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  1. Today
  2. Bunny

    Dating

    Dating a widow is not easy, because she is understanding Life on a whole other level. Like, she no longer believes it when people say ‘it’s going to be fine’ or ‘don’t worry’ or ‘everyting always turns out for the best’ because she knows there are no guarantees and anyone can die at any minute. Being a widow is a total mindfuck. I never ever wanted to fall in love again because the thought of going through this shit twice terrified me. But here I am with someone again anyway. And, yeah, I hold myself back. And yeah, I’m ambivalent about so much now. I think widows are the best/worst partners. Good luck.
  3. Yesterday
  4. Stephen

    Dating

    I have to say this is one of the hardest things I have done. While I myself am not a widower, this is the first widow I have ever dated. The emotional roller coaster she goes through has a major emotional impact on me. I almost feel that she is trying to sabotage the relationship at this point because she is not ready for it.
  5. Last week
  6. Julester3

    Dating

    I’m glad you are finding some happiness.
  7. Virgo

    Dating

    Good for you!
  8. Wife of Tomasz

    Only 28, what now?

    Hi DKnotts, I'm sorry that you had to join us on this forum. Being widowed young sucks sooo much. I was 29 when my Tom died 4 years and 4 month ago. Like you we where just starting our life together and had everything ahead of us. I was so happy to be with my soulmate and best friend. I could never have imagined that he could be taken from this world, and then he was gone in a blink of an eye, and everything shattered. Not just our future together, our family that we never got to grow, but also me. I know what you mean when you talk of other people our age just starting their family, being a young widow has a lot of social challenges that add to our pain. It took me a long time to wrap my head around everything that happened and how I could exist in this alternate reality. Finding places like this forum and other young widow groups was a lifeline for me, its the only place where I felt like I was not insane. It will take time to adjust to this new reality and to find any kind of footing in it. 2 weeks is so early, best thing now is to be gentle with yourself and take care of your physical and emotional health. The sage advise that everyone gives to those that join us is; drink water, eat when you can, sleep when you can, and take it one day at a time, sometimes one min, or one breath at a time. Hugs
  9. Forgottenwife

    Engaged

    Aww yeah!! Congratulations MrsDan.
  10. Forgottenwife

    7 years today

    Thank you for posting this, I'm coming up on 9 years this spring and I have some of these feelings. My husband wouldn't recognize so many things: my new career, a new community, our children have grown, we've welcomed new family members and sadly lost others. Its a different life. Even though I have a full and quite gentle life, I'm still sad he isn't here to see it, how I wish things were different.
  11. BlueSky

    Only 28, what now?

    I’m so sorry for your huge loss. Do take care of yourself. If there are any friends or family at all who you feel like you can talk to, try to see them. I hope this group makes you feel just a tiny bit less alone in your loneliness. I know it has for me, even though I don’t really post. Just getting through the day, eating, sleeping, etc. is work. Sending virtual hugs to you as you move through these days.
  12. Stephen

    Dating

    I have been dating a widow now for almost 5 months.
  13. PaulZ

    Only 28, what now?

    So sorry for your loss and that your life has turned upside down. It's impossible to wrap your brain around it for a while. I felt the same as far as not being able to relate to anyone for a while, there is an overwhelming pain that takes time to become less intense. Hang in there. There are people here who have been through similar painful loss and have good advice and can share their experiences. Take care
  14. trying2breathe

    Only 28, what now?

    DKnotts I'm so sorry for your loss, how tragic to lose your loved one suddenly and unexpectedly and so very young. Please take care of yourself, drink water, eat if you can and keep breathing. And know that there are others here than can relate. A big gentle hug to you ~
  15. trying2breathe

    7 years today

    ^This I'm at 7 years this fall, and relate to what you are feeling. My kids were 14 and 16 when he died, our lives are so very different now. I wonder sometimes how he would feel if he was able to see all that our lives are now. And I'm passive now on things that used to be important, widowhood has put a perspective on things that makes me care less about certain things.
  16. Hi, not sure if this will help but it doesn’t feel like I have anyone to talk to. Im 28 and my partner, who was 30, passed in a hunting accident less than two weeks ago. We were together three years but have been close since high school. We were young and just making plans on what our lives were going to be and now hes gone. Our house is like he just left for work. His parents took the reigns on everything and im so lost and alone. Our friends are young and just starting families and it feels like my life has been cut short and I can’t relate to anyone anymore.
  17. tybec

    7 years today

    rifatheroffour, I am right there with you.8 yrs. Monday is my sadiversary. HOW? So long ago. Another world , another life. I, too, have some numbness now. What direction do I go? What do I want to do? My kid has 2 1/2 yrs. I have been so happy to get him grown so he could handle life as an adult, but then he will be an adult on his own. After ending a 3.5 yr. relationship and jumping on line for dating a bit, no interest currently. I don't understand it either. But I do get the feelings your describe. Winter is hard, too.
  18. Julester3

    7 years today

    I know how you feel. I’m just a step behind you and I have been experiencing a lot that you’ve mentioned with my 2 girls who were 16 and 12 when LH passed and are now 20 and 16. I’m in a relationship but I’m comfortable. I don’t know where to go with it exactly but neither do I want to hang out infinitely. It’s fine for now. I’m okay with that and it allows me to focus on my girls. Hugs to you today!
  19. Julester3

    Celebrating his birthday

    We always stop by the cemetery and place flowers. We thengo to one of his favorite restaurants, we watch some of his favorite movies, we get ice cream because he loved ice cream, and if his birthday falls on a weekend, I invite his friends over and we have a game night in his honor.
  20. CW- I get this to an extent. NG youngest is 18- thank God she is a Senior this year (very immature 18 year old, but at least she will be out of school) The crazy ex will always be there. It's something I struggle with, yet its gotten much better since she has a steady sugar daddy. I do sometimes feel like I am behind his Mother, kids, farm, etc. It gets old. He tries to make a conscious effort, but its still at times aggravating. I don't think I am not moving on because of the ex, its all the other issues. Somedays, not sure we ever will get to that place. For now, I am ok with it. His ex is still bat shit crazy..bought a car very similar to my old car (so I traded my old one in and got a new one)- Sugar Daddy and her bought a house together. Tiny brick ranch like mine. On New Years we took all of our kids to the mountains ski resort. She goes to the other ski resort. (But has never skied and used to hate the mountains) When I changed my FB profile pic to NG and myself in the mountains..within an hour she changed hers to her and new guy..wearing the same type of hat and scarf I had on. We have a handful of mutual friends who brought it to my attention. It's just bizarre. So I stay away, no contact. In 3 years, I am polite but cool. She's just too crazy for me to get involved in that mess. Like you, I focus on my kids and I will admit, I no longer focus much on his. It's too much drama/jealousy on the ex's part so I am nice, but my kids are my top priority. Selfish, yes..Self preservation-yes. Staying in my bubble- absolutely.
  21. StillWidowed

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Tybec, that's a good plan. I do the same at times. Take breaks for awhile. I have a busy life, so sometimes it's nice not to have to feel obligated to do the whole chit chat and meet thing.
  22. rifatheroffour

    7 years today

    It has been 7 years since my heart shattered. She was ill but we did not expect her death at the time it came, another five to ten years and I think I would not have been as shocked when it finally came. She left me with four children to finish raising on my own, the eldest was 3 weeks from his 16th birthday and the youngest, our only girl, was 5 weeks away from being 11 years old. The last 7 years have seen so many life milestones for the four of them, 3 HS and 1 college graduation, 4 new drivers, all of them dating, some serious some not, but she never got to meet any of the significant others. There's so much of my life today that she has not had a direct connection with. I find myself feeling more and more distant from that day she left. I used to say it felt like forever and yet just yesterday at the same time. I do not feel that anymore and I don't know when that changed. It all just feels like another lifetime away. Now I find myself trudging through life trying to make the best of what I have. Work is a constant struggle to wright the ship after too much neglect by me when she died. It's getting better but it exhausts me still. My kids are all in somewhat different directions and stages between, work, college, post college, senior year HS and thier own relationships with girl/boy friends. They are all good kids, not perfect, and I'm proud of how well they've kept themselves together in spite of the challenges of losing their mother who was so involved in their daily lives. Personally I've connected with two other women since my wife died. Both I had know in my life already, in hindsight both were probably not ready for a relationship. Both made my heart skip a beat and brought joy back into my shattered heart. I miss them both for different reasons. Yet I have no drive to find someone else at this time. There is a certain numbness in my life right now. I'm not sure I have the capacity to engage my personal life until I have a more secure feeling in both the stability of my kids lives and of my work life. This flies in the face of the fact that I know all too well how short life can be and that at any moment it could all be over. But I don't seem to care about that and I'm not sure why. Thanks for listening to my ramble, there are very few places and people to whom I feel comfortable saying many of these things.
  23. tybec

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    I let my subscription go and canceled. I had one date, and he was all over me. And then most of the men I talked to went straight to sex talk. And a few I chatted with that seemed like good options were so busy with their lives, I did not understand how they could be on a site. A nice widower but he had 8 kids, 8 kids I say. His mother had moved in to help him care as he internationally traveled for work. Nope, too much. And I had a nice man who I finally pulled from him he was disabled and living with his mother who needed assistance. NO, I was a care taker for 11 yrs. to my mother, the last 5 yrs. by myself. Not ready to take on someone else's mother and him, possibly, too. And then I had the stalker guy that would not take no for an answer. He had lived in the same town I am in prior and contacted me on the site he was here on a Friday and wanted to meet me for lunch to talk. This was after 3 weeks prior I said no thanks, and he kept texting me wanting an explanation, and then I blocked him after still saying no thank you. I spoke to him twice on the phone. Never said anything sexy, just was polite, trying to get to know him. He freaked me out some. A break for a bit. Get my head on straight. Do some things for my health and then I will see.
  24. T2B, Glad to hear that. A person can move out of hospice, so maybe your dad is going to do just that! Hope it has been an easier day.
  25. DonnaP

    Is this grief, or something else?

    That's pretty much it in a nutshell! Thanks for the comments, everyone! DonnaP
  26. StillWidowed

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Virgo, I go thru those phases. Depends on how much energy I have. I went out with a guy that is 12 years younger than me on Saturday night. Zzzzzzzzz couldn't get out of the restaurant fast enough. There was a guy next to us and we chatted some about the Titans Ravens game. Here he's on the dating site, messaged me the next day, and asked me out. Pretty funny, but not my type. I date now just for something to do
  27. Thank you, tybec My Dad is rallying, strong spirit and a will to live. "You just get through it". Yes ...
  28. rifatheroffour

    Celebrating his birthday

    We gather with friends and family at a local ice cream shop.
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