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  1. Last week
  2. Catnip

    Engaged

    Did you say yes? Details please! Best wishes to you both! ~Catnip
  3. Leadfeather

    Valentine's wishes

    I have remarried. Spent several Valentines days alone before I found her. My LW and I had 24 wedding anniversaries on February 15. Valentines days are still hard as our anniversary was the next day. I am blessed with a wonderful new lady who understands that.
  4. tybec

    Valentine's wishes

    Made it through another one single. Still Widowed. I had 5 alone after my LH died in Jan. Coupled up for 3 but alone again. It was easier. Still lonely, but easier. And I can remember all the good ones I had, 27 together. I made Sat. plans to take my son to see Blue Man Group. Eat out. It made the weekend more doable, too. It is so up and down with the emotions, still, but not as long or intense. Getting there all the time. I bet making chocolates special for her was quite an exceptional gift, rifatheroffour.
  5. soloact

    Valentine's wishes

    Wishing all a Valentine's Day that treats you kindly. My now Valentine's Day is celebrated by appreciating people who treat me well or make life easier. I stopped by a few places to deliver chocolates today. Seems to brighten their day. Makes me happy too.
  6. Ginger

    Valentine's wishes

    Wishing you and everyone a calm, peaceful day and the strength to get through it. Eventually the better memories of past Valentine’s will overpower these sadder ones.
  7. rifatheroffour

    Valentine's wishes

    To all my dear widowed friends, I wish you all a gentle day this Valentine's day. I used to love doing something special for my wife each year. I make chocolate for a living and always custom made something for her. Since she died I avoid our retail store on this day.
  8. rifatheroffour

    A widow for 12 day now

    I'm sorry you've had to join us here. I've been thinking about what I could post. Fairlanegirl said it perfectly! I'd like to add that if you have a chance to meet up with other wids in real life it helps immensely. I've formed some of the most rewarding friendships though here.
  9. fairlanegirl

    A widow for 12 day now

    I rarely come on this part of the forum, it's too hard, but will just to say, I am 9 years out now, and it never gets 'easy' but it does get manageable, and you will build a new life, slowly. You will smile, and laugh, and maybe even love again. (Which sounds like some awful meme, but it's true). There is something about the finality of being widowed that forces you, eventually, to keep going, putting one foot in front of the other through the horror. Coming on the previous forum to this and reading posts from people further along was a great support for me. Don't be surprised if you look back one day and realise you were a little deranged at times. You will also be grateful to those who helped, even if it's a blur now. They will be like gold. Nothing can stop the hurt, but as you go along and stand on your own feet again, you realise how great it was to have practical help, and a routine to hang your life off, distraction. Oh, and a sense of humour at times. Take care.
  10. donswife

    A widow for 12 day now

    I am so sorry that you have to be a part of this group but I do hope this helps any way it can. Remember you are doing the best you can and by just putting one foot in front of the other is sometimes an accomplishment and some days you may not even want to do that . if possible when people offer to help Please take then up on it ! it does help them and you. hugs to you and your children
  11. NeutronStar

    A widow for 12 day now

    You are not alone. I am 3.5 weeks in myself. My partner passed away at 41 years from a critical illness and still seems like it is a dream and not reality. I have found building a support system has helped to talk about it. As well as art therapy and journaling to him has helped me. We don’t have children but it is still a loss with pain but some relief as well over over the suffering. It has helped to be on forums too.
  12. Melissa brown

    A widow for 12 day now

    Hi. You are not alone. You are not alone. You are not alone. I tell this to myself every night when I cry myself to sleep. I am so sorry you are here but I am glad you joined us. My husband was 41. He died 10 months ago. We have three children. I and all of us understand your pain and grief. This forum has helped me alot. Please please feel free to reach out to any of us. Julester3 said is right. Day by day. Even hour by hour. Grief comes in waves. Hugs to you and your children.
  13. Earlier
  14. Julester3

    A widow for 12 day now

    I am so sorry you are joining us here. Everything is going to be still so fresh for you being only 12 days out. You haven’t processed and everything is surreal and nothing seems right. Your world has been tipped over and it’s hard to put things back in place. It’s all part of the grieving thing but it moves in different ways and different times for everyone. Just take it a day at a time, an hour at a time, a minute at a time as you need. Take the help for things you can’t focus on. I asked for meals so the kids could have something to eat and I didn’t have to make it. It helped. I had another mom help with school pick up and drop off. I asked another mom to please walk my dog. People will gladly help if you ask and it’ll help ease the burden for awhile in the short term while you process and navigate this forced new life you have to live. People don’t want to intrude and I know I liked my own space so I picked what I needed help with. Drink water and and take care of yourself, if not for you, for the sake of your kids. They need strength and support too. They can see you cry because it’s natural after what you experienced but they need a parent to guide them and they can help be your source for inner strength. Don’t discount that. I’m almost 4 years out. My husband died at 40 and I have 2 girls. You are not alone. So many of us and I hate how we’ve had to have this shared experience of losing a loved one. Read here if it helps, vent if you need, and know we will read and will hear you. Hugs for you today!
  15. My husband was young. Only 43 when we found out he had lung cancer. He passed away 3 months later. I myself am 35 and we have 3 children. I feel so lost. I can't seem to focus on anything and I find myself trying to push everyone away. We were married for 15 years and I feel like I don't even know who I am without him. I loved him deeply and think of him all the time. I can't even begin to describe the way I feel inside. I just found this group yesterday and thought maybe talking to people who are not so close to me and who have been through what I am going through might help. I have a hard time breaking down in front of others, I just feel it is a very private thing but sometimes it can not be helped. I often take long sobbing showers where I can be alone. I am lost and have no idea what to do now. I still can't believe this is real.
  16. Hi, trying2! I'm laughing because you can tell I have no clue about gift-giving!!! Yes, our lunch on Saturday was great. When I came out of the bedroom that morning, BF was like 'where are you going, all dressed up' (I wasn't really dressed up but since I try to stay in my jammies on Saturdays, it was different). He wanted to know where we went and what we had. I'm thinking about going back to the same place on Saturday coming maybe for a Valentine's lunch. I haven't decided yet I don't expect to do anything on my birthday since it's a weekday, but that's okay. I am doing more, health-wise ... as it's a new decade, I realize I need to attend to those things. I have a new medical doctor and have been very intentional about keeping my appointments; the new doctor set me up for bloodwork and so on. I am also looking to change my life insurance provider and need to do a medical check for that, which I've scheduled. I've even gotten in with a new dentist. I'm looking also to maybe take that pottery class I've been thinking about, but with the other things I've taken on it might not be possible yet. BF has been pretty open these last few days. He tends to keep his feelings in but he has shared a little more here and there. My son sent us a Valentine's Day card and then called. While I was on the phone with him, BF asked me if that was him. When I said yes, he sent a 'hello' back and also read the card. I know it's hard because his daughters are not in his life. My son isn't really in mine much either but we at least keep in 'distance' touch
  17. Thanks for the ideas, thinking I’m sticking with just the card. Gifted him a massage for his birthday in October and he still hasn’t cashed it in 😜 It gets to the point where it’s a gift just for the sake of giving a gift, I have a hard time with this so gonna pass on giving this year. I’m not expecting anything either - being together is enough. arneal Sounds like you’ve got a lot of energy going, hope your birthday lunch was fun. Not much leisure time here because of my Dad’s care, and I usually have to light a fire under my guy to get out. He’s got a bum knee these days so it’s been hard to get out and do much but oh well - this too shall pass. Hope you enjoy your Birthday! 🎉
  18. hachi

    Dating

    As a widow in a relationship with someone who is not a widower, I would agree, that while this forum may be a wealth of information to someone dating a widow/widower, it is not an appropriate place for seeking advice from said widow/widowers. This is a place where we should not have to defend or explain ourselves to those who "DGI" - to coin a controversial acronym. It is our safe zone. I have often read excepts from the forum to my NG, but I would feel like he was reading my diary if he just got on here and read our most personal thoughts and experiences. My advice to Stephen.... read to your hearts content. You will see how different everyone's experience is. My NG had to deal with living in the moment with me for quite a long time before I could say out loud that he was/is my chapter 2. Does that make him better than you? Maybe more persistent. Maybe he was in a different place than you. Who knows. I know other wids who were never more sure of their chapter 2 right from the beginning. Some very early on in their widow walk. That wasn't me. That isn't your former girlfriend. Please excuse me for this last bit of advice as it has not been asked for, but I can't leave it unsaid. When I started posting in this forum, the last thing I wanted it to be, was a place where anyone but a widow/er would be lurking. If you do end up in a relationship with a widow, please respect this place as HER place. If you want to know what she is thinking, ask her. Don't snoop.
  19. Virgo

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    I'm still on my break too. Just focusing on home improvement projects and myself. I occasionally go out on lunch dates, but I'm not looking for it to progress into anything. It's just food with company for me at this point.
  20. Eddienhp

    Other Single Moms

    I have a hard time connecting with other parents. They can afford to take their kids to shows, vacations, etc. I can not. They are all excited to see me then ask when we are free. I say we are always free on weekends; how about looking at your calendar and let me know which one you have availability. Never hear from them. I am 8-1/2 years out. I make a schedule for my kids filled with library classes, scouting events, nature center classes, etc. All the low cost or free activities. Then I send notice to all of these moms. Maybe one might sign up to go with us. I find that has been the best way for us to connect. I do know it is easier to connect with other parents when the kids are at an activity. Scouting is wonderful because so many parents participate. It is the same as nature center classes. At the library, most of the parents are waiting right outside the room. The things we have in common is our kids and their activities. I do not know another widow in real life. Not many people understand where we are. It is the same as special needs parenting. I have a special needs kid. Are you looking to make a social connection with other moms or is it that you notice there is a big difference in common lifestyles now that you are a widow?
  21. trying2 -- if you have a little extra $$, maybe a massage, just for him. Particularly if he's on the stressed side. Or if he's game, a couple's massage? Is he a tinkerer? Maybe something to put together ... I was just texting my friend and it looks like we're going out on Saturday for a combo birthday lunch. She has to work later but we'll have a couple hours to chat and chew. BF will likely forage for leftovers lol. Depending on how it all looks, I might grab takeout for dinner from the same place. We'll see! I'm still debating on the V-day go-out for he and I. I've never been one to do a lot of going out but since I work from home, I can easily turn feral ... forgetting what it's like to be around other humans (extra-easy when there's two large dogs and a Maine Coon cat who thinks he's more dog than the dogs around all the time). He's such a home-body as well, BF. I at least travel for work about once every month or 1.5 months so I get immersed in people, but he can stay in and to himself better than I can, and that's saying something! Anyway, let us know what you decide on for your guy, trying2 and how he likes it!
  22. Thanks arneal - it's good to catch up here every once in awhile. Hope our other "treaders" are doing well too. The belated birthday gift to your NG sounds interesting ... glad that he liked it. My NG is very low-key and cautious too, he's had some great opportunities that he may have turned down that I encouraged him to pursue. I think I bring an openness and a what do you have to lose mentality that's been a different way of thinking for him. Part of that widowhood shift in trying to live life in a fuller way with no regrets? Posting about gifting and it makes me think about maybe finding something nice for NG. Yes it's a contrived holiday, and it's a switch from what I normally do but it would be nice to get him a little something. Any ideas on what to gift your boyfriend for Valentine's Day? Would appreciate a male perspective on this too 🙂
  23. Hey there, trying2 -- so glad to hear from you and that you all are doing okay in the midst of everything. It's not easy, for sure. Well, since V-day is two days after my birthday, we're doing something whether he's really feeling it or not 🤣. I just got a couple of new dresses, one of which is all slinky and sexy, but we'd need to maybe go to the comedy club and have a meal or something on say Saturday evening for that. The other dress would be good for brunch on Friday or Sunday even. He hasn't seen either of them and I mentioned doing something about two or three weeks ago, but didn't get a response really. I am looking to go out to lunch with one of my church friends as her birthday is a few days before mine. That first and then I'll figure out what to do with this man 😃 Funny you mention gifts. I had ordered this cool thing for his birthday. Last year. Because it was a prototype and they got delayed, it didn't get delivered until just a few days ago. Sigh. He was happy with it though! Since then, he's been occupied with work-related things that I hope will really inspire him to press forward with the business. I've asked God what I can do and the thing is, I can't be more excited about BF's thing than he is. Maybe he is excited and just low-key about it, cautious not to be too positive, you know? However, if he's not pressing forward hard, I certainly can't. After all, I do have a full-time gig and plenty of other things on my plate for the decade, including my writing. I just got a new software program for scriptwriting and am taking a class on scriptreading. No grass growing under these feet 😉
  24. Happy February - gosh this year is going fast isn't it? Things are going okay here - it's day to day with my Dad, he's frail and currently in a rehab facility. Life revolves around him right now and is taking up much of my time, but I'm grateful that he's still with us and hoping that he can recuperate enough to be content and comfortable. Good to hear your update, arneal - you do sound busy these days! I relate to letting the little things go and enjoying life in a different way. Maybe it's maturity and it's also relative to each of us, our coping skills and personal baggage. Certainly have those days when I stress the little stuff too, but for the most part realize what deserves attention and what I can let go. Glad that your NG is witnessing your growth and enjoying it too - maybe some of that will rub off on him too as you say. Any plans for Valentine's Day? I found a sweet card for NG today, will most likely just go with that and not a gift. I've always found it hard to gift my guy on Valentine's Day, I think it's such a contrived holiday that I usually ask that he do nothing big for me either.
  25. Welcome to the second month of 2020 (already)! How is everyone doing? trying2, how are you? I just got back from my first work trip of the year; so far, I have three more booked between now and early June. I keep busy and leave the rest to be as it will BF seems amazed at times that I do all the things I do, that I will get on the phone with friends and just laugh until we cry and talk for hours, that I'll watch church service in the bedroom but then go out for tea with my friend from church after, that I'll happily stay in my office and on the computer until after dark, or that I'll stay in bed for 13 hours when given the chance. There are days when it's obvious he's too tightly wound to just let go like that. It's nice that he laughs more; it's been a tough couple years for him but if he sticks around me, we'll have none of that for much longer. I wonder if it boils down to maturity in a way. After a major loss (or several), many of us just press forward. We can't carry the baggage and want to enjoy our time here. Others get very stuck, afraid they'll lose more than before I suppose if they step out of those old spaces. I don't know ... just early morning musings here. Hoping to hear what's going on for each of you in this new decade so far -- and praying you all are well!
  26. Captains wife

    Broken Heart.

    Lisa best, I am so sorry - at 2 years out, it was still very tough for me....Im doing much better now (at 8 years) but I remember what 2 years felt like. Take comfort in your kids, seek outside support (You are not alone! We are here). I too also found myself re-evaluating my life - and took a few new turns that I probably wouldn't have as a widow. Be good to yourself and wish you all the best. This is NOT an easy path but we need to trudge through it to get to a better place.
  27. StillWidowed

    Dating

    Hang on a minute Mike. Stephen has not experienced the loss of a partner. He was simply dating a widow and looking for advice. This forum is for us. The widows and widowers of partners, common law spouses, gay and lesbian couples, etc. We don't have many forums unique to our situation, especially when loss happens so young. I'm with faye on this one.
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