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  1. Past hour
  2. Keeping on. NG is waiting for the custody decision. It has been two weeks. He has been extremely attentive to me, spending LOTS of time with me and my son. And talking about the future of us, blending families. I am listening, like to hear it but also waiting for the outcome of the schedule with his kids. I am being realistic. I don't think he will up and change things quickly due to the time for adjustment for his kids. I started a MOM's group of teen boys with ladies from my church, and we met last night. I am needing a new tribe and hope I will develop some great relationships through this. I miss my friends I left when I moved. We were tight, and we took girl trips and GNO. They got me through some difficult times. So, I know I need more connections. I am optimistic about this. Hope your weekend is well!
  3. tybec

    Further frustrations

    Ditto what has been said. I will let other's make decisions now, like where to eat, what to watch, etc., as I am so tired of having it all on me all the time. Took for granted that sounding board. I am not apathetic, but want to relax. I even don't like to drive all the time, and that was something I did all the time due to control issues. And I would not drink for the longest time as what if my kid needed me? I couldn't be under the influence! Sorry about the expenses. It is hard. My car is 9 yrs. old in May, and I hate to think about getting a new one. I bought a house by myself, but to negotiate with a car salesperson? Holding off as long as I can.....
  4. Today
  5. donswife

    Further frustrations

    So agree , It is so hard dealing with all these things big and small. It gets overwhelming and the one person that was our sounding board and helped with these decision isn't here to help. I agree with leadfeather "facing life with only half of myself" good luck with the furnace and all the daunting paperwork !
  6. Virgo

    I'm an orphan

    Thank you for the condolences and advice. I truly appreciate it.
  7. Yesterday
  8. Eddienhp

    I'm an orphan

    So Sorry Virgo. Sending you hugs. Eileen
  9. Leadfeather

    Further frustrations

    It is very frustrating to no longer be able to solve problems as a couple. It sometimes felt to me like I was facing life with only half of myself. Vent away.
  10. Eddienhp

    Widowed on Dec 29, 2018

    So sorry you had to join us Widower40. That said, you will be glad you did. I am 7-1/2 years out. My kids were 2 and 5 at the time. I remember 9 months and 18 months being very tough. I had a long grief period as I had to face some significant and complicated financial issues. My 5 year old had autism and was nonverbal. It was a very difficult journey. Fast forward to today, my autistic son has made tremendous strides. He is 12 now. I am in awe of him. My 9 year old daughter is simply amazing. I really couldn't be prouder of the fine young children they have become. They are both caring, kind and generous. Each one is so much like my late husband and it is comforting. I can see each of them having a bright future that has been shaped by our loss and will be combined with their individual talents. We are currently grieving a significant loss of a very special woman who helped my son. It is bringing up the loss of my husband again. With this current loss, my children are able to understand more about death. Each grieve so differently; my son asking questions and wished to attend the wake while my daughter refuses to talk about it. I know we will work our way through the loss of this special lady together. I am following the children's lead. I answer their questions. I describe what the services are and what they look like. I give my daughter the space she needs. While other people told me I should worry about her not speaking about her grief, something tells me she is ok and she will be ready one day. For now, I will reassure her and tell her it is ok not to talk. To be honest, I couldn't bear to tell my kids for two days. Here are a couple of things that helped us along the way: Sesame Place has an amazing resource to help children cope https://sesamestreetincommunities.org/topics/grief/ The Dougy center is another great resource https://www.dougy.org/grief-resources/how-to-help-a-grieving-child/ I send my best to you. Keep the faith that it will be better one day. Eileen
  11. Widower40

    Widowed on Dec 29, 2018

    Thanks PaulZ. So far this board has been great
  12. Julester3

    Further frustrations

    Just when you think you have a handle on things, things get frustrating again. I finished my probate period on the house. Hello 20 months of BS! I get half of the house and each kid gets 25%. I have to pay out to them if I refinance or sell the house. The lawyer didn’t do the work on the cars so now I have to fill out more paperwork ie small day state affidavit and then the notary I went to said he couldn’t sign it? Never mind no instructions how to fill out that stupid form? Then I got my furnace serviced this morning and it’s declining? The repair is already 1/3 the cost of replacing the whole damn thing but I’m not in the mood to shell out $9k for a new furnace. I know it’s old and it’s only going to get older and less efficient. I hate having to sit here and make these giant decisions by myself! So frustrated! With LH, I know we’d sit and play pros and cons but with the smaller salary that I make and the careful budgeting that I do, this totally sucks. I have to be more careful with how much and what we spend. I’m not sure we will keep the house past my second daughter graduating high school. I will have to downsize but I know I need certain things done to the house to sell it in the future. Le sigh! Thanks for letting me vent.
  13. tybec

    I'm an orphan

    Sorry for your loss. Your dad was so young, too. I understand. I am an "orphan" . It is strange to have friends devastated as they say good bye to grandparents, and I have lost both parents and my husband. But, they will experience it, also, some day. If your brother can/will help, let him. It is a lot to undertake. My mother had pared down her home to a duplex, then I moved her to a one room dementia facility. I still had so much to go through in her duplex. I found some men I trusted that literally came and took anything and everything. My brothers and I took what we wanted first, and then all was donated to these men. It was blessing to have them come in and clear it out. I tried to sell some furniture, but it didn't go. In her one room, we brought some furniture and pictures, too. I had one brother here when she died. He helped bring the things to my house and I let staff there take the furniture. I had moved in July prior to her death in Nov. and did not want more stuff as I had cleared out my home of 16 yrs. It is a lot to undertake, and I tell families to make plans. My mother used a document from the funeral home and wrote all out, including policies and numbers. After she cared for my dad and his hospice death, she knew what she did not want to put me through, and then I became widowed with a child. Hope for help but don't expect it. My 3 brothers sometimes were more trouble than helpful. I had to "spoon feed" things as they had not been present for all those years to know how to care. I did not take the martyr role, but truly, they just didn't know what to do. I had a friend hire an attorney to manage the estate for her father. She stated it was worth it not have to deal with it all. It becomes "stuff" and after dealing with early death, it is not meaningful now, so I was able to let go of lots of things. If you feel the need to keep lots, it will likely stress you out more, FYI. Especially with starting over in a new home and new life. Good luck.
  14. Lmsmdm

    Sobbed on new girl

    Congratulations! I will assume Mildred is pleased too! 😀 (dear lord I hope that’s the dogs name ha ha)
  15. Leadfeather

    I'm an orphan

    I am very sorry for your loss Virgo.
  16. Portside

    I'm an orphan

    Ugh. :( My condolences. My Dad passed shortly after my wife and I helped my mom finalize things. We would have those talks about each of us being widowed - it was comforting in a way. Mom died about 3 years ago - I had to settle up her things then - one of my sisters was a huge help. My fil passed in August, my wife and I took care of his things too. As far as the household goods and things - take a deep breath and dive in. Try to not obsess over every item, they are just things. Give away all you can to family, friends and then perfect strangers - trash the rest. For the financials and whatnot, try to act decisively in accordance with your Dad's wishes. It's a process to be endured just try to make a little progress every day. It will eventually get done. Good luck and sorry about your Dad. Mike
  17. Julester3

    I'm an orphan

    I’ve already lost both my parents. My older sister took care of the estate when our mom died and we let her take charge. We helped where we could and where she asked us to. It helps if your dad left his important papers together so you can methodically go through accounts and such. For the house, If there is more than you can take on, consider an estate sale company to help you to sell the items within the house. Donate the rest afterwards. It’s a different sadness for sure when it’s your own parents. I hated seeing my own mom deteriorate. Sorry for your loss!
  18. trying2breathe

    I'm an orphan

    So sorry for your loss, Virgo.
  19. PaulZ

    Widowed on Dec 29, 2018

    So sorry for your loss Widower40. I was 42, my daughter was 12 when my wife died at the age of 39, unexpectedly, although she had been sick many years. I cried a lot for the first 3 months. My first day of not crying came at about 3 months. At 6 months, i could string together a couple days of not crying. Please use all the supports that are offered to you, you will need them. I am not overly religious, so I used meditation on a daily basis to try to slow my brain down, as it felt completely fried. It took me almost 2 years to really feel like myself again, took me a long time to find who I was as a single person, no longer a half of a whole. This board has some really wise people who have been through some similar things, I found some good advice here, it also helps you to realize that although you feel like you are losing your mind at times, this is pretty normal for the trauma we have all been through. I hope this forum provides another avenue of support for you.
  20. Sadness

    Widowed on Dec 29, 2018

    My 3-year old daughter knows that daddy "died" and that he is not coming back. She talks about missing him and wanting to see him, but understands that this is not going to happen. It is so heartbreaking. There are kids books about death and grief for both ages, that can be helpful in explaining and helping them process what this means.
  21. Wheelerswife

    I'm an orphan

    Hugs to you. Maureen
  22. Toosoon2.0

    I'm an orphan

    Oh sweetheart, I am so sorry. Andy lost both his parents and a sister in the past two years and it has been so sad. It has also been scary to know that its going to be my parents and in- laws next. Be good to yourself. All I have to send is love.
  23. Virgo

    I'm an orphan

    My dad passed away yesterday in his home. March 13th would have been his 69th birthday. It was somewhat unexpected. He had multiple mini strokes about three years ago, so we always knew it was possible for him to have a major stroke. It just kills me to think about the last time I saw him in person, our last words, if I would have seen him Monday would it have made a difference? Why do we do that to ourselves? The 5th anniversary of my husband's death was the 4th. My mom died three months prior. When I told my daughters their grandpa had died their reactions at first were almost frightening. Very calm, no expressions, almost like they are used to it. Heartbreaking. My 19yo did say that her grandpa is finally happy now that he's been reunited with her grandma. When my mom died my dad took care of the arrangements. I helped him go through her possessions and clean the house. When my husband died I took care of his arrangements and went through his possessions and redecorated our house. Now that my dad has died I'm making some of the arrangements and will have to clear out my childhood home. Then put it up for sale. I also have to take care of his finances and estate. It's very overwhelming, and different from what I had to take care of before. Hopefully my brother will help me. Any tips or suggestions for those of you that have been through this? Thanks in advance!
  24. Virgo

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    I'm happy for you Paul. You'll have to keep us posted.
  25. Widower40

    Widowed on Dec 29, 2018

    I am planning on an in school therapist to come to my elder daughter's school. How is the 3 year old coping? Mine I think is only starting to realize that mommy isn't coming back.
  26. jeudi

    A Book

    Just ordered it. Thanks for the suggestion. It sounds great. And I love the title.
  27. cathyr

    Sad Loss Of WifeLess

    Oh dear Bluebird, my heart aches for you! Back during the YWBB days, I was thrilled you and Wifeless found each other, shared your love story and later your beautiful wedding pictures with us. During the years, you both offered generous and empathetic advice to others in pain, as well as rejoicing with others during their happier times. I wish we could all collectively hold you in our arms to help comfort you. I am so very sorry, Bluebird.
  28. Wheelerswife

    Widowed on Dec 29, 2018

    I’m so sorry you newer widowed folks had to join our club. I’m not a parent and haven’t had to figure out how to grieve and hold life together for young children. I just want to say that each of us has different circumstances that we face, and while it is helpful to see how others cope, we cannot be hard on ourselves if we don’t seem to be able to manage as well as someone else. I lost my first husband after a long decline. His death was somewhat sudden, but not unexpected. My second husband died unexpectedly in his sleep. My reaction to each loss was very different. Be be gentle with yourself. Let your own coping strategy be okay for you. Use whatever resources you find helpful. Reach out and make acquaintance with others wearing similar shoes. Hugs to all, Maureen
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