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  1. Yesterday
  2. Hi everyone! Long time for me. We moved closer to his job, and I love this area so much more. We had a fight, but now he knows just how much I have been contributing and he realized he has been being a real asshole to me. I mean we are not in a romantic relationship, but if we are going to be friends who look out for each other at this point in life it can't be one sided either, ya know? So I layed down my boundaries and said NO MORE, that's why I left you 31 years ago so cut this crap out, and he did. Our son found out I was in the area and freaked out! I figured it's because he's been lying to everyone all this time about me and he's afraid they will all find out the truth now. I haven't even attempted to approach him or his bitch of a wife. They both know the truth, but what really hurts me is the grandkids that I don't get any time with. I know as they get older it will bite him, but for now it's time that no one can get back and he's being to ignorant to see that. The doctors here are giving me a real hard time about my health issues. They have caused me 2 bad allergic reactions because they don't want to give me the medicine I have been on for over 13 years. Starting to really piss me off. I've provided all my records for them , what the hell more do they want? I'm afraid I'm going to have to get legal help because they are causing me such harm, and I don't need them to kill me from the allergic reactions and not listening to the other doctors or me.... oh well, gotta love it. I've missed chatting with everyone, and my computer, Hope everyone is ok during this pandemic. Sorry to hear about your dad t2b, and your friends child arneal. Much love to everyone, xoxoxo
  3. Last week
  4. Hey SW! How are you doing? Nice to 'see' you and a very good question. Memorial Day marked four years since my first date with BF. There are things I want that I would describe as 'wanting more', sure. It varies day by day. Over the time since I started the thread, we've talked about everything from cohabitation to marriage and everything in between. I would say the idea of 'full commitment' changes and is different for each of us. My mom said to me the other day 'as long as you are happy'. I think that sums it nicely.
  5. Hello! I hope everyone is safe and healthy. So I have a question about this thread. It's named between budding and fully committed. As some of you have been dating someone for quite a while now, do you feel your relationship is still not fully committed? If so, are you ok with that? Do you want more?
  6. Hello all! Praying the silence means you all are doing well. How is everyone holding up with the 'rona, as my Northeast people have called it? I can tell you my best moment was a couple Sundays ago: I went out to water the lawn and it was so quiet, I had to stop and listen. There were no noises ... no people, no cars, no birds, no dogs. It was beautiful. I've honestly enjoyed the quiet; living catty-corner to an elementary school means constant noise and foot traffic; parents park on our block (and I have the corner house) however and whenever to drop off and pick up their kids. I don't miss it one bit. Everyone in my sphere has remained healthy and safe, thank God. I have to say that I spent about a half-hour, sobbing, just a bit ago. A woman I know from church posted that her nephew's father had been murdered by his wife (the boy's mother). She and her husband had taken the boy in because his parents had been living a life that wasn't conducive to a young person ... the nephew is an amazing boy. He's about 12. It hurt my heart. I thought of my own losses, my BF's losses. I popped in because I realized I hadn't been here in a bit and trying2, I thought of your beloved and the last posts you made about that situation at your family event. I think I have a pinched nerve; it's kept me from sleeping well for a couple weeks now. I woke up from the pain this morning at about 2:30 and sent a message to my doctor about it (again). I will be honest -- I drank about 12oz of red wine while I washed dishes. It helped more than the prescription NSAIDs the doctor gave me. However, I do know I can't self-medicate that way regularly ... I just needed relief. I wonder if your guy was trying to escape something ... I know it's been a few months since that conversation, but it came back to me. Do pop in as you all are able -- let us know how you are, how your families are. {{{{hugs}}}}
  7. KrypticKat

    Weddings as a Young Widow

    Speaking of filters... Has anyone else found their "new" post loss personality grinds up against their old friends? I honestly find this trauma has depleted my patience for bullshit and I can be pretty straight up with people about how I'm feeling, what I think and what I need. Don't get me wrong, I also have an abundance of empathy for people's struggles and hardships. Everyone has loses and pain and everyone has a right to feel it and work through it. But the shit people complain about or act like children about. Yeesh! For example I've had a few friends who have had to delay their weddings by between a few months all the way to next year. Most have been pretty good spirited about it but I have a couple that are lashing out like children and being vicious to people and bringing others down in attempt to cope. I mean, I get that you are working through the loss of your ideal wedding date but a) you will still have a wedding and b) you will still have a husband. You just have the wait. There's no need to be cruel to those around you about it.
  8. Hi "W" friends, new and (not so) old. Today I found myself turning to this widda board on the eve of the 11th sadiversary of my husband's passing (which is also our wedding anniversary). Grateful to @Wheelerswife Maureen for starting this thread (she is so thoughtful), and, as I read through each one of the beautiful replies and updates shared to date, grateful to each of your heart-sharings also. So comforting to see names and updates from friends from the YWBB as well as from all these years here on widda. Hi from FL! My thanks also to our amazing admin, some of whom are dear friends, for keeping this space for us all, even in the quiet stretches (especially in the quiet stretches); keeping this as the extraordinary place of caring connection from caring people who "get it" for whomever needs it, whenever they need it, from any place on the planet. That's huge! Thank you. When my husband died of melanoma, our children were in elementary, middle and high school. Now, one is in her final year of university, one is post-grad traveling and working, and one is a law school grad and newly-admitted attorney - all amazing, soulful and resilient young people; I'm so proud of them. I look back now and humbly acknowledge that they raised me up as much as I raised them up in these past 11 years since their dad's passing. We are a close little family and are each other's people, for sure. I didn't find the YWBB until a few years in on my widowed journey - I so appreciate the friendships made there and here. Many friendships crossed over from online only to real life and many wonderful friendships have sustained to this day. As I read through this thread, I will definitely continue to recommend to widowed friends and my life transitions and coaching clients to include this thread in their early readings here online, and really to whomever is reading this who is newly-widowed or in any stage of your own personal widowed journey, one message is: you aren't alone. The breadth and depth of insights and wisdom of experiences and support shared here is plentiful, is healing and is so helpful to know you aren't alone. We all know so well, in the quiet of the evenings, when the world settles and your heart turns to the thoughts, and you just want a sliver of a reminder that you are not alone and that someone else understands. You aren't; we do. We are all here, have walked a path that, while personal to each of us, we don't have to go it alone. I'm grateful to each of you who in kindness over the years were of support to me and allowed me to be of support to you - and in giving back, if anyone here is feeling the need for a "kindness call" to connect caringly on your widowed journey (especially during these uncertain and imbalancing times) - I know that many on here (including me absolutely) are just a phone call or Zoom chat away. (I made sure my web contact and IG info is in my profile, if you'd like to connect.) Thank you all for being here to listen as I type tonight while I begin my walk through another marker of the passing of time. For me, grateful & blessed lives concurrently with loving & missing him/us ... that will always be true. Stay safe and well friends. Warm wishes from FL, Gayle
  9. Earlier
  10. Beautiful pics! Brokenheart2 - this 🙏 It hurts but not like it did. I hurt for my son. Those are the great tears I shed, at every event his father should have been there for him. And the truth is, he may not really know what he missed, ya know? It's not his reality. But mine as I had a dad for all those events. Aw, we were so fortunate and perhaps, we will continue to find joy in all kinds of way.
  11. BrokenHeart2

    Facebook Memory Of My Wedding Day

    Thank you Ladies for sharing your beautiful memories and photos. I can completely relate to where you say you feel so detached from your old life. It will be 7 yrs at the end of this month and it feels surreal. I am thankful to no longer be in the throws of that pain like in the early years.
  12. Julester3

    Facebook Memory Of My Wedding Day

    All I managed was a link. Lol https://link.shutterfly.com/np8IC6XQA6
  13. HI Bunny! Thanks for sharing. I am the memory and story holder for my dead husband. I share on FB. Yes, strange with dating. I post on his birthday "happy birthday in heaven." I post the day he died. And I have posted on our anniversary but not the last couple years. It has changed. I feel different. It is memories now. 8 years. So strange how your brain can detach over time. I guess out of necessity. I shared a picture two days ago of my maid of honor and me in high school from a high school dance. We have been friends since age 4. And she commented how much she loved me and my LH and we were an amazing couple. She stated she was so happy she was the one who told me he loved me (in high school). I didn't bring that up, but there it is. I get remarks from others often. For a man to date me, they have to handle my old life. I don't put it in his face but I grew up with my LH and my identity was a couple, not a single person. I am changing. I know part of the reason the man I dated so long loved me IS because of who I was because of my marriage and LH, specifically. Our wedding photo. 30 yrs ago this year.
  14. Julester3

    Facebook Memory Of My Wedding Day

    I understand that feeling of detachment. Now that I’m in a relationship, it’s how I feel. My married life was a part of me but it’s in the past, no longer present and has that surreal cast to it. This year would have been our 20th year anniversary. I wish I could post a photo. My picture file is too large...I need to see if I can resize it...
  15. I was married on this day 23 years ago. This morning Facebook shared a picture with me of that day. It was my favorite, taken by a friend of ours. I’m in a relationship now, thus it just doesn’t feel right to share it in my feed- so I thought I’d post it here instead! It’s funny, I feel like having kids gives you a ‘permission’ to post their pictures that I don’t feel since I am childless. It was a lovely day- truly one of the happiest in my lifetime. But I feel so far removed from it. Detachment seems an easier way to deal with these things- I never thought I would be able to reach this stage. I am hoping the next stage is being able to feel the joy of that moment without the pain of it’s loss also. ❤️❤️❤️ Feel free to share your wedding pictures with me, I would love to see them ❤️❤️❤️
  16. faye

    Project Mode During Quarantine

    I had a perennial plant swap with my neighbors. a friend pointed out that I mostly gave away extra stuff. I said we have to work on baby steps - next year will be better. I did receive some bright yellow daffodils and a macrame plant hanger. The plant hanger has saved a fiddle-leaf philodendron from the cat. She wasn't eating it, but she kept knocking off the window sill.
  17. faye

    Wedding day

    When I got married, there was no aisle, because it was a public park. We assembled, me, my MOH, my parents on one side of and arc, Hubby, his best man, and parents on the other side. The minister asked, "Who blesses this union of Faye and Robert?" and our parents said, "We do."
  18. Boredom is certainly hitting me right now, and I am having a difficult time staying motivated to to anything. However I have quite a few things coming my way that will keep me busy in a few weeks. Thanks for the post.
  19. I recently read somewhere that one should keep a pandemic journal. I guess we are all to be Samuel Pepys and the journal may be our claim to fame. Even if we can’t be a reality TV star or an internet celebrity, maybe we can still be famous someday. Famous at least to the future generations reading about great-great grandma during the pandemic Or it might have been suggested by someone just trying to get air-time. Trying to keep themselves relevant. Trying to find a crack they can widen until they become a household name. I might be cynical. Maybe it was kindly suggested as a way to help us keep things in perspective. For some of us, writing about things is a way to understand. A way to work through things. A way to gain control when times are out of control. Maybe that is why they suggested a journal but if so, those of us that write don’t need to be told to write. For everyone else it is just one more thing on the to-do list. One more way we aren’t living up to our potential. One more judgement in an era of being judged. There are so many worthwhile things I could be doing. Free online concerts, free virtual tours of locations I will never get to actually visit, museums and classes and concerts. It makes me tired thinking about it all. I am sleeping in late. (In the world of the newly retired, that means I am still waking at 5AM but staying in bed until 7AM). I am reading books. (sometimes in bed between 5AM and 7AM). I am puttering around in the yard. I am trying to stay in contact with the people I care about. That seems to be enough for me.
  20. Minny9

    Are you struggling in this self isolating time?

    Hey everyone, I need to speak to a couple of things that have been raised in this thread which I struggle with... In terms of my grief experience, I am now in my "adolescence" as a widower (my wife passed away at the age of 49 in December, 2016, after 19 years of marriage and 23 years together). Or at least I should be an "adolescent" by now! I don't really know how or when one becomes a "fully mature" widow/er. Hmm? It's probably not something measured in time, but rather through experiences and life "mile markers". What do you think? Anyway, the hope that we will discover who we are now without our spouse (or rediscover who we were before), to me, is something I find problematic, if not a bit idealistic. So much of who I am, and will always be, was learned and cultivated as a couple — as Rhonda's husband. I continue to reference many things I still enjoy today by saying "we" rather than "I". I love who I became as a result of our lives spent together. We were both 29 when we married. By then we each had a pretty good idea of who we were as individuals, what we enjoyed, how we presented ourselves to others, and what we were looking for in a partner. We were very fortunate on all counts that we found each other. I loved her so much. We took great pleasure in learning about each other's individual interests, and in seeing the passion we had for those things, while encouraging each other to continue pursuing them even years later. I've since come to realize (and I'm sure she did as well) that sharing in each other's passions and, subsequently, discovering new ones together is what I treasure most about our years together. I'm not saying this wasn't the case for all of you, too, but I think it's important to not put pressure on ourselves to have to find a "new" or "prior" self. Yes, I am forever changed because of my losses. And I say losses because in a 3 year period I lost my career (in 2015 after 21 years with the same organization), then my wife (in 2016 just 8 months after her cancer diagnosis), and then my mother in 2018, who I had to care for on my own immediately after losing Rhonda (my mother was deaf and suffered from COPD). Katrina, sadly I know exactly what you have gone through in this regard... I really struggled after my Mom’s passing in finding purpose and motivation, and it affected my sleep and confidence. While caring for her, I didn’t spend much time concerning myself with my own future. It was too daunting then. Now, without them, I must and I have had difficulty doing so. Caregiving for and losing loved ones – in my case the only two people on the planet who dedicated their lives to loving and caring for me – was challenging enough, particularly in such quick succession. However, caring for just myself is something I still struggle with. I hope that doesn’t come across as overly dramatic or concerning. I’m fine, and I’ve not taken a turn for the worse overall. It’s just the reality I’m faced with, and attempting it now completely on my own (we have no kids). This latest COVID-19 pandemic feels like a kick to the midsection after just having been knocked to the ground 3 times. It's been 53 days since I last saw anyone I know personally, other than my next door neighbors, and that once-too-familiar sense of isolation and loneliness has now been taken to a whole new level. Like Jen has done, I've been spending a lot of time thinking about those I've lost, but also about how much harder it would have been caring for them now during all of this. I suppose I'm grateful I didn't have to. The irony, of course, is that just as I was finally getting to the point of accepting all I've gone through and not being as resentful of it, and finally turning full attention to myself, I'm now in a holding pattern with no idea when we'll be out of this thing! <SIGH> My life has changed drastically in a relatively short period of time. But I'm still who I have always been, or at least I strive to be – that person who Rhonda fell in love with and wanted to be with, learn from, teach, and aspire to happiness alongside. For better or worse, I'm okay with the notion that I will never be as contented as the person I was when she was my life. Steve
  21. Love2fish

    Project Mode During Quarantine

    Your wish is my command Maureen Thinking of Teri's Jalopy?
  22. Wheelerswife

    Project Mode During Quarantine

    Love2fish - I wish I could see a picture of you previous stack!
  23. Love2fish

    Project Mode During Quarantine

    I am almost finished with stacking next year's wood supply. This stack serves as a privacy fence and entertainment after a fashion. I'm happy with it.
  24. BlueSky

    Are you struggling in this self isolating time?

    Hi Katrina - I know it's been some weeks since you posted and I hope you are continuing to hang in there. Every time I go to a grocery store, I am glad to see baked goods and I wanted to thank you for your work. I am not a good cook or baker and I appreciate that basic comfort food is available, and hope you stay safe. My husband died in February 2019 and I feel like I was starting to figure out who I was outside of being his wife - but then the pandemic hit, and I feel like I have to start over again figuring out who I am. It is hard. And I'm struggling figuring out by myself how to best help my teenaged kids struggling in this uncertain time.
  25. Love this - thank you for sharing and a real reminder of why I am NOT at my most productive!
  26. Thank you for starting this trend. I’m Sharon, and live in Colorado. My husband had a fatal heart attack on a run before work in February 2019. He was 49 and we thought in great health—he was a regular long-distance trail runner. My children are 13, 18 and 21. I have found great comfort in reading posts here although I have posted little myself. We have been getting through ok, but the months November (starting with his would-be 50th birthday) through the holidays and up to the anniversary of his death in February were so hard and sad. We made it, and I was greatly relieved that each of my kids had something exciting that they were looking forward - end of senior year, 2 graduations, a fun spring break trip. Then that was all turned on its head. I am trying to find some bright moments each day to appreciate what we have. My heart goes out to everybody, especially those with loss and fresh grief. This site has been a place where I am able to feel a little less alone in my sadness, and I am so grateful for it. I wish all of you well!
  27. Gosh it's so quiet here. A good thing I guess? My Dad passed away two weeks ago. He was on lockdown in his nursing facility, and in isolation having just come back from the hospital. What a strange experience, going through loss during this - a lovely nurse at his facility gave us time with Dad in his final moments. For that I'll be forever grateful, but damn - I would liked to have been there for those final moments. Grief of my father - sad but nothing like losing a spouse. I had a troubled relationship with my father for many years but chose to reconcile in later years. And for that I'm grateful. Miss you Dad, but I know you're now in a better place. ❤️
  28. tybec

    3 things I did today

    1. Called to get repair person out again for air conditioning. 2. Called to see when my teen may get to take his driver's test. Delayed to April 6. Nothing since then. 3. No client's scheduled which is a downer. So, clear out case load and text folks to see if they will return now and try telehealth since is is not just ending in April as originally planned. Pandemic life - Meh.. But on it.
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