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  1. Today
  2. Julester3

    Nobody gets it

    You are on your own timeline. There are no rules just what works for each individual in their own space and time. I'm happy in a relationship 2.5 years out after losing LH. However, I still do have his clothes and shoes in the closet. It's not for me but we have kids and our girls like seeing them there and get comfort from them. I would never deny them comfort when they have low days and it's a small thing. Sometimes it's healthier to distance yourself from people with strong opinions like that. Hugs for you today!
  3. Redhed

    Need help - completely broken

    Thank you so much for your replies. I know I need to find a way to be happy on my own but I just can’t seem to get there. I have days where I’m starting to feel better and then I come crashing down and feel so upset that he doesn’t love me anymore or maybe he never did. I have some amazing friends even though I have lost a lot of friends through the break up, but I don’t have any single friends, do it is difficult to arrange things as they are busy.
  4. beth_krkswidow

    Nobody gets it

    Shayla, I am at 2.5 years, am doing so very much better. If anyone had told me where I'd be now I wouldn't have believed them. However, his jeans still hang in the bathroom that he was going to wear the next day, his pictures are still everywhere, etc. They usually make me smile not cry these days.. but when I do cry, it's good not bad. You keep his pillow forever if ylou want. NO one has the authority to dictate that except you Four months is the rawest of grief time. No one understands that. They think 4 months is a long time. It's a nanosecond. H u gs
  5. Julester3

    Are there any normal men on dating sites?

    I honestly read that statement to interpret the implications that the older we get, the ratio of women to men is higher so it also makes dating tough because there is theoretically less available men than there are to available women.
  6. Huh? SS, I'm not understanding how you are reading that sentence as offensive. Where/how did I suggest it's okay for a woman to be played? Why would any thinking human think that? Let me try to clarify - I think it harder for the ladies than the guys due to reasons of security mainly, but also plenty of guys are buttheads that ask or allude to sex pretty damn quickly. I've had the odd, too fast request myself, but I just laughed it off. I wasn't afraid. Turn the tables and I imagine a woman would be both annoyed and a bit afraid. I could be wrong though. Best wishes - Mike
  7. sudnlysngl

    Are there any normal men on dating sites?

    This right here says it ALL..... So many players out there now, dishonest people to have to weed through, and with us all getting "older", we don't have the patience like we used too... Although, I don't know that it's harder for women than men. kind of find that one offensive, just saying. It is 2018 when are men going to learn that we womens don't like being played??? duhhh It's time for all sexes to stop being immature and act like kind, mature, and loving people. How about that?
  8. Julester3

    Are there any normal men on dating sites?

    It takes patience and a sense of fortitude that you can filter and wade through the prospects. I've had many ups and downs with the online dating and now I have many a funny tale to tell. With patience, I've found someone I really truly like and respect that I've been with for the last 8 months. It's not easy but as Mike suggested, take a different approach to it and make it fun and chalk it up as a life experience.
  9. Ronda - I have now been married for ten years following the death of my late wife. I met my current wife through a faith-based online site. I found it to be a wonderful experience - a great opportunity to meet a bunch of new folks. Oh, there were some rough patches along the way, but by in large, a very positive experience. I think the big difference between online dating and the in person version is you automatically reject a bunch of guys in real life without any real contact. You know, you notice body language, looks, the way they walk (confident, beat down, neutral), etc. just by observation. They, and you, have rejected them from the pool of possible candidates for a bunch of reasons. You just know some of them aren't for you. It's all good. That's much harder to do in the online space. Sure, you have a profile to read but that doesn't give you much, so, a physical meet is needed to be set up and followed through with. And, when you meet, it's just the two of you usually. Not in a (many times) a group setting doing it the old fashioned way. The result of this then is you have to meet a lot of frogs to identify a possible prince. It's hard work! Then of course it is harder for women than the men now a days. There are fewer available men as a matter of demographics. More players than you'd meet in real life. We're all older and have already partially build our lives with someone else - but now that is gone. It's not like we are starting off our adult lives with one guy. We're trying to get it started again but this time jumping into the middle. Not easy. But, like I stated earlier, it can be done. Just keep at it - don't drop what is important to you but, at the same time, be open to new situations and personality types. I was lucky to have a ball dating online. I learned something important from each and every woman I went out with, even though many were not for me - and I not for them. My current wife and I knew instantly we were meant for each other. Blending our families, finances, and faith was painless. Try to approach it as an adventure and to just have fun. The right guy is out there, but it may take a bit of searching to find him. He is looking just as hard for you. Really! :) Good luck and best wishes - Mike
  10. Trying

    Need help - completely broken

    Redhed I am so sorry you are having to deal with the pain of the end of this relationship. Aside from agreeing with the others about counseling I don't have any sage advice, just wanted to say I'm glad you're here and hope you find it to be as supportive as I have.
  11. Trying

    Grade 3 inoperable glioma

    I'm very sorry to hear about your friend Serpico. I hope his end is quick and painless as his family does.
  12. Haha My guy is also Dutch.......and he definitely doesn't have the tidiness or decorator gene in him. But he does run a greenhhouse so he's keeping up dutch traditions in some way.
  13. Today will be 4 years for me. Thank you for all your post as at times I feel like it was yesterday. Just the feeling that the life we had planned really , really isn't going to happen can be hard to grasp. Feels as if I kept holding on to the illusion that it would all some day feel and be the same as when he was here.
  14. Wheelerswife

    Are there any normal men on dating sites?

    I have recently started looking at online dating. I met one man a couple of weeks ago. He was still married and living with his wife, although they had agreed that they didn’t want to be married anymore. Let’s just say he wasn’t very self-aware. He wasn’t available on so many levels. I nicely told him this...and through our conversation, I believe he came to understand. He needs friends and a lawyer, not a date! Maureen
  15. sojourner

    Grade 3 inoperable glioma

    Yeah, as sudnlysngl said, absolutely, whatever is an option from how you used to hang out would be so great!!! Treat him as your friend like you always have, alongside of keeping with his hospice care plan. End of life comfort care may involve various medications which need to be taken into consideration. For whatever it's worth, (or not), I never have said goodbye. I've said, " 'til next time," or "I'll see you soon." In our views of eternity, we've been good with that in my family, but that's my situation. Just say what you feel needs to be said between you guys, or whatever you feel is fitting for him/his family if they're present. Every situation is different, but I'm sure you'll be able to find the best path for your friend and yourself. At the end of the day, we just do what we can, knowing we can't change just how bad this hurts when all is said and done. And my sympathies to you and the rest of his loved ones.
  16. KrypticKat

    Are there any normal men on dating sites?

    I actually met my late husband online. However I had to sift through a sea of duds before I found him. Years of ridiculous dates. Comical even. I am by no means an expert as I've only had one 'relationship' since my husband. It was only 3 months of dating but ending that was super hard and brought up a lot of grief because it was a disappointment and another ending. I guess what I'm trying to say is feeling super disappointed is pretty normal. You're going to be sensitive after what you've been through and the disappointment of something with potential not working out will feel worse. There are good people online. My husband was a testament to that. But you have to be patient and try not to set your expectations too high. I'm sorry you found one of the Duds. At least you found out early and you can get out now. Hugs.
  17. Went on two dates with a man I met online, talked and texted with him for two weeks and first two dates went well. I showed up at his place today to go on third date and he had been drinking and was acting like a completely different person than the one I liked. I am so upset. This is the first man that I have tried to date since loosing my husband nine years ago. Just wondering if anyone had any luck finding someone normal through online dating.
  18. shayla

    Nobody gets it

    I get it. I'm almost at the 4-month mark. I have a friend that I am thinking should become an ex-friend. She keeps comparing my husband's death to her divorces and trying to tell me what I need to do to get over it. Most recently she told me, I should get rid of my husband's pillow because it isn't good for me to be sleeping with it still. It doesn't make me sad, I feel comforted having it there. I always stole his pillow every time he got out of bed, so it's a small thing that makes me feel normal. Some of the things she has said make me want to scream. I'm really trying to disengage from her at this point.
  19. Well.... I hesitate to tell you all this, since it might sound like some serious bragging... my bf is neat and tidy, an excellent- albeit limited- cook, and has a great eye when it comes to decorating. I mean, perhaps his orderliness comes from his Dutch ancestry? And he has his degree from an Art Institute, so that accounts for his taste. In this case, I’m the one who he feels is too lackadaisical around the house 🤣 And I can find it frustrating at time that he wants to participate so fully in the aesthetic decisions.
  20. Yesterday
  21. I'm feeling confident on amazing, I hope that it will be true!
  22. sudnlysngl

    Grade 3 inoperable glioma

    I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Serpico. I can clearly hear my dh in my head right now saying the one thing that hurt him the most was how everyone treated him like he had the "plague". He just wanted to be treated like they always did, ya know? So tell him bye, say the things you want to say. Like you will miss him , etc. Ask him if there is anything he would like you to do perhaps for him after he is gone. Other than that, just be yourself. Have a beer with him if that is what the two of you used to do. And don't forget to enjoy the time you have with your friend.... I'm sure you will be awesome... Again, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, and so sorry for his family....
  23. beth_krkswidow

    Nobody gets it

    Amen to all the above comments. As Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a grief expert [if you ever get the chance to hear him speak, DO IT] says, Some of what people say is harmful but mostly what theybsay is "True... BUT NOT HELPFUL!" He's no longer in pain...true..,NOT HELPFUL You have the rest of your lufe,,,True..,NOT HELPFUL etc.etc They are clueless DGI's and I wanted to punch them in the throat
  24. hey guys hadn't been on in a while ...life gets busy. ...I think i just spent 20 minutes reading to get caught up. 😁 Trying2 your holiday sounds good...I think holidaying together is a great way to get to know people. two weeks of togetherness can be very telling... I laughed at the different descriptions of the state of your guys places. My NG's place when I first met him was half painted, had a couch and a table. He had tidied up dishes but wiping down counters did not occur to him. After a couple of visits a very nice decorative side table and some pretty lights appeared. I found out later his 23 yo daughter had visited him and told him that if he wanted to impress me he should work on making his house more appealing. Wiping down counters still didn't occur to him. He is a horrible housekeeper and the bad thing was he had all sorts of people in his life that were enabling him. ( ie every time his neighbour or daughter dropped in they would load up the dishwasher or whatever) Now I am bit bold and after I knew him better I started to tease/tell him he was a horrible housekeeper.....and I started telling his neighbours etc not to lift a finger when they were visiting....forcing him to do the cleanup more regularly....you know what he's getting better😀. He even wipes up the coffee spills off the counter sometimes.
  25. I read just the other day...about childhood trauma-and it mentioned that remarriage with kids (didn’t specify whether it was divorce or widow)..the worst time to remarry is between the age of 10-16. Something about adolescent brain development. It may just be bullshit study..but it said kids are more adaptable before age 10...and more accepting after age 16. But really every situation is unique..but my kids hit smack in the middle 11,14 and 15.😂😂😂 And NG has his own set of issues (crazy ex, needy Mom, druggie soon to be daddy son)... Actually my life is easier to manage than his. Never thought i would meet meet someone with a crazier set of circumstances than mine. But I found them. I’ll be a girlfriend at 70 I’m afraid! (Hey it maybe a good fit for me)
  26. sojourner

    Grade 3 inoperable glioma

    Serpico, I'm so sorry that his passing is apparently fast approaching. Prayers for a quick and comfortable passing for your friend when his time comes. My LH and oldest sister both passed from cancers; I know what it's like to pray for loved ones to depart once it's extremely clear there'll be no earthly healing and you see them suffer. Prayers for peace and comfort for his family and friends.
  27. serpico

    Grade 3 inoperable glioma

    My friend is being brought home today for his final days/weeks. The family has been praying for either a miracle or a quick and painless end, and it looks like they're going to get the latter of the two. I hope to spend some time with him this weekend. It's so strange that he's walking and talking and mostly making sense but they say he could literally go at any time.
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