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  1. Abitlost

    New Relationships....Post a Pic

    Congratulations Gabzmom! What wonderful news this is (and a great photo!)
  2. Abitlost

    Getting help

    Hi Sera, I'm sorry you had reason to join us but glad you found us. It must add a whole 'nother dimension to be in a different country at this time. Parenting is tough, only parenting exponentially more so. It can be challenging to accept the changes in kids as they grow and mature, and the emotional spin it puts on the only parent as changes emphasize that's it's all on you, and in the end it will be just you. As kids grow it also underscores how long your spouse has been gone, which can be tough to acknowledge. I think it's healthy and important for you to have other things in your life beside your son that bring you joy. I hear you on medication. Maybe there is a therapist in your home country that you could video chat with? You may have to pay out of pocket but it may be worth it. Wishing you peace, abl
  3. Abitlost

    Speed Dating?

    I do not have any experience with speed dating. You say you don't know if you want to start dating or just find activity friends. My opinion is if you don't know if you want to date, a dating venue might be inappropriate; I think in a dating venue you are going to find people who want to...date.... Maybe check out clubs or groups that fit your interests to find activity partners instead?If you do want to date, then I say go ahead and try speed dating!
  4. I have found the triumphs are sometimes harder than the struggles. The tough stuff is challenging, but I power through and remain strong. I find the triumphs are emotionally-charged; I have such intense pride and no one who shares it. I know my husband would be incredibly proud of us all, and it's beyond sad that he never got to see what his sons would accomplish.
  5. Abitlost

    Peace for Father's Day

  6. Abitlost

    Will our 4 year old remember Daddy?

    My suggestion is to get a nice journal to write down your kids' memories -- big and small -- as they are shared. Things my kids remembered early on faded, so it's nice to have them in writing (although we have not revisited them....)
  7. People attend births? When my kids were born it was just my husband and me. In the situation you describe, I'd think it awkward for everyone if you did go. I can't imagine the birth parents have a strong desire for your presence, and my perspective is from their standpoint.
  8. Abitlost

    Social Security Children's benefits....

    I believe that there are family as well as and individual maximums. The way I understand it, if both of your kids were receiving the individual maximum before your oldest turned 18, then the youngest's benefit would not increase. If they were below the individual maximum, I believe your youngest's benefit would have automatically adjusted when the oldest aged out. It's always worth a call to the Social Security office though. If your 18-year-old is still in high school, benefits should continue until he graduates. In the months prior to your eldest's 18th birthday, you should have received a form to be completed by the high school.
  9. Abitlost


    W40, Everyone approaches things differently. I'm sure having a connection with someone so close to your wife is bringing you comfort right now. My only concern is that if you take on the benefits aspect with your wife's best friend, in the future you may regret it, which could complicate your grieving process. Of course that's impossible to predict. It's also a slippery slope how she might react, either initially or weeks/months/years in the future. If it were to drive a wedge between you, it's possible you could lose that connection to your wife. I am ten years out and am very thankful for the relationships I have with my husband's friends -- for both me and my kids. abl
  10. I'm ten years out and consider myself a widow. I dislike when the options are "single, married, divorced". I am proud that my husband picked me, that we had a wonderful bond, and a successful marriage. When the topic of marital status comes up with people I meet -- be it at the bank or a social setting -- I simply state that my husband passed away -- usually as part of a longer sentence -- and move on. The response is generally a quiet "I'm sorry" to which thank them and continue on with the conversation. This seems to diminish the discomfort and gives everyone permission to accept it as a fact of who I am.
  11. Abitlost

    There are worse things than death

    Beyond tragic. I'm thinking of Kate.
  12. Abitlost

    Proud Mom

    Hi t2b, Sorry I'm late to this thread. I feel for you. Going through these milestones without the one person who could share in your pride -- as well as all the other emotions surrounding his moving on -- is so difficult. I have had several of these moments, and while I am in a relationship, I don't feel like I have anyone who shares my feelings or who truly gets it. Thank goodness for widda. How are you feel now that it's a week removed? abl
  13. Abitlost

    Teen daughter struggling

    Hi HM, Teens are awesome, aren't they? I'm sending you a PM. abl
  14. Captains wife, I am also proud of you for setting and keeping your boundary! You and your son deserve that! I'm sorry NG tried to guilt you, but am glad you stood up for yourself. abl
  15. Abitlost

    New loss, old pain

    Oh Trying, I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. Another deep connection to Tim is gone, which must be gutting. It isn't right that Tim isn't with you for this or any other big or small event

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