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  2. Wheelerswife

    Song's that bring a tear.

    Best wishes to you, Leadfeather.
  3. Leadfeather

    Song's that bring a tear.

    In three days I will remarry. This song. This song has me weeping in my cubicle at work. If Christine were able to send me a message I know this is what it would be. If it be your will to speakOf memories we often sharedTalk to me of days gone byThink of love and not despairAnd when I’m goneWe’ll meet againAs often do the closest friendsSo dry your eyesAnd lay me downI tell you this is not the endAnd if someone elseMust take my placeFor I’ll be gone the longest timeI’ll wait and I will understandA heart of thorns mustLeave the mindBut when in time I see your faceThe scars will fadeThe heart will mendSo dry your eyesAnd lay me downI tell you this is not the endAnd from today I wish you joyFrom this day I wish you peaceI hope that life will pass you byAs softly as the falling leavesAnd when your heart is full againRaise a glass for me my friendAnd dry your eyesAnd lay me downI tell you this is not the endOh dry your eyesAnd lay me downI tell you this is not the end
  4. I understand anger issues @Sillyjerkycat. I was fuming in the first year in particular. Now, I rarely get upset. People don't have a clue but they will get it when it happens to them. Try ignoring it x
  5. hachi

    We have lost one of our own

    I didn't know this man, but I continue to be stunned and amazed at how some relationships we form can change our lives. In the brief time you knew this man, your life was impacted so much. There are a handful of people here whom I have been sharing posts with for years, yet have only been in their presence a handful of times. You all have had a great part of continuing to shape my world view, and I treasure these relationships so much, in spite of the physical distances between us. Thank you Maureen and Sandrine2279 for keeping the memory of this man alive.
  6. Sillyjerkycat

    I'm sorry for your loss...

    Thank you for your comments...still dealing with everything. I started seeing a therapist today, maybe I can get past my anger issues with people who just don't know what to say, I know they don't mean harm.
  7. love2fish- Thanks so much for putting in the effort ! Sorry it didn't work out this time !
  8. Wheelerswife

    We have lost one of our own

    Fly, my friend, I miss you. You left this world 2 years ago. I miss hearing your perspective on life and your drive to live so fully. I hope your orphaned daughter is thriving. She would only be 8 right now. She really needed her daddy, but you gave her so much in your time here. Sigh. Maureen
  9. soloact

    Suspected Cheating AFTER Death

    I never had any reason to doubt my husband. His best friend and wife invited me to Thanksgiving dinner three weeks after my husband died. Conversation was pleasant most of the visit. A dinner they tried to convince me that we wanted a loan. That was nuts in itself. They speculated he wanted money to give to another woman. I sat there wondering what kind of kooks would talk like this. They were unhappily married for decades each hoping to outlive the other. They finally divorced a several years later. The supercrazy part of this looney deal was that I was his 24 hour caregiver. If he had a woman I would have to transport him to her or open the door for her to visit here. When he was healthier we were only apart when he golfed. If someone could lure him from the links I would have asked for her autograph!
  10. I hear you @trying2breathe Being asked how you are / how your weekend was etc are always hard for me to answer. Even now, 3.5years on. I always pause and think - shall I say the truth or I simply respond, Im fine thanks, to shut the conversation. I usually do the latter.
  11. Virgo

    For those further along (5+years)

    I feel like I've recently regressed. February will be six years. I started dating around two years after he died. Very cautiously, slow, and light hearted. Nothing deeply emotional. It was nice to get out and socialize. I've never really let any of the guys I've dated get to close. I revisited a relationship soon after my dad died this February. I think ending it set me back. I was starting to envision a future with him and it overwhelmed me. Now I just feel numb again. I feel like I'm pushing guys away.
  12. trying2breathe

    I got my son to 16!

    Yay, tybec - a bittersweet milestone! One that comes with anxiety and added responsibility. I taught my kids to drive and also thought that it should have been Dad's job. Thank goodness for family willing to step in and help out with these kinds of things.
  13. trying2breathe

    I'm sorry for your loss...

    It hasn't been easy for me to hear people's responses either - six years and it's still surreal. In these six years, I've attended several funerals and find myself saying the same stuff that I don't like to hear. I don't know that there really are any good responses to what we deal with. A client shared with me that she lost her daughter in a horrific car accident - only thing I could think to say is "there are no words" and give her a hug. Nothing good about any of this. The one question that I hated in the early days was "how are you?" When asked this I usually responded that I was doing okay - but really??
  14. People don't know what to say and often say stupid shit. I prefer "I'm sorry for your loss" to "everything happens for a reason", "life goes on" or "you are young, you will find somebody. Your husband would like you to be happy". F*** off
  15. It's been 1 year and 5 days since my husband died twice at home and the EMTs revived him, only to leave us with a shell of a man with brain damage. After two months in the hospital and rehab, the palliative people came and told me that he'd never get better and we should go to hospice. So anyone that has ever had to make that choice, it sucks, but we did as a family. Here's the thing...I am so sick of explaining that I'm a widow (to everyone that I had to engage with for life insurance, the bank, doctors, lawyers, etc.) and hearing "I'm sorry for your loss"--it means nothing to me except you're trying to be polite and you don't actually know what to say, because your scared for your own future. Maybe just say "I'm sorry, how are you"? or say nothing at all. Every time I hear "sorry for your loss" it makes me angry and just I wish people knew...
  16. Sugarbell

    I got my son to 16!

    Congrats!! That's a big deal! I feel the same way with milestones. I don't want to wish my kids childhoods away but everytime each one started Kindergarten, etc, it was a sense of a relief. Like "Ok, we made it this far" LOL- My younger son turns 15 in two weeks- He can get his learners then, but another full year before official license. I will tell you, now that my oldest son has been driving almost a year, it does make juggling a little easier! Congrats again!
  17. Julester3

    I got my son to 16!

    It’s not too bad. My daughter just turned 16 and she often asks me if we can practice. Here, we need 50 hours of practice and you have to have your permit for at least 9 months before you can get your license. I had her drive me to scrapbook stores farther away for practice. My recommendation is to be sure both of you are well rested and having a good day. It helps patience for you and nerves for your teen. Good luck!
  18. He is 16! And he got his permit to start driving! It is such a big deal! Unlike lots of parents that fret about their children growing up too fast, I have relief at each birthday, each milestone. I have this sense of urgency to have him grown, and be an adult, prepared, independent, just in case something happens to me, now. I get it but it is does make it such a bittersweet celebration. Driving . Ugghh! Another one of those, "this is dad's job!" My older brother and wife were here, and he took him on his first drive. I am so thankful for things like that. I guess it will never go away completely. But he is doing pretty good so far. I am grateful. 😃
  19. tybec

    MIL goes off

    I am sorry you are dealing with this. It is easy for someone who is not doing the day to day to make a judgement call about a call made. I literally had this conversation this a.m. with one brother. My other brother was widowed in 2013, a year after me. His wife had cancer, and he had the gold card insurance and she had every treatment available including trials. My brother did it all. After she died, her daughter asked my brother (her stepfather) why he did not take her to the hospital sooner. WELL, where was she for the 4 1/2 yrs her mother had cancer? Not doing anything but phone calls. She had married, was working and working on her master's degree. But my brother holds that one question in his mind now. I hope he has healed from it. But it is awful. I told my brother it really says more about the stepdaughter. Her guilt and no assistance so blame him. Her stuff, but she laid it on him. I understand. So sorry.
  20. Julester3

    MIL goes off

    Some mothers cannot let go. I can’t even talk to MIL without getting attacked in that special, nice passive aggressive way on my shortcomings. I no longer talk to her or call her. If something needs to be said, it will be an email. IMO, the more these types of moms have time to think on it, the more they come up with a theory of what ifs and what could have been and need to justify the failure of the situation (losing their son). Hope this doesn’t continue for you.
  21. rooshy

    MIL goes off

    I was speaking with DH's mother over Labor Day weekend. She will occasionally call em to see what's going on with me and the kids. That day, she asked me how my mom was doing - mom had a bout with Sepsis last summer. DH died of Sepsis in January 2011. The problem is that I took DH, the weekend of his passing, to a different hospital than what MIL would have gone to. I had him taken to Dublin Methodist hospital and MIL feels he should have gone to Riverside Methodist hospital. The two hospitals are part of the same group, Ohio Health. DH developed sepsis after not being treated for a urinary tract infection. The weekend he died was a culmination of depression and anxiety, taking place over two years, over DH not finding a job. The irony is that he was offered a few high paying jobs with very good benefits but turned them down because they were outside his field of civil engineering. One position was for the federal government and the other was a union job. He was too proud to take those jobs🤯. DH would have preferred us go into financial hell rather than take a union job that paid more than a civil engineering position. DH also had a short temper. My sons and I spent those last two years of DH's life walking on eggshells around him hoping he wouldn't lose that temper. DH was buying things for himself but there was never enough money to save for a family trip or pay extra on bills. He was begging his family members for money, behind my back, rather than take a part time job. So, by the time he became ill with sepsis, I had enough and was taking charge. I had him taken to Dublin Methodist hospital. When I spoke to MIL on Labor Day weekend a few weeks ago, she claimed that she's heard "A lot of bad things about that hospital. But it's all water under the bridge anyway." It has been nearly nine years since DH passed away. Why is she bringing this up now? What does it matter now? DH professed early in our marriage that he was a mama's boy. I don't think that she would ever find fault with him. Thanks for reading my long post.
  22. Earlier
  23. Thank you Laurie27. You voiced very clearly what many of us are still experiencing. I'm glad I'm not the only one.
  24. Laurie27- I do remember this . I think in the beginning you are in shock and your body and brain are in auto pilot. Once some time goes by it hits harder as the reality of this can't be avoided...like they really aren't coming home...sigh. but keep doing what you can , getting out everyday ,even if just for cat food :) is a good way to keep connected. Becoming isolated is so tempting but can be hard to get out of that habit once it starts Don't get me wrong hunkering down on the couch watching netflix for hours can also sooth the soul. Hugs to you
  25. Maybe next year. I think it's time to cancel this bago. The planets have conspired against us. Only one "maybe" coming at this point is not promising. I apologize to anyone who was still thinking about coming. I had to make a decision today. A young couple with a child were desperate for a winter rental. They were renting from the hotel at hotel rates and getting moved to another room regularly. This will save them a bunch of money, make me some money, and put a winters worth of stability into their lives. It's a win win although the bago is lost. If anyone was planning on coming you are still welcome. We would end up on a different venue and there are lots of those in Wells to choose from, beach, nature trails, good restaurants. Send me a PM and we can work that out.
  26. Captains wife

    Wells Maine Widdabago returns September 20-22 2019

    Unf as much as I’d like to do this again as I really enjoyed last year’s Bago I won’t be able to make it this year given everything on my plate right now.
  27. Hugs Alma. Thank you for sharing your story.
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