Jump to content

Young Widow Forum

Register to view blogs.

All Activity

This stream auto-updates     

  1. Today
  2. Julester3

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    It’s funny you say that. I found I liked older men for a similar reason. Many wanted the hope of having kids someday and that door is closed for me already so I was drawn to men older than me who didn’t want children however not too much older because then it became an issue of interest where they didn’t understand me or relate well to me. As for height, I just need the guy to be taller than me and at 5’5” that’s easy. 😅 Good luck! Age is but a number after a certain point so I see no issue with the ladies you are drawn to. In the end, it’s about compatibility.
  3. Julester3

    Widowed 3-6-19

    That is hard but you have to learn to cut yourself some slack. You were living your life like a regular day. Did you really have that much control of the situation? If it played out differently, would it have made that much of an impact? You can’t beat yourself up for what ifs. Trying to process this is hard and acceptance of it even tougher but necessary to move forward. You never have to like it but you have to move forward.
  4. Widower40

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    For some reason, I am only able to relate or connect with women a little older than me online. I'm 40 and I am currently chatting well with a 42, 44 and 46 year old. All have children, 2 separated one windowed. I found many of the women less than 40 want children of their own and want someone that is 6 feet plus 😀. I'm only 5'8" lol
  5. Widower40

    Went on first coffee date

    We have been texting on and off for a weeks. Yesterday, she suggested we meet up for a drink. Hopefully I can schedule something in the next couple weeks. There were a couple other women I met online and planning on meeting up for a coffee...the hardest part is finding any time.
  6. Cassie

    Widowed 3-6-19

    I think the worst thing for me is my guilt. He wasn't feeling well the night before but I brushed it off as a stomach bug. In fact, I even got angry and stormed out of the room, which I had never done before. Then I found him a few hours later. I did CPR until the paramedics arrived. I couldn't save him. I have all these shouldas...I should've taken to him to the hospital, I should've stayed in bed with him, I should've been able to save him. Guilt...guilt is eating away at my soul.
  7. Yesterday
  8. laurie27

    Widowed 3-6-19

    @Julester3 Thank you for your posts, they have helped me so much. But you are so right, one second, one minute, and so on. I am three and a half months out, and I still cry every day. And speaking of busy I think I am going to start a new quilt this weekend. A friend of mine gave me some fabric so I would do just that and I think it's a good time. Hugs to all of us! We all need them.
  9. Julester3

    Widowed 3-6-19

    You get through this one second at a time, then one minute at a time, one hour, one day, one week, and so on. Cut yourself some slack and work on your own time table. No one can tell you how or how long. It’s different for everyone. My kids saved me because I had to be strong for them and like Laurie I keep myself so busy I don’t have time to ruminate and let the sadness consume me. Just be kind to yourself and do what feels right. One day you can feel again and find a smile and laugh a little. It seems impossible but it’s attainable. Hugs!
  10. laurie27

    Widowed 3-6-19

    Oh Cassie, As Love2fish says I am so sorry that you have joined a club nobody wants to be in. I know I sure don't. My loss is also recent only February 19th, but I cannot imagine the pain you must be feeling. He was so young. However, you will go on, especially since you have the children that depend on you. The biggest trick I have found is staying busy...not always easy, but I try. I am a quilter, so I have been doing a lot of charity work. That and I cry a lot, don't forget to stay hydrated. I am glad you found WIDDA, it has been my saving grace know that I am not crazy for what I am going through, it is normal. Hugs to you and your children.
  11. Love2fish

    Widowed 3-6-19

    Oh Cassie! I am sorry that you have joined our club nobody wants to be in. I lost my second great love on March 8. My loss was recent also but I cannot imagine the pain you must feel. I don't know any tricks but I do know that peace will find you when you are ready. I am glad you found WIDDA. Other voices will be along soon. Hugs
  12. Cassie

    How to handle triggers?

    I'm 34 and my husband passed away very unexpectedly on March 6th. I've since started counseling. It helps, but not enough. My therapist recommends "scheduled cries" because I'm trying to hold it all in. I do find relief after a "scheduled cry."
  13. On March 6, I lost my husband very unexpectedly. He was only 31. He had fought type 1 diabetes since he was only 2 years old. 3 years ago, he was diagnosed with kidney failure. 2 years ago, he started dialysis for end stage renal failure. There were countless hospital stays. The scariest hospital stay was in January. He was diabetic ketoacidosis. His blood sugar was over 900. He had to be placed on a ventilator because he was vomiting but not protecting his airway. After 2 days, he self extobated. He pulled through like a champ. Kept saying he was invincible (he was cocky lol). On March 6th, however, he never woke up. They say he had a massive heart attack in his sleep. He left 3 children behind. And me, his 34 year old wife. His death followed my miscarriage on 11-10-18 and my uncle's unexpected death on 1-3-19. How do I get through this? He was my best friend as well as my husband. I feel so alone all the time. Are there any tricks to finding peace?
  14. Last week
  15. I agree Mrs. Dan (and it's wonderful to see you again). My concern is for the women that are in relationships where the man is not as invested emotionally as she is. That's when hearts get broken and self esteem damaged. It can become a game of am I good enough, am I doing enough, what can I do to make him want me more? I see it all too much and was even there myself. Love, romance, dating, relationships, all of that was very different for me after the death of my husband. There was a vulnerability that I never had before. Ten years later, I'm in a much healthier place and don't have those feelings of being lost anymore. I've been doing life alone for quite some time now, therefore I know I don't have to settle. I can wait for the real deal.
  16. I think it's hard to overemphasize the restrictions the court in a custody situation puts you under. The time you get is what you get and there is no compromise. The rules a super specific and unless the other parent is willing to compromise (never happens in our case) you are stuck working around what the court has put in place, and walking around eggshells trying to keep them from taking more time away. When one person is dealing with the court, the other person is the only one able to compromise. And that gets tiresome, and it means you are asking yourself and your child to make all the sacrifices. Why should her kid miss band (I was a band kid, it's a bigger deal than you might think) just because the court is dragging it's feet (3 months?! That is outrageous!) To answer the other question about needing a relationship where the other person is "all in" well sure i would like that but (see the above court stuff) that is something that is not completely in his control. What I do get is someone who understands that i will always love and grieve Dan, who understands that Dan will always be integrated into our lives, who gets along with Dan's family, is even willing to go on vacation with them, who is so supportive through my chronic pain condition, who is someone who argues fairly and constructively. The list goes on. There are things i wish were different, but you can't have everything, and with him i get a whole lot. I don't believe people should settle by any means but i don't think I'm settling either.
  17. Wow. Not 'she went over to cook dinner at his house so they could spend some time together' -- everyone has to eat, right? But cut his grass? No way. When BF was moving, he was still working for someone else. He gave me a key to the apartment; I had a much more flexible schedule so I went over a couple times and did some packing and cleaning before he got there after work. He would bring takeout, we would work into the evening, and would talk through the day. I think that's the closest I got to 'cutting his grass' ... but most of that time was mine. Since I had a key, I came and went as I pleased, did as much or as little as I felt, or didn't go at all.
  18. And there it is. And unfortunately, many women are NOT in interdependent relationships. A lot are in co-dependent relationships. Case in point. My girlfriend's boyfriend wasn't spending much time with her, so she went over to his house and cut his grass so she could get a couple hours with him. Ladies, it's ok to be alone until the right one comes along. Really it is!
  19. I am so sorry for this family and you and your son. It is just heartbreaking when this happens to young people. We've lost 3 students to suicide at our high school in 20 months. Just breaks my heart. One was a friend of my oldest son. They weren't close, but occasionally ran around in the same group. You are doing the right thing following your sons lead on this. It's such a complex, devastating issue for young people to process.
  20. Oh, so sorry Tybec. My heart goes out to you, your son and the young lady's family. Sending strength..Eileen
  21. Interdependence involves a balance of self and other within the relationship, recognizing that both partners are working to be present and meet each other's physical and emotional needs in appropriate and meaningful ways. Codependency is associated with patterns of a relationship that keep unhealthy behaviors going. Termed in late 80s and hot topic in 90s surrounding addictions. “Codependency is a behavioral condition in a relationship where one person enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of codependency is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity.” You want an interdependent relationship. Safe boundaries, keep your identity, yet support each other.
  22. Wheelerswife

    Wells Maine - June 14 - 16

    I’m leaving in a week!
  23. hachi

    Wells Maine - June 14 - 16

    I'm still in! Maureen, when are you leaving? Something has to happen before then!
  24. I’m far from co-dependent. I was always quite independent but I do like the collaborative efforts you have with a good partner and the sharing of burdens and having someone to bounce thoughts off of. I don’t require all the collaborative efforts but I miss them. My LH and I were very in sync so we could intuitively help one another when needed regardless if it was said aloud or not. I know that takes years to achieve so I’m not expecting that level. I do get a good listener with NG and I won’t let him fix things for me. I feel I need to do it because I know he can’t be around all the time. I need to self sufficient always. He’s caring and touched base with me all the time. He is invested in our relationship.
  25. His family obligations are much more complicated than mine. Bunny- I agree not sure the hang up with marriage/living together to be successful either. Actually I enjoy the space, just do get annoyed with how much is on his plate (driving his elderly Mother around everyday, taking her to dinner, being the doormat for his siblings, doing everything on the family farm)- As far as kids, ex (even thought she is certifiably nuts)-that is to be expected in mid life. All the other stuff, it's almost foreign to me. I don't think I will want "all in" for many years.. Hell maybe never. I like the feeling of raising my kids totally on my own. I don't want to have another person parenting them or making decisions. If I needed a husband, I could find one. As could most of us. (At my 4 year mark, I felt I needed to be married. My rock bottom was my 3 month marriage post widowhood.) Sorry, Just not a co-dependent type. Some people need it. Some of us don't. It's more enjoyable being the exclusive girlfriend.
  26. Wheelerswife

    Wells Maine - June 14 - 16

    Sigh. I will miss this one. Maureen
  27. Love2fish

    Wells Maine - June 14 - 16

    Bump Just a few more weeks. Can we start getting a head count?
  1. Load more activity
×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.