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  1. Yesterday
  2. Julester - Thank you! I had another rough day, but talking to a few of my "kids" definitely helped. I pray that over the next week, things will get a little more normal and I'll be able to get my mind off of ME and onto OTHERS. Thanks again!
  3. Last week
  4. How about a virtual hug??? How was your first day?
  5. Hi, my name is Laurie. I work from home, so life is not totally different for me. However, I used to go out a lot more! I find I am staying in touch on the phone a lot more, like all of you I am sure. I live in Delaware and I lost my husband last year in February to lung cancer, which we did not even know that he had. Reading all of these posts reminds me how hard it was in the beginning...I have gone back and read some of my own posts from back in the beginning and it makes me realize just how far I have come. Hugs to everyone as we go through this crisis. I will keep you all is my prayers. And, yes, like many of you I come to this site more often than I post on it.
  6. We started lockdown here last week for at least four weeks, my bloke of several years is with his father who is in his 80s and has emphysema, so it is best, while I am here with my kids. Fortunately I still have work at home. Also to be honest, the four of us stuck in one place for a month would get a bit tetchy...he is better off, having lost his job, to be at home with his stuff, projects etc. We talk on the phone every day, not that there is much to report! At this stage, I'm OK with it too. Been through far worse, like us all, and the kids are pretty good. I suspect he misses us more than we miss him, much as I / we love him. And sometimes, I've learned, that's not such a bad thing.
  7. OMG... My check-in 8 days ago seems like a lifetime ago........ And my mental state has deteriorated so much in the past 8 days. I'm in a near constant anxiety attack.... crying, hyperventilating, stressing, etc..... I have to start back to work teaching tomorrow, and somehow I have to put on a sane face for my students and their families....... not sure how that's gonna happen.... Please, God, make this stop.... or send someone to hug me....
  8. Hello, I used to be called DT on the old site. DragonTears -- named after my husband who had dragon tattoos on his arms. And he was a huge fan of the "the Dragon" Bruce Lee. I found the old site in 2009 after my husband died. The New York Times labeled it the "summer of death" because of the large number of high profile deaths that summer (link below). I had been laid off from my job six months before and I remember watching all these funerals on TV and sobbing my eyes out. It's not like I personally knew these people, but the collective deaths of all these people that I remember watching from my youth just brought about a heaviness. Anyway on 6/25/09 Michael Jackson died and one month to the day later, my husband died suddenly in a car accident. There were a lot of extenuating circumstances, as well. Anyway, just checking in while my state is on shutdown. It seems like he was there for every major tragic event in this country and we shared tears together. Now here I am alone with no one to share my tears with. https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2009/08/summer_of_death.html
  9. Abitlost - my bf (of a few years) and I are social distancing...seems weird. His ex and his son and his mother are part of his current COVID social circle. I’m social distancing apart with my son and parents. It makes me realize who my “real family” is in these stressed times and while it feels weird to be stuck at home all day, it just reminds me of my early widow days where it was just my son and I against the world...just like now. And I’m honestly ok with it.
  10. Hey there Abitlost - you all are practicing physical distancing: social distancing would mean a lack of communication ... Sorry, the incorrect term use has become a pet peeve quickly for me as an educator Glad the two of you are talking and staying close that way!!
  11. Abitlost

    Fear of dying

    Simon, I understand your fears. I went through a similar period, which never fully went away, but it does get bearable. Hang in there and trust in yourself. abl
  12. My boyfriend of several years and I are presently socially distanced with our respective families but we are doing okay thanks in part to FaceTime. Anyone else in a similar boat?
  13. Abitlost

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    I really feel for everyone currently in this thread. I've been in a committed relationship for several years, but we are presently socially distanced with our respective families. I imagine dating is nearly impossible at present, and that sucks.
  14. Hi, abitlost here. I was widowed by brain cancer at age 41 with two young kids. 11+ years later, here we are in lockdown. I know we can get through this, because...well...we've been through much worse. I truly feel for the wids with young kids. It was helpful for us in those days to be able to go out into a lively world and socialize with people not in our grief circle. abl
  15. Hi I am sugarbell, I was on the old board as well. I was widowed at age 36 to suicide with 3 kids under the age of 5. Fast forward 12 1/2 years- they are all teenagers, two driving and the other one in middle school. This quarantine has made me reflect more on my early days of being on the board, widowed, having tiny kids. This is the first time in years that all 3 of my kids are home 24/7. I am also a high school teacher, so I am home with them. It's a bizarre familiarity to me. Reminds me so much of when I didn't work and they were all home with me. It also has made me think of any new widows out there with young kids during this time ( I don't know how many times I have thought "thank goodness my kids are older while we are on lockdown)- I worked through A LOT of stuff on the old board. This is a great sounding board with great people from all walks of lives. I will be eternally grateful to those who I met along the way, and those who gave me a listening ear when it seemed like no one else was available. I am not here very often, but will be checking in more since we are on "Lock down" for a while in my state. Hugs and support to anyone new joining us.
  16. The quarantine is showing me once again who is truly there for me. I've been thinking about that a lot. It makes me want to pull back away from the people who I initiate contact with. I've also been thinking about my husband and parents. What their thoughts would have been about the quarantine. My husband was a K9 officer, so he would have been excluded from the quarantine. Just a lot of random things. I've been going through my house organizing and purging. I moved the last few things of my husband's out of my closet. I went through my mom's jewelry box. I'm refinishing it to use instead of mine. I'm getting a lot accomplished that I never have time for.
  17. simon8164

    Fear of dying

    i feel afraid all the time that i will leave my son alone or i will be without him ,i know it is highly unlikely but the constant worrying and fear is sometimes unbearable .Recently ,when he got ill on holiday with flu i didn't sleep for two days so i could watch him .i have always been a worrier but things are getting worse .Maria always was the strong one who calmed me down and made me see things logically and now i don't have that support anymore ,i am so scared that i will let her down by not taking good care of our son and not making her proud of me .i miss her so much all day every day and i know it has been over ten months but nothing is getting easier ,its like she has been gone for so long and its like i lost her today at the same time .i can't see how this is going to get bearable ever .
  18. simon8164

    Song's that bring a tear.

    i found this song this evening and thought i needed to share as i feel this song so much
  19. Hey there, trying2: so interesting, how different upbringings are. I didn't come from parents who hovered (my mom hovers more now than I've ever experienced) and I didn't either. Of course, I think about my son ... all the time ... but I can't make him want to be part of my life. I wouldn't want to make him. I haven't experienced much of a difference, except more work since students are home and actually working on their dissertations. I am an excellent hermit, so the idea of being in suits me just fine. I wish a few of them would find a momentary outlet though so I could slow down just a pinch As far as BF is concerned, he is who he is -- with all his amazing and challenging tendencies! I can't make him be different either. Can I try to point out areas that might benefit from change, but those changes are based on my view of the world. Would our space be better if he stopped putting his coffee spoon on the side of the sink instead of in it? Sure -- as far as I'm concerned. But in the big scheme of things, it's not going to stop the universe from moving. But that's just me.
  20. trying2breathe

    A Return To Car Crying

    Hope you continue to stay well, Bunny. And a wish for a good response to treatment for your BF. Strange new world that we're in now, grateful also for the ability to stay connected through technology.
  21. sudnly Sorry to hear of your struggles - it's a hard time to be going through family strife while all of this virus craziness is going on. Upsetting that your daughter isn't being supportive of you right now. Hope that you are safe, get those meds soon and have strength to continue toughing it out. Kids - I don't think that there's any guarantee that they will provide support or comfort to us. I tried my best in providing love and support for my two young adult kids, and now try to deal with them more like adults as they become independent. Not easy. The hardest part of parenting for me was learning when to pull back and let my kids figure things out on their own. When to watch them fail, fall and get back up again - especially when I thought that a failure was about to happen. It's been interesting to see my kids reacting to this new world. This topic is probably better suited for the Wids with Children thread - maybe I'll post there. Work has slowed a lot - not easy to work from home. I try to self isolate as much as possible, but get out to visit my 84 y/o Mom to deliver food, etc. She's struggling, her life has shut down, she's very social and struggling to no longer have those connections. Dad is in lockdown at a nursing home - I'm sad to not be able to visit but it's where he needs to be right now. NG - sigh ... took some time off from seeing him, talked with him about his behavior at the BBQ - he was aware and upset that he was in that condition and apologized to me, and later to my daughter and Mom. Said that he was stressed at the world craziness, drank before going to my brother's house, continued drinking there. Funny that when he apologized to my daughter and Mom, they both told him that it was fine - no problem. So I'm questioning whether I'm too hard on him, expectations of him too high - whether my family avoids conflict and doesn't really want to go there, something else? He's direct, won't hesitate to address an issue, my Mom and daughter not so much. So we're talking, taking it day to day. I miss him, not sure what the future holds. Hate that I sometimes feel like a parent when I'm with him, not my job. Could use a therapy session, but I think I'll wait to see somebody in person. Hope that everybody stays healthy!
  22. Hi, rather not give my name, no bad reason but where I live is a pretty small place so prefer to keep some privacy! My husband died at 43 in an accident back in 2011, a few days before a devastating quake hit my town. It was like the Four Horsemen of the Feckin' Apocalypse had all turned up at once. Now Pestilence has made an appearance (fortunately Famine is unlikely to soon, as the supermarkets are still open!) and my country, surreally, goes into Covid-19 lockdown for at least a month in just under half an hour. I have two daughters now aged 11 and 14, and a new relationship of some years. I still have days when I can't believe my lovely husband is not here, but we have come a long way. It has been hard work but thanks to good friends and family and love and sheer bloody-mindedness, we are doing OK. That my youngest does not remember her Daddy, and my oldest barely does, breaks my heart. And the pain for my in-laws, who are such lovely people. Julie, your post resonated especially with me, and Maureen, you have always been a wonderful presence. I joined YWBB soon after my husband was killed and used to read it all the time; bizarrely, the social posts especially. I think I wanted to be reassured that there was a life beyond the hell I was experiencing. My heart really, really goes out to newer widows and widowers compelled to self-isolate or in national or local lockdowns. I just want to give you all the world's biggest hug. If this had been 7 or 8 years ago, let alone nine, I would be absolutely beside myself, devastated at being stuck at home like this. I know for some folks it is the opposite and hibernating is soothing, but I needed a lot of distraction and human interaction. As it is the prospect of isolation doesn't thrill me, but I know I'm strong enough to make it work now. Virgo, I'm impressed you're all excited about that, apparently DIY stores here too were inundated with customers! I work from home so juggling kids too, but intending to make as much time for them as I can.
  23. Earlier
  24. Katrina

    Are you struggling in this self isolating time?

    PaulZ, thank you for your response. When I saw 2 years I didnt know what to think, everyday is still a fog rite now. But it does make sense. There is no way to just get over someone you intertwined your life with. Be safe as well.
  25. Hi everyone! My name is Jen. I became a widow at 38 years old, six years ago. My husband was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia and died four months after diagnosis. I have three daughters, 20, 18, and 12. My work officially closed Monday. My daughters have been home longer. They are all extremely worried and anxious about the virus. They didn't just lose their dad in the past six years. My mom died three months before my husband, ALS. My dad died last year, stroke. They've seen a lot of medical facilities, ill people, funeral homes, too much. I'm trying to distract them with house projects. Doing something physical always helps me. We're going to be doing a lot of cleaning, purging, organizing, and painting. We're all excited about getting the house more organized and updated.
  26. Virgo

    3 things I did today

    1. Laundry, laundry, and more laundry. 2. Purging! We're all going through our bedrooms. I went through my closet. Shared rooms next! 3. Took an inventory of the food we have, and what we might need. I also took an inventory of supplies we need to finish the projects on our lists. Productive day 2 of quarantine (for me).
  27. Hi Katrina, I found it took me almost 2 years before I truly found who I was again. My wife was 39 when she died almost 4 years ago. I always felt like one half of a whole and it took some time to find who I was before I became a husband. I am working with the public daily too. Stay safe and I hope this online community can help you in some ways.
  28. When I was first widowed, I just naturally wanted to be alone, I avoided people as much as possible for over a year. But daily I had my animals for company and spent lots of time outdoors in my yard. However. I always had the option to leave whenever I wanted or needed or to have company over when I felt up for it. I hope all of you wids who find yourselves quarantined alone are taking good care of your mental and physical health. I was definitely not the poster child for making healthy choices while deeply grieving, so no judgements, just know I’m thinking of all of you and if anyone would like to share anything here about your experiences or how you are coping we are all here to listen. ❤️❤️❤️
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