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Abitlost

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  1. Abitlost

    Overwhelmed - venting

    I can see how adjusting to an instant family would be challenging on a number of levels, household tasks included. I saw this chore worksheet in the August issue of "Real Simple": https://www.realsimple.com/choreworksheet Maybe you could do the activity with NG and his four girls so they can see how much responsibility falls onto you, and then ask them to choose areas they are willing to up their game? I'm also a fan of hiring a cleaning crew, even if it's just monthly for a deep clean. abl
  2. Abitlost

    The second year seems harder.

    For me, the second year was by far the worst. It was when I realized just how long dead is. I can't tell you exactly when things changed as it was a gradual shift for me, but eventually I got to a place where grief didn't bite me as hard as often. I will never be okay with my husband dying so young, but I am at peace with it.
  3. Cyclist to cyclist, be careful out there! If I were in that part of the country I'd join you!
  4. Abitlost

    It's been almost six years

    Mac, you are an incredible father. Cindy, of course, would be proud. Have a great Father's Day!
  5. Abitlost

    Eureka!

    WW, I’m sorry if you took offense to my post. I specifically stated that from what you had written, it seemed that you were not being honest. Your original post read that you had a list of reasons why you didn’t want to see him again, but agreed anyway to “shut him up”, and then Anthony Bourdain’s death triggered you, so your plan was to “scare him away for good”/get him to “run for the hills” by telling him the truth, but instead of telling him the truth you had expressed here of why you didn’t want to see him again (“…coming on too strong is a complete and utter turn off. He doesn't see me or have any interest in seeing me. He wants a woman. A partner. A bedmate. A wife. If pawing me all night wasn't indication enough, inviting me to London for our second date was. Still not convinced? He insisted we'd have to share a room. Okay, you wanna chalk that up to "never hurts to ask", fine. What about when I tell him I don't eat pork and he takes me to a (very fancy) restaurant known as a pork restaurant. There was one dish I could eat. Clearly he not only didn't see me but didn't hear me.”, ), you told him you were sad. Yet instead of scaring him away, he still asked to see you. I am not debating whether you find him empathetic or not, or if you should see him again, but I’m not sure you see the inconsistencies in your statements…leading to my advice that you be honest with yourself. Minor example: this statement from your original post, “I’ve wanted out of this 2nd date since I agreed to it. I agreed to it just to shut him up.” conflicts with this sentiment from your second post “I was willing to try a second date originally because sometimes you need more information.” It’s okay to change your mind, but don’t be surprised when members of the board react to what you have written. This is a forum where nuances are hard to interpret and details often omitted. All we have to go off of it what you have written. My advice stands that you just be honest with yourself. If you had already decided you didn’t want to see him, if it were me, I would just tell him that and move on. You don’t need an excuse or to justify yourself to him or anyone else. Just be true to yourself. Edited to add: Your second post seems to indicate that your revelation was more geared toward sharing your grief with potential suitors, "the realization that I actually did not have to keep my grief hidden from people who potentially want to have a relationship with me was stunning. I have been dating for about 3 years and have never wanted to burden anyone with my loss and continued sadness. It was equally stunning to realize that sharing the lows would actually go far in helping who was worthy of the highs." WW, perhaps you can see how from what was written originally that this revelation seems to be an afterthought to your original intention, where you described that you had already decided that you didn't want to see him again and that sharing your sadness was designed to send him running for the hills. I'm all in favor of sharing feelings and honesty, but hopefully you can see where the confusion and reaction came from. abl
  6. Klim, how very frightening. I am glad they caught it and are able to manage it! abl
  7. Abitlost

    Update and photo

    I love this part. Congratulations! abl
  8. Abitlost

    Eureka!

    WW, I'm sorry you were triggered by the recent celebrity death. A few notes for you to ponder regarding your eureka moment. In my experience, I agree that being honest about your feelings is the best approach. However, from what you wrote, that's not really what you did. You had decided you didn't want to go on a second date long before the recent trigger -- you didn't like that he came on too strong, or that he took you to a restaurant where you had little to choose from, or that he wanted to go to London and share a room for your second date. That's your truth right there. Still, you accepted another date with regrets just to shut him up? My advice to you would be to be more honest with yourself. He didn't take you to a pork restaurant against your will - you agreed to go there knowing your own eating restrictions. That's on you. You didn't like his forwardness yet still made another date. I'm not saying this guy deserves a second date (he wouldn't get one with me either!), but be honest with yourself...I think if you speak up for yourself in real time you might find better matches. Redo: Date: WW, let's go to Pork Restaurant for our first date. WW: I don't eat pork and don't want to go there; how about Restaurant X? Redo 2: Date: WW, let's go to London for our second date and share a room! WW: No, I am not interested in going away with someone I just met or sharing a room with him. You are coming on too strongly and I don't like it. Redo 3: Date: WW, can we have a second date on Sunday? WW: No, you are not the right match for me but I wish you all the best in finding what you are looking for. abl
  9. Abitlost

    Back to ground zero

    I am so sorry for you and your daughter, Toosoon. You will learn all you can to manage the disease and you will gain control over it. Hang in there. abl
  10. Trying, Storm aside, you are well-entitled to a massive pity party on what should have been your 25th anniversary! Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise that your husband was out of the house on that day so that you could ride that wave alone? abl
  11. Abitlost

    My Daughter doesn't like my NG

    November, I haven't read the other replies so forgive me if this is repetitive. This probably isn't what you want to hear, but I think you are moving too fast. You met him just six months ago. You introduced him to your kids just two months ago. I can see why your daughter is uneasy with the thought of him moving in, which would add a completely different dynamic to your family. Nobody really knows each other. To bring another person into your life is one thing, but to have him move in with you and your three kids is quite another. Edited to add: I just read the other responses. I am not conservative, at all. I have no problem whatsoever with open sleepovers. My concern stems from having a man who is so new to your life, and even newer to your kids' lives, move in with you, which disrupts not only the existing family structure and dynamic, but also the process of getting to know each other. That could have some unforeseen consequences for everyone. abl
  12. Abitlost

    So Not OK, Cupid

    WW, Is there a way to place the text from your blog here on the Widda site so we don't have to click a link and go off this site? I for one would prefer that! abl
  13. Abitlost

    6 yrs. and going

    CW, your message-in-a-bottle ritual with your son is perfect. I am glad you were able to find peace for you both on this day. abl
  14. Abitlost

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    No Mike, I do not think she was deceitful. Being disabled does not render a person unathletic or inactive. Google Tatyana McFadden for starters; she has won the push-rim division of the Boston Marathon five times, along with several other accomplishments. Even if your date wasn't active or athletic, not revealing to you that she was disabled is hardly the same thing as intentional deception with a flat out lie about age. While you put athletic and active (which is obviously up for interpretation) in the wish-list of your profile, age is a concrete fact.

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