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  1. Today
  2. Think of your life like a business. Anything you are not good at or want to do...outsource it.
  3. Yesterday
  4. BrokenHeart2

    Somedays are harder than others

    Ditto to LF and J3 said. They may mean well but it really is not any of their business unless you asked them for their opinion. If you didn't, why do they even care. In my early days I found people close to me thought they could just say things to me they never would have said if DH was here. I found it bothersome and weird. At the same time I do remember that early on I was emotionally thin skinned whereas now I just ignore them. Happy quilting!! Hugs
  5. I’m so sorry Tybec- it was so brave of you to make this decision even if is the right decision for you. For some time you have seemed unhappy with all the drama and he way NG has dealt with his kids/custody. I completely get it when you’ve reached your limit. You deserve everything you want and you really have given it your all....I’ve been through a few breakups post widow (one serious) and it’s good to keep busy, please vent here if you need/want support and keep away from him (if you are interested I’ve read a few break up support books that helped) and they all say to stay away. Believe me, with time no contact makes it easier and gives more clarity to the situation. I wish you all the best - and look forward to hearing more of your next chapter.
  6. Totally agree with Leadfeather on this. Why take on anything you don’t want to? I know I am capable of mowing but I don’t want to mow. There are no rules just what works for you and we are all different. I know I’m staying in my house until my youngest graduates and then I have to downsize. Our house is too expensive for up keep in the long term. It’s fine for now. Stick to your gut instinct here. It’s far better than outside advice people love to give!
  7. Great, I'm glad to hear she is doing well.
  8. Leadfeather

    Somedays are harder than others

    She is doing very well. They do not know what caused all the dizziness but it seems to have passed.
  9. Thank you for the affirmation Leadfeather. By the way, how is your fiancé? I thought about that trip to the E.R. that you had.
  10. Leadfeather

    Somedays are harder than others

    Do what you want to do. They are not in your shoes and while they mean well they do not know your needs as well as you do. I sold my 5 bedroom house a few years after my wife died. She did most of the yard work because she had time to do so. I could not keep it up. I tried an apartment it was fun for a while but isolating. Then I bought a much smaller house since my kids are leaving or have left the nest. It is where my fiance and I will start our new chapter together. It is your life. Make a quilt if you want to and if you can afford it hire someone to do the stuff you can or don't want to do. Sell the house when you are ready or don't if you want to keep it. After being married for 25 years, it took me a while to adjust to doing what I wanted with my life without talking it out with my partner. Remember it is your life and there is no reason you can not live it as you choose. Your late husband would want you to live a life that brings you joy. Honor his memory by doing so.
  11. I'm pretty sure I am not alone, but lately (I am at 4 months) I am getting a lot of advice. A lot of reading said I shouldn't make major decisions about moving for about a year if I could stay in my present situation. Well, I have a 3 bedroom/2 bath house on 1/2 acre, I have someone take care of cutting the lawn, I/we always have. I am now getting advice that I should buy a riding lawn mower and start doing it myself. I have never, and I am 65, mowed a lawn. A lot of single (not just widows) women that feel I should start tackling big chores around the house. Staining the deck, power washing the house, mowing the lawn. I don't get it. I am also finding it depressing that these people think I should start doing all these things that I have never done. I feel more empowered making a quilt.
  12. Last week
  13. I'm so sorry Tybec. I know this is difficult. Take the time to grieve the relationship and the hopes you had for it. Lean on us here. We love you <3
  14. I notice lately I walk around saying Fuck under my breath. A lot. All I can say is F, F, F!!
  15. Leadfeather

    Song's that bring a tear.

    new song came on as I pulled out of the driveway on the way to work. I was bawling by the time I had gone a block. Had to stop at my Fiancée’s house for a hug.
  16. Fuck social media and everybody's fucking happy (fake) Father's Day posts...
  17. Hey tybec -- glad to hear you are doing okay. Your post here about the birthday reminds me of this guy I ... how does one say tastefully? ... spent a bit of time with after the first husband died. I was lonely and after the ways the first husband talked to me about myself, I was seeking affirmation as a woman. I saw this guy sort of frequently as he lived upstairs from my mom at the time. We'd talk, I thought he was cute, there seemed some attraction. We spent time alone sometimes and looking back, I was that total booty call. Anyway, one day I was driving somewhere and saw him out fishing with this woman. It hit me like a ton of bricks: my mind flashed to those times when he'd call me to say he was at his daughter's house or at friend's and he was on his way home, could he stop by. It was always under cover of darkness that he'd look me up. Yet, here he was, out fishing with this woman in broad daylight where anyone driving by the creek could see. Never me. We never once went on a date. I was SO angry. Not at him but at myself. I stopped answering his calls. If I did pick up by accident, I was always busy. When I'd go see my mom and he'd try to talk to me, I would ignore him, but politely. One evening we ended up talking and he pulled out a gun, acted like I was supposed to be scared; I was again furious -- I'd told him the first husband had been abusive and in that moment, I realized he hadn't heard me at all. I looked him in the eye and said to him, 'Is that supposed to scare me? You obviously don't know what I've been through. I owned two guns, both bigger than that, before they got stolen. Gimme a break'. He was shook up bad. He would try to talk to me but I'd moved on. I met LH soon after that. They knew each other. This guy even approached LH once (well before we married) and told him that he'd stolen 'his girl'. That's how I found out they knew each other -- LH told me the guy had stepped to him and I busted out laughing at first, then told him that we'd seen each other a few times, that he lived upstairs from my mom, but never EVER acted like he wanted to actually date. So um, no. I wasn't 'his' anything. After LH and I married and I bought a house, I saw the dude at the store. He'd changed a lot. We had a good chat and I told LH when I got home. We laughed about it -- snooze you lose sort of thing. I connected to the guy for a while on social media; quite a few people I knew were connected to him as well (small town life) but I was on the other side of the country. Last year when I was cleaning up my contacts, I deleted him in the group of people who either never posted anything to me or whose feeds were just not interesting to me. Haven't heard from him since. I'm due to go back and see my mom in about a week; it would be weird running into him, but whatever. Point is, no amount of loneliness is worth our ... worth. You are important, tybec. If he couldn't see that, his loss. He snoozed and lost.
  18. That works, doesn't it? As my boss says (after offering to bring back coffee and being told no thanks) Hey, I get credit for asking!
  19. patriciad

    Life just kept moving on without you.

    I so often think of what life would have been like if Billy had lived. He has missed so much. We were supposed to grow old together. He was supposed to be here for our sons. I feel so bad that he has missed enjoying them as adults. Ten years has flown by but in some ways it feels like yesterday. I don't think I will ever stop missing him. Sigh.
  20. Thank you all. Today is NG’s birthday. I read up on texting him HBD. I am not going to. Stay clear. That is hard. 3 yrs with some one and can’t even text. But it is not recommended by most when reading about break ups. I am lonely. I am trying to remember why I decided this. And it’s been brewing for months. I reached out at work and have a GNO planned Saturday night. Monday lunch with my fellow widow friend who is also a psychologist, so my more non bias sounding board person. It’s hard. But not like losing your mate to death. I am thankful for that. Fairlanegirl- rented that movie. A bit dark to me but I get it. My life has been so “vanilla”, there sure can be some strangeness out there. But the character keeps going 😊
  21. Oh man I am so sorry. That's so rough. ((((((((Tybec)))))))))
  22. Tybec- You made much effort, you were flexible, and you were understanding. You did so much more and you can’t wait for him. You tried but his situation is just dragging out and kudos for recognizing that you found your limit. Relationships shouldn’t be as hard as his situation made it for you. Hugs and strength! Chalk it up as a learning experience. That’s what I do with almost everything I experience now and move on.
  23. WHAT SHE SAID! You got this girl! I agree being alone sucks, but it's better than settling for the wrong thing! …. Do right by YOU and the right will come along. I'm right there with you waiting for the right one too.... (((((hugs)))))
  24. Eddienhp

    There's hope for me yet....

    A lot of people tell me there is hope for me too, that I am still young, etc. What they don't realize is I have no interest. I am busy raising my kids. Maybe one day but not now. I think it is more a societal matter that people need to be coupled. Many people feel uncomfortable being alone. They project their own fear and insecurities onto us by making these comments. I find peace and tranquility in being alone. I love this! Oh Hell no!!! LOL
  25. Eddienhp

    Will our 4 year old remember Daddy?

    My kids were 5 and 2 when my husband died. They do not remember him. That said, they do enjoy talking about him, looking at his artwork and using his items. My daughter plays my husband's flute. She loves rocks and minerals which my husband had a collection. Both of my kids are so much like their father. We talk about that a lot. What traits and talents they share with my husband. I also have a stepdaughter we see once a month. Both she and I talk about memories that my children listen too. Your child's relationship continues with their dad. It's just in a different way.
  26. Bunny

    Wedding anniversary

    I’m sorry those memories are dominating right now. I hate it when all I can see is the sickness stuff, very frustrating. I am hoping you are able to have some happy memories today also.
  27. Julester3

    Wedding anniversary

    Hugs Maureen!
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