Dianne34

Sander was his name, but I said 'san' most times. Or 'lief', which translates into sweetheart. Makes me cry to type his name. Just like it makes me cry to receive mail with his name on it - or worse something about him being gone and some administrative detail that needs to be taken care of. It becomes more real when you put it or read it on paper. How I loved - love - and miss my dearest Sander.

Hi there, am reading these posts to gear up as I'll go back to work tomorrow morning for the first time. I had only joined the company two weeks prior to disaster striking and my husband unexpectedly being torn from our lives, but fortunately my employer has been very supportive and allowing me to do things at my own pace. It was my choice to start back up - a luxury position I am well aware. Hope it will bring some distraction, if anything a way to spend the hours. Who knows, it might even take my mind of it for a little while. But the downside of that is that the moment of remembering Always comes to kick you in the gut. The depressing reality is that I can wait one more month, or two, or a year, but I fear (and know) this pain will still be the same. So I might as well. Not in the least for being a single parent with a mortgage and all. @sandrine2279, it must be so hard having your workplace be so connected to your husband, indeed what a nightmare... And how cruel that you - and most of us here - were forced to live such nightmares. I hope you will in time find somewhat of a balance at work, or something, I don't know. Something better than this.

Fuck my life. Fuck how it's only been two weeks and the books and posts I read promise years and years of this miserable shit to come. I did NOT sign up for this shit and neither did my husband or our little girls. Fuck how the thought of the rest of my life makes me cry where just a moment ago it filled my heart with love and happy anticipation. Fuck how my husband was my best friend and he should be helping me through this. Fuck that we were building our dream house and I'm finishing it alone, so I can go sit in it and be miserable. Fuck how moving elsewhere is an equally depressing alternative. Fuck how I am mean to my parents who are trying their best to help. Fuck that I will have to go 'out there' to make new friends and build a network also for the girls, I was perfectly fine spending Tuesday nights on the couch with my husband. Fuck Tuesdays, and other days of the week as well for that matter. Fuck how the weather is great and everyone outside is happy. Fuck people that ask me 'how are you doing now?' Exactly as bad as last week thank you very much. It's fucking not fair. I miss him so much.

hi all, I am new here, new to this life, new to the crushing reality of having lost my husband 2 weeks ago. I am being tossed back and forth between intense sadness, anger for being thrown into this situation and feeling so sorry for our little girls who will have to grow up without a father. Similar to another story I read here, he gave our girls a kiss and popped out for a quick run - 2.5 km later he was gone. Ripped from our life just like that. I realise it is true but find it so unacceptable. We were so happy, in the middle of renovating our house and loving life. He was only 35 years old - our life together as a family had only just started. Finding this site and reading your posts helps a little. I wouldn't wish this upon anyone but am relieved I am not the only one in the world going through this utterly lonely experience, if that makes sense. thank you for sharing...