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  1. Last week
  2. Sassy

    New here

    Maureen, thank you so much for your reply, I am so sorry for what you've been through! I have been in therapy off and on. I'm in the process of getting back in to see someone. I know I need time but time is what bothers me. I want to be married again someday. I feel like I just wasted 7 years on this guy and now I'm going to wait several more until I find someone right. I guess I'm impatient lol. Your reply gave me things to think about though and it makes me feel better knowing people are out there who get it. Paul thank you for your reply also! I'm so glad I found this forum, it's so hard to talk to people who have no idea what it's like. Even reading the posts here makes me feel better! It's been so long I feel like I should be further along in the process than I am but like Maureen said, it's complicated grief. Thank you both again!
  3. PaulZ

    New here

    Hi Sassy, glad you came to this forum. There are a variety of topics in here that will likely mean something to you. My wife passed away 4.5 years ago. Having kids (I have only one) presents lots of other challenges, but also lots of love and support. There's lots of people here who have gone through a lot. Some can share what has worked well and what hasn't gone well for them. I hope you find some of these experiences helpful for you. I certainly found a community here who understood pretty well what I was going through.
  4. Wheelerswife

    New here

    Hi, Sassy. I don’t post much anymore, but I saw your message and wanted to reply. I was widowed 11 1/2 years ago. I met a widower 6 months later and at 12 months out, I moved to be with him. We married 18 months after I lost my first husband. It was truly wonderful. Don’t be hard on yourself for finding a connection early in widowhood. Less than 3 years after we married, my second husband died unexpectedly in his sleep. I was heartbroken again. It took me a much longer time to consider meeting someone new again. I have been seeing a 2x widowed man for about 16 months now. We are taking things much slower than in the past. I’m okay with that. It has been 7 years since my second husband died. I’m not in a hurry to get married, but we now talk about a future together. He just lost his mother to COVID, so he has even more on his plate now. Take the time you need to address your grief (which might be complicated.) Take the time to process this recent relationship (which might be complicated.) It might be hard to be alone. I get it. I did see a counselor for quite awhile after my second husband died. It helped to put words on my confusing feelings and it validated my experiences. Hugs to you, Maureen
  5. Hello, I am new to the forum. I was widowed in 2013. Pat died from suicide. We have 4 children. I did what they say not to and moved to another state within months of Pats death and also started a relationship. That ended up being a bad choice. I am now out of that and struggling to cope with everything I had pushed away for 7 years. I don't even know what I feel or want to feel anymore. Thanks for reading.
  6. I hope the rollout is going well in your area. It's all goofed up here. The governor has one set of priorities. The county us using the CDC guidelines but not the revised guidelines. I doubt anyone has a clue. The largest employer in this state is a hospital system. They are now accepting vaccine registrations from people age 80 and older. The only way to register is via the hospital's proprietary app. Does anyone else see possible issues with requiring people 80 and older to use an app exclusively? On two occasions I received email from the governor asking me to return to work. No way. Yesterday another email asking me to be a volunteer vaccinator. I have the skills and the time. I would be more than happy to help *if* I was vaccinated prior to beginning. It's vitally important to get as many people vaccinated as quickly as possible. I am not willing to put myself at risk for the opportunity to be a free nurse. Too bad bureaucrats don't live in the real world. What's happening where you live?
  7. Earlier
  8. Lewis

    Thoughts...

    Having a broken heart from the loss of my wife, I found that God used many people to help comfort my five young children and me. Family, friends and my local church came to our rescue many times as we were in a desperate mode of survival. There were even random strangers that offered kind words at times when we desperately needed encouragement. As I have many memories of love and encouragement that I received in my time of grief, I also remember times when I would get unwanted philosophies or vein attempts at easing the mood. I am convinced that each odd conversation was meant to comfort, but in reality made my emotional state worse. Some think that you have to say something to help the grieving, while others offer availability to do anything if the grieving just calls them. Neither of these responses is bad, they just do not necessarily help the grieving. A quickly spoken cliché may be like a dagger in the heart; and an option to call will likely pass as an empty offer that will never happen. Realizing that our culture does not know what to do with those in grief, I hope this forum offers comfort into the grieving mind from others in our same grief. Lewis
  9. faye

    Zoom Widowbago anyone?

    I don't know why it's taken nine months for anyone to suggest this. I have no imagination, that's my excuse. I've done the zoom thing for work, I think, unless one is a paying client, one is limited in time. It's certainly worth looking into. After all, at this point, we've all got our Zoom wardrobes and lighting worked out.
  10. I believe a lot of non-widowed people look at widowed people with old fashioned ideals. We have lots of money after our spouses pass. We cry all the time. If we should go out to dinner with others do we just cry all the time? These are some of the ideas I got myself after my husband passed. At one point my daughter who was in her early 20s told me she did not want me to go through the rest of my life alone. So I took it upon myself and tried online dating. That's where I found out the people on those dating sites are scammers who thought I had lots of money. Definitely NOT true. At least in my case. When I would meet up with other wids my best friend asked me what did I do at the dinners I would go to. I looked forward to meeting up with strangers I met through the grief support group such as the ones on here. I had to tell her the same things she and I would do when we would get together; have a cocktail and/or dinner and have a good time. Now that she is recently widowed she now understands what I went through. So after 6+ years I finally met someone. We have been together 7 1/2 years. The first 3 years we talked in the morning before he went to work. He called me when he got home. He worked 12 hour days.........6 days a week. Doesn't leave much time to get a relationship off the ground. But we made the best of it. I would see him from midnight Friday to about 11AM Sunday morning during the winter months. During the spring/summer months he had every Saturday off and every other Friday. We jammed in as much as we could. Heck we even managed a couple of road trips. I was currently unemployed the first 2 years of our relationship. Luckily, for us our families are happy for us.....our kids....extended families....our friends. Right now we are both retired. He moved with me 3 1/2 years ago. We purchased our first home and I am currently preparing my home to put on the market. As for your mother..................yes she is over-reacting. You need to do what is right for you. You are well over the age of consent. But maybe your mother feels she will be left out. When possible after this crap show is over........plan a get together and have her come and get to know your new guy. Just never know.
  11. jeff1038

    Zoom Widowbago anyone?

    As we cannot meet, would anyone be interested in a Zoom Widowbago? Videos optional.
  12. rifatheroffour

    Say Their Name

    Her name was Falguni, Fal to most of the world, Falgu to her family, mom to her 4 children. Wow...she's been gone almost 8 years now and I am definitely beyond active grieving but just typing this out brought tears. I miss hearing her name too.
  13. Hello everyone! I guess the site had some issues for sure as I was trying to get in touch with admin's and had no luck. I guess they don't come in here much either. The holiday has been quiet in our house also; I had a minor surgery to remove a lipoma from my left arm that was an impetus for me not to do as much work online over this time as I usually would. I've been binge watching tv more than anything. I just hopped on here for a work meeting and am getting some things done in prep for the new terms. BF has been in his own head a lot as the holidays tend to be tough for him. I just let him be as I can't change that. I started counseling (online, via an app, thanks to my insurance) last year and because of schedule and holiday won't see the counselor again until 8 January; I decided I needed general support to make sure I wasn't seeing the world peculiarly. It's good and I usually meet with her once every couple weeks. I'm planning for 2021 to be a time where BF will have to step up his game. He depends on me a lot, I suppose because this is my house. I don't depend on him to do things. Either I do them, pay to get them done, or they don't happen. I found a service that will come and clean the dog poop up in the yard; I was doing it but it was tough with the lipoma and besides it's not something I want to do, frankly. And with two dogs as large as these two, it's a hassle. The day I told BF they were coming, he says that I could have told him and he'd do it ... I'm thinking, the poop has been there but you don't get it up, unless it's in the way of work you need to do in the yard. The cat has been a bit under the weather as well, which translates to loose stool in his outdoor enclosure. I refuse to clean it up. His hair is matted in certain places and BF mentions how bad it is. I guess that's his attempt to get me to take care of it, but I have enough to do. I do care for the cat but I can't do everything and shouldn't have to. Part of the plan is to have the 'love language' conversation -- my primary is acts of service so for me, it isn't enough to talk about things. It's about doing things. LH used to say 'the 'was-gonnas', as in 'I was gonna do that'. We had an interesting talk about a month ago where I asked him what I could do better; he said he couldn't think of anything and does his best not to find fault anyway because (paraphrasing his words) he has enough faults of his own that he's working on to look for them in me. He said he worries that I'll get tired of his faults. I found it interesting that he didn't ask me the same question in return, but I guess that's how it goes when you look at yourself and tend to see the negative. Should be an interesting conversation ... Anyway, wishing you all a wonderful and blessed new year -- do keep in touch, now that we can get in here again!
  14. Glad that you got in, Julester. I was getting the same message, maybe why it's so quiet here. Our new chapters may look entirely different than what we expect, an adjustment but not a bad thing I think. After getting back into dating, I naively thought that I would move from a two parent two kid household to a Brady Bunch kind of a situation. Why did I think that?! hahahaha Tired here too, really hoping 2021 brings some relief to what we're all dealing with. It's been a melancholy holiday, low key and quiet Christmas with my elderly mom here for part of the day, newly divorced brother, daughter and NG. Focused on food and being together, a good thing. Blending with NG's family was not an issue this year, his eldest daughter was here for a week and using Covid as an excuse (she arrived and said she had been recently exposed) I chose to not see her at all. It was so good to not have the drama and angst this holiday. NG and I recently had a rare evening out, I struck up a conversation with a friend of a friend. The friend asked about NG, how long married, etc. Told her we were together almost 4 years, not living together, no plans to marry but committed. She was surprised and interestingly said that this was the ideal situation. Seems that her 25 year marriage was not great and she would love to have what I do. Makes me go hmmm ... Best wishes for a blessed and Happy New Year.
  15. tybec

    Say Their Name

    His name was Tyler. Woody to his military comrades. TK to his college friends. Typhootie to his aviation friends. Big Daddy T, T-Diddy, or the Bens to the church youth. He was daddy to his only child. And he was mine. ❤️
  16. Here are 3 songs that reveal so much of what my experience with loss has been like. I am so appreciative of this music and for the poignant words that even now, more than 4 years later, evoke emotions only understood once you've lost the person you love most in life. 1. My Beloved Wife - Natalie Merchant 2. Don't, This Way - 77's 3. Goodbye - Plankeye
  17. Avemaria6

    Still crying constantly and so lonely

    I've done all that. The loneliness is unbearable at times. The Grieving is a process and it's hard to believe 9 mths have passed. I want him back, but the heartache of never seeing him again in this world is so hard to accept 💔 going to the cemetery everyday gives me some comfort and peace. I just lost my 36 yr old niece and her unborn child suddenly. She leaves behind 4 small children and her husband. The burial was today and it brings back anxiety and stress for me. It's so sad.
  18. trying2breathe

    Say Their Name

    His name was Jeff. I get teary eyed when I hear his name still.
  19. I was having a hard time getting on to the website. I kept getting a message about the website having compromised security and was unstable so my laptop and iPhone couldn't log in. I am surprised I was able to get in today! I miss coming in and checking in regularly. I'm not actively grieving but I get teary sometimes when a memory hits me. I hope you all had a good Christmas and are doing okay. I'm simply tired. This pandemic is exhausting. I am hoping 2021 will improve. I had a talk with NG and he knows he wants a future with me but needs to figure things with the ex and his kids. I see him once a week. We have cross mingled our households during the pandemic. NG and ex have shared custody so the kids move back and forth constantly so they live like 10 minutes from one another. She got a job promotion about an hour away west from where they live. I live a 35 minute drive east of them. I work 40 minutes closer to the Wisconsin border. I'm staying put where I am and I remain constant. I'm not ready to move. I love my house. My daughters are still in high school and trade school here. Maintaining status quo here, I guess. Have a peaceful New Year!
  20. Julester3

    Say Their Name

    His name was Josh to all who knew him...Josh-you-wa when he was trouble with me...afffectionately Yoshi to me..daddy to my girls. My thing is the empty feeling I feel when I hear the name used but knowing it's not my Josh.
  21. Julester3

    3 things I did today

    1. Got daily exercise in 2. Left the house to get pet food - apparently Amazon is delayed so I would rather have an emergency stash than hope it arrives in time 3. Picked up an abandoned craft project to work on I have a few days off before I have to go back to work. Christmas was brief in order to keep it safe so I was okay with it. New Year's will low key.
  22. Julester3

    Whom do I love?

    It could be that you need to process this with a counselor. It sounds like you're having a reaction because now that you are seeing someone, it's sort of coming out. Good luck!
  23. Julester3

    My Dad died

    So sorry to hear this. No advice on the will. It doesn't seem unreasonable to ask.
  24. Now that we are in between holidays, after Christmas, before New Year's, I hope all are doing okay.
  25. Julester3

    Thank you.

    Good to hear from you LF! I'm happy you are doing well.
  26. Julester3

    Old pictures of my LH are now new

    I left photos of LH out for my girls but I did move them to just the living room and the upstairs hallway. I removed photos of him from the family room and my bedroom since I'm in a committed relationship.
  27. I'm late to the post but I feel she's overreacting.
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