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  1. Past hour
  2. Virgo

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Congratulations Leadfeather! I'm happy for you!
  3. Yesterday
  4. Toosoon2.0

    How to live, and how

    I'm so sorry you both had to join us here. It will soon be six years for me, but I remember reading posts on the former iteration of this site who were like five or six years out and thinking, "There''s no way I am ever going to survive that long!" Yet, here I am - a lot of changes for sure but - still standing. While this page is not as active as the old board was, I highly recommend getting to know some other people in your same time frame/age bracket. Among many others who reached out to me, I found a diverse group of people early on and we messaged, texted and talked for hundreds of hours on the telephone for probably the first two years at least - our life stories and our circumstances were and are very different but our experience of the trauma of being widowed young was not - they "got it" when no one else did. I also met up in real life with widows and widowers who live near (or near-ish) to me - the first time I did this was at about 6 months. I was terrified, deeply grieving and never thought I would laugh ever again - but at that three hour lunch, I laughed more than I probably had in the prior two and a half years during my husband's illness and after his death combined. Though not as often anymore, I still message with my online group and other widowed friends and still get together with them and the local widow(er)s around here from time to time. I needed this support system badly those first few years. I am certain others here will agree - they honestly talked me away from totally falling apart (which also happened) more times than I can count. Sending you both wishes for peace and virtual support. Christine
  5. Lise Renée

    How to live, and how

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I also lost my spouse unexpectedly on June 16 while celebrating my birthday with all my friends. He was also 32 and I was celebrating my 33rd bday. He was killed in an ATV accident on our property, exactly where we had plans to build our new house this spring. Even though we have both lost our spouses, I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling. I’m almost at month 6 and it hasn’t gotten easier except that I’m not using alcohol and cigarettes to cope as much as i did at first. I have found a great therapist and grief support group, hope you seek this kind of support as well. All I can say is that you have some hard days ahead and it will all feel like a blurr. Hope you all have friends and family to help you through this .... I can’t imagine going through any of this without them. Another suggestion is to read about grief and spirituality/ afterlife (this was a whole new perspective for me as I didn’t know what I believed in before he died), it has definitely brought me some piece of mind and comfort - seeing a Medium also helped .... Also, don’t think about accepting the death, we are both far from accepting ... we’re still in disbelief and we will be for a while. Just take it one day at a time and don’t think too far ahead ... that’s what I keep telling myself when I wake up in the morning while I prepare for another hard day. Feel free to message me anytime, I’m sure we could somehow help each other get through these scary emotions. Take care.
  6. You expect to outlive your parents. You don't expect to outlive your spouse, your life partner. EVERYTHING changes with the death of a spouse who is your soulmate. NOTHING is ever the same again With the death of a parent, no matter how close you wete, changes some things but definitelynot everything. I was not in the least bit surprised by the vastly different reactions you express Hugs to you
  7. beth_krkswidow

    Cancer and my husband’s pajamas

    Sending hugs. SO sorry. Glad you have his pjs for comfort.
  8. Hello, All, I lost my wife, who is 32, about 4 weeks ago. She passed away after giving birth to our baby boy. The baby boy is doing ok at home, but he lost his mom, and I lost my wife, forever. I am still in shock and numb, and I can't feel anything. I am deeply sad, and outrageous. My wife just graduated with a PhD last year, and her career as a professor at a university just started. She worked 6 years for her PhD, and she spent all the weekdays and weekends on her research, and she just had her career started. Now, everything is gone. We have married for 10 years, and we know each other for 12 years. She is my everything, my love, my soul, my sunshine. I want nobody, but her. I talk to no one, but her. She is healthy according to all the standard, she does not have any disease, and she does not have pregnancy diabetes, nor hypertension, neither does she smoke, or use any drugs. I was in the operation room when the baby was born, but my wife never had the opportunity to hold her baby. She passed away in the operation room with no family member by her side. The last conversation I had with her was "what's wrong?" when I noticed she felt uncomfortable in the operation bed, and she told me" tired and exhausted". I was kicked out of the operation room when the situation got worse. Everything is a nightmare, and I can't accept this. Mom should be safe after giving birth to a baby, and a baby should have their mom with them. How to live on, and why is this happening? Why?
  9. Last week
  10. Captains wife

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Wow Leadfeather. I love reading great news like your on here !
  11. Needytoo, none of this is your fault. Please try to remember that. Stepthing is manipulative. She may try to rewrite what occurs but you know what really happened all these years. Hoping your visit with your dad is pleasant this weekend. Take care of you.
  12. Hey trying2! Funny you mention beef and potatoes; that's what we had last night. BF did the beef and I did homemade mashed. I am more of a gift-giver than he is, although our first Christmas together, he went all-out. They were quite the romantic gifts, I would say. Things were bad with his daughter last year and he didn't do anything at Christmas, other than cook a little. I don't expect to get a gift this year, with him being in school and all. It is what it is. I've already mailed out my Christmas cards, sent a gift to my mom and son, have a package for my sister-friend, and put a decoration on the front door. He can be sad if he wishes; I will let him alone to do so. He's been thinking about the kids and his granddaughter lately, not sleeping well. I don't get in it. He has to work it out for himself; all I can do is be there to listen as he feels the need to talk. I try to do that as best I can without casting judgment. Yes, time does fly, doesn't it? We've had our third Thanksgiving dinner together, this will be our third Christmas, and it's been 11 months since he moved in. May will be three years since our first date.
  13. Happy upcoming birthday, tybec - hope your celebration trip is wonderful. Good to know that you're in a routine with NG, whatever the circumstances, and doing okay. Hope that you can make it work and find the right trip to take together. arneal Yum - planning Xmas dinner already, I am too - thinking some kind of beef with mashed potatoes, and lots of veg sides. So I'm happily busy with Christmas prep, a much different feeling this year to be in a more festive mood. NG and I will again get into a different routine, our kids arrive soon and our time together will be a lot less. Recently told NG that I didn't see co-habiting until issues settle within our families - one that there is some kind of connection between me and his daughters, as of now there is nothing. And I need to come to terms with my in-laws and whether they meet him or not, it's much easier to maintain separate households right now. He asked what I wanted for Christmas - my response "I don't need anything". It's not about needing anything I realize - I don't want to force some kind of expectation of a romantic gift. Instead I suggested that we have a nice dinner out. He's okay with this, but I think that he would like to gift something and doesn't know what. Not sure what I'll gift him, but intend to get him something. It's hard to believe that it will be two years together with him in January - I'm happy with him, content in a way that feels comfortable. We're working through issues, not all is perfect - and we make the choice to move forward together. This coming year will be make or break, I believe - time will tell.
  14. trying2breathe

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Congratulations and very best wishes, Leadfeather!
  15. Needytoo

    My father isn't doing well, need your advice

    You guys are the best!! So sorry soloact for what you went through. Called stepwitch a few times to see when she is available so I can get the photos. She hasn't returned my call. Somehow she will make this my fault. Oh well, she can keep on trying to break my spirit. I too am getting good on cutting out the drama.
  16. Congrats Mathew and Rob.. Stay Blessed.
  17. Julester3

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    I love hearing the good news! Congrats!
  18. Happy almost-birthday, tybec! Too bad we aren't close to each other -- my 50th is in February and I have no idea what I'm going to do. BF doesn't really celebrate holidays or birthdays. After so much loss and as an only child, I become a kid about it all 😆 I haven't told him but I ordered a Christmas dinner for us from the same company I got our Thanksgiving lamb. It will be interesting to see what he thinks.
  19. Wheelerswife

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Wonderful, Matthew! I hope to someday find the right man for my Chapter 3. Chapters 1and 2 were wonderful, and I don’t want to settle for anything less than that! Maureen
  20. The holidays🎄 NG and I have had a couple nice weekends. He has traveled far with me for my son's school's state championship football game, and WE WON! Last weekend was the first time we saw his kids in 2 months. He paid for everything for a big holiday special treat and show. It was not age appropriate for my teen but my kid is a trooper, and NG paid. We had discussed that he chooses things only for his kids, and so us choosing not to go and me pay for things we didn't want to do anyway was another thing about integrating families. So, it was a good experience, and I didn't pay for it. He has heard me on that level then. His mother is coming for the holidays, and he and she are asking for gift ideas for me and my son. So, that is inclusive. And the BIG ONE! My 50th is coming up, and I will celebrate with a big trip. My LH and I started doing special things on birthdays shortly after his cancer and treatment. So this is no exception. LH didn't get to 50. NG and I have discussed it as he has his kids spring break. I did a completely adventurous summer vacation with him and his kids. It was fun, but NOT a 50th birthday type of trip at all. So, the planning. Can we make it work for all of us? It needs to be kid friendly, but I told him I am not hiking, climbing, ziplining, kayaking, whitewater rafting the entire trip. If we cannot come to terms, my son and I will find something special. He is trying. The next court hearing is in Feb. so that is a factor on some level. He is trying a lot, and I appreciate it. I have backed off, and we may see each other once a week, and that is our way currently. (sigh) It is the way it is. I am feeling better about ME, and that is good. And I am fortunate and thankful for so much this year. First world problems......
  21. Hi folks, I should chime in. I married my GF a bit over three months ago. She had never not been good to be with, whatever the situation, and getting together with her family last Christmas was so good I had a hard time not seeing her in my life. When she started asking what our future was, I felt all of the delaying tugs - wait another year and the kids would be (might be?) off to college, wait another three and I would maintain access to Michelle's social security benefits. But she was not at all inclined to "shack up", and that felt like it fit with who she was. I found my first marriage meant so much more than I had first expected that I wasn't sure that shacking up would work as I wanted it, either. And I also didn't feel like waiting for the calendar - I wanted to stop saying goodbye at the end of dates. If the financial thing mattered more, or if it felt like she was not coming from a genuine place regarding marriage, it would have felt different. I proposed near the end of June and we wed September 2, and I haven't looked back :-)
  22. arneal

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Congrat's to both of you, LF and Rob!!!
  23. RobFTC

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Congratulations, Leadfeather/Matthew! I'm glad you found your fit. I've been married for three months now. It's been great! Kathy is a heck of a woman to have in my corner. The dog and the cats have settled into a truce, we're making progress on the Too Much Stuff issue, and we have a fighting chance to get my kids off to post-secondary school. And we met on match.com, so good things can happen! Take care, Rob T
  24. Leadfeather

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Thank you. Thank you to everyone in this thread who helped me when I decided to reenter dating. Thank you for all the stories of bad dates, it was nice to know I was not the only one experiencing them. Thank you to all of those who gave advice when in my pain I was trying to make something permanent out of a relationship that was never going to be what I wanted. This thread and this community helped me get through all of the bad dates and wrong people that are out there and kept me searching. Six months ago I met someone who has become the one. Someone who loves me for who I am and loves my late wife, because she knows that Christine helped me become the man I am. Someone who shares my values. Someone who has walked her own broken and painful path and finds herself ready to love again. Someone I have fallen in love with. A few weeks ago I bought a ring. In a few more weeks, when we have each had a chance to speak individually with our adult sons and daughters we will officially be engaged. I suppose I should move to that other thread now. Matthew
  25. I'm also not a poster on facebook of much , part of it is just being sensitive to who else has to look at it.I know for sure it would upset one bil who struggles with the loss of his brother. Facebook would be just a pop up reminder , blindsiding him. It's hard enough for him even when he is mentally prepared and we meet in person. I share some tidbits from our lives but never is it the huggy pics you see on some profiles, or even the pics that I share here.
  26. faye

    Holiday question

    Meh, I was an adolescent in another life, and family things weren't of great appeal. I also went through an agnostic/atheist period and felt like kind of a fraud going to family Christmas things. I do enjoy my family, they're all really nice, warm folks. The Christmas feeling eluded me, and I just tried to portray someone who was a believer. I really, really was having a hard time with it. By 21, I was living in an apartment with a couple other women: preparing my own meals and cleaning up was not a new concept.
  27. tybec

    16 Years- One Tough Cookie

    I read your blog, and it was very well written and helpful, too. I really appreciate you and others' ability to put in words thoughts many of us have. It is so unreal often that life stopped and a new BOOK started, not just a new chapter. My life will forever be before and after. My son got glasses after LH"s death, so every picture of him is before and after. I, like you, and many, married my high school sweetheart. It is very challenging to change my identity and slow go. You all who share let me know it is possible, and I know necessary, but still possible and a good thing. THANK you so much.
  28. HIsChipmunk

    7 years; so short yet so long

    Seven years on 11/30. Haven't been on the site for a while but really felt the need for support. Thank you for still being here
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