patswife22

I found out after my husband passed if I had to remove his name for anything did that company need an original or a copy. Things you learn as you go along. For some they would take a copy. Even after 14 years later I found that I needed an original death certificate pertaining to a real estate situation and I didn't have one. So I had to request one before that situation could be taken care of. Luckily, we did have a will. Got it done 2 months before he passed. This is something people don't like to do for various reasons.

I believe a lot of non-widowed people look at widowed people with old fashioned ideals. We have lots of money after our spouses pass. We cry all the time. If we should go out to dinner with others do we just cry all the time? These are some of the ideas I got myself after my husband passed. At one point my daughter who was in her early 20s told me she did not want me to go through the rest of my life alone. So I took it upon myself and tried online dating. That's where I found out the people on those dating sites are scammers who thought I had lots of money. Definitely NOT true. At least in my case. When I would meet up with other wids my best friend asked me what did I do at the dinners I would go to. I looked forward to meeting up with strangers I met through the grief support group such as the ones on here. I had to tell her the same things she and I would do when we would get together; have a cocktail and/or dinner and have a good time. Now that she is recently widowed she now understands what I went through. So after 6+ years I finally met someone. We have been together 7 1/2 years. The first 3 years we talked in the morning before he went to work. He called me when he got home. He worked 12 hour days.........6 days a week. Doesn't leave much time to get a relationship off the ground. But we made the best of it. I would see him from midnight Friday to about 11AM Sunday morning during the winter months. During the spring/summer months he had every Saturday off and every other Friday. We jammed in as much as we could. Heck we even managed a couple of road trips. I was currently unemployed the first 2 years of our relationship. Luckily, for us our families are happy for us.....our kids....extended families....our friends. Right now we are both retired. He moved with me 3 1/2 years ago. We purchased our first home and I am currently preparing my home to put on the market. As for your mother..................yes she is over-reacting. You need to do what is right for you. You are well over the age of consent. But maybe your mother feels she will be left out. When possible after this crap show is over........plan a get together and have her come and get to know your new guy. Just never know.

DonnaP: I already know what their reply will be. My BIL already told my brother that he did not want to partake in dinner with me. My brother was out to coffee with our BIL and some other mutual friends. He asked the guys if they wanted to go out that night for dinner. When my BIL asked my brother who would be there my brother mentioned my name. My BIL said I don't want to be any where XXXX will be. So to forgive and forget? Not going to happen here. With these people they do not want to hear MY side of the story. Their mother have them all fooled that this whole thing is/was my fault. But of course, they do not know the whole thing and frankly they do NOT want to hear. I imagine I will never hear from them EVER again just like my In-Laws. So for me family is NOT everything to me. I am happy making new friends who are truly family to me. NOTE: my significant other's family have welcomed me with open arms. I call them family now.

While my brother was still in town my SO (significant other) and I arranged to go to go out to eat. He was out earlier in the day with some friends of his and our BIL. He asked them if they wanted to join us? My BIL asked who was going. My brother mentioned my SO and me. My BIL told him "I'm not going if XXXX is going to be there". Turned out it was just the 3 of us. How freaking cold. I hope I never run into him EVER. Him and his 2 kids. They ever want or need anything they can just keep moving past me. I mean they have all of those other family members and friends to help.

When I called my MIL to inform her I was putting my husband in hospice her first response was "why?" Seriously.....where have you been in the last 16 months? She then calls me back about an hour later and informs me that her and her oldest daughter were on their way to OUR home. They come to my house with the other daughter. By this time my husband is pretty much comatose. I had called the hospice to let them know what was going on and if they could come and explain to them about hospice. By this time I was so emotionally and physically drained. I called one of my sisters for reinforcements. The youngest SIL started making demands as to why visiting nurse was not utilized. My insurance did NOT pay for 24 hour care. Also my husband was in his final days of life. Less than 2 days he passed in our home...........literally hours after I/we paid off our home. Looking back no way would I have allowed them into my house. But as I said they were always saying this and saying that about the treatment he was getting. But his diagnosis was terminal. They were in denial. At the funeral NOT one of them would stand with me in the receiving line. My MIL sat on the other side of the room giving me scathing looks when a male person would give me a hug. They were either co-workers, friends and family. Like I was looking for a replacement already. After the service they walked out and still NOT one freaking word. The next day at the church they all show up 1/2 late for the service. We were just about to walk down the aisle when they came in. But when it came time for the luncheon afterwards guess who was the first to be there? All of this on MY dime. So my thought is...............my In-laws can all go F**K themselves. I have absolutely no relationship with them. Earlier this year my MIL passed away and I was NOT even mentioned in her obit as the surviving spouse of her only son. So...............

First a little bit of history. I will TRY to keep it short. I lost my husband February 2007. Devastating as you can imagine. Fast forward to 2010. Youngest sister moves in with me. She has health issues. One rule in my home........NO smoking in my home. However, for my sister no smoking AT my house. Within a couple of days of her moving in I had hip replacement surgery. When I got home I found evidence that she was smoking at my home. After repeated warnings I had to ask her to leave. See she was ON oxygen and smoking. Because of her actions while living in my home it seemed she was telling a couple of siblings that all I did was yell at her. NO SMOKING!!! Ah duh. When I was able to get around my home with a walker I would always mention to this sister that she had to keep her tubing out of my way as I could easily trip on it. She would send texts or emails that all I did was yell at her. In the 6 months she lived with me 2 of my sisters never stepped foot in my house to help me. Another sister of mine came over to take me to needed doctor appointments. So these 2 sisters had absolutely no idea what was going on other than what this inconsiderate sister told them. They never asked me. When the day came for this sister to move out words were exchanged between a niece of mine and I. I finally told them all to get the hell out of my house. Eventually this one sister passed 6 years later. She refused to take the advice from doctors and/or family members. This was in 2016. Of this one sister who helped move out our inconsiderate sister, she and her family totally ignored me and my SO at the funeral. They walked right past us and NOT one word. Even her best friend would NOT talk to us. However, when my sister and her family left her best friend then came up to me and talked to me. WOW!!!! Talk about control. This one sister who helped move out this one inconsiderate sister became ill 3 months ago with brain cancer. Just before Christmas I took my daughter in to see her aunt. My one niece came into the room and took one look at me and asked "what are you doing here?" I told her I just got here. She then proceeds to tell me not too long. Three days after Christmas my sister passes. After another sibling of mine tells me to check the obit online I couldn't believe what I saw. My brother, two of my older sisters and I were completely left out of the obit. Well not really it stated we were "other siblings". This sister wouldn't have met her husband without OUR brother. Her husband and our brother were friends....roommates and he was left out. The obit listed her in-laws and even friends.........but not all of her siblings. One of my sisters and I will attend the service but will stay far enough away. Had dinner with my brother yesterday and he said when he saw my sisters two "grieving" daughters they ran up to him in tears and told him how nice it was to see him. But they couldn't list him in the obit. I on the other hand have now considered my late sister's family................dead to me. I will no longer have anything to do with any of them. I found out that my sister, husband and the 2 daughters wrote the obit. This was told to me by my brother at dinner as told to him by our BIL.

I do not remember the date of my first bago. When I did go it was just this other woman and I. We met a restaurant and it was hard to carry a conversation with her. She seemed very shy and not too talkative. I walked out of that bago discouraged. Several weeks later I decided to attend another bago. I had absolutely no idea what to expect. All those people with just a screen name and now I could put a face and a name together. I walked out of that gathering with both my feet off the floor. I finally found people who were going through different stages of grief. They welcomed me with open arms. After that one visit I couldn't wait till the next one. They were mostly dinners as most of the people I met worked. The dinners were on Saturdays. The dinners were a 2 hour drive from my home. The organizer of the dinners gave me door to door directions. Some of my family and friends were concerned that I was driving 2 hours to meet complete strangers. My best friend asked me what we did at those dinners. She thought all we did was cry. I had to inform her that we did the same thing as she and I did; we would order a drink, talk, order dinner and go home. In some cases I would be out till 11PM having so much fun and not realizing what time it was. I then realized I still had that 2 hour drive home. But it was ALL worth it. This same friend of mine concerned for my safety gave me a GPS for my car for Christmas. It helped me to get to restaurants with an address. It has been quite some time since those dinners. I found that some of the people I met at those dinners now live closer to me. We have gotten together for lunches. From some of those dinners I became good friends with a lot of the widows/ers. One couple I met I attended their wedding. The following year I attended another wedding of another widow I met. Strangely, how non-widow people view us as a bunch of crying people as that is how the media used to portray us. But we are really like anybody else. Only thing that is different from other folks is that we lost a part of ourselves.......a spouse. Or a partner.

My dating profile also had my widowed status listed. As for my in-laws? After my husband passed I didn't have much of a relationship with them so whatever they thought, I could careless. In fact they were not the nicest people. About 6 years after my husband passed I met a great guy. He's also widowed. We've been together 6 years now. My 2 sisters-in-law met him last year. They knew I was with someone as my daughter had told them. The older one was cordial but the one I always had problems with was a real BIT**. Wouldn't even acknowledge me much less him. Our families and friends are happy for us. We plan on selling our places, buying our own place and move out of state to a warmer climate. We live in the midwest. We're both happy and isn't that what counts?

StillHereWI, never feel like you don't belong. I was widowed at age 51. I found this one site........young widows bulletin board. It has since been disbanded and strangely this one kind of took it's place. Anyway, I chatted with a lot of people younger than me, my age and some older than me. We were all there because of ONE thing. We all lost someone. My husband has been gone 12 years. I've endured a lot since he was gone. Way too many too mention. So keep coming back. By the way, where in Wisconsin are you? I am near the Milwaukee area.

I knew this is quite early but thought I would throw this out there. Some veteran wids are planning a dinner bago from the SE WI/Northern IL area. Of course, anyone is encouraged to attend. The date is Saturday October 20th. Venue has not been decided as yet as we want to see if we can get a group together. If you have never attended a bago, don't hesitate to come. I was at that stage and I can tell you it was worth it. Met some fabulous people.

When I read stories of online dating I look back at what I went through. The first guy I communicated with was very complimenting. To make a long story short he turned out to be a scammer. The picture on the dating site was NOT him. How did I find this out? Education and finally paying attention to his chats and the others that came along. The next few were the same. Talk about trust. So I left the dating sites as I was getting quite upset with the prospects I seemed to be attracting. Apparently the word widow means lots of money. This one does not have any so as soon as the chats started in that direction I ran the other way. When I came back for another try I changed my perimeters to closer to home. I chatted with a few and actually met up with another widower. Yes it was a public place. Anyway, at one point I was chatting with 2 guys. This one guy started acting strange when I asked to meet. Apparently he thought I was interested in his money. Funny I don't remember that subject coming up in any of our chats. So I told him we were done. I struck up the conversations with the other guy. After a month and a half of "chatting" he asked to meet. I thought we would just chat. After many invites to meet I finally accepted. I picked a coffee shop 50 miles from my home. I figured it would be far enough away and a place I may never venture to again if it didn't work out. That 3 hour coffee date turned out to be a later date to a baseball game. There I met his daughter and her boyfriend, his granddaughter and grandson, other friends and even his ex-wife. This was 2013 and I am happy to say we are still together almost 5 years later. We have met each other's kids, friends, siblings and everybody gets along great. Now for the clincher. This man treats me better than my husband did. In the 5 years since we've been together we've done more traveling than in the 27 years I was with my late husband. I am once again happy and I know it can all come to a screeching halt as we all know. But each month on the anniversary that we met we say "Happy Anniversary" to each other. I couldn't be happier. As for life long plans? He moved in with me 2 years ago. We plan on selling both of our places and travel. No plans for remarrying as it has financial problems if we did. One other thing. He's widowed too so he gets it.

Thank you all. These types of writings I remember helped me back in the day. These almost 5 years have gone by so fast. Those dark days seem to be dragging me down. But the old saying "time flies when you're having fun". When I tell people we've been together this long they can't believe it. These are the same people, family and friends alike who have been by my side for the last 10-12 years.

Sudnlysngl, I am so sorry to hear about your divorce. Wheelerswife and sudnlysngl, I remember you too. Seeing these names here bring back so many memories of others who were going through the same as me and helped me through the worse part of my life. I am "retired" now; quit my job of 3 years in February of this year. My boss who is married to a high school classmate of mine was getting to be a real @$$hole. My sister who lived with me passed away 2 years ago. Seems she didn't do so well after she moved out. Now recently connected with a bunch of cousins on my father's side. So things do seem to be going into a much better direction................finally.

Sojourner, he does have brothers but they are unavailable. Thank you for your kind words. Considering everything I've endured since the day we found out about my husband's (eventual) terminal cancer diagnosis meeting this man has been the happiest I've been. I am constantly amazed as to where this relationship goes.

I've been widowed just over 11 years. We were together 27 years.....married 22. After 6 years of widowhood I was tired of being lonely. I tried online dating for several months. The first few "guys" turned out to be scammers. To make a long story short I finally met a guy. We started chatting. Thought that was as far it would go. He finally asked to meet. We met at a coffee shop 50 miles from my home. I thought if it didn't work out I would probably never venture to that place again where I would run into him. That 3 hour coffee date turned into a full fledged relationship. We've been together almost 5 years. He's widowed so he gets it. The reason for my writing today. I thought I would NEVER meet someone I would ever care for after my husband's passing. But this man treats me better than my husband did. I always dreamed of a relationship like this. Boy did I win the lottery. Yesterday out of the blue he planned another trip for us. This one not too far............2 hours away from home. For those of you are hesitant to start dating again. I thought the same. But I am so glad he was patient with me and I accepted that first date. I couldn't be happier.