how much I love you?


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Re: Seven
« Reply #9 on: November 08, 2017, 12:35:52 PM »
Sending hugs and support Rob.  My boys are now teenagers and doing well academically.  BUT it is a 24/7 job and so much more difficult than when they were younger.  I have found it is not the physical hard work of parenting alone that I faced when they were younger but the mental, emotional, and stressful work of staying consistent and on top of my game when they now are pushing boundaries.   

Just know you have shown such amazing parental help over the years.  Your suggestion for Love and Logic parenting became my instruction book.  The girls will be fine.  Don't be too hard on yourself.  My friends and co-workers have all said " Girls are much more difficult in high school than boys".  Hang in there.