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  1. Last week
  2. StillWidowed

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    I know it was a deliberate deception on his part. My mistake that I left this out.......everything centered around sex. Conversations in person, via text, telephone. All sex. He pushed the subject constantly. It was very clear after a week what he was crazy about and it wasn't me. It was what I could offer him from the waist down.
  3. Love2fish

    3 things I did today

    1. Got my snowshoes to work despite not having tested them for years. 2. Stomped around the front yard with the roof rake and cleared a few feet back at the eves. 3. Now wondering if I need another snowblower and how I would ever use more than one.
  4. Bubu27

    widowed 3rd may 2019

    Yes, that's how I have felt too. Sadness doesn't preoccupy my mind every second of the day as it used to and it makes me fell like I didn't love Ken enough? My logical mind knows it's stupid but I can't help feeling this way
  5. Bubu27

    widowed 3rd may 2019

    Dear @simon8164. It's coming up to 4 years (19th Jan) since my husband is gone and even though my grief is different to what it was in the first couple of years, it is and always will be there and I too can't wait to the day I am reunited with him. Last Sun was my birthday and all I could think of was - 1 year less without Ken. Same with every 19th Jan - in the first years it was the hardest day, now - I almost celebrate it as a year less without Ken. Hang on there, time flies and you will see your Maria sooner then you think xx
  6. Love2fish

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    SW Do you have the sense that this was a deliberate deception on his part? I don't doubt that it often is but I am curious about how often it is deliberate deceit vs. how often the "mosting" is a result of love at first sight. I'm a believer in love at first sight. My last true love started that way. Mea culpa, I've had a few heartbreaks start that way as well but never with the intent to disappear. Some of us just fall in love too quickly. Trust me, I am not negating your point of view. Men are pigs. Just wondering what the percentages are between players and good guys.
  7. StillWidowed

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Ok, so I met a guy and we went out a few times (different guy from above post). He came on strong. Talked about how he was head over heels crazy about me. I'm so beautiful and sexy and on and on and on. Couldn't believe his luck...blah blah blah. Of course this lady ain't no dummy. I knew these were potential red flags. Talked about how amazing sex would be with me.....more blah blah blah. Mind you we had known each other a total of ......10 days! So I had to have the talk and let him know I was in no way moving at the same lightning speed that he was. I like to take my time and get to know a person. Well.....you can guess, I'm sure. Slowly I heard from him less and less until he sent me the text that he was going to back off. Things going on in his life right now, he understood if I moved on without him.....more blah blah blah. It was actually comical. I responded with no worries, we've known each other less than 2 weeks and of course I'm going to date others. So, I happened to come across an article about dating, and it mentioned a word called "mosting". It's a sub category of ghosting...LOL. It's when the guy comes on really strong right out of the gate with the end goal of getting sex and then disappearing. I was cracking up. Does this generation really need to name things that have been happening from the beginning of time? The timing was impeccable. Dating = thick skin!
  8. donswife

    3 things I did today

    1. Got my snowblowers to work despite not test driving them before the 2 feet of snow 2.I was proud of myself that I just didn’t stay in my comfy bed and ignore the storm but got up and got things done ! 3.Actually ended up enjoy the snow after all the work was done. helps having a black lab that adores the snow
  9. soloact

    What would you do??

    Steph, if the jurisdiction that probated his will did not require notification I don't think you have an obligation. I'm in a state that requires notification to anyone who would have inherited if the decedent was intestate. Seems you've done what was required. I respectfully suggest that you use your best judgement in this matter. If you feel there may be a hassle you don't need you have your reasons. Wishing you peace.
  10. Yes, I believe it would be wrong. If you’re not going to include the daughter you may as well leave him out of your plans as well. You would be putting him in an impossible position.
  11. Fuck you SIL.... last year you, yet again, made sure that I knew you didn't consider me and my children (YOUR niece and nephew) part of the family ... but again when MIL needs someone to be with her for a medical procedure you expect me to drop everything and be there (MIL is 95, legally blind, has mobility issues and is sundowning to the point that she keeps asking me why DH doesn't call her anymore but I just took her to the beach for Thanksgiving because SIL hasn't taken her out of the building since putting her in assisted living last year). I made a promise to DH to watch out for MIL, but that doesn't include jumping to your bidding when you make appointments for her that you can't attend, for procedures I don't agree with, when your daughter is geographically closer and is the medical POA!
  12. My kids still hate hearing "I'm sorry for your loss", my daughter especially. She once answered, "He's not lost, he's dead". 🙄 She was 10 at the time. My new answer to death/illness is "that really sucks"- because it does; granted saying that makes me sound young/uneducated, but I think it sums most situations up nicely without using empty platitudes/triggering phrases. I'm glad you found a therapist who has helped you with a path forward.
  13. I'm late to the discussion but just wanted to say it's not silly to cry over an 11 year old couch. It's yet another piece of your lives together that is being replaced by something that he had no part in. It sucks. But it's also part of building the next chapter...so enjoy your new couch, I hope you love it and it lasts another 11 years! (I may have fought NG over getting rid of my loveseat, which actually predated DH, was almost 20 years old, and was in such sad shape that I took it to the dump instead of donating it...)
  14. twin_mom

    2,194 days.......

    This 👆 Even though I'm engaged to a great guy, I still feel married to DH in some respects... my love for him has taken a smaller role in my life, but it's still there and I still feel committed to him in some aspects.
  15. twin_mom

    Grief and Friends

    @KrypticKat - that sucks that you've been excluded. Maybe it's for a valid reason, similar to why you left her out of the birthday memorial...but it still stings and is disappointing.
  16. twin_mom

    3 things I did today

    1. watched my 2 year old step-grandson (DH's daughter's son) - I'll be watching him most of this month to help my stepdaughter out since she started a new job today but doesn't have childcare until the new year. My kids are 16, so it was fun to have a toddler- but honestly I was working (&traveling) when mine were 2 so I rarely dealt with them all day by myself! (I went back to work when mine were 15 months old) 2. I got the call that DH's storage unit was officially closed out (he's been gone over 7 years and I finally got rid of everything in the unit, which was mostly his dad's stuff- yes, I was paying a small fortune to store the belongings of a man who died before I even met DH....) 3. I may have bought myself a few things for Christmas during the cyber monday sales. 😮
  17. sudnlysngl

    What would you do??

    I actually had a very similar situation, with the exception of me helping to raise his kids part time. When dh got sick and he would call them to come and see him they would not take the time to do it and they were only 20 - 30 minutes away. Yet my son , whom dh adopted came from several states away many times and had to get permission from the military! So my 2cents on this is , respect your dh's wishes and leave them out of it! If after becoming adults they wanted contact they could have sought him out, and they didn't! With today's technology they could have found their dad but chose not to so leave it alone for your dh now. Just my two cents.... Best of luck to you....
  18. Hi there Any wid (with or without kid) planning on having a baby with LH’s frozen sperm for those who have access to it? I would love to hear some feedback from those who had the opportunity to do this. Thank you Samantha
  19. Happy Monday all! I saw this article yesterday about the new reality of dating. I don't know how many of us fit the age range discussed, but I think some of the points are salient: https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/relationships/article-women-older-than-65-dont-want-to-live-with-their-partners/?fbclid=IwAR3aoOGrguaxWrDVYgKlT0RACIGYy_zPaZg6vv8BEQJlswQV1VKFmT9A8K0 I hear you, trying2. I don't think it's wrong to not want her there if she's cranky. Can you ask him his thoughts on the matter? Something like 'she doesn't seem happy when she comes to these things; should we ask her if she wants to come?' That way, it's her choice. If she decides not to, the party goes on without her. Oh well. Sometimes, that gives the message that the world doesn't revolve around them -- come if you want, don't come, it's not going to stop anything. If she says she wants to come, let her and focus on your family. If it's possible to include her, great. If she's standoffish, she'll see you treating everyone else wonderfully, engaging with them, enjoying them, and all the good times everyone else is having while she sits somewhere, moping or just being miserable all to herself. It's interesting how those things work out, since it's often that someone else will reach out and ask her what her problem is (usually a younger child because they have no filter 😅) so you wont' have to. I've shared various stories about LH and his daughter (and her mom). It remains a painful situation at times, even though LH's daughter is pushing 34 years old. She did the ping-pong thing when she didn't like what was going on at either house back in her teen years (mad at mom, come to us; mad at us, go back to mom). BF has been divorced twice I suppose you could say; he wasn't married to his children's mother and they separated when the girls were like three or four. He did divorce his second wife but there were no children; he was separated from her when we met but finalized the divorce in fall of our first year of knowing each other. His one daughter has been estranged for many years, while he and the second one lived together when we met. She didn't seem to not like me. We talked occasionally, a few words here or there. Her boyfriend was much more talkative. Of all the dinners we had at their place, his daughter and her boyfriend only sat at the table and ate with us once as I remember it. She became crankier as time went on and I just ignored her. I continued to bring along food items and tried to give a small gift at her birthday or Christmas. I wasn't going to change who I was for anyone. I suppose it helps that I'm not super close to my own son either, and grew up not particularly close to my folks.
  20. trying2breathe

    What would you do??

    Although I respect Portside's view on this, think about taking care of yourself right now. Are you prepared to deal with the potential strife that reaching out to his children might bring? Not only a possible legal hassle, but the emotions that this might bring? Just my humble opinion, but you're fresh in this widowhood journey. There is time to reach out at some point, is this the right time for you?
  21. trying2breathe

    Marriage after widowhood

    Rob It's so good to have kids home, have the comfort and safety of your children with you. Wishing for you some peaceful days ahead. Widowhood puts a perspective on relationships. I realize that I have just so much room for heartache and pretty much shut down with strong sadness. Maybe it's a protection defense? What's your radio station, I'll listen!!
  22. Great question, Julester - do you want more? It's easy to continue coasting in a relationship as is, are you happy with this? I'm also surprised at how limiting it can be to be with a divorced partner (2x with NG) and the factors that come into play that affect us together. I will deal with the same at Christmas as his daughter ping pongs back and forth with her step-mom, take a back seat to all that this brings, which is fine. It seems somewhat easier for me and my kids to move forward, especially in regards to his kids. It's true that kids aren't kids forever, but sometimes adult kids can be childish and a real pain in the ass ..... Had a good long holiday weekend with NG's brother and extended family, welcoming family and I think it went well. NG's eldest daughter was also there, still no relationship between us as she pretty much ignores me. It's very strange to try and deal with a 25 y/o that is not accepting of her Dad's almost 3 year relationship. I'm struggling again with upcoming holidays - plan to host Christmas festivities at my house, and NG tells me that his daughter will be here too. With the awkwardness that she brings, I don't want her here as it's very obvious that she's not happy. I would like to focus on my aging parents and my kids, and not have to deal with his cranky daughter. I would like to make plans and not include them, and let NG know why. Is it wrong to not want to include her too? Maybe it's selfish of me, but life is too short to be dealing with this. Would appreciate any thoughts on this - what would you do?
  23. Love2fish

    widowed 3rd may 2019

    I think that a lot of us here know what you mean Simon. And you express it well.
  24. sudnlysngl

    Marriage after widowhood

    I'm so sorry Rob Don't know if you read my story, but I went through something similar. I remarried and it lasted just over 5 years. Started out good, but overnight it changed. He started saying awful, nasty, things to me, and when I confronted him he would deny he had done any of it, and start screaming at me, and hitting the walls in MY house. I knew at one point there had to be someone he was seeing because of the way he was behaving and I knew I deserved better, and I would rather be alone. I finally told him to get out of my house and he said no, said some really awful things to me about poisoning me, using me, etc.... I ended selling my home that my dh and I bought 26 years ago, and now I'm in limbo feeling broken , hurt, wondering why I've done good things for others and I got the shaft. I'm over 1200 miles from my home staying with an ex from 30 years ago, nothing romantic, but keep asking myself , what am I doing here???? Yet I'm looking for the positive today as I sit here in the mountains as it's the first big snowfall of the year, my first one in 30 years, so very pretty to me... Rob , we will make it, we have been through worse! We both have lost the loves of our lives and are still standing somehow. My thoughts are with you as you travel this road right now, hug your kids a little tighter, smile a little bigger at the beautiful sunrises and sunsets, and start another day PM anytime or not, just know you are not alone in this journey... ((((hugs))))
  25. RobFTC

    Marriage after widowhood

    Thanks for all the support, and especially to those with whom I had contact outside the site. Thanksgiving week has been good. My youngest (by two minutes) has been home, and she's just so good to have around. The resident kid is nowhere near as easy or connected. Tomorrow is Sunday, and Twin B heads back to school and I have to go do a lonely radio show that nobody listens to, so I find the emotions of the situation seeping in. When I moved out, I gave her the only house and mailbox keys I had ever had, and told her that. And it appears from debit card transactions that she changed the locks anyway. The profound lack of trust inherent in that is hard. A woman trusted me to shepherd her to death's very door and now I'm not trustworthy enough to vouch for a damned key. It happens, I guess, in these situations. When I moved out, she didn't trust that I hadn't, in fact taken her damned hammer or that I would make sure she got a few mispacked travel books or surge suppressors back. She did wish me a Happy Thanksgiving on the day. I asked if she was with family, and got just a one-word answer, no idea until the Facebook post where she actually was. But with some emotions back, I don't notice that I miss her or love her. The fighting seems to have blown up the attachment. When I lost attachment a previous time, it felt like the roots of my soul were coming out; here, it feels like I am going straight to being sad rather than wishing I could get the connection back. Maybe that's telling me something? I don't know. I'm OK, it's just hard right now. Tomorrow will be better. I miss chat. Thanks for listening. Take care, Rob T
  26. Earlier
  27. simon8164

    widowed 3rd may 2019

    i am so sorry you had to join this forum but i am glad i have spoken to you also .i am so sorry to hear about Dave ,he sounds like a wonderful man who loves his family so much . Maria also spent a lot of time in hospital and many appointments over the last few years .she always showed such strength and dignity no matter how she felt ,i can't imagine how much pain she endured with all the procedures she had to go through .Maria always had a smile for everyone which lit up the room ,and hug for me and josh which always made you feel better no matter how bad things got .she and josh are the strongest people i have ever known ,as Josh has gone through so much in his life also but he too has always got a smile and a hug which make you instantly feel better .i have been so blessed to have so much love in my life .if love was money i would be the richest man alive . i feel so much pain it is almost unbearable sometimes .i think about Maria all the time and cry every day for her i miss her so much .im sure everyone who has ever lost someone feels the same ,i can't imagine this pain ever going away but then somehow i kind of don't want it to either as it reminds me of the love we have and how deep it is ,i know that sounds odd but im sure you all know what i mean .by feeling so much pain all the time it helps to keep her here and in my heart all the time .i feel so sad and lonely sometimes i don't know what to do with myself ,when i say lonely i mean i have such an immense yearning to hold her again its like a physical pain . As you can see i start to waffle when i talk about Maria .i find myself trying to put into words how much i love her but i know it is impossible to express to anyone how i feel about my beautiful darl .i know it has been over 6 months now and people have all stopped visiting now ,its almost like they think that 6 months is enough time to grieve and i should be trying to get into some kind of new normal by now but i am still unable to make basic decisions even down to what to have for lunch etc as every decision i have made for 28 years has been jointly made by Maria and myself ,i know that it sounds crazy but it is true .i miss Maria so much .
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