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  1. Yesterday
  2. Virgo

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Ask the Mustang lover if he's interested in a 2001 Cobra. Ha! Just kidding. I still haven't ventured into online dating. I post here because it's really the only dating discussion. The closest I've been to online dating is being approached on Facebook. I've been out 3 more times with the impromptu lunch guy. Two movies, two lunches. He's an interesting guy. I'm enjoying spending time with him. Easy on the eyes too. I was approached by a guy at Walmart in front of my girls. They thought it was hilarious. I knew him from the gym that Phil and I went to, so he wasn't a stranger. He said he moved out of the area, never sees me anymore, so he asked for my contact information. My girls held in the giggling until after he walked away.
  3. This poem is stunning. Just wanted to share it. It is used in the Reform Jewish liturgy, as an optional reading, before Kaddish ”Every once in a while, a poem or song is so well constructed, so clearly conveys the authors meaning and is so precisely expressive that it becomes something of an anthem. The poem below, Epitaph, was written by Merrit Malloy and as one of those poems, has become a staple of funeral and memorial services…for good reason.” Epitaph - By Merrit Malloy When I die Give what’s left of me away To children And old men that wait to die. And if you need to cry, Cry for your brother Walking the street beside you. And when you need me, Put your arms Around anyone And give them What you need to give to me. I want to leave you something, Something better Than words Or sounds. Look for me In the people I’ve known Or loved, And if you cannot give me away, At least let me live on in your eyes And not your mind. You can love me most By letting Hands touch hands, By letting bodies touch bodies, And by letting go Of children That need to be free. Love doesn’t die, People do. So, when all that’s left of me Is love, Give me away.
  4. Last week
  5. twin_mom

    Just Trudging Forward

    I don't think the purposelessness ever fully goes away. I'm 7 years 1.5 months out and I still have days that I'm empty, when I miss him so much. Even though for all intents and purposes I've rebuilt my life- I'm engaged to a wonderful man, my children are doing fantastic, and I'm lookibg forward to what I'm going to do next professionally (as soon as I can figure out that's going to be). But I don't want those empty days to go away; I feel that they're a sign of how great our love was and how important he was to me and I'm okay with paying the price of that emptiness for the glorious years we had together.
  6. Take a swatch, launder if necessary, and have someone add it to a cover for a throw pillow for the new couch.
  7. Earlier
  8. Thank you all for the advice!
  9. Abitlost

    Teen daughter struggling

    Hi Hikermom, How is your daughter doing now? Did you find anything that was effective? I sure am struggling with my 16YO DS...mostly different issues than you described but I sure am worried about him.... abl
  10. Sillyjerkycat

    I'm sorry for your loss...

    I think I should share an author that my therapist recommended...Christina Rusmussan. She has books, but when I looked her up, on the site, it included a blog that was helpful and she allows guest authors to contribute.
  11. Sillyjerkycat

    I'm sorry for your loss...

    Okay friends, I've read your replies and I have an update for my anger issues...I started see a therapist and that person has helped me figure out a path to move forward. I'm not angry anymore at the random public people saying the words I hate. I know they don't mean any harm, it's just that they don't know what the triggers are with people that have lost someone they loved. Case in point, I went to the Verizon store the other day to get a new phone and I had to explain to the young man that my account changed to just one phone because my husband passed away...and then this young man said to me "Rest in Peace" and I was not triggered! Yeah for small victories! Through my therapy I'm learning that it's a journey that never really ends, it just changes to be less painful.
  12. trying2breathe

    12yearsBirthday/Suicide/Sports

    yes ^^^ That void, I get it. It's always there, but especially for those particular dates. My daughter's 21st birthday was yesterday, she didn't mention it but I know that she thinks of him especially during those milestones. Hugs, sugarbell. Glad that October brings back some normalcy for you.
  13. sudnly Peace as you journey ahead , and find a better place! I can't imagine being around somebody like your sister, please update us when you're settled.
  14. Sugarbell

    12yearsBirthday/Suicide/Sports

    Thank you all. For some reason, this year is more evident with my sons. They were babies..only 3 and 4 years old when DH passed. They are now 15 and 16..both over 6'4..They resemble their Dad in so many ways. They have almost become men. It's been just me. All the experiences, memories, pictures over the past 12 years its been just Mom and kids. It's become the norm for them. But some years, during a certain time of year..It all flashes back. It especially does for my oldest, who has a few faint memories. It's hard to explain. It will always be there and I have learned to accept it. I hate though when my children hurt. It's usually my oldest too. It might be because he has a few memories, it might be his personality. It might be because this little boy pretty much became a man overnight after his Dad's suicide ( not pressure from me, or anyone..but he changed..we all saw it) My kids are my inspiration, yet I can't help but worry. For the first time in YEARS, I felt angry at DH for dying. Seeing my son cry privately really tore me up this year. Things are much better now. It's October..September passed again and it's back to normal.
  15. Sugarbell

    10 years

    I get it..life is now so different, yet other times it seems like yesterday we were in our "old life" Hugs to you. No matter how long, some years it still stings.
  16. soloact

    Just Trudging Forward

    Steph, you are indeed normal. I'm inclined to agree that we don't actually heal from this loss. Time is needed to adapt to a life much different than what we chose. Time helps with that adaptation process. I still say up way too late some nights. Early on I was up every night. Life is different now. Not better than or as good as when he was with me but much better than the early grief. Your progress takes as long as it takes. Be good to you.
  17. Steph

    10 years

    Hugs to you Maureen...
  18. Steph

    Just Trudging Forward

    Thank you guys for your responses. It does help to know that that this hollow, purposeless feeling is "normal" and other grieving spouses feel the same way sometimes. ...I hate the new normal...
  19. swilson

    2,194 days.......

    It was 8 months to get control of the tasks of daily living, but I didn't feel "NOT married" for another 2 years.
  20. sudnly, I certainly feel you about the forgiveness issue. Our congregation just wrapped the annual communication and relationship series and as part of it, we read the Five Love Languages. There was a passage in there about forgiveness; it basically covered this very thing. Forgiveness can only occur when the other party is repentant about what they did and how it hurt us. If they aren't able to do that, we can't actually engage in the process of forgiveness; however, releasing them from our lives in prayer and allowing God to work with them is how we move forward. It sounds like that's where you might need to remain with your sister ... and from a distance at that
  21. Thanks arneal I just don't understand my sister, it really saddens me and breaks my heart. I had walked away from her over 15 years ago because she was so negative and nasty. I was there for her when her husband died, sat with her while he was in the hospital for over 6 weeks every day, stayed with her for over a month after, helped her do his funeral. But I had to draw the line when she wanted me to go and hang out in the bars with her and she pick up men! I don't do bars, never have, and me I was married! Then she slept with the one man her husband had asked her NOT to and he was married! I was so disgusted.... He was disgusting, eewwww🤢 But now, we had talked for a few months and I was very clear about her behaviors and what I would and wouldn't put up with when it comes to her temper , etc. She promised she had gone through counseling, was different, missed how life used to be, I even showed hesitation several times, and now damn I'm mad at myself! But I want to be forgiving , Christ like, yet I got stomped on and hurt again! I'm ok, a survivor Sadly she spent 45 minutes screaming some of the worse names one can call another person yesterday, because I didn't wipe out the microwave fast enough for her! I'm like excuse me, I walk away and she doesn't stop! Now that's crazy..... She's angry that I'm leaving , yet I've told her that I am for over 2 weeks. No one should have to live like this, and at my age I won't. It's not good for my health, my life, or my spirit. My truck is completely packed now, and ready to go. Thanks for your love and support, I will update you when I get settled
  22. PaulZ

    Just Trudging Forward

    Hi Steph, 19 months is still early in the healing process, although I know some days feel purposeless and seem to take forever to pass. I remember at about 2 years starting to feel like I had found my identity again, something very difficult after being one half of a whole for so many years. I can now smile and laugh when I think of my wife most of the time, although there is still the odd day when I am sad. It's been over 3 years for me. I've met someone really wonderful, but I will always have that hurt inside me.
  23. Bubu27

    Just Trudging Forward

    @Steph It's coming up to four years since Ken is gone and it has got better in a sense of being able to function "normally". I go to work, vary rarely (once in a few months) meet up for a drink with my closest friends, plan holidays with my family and I am able to enjoy it. However, I still wear my engagement/ wedding rings and very much look forward to dying and re-uniting with my husband for eternity. And I too get many signs, not daily but when I either directly ask for it or Ken knows I need. I guess everyone is different, like Maureen said. Some will move on with their lives faster then others, some will never do. And no, time doesn't heal anything. You get used to leaving with pain.
  24. Bunny

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Yikes, tybec! That does all sound a bit...limited. Have you looked into Meet-Ups at all, or maybe groups that meet at the library- maybe could expand your friendship circle at the very least...then they could introduce you to someone they know! A widow friend found her new husband on e-harmony. Although, I will say, at age 55 I do love to go camping. My husband was such a city boy (and also super into classic cars😆) so he never wanted to go, but bf was raised by a Boy Scout executive so he is an excellent camper. You can always choose places with cabins or yurts so you don’t hafta completely rough it. We sleep our older bones on an air mattress. I do think you can tell a lot about a person by camping with them. I’m in a fairly large city, though, so getting out into nature is very soul-satisfying for me.
  25. Wheelerswife

    Just Trudging Forward

    Hi, Steph. I hear you! I have been widowed twice and have had very different experiences with grief. I was remarried 18 months after my first husband died. I don’t know how I was able to move forward so quickly back then, but it was all good. I married a wonderful man who was also widowed. Life was moving along gloriously. But less than 4 years after I met him, he died unexpectedly. 18 months after he died, I was pretty much a mess! Such different experiences. I wondered if I could ever be happy again. I persisted in putting one foot in front of the other. I moved, started a new career, then moved back again, trying to find the path to enlightenment, perhaps? What I do know is that 5+ years later, I am better than I was and life is getting to be more satisfying. Am I really happy? Not yet. But I now have hope that it is possible. Hang in there. Post to your heart’s content. This place is here just so you can do that and find others who understand. Hugs, Maureen
  26. On Friday it will be 19 months since my love took his last breath. I know he is with me, he gives me signs all the time. Recently I went with friends to the beach that my husband and I went to all the time. My friends and I went to celebrate my wedding anniversary. There were monarch butterflies everywhere. This past weekend I asked him to give me a sign...I asked him to make a broken clock on my wall start ticking again. The next day it was ticking. I know he is still with me but I miss the hell out of him. It feels like life is just slowly moving forward with all the mundane things you have to do - go to work, come home, take care of the animals, stay up way to late, get up and do it all again. I guess I really don't have a point here...other than so far it hasn't gotten "better" and I don't think it ever will get "better". I feel like I will spend the rest of my life trudging through life almost zombie-like until I take my last breath and can be with him again. I always thought time could heal all wounds, but this one it can't. Anyway, just venting I guess. Blah day I guess...
  27. tybec

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Thanks. Chose Zoosk. Saw the others. Playing around. I cut to the chase. Landlocked 3 yrs to get my kid graduated since I moved him. Tell up front. These men. Really? Pics of fishing, hunting, work outs and body shots at 50. Geez. Not a 20 yr old. I am in a rural area but camping at 50+. Get a buddy. On line dating guy that liked me: I am a car fanatic. I love mustangs and the Dallas Cowboys. recently divorced looking for fun. dont be shy. holla at me. My Perfect Match loves cars and knows about cars He wants a buddy not a woman! 😳😂😉😉 and then scammers. Wow. My late wife had your name. We are fate! And why look at me 60 plus mikes away if I said I am not moving? 😐 idk Patience. Really.....
  28. Portside

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    OurTime is marketed towards those 50 and over but pretty much all of them have some feature that allows you to put limits on your age preferences. I did not use OurTime btw - I just have heard of it. Also, I might mention the fact that you have a 16yr old in your profile. Folks that are not interested in getting involved with a woman with minor children will generally not respond to that situation. And again, usually, that will be the older guys. I had great luck with a limited focus dating site - maybe look around and see if there are sites for you that are focused on your interests. It may help to cut down on guys that you wouldn't be interested in. I know this isn't what you are looking for but I went out with women plus or minus 15 years of my age at the time. Even though I certainly didn't match with every one, I learned something valuable from each of them and a number of them are still good friends. But that's just me. Good luck! Mike
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